Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why the World Loves Them and You Don't

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Why the World Loves Them and You Don't · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  Public hero, private monster is the way that most people would
• 0:08
  describe a narcissist, right? They're a hero to the public.
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  A public figure that does that does good for everybody, that is
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  a good person, an amazing person, just just out there
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  helping everybody else. But when those doors close and
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  the mask comes off, you had a whole different animal.
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  That's literally what we're talking about today, y'all, The
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  public, the public versus private persona of a
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  narcissistic person. What is going on, Ed?
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  I hope you're doing well. Just join it for YouTube.
• 0:38
  Make sure you hit the thumbs up, drop a comment and whatnot.
• 0:41
  And we're going to get started here, y'all.
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  How many people have dealt with a narcissist that is different
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  in public than they are behind closed doors?
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  How many just drop a just drop a hey or raise your hand in the
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  compensation or whatnot? Because this happens to so many
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  people, right? Because we know, as everybody
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  knows, that most narcissists, most narcissistic people are
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  they reputate reputation centered, right?
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  They care more about their reputation than damn near
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  anything else. That's the mentality right
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  there. I care about my reputation more
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  than I care about anything else. And that's how it goes right
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  there. It's like, I want to make sure
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  that I'm outside the house. I want to make sure that I'm
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  recognized in a certain type of way.
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  I'm viewed in a certain type of light.
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  But behind closed doors, Hell no.
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  I'm not behind closed doors. I can just take the mask off,
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  right Behind closed doors. I can do whatever I want to do
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  behind closed doors. I can be whoever I, I actually
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  am behind closed doors. Isn't that crazy how that works
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  right there? That's how the mind of a lot of
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  narcissists work right here. I want to be different.
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  I want to be looked at as a hero and as as opposed to being
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  looked at as a villain. And that's where it goes right
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  there. He was that mine was an asshole
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  no matter where he was. Oh goodness, right.
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  He didn't care there. You know, I said most, most, not
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  all, right? Most, not all, because that's
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  the way it goes right there. Most narcissists are going to
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  behave this way and whatnot. They're going to have that
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  different public versus private persona because that's the way
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  it goes right there, right? So as a narcissist, they're
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  going to love the they're going to love the hero image, right?
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  As is someone who died, as someone who's diagnosed and in
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  therapy, I used to love being the person everybody could count
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  on. Like I used to love playing the
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  hero role. I would do anything for anyone.
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  Like, hey, he helped me out. Lee, he's going to, hey, you
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  asked Lee for something. He's going to help you out, man.
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  He's he's a helpful person. Have you ever heard that about
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  your have you ever heard that about your narcissistic partner,
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  spouse or ex? Your narcissistic parent or
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  friend? They help everybody else out
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  except you. But you're the odd man out in
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  this situation right here. Everybody else can count on this
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  person, but you can't. They chastise you when you need
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  them. They treat you horribly when you
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  need them. When you need, they need.
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  They are nowhere to be found but somebody else.
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  Man, come on. Come on in.
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  I got you right here, right. They want the world to see them
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  as the good guy or the good girl, right?
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  And the more the world sees them as the good person, the more
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  power they feel like they have. Especially power at home,
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  because look, look, look at it like this.
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  Think about it like this right here, right?
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  Think about it like this right here.
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  If I am recognized by everybody else as being a good person, and
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  you might be the only person that sees me different, don't
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  you feel alienated? Don't you feel like you the odd
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  man out in this situation right here?
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  Think about like that right there.
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  Don't you feel like the odd man out?
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  Everybody else sees me as a good person except for you.
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  So it must be your fault, right? Because some of them will tell
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  you that. Some of them will absolutely
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  tell you that straight up. They'll say, hey, look, it's
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  your fault. I everybody else loves me.
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  You're the only person who doesn't like me.
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  You're the only person who doesn't care for me.
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  You're the only person out here who looked at me differently.
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  You're the only person who thinks I'm a bad guy.
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  So it must be you. If 99, look, if 99 people, if
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  there's 100 people, if there's 100 people in the room including
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  you and 99 of those people like me and you're the only one who
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  doesn't, doesn't that make you the problem?
