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Healthcare Careers Transitioning into Purpose with Lorenzo Otero · The Her Promise Circle Podcast

• speaker-0: It is episode two of the Her Promise Circle podcast. And I'm here with one of my favorite people who I've known a total of 12 days. It's fine though because we are gonna talk about how God tends to change our plans, how God tends to connect us with people, and how he always knows better somehow. So I'm just gonna let him introduce himself because I'll go on forever. So hi. speaker-1: Well hello. Thank you for having me first of all. Super excited. Mine's Lorenzo. speaker-0: I love that you're here. Hi. my God, it's really nice to meet you. What's your name again? I'm c I I couldn't remember. Okay. Fair. Lorenz, got it. speaker-1: Changes every time. I'm a registered nurse. I have been a registered nurse for a little over two years now. Started in the medical ICU back at home. I worked there my full two years, got my CCRN, and I've just been working beside and doing all the things in between that I can, honestly, as a nurse. I feel like you get to like this weird point where you're like, well, I might as well just do everything now because I can. Yeah. So like where where do we start? speaker-0: First let's talk about meeting 'cause speaker-1: Okay. So this is actually funny because I always tell people I'm so shy and I'm speaker-0: Wait, when have you ever said that? speaker-1: But we never got there because speaker-0: Never with strangers. I've known you my whole life. Wow. speaker-1: Literally, okay, so when I started on the unit, you get one day of orientation because like you're already a nurse, so like just you don't need that. Yeah, that was my first shift. I would remember I was with the Yes, that was my first day. And so I got there half the night, everybody was so dead silent, and I'm like. This won't do. I'm a yapper. I'm looking at yapper. I can't like speaker-0: I made it your first day. Mm-hmm. speaker-1: This just won't do. I'm talking to my patients, like, I'm sorry, I'm getting all the nerves, huh? And it's my first day, so I can't like be psychotic yet. You have to like let it warm up. Yeah. speaker-0: Yeah. People have to think you're normal first. And then you ease it in. Literally. Yeah. Then you do that like head shake thing you do with your speaker-1: Well Mikhail comes instantly. speaker-0: Not Mikkel. speaker-1: comes into the unit and she's literally hard, harring and cackling and I'm like side I'm cause I'm like, I wanna have fun. Like what is going on? No speaker-0: already in the unit, I think. speaker-1: I was like side eyeing 'cause I'm like, they have to be the RTs because only RTs come around and have fun and laugh. And I'm pretty sure I asked all that. So I open up the breathroom door and I stand out there while they're laughing and I literally look at them and I go, Y'all are having too much fun. speaker-0: No, he literally busts the door down. Just like speaker-1: You did too. And after that, we've just been kiki king since like Moss up. Yeah. For a whole entire twelve years now. speaker-0: No no serio twelve years fit into twelve days. It's been like a really wild ride. So how did you get here? speaker-1: That's actually the funniest part of this all. So originally when I started travel nursing, I messaged my recruiters, I've got like 19 of them. And you know, the first thing that they kind of call and ask is like, where do you want to go? Where do you not want to go? Blah, blah, blah. And when we got to the where do not want to go? Atlanta of USA absolute number one place I did not want to go. I never have had a positive experience in Atlanta. speaker-0: Why? What's your problem? You harshly judged us for what reason? speaker-1: The airport is what did it for you? Cause like, why am I getting cussed out for having on the belt by like I forgot my bad people like flicking you off because you turned your blinker on and I'm speaker-0: And you're going ninety and they're like, You're going too slow and you're like, I'm literally gonna crash and burn but speaker-1: So it was just never n never appealing to me. It's no secret that rates are in the toilet right now. You know, if the money's not the best thing in the world, that's fine because the p I feel like the part of travel nursing is the experience of wherever you're going to. Yeah. So my number one place was LA. Then I did. And that was another reason that California wasn't working for me. I had signed a contract. Well, got all the way to the part of signing it, signed it, and then got cancelled. And I was like speaker-0: You a few cancelled too, like speaker-1: So then I was like, let me try again. I was like, all right. So I get another one. We get through the whole process. I'm like, okay, cool, ready to go, canceled again. So I'm like, clearly I'm not supposed to be in California right now. But I also was like, but still not in Atlanta. So when is a win? Yeah. Fair. I'm like, okay, well, something has to give. And so my recruiter was like, hey, just like try this and revisit California at a later date. Cool. We can revisit anywhere in the United States except for. And what the people say? Atlanta. And ended up meeting this friend who's also a travel nurse. And she was like, Let's just go to Atlanta. It's not too far. If we need to come back home, like we're right here. And so that's how I ended up in Atlanta. I applied for a job and it literally immediately got approved. speaker-0: Of course, we need you. speaker-1: So here I am. I always had like Instagram, Facebook, you know, like the regular stuff that every kid