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Red Lipstick On: Joan Burge (Office Dynamics) on Courage & Living Fully at Any Age · The Arise with Anita Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Rides of the Media Podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: The space where soulmate strategy and dreams are no longer optional.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your house with the line of my house.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: We embody it.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: We activate four by a few.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Each conversation is a callus for your next breakthrough.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're not broken, you're breaking through.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go ahead and rise together.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: So today on the Rise with Anita podcast, we enter a conversation with a woman who understands that leadership is not just a role, it's a frequency.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Joan Berg is the founder of Office Dynamics International and the author of the iconic book, Red Lipstick On, a declaration for women who know that power does not require permission and presence is a spiritual practice.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: For decades, Joan has stood as a quiet disruptor and a fierce guide, reminding women, especially those who've been taught to stay behind the scenes, that influence is not about volume, it's about embodiment.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Red Lipstick On is more than a title, it's a ritual.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's armor, it's an initiation into owning your brilliance, your voice, and your authority without sacrificing elegance, intuition, or soul.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: In this conversation, we're going to explore the unseen layers of leadership, the energy you bring into the room before you even speak, the power of self-trust, and the reclamation of feminine confidence in spaces that once demanded conformity.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: This episode is for the woman who feels that the rise call to rise, not louder but deeper, to lead from her center, to claim her seat without an apology, to remember that polish and power are not opposites.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: They are allies.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: So take a breath, feel into your body, and if you're listening to this, know that your presence matters.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: So welcome to the show.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm super excited to have you here.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Too.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_04: Look at it.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_04: I'm excited to be here.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_04: What a great way to start this year.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's funny because I actually won your book.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I hadn't even known who you were.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: But we were at this women's luncheon and I won your book, and I was just like, I don't know who this is, but the title is intriguing.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: If not for the color.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: So before we dive into that, I want to go ahead.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: I usually start off with what is bringing you joy in this current season.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my goodness.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_04: What a question.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_04: What is bringing me joy?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_04: Because uh, well, one of the main things is just getting up and being able to do work I love every day.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_04: You know, that just brings me joy when I think about, you know, a lot of people dread going to work or, you know, they're and they're working for someone else, maybe not doing work that they actually love.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_04: So I think it's just joyful for me to be able to do the work I love and to help others is really the key piece, not even the work.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_04: The work is wonderful, of course, creating and developing and writing and all of that, but it ultimately leads to helping others, and that's what gives me joy.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: So you're living a life in alignment.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_04: And it's that alignment that there are some days that are a little rough and I run a business, so it happens.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_04: But yes, mostly aligned.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Mostly aligned.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's part of life though, right?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's where your phrase actually kind of came through.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: You were in the middle of a chaotic season and you got that text message.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: So for the people who haven't read the book, can you go into what that season was looking like for you and just what that sentence ended up ultimately meaning for you?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_04: So the red lipstick on and the writing of the book, like what season I was in with the writing of the book.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Not the writing.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: Or when the red lipstick on occurred.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: When the red lipstick on occurred.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_04: That is in a really bad season.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_04: It was a really horrific time, actually.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_04: And it it's a little ironic that we're doing this recording early in the year, when is it January 6th day?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_04: Because what was happening, it was around this time my husband passed away January 3rd.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_04: And so the red lipstick is tied to that whole story, which I'll tell you in a minute.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: So I just feel it's like, wow, these are kind of uh ironic that we're talking about this at the moment.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_04: But at the time my husband was 50, that was 15 years ago that my husband passed away.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_04: But three years prior to that, in 2008, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and he was only 57.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_04: And so that was just devastating, you know, to hear that news because it's not curable.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_04: It is not a curable cancer.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_04: You know it's a death sentence, and all you try to do is extend it and make it the best you know that you can.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_04: But we were fighting, you know, we were fighting for his life.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_04: And so we were, we lived in Las Vegas.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_04: I'm still in Las Vegas, but his surgeons and all the doctors were in California.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_04: So when we started the journey, we were having to go to California, you know, every other week and driving over there.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_04: And this was like a whole new world to me.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_04: I had no idea what it was like.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_04: It was just, it felt like a black hole.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_04: Like I knew people who had cancer, but I never had to actually live with someone who's doing it and the battle.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_04: And so we'd go back and forth, and he'd have these major surgeries, and I was running my business.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_04: I was taking care of Dave.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_04: I was taking care of the house.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_04: We had dogs, I was running the errands, doing the cooking.