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SMNTY Classics: Post-Pandemic Confidence · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha and welcome to Steff.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I never told you production of iHeartRadio and today I
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: wanted to bring back on that is a little dated
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: but also kind of unfortunately relevant. It's one we did
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: when it was like the pandemic was lifting and we
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: were going out and it was about confidence after the pandemic,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: and in the wake of my surprise party Gonna Rye
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: and now Dragon Con, I feel that this is something
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I'm wrestling with. I feel like what's holding me back
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: now is my lack of confidence with myself and with
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: my body. Whereas I used to when I would go
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: to Dragon Con, put on a costume and I would
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: feel more confident than I'd ever felt like it was
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: like I was stepping into someone else and so I
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: don't have to worry about all of my problems, which
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: is not necessarily healthy, but that was how it felt
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: because people used to kind of be confused. They would say, like,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: how can you wear this costume and you're so shy
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: when you're whatever, whatever, whatever, And I would say, well,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I actually felt more confident when I'm pretending to be
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: something else. But as you know, I've also been asked
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: to be on a Star Wars panel, and I'm highly concerned.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: It'd be great. I was so goodor we talked about
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: this too where.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Because fandom, and in a lot of ways, especially Star
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Wars fandom, is very gatekeepy and very like no, I'm right, but.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Also what is canon anymore? I don't know. I'm just worried.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I hate that I have to be like, but I'm
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: not a big enough fan. When I am a big enough.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: You are.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: I really, I really really am, And it's for like obscure.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Star Wars facts and it's family feud style. My biggest
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: hope is that there's nothing negative in it. I don't
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: want to be like, what's the most hated character? I
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: don't want that I want. I just don't like that
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: part of it. It's not my thing. Even though I
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: have my opinions about it, I just don't.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: It's not my thing. I don't want to do that
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: as someone else.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I just It's something I'm still grappling with,
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: even years later, about going in public and feeling that
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: kind of performance of being in public a way that
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I like, I've always felt it, but I think I've
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: just been used to it before the pandemic and now
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not used to it anymore.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: This is your second Dragon Con panel. I know you
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: want me, but they's your life.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I'm late. I love it.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: I'm excited to see it because I don't like it.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Like when you're talking about not being prepared, I would never,
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: but I'm excited to watch you.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I well, you'll have to cheer me on when I
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: will fail everything that.
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: Oh I'm so nervous.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: She's full of lies, yeall, she doesn't felt things.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: I'm like the weakest link though, I will say that
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: in this team, I am definitely uh doubtful. But I'm
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: gonna try to have fun. I my friends are there,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: and that's you know what. I have supportive friends and.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: That's what matters.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: We're gonna yell for you.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, even if I get it wrong. If they're like,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: oh no, what's your favorite droids? That isn't these droids?
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: And I'm like that one, but I feel like they won't.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: It has to be obscure. I've been studying. I'm embarrassed
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: to say.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: I'm so embarrassed. Are you gonna have it on your hands? Oh? No,
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: I know my cheating days are behind me.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: Do you want me to hold up scoreboards.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: I put that answer. I got you, I got you,
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: I got it. I wark this out.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: On the floor.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, three taps. What does it mean?
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: You can tell everyone?
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, got it? Well we're kind of assisted. No, we won't,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: but we'll see how it goes.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: I'll report back. Oh gosh, I'll report back.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: But in the meantime, please enjoy this classic episode. Hey,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephfman Never
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Told You production of iHeart Radio.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: All right, Annie, I have a question for you. Okay,
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: what is something that you did before the pandemic that
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: we probably will not do now?
