Latest / The Inspired Speaker Network / Conversation With Danielle Benzon Stop Giving Your Power Away: Forgiveness, Boundaries & Letting Go

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Conversation With Danielle Benzon Stop Giving Your Power Away: Forgiveness, Boundaries & Letting Go · The Inspired Speaker Network

0:00
You are listening to The Awakening Woman On
0:03
The Rise.
0:04
If you are a woman who is seeking
0:06
to live a more authentic life, but are
0:09
feeling not enough to step out fully just
0:12
yet, you are in the right place.
0:15
If you are a woman who is looking
0:18
to live your personal truth and make the
0:20
impact you truly desire, you are in the
0:24
right place.
0:25
I'm your host, Wendy Yacboski.
0:28
Let's step out in this together.
0:30
Welcome to season two.
0:33
And I have a very special surprise for
0:36
you.
0:37
A friend and colleague, Danielle Benzon and I,
0:41
before I started this podcast, had some meetings
0:45
together where we were discussing our lives.
0:49
We were looking at them with curiosity, what's
0:54
working, what's not working, what are we curious
0:57
about, what maybe we're concerned about, and maybe
1:01
it's not really helping us to get where
1:04
we want to go, which another word for
1:07
is awakening.
1:08
So, I'm excited to share with you this
1:13
series that we are choosing to do for
1:18
you, because it totally blends in with The
1:23
Awakening Woman On The Rise, because we're talking
1:26
about what helps us awaken, what doesn't help
1:30
us awaken.
1:31
And what I love about what happens with
1:35
Danielle and I together is that we're very
1:39
open with each other.
1:41
We don't always agree, but yet we come
1:46
to an agreement that different ways of looking
1:50
at things, different ways of approaching things in
1:53
life is absolutely perfect for each of us.
1:57
And so, I know that you will find
1:59
yourself in these podcast episodes, and hopefully you
2:07
will feel supported, as I've talked to you
2:09
previously in the past, that you're not alone
2:13
in awakening.
2:14
We are all going through this together.
2:17
And so, enjoy Danielle and I.
2:20
You'll be happy you did.
2:22
Oh my God, Danielle, I'm so happy to
2:25
be here.
2:25
We have the best conversations, and I'm glad
2:29
that we're going to be sharing with others
2:31
who might be able to appreciate them too.
2:33
We do.
2:34
And this is our gift to the world.
2:39
We have decided that we're going to share
2:40
our wonderful conversations, because they are.
2:43
We go really deep.
2:44
Wendy is an ordained minister.
2:49
Is that what you are?
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And she has been working with people for
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a long time, and she has so many
2:55
insights.
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And every time I talk to her, I
2:58
grow a little bit more.
3:00
So, hopefully, talking to us both, you will
3:02
also get some growth out of this.
3:05
I think that's kind of our plan, is
3:08
to just discuss the human condition and our
3:11
vulnerabilities and weaknesses, because we are just humans
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too, and just our insights.
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It's going to be great.
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I'm excited.
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Yeah, me too.
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Sorry?
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We're starting with such a light topic as
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well.
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There's no easing you in here.
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We're just going to throw you in.
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It's kind of light.
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Wendy mentioned before we started that she wanted
3:38
to talk, or at least begin.
3:41
We don't know where this conversation is going,
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because it's live.
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But we're going to start on the theme
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of forgiveness, because something kind of sparked you
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this morning.
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Do you want to start us off?
3:55
Mm-hmm.
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So, part of my spiritual development over the
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years is now including A Course in Miracles.
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And this morning, I was on a three
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-hour workshop for forgiveness, where we are asked
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about 14 questions that we answer, like, what
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do we feel sad about?
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What do we feel angry about?
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All manner of what do we feel guilty
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about, ashamed about, but ending with, what is
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it I can do now?
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It really takes acknowledging the pain that we
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experience, the unforgiveness, and looking to see how
4:42
we can forgive and actually free ourselves.
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This is the thing that really speaks to
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me about forgiveness, because I never believed that
4:54
unforgiveness never ended.
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Let me correct myself.
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What?
5:01
Unforgiveness.
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I know, never ended.
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Because I'm thinking, how can you undo something
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that's done?
5:09
With A Course in Miracles, I am learning.
5:13
This is so powerful, and it almost brings
5:15
tears to my eyes, but I won't do
5:17
that first session.