or college student has. Right. And I think it was around like COVID. I posted a TikTok and it went viral. It was literally the most like niche. I didn't think anything of it. And then I woke up and it had like one point something million. And I was like, okay, well that's really like awkward. and so speaker-0: Doing it. speaker-1: I was like, okay, one hit wonder. Cause that's how it goes. Like, I feel like a lot of times on social media. Like you post one thing, you go viral, cool, whatever. So posted something that wasn't nursing after that just to like test it. And of course it flopped. Then posted another TikTok that was like that similar niche. And it went viral again. And I was like, Y'all think I'm a nurse, huh? I'm sorry. I just thought there was something clever or like relatable. I started posting it on there and it just kind of Took off from there. Yeah. Snowball. Yeah. Insane. I still every time somebody's like, gosh, like, how long did you do it? I'm like, I don't know, because it really like not. speaker-0: And then it happened. Yesterday I saw you did an interview with Nair's John. I feel like this is something you should have like told me. Okay, but like, I mean, how was that a long time ago? speaker-1: Random Tuesday. Yes. Excad be there. no, probably like a year ago if. It was his last tour that he did. I think I DMed him and was Hey, like you to Augusta. I'm super excited because I know me and a bunch of coworkers from work were going. Yeah. and he ended up responding and then was Hey like, why don't you just come hang out with the crew and everything beforehand? Yeah. So we did a short podcast and it was super fun. A little bit of it. So it was exciting. speaker-0: Absolutely. I also saw I'm obviously stock is page. I also saw I also saw you did like a scrub sort of speaker-1: Yes. Okay. So I am a brand ambassador for Scroll brand called Jonu and basically they like flew us out for their launch for a collection that they had. We did photo shoots, videos. That's super nice. All the videos, fun stuff. It was great. So it was. And that was intimidating because I'm like I'm a nurse. But like also a content creator. So it's like But then it's like, Am I really actually going to like LA or am I getting kidnapped? speaker-0: Sounds like fun. You are. So like confident as a person. Right. Okay, that's a fair question. speaker-1: Like when you're it's real but like when it's happening to you and you're like reading the email I'm like so am I like going to the airport for real in this sh in this shuttle or like going who's and I'm just going. That's the problem. speaker-0: Well, I mean, that's why you do that kind of stuff in your twenties, 'cause I'm sure I was riding and things I had no business riding in then. So I wanna know if you had planned to travel, like jump around on purpose. Like what made you wanna like do travel nursing? speaker-1: Think the biggest thing for wanting to travel was growth. I'm from a smaller town, and so some people are gonna hate me for this, but small town mentality is a thing. When you are from a small town and that's all you know, it's hindering you in a way that I don't think people truly understand because there's so much more to the world than town, yeah. speaker-0: It's killing us. Where we're from speaker-1: And I think the only reason I was even able to understand that concept is because originally I'm from Columbus, Ohio. Right. So I was born there, grew up there until I was like thirteen, fourteen years old. That's where my family was. That's where everybody was at. And then my dad moved to Georgia when I was like super young. So I used to visit for summers. And then I finally was like, I'm gonna live here and my mom eventually was like, Okay. Yeah. Like it's time for you to go explore other things, you know, and live with your dad. Right. So I came here and then I will never forget one day, this was in postgrad. So I had started working. Okay. I'm meeting travel nurses and I'm like, You guys are having a ball I'm working for pennies and y'all are like living yeah, like what's going on? But speaker-0: Like literally a blast. Back then, yeah, it was great. speaker-1: So I remember like working and I just remember one day thinking like I literally can be thoughtless and live here and that was when I had like my absol like my awakening. yeah. Something has to change. speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you're like living on autopilot for a while and you're like, whoa. speaker-1: I'm efficient. You should not be autopilot inefficient. Like I was efficient on autopilot. I didn't have to think to live there. And comfort is like a big fear of mine. So I know people who are comfortable and they're gonna be in the same Yeah. Yeah. I'm not I'm not that speaker-0: Scary. Because I'm the same way. gonna die there. Not interested. Like I really I don't think I'll ever be happy until I see like my full capabilities. And I feel like every time I get fearful, obviously like that's all we talk about is every time I get fearful I'm like my god that's so scary like I have to do it because like what so I'm gonna stay here. Yeah I'm gonna stay here forever and just stay here and and be miserable and and stuck in one place. Where I'm from people haven't even like been on airplanes. Yeah. Like people haven't even been to the next town like That scared me alone. And then it's like people are like, Yeah, we went to high school. I married the person I met in high school. And then like, you know, we went to college and now we just live our best country life and like have kids and die. And I was like, not, but like for me. It's