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I was doing everything because he couldn't do that.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_04: And so at first I was just like, all right, I'm gonna do this, you know, just forge forward because you just do what you have to do.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_04: But after a few, after a few months, I was just like, oh my God, like I this is just overwhelming.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, overwhelming, yes, to be the caregiver and everything else, plus running my business.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_04: And so there was a lady, Nancy Frases, her name.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_04: And I had known Nancy for a while.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_04: She had known me for a while, and she lived out of state, but we knew each other and we communicated off and she knew all about my red lipstick.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_04: And I loved to wear a red lipstick because I always wore my red lipstick.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_04: And so one night, I'll never forget this, it was about 10 o'clock, and I came out of the bedroom after helping my husband with something, and I just thought, I want to run away.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_04: I just want to run away to an island and I want to escape all of this.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_04: It's like a bad dream.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I just that was my thought.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_04: And so I I don't know if I emailed Nancy, probably then I don't know if text was as popular.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_04: And she wrote back red lipstick on, and the on was in big letters.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_04: And I saw that and I was like, that's all I needed to see.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, on your red lipstick and just do this, just do it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_04: Power through power through it.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_04: So that's how it started.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_04: And then that just started to become a mantra for me that, you know, whatever I was doing or having to face, you know, I'd say red lipstick on, red lipstick on.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_04: And it got to where it even carried through in my work life.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_04: So it didn't always have to be a negative, horrible event or crises.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_04: It could be, oh, that overwhelming project, you know, that I'm doing, or even last year, writing the book and coming out with all the products and everything for red lipstick.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_04: It was like, okay, red lipstick on, go for it.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_04: Or maybe it represents leaning into a difficult conversation or showing up with courage.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_04: So it just became a mantra that I would say, you know, and I know what it means, you know, it's okay, take ownership, lead, do it, lean in, just go through it.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Firstly, I want to just say when I won your book, I was at this event and I almost didn't show up to that event that day because ironically, or I guess synchronistically, I will put it that my grandpa has been also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: So we are currently in the battles of that.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember just feeling that it's what you were saying, that chaotic energy.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: I was very much at the time still in that energy of like, I'm in survival mode.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I was thinking about like, do I show up for this event?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: I usually go to these ladies' events just to try to connect and meet the women in the group because I've only been living here for four years now.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it's kind of hard to build a network in Vegas.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, you know what?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think this would be a good break.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I read when I started to look into your book and I had discussions with Jennifer about bringing you onto the podcast, I was like, the universe is doing something here.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: The universe is doing something here because as I'm in the season, it felt very chaotic.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember I was going to my kind of what I call my support system.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, I feel so out of control because there's nothing you can do about the diagnosis.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: All you can do is show up and love them and nurture them the way you can, but ultimately you, like you said, you don't know exactly what you can do.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was just like, okay, so this is the season of surrender.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: And red lipstick, as I kind of was hinting at earlier before we even started recording, has always been my gravitational pull.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, God is doing a sign right now about just like be bolder and just trek through.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be a ending sentence, I guess you could say.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, obviously there will be parts of that, but it's like you can have the ability to still be present, still be in that like moment and be confident and still give that.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: But one thing I wanted to bring you back to as I was sitting here and thinking about it, you were going through this chaotic situation and trying to do everything yourself, is that when you also started to flip into, okay, I need support because I cannot do this all alone.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, it was wonderful because I had an awakening one I because all my life, I mean, since I graduated from high school, I went into the workforce, I was a working mom all my life, managed everything.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_04: I was a superwoman.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_04: I was involved in committees and volunteer work and I ran Girl Scouts and I did everything, you know.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_04: And you're proud.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_04: I was very proud.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_04: Like, look at me.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_04: I can, I am a career, you know, mom.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_04: And so, you know, that was my life.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_04: And so, and even beyond that, you know, as the kids grew up, you know, you just I was just used to juggling everything in the world and errands and taking care of stuff.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_04: And, you know, women do that, right?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_04: We do that.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_04: But it it was wonderful when the revelation came to me.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_04: Also, one night after, you know, I I got on my red lipstick and then we plowed into everything.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_04: But I remember one night again, I don't know why these revelations come as I'm walking out of my stiffy right by the door getting ready to open it.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm thinking about all these tasks, the laundry and the dry cleaning, and you gotta go to the grocery store and you gotta cook dinner and blah, blah, blah.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_04: And I just said to myself, Superwoman is missing in action, and that's okay.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_04: I don't need to be a superwoman.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_04: And it was at that moment that I let go and I started telling my neighbors, yes, you could help me, because they would ask and I'd say, no, no, no.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I got so good.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_04: I was delegating to everybody, could you go to the market?