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But it brings tears to my eyes that
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one of the lessons in A Course in
5:24
Miracles is that I give everything it has.
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I give everything, the meaning it has, everything
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that happens in my life, and that's a
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huge chunk of, what was that?
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Yeah.
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Because again, I just really believe that life,
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what goes on in life, is terminal.
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I never thought that it was about what
5:54
I made it mean.
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And so this is not, when we talk
5:57
about forgiveness, this is not about saying, this
6:00
didn't happen, or this didn't hurt.
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But what am I making it mean about
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me?
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If somebody hurt me somehow, it's not maybe
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just what they said, or the words that
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they used.
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It's kind of like, this means I'm not
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okay.
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This means I'm not loved.
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This means I don't ever want to risk
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again.
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This means whatever meaning I give it.
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And it just seems, Danielle, that these days,
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there is so much challenge in forgiving because
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some of the things that happen, not only
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personally, but globally, feel unforgiving.
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And I can totally understand with various things
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that have happened over generations appear unforgivable.
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But forgiveness frees us.
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It doesn't absolve.
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It frees us to move on.
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It's not absolution.
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And that's, yeah, that's what I wanted to,
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I have something to say about absolution in
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a second.
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But also, I have to say this because
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I'm a Shakespeare geek.
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You were talking about, you give everything its
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meaning.
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And in Hamlet, he says, nothing is good
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or bad, but thinking makes it so.
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And that it's just such a like, yeah,
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we imbue everything with meaning.
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Humans are meaning-making machines.
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It's what we do.
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And I think that word forgiveness can be
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very triggering for some people.
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And I think for me as well, because
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there are certain things that I think, like,
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this is not okay.
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And I don't want to say it's okay,
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because it's not okay.
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And I want to stand for what's right.
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And I want to, you know, I want
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to fight for freedom and integrity and all
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that stuff.
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But at the same time, if I'm holding
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on to something, that's bad for me.
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So for me, when you talk about forgiveness,
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I do a little translation in my brain.
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And I go, it's not about telling them
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it's okay.
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Because sometimes I think a lot of people
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think forgiveness is about telling them it's okay.
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Like, no, this is about me, like you
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said, moving on, freeing myself from that past
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situation.
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For me, it's almost more like radical acceptance.
8:31
Like, I'm not going to dwell on it.
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I'm not going to think about it anymore.
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It's not going to own me.
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I'm not going to wish them ill, because
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that's not letting go.
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That's the fruit of the poisonous tree or
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whatever that poem is.
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I'm not going to waste my time on
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that anymore.
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I'm just going to completely let it go.
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And for me, that's kind of, and let
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it go with love, but not by not
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saying it's okay.
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And if it, you know, if it happened
9:00
again, or if someone brought it up or
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something, I would need to create boundaries and
9:03
stand against that.
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But for me, it's more about this radical
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acceptance of I can't change the past.
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What has happened has happened.
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And if I dwell on it, then I'm
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dragging that into my present and my future.
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And I don't want to do that.
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Does that does that jive with your version
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with your definition?
9:25
Unknown Speaker Absolutely, it does.
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And I'm thinking too, it's, it's, it's always
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easy for me to, to think about, you
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know, in past years, when, when I believe
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that somebody did something to me, but let's
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broaden the spectrum here.
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We can be in a car accident, or,
9:44
or, or COVID, or whatever it is something
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that, that impacts our life in such a
9:52
way as it's not like it was before.
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And, and sometimes, something else I've learned is
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that when I blame someone or something, I
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am, in fact, giving it my power, because
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I'm saying that because of you, I'm done,
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like, you know, this 100% you're giving
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that, as soon as you blame someone, you're
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taking your autonomy away, you're taking your, your,
10:23
your, your efficacy away.
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And it's like, well, it's because of you.
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So like, you know, I'm an inanimate object
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now.
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And yeah, totally.
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And that's not, that's not a good way
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to live.
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Unknown Speaker Yeah, you know what word just
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popped into my mind?
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Daniela's agency.
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Yes, that's the word I was looking for.
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Thank you.
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Unknown Speaker The only reason that I bring
10:45
it up, because it popped up, bring it
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up is because I think so many people
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and I know it's not only men, but
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a lot of women I know, or hear
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speak, you know, they've built their agency, and
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they built their agency by taking responsibility for
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themselves.