not for me. Like it's just it's not for me. My point was you're you were doing traveling, but you kind of came here and your plan shifted a little. Like rememb remember y'all, his speaker-1: Did speaker-0: plan is to be traveling and bopping and, you know, having a party, having a good time, right? speaker-1: was actually a hard transition because I was looking for somewhere to stay, but I only you you're you're traveling, so you only need to be there for like three, three and a half months. And so that was the plan. And remind mind you, it's Atlanta, Georgia. So I'm like, it can only be five to ten dollars to live here. Like how it recama we have the World Cup and it literally made the housing market for like rental properties for Airbnb for furnish finder, like all these places, their prices are just through the roof. And it was just not gonna work like I think what was making my attitude about it even worse was I already didn't want to be in Atlanta and I was already looking at paying that price to live in LA. It's literally just like it was just cumulative It was just cumulative like things going on. And the whole time I'm thinking like, Why is this all happening? Like there's literally no reason for this to be going so south. Like nothing else has gone this south with work. And it just kept escalating from there. Literally. And then we were in a time crunch. I'm like living with a family friend's friend. And so long story short, I signed a six month lease to stay and now I'm in my apartment. I've been And it's I mean it's so it's perfect. I love it. It's literally perfect. It's very you. And that's like it makes me excited to go back home after I'm I love my apartment. It's got great amenities. So that's the pivot point that we're at right now is I was only supposed to be here for three days and now I'm gonna be in Atlanta for six months. speaker-0: It's so cute. So why do you think? speaker-1: God's timing. God's plan. speaker-0: What's his plan? speaker-1: I I have no I wish I I wish I knew. I have no idea. speaker-0: Tell us. Need you to understand, like looking at your timeline where it's like, okay, like I have this plan. Like, I want to go to L I want to be here and there. And it's like, no, shut down, shut down, shut down, shut down. Okay, great. why don't we try Atlanta? We try Atlanta. Then we get in Atlanta, we're stressed, can't find anywhere. Also working nights. also working in every situation you thought you were not gonna work, and then you ended up there. speaker-1: Exhausted. Mind j'all, wrong job too. Not even the right job. speaker-0: Okay, listen, the amount of people that literally told him like I I'd have stopped you five times a night and was like, Why what are you doing here? Like, what are you doing here? You have no answer for me. I don't. speaker-1: Just Like I'm just trusting the process. Sometimes you just sometimes you have to just just listen and say yes, sir, and just like move on about it in the best way you can. speaker-0: But did you notice it in the moment where it's like, Okay, no, no, no, no, no? Was there a moment where you're like kinda like, Okay, like speaker-1: I would say yes. Not I wasn't fully accepting it. I I definitely wasn't fully accepting it when I was getting to Atlanta. The arrival into Atlanta was when I was like, okay. I actually the arrival into Atlanta I think is when it finally like started to dawn on me, but I was like, maybe not. Like maybe I'm just I need to change how I'm approaching it. Like something's something's not right because why is this happening? Mm-hmm. But when I kept I knew when I secured a second job in California and it got canceled again. I was like, now's clearly not my time for California. Yeah. What I I don't know why that's not my time. but it's clearly not time for me to be here. Which is why I was like, let's explore other options. then other options were also just not working out for what I needed. And I'm like, now I'm saying no. What's going on? Yeah. So I like, okay, let's stop being picky. Let's just like let's open our minds up. Open our minds, change my perspective. Because I'm very, I'm very a big believer in perspective. A hundred percent. and so I was like, We have to just take it for what it is and go from there. But I don't know what your plan is. Like, you sometimes with God I tell people all the time, God's a comedian. He will tell you no and shake it up a little bit. And you're like, What's going on? Like speaker-0: Hilarious. Wow. I mean it's like if you try to do it your way, like your way is literally tragically failing every time you try to step which every which way. But respiratory has been stuff just started popping off. Like I was so uncomfortable there. Like it was so many like new hires, some people fired, like so much transition and turnover, and like we're short every day. And like I was like, I'm not able to come to work and autopilot anymore. I'm coming to work and I'm like getting. slaughtered and I'm tired. Not only am I exhausted from pouring into my patients and like you cannot mess up. Like as a respiratory therapist, if if you make if I make one wrong turn, I could literally hurt somebody, let alone like unalive them. Yeah. So like I have to always be like on go on point. all the time, like no matter what, tired or whatever. It does not matter. Keep in mind this is two days of the week, two 12 hour shifts. I get Sunday off and then Monday through Thursday I'm going to meetings and presentations and I'm like, hi, I'm Mikel. I'm the founder of her promise circle. Like I'm on the podcast. I'm meeting with people, signing contracts. Like so I am