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Yes? Now is in right now? Or now is in
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: moving forward? Moving forward? Moving forward?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: I probably I know we've talked about this some and
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: we're very fortunate and that this is an option. I
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: probably won't go into the office as much as I
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: did because I used to be a like pretty much
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: every day of the week, even if it wasn't necessary,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: I went in to the office, and outside of that,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I'm curious to see if this changes.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: But right now, I don't think I'm going to.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Have as many back to back plans, as many days
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: of the week where It used to be like I'd
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: be like, you're going to this museum from this time
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: to this time, and then you're gonna go here from
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: this time to this time, and every day was like that.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: I don't think that's gonna be the case anymore.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, I think for me, some things will be.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: And I didn't do it too much beforehand, but like
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: food bars and I would go to the Whole Foods
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: and they have that food bar. I would go to town
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: on that sound bar because I love they have chicken
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: fry tofu, probably one of my favorite things.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: Ever.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: As now, like I don't know if I'll ever do
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: this again, because it wasn't great to begin with. I mean,
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: the little sneeze guards that seem like a great idea,
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: but people purposely go underneath that to get to things,
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, no, no, no, And the one excepted
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: was Whole Foods. And now I'm like, I don't I
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: don't think I'll be doing that anymore. The automatic hugs, oh,
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: that will be less likely, as well as sharing drinks
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: with strangers. And I say this and like, if I
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: got to know you, maybe the first one I got
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: to know you, but about an hour and a half later,
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, you want to try this?
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: I didn't think much of it, but now I'm like, oh.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, yeah, no, right.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: And the reason I was thinking about all of these things,
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: of course, there are other things that we're going to
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: do that I'm we're not doing right now, Like right now,
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: I won't dine indoors. Eventually, well, I absolutely, but the
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: preference is that I will be eating on the patio
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: at all times. And I'm very excited about that because
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: you know, in Georgia we only have like a month
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: of where that is actually not too hot, not too old,
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: not too poliny, right, that we can do that, But
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: just the overall idea of going out and being a
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: part of society again has me really really anxious. And
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: I know we talked about this before, and it made
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: me think about how our confidence or lack thereof, how
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: it's changed since after the pandemic. And again I don't
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: know about anybody else, And yeah, like I said, I've
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: talked about this before, but as we're preparing to meet
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: up with people and mingle with people, I'm started to
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: have a lot of second thoughts on whether or not
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: I even want to go out. In the first place,
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: and whether I have the emotional motivation or strength to
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: actually do it. And of course this has everything to
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: do with not just being a part of society again
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: and just interacting with people and just socializing, but also
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: my confidence in my job and then what we're doing.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: It has really waned. I feel like during the pandemic,
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: which is hilarious because we've upped our amount of episodes
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: that we do on a constant basis. I'm finally getting
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: to the point of this like year three, yo, I
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: can't remember right, year three of me finally you know,
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: me kind of getting adjusted to this new job. But
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: I'm still having a lot of anxiety. Of course, it
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: didn't help that I clicked onto some reviews the other
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: day and it was not pretty. I know, everybody got
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: onto me, including Holly stuff you missed in history class,
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: and Caroline from Unladylike and Tracy of missing history class.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: They're all like, stop doing that, And I didn't mean to.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: I was actually trying to do it for and I
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: just ended up clicking on it, and of course a
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: word caught my eye, so I was like, let me,
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: let me see what this is.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, son of.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: It was a huge mistake. But I'm not the only one,
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: so I feel a little bit better about this and
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: a little sad about this. And according to one research
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: I Think Tank, they found over seventy nine percent of
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: women struggling with self esteem or self love issues and
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: it ranged from different reasons such as financial reasons. And yeah,
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: we talked about this before, especially when it comes to
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: Black women and Latino women. They've been hardest when it
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: comes to the job prices during the pandemic. And that
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: same study found over seventy percent felt financially insecure and
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: seventy one percent have had their financial plans being completely
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: affected due to the pandemic.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: And it is not all because of finance, but also
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: due to not surprisingly the state of the world, things
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: like politics, the pandemic, and for some feeling like they
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: haven't moved forward in their lives, whether it's personal or professional.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: And according it to one statistic, the lowest ranking and
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: self esteem or self love is in South Korea, Saudi Arabia,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: and surprisingly France, while Denmark, Australia, and the United States
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: rake the highest, which could be more about who was
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: asked more than anything else. Always good to question those
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: kinds of studies, and again it's such a shock. It
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: has shown that people who are frequent users of social
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: media are more likely to have lower self esteem. But
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: it's also worth noting that many of the same people
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: have said they get more emotional support they need. And