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It doesn't mean not accepting what's happened.
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But it's okay.
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That happened.
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And I choose now to Unknown Speaker Yes.
11:16
Yes, that happened.
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And my therapist is always making sure that
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she's on me about using and language instead
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of but language, because you got to you
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got to use she calls it gray thinking
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as instead of instead of like black and
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gray thinking.
11:33
Because things can exist.
11:35
You could James is always telling me you
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could be two things.
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But it's true.
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And and life is complex and nuanced.
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Yeah, I can be in pain.
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And I can choose to act.
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I can be completely devastated by something.
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And I can choose not to let that
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ruin my the rest of my life.
12:02
Yeah, absolutely.
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Yeah, it's not that I don't believe.
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I don't believe that people deserve what happens
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to them.
12:10
I don't believe that I don't think I
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don't think we live in this universe where
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we're like, Oh, you must have done something
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to deserve that horrible thing that happened.
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I absolutely don't believe that I think the
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universe is chaotic, and not cruel, just random,
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random and chaotic and horrible things happen all
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the time.
12:28
And we we don't we don't have complete
12:34
control.
12:34
We don't have any control over our environment.
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The only thing that we have control of
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is, you know, ourselves and that even, you
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know, only to a degree, but to the
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degree that we have, I think we should
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take it.
12:46
You know, it's not always enough.
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But it's all we've got.
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Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
12:54
And I think, building on what you're saying,
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Danielle, I've heard in my mind, I'm remembering
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hearing someone say, I am not going to
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cry, they're not going to get the benefit
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of my tears.
13:10
And, and, and I want to say that
13:14
feeling our emotions, ideally privately, or with somebody
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we really, really, really trust.
13:23
Or somewhere safe, absolutely.
13:26
But But the important thing about allowing ourselves
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to feel our emotions, whether it's actually weeping,
13:34
and or journaling and or screaming into a
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pillow and or hitting something inanimate.
13:41
What it does is it helps release from
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the body.
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If we're not releasing, it stays there and
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it becomes a block.
13:53
Yes.
13:55
Yes.
13:56
Emotions are there.
13:57
There are guides like this is our body
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talking to us.
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Your emotions are your body saying, hey, something's
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wrong.
14:04
We need to take action.
14:05
We need to let this go.
14:06
We need to do whatever.
14:07
And suppressing or ignoring that information.
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It's toxic.
14:13
It's so bad for you.
14:14
And I personally, I mean, I know that,
14:16
you know, not everyone feels comfortable being emotional
14:19
in public.
14:20
But when I, when I am sad, I
14:24
kind of have this little defiant streak in
14:26
me.
14:26
Because I think that emotions are healthy.
14:29
And I think feeling your emotions is healthy.
14:31
Taking your emotions out on somebody is not
14:33
okay.
14:34
Again, that's a that's a personal responsibility thing,
14:36
but feeling them.
14:38
Everyone should be entitled to feel how they
14:40
feel at any time, whether they're in public
14:44
or not.
14:44
And if I am on the bus, and
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I am sad, I will cry.
14:47
Or if I am out in a coffee
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shop, and I am sad, I will cry.
14:51
And I have I have gotten pushed back
14:54
from this.
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I don't like, you know, I don't lie
14:57
on the floor and scream.
14:59
I just you know, if the tears want
15:00
to come, I let them come.
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I don't push it down.
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Because I think that it's, it's healthy.
15:05
And it's healthy to feel.
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And I think if we don't model, and
15:10
we being like, people who feel safe and
15:12
strong enough, because you know, not everyone has
15:14
the spoons.
15:15
And not everyone is in an emotional place
15:17
where they can be vulnerable.
15:18
Those of us who can be vulnerable, who
15:20
do feel safe, I feel like the more
15:23
we can model emotionality, just as part of
15:27
our everyday life, the more normal it will
15:29
become.
15:30
This is kind of like, you know, talking
15:32
about mental health, or, you know, we have
15:35
to normalize it.
15:37
If we don't normalize being emotional, and I'm
15:39
not saying, taking your emotions out on someone
15:42
sitting at a coffee shop and having a
15:44
coffee by myself with tears going down my
15:46
face is very different from screaming at someone
15:49
or, you know, like that, those are not
15:51
the same thing.
15:52
But allowing yourself to feel your emotions fully,
15:58
and let them move through you.