we're showing up weekly like coaching. Like we have our wellness programming for the women. We have our community. So I am constantly pouring. like constantly pouring out to people. And then on those two days, I'm just like, wow, like I don't have anything to give. Like and it's not even like physical exhaustion, that's one thing, but it was like compassion fatigue. And then also like mental and just 'cause I'm the vision. I'm it. Like it's me. Like I'm at the top. Like who's gonna do it if I don't do it? Yeah. Like so I can't stop. Like I'm too far in. And then it's like, but you need to rest and sleep. So I'm like, okay Lord, like I know you called me to this. I've helped so many women in this thing. Like, how do I do both? He's like, like you're not supposed to speaker-1: And that is where you have to start getting uncom uncomfortable again, which I'm sure you've been getting uncomfortable. Because there's no way there's no way to make that transition. speaker-0: for a fact yeah that like literally every day I'm like some at some points of the day I'm like this is such a I'm doing so wow this is great and then I crash out like for like a good 25 minutes and then like I come back and I'm like well I mean if you told me to do this then I know it's gonna work out and everything's gonna be fine then like I crash out again so it's really it's really like an up and down but last year he told me to quit my job and then it was smooth then, but it got progressively worse. And it literally felt like Jonah in the well, where they're like, Throw Jonah throw get Licky out of here or you'll none of you are gonna have peace. Nobody. speaker-1: You know what's so crazy about that? I'm listening. I feel like the same exact thing happened to me with my last job. Seriously. I'm listening. So that's so insane that you say that. Yeah. My last job kinda happened the same way. So I was still staffed when I took my first assignment in California. I was there for like six to eight weeks, kept my staff job, got my shifts covered, but lo and behold, it didn't work out how I thought it was because why would it work out how it ends up? No, seriously. speaker-0: And you can't have your way, so sorry. speaker-1: When I took the when I took the assignment in California, I was only supposed to be there for like a week. I forgot I had a shift to get covered. So I had to call out of that shift. But I'm not a somebody who calls out ever really very avid employee, like always. Yeah. And I can confidently say that if I still had my staff job back at home, I would have stayed because I knew I was gonna have a good income. I was autopiloting. The way that losing slash like putting in my two weeks went was so like blindingly planned but unplanned that it's like it's so insane. But it's the same concept of like, hey, you need to leave your job. Yeah. And like you need to leave now. Like you've got to go. And so the way it worked out, I literally had no choice but to leave my job. But I always think I'm like, had I not done that, I would still be at home right now. Exactly. I would never have pursued my dream and be a troublemur to go anywhere else. I wouldn't have met anybody else. Never. And I wouldn't be challenged like I am today. the But that's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. speaker-0: So the every time we learn something new about each other, he's like, Me too. Me too. I've done this same thing. Like every core memory that I have is like, same. Never this happened. I've been bedside much longer than you. But it's like you get to this place where you're, like you said, efficient autopilot. But I had already been there, obviously, podcasts, HPC. And I think we told Elsa's the one who told you what I do. Yes. Like I think immediately. But Elsa was like, she has a business. And I was like, speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Elsa, please. And she's like, no, tell me about it. So then I was telling you about do you remember this? I do. Okay. I like, so then I was telling you about it. And then from there, like, we just kept talking. But mind you, your plan initially was like, all right, I don't even want to come to Atlanta. I'm really not interested. Like, I'm gonna just go try it. Yeah. And then you're like, everyone's quiet. I don't really want to be here. And then you meet the party. Like, what happened? Cause like you didn't connect to anyone else in that way, as far as I've seen. So speaker-1: And I've never believed that you can't have fun at work, even though it is a professional environment. You can't be miserable while someone's having the worst time of their life. Someone has to be the joy in the situation. Someone I can't tell you how many times me being myself and being just a goofball has like speaker-0: To smile. speaker-1: made a patient feel better and they've expressed that to me. You know, like when you're in a room, when you're dealing with these people who are literally at the worst pivotal points of their life. Yes. And you can't even crack a fun moment in there, like maybe the therapeutic environment that we think is being created is actually not because when you're serious like that all the time, yeah. It translates to your like it does. It it it the room is reading you. speaker-0: It sounds Yeah, doing that. Compound like attitude on top of that. Like, please get out. Like I'm already ill. Like I'm not trying to deal with this. speaker-1: But I'm just baby, I do my job, I do it well, I move on and I have some fun too. We can't all be sad. No. It's that'll never do speaker-0: Too fun. Like I I would literally implode, I think. Like if I had