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_04: Could you go pick up my cleanies?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_04: I gave a really a delegator through our church.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_04: They would cook, uh, they had a thing that they'd cook warm meals and bring them to the house.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_04: So that was just that was a huge moment to realize that.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_04: And I still talk about that.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, the year after my husband died, I also wrote a book for women called Give Yourself Permission to Live a Big Life.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_04: And so in that book, I have a chapter on Superwoman is missing in action.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_04: And I that to me is just really important for us to be able to say as women, because I've I've been around women, well, yeah, all my life, right?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_04: But the last 35 years with my my training company office dynamics, I specialize in training assistants.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_04: Well, 97% are female.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_04: So I've been around a lot of women for 35 years all the time.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_04: And women just, you know, they knock it out of the park.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_04: They try to do everything in their working jobs, and maybe they're going through their own cancer treatments and they're taking care of aging parents and they're taking care of their kids and they're some managing a second job.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, like I am amazed when I've seen so many women and how they, you know, they do this.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_04: And, you know, we need to get to a point where we can say, I don't have to do it all.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_04: I really don't and don't feel guilty.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_04: I think that's the big thing.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_04: That because when we take care of ourselves, you know, I've learned I'm better equipped to take care of the people I love.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_04: And so to me, it's not a selfish act, it's an act of love when we can do that.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's so many points I could hit just off of that monologue essentially.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: But for me, I think the biggest thing has been like learning to ask for support.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: And whether that looks like someone just having a conversation like we've met to you about this for a moment because it does feel overwhelming or whatnot, but also getting to the point where you're like, okay, I only have so many hours in a day, and I need to start delegating or seeing how I can make some things a little easier on myself as I'm in this journey.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I think one thing that I really loved is that you started to delegate and you started to feel comfortable.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sure in you even because you are a business owner.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: So it's probably also kind of like that switch, probably also carried into business where it's like, no, I don't have to do every little task I can help.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: And ask for help, and there's nothing wrong with that.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the people's support is just so valuable.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_04: And and in red lipstick, I have a whole thing on sisterhood, you know, because I've learned it's just so important, well, for women to support women, you know, and be there and and don't be catty and don't be jealous.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_04: Like we need each other.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_04: And I have so many really wonderful girlfriends, you know, that we're always there for each other.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_04: And so, but the support of of other people, like we can't, I say like I don't want to do life alone.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_04: I really don't.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, it's tough.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: So absolutely.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it almost became also a permission slip for you, right?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Once you heard that well, friend it became a permission slip to just allow people to show up.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I don't know what you believe spiritually, but for me, every time that I found that I'm trying to do it all alone, it's it reminds me of like the parable where they basically God is has a person like stranded on an island and the person's looking for like help.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it at first it's like he sends a truck going by like to s rescue them.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: And the person completely ignores the truck, doesn't ask for help.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Then he sends an airplane, doesn't ask for help, and then finally he sends a boat, but still doesn't ask for help, and then file this person ends up passing, and they're like, once they get up to heaven, they go, Why on earth didn't you send me help?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like, I sent you the boat, I sent you the track, I sent you didn't get into it.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so it reminds me that we need to ask for help, and that is how God shows up for us in those moments.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yes, well, spiritually, yes, definitely.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_04: And in red lipstick, um, we might talk about it the five pillars, but spiritual is one of the five pillars, right?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_04: And so I definitely give attribution, you know, to the Lord and to God, because I went through my own terrifying surgery with my brain tumor in 2014, which was just terrifying to be the patient and the one dealing with all of that.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_04: And for some reason, God wasn't done with me yet, you know.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's just yeah, that that shouldn't have.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, yes, that was definitely a very close.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_04: And it was, I just always say, Well, God must not be done with me yet.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_04: He's got more work for me.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, because I was listening to a great podcast with Mary Mersetti, and she always talks about how you have your birth date, and obviously you have your death date, and we're in control of managing whatever's in between, but you never really know what's that death date.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like you have to make most of that moment as you're going through and just trying to show up and being like, God, what are you using me for?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: What is possible?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: What am I here to impact?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: How am I supposed to add value to this planet?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have been constantly thinking about that, especially as we're in this like New Year's season of like, well, it's easy task for us as like New Year's goals to be like, oh, I want to check this box.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: But I think when you give it to a higher power and ask for that guidance, it's like you're no longer checking boxes, you're checking for fulfillment.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, for sure.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_04: And that's kind of too what red lipstick's about, you know, the breadth and depth and the big life too.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_04: I write a lot about it.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_04: Isn't how many years you live, it's the breadth and depth of what you're doing, and that's what matters, you know.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_04: And so making the most of all of that.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: So one thing I love about your message is that bold, full living isn't reserved for any one chapter of life.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: You speak so beautifully about fully living at any age, dancing, moving, expressing joy.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, guys.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: Where did that belief come from, and how do you manage that in your day to day now?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, because yeah, I love that.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm 73.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_04: You look fantastic for 73.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_04: I I have the mind of a probably 35 40-year-old in my head.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm still that, you know, young person, mentally energetic wise, all of it.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_04: And so that just gosh, where does it come from?