16:01
Teach them, teach you what they have to
16:03
teach you.
16:04
Because they're telling you something important.
16:07
Yeah, honoring yourself in that way that I
16:11
think that's a that's a type of self
16:12
love.
16:14
Yes.
16:15
Yeah, absolutely.
16:17
Danielle.
16:18
I'm just thinking about the various times.
16:23
I'm just trying to think whether I have
16:26
not not been guilty about this.
16:28
Let me just guilty loaded word.
16:31
Let's not use that one.
16:32
Yes.
16:33
For the next.
16:33
No, they're not talking about guilt.
16:37
And I'm just saying that not everyone is
16:41
aware that when they repress their emotions, emotion
16:45
is is like emotion, energy in motion.
16:48
And when when it's repressed, it's it actually
16:52
needs to come out.
16:53
Yes, the body can hold it.
16:55
And there's a point where it needs to
16:57
come out.
16:58
And yeah, and when it does, sometimes it's
17:00
slashing out at someone saying something like, I
17:03
can't believe that came out of my mouth.
17:06
Like, you know, so I love what you're
17:11
saying about self love, Danielle, because and it's
17:14
not only self love, it's actually loving the
17:17
world in a way not to give it
17:18
like such a big global thing.
17:20
But But when we can love ourselves, we
17:22
can love others more, which doesn't mean forgiving,
17:25
I mean, is saying that the that that
17:27
what was wrong was right.
17:30
It's not that, but it's about can we
17:32
love ourselves enough to go?
17:35
You know what, there's a reason I don't
17:37
understand that that person did that.
17:41
And what do I choose?
17:43
Yeah, and just not let it or just,
17:46
you know, just let it go.
17:47
You know, I feel like we don't always
17:48
have to we don't always have to make
17:50
nice with the people who've heard us.
17:51
I don't think that's necessary.
17:54
I don't think it's healthy.
17:56
Actually, there's a lot of situations where it's
17:58
not a good idea.
17:59
But you don't need to waste your time.
18:03
There's a difference between like actively pushing them
18:05
away.
18:07
And just letting it go.
18:08
You know, letting it go means there isn't
18:10
anything left.
18:11
And what you said about that, you know,
18:13
the body can hold it, the body can
18:16
hold emotions, but it creates sickness, and it
18:19
creates chronic tension.
18:21
And it, you know, I, I'm in, I'm
18:24
in my, my early 40s.
18:26
And I am not a healthy person.
18:27
But I am weirdly healthy for for the
18:31
lifestyle that I have.
18:32
And I honestly think it's because I'm, I'm
18:35
so emotional.
18:35
And I'm so open about my emotions.
18:38
I mean, I may not always practice the
18:41
best.
18:42
I'm working on it.
18:43
I may not always look after my body
18:44
as well as I can.
18:45
But that is one thing I do do
18:47
for my body is I let it feel
18:49
and I you know, I don't have a
18:51
lot of a lot of that that tension
18:55
that that people have that those blocks, and
18:58
that illness created by emotion, at least that's
19:01
one area where I am.
19:03
Because it does it can it and it
19:06
when it when little bits just come out,
19:09
like when you snap at someone or something,
19:11
that's not the whole that's just the little,
19:13
you know, with a little bit of steam
19:14
coming out the top, that's not that's not
19:16
taking the lid off.
19:17
That's not letting the whole thing kind of
19:19
air out.
19:20
That's just a tiny little bit that just
19:22
escaped.
19:23
And there's more.
19:24
And so even if you do, if you
19:26
do feel that it's, it's not enough to
19:29
go, Oh, well, I snapped at someone the
19:31
other day.
19:31
So now I'm totally Yeah, I think, I
19:38
think there's Yeah, there's something to be said
19:39
about, you know, and wanting to walk through
19:42
the world with love, which means that I'm
19:47
not holding, I've let that person go, and
19:49
I don't need to make nice with them.
19:51
But I'm walking through the world with love.
19:53
That's my choice.
19:56
That's my act of rebellion.
19:58
Yeah.
19:59
And, and if they come at me again,
20:01
I will have to, you know, defend myself
20:04
in some way.
20:05
But I'm not going to sit around thinking
20:07
about how I'm going to defend myself, you
20:09
know, because that's a waste of my energy.
20:11
Does that mean you're right?