that's why I work nights, which is why I can't understand why you don't love nights. But that's why I work nights, I would have been fired like immediately on day shift. I literally can't help it. I can't do that. speaker-1: It don't even matter. C E L boss man can walk on to like speaker-0: So what was it like meeting a stranger at the assignment you didn't want on the shift you didn't want who confirmed a lot of what you were already thinking? speaker-1: It was the reinforcement that I needed that things are going to be okay. You just needed speaker-0: Was it strange? speaker-1: I don't think it was strange. I didn't. I know that God puts people in your life for different seasons. This is actually like a recurring theme for me because I have I tell people all the time I have several best friends. All of my best friends have come into my life at different pivotal points of my life. And so when I always say like I have a lot of best friends, I do because speaker-0: You didn't feel like it was strange. Those effects. speaker-1: They have all loved me and I've all loved them at different points of my life. They all know a different Lorenzo because I'm still growing. Like that's just how life is. There's so much going on around you. You learn different things. You become a different person, whether people want to accept that or not. Yeah. And so like I just have so many friends that were there at different different points. They serve different purposes. They allow you to be, you know, a different person. In this game that we play called Light. Right. And I think that like when I do run into somebody else, it's always so in my face about how like this person is here for where you're at and they're gonna help you and you're gonna help them level up and take it up a notch because this is what I've written for you and you're gonna make the best of it. speaker-0: So when did you recognize that? Or did you recognize that? speaker-1: I didn't I the first time we met, I didn't recognize it. It was our next not the very next shift, but the shift after that that we worked together and you literally we were sitting down, you literally looked at me and you were like, You're not supposed to be here. And I was just like speaker-0: It was so obvious. What did you say? speaker-1: I literally was just taken away. I'm such a joke. I'm like, well, yeah, thanks. Like, I know you're not supposed to be here. Like, I would love to not be here. But like after the conversation, I'm a reflector and I'm like, how insane. Like she just says that. And I've always struggled with me, like in my purpose of figuring out where I'm supposed to be at. And it was just so crazy that you were You're not supposed to be here. And then like you reinforcing, like, hey, like you have something greater planned. And it's different when you hear it from somebody else and somebody that you just met. Did we just know like your family and stuff tell you that, but like to run into somebody who's like, We just met no, like, hey, like you're not supposed to be here. I'm like it's but like where I'm at in life. Like you have all you're speaker-0: Ma yeah, like you're not supposed to be here. I tell you every single day. speaker-1: Yeah. And it's just it's just crazy. speaker-0: So you didn't notice that in the moment. That's really interesting. I remember at one point you were like, I've never met someone who believes in me so much. Do you remember saying that? speaker-1: I yeah. I think you're just like so it was so unprovoked and so upfront, but I can just tell you were being so genuine about it right off the bat, you know? Mm-hmm. Because people can people can say anything, you know, but there's just so much of a difference when you meet people and they're saying it with intentionality versus saying things for sport. And I think people have a hard time differentiating the two. speaker-0: How do you discern that? speaker-1: I just think that I've been blessed with discernment. And it's just one of those things like you it it's literally if you know, you know. Like I don't know how to how to explain discernment and like understanding when things are divine and they come to you. Like Yes. it's just one of those things. I feel like it's like an epiphany. Like when you hear it and you it attaches to your mind like that, that's almost like a confirmation from God saying, like, hey, I'm not gonna tell you again. Like it's me saying it to you in your face, and it's one of those things you have to learn how to be like, okay, that clearly was like an an intentional. moment that I was put in to understand that the greater good of what's going on around me and that I need to get back to work. Like I need to get back. I need to get my head out the clouds. I need to get back to work. because you know prayer is nothing without action. And so sometimes your call to action is right in your face and you don't even realize it. I'm telling you. So when you said that and then I'm just like wow she's so like genuine and she's very passionate about what she has going on. And I think what it is too is I speaker-0: Faith without works is speaker-1: See how much you love yourself and how much you work on yourself, how much you believe in yourself, how much you have planned for yourself. That is like then you spread that and you like put it on the table for me. It's one of those things where I'm like, well, why would I not, if I see someone who clearly has those aspirations and dreams for herself, tell me, it's sitting here for you too. We need to just get working on it now. No, she literally was like, okay, like we're gonna quit in five weeks, but