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_04: I it's so much me, you know, while I'm chronologically aging, I still have that young spirit, that young energy.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_04: I I love to music and dance, and I love, you know, I this is kind of funny because over the holiday on Spotify, I play, I use Spotify a lot, right?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_04: All year.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_04: And I listen to Flo Rida and all these people, and I love Bruno and Hipcon.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_04: I don't listen to Frank Sinatra and Matt and stuff, and I love to dance and get on the dance floor and get crazy.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_04: And it said, so there was there's a little thing you could do, it's called raptor, whatever, and you go through your year like when you're a top artist.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_04: And it said, I have the listening age of a 21-year-old.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Honestly, like I don't know that I actually listened to all the one.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, a little bit of Florida and what I love that your spirit is so young, and I think that's what keeps your energy in point.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it does.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: And my dad always had a young spirit, so I don't know if some of that's from him because he lived till 93, and you know, he was still in his late 80s going out with his friends, and he was nightlife.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_04: And but yeah, I think just a young, young mind, young attitude definitely helps, and to want to keep learning and growing.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_04: And I I like to be around people who are younger than me.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I have my friends who are my age, but some of my best girlfriends are 10 years younger than me, 15 years younger.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_04: And my grandkids, I relate well to them.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_04: They're in college, early college years, and I love hanging out.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_04: And they make sure I stay up to date on the terminology and what everybody's talking about.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_04: And they say, Well, grandma, that's not how we say it anymore.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_04: This is a term you use today.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm also biased.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: I actually know the whole six-seven thing.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_04: Uh yeah, I wanna I wanna be able to stay up on on current times, and yeah, it's just important to me.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_04: And I what I want to like show or demonstrate, and again, I do talk about it as you know in the book.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_04: I call them the these are the encore years for me.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, I have the big main show, you know, and not that I'm over, I'm not done, but that was beginning, actually.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_04: So my thing, you know, my work was those years, and now it's like, okay, now like the encore.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_04: There's still more I want to do.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_04: There's still I'm not done.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_04: And the year word retirement's not my vocabulary, never was in my husband's either.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_04: We just feel like as long as I am doing what I love, why would I stop?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_04: So I don't know if that kind of answered your question.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_04: What do I do daily?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_04: I I think it's just the listening to the music, learning.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_04: Always I want to learn every single day, you know, that keeps us fresh, what's going on in the world.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so I I also consciously want to make sure I stay on top of things, you know.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_04: Want to age gracefully.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you definitely are.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, when I read your book and you mentioned your 70th birthday, I was like, 70?
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: I've looked her up.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: She does not look 70.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_04: You know, that was three years ago already.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I had a big party for my 70th.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_04: Ozzy, shut up.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_04: But I love to celebrate.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_04: I have these little post-its that I will put on my mirror in my bathroom.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm a big believer in affirmations.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_04: Huge, right?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_04: And saying the using the I statement, I am this, I am whatever, right?