20:13
Absolutely makes sense.
20:15
I and I don't think I realized until
20:17
not that long ago, how much energy self
20:21
protection requires.
20:24
Oh, my God.
20:27
Yeah.
20:28
You know, and there's probably more to talk
20:31
about that.
20:32
But I just I really want to bring
20:33
up something that I think is so important.
20:37
And that's self forgiveness.
20:38
Sometimes, even when someone else has done something
20:43
to us, let's say.
20:47
Sometimes we hold guilt for that, too, I
20:50
must have deserved it, or, or why didn't
20:53
I say something?
20:55
Oh, my God, I'm a carpet, like, you
20:58
know, they're just what, you know, so I
21:00
think another, you know, self forgiveness, I, it
21:04
took me a few years to realize that
21:06
I actually maybe blamed myself for something.
21:10
Not that I made it happen.
21:13
But, but, but that I judged myself harshly.
21:20
Yeah, thinking that maybe it's what I deserved,
21:23
who I was.
21:24
And that's not the truth.
21:27
You know, like, like, like, no human deserves
21:31
the amount of most most humans go through,
21:34
you know, like, I think I think all
21:36
of us have been through more pain than
21:37
we deserve.
21:38
Yeah.
21:39
But I think I think let's talk about
21:42
self talk.
21:43
Okay, because that's a whole kettle of fish
21:47
can of worms.
21:47
I'm not sure I was gonna say kettle
21:48
of worms like that's not right.
21:52
That's a whole other thing, which I think
21:55
there's a lot in there we can dig
21:57
deep into.
21:58
But I love what you said about sometimes
22:00
we take on something and blame ourselves for
22:04
something that isn't our fault.
22:05
And sometimes we just do stupid stuff, bad
22:09
stuff.
22:10
I mean, it happens.
22:11
I think of some of the things that
22:13
I did more than a decade ago that
22:16
I am ashamed of, you know, and forgiving
22:20
myself for those things.
22:22
It's harder because I can kind of look
22:24
back and go, at the time, I felt
22:25
completely justified.
22:28
And now looking back, I cringe, I'm like,
22:32
Oh, my goodness, how could you be so,
22:35
so selfish, so uncaring, so cruel spirited.
22:39
And I think, but I also think and
22:42
I can't remember who said this, but a
22:44
lot of people say this, you know, if
22:46
you don't cringe at your past self, then
22:48
you haven't grown.
22:50
And so that is that is the thing
22:51
that I tell myself over and over again,
22:54
to just get over, you know, it's okay,
22:58
it's okay that I did bad things.
23:00
And I mean, that sort of forgiveness, I
23:04
can't go back and fix it.
23:05
I mean, as much as I can, I
23:07
do, you know, if there's someone that you
23:08
can make amends to, or, you know, often
23:10
it was just a, you know, offhanded remark
23:13
to someone you're never going to see again,
23:14
there's nothing I can do about that.
23:16
But, you know, if the person is still
23:18
in your life, you can make amends.
23:20
Or you can, you know, if you can
23:21
find them or whatever, but even then just,
23:24
you know, just living by going, Okay, I
23:26
can't fix what I did.
23:27
But I can live in the moment, and
23:29
I can pay it forward.
23:30
And I can, you know, I can do
23:31
my best to heal.
23:33
It may not be that person that I'm
23:35
helping now, but I'm helping other people.
23:37
And, you know, live in that way, not,
23:39
not as a kind of penance, but just
23:43
as a, as an intention of putting my
23:47
best out into the world.
23:49
And I think that's how I'm, I haven't
23:53
quite forgiven myself for some of the things
23:54
that I've done, but I'm working on it.
23:56
And that's, that's, do you have any other
23:58
advice?
24:01
Unknown Speaker Well, first of all, not advice,
24:05
but admiration.
24:06
I admire you for being as transparent and
24:10
honest as you are.
24:11
Because I, I know for myself, that there
24:14
was a time I felt so much intellectual
24:18
humiliation at, at acknowledging my, my faults, or
24:24
my, my weaknesses, or my whatever, like there
24:28
was some kind of shame about learning, you
24:30
know, we're all learning in life, right?
24:33
We're here, here to learn, many of us
24:35
believe, and shame ourselves for being here to,
24:41
to learn.
24:44
Hopefully learning, we tend to hopefully not repeat
24:48
too many times.