you're gonna make that again. speaker-0: No, 'cause I was like the It was like as soon as we had those conversations was like, Okay, what are you doing tomorrow? speaker-1: No l and then we're like slept for five minutes and then went to a coffee shop and got to work. Like literally. It's insane. speaker-0: What do we do that day? speaker-1: Planning productivity locked everything in. Yeah. We closed the coffee shop down actually. speaker-0: So what made you go with me? speaker-1: I just felt like it was what I was supposed to do, and I felt like it was just genuine. That's really sweet. Some things you just can't some some stuff I just can't explain. speaker-0: Yeah. No, it's like you know it. Cause it's like people do like just say stuff, but I feel like there is this like it's like people are talking all the time. It's a lot of noise. Yeah. And then something like cuts through and you're like, I r see that. Yes. Like I recognize that. Like what is this? I don't really know, but I trust it and it feels good. Like it feels solid. It feels like speaker-1: Real. But there were so many context closed too. Like you're uncomfortable and you're still like, but I'm gonna do it. And I'm like, you don't find that often like on Front Street. Especially not in strangers. Like you she could have not said anything about that. She could have decided to just withhold what her business was. She could have just not speaker-0: Especially not bedside. Well, Elsa did not let me do that. And that was even the divine b 'cause I do not talk about it. Literally some of the peop like most of them don't even know what I do outside like I'm a respiratory therapist at work. speaker-1: Same. speaker-0: So it's like I'm an RT, like that's what I do. And I probably wouldn't have even like because I didn't know you, I just met you, but I probably wouldn't that wouldn't have opened the floor to that if Elsa didn't say that. Like so much, so much lined up, like even just from you being there and on my shift, because I would never have gone to days. And then Elsa opening the door to that, and then like me being able-I don't know, I like you're really easy to talk to. Like I just speaker-1: Yeah, it's right on top. speaker-0: Remember I told you I literally don't like sit with other people or anything. I don't do that. Like I'm in my corner working on my like I gotta get that escape. I'm in my corner, like if you need me, you call me. Like you need a blank guess, I got you. But like locked. But I don't know, I was like, hmm, like this person's just really One, he needs help because he's spiraling. I like I the mom came out of me and I was like, okay, who's help? Like I literally said, who is helping you? Like, you need help. speaker-1: Y'all sometimes I can literally be like a meteor but like a horizontal one, like I'm not crashing down, I'm like g like blazing through the city. speaker-0: No, he was stressed. Like you were so stressed about finding a place. And I was like, I'm gonna help you. Like is anyone I'm gonna help And then the conversations turned more into like I remember the one day where like how you just said, like we were just sitting there, I was like, Yeah, like what are you doing here? Cause there is times I feel like when you find yourself, like when you truly become like someone who's confident, yes, I still get fear, but I genuinely know who I am. speaker-1: I'm like, it's just me. speaker-0: And I generally know that I'm meant for something bigger. I've felt that way since I was like a kid. And so I feel like when you accept that and own it, you can recognize it really easily. And it's not very often because not every you feel like when you're like a chosen person, when God pulls you out of the bunch, you feel like everyone feels like that. You feel like everyone feels like they're meant for more. Of course everyone feels like they should leave bedside. Of course everyone everyone doesn't feel that way. Yeah. And I think like when you Because I'm so comfortable with it, I've always felt this was like this thing bubbling inside of me always, even though I didn't know what it always was. Like when I see it in other people, I'm like, do you see that? Can you speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: You had somewhat of a knowing. speaker-1: had the good fe I've always had the feeling. Like I've I've always had the feeling speaker-0: That's what got you out of your hometown. Same as me. Yeah. Cause I drove to Atlanta with a lamp, baby, and a blanket. speaker-1: Something's gonna shake eventually. I don't know what it is. I don't know how I'm gonna get there, but like I just don't the life I'm living right now is like it's necessary for where I need to be at. Like this right now is like it's a piece of the puzzle. You can't finish a puzzle if you're missing pieces. speaker-0: Are learning right now? speaker-1: I'm learning a lot. speaker-0: About yourself. speaker-1: Everything. There's so there's there's but I'm like there's literally like it's a plethora of things right now. Like I guess one of the things that I'm learning right now is I always talk about how I think I believe that I'm resilient. This is like I'm I think that I'm not learning that I'm resilient. I think I'm solidifying resilience. speaker-0: Yesterday I was like, do you realize like this is great. Like you're doing so speaker-1: I'm solidifying resilience. So I think that I'm definitely sealing that. And on top of solidifying resilience, I think I'm learning to just give yourself grace, take a deep breath, chart it to the game sometimes. speaker-0: I mean truly, it's like I am a human being, okay? I