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_04: And so there, I'll go through periods, like, well, of course, when I was really sick, I had them all over the house, you know.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_04: I need even in the refrigerator, I had them because I didn't want to eat.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_04: So I'd have stuff in there, but even in the good times.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_04: So when I was putting doing red lipstick and putting things together, I came up with my affirmations and I had like nine of them up.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_04: And so one of them is I create my own party.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_04: I love that.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_04: I was actually just about to ask you, what's your favorite affirmation?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_04: That's one of my favorite.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's I create my own party because I learned over the years I love, love, love being with people.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_04: But everybody doesn't always stay in your life and things happen.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_04: And or they're not always there, they're busy with their life.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_04: And so when I think about I like to party, it makes me happy.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_04: I love to have parties, all of it.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_04: And so just over the years, I've learned I need to know how to create my own party within myself.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_04: Because I also learned, of course, through my experiences losing my husband and then my own brain surgery.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_04: And then I had open heart surgery a year later.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_04: I had learned to, I learned to rely on myself.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't know if you saw that chapter in the book.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_04: There's a little piece about it.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_04: While that might sound sad to people, like self-reliant, you could only rely on you.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_04: But the good news is I can do it.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_04: That gives me the confidence when I have to make major decisions.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_04: You know, when Dave died, I had to make a lot of decisions, legal decisions, and so forth.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_04: And bottom line, I was the one who was going to take the hit.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, that pushed that I had to learn to do that.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know how to do all of that.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I made decisions in business, but these were personal that would personally impact me in my life.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_04: So, over since that period, you know, that self-reliance has grown and grown.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_04: So it's right the balance between bottom line, I have to rely on myself.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_04: I have decisions to make.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_04: But I certainly love, like I said, doing life with people and want people around.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_04: And, you know, I really care about others.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think that the self-reliance thing is very interesting because I've been in the season of learning how to rely on others.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of times women, we sway either hyper-independent or a little more codependent.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: So it's interesting trying to find that balance.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: So, what would you say at this point is a way you're navigating that?
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because as you just said, you are very self-reliant, but you also like to live life and have people support you where they can.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, where where's the golden thread for you?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I live live it thankfully at work all the time, right?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_04: Because I go to my office and I am my team and just through my work relationships, you know, and having that.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_04: So that's where I really get the people uh fix fed.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_04: And then, and then as a speaker and the work I do too and my virtual classes I hold, I get nourishment from that.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_04: So that that to me is like that weekly, you know, routine that where I get that.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_04: And then at night, you know, I I do have friends that I check in regularly.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_04: And so I do have a little bit of a rhythm, I would call it.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_04: One night a week, I make sure I get out with a girlfriend or do something with a girlfriend.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_04: But then, you know, I have my own accountability of going to the gym X amount of days.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_04: When it comes down to decision making, I will process and bounce ideas off of others, you know, whether talking to my kids or a good friend, because sometimes, like you said, too, sometimes you just have to talk it out, right?
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_04: You don't, they don't always have answers, but sometimes they do have an objective perspective.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_04: And so leaning into that when I when I feel I need to, and then just knowing in my own, kind of within my own source or self.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_04: Sometimes my gut's just saying, I've got to go with this, even though everybody's against me.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_04: Like that last in 2025, I was, you know, fighting with this red lipstick thing.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_04: I wanted these, and my my team or my son, especially, because he works in my business for 13 years now.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_04: And we were gonna we were gonna we have an annual conference every year, and I wanted these huge red lipstick tubes made.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_04: They were humongous.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_04: And this came from my entertainment director who said, Oh, we could put these on a stage and they're gonna be gorgeous.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_04: And he sent me the picture.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, I want these tubes.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_04: Well, they that was not an easy feat, and it was an expensive project.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_04: And my my son kept saying, and again, he works in the business of me, you know, you don't need those tubes.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_04: You know how much, and what are you gonna do with them after?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_04: And where are we gonna store them?
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_04: Because he's the practice, he's my practical business partner.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_04: I'm the anything possible.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_04: I want it, I don't care.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'll manifest it.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_04: And I want it.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_04: He was just, I said, I don't care.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_04: I want those no matter what.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_04: And that, you know, at some point, yeah, I say, I don't care.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_04: I want this, this is what I want to do, and it's I gotta do this.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_04: I have to just play the play this out and see where it goes, you know.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_04: So there's also that I am a very strong person in in terms of being strong-willed.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_04: And I do like to be in control, but I do collaborative efforts.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_04: Obviously, I've got to collaborate with a lot of people on my projects and what I'm doing, but I also know like when my mind's set, because I've also learned over the years, I in my early days, I would just set out.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_04: I I pioneered a whole industry that nobody had fathomed the training of administrative professionals.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_04: And so I just would go out there and put this stuff out there.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I learned over the years that kind of, yeah, get it in your head and you work toward that to make it work.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_04: And a lot of times it did work to my benefit, even though I didn't have all the answers or all the pieces at first.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like there's a lot of synchronicity because I have the habit when I'm about to make a big decision or just something that can change your life.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: For example, minor semi-minor, semi-not, when I was deciding to get my tattoos, I have two of them.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_01: I had gone to my mom and like my grandparents, and because it was gonna be a cultural shock as well.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was like, I'm getting a tattoo.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: And they were like, and I had already done the research, I knew what the risks were, I knew the pros, the cons, but I was still set on my decision, and I was just like, just a heads up, I'm getting a tattoo.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I would hear their feedback, and the funny part of it was the day I was getting my tattoo, my mom goes, She came with me.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: Firstly, let's let's get that cleared out of the way.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_01: She came with me.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: But on the drive there, she was like, I will put a down payment on your car, and I will trade you to the dealer right now if you don't come.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because it was just so outspoken and well, sure, yeah, different, right?