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  Doesn't that make you the problem?
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  Doesn't it mean, oh, that's how a lot of narcissists work right
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  there. I want to be viewed in a certain
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  light, right? He said.
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  The narc knows how to charm people around them.
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  Yep, they absolutely do. They will charm the hell out of
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  people because charm works, man. I'm just telling you, charm
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  works. Charm gets you on the
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  narcissist's side. Charm makes you like them more,
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  doesn't it? You know what I'm saying?
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  Charm makes you enjoy. Charm makes you want to be
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  around the person more. Charm makes you like to want to
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  talk to the person more, doesn't it?
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  That's literally how the mind of a narcissist works right there.
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  Narcs not charming people around him.
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  I live with a big demon until one of them cracks didn't get
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  there. You go there, you go there, you
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  go right there. So if you dealt with a
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  narcissist, you know exactly what I'm talking about right
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  here, right? And then this is like this thing
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  about this right here. When you come home and they
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  change personalities, there's like there's like a they snap.
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  It's kind of like when they you come home from a, you come home
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  from an event or something like that where they had to pretend
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  to be a good person for a long time.
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  They come home and snap. Why is that?
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  Why do they come home and snap? Because they're exhausted.
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  They're exhausted at putting on an act.
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  They're exhausted at put pretending to be somebody else.
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  It's exhausting. Who's going to go?
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  It's exhausting. Like I don't have to pretend to
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  like people pretend to do something I don't want to do,
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  pretend to fit into this crowd when I actually don't care if I
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  fit into this crowd or not. That's exhausting.
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  So when they come home, it's like now I can be me, Now I'm
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  free. It really does.
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  They've been performing all day. It's kind of like an act.
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  Just imagine a just imagine you're on the theater stage,
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  right? This is what it is like being a
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  narcissist. Just imagine you're on a a
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  theater stage and you're the main character in this play.
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  You've been acting for 16 straight hours.
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  As soon as you come home, you want to get out of acting mode.
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  As soon as they yell cut or the final curtain closes, don't you
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  turn it off. You're like, thank you, thank
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  you, thank you, thank you so much.
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  As soon as the curtain closes, the evil comes out, right?
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  For strangers, they've been performing all day, but they
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  don't feel like they don't feel the need to do this, this stuff
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  right here, They actually feel safe around you.
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  It's gonna sound, it's gonna sound ass backwards, right?
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  But they feel safe around you. They absolutely do.
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  They feel safe enough to be themselves because they think
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  that their reputation is going to precede them elsewhere.
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  I can treat you badly because everybody else I treat well
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  won't believe you. Have you ever tried to expose a
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  narcissist before and you tell somebody and they say, well,
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  they treat they haven't done that to me.
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  They treat they treated me with respect.
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  They respected me. They haven't they haven't done
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  it around me. So I don't know who I don't know
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  who to believe. I'm not I'm not picking sides.
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  They'll tell you I'm not picking sides even though they've been
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  abusing you, they're not picking sides, right.
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  So this is what this is what happens.
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  This is why like a lot of times you get a lot of forward
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  progressive narcissist that are outwardly generous, that are
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  outwardly good people. They record their good deeds
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  because they want to build. It's kind of like building up a
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  social currency, right? It's kind of like building.
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  They build up their social currency in order to get people
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  to like them, in order to get people around them to believe
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  them. It gives like, if I've been good
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  to everybody else, guess what? I get the benefit of the doubt.
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  I do. I get the benefit of the doubt
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  and whatnot. I absolutely do because I've
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  been good to everybody else. Everybody else has seen how nice
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  I am. Everybody has seen.
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  Everybody has seen how respectful I am.
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  Everybody has seen. Everybody else has seen how
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  generous I am and whatnot. But now you have something
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  negative to say about me. Why would they believe you?
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  You know what I mean? Why would they believe you?
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  I've been good to everybody else.
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  Why would they believe you? Unless they're your friends or
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  family or unless the mask has come off in these public
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  situations and whatnot, right. Unless everyone, unless the mask
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  has come off publicly, you know, why would they believe you?