can do a few things. speaker-1: In Post Perfect, I wouldn't be working where I'm at now. That's a fact. Because I would have gotten the jobs I applied speaker-0: And that's true. And you weren't supposed to be there, so not exactly. speaker-1: Yeah. Bigger plans ahead. speaker-0: But how do you feel now that you're more like, Okay, I'm staying here? Is it providing some sense of stability so that you can plan ahead? Like, do you feel like that's gonna help you? speaker-1: Yes, a hundred percent. I think that it's it's offloading so much that's on my mind already and it's allowing my creativity, my fun, my spark to come back into play. Mm-hmm. because I am one of those people like when it's time to get down to work or I like need to figure something out, all of my fun, all of my brightness, all of my like random activity, like fun, just just my personality goes out the door when it's time to work because it's just like, hey. Get to work, get busy, get it figured out. And that sucks because I know when I'm in that mode. Like nothing is funny. Really getting down to work and like figuring it out. And that just starts to affect all of my relationships, all of my like friendships, all of it, it just affects everything because I'm just like, hey, like this is really cute, but like not right now. Seriously. Because I like it's like a fight or flight, and I fight every time. That's just how I am. Every time we're I'm you're not just gonna run me off of it. I'm gonna make sure we challenge the whole scenario. Clear the air up. speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. speaker-1: I'm gonna bring it back. but I mean that's just what it is. Like I just no, I get it. I didn't have space for anything else. And when I get like that, it irritates me even more because I know how fun I can be. And so yes, signing the six month lease was actually like, my god, I literally both lower lobes of my lungs are working again. Like I can live my life a little bit better now, even though I've only had some like AirPod Maxes. speaker-0: Exactly. It's true. Isn't it for Max? speaker-1: Right. Like speaker-0: But like you're doing it, like you're here. Yeah, I am. speaker-1: It's I'm gr I'm very I'm grateful. Yeah. I'm glad that I signed the six month lease. I would definitely probably be spiraling out right now if I didn't didn't and we're not. speaker-0: You found a place, you're stable, you feel like you have more. So like how do we how are we exploring that? speaker-1: By diving into diving back into my creative process, creating content again. I know that this is a season of transition because my perspectives are starting to change again. And what I'm valuing as a person is is shifting so dramatic. It's just one of those things where like I can I notice when it's happening to me because the same things that I used to appreciate or like maybe find. little bit more like entertainment or just you know just the things that I enjoy yeah are starting to change not that I don't enjoy them anymore but I'm like hey you know what like maybe me doing this or participating in this will not only help me figure something out but maybe it'll help somebody else figure something out. Exactly. Almost like I I mean I'm just like shifting into a different season of my life again but transitions are always challenging because you're still learning about yourself when you're transitioning for whatever it is, but it's just been change. speaker-0: Zack. speaker-1: It's just it literally has just been changed. speaker-0: And God used a stranger to confirm it to you. Yeah. Well, hey. Nice to meet you. I don't have one, but it's really nice to meet you. Honestly, I feel like and you follow that that knowing, that inner knowing, then you're just kind of like going with the flow. Cause everyone's always like, How do you do everything? I'm like, I'm not. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm I'm not. But like I'm going through the motions and it's working because I do trust God and I do trust that even before Him, I knew this kind of stuff, which This is why I think God is real, is because, like, obviously that was in me since the beginning. So even though I didn't recognize it was him putting that in me, it's like I've known it. You guys have in. And then when I recognize it, then it was like, then I'm meeting other people who also recognize it. Like I'm not insane. Like this is what I'm meant for. And it's like, okay, bedside is cool and all. It's taught me all the critical care knowledge I need. It's taught me how the healthcare system works. Okay, the things that I'm over. the things that I can't stand to see and the things I want to change. So that season of my life is closed. I had to collect data. Mm-hmm. So it's not that I'm ungrateful for it, but it's like it's time for me to do more and impact and help people in a different way. speaker-1: And I wanna also like clarify, I love bedside. Right. I love being a nurse. I love it. Like I really do like helping people. Yeah. I love medicine and just the critical thinking behind it. It's just the politics of it. That's what's it's it's literally like ruining bedside is the politics because when you can be a good n there's no better feeling. speaker-0: Actions, the emergencies, I love it. I love it. Exactly. The system. speaker-1: Than being a good nurse. Like when I feel like I can be a really good nurse, like I'm lit, like I'm eating that up. Literally. I love being not for myself, but because I'm like, my gosh, like I did all these things for my patient. Like my patient is doing this. We're making progress. Like, it's so great. But