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: Different totally.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're mean and a lot of the women are a little more clean cut, is the way I'll put it.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: Nicely put.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Are you sure you want to do it?
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I've already had it set.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I go, and she goes, I can't literally we can drive to the dealer right now.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember looking at her and I go, but here's the thing, I feel like that would be inauthentic, because in a few months, I'm gonna go get the tattoo anyways.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm gonna be with the car.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: So then you don't have an easy trade-off.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, right.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so when I was making that decision, I was hearing the feedback, and then the funniest thing was I had a conversation with my father, and he was like, This doesn't seem like something you would do.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: I guess you don't know me that because I'm very intrigued, I've always loved the look of them, and I didn't get anything massive.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: I have two that are pretty tiny and very discreet.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, Well, what about the job impacts?
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember just going, any job that re really has it thing against tattoos is probably not gonna be for me as long as all over your body or whatnot.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's a personal decision.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: But it made me realize how often we look for permission and maybe even validation of ideas.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like, I like to have that piggyback.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I also have someone who he's part mentor, part friend, is the way I'll put it.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: They all kind of are, right?
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I have like new ideas coming or new flowing flows, I'll text him and be like, what do you think of this?
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_01: And he'll give me his feedback, and then I'll sometimes go, Okay, thanks, but I'm still gonna do it anyways.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: But because I think it's back to going to what you were saying, going with your intuition, what's right for you.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I wasn't gonna head into this, but what role does intuition play for you in your everyday business?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: Not only business, but like just your life, because as you were saying, you've been through quite a bit of like these life-altering dances, for lack of a better word, that could be easily like swayed if you make the wrong decision.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to call it the wrong, but obviously there was points where had you made a different decision, a different outcome would come up.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, what role does your gut feeling and your intuition play in that?
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_04: It's like a smaller percentage for me because I'm actually a very logic-oriented person, very left brain.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_04: And I know that because I teach some of this stuff.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_04: And so, you know, I I logically tend to think through a lot of things and the impact and ramifications.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_04: I've learned to trust my gut a little bit more, but I think I'm logically processing it, and then it says, yes, go, because this makes sense.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_04: But the I would say what percentage it plays a smaller percentage for me, where sometimes some people are very gut-filled decision makers.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_04: Just their gut tells them there's no logical explanation and they go.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, what are you thinking about?
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_04: But anyway.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_04: So the intuition, though I have learned to trust it a little more because there were some times, some of them were business, that my logic was so strong, it oh, I overrode my gut.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I was hiring a new this employee, and my gut kept telling me it wasn't right, but I was desperate to have an assistant in my my one-person office at that time.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_04: And I just knew it, but logically she computed out.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_04: And I, but I hired her three months later, I let her go.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_04: It was like that was a situation where just something obviously wasn't right or aligned.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_04: Something I couldn't put a hand on it, my handle on it.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_04: So I will say I do give more thought to that.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_04: Even just a few, like a few weeks ago at the holiday, I was supposed to go visit my sister.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_04: I was all set up to fly out Christmas Day.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, this is the weirdest thing for me to do this, but I was gonna fly out, see her in California.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_04: And I thought that would be a great way to pass those four, the some of that time, because that's when my husband was dying.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_04: And I just, it's a hard time for me and made sense logically.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna go fly to California on Christmas night.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_04: I'll spend four or five days.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_04: Logically, this all computed before the holiday.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_04: And I like, I got the answer, right?
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_04: I I know I got this figured out.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_04: And so, but then Christmas Eve came and the rain and the bad weather and all of that.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_04: And Christmas, I just started getting really anxious.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_04: Like in my head, it's like, I don't, for some reason, I don't want to travel tomorrow.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want to travel, I don't want to get stuck at the airport, I don't want to deal with the rain.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_04: I don't need any extra stress right now in my life.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's I was have to work through Christmas as it is, you know?