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: there have been many different reports talking about the overall
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: effect of social media, especially in teenagers when it comes
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: to them using these platforms, and.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: That's not adding the overall pressures of the dreaded zoom meetings.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: According to a study done by Washington University in Saint Louis,
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: they didn't find a decrease in self esteem, which I
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: thought was surprising because every time I open it up
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: dialogue inside they said quote counter to expectations, Daily video
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: chatting hours was unassociated with appearance satisfaction, which aligns with
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: some work that suggests the specific social media activities, rather
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: than the total spent using it, predicts body dissatisfaction. And
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: the research continues. Furthermore, daily video chatting hours was not
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: associated with self objectification or video chatting appearance comparisons, though
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: self objectifications moderated the relationship between total video chatting hours
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: and both satisfaction measures, so Essentially, what they are saying
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: is they expected that to be a problem. They're saying
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: that they felt that their self esteem was hit all
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: these things, but they really didn't care. It didn't really change.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: It just kind of was like, huh, okay, it happens,
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: moving on and again. Like I said, hey, I don't
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: know about you, but I'm definitely not one of those
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: who feel fine with all the zoom and Skype and
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: any of these things, because when I pop up the video,
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: it shows me how I look at that day. I'm like, oh, yeah,
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: I haven't looked in the mirror today. But the one
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: thing I do love is that I can actually just
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: turn off the camera. So being at a meeting without
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: being at a meeting has been really nice. And which,
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: by the way, the study does point out that many
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: of those who participate in these types of surveys did
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: highlight that they really like the edit feature or they
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: could turn it off, and that's part of the reason.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: They're like, yeah, I can change it if I want to.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I remember the first time for I don't know,
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: the first time I zoom and I was just messing
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: around with They'll like edit my appearance feature.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: It's like, whoa, this is why I'm not savvy enough,
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: and I'm just like, just turn it off, just turn
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: it off.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean it does reach a certain point. I
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: mean you gotta have a light touch unless you want
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: people to know like, oh yeah, she's got that edit
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: my apparents function creak to the top.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: And I'm guessing I didn't look into this that the
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: purchasing has increased four things like the ring light, which
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: a lot.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Of people have now I have noticed that I have.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: I've noticed that, and I actually have one in here.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: I did not purchase it specifically for Zoom, but I
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: did move it from where it was into here because
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, if I'm gonna be on camera, all.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I get the ring light out.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: However, it's facing my wall more than my face, So no,
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: not great.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: But anyway, issues.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Of body image have been a prevailing theme throughout the
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: pandemic as well.
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: And honestly, yeah, I've been uh stocking up a lot
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: on ponchos and this is part of my now normal
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: clothes closet because you know, I'm preparing for the vaxed
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: guirl woman summer and yeah, new fashion is cover up
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: as much as I can with as much material, but
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: that doesn't make me too hot. In ponchos, they give
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: you the options of not having too long with sleeves.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I should get out my Luke Skywalker poncho. You haven't
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: seen me in it yet, Samantha, heaven't. It was super cute.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: I love how people always see it so ugly. I'm like, oh,
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: I think it looks so cute.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's actually I haven't had the chance to tell
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: you this because it kind of just happens, Tomantha. But
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: the other night, a friend of mine, a really good
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: friend of mine, texted me at like nine pm and said,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: do you want to come hang out at a bar
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: that's near me? I'm here and I was like, what
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: is this last minute plan? And he was like, I know,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: I'm bringing them back. And I felt too gross and
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: ugly to go outside.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: And I couldn't say that because then he'd be like
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: come on and being ridiculous.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: But that's what that was my immediate like I can't
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: be seen like this. Yeah, And I know a lot
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: of friends women, particularly in my group, that have said
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: similar things.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Right. Yeah.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: One scientific journal found that stress and anxiety has increased
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: due to people's ideas around body image. There is this
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: defeatist attitude about what they should and should not have
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: accomplished while in quarantine. And again we see social media
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: and a lot of fat phobic content that feed into
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: this narrative that that's been a big conversation throughout this
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: whole thing.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: Right, And according to the National Eating Disorders Association, quote,
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: people with negative body image have a greater likelihood of
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: developing eating this order. They're also more likely to suffer
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: from the feelings of depression, isolation, low self esteem, and
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: obsession with weight. And that's again to say that this
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: is this horror level of it's not actually what your
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: body looks like, but it's how you're thinking on it
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: and what is making you think on it, and a yeah,
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: and part of that is this whole narrative that we've
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: been talking about throughout our episodes. And I know a
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: lot of women in general are talking about the fact
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: that there's this feeling a failure because we didn't We
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: had all this time, and why didn't you do this?