24:49
But I really do appreciate Danielle, that you
24:53
were willing to share that.
24:54
Because I think that, and when I teach
24:57
for Canadian Mental Health Association in their Living
25:01
Life to the Full program, it's one thing
25:03
I say often, I said, this is about
25:07
information about ourselves, it's about self awareness, it's
25:10
not about self judgment, it's not about anything
25:13
like that.
25:14
Because until we know where we are, we
25:18
can't really get where we want to be.
25:22
Unknown Speaker Yes, radical self acceptance.
25:27
Yeah, yeah, because we're not and we're not
25:29
who we want to be.
25:30
We're not.
25:31
Yeah.
25:32
Not now.
25:33
I mean, maybe that's what we're working towards.
25:35
But we're all human.
25:37
And we all have bad days.
25:39
And we all do things we're ashamed of.
25:41
And I think, I like what you said
25:43
about learning, you know, if I if I
25:46
thought of myself, that kind of self parenting
25:50
thing, you know, if I if I thought
25:52
of myself as a six year old, who
25:55
did the thing that I did, would I
25:58
I wouldn't treat them the way I treat
25:59
myself now, I would, I would explain, you
26:02
know, this is why this is why this
26:04
isn't okay.
26:05
This is the consequence of what just happened.
26:08
This is how we can learn from it.
26:09
But I would be very gentle and compassionate,
26:11
because I feel like at some point, we
26:14
feel like, well, because we're growing up, we
26:15
should know better.
26:16
And we should.
26:18
But also, we're constantly having new experiences.
26:21
And you can't, you know, you can't accommodate
26:24
for everything.
26:25
And, you know, there's trauma, and there's all
26:27
sorts of other reasons why we act the
26:29
way we do.
26:30
So I love that that brings a lot
26:31
of compassion into it.
26:33
Just treat yourself like you're learning.
26:35
I love that.
26:35
That's great advice.
26:36
So you did have some advice for me
26:38
after all.
26:38
Thank you, Wendy.
26:39
For you, Danielle, free.
26:41
Oh, excellent.
26:42
I love it.
26:43
I'll, I'll send a check in the mail.
26:49
And Danielle, seriously, can you imagine that, that
26:53
the more we can practice realizing that we're
26:56
learning with a sense of compassion for ourselves
27:00
and for others, how much different the world
27:04
would be?
27:05
Not, not everyone knows compassion.
27:08
And it's apparent that, that some others don't
27:10
know compassion, but who knows what age they're
27:14
acting from?
27:16
You know, yeah.
27:18
And this is the problem with being taught
27:20
to suppress your emotions, and being taught, being
27:24
taught that it's possible to be a purely
27:26
logical being because it's not, you're not, I'm
27:29
sorry, you're not a computer.
27:30
And as much as people would say, Oh,
27:32
I'm completely logical.
27:34
Some people more than others.
27:36
Sure.
27:37
But not 100%.
27:38
We're human beings.
27:40
We aren't, we, the physical system is part
27:44
of how we interpret the world.
27:46
And the physical system is not necessarily logical.
27:48
And it is reactive in a different way.
27:51
It has its own logic, I suppose.
27:53
But the point is, is that we, we
27:57
are often educated out of learning and growing.
28:04
And we're kind of educated into this controlled,
28:09
repressed, static state, where we can't grow, because
28:17
we haven't given ourselves permission.
28:19
Or, you know, we haven't given ourselves the
28:22
space to grow.
28:22
And so we're stuck.
28:24
And then we have all these adults who
28:25
are stuck.
28:27
And yeah, exactly.
28:28
We don't know what age they're speaking from.
28:30
And we wonder why there's so much miscommunication
28:34
and hatred and bigotry in the world.
28:36
And the more compassionate we can be, but
28:40
compassionate without ever being, and there's a big
28:44
difference between compassion and letting things slide.
28:50
You know, never excusing.
28:54
Compassionate, but cause and effect still exist.
28:59
You know, and we don't, you know, and
29:01
like a six-year-old who maybe punched
29:04
their friend in the face, we're not going
29:06
to say it's okay.
29:08
We're going to say, you hurt that person.
29:10
They are in pain now.
29:12
And maybe there's something you can do to
29:16
rectify that pain.
29:17
But the consequence might be that you may
29:19
not have that friend anymore.