then it's like, whenever you start feeling like a good nurse, there's always an end service of this. Something making your job harder, something making it impossible to be a good healthcare provider. And that is what is taxing for me with Bedside. speaker-0: Which is why I always advocate for bedside people to use their expertise in a bigger way. Always. Like, yes, I love bedside. It taught me everything I know. But like I just feel like a lot of us who are at bedside feel stuck there and we shouldn't, because if you are meant to do more bigger impact, we need people changing the actual system, which makes bedside so exhausting. speaker-1: And there should not be any healthcare providers that don't have a job in anything that you want a job in because the way that we literally live our day-to-day lives figuring things out on the fly is a skill that's bisco unmatched. Like I mean for this. Y'all have to remember like people are actually dying and somebody speaker-0: You guys Literally. speaker-1: And some other department forgot to order like the most important line of simple cat, like the most important thing we need for to save somebody's life. So you are literally sitting there like, Hey, how can I figure something out to supplement this in the next like 30 seconds? Every and this is like my and you might have two of them that has happened at the same time. And you're like, okay, how can I figure this out like right now and like keep it pushing for myself and for the patient? Yeah. and so like that's another thing. If you work in healthcare, there's nothing you can you look there's literally nothing you can do. I told myself every day, like speaker-0: Day. We can literally superhero. This is why I don't like when people sleep on respiratory. I hate it. What y'all gonna do with the vent without us? Like, what was you gonna? You feel me? Like, what was y'all gonna do without us? Like you can't run the vent. Cause that's why I hate when I work with certain nurses. They're just like, Yeah, I just need you to come. Okay, you wanna do it without me? I will back up until everything crashes and burns. speaker-1: I'm front president. Like Correct. speaker-0: But it's nice to be appreciated. That dynamic is what really pushed me into starting my own thing because I was like, I know I'm done for more, but I'm also like a leader. So I'm charged here. I've been charged for a couple of years. Okay, it's great. I just felt like I was running out of places to go. But what would you like to leave the people? As far as plot twists and God's plan and his timing, and strangers who just happen to connect with you randomly. speaker-1: I guess if I had to leave people with anything, it would be just sometimes you need to just like trust the process. Because I could have given up a long time ago. Yeah. Like I could have quit my contract and went right back to where I came from and I would be back at another staff job in the same city. Like I could've given up and I think giving up is literally the easiest thing to do, but it is the worst thing that you can do for yourself. and also remember too, I know a lot of people are like, I'm an introvert, I don't like to talk, and that's fine, but at the end of the day, like human connection doesn't need to be your bet you don't need to make your best friend, you don't need to make your husband, your wife. You need a human connection because those connections you would be so astounded at who you will meet and who they know. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: Guide you for what you need. Like a lot of times the people that I know that have made it somewhere or are doing what they want to do is through connections because you build relationships and that's your portal. That is your portal. Other than believing in yourself, trusting the process like speaker-0: Exactly. The biggest confirmations in my life have come from some speaker-1: Just like yeah, sometimes like when someone says hey genuinely a smile, you never know where the smile and I think that goes for a lot of aspects of your life. Like a smile will really get you a long way. I've been somewhere and they're like, I remember you from so-and-so. You said something and I and now it's like hey, if you ever need something, let me know. Which it's not that I'm like messaging like hey, I need something. No, I get But it's there for you to be. speaker-0: You really don't. Like at all. It's like a nurturing of relationships. It does. Well I've enjoyed this. Have you? I just cannot what the actually speaker-1: Yeah, this has been fun actually. I was in LA guys, I'm sorry. speaker-0: Okay, say it again. No say it. Yes. Had to have you on. Literally my favorite person ever. I'm obsessed with you. I don't know if that's obvious. Don't lie to me. No, I know. Not me. I'm very grateful we had this conversation. I think it's gonna help a lot of people. I'm grateful that people are gonna be able to see you in a different light as well, because you have so much more to you than just, you know I'm working on that. A pretty face and scrubs. Like there's way more things to you. Amazing. he is. He's and he's deep. He's deep when he allows himself to go there. So thanks for coming on. Thanks for having me. This is of course. Tell the people how to follow you. speaker-1: Thank you. so you're gonna open up Instagram. You're gonna type in Renz dot OTRNZ period. Not the little dot thing. O T E R O. I'll little profile pick up, just tap on that and then there's like a blue follow button. You just speaker-0: Already Mikhail.rene and her promise circle on everything. And we'll see you in the next episode.