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: And you could have done this while you're there, and
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: because we didn't or may not have done it, we
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: feel like we haven't met those expectations as well as
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: that it becomes a moment of obsession to it's like,
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: why didn't I do this? And this is my fault
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: that I did this and all these things. And I
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: think we would definitely want to add negative body image
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: can affect anyone, So it doesn't matter what you look
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: like at all. Again, just through preface that this is
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: not about what you actually look like. It's what you
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: actually think in process and what's being fed to you.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Right, And as we talked about earlier, financial issues have
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: made many women insecure due to the pandemic, but so
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: as the overall level of job skill, which can lead
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: to burnout. According to CNBC and Survey Monkey Women at
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Work survey that was conducted February through March of this year.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: Twenty twenty one, just in case you're listening to this in.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: The future, at least fifty three percent of women said
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: they were suffering from burnout due to their jobs, and
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: many experts report it's the usual level of bias and
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: lack of fairness that many women have been dealing with
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: for years, added to the pandemic that is causing this
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: increase of burnout.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: And yeah, this isn't even talking about the unequal responsibility
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: laid on women in the household, which one report estimated
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: at least twenty additional hours of extual work was added
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: because of that household responsibility. Yeah, any how many hours
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: do you think a week you average for this job?
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: I will say it heavily depends on the week, but
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: it can go up to a fifty or six. See
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: And in fact, I have a friend who uses an
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: app where almost like you're clocking and clocking out because
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: we don't traditionally do that with our job, but just
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: to keep tracks, so I know how many hours I
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: am putting in some weeks it's much less, for sure,
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: but because of the way our jobs are structured, and
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: now you're doing that at home, and those lines are
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: blurred between like home life and office life, and depending
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: on your state of mind, you might.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Be working, you might be working really early in.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: The morning or at off hours, so you're not thinking
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: of it in that way, and so it's really difficult
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: to get a clear idea of how much it is.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Especially I don't know if you've experienced this, but I
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: feel like the hours just bleed together and somehow, like
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's the pandemic are stressed. I
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: feel like things are taking me much longer than they
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: used to take me, and I can't really say what
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: that is. I know, maybe it's not even true, but
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: it feels like I used to be able to get
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: all my work done in pretty standard work time hours
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: and now it's like working weekends is an out of
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: the that's pretty regular.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: Right, And I think that's part of the problem that
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: we are not addressing enough, especially when we talk about
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: working from home, especially when we talk about salary jobs
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: and why it can be problematic because when you start
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: dwindling down how many hours you truly work, you're like, oh,
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: I'm getting paid five dollars an hour, that's right, that's
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: not worth it, and as in fact what you're talking about,
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: why it takes you longer. One of the workplace experts,
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: Jennifer Moss, actually stated that yes, burnout, which you may
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: not even realize you have, often leads to brain fog, fatigue,
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: and chronic stress, and has made even small tasks like
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: folding laundry or unloading a dishwasher really exhausting, which means
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: it takes you longer and it seems really hard when
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: it's like I've done this for so many years. Why
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: is this a problem now? And especially again when we
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: can't differentiate our regular hours versus work hours. And you're
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: better at getting on top of things than I am,
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: but you're not better at stopping. Yeah, you don't limit
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: yourself and that is problematic for you. Me, I'll give
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: up some times, but it bleeds into my hour stretch
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: over a twelve hour work day. But I and it
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: may be eight hours, but it may take me three
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: hours to do one of the tests that should have
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: taken me thirty minutes, like I actually measured, like this
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: should take me this long.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: It take me this long? What did I just do?
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: And part of that, especially when I this kind of
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: job to me is so different because research seems so
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: like college like that I can't quite grasp professional versus research,
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: which is again very different from me from what I
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: used to do, which I would go in and have
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: conference calls and you know, different things like that. That
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: was obviously like a different level of professional bits where
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: I would do a documentation of interviews. When I would
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: do investigations, it was different. This researching things, it seems
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: like it's almost against school like which meant I would
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: wait till the last minute, but do it, hammit within
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: six hours. So my ideal discipline has gone out the
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: window and I have regressed to really bad college habits
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: for this job. So it's really weird. But on top
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: of that, again, my confidence, I feel like is shocked
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: because this is something that this kind of job allows
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: for a lot of people to critique it. Outside of
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: just your boss and ourselves, you have so many people
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: who have so many opinions that it makes me so
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: shell shocked that I feel like I can't do my
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: job properly and I don't have the confidence to say
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: that I have.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes sense.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: So it's a whole different thing, which again brings back
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: the whole like burnout stress where I get I quit. Yeah.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Well, and there's a lot we could unpack there, and
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I'm sure we will in a future episode of Just
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: when we have the conversation of you know, being feminist
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: enough or am I like is my voice worth hearing?