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_04: And so the morning, yeah, that morning of I was there was this battle of go see your sister, don't disappoint her.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_04: She's always been there to help me.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_04: I think when it was women we maybe go through a lot of these battles, right?
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_04: And not wanting to disappoint.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_04: But then my gut, for some reason, my stomach kept telling me, like my actual stomach was like and I it kept saying, Don't go, don't go.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want to go to the airport, I don't want to deal with this.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I finally had to make the call, you know, that morning, you know, and and just say, I'm not coming.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_04: And it was really hard because I, like I said, I feel bad.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_04: I don't like, you know, I didn't want to hurt her.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_04: But I've also learned over the years, I have to take care of me.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_04: I just have to listen to that when it comes to my well-being, because it's like number one to me.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_04: And if if that's something's gonna stress me or that, I just know, like I said, well enough now after all these years, that number one is if this doesn't feel right too from that well-being perspective, why am I putting that on myself?
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_04: And so I think women, I know women a lot, you know, we struggle with these thoughts that go through our heads all the time.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_04: You know, do I need to be there for my parents?
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_04: But I need some alone time, or I feel guilty.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want to take time off because my kids need me.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm always like, but you need to go.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_04: If you need to go take two hours and treat yourself to a spa, do it.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_04: Like you deserve it.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_04: Just women struggle with this so much.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me about it.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_04: And it's really always being there for everybody, but then what about me?
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: Literally, I've actually seen this play out with my mom.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_01: Her situation was a little intricate because she also raised me as a single mom, but at the same time, she was a single mom who was already taking care of a child and herself.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: And she was also simultaneously running around helping my grandparents, and then she would help her brother with his kids, and then she would help her aunt with and then like when we had my great grandmother live, we would go clean her house and like make sure she was taken care of.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I used to watch her and be like, How are you doing this all?
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_01: And at some points I would be like, Don't you ever just feel like telling them, like, you know, I'm a single mom and I already got all I go.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_01: Going on as it is.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if it was because I was just watching it and a part of me kind of was like, this is a little too much.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, right.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_01: Or if it was just seeing how at the end of the day she would be exhausted and then seeing over time how her body has started to react from that exhaustion.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so every now and then she'll have these flare-ups of different health issues.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll be like, don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then she'll be like, I don't know what caused it.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I go, years of putting everyone else first.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_01: Years of putting everyone else first.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't take care of you, you start to eventually pour from an empty cup.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_01: And as women, I think for some reason we have this ability to go past our tank of being empty.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's a little too late.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm trying to find a little bit of a balance in myself as I'm navigating it.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm still single, still only child-driven.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like I'm still learning about how do I not get into that mode of like, let me just take care of everyone and everything around me.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's been an interesting little mix for me.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_04: I think it's just it takes time because you're not used to that.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_04: We're just not used to those behaviors.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_04: So, like with any new behavior, it just takes tag us over and over and over and till it just think about anything new we learn.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_04: Riding a bike, driving a car.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_04: At first, it's just we don't know what's going on, what we're doing, and it feels weird.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_04: And you gotta be, you have to be very conscientious of every step, right?
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_04: And then one day you're like, you're not even thinking twice.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you know you drove home, but you're like, how did I get her?
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_04: I wasn't even paying.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_04: I was on autopilot while I was driving, listening to the but I do believe in the beginning it is, it is that conscious effort.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't I don't have it down pat.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, there are at times, like I told you, I still struggle around that holiday, you know, and I the last two years, I don't know why it's hit me harder.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_04: And so I have to do my own self-talk, like and sit with that emotion and like, okay, but I do I a better part or what helps to me is because of past experiences.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_04: I learned some tools, like with my brain surgery.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_04: I have so much post-traumatic stress.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_04: That was the most traumatic experience ever, but it wasn't even that.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_04: I had intensive care psychosis, where I thought I was dying in the basement of the hospital.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_04: I thought I went blind.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_04: That was when I think about it, it's just horrific.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_04: And so, like over the years, fortunately, again, through other people too, I mean, I also have to learn the tools.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_04: And I I'm at a point now where I probably just know more of what tool to grab, you know, pull this tool out of the box.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_04: I have to pull this tool out.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_04: I have to get my support people on with me.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_04: I have to sit and journal.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_04: I journal a lot.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_04: I've been doing that since my husband was diagnosed with cancer.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_01: I love that you included your journal, not prompts, but like pages.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, on the back of the book.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, the actual journaling.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_04: So I started that right away when he was diagnosed with cancer.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_04: You know, my sister likes to bring me this journal and she says, Here's your gratitude journal.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, we were just starting this road, and I thought, what do I have to be grateful for?