29:21
And that sucks.
29:23
That's reality.
29:24
And we're going to compassionately learn through it.
29:26
But we're not going to say that it's
29:28
okay.
29:28
And we're not going to force them to
29:29
be friends with you, because they may not
29:30
feel safe.
29:31
And so accepting the consequences of our actions,
29:34
accepting the consequences of violence and, you know,
29:44
like knee-jerk reactions, you know, without thinking,
29:48
accepting the consequences of that, reactiveness, that's what
29:51
I wanted to say, without judging or shaming
29:55
or, you know, this long, drawn-out blame
30:01
stuff, just kind of compassionately going, well, we
30:04
live in reality.
30:05
This is what's going to happen.
30:07
How can we learn from it?
30:09
How can we make it better?
30:10
Yeah, absolutely.
30:13
Yeah, absolutely.
30:16
Yeah, I'm just, I'm just thinking, you know,
30:21
if I was to say something, as a
30:23
reminder to, you know, to everyone here is
30:26
to just really remember that forgiveness is not
30:30
about condoning, but it is about freeing ourselves,
30:33
whether or not somebody enacted on us, or
30:38
whether we enacted on ourselves.
30:41
That forgiveness is about freedom, not bondage.
30:47
And I remember reading, I'm not sure if
30:51
it was in my ministerial learning or whichever,
30:54
but that which we resist, or pretends not
30:59
true, or rationalizes or whatever, we're actually anchoring
31:03
ourselves to that very, that very thing, that
31:06
very energy or vibration.
31:09
We think we're not, but in fact, we
31:11
are.
31:12
So it's not until we free ourselves, that
31:15
we can actually let go of that thing.
31:18
Even if you feel like you're defining yourself
31:21
as the opposite of something, you're requiring that
31:23
to exist, and you're anchoring yourself to that.
31:26
What if you just cut the ties and
31:27
floated free?
31:30
How about that?
31:31
So yeah, I love what you just said.
31:33
And I think it's a perfect place to
31:34
end this, and to ask our listeners today,
31:38
and please, you know, comment if you have,
31:40
if you have something you're brave enough to
31:41
share.
31:42
But if you're not, don't worry about it.
31:44
Just ask yourself, what is it that you
31:46
are holding on to, that you could benefit
31:50
from letting go?
31:52
Is there something that you're holding on to,
31:55
that you're ashamed about, that you've participated in?
31:59
Or is there something that you're holding on
32:01
to, that someone has hurt you, and you
32:03
feel wounded, and you want recompense for?
32:06
And not saying that you don't deserve care
32:09
and, you know, healing, but is there something
32:14
that you can let go of, that the
32:17
act of letting go would make you healthier,
32:19
and happier, and stronger?
32:21
Because you only have so much energy.
32:24
Let's spend it on creating the life that
32:26
you want, not avoiding the life that you
32:29
don't want.
32:30
So Wendy, I just want to say, this
32:31
was amazing.
32:32
This was only the first episode of Wisdom
32:35
Wednesdays, and it was so fun already.
32:37
I think next week, we'll talk about self
32:39
-talk, because there's a lot there.
32:42
We're going deep, but we're going with compassion,
32:44
and joy, and fun.
32:45
You know, it's okay to talk about dark
32:47
stuff.
32:49
So Wendy, any final thoughts you'd like to
32:51
say before we wrap up?
32:53
Oh, gosh, what would I like to say?
32:56
Yeah, what I would really like to say,
32:59
honest to God, is that the more agency
33:05
we can build within ourselves, the less beholden
33:10
we will be to the greater whole, you
33:15
know, to out there, right?
33:17
Whether it's government, whether it's organizations, whether it's
33:21
whatever it is that feels like it has
33:24
us by the short ones.
33:27
The more agency, the more freedom, the more
33:31
agency we build in ourselves, there's just so
33:38
much more that's possible through us, because I
33:41
believe we came here on purpose.
33:44
We have something to give, yeah.
33:47
Yes, so let's go out there and make
33:49
ourselves more powerful.
33:51
Let's be powerful.
33:52
Let's be a power in the world.
33:54
Thank you so much, Wendy, for this wonderful
33:56
conversation.
33:57
I look forward to the next one.
33:59
Thank you so much for listening, and we'll
34:01
see you next Wednesday.
34:02
Okay, bye.
34:04
Yay!