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  But this is, I'm just telling you, this is how the mind of a
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  lot of narcissists worked. Yeah, nice guy syndrome is
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  actually a good way to describe it.
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  They have to be nice to everybody else.
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  I hate the craziness where he did wrong.
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  I left and now he's literally not at his best.
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  And now his supply, they're going right there.
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  He's not at his best. It's like when you remove
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  yourself from them, their lives tend to get worse.
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  But that's not for you to fix anything like that, right?
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  So that's why it's right here, right here, right?
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  So when you're dealing with a narcissist, what I asked a
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  question to the chat, what role, what good saintly role did a
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  narcissist have in your community?
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  Like a lot of people refer to this as communal narcissism.
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  What role do they play in your community that made them look,
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  look like a good person? Sometimes it's police officer,
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  right? Sometimes police officer,
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  sometimes it's nurse, sometimes it's the doctor.
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  Sometimes it's something like that.
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  It's called communal narcissism. What role do they play in your
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  life or in your community that made them look like a good
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  person? Because sometimes you get a
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  narcissist that gets a job in a field that automatically kind of
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  brings that social currency right there that they're looking
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  for, their reputational currency that they're looking for.
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  I'm a police officer. I'm here to serve, serve and
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  protect. I'm a nurse, I'm a doctor, I'm a
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  lawyer. I'm this, I'm that I help defend
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  people to I donate the charity I'm doing.
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  I run a nonprofit for abuse victims and what not, right?
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  Medical fields are absolutely, absolutely rampant.
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  Yep, I personally trying to help people get in shape.
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  They in the churches. Yep, they're doing all this type
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  of stuff right here to have to give themselves that currency
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  that they feel like they need. You're like city, city worker.
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  Yep, leave a church. Yep, Yep, this is happening.
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  I, I feel like a lot of them are in church, right?
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  A lot of them are in church because like being realistic,
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  y'all highly religious people are just does not apply to
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  everybody. But like highly religious
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  people. I'll just say like the highly
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  religious people tend to be very easy to manipulate because all
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  you, you don't need to see factual, factual proof that
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  this, this is a good person. They're in church, so they must
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  be good, right? Their position just brings them
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  that social currency that they're searching for and
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  they're looking for. So that's something you got to
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  protect yourself against right there.
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  Because it's the way the mind of an arces Workman it's, it really
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  is kind of crazy. It's a crazy mentality to have a
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  crazy way to have to live and whatnot, right?
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  It really is. So if you have any, I got a few
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  minutes. Yeah, it's logging me.
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  It, it, it logged me off. Oh, my goodness gracious.
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  Oh my goodness, it logged me off.
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  Or the screen now there you go. But I said that I'm it's going
• 12:27
  to log off again. Something something's wrong with
• 12:28
  the Internet here. They're working on the Internet.
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  So about to cut off here in a second.
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  Y'all, I appreciate y'all tuning in.
• 12:33
  Look, before I go New York City, I'm with New York City, I'm in
• 12:37
  your, I'm coming to you. I'm coming your way.
• 12:38
  June the 2nd for a live in person event.
• 12:42
  June 2nd, New York City, I'll be in your city.
• 12:46
  New York City June the 2nd go to mentalillness.net/events Get
• 12:50
  registered for the New York in person live Q&A There's no
• 12:55
  lessons, it's straight Q&A. Talk to me, I talk to you live
• 12:59
  and in person. New York City Mental illness.net
• 13:02
  y'all be safe, take care of yourselves, take care of each
• 13:04
  other. Come over to Canada.
• 13:05
  That's on the list for later this year.
• 13:07
  Y'all, I'm about to do it like AQ and a I'm about to do it like
• 13:09
  AQ and a tour here pretty soon. Just be safe y'all, take care of
• 13:13
  yourself because it's it's it's I can't see myself again now.
• 13:16
  Be safe, take care of yourself y'all Mental illness.net/events.
• 13:20
  I'm out. Peace.
• 13:22
  This is crazy. I'm into that messing.