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: And then you get the critiques, and then you get
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: in your head and then you doubt everything about yourself
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: and what you're doing, and then you have a pandemic
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: and you're like, I know, I could do better, but
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: I'm so stressed rightly, like just all this stuff.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: And I will say for me all so for the
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: long work hours.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: This is something I thought about when I was going
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: on a mental experiment of like what would happen if
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: I got fired today? And I was just thinking that
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: I do rely on work a lot to as a
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: stress Like as stressful as it is, it also distracts
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: me from other politics or it gives me something to do,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: so I use it in that way also.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: So that's another aspect of this whole thing.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: And yeah, as we get back to whatever normal is,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: and many would argue there is no real getting back
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: to what we assumed to be normal before the pandemic,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: it is important to measure how you see yourself as
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: in taking care to not fall under the pressures and
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: lies of unrealistic expectations. We do have some advice on
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: how to care for yourself as we ease back into
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: society and as many of us have discussed, did the
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: pressures of returning how to deal with those the pressures
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: returning to putting the job first in a capitalistic society.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: So here's one letting things go prioritize what you need
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: and the best way for you to be productive. So
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: most times you can't do it all. That's unrealistic, unhealthy
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: to think that you have to and that's something that
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: you can do and we have to prioritize in order
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: to be able to be productive. So that includes saying
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: no when you don't have the time to do it,
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: or just if you don't want to. So if they're
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: asking you to volunteer, don't say yes if you don't
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: want to, if you don't enjoy it. Why learn compassionate detachment,
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: which is defined as the quote manner in which we
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: relate to others when we allow them to deal with
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: their own problems and therefore they're free to choose to
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: become responsible for their own issues. Also, you could say
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: it as you can observe, but not absorb, taking on
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: those responsibilities. And here's a few ways to do that.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: One retreat. Remove yourself from that situation if it's not
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: a situation you want to be a part of, or
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: if it's not giving you good vibes, Put down that phone,
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: walk away from that conversation, go with hide in the
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: closet if you need to. Hiding's great. I love doing that. Restore,
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: whether it's going in a quiet space like we talked about,
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: taking some deep breaths, maybe showering to wash off that
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: negativity literally, or even a much needed fifteen minute power nap.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: Who knows we evaluate? Is this person someone who is
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: there for you as much as you are there for them.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: You need to really consider what this friendship is. Is
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: it toxic? Even this work relationship? Is it uplifting and
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: same as any situation. Listen to your body, listen to
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: your instincts.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Which is sometimes easier said than done. And I'm actually
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: really working on that. Taking time for yourself, so that
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: could be things like going outside, turning off your phone.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: I just lost my phone, so I'm kind of dealing
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: with this right now.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: She's been now twice, she's envaccinated and lost her phone
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: on the second time, not the first time. That's true.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Give yourself breaks throughout the day, even if you are
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: working from home, step away from your workspace and stay connected.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Find your people. Stay connected with them, whether it's just
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: a quick text exchange or chat. Restore yourself with the
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: people who know you and love you for who you are.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Ponchos and all and Yes, Samantha even though you're Pancho
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: scared the crap out of me that one time because
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: it was hanging on a closet wall. You're still a
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: great friend of mine.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: It was my uh wearable comforter. That is a giant poncho.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: But it's the size of a tent. Yeah, because it's
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: also very very thick. It looks like a person.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Just staring at you. Is true, That's what I thought,
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: and it scared me.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: But to be fair, I am easily scared too.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Listeners, please let us know if you have any tips
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: or trick or thoughts. We love hearing them all. You
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: can email us at Stuff Media, Momstuff at iHeartMedia dot com.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: You can find us on Instagram at Stephane Never Told
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: You or on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: always to our super producer Christina, Thank you, and thanks
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: to you for listening. Stefan Never Told You is a
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: favorite shows.