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna lose my husband.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_04: What is there?
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_04: And I just forced myself to sit and I was started to think about I'm glad I have health insurance.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_04: I have the money to go have a nice dinner, you know.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_04: So I've done that through the years.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_04: I think some of my journals too now they're like a diary.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_04: But I always have done gratitude.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_04: I love I've moaned in my journal like the day.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_04: I always say you I have to have one statement of gratitude before I close this journal.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I wouldn't call it a diary.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_01: The way I kind of my perspective is usually sometimes because I know, especially with like the manifestation space, a lot of people will be like, do not speak out or write out the thoughts that are to be considered bad.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I am very much writing has always been an outlet for me.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so even before I could really communicate vocally, it was I put into words in a note.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so if I had something that would bother me, I'd write out like a little letter and then it would slip it under the door and be like, Here, mom, this is how I'm feeling.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to talk about it?
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_01: But here, and so sometimes I have these moments where I will call it brain dump, and it can be very call it dark.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_01: And like the things I as especially because I am a coach, you would have people looking at you going, You have those thoughts?
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, I have those thoughts.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_01: And what I do is either I will brain dump, and we just like had like a full moon, and what I was telling someone was like, sometimes I will write the darkest whatever I need to release and get off of my chest.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_01: And then I will go ahead and like rip it up, or like just burn it.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_01: Just so that I can have that extra sense of release from it.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_01: But I think what I loved about when I was reading your book was the fact that you actually mentioned, like, yeah, there are days that I couldn't find a thing to be grateful for.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so it just literally looked at as simple as like, I am so grateful for a toothbrush.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think that was an actual example, but no, but if then we get down to that suddenly, just be able to have teeth to toothbrite.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: Cause I was like, I love that she is speaking on this because a lot of times I feel like it's almost shameed on.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, no, we all have these moments and we have to accept that that's part of the journey and part of our human experience.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just wanted to.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, being authentic is so important.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_04: With Red Lipstick On, I came out up with a list of core values and authenticity is one of them.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_04: You know, being our authentic self.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_04: And growing up, my mom was a very oh intuitive, feely, oh, so in tune to things.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_04: She was way ahead of her time.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that explains why you leaned more logical, no?
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_04: She just was so she would say to me, like when I was younger, and I don't know if this was good or bad, but she would say, you know, when you feel joy and you want to express it and be happy, be over the moon happy.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_04: And when you're sad, just be really sad if you want to.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_04: And nobody ever says that.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_04: People say, stop being so sad.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_04: But, you know, and a lot of people, it was really interesting because I did go to a concert in 2018.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_04: I lost my dad and another man who took care of my household and dogs for 18 years.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_04: And then I met this man for the first time seven years after Dave died, but that wasn't working out.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_04: It's like in five weeks, I lost these three men and I was beside myself.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_04: So I went to this concert.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_04: We were just talking about these things, but I thought you said something interesting about, and she had known me a little bit, and she said, you know, your vibrational energy.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_04: She says, You're up here.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_04: Like when I'm excited, my team laughs because I'll get excited about this cute little thing that shows up in the office, and I'll be those are so cute.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_04: Those nutpants, I'm so like, you get excited over everything.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_04: She was saying, when you're when you're ex when you're happy, she says, You like you operate up here all the time, a lot.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_04: And the average number of people are here.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_04: You know, they don't get way up here.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_04: So she said, Yeah, so when you fall, you're falling a lot farther.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_04: And that's why it hurts so much sometimes.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_04: And I just I thought, like, I think that nailed it because like I do think, why am I so feeling sometimes and so deep?
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_04: But then I look at, you know, some of my girlfriends, but I don't see them hit these high points where they're ecstatic and over the moon ecstatic.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_04: So that's why I say, is it good or bad?
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_04: I it is who I am.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_04: And I think that's where I can't shove it under the carpet, you know.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_01: I can relate.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, I feel like high highs are very high.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I am in the lower states, like I had a moment in October where I was just like very deeply down for a couple of days, and it was just right after we got the confirmation of the diagnosis.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was literally like, and I had someone go, you know, your light's not shining right now.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, it doesn't want to shine at the moment.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't want to shine in this moment.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like right now, I just want to feel my feelings, and then I will snap out of it and go back.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_01: But I remember having this moment where it was like, I want the everything's happening.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of like this, like, why is this happening now?
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_01: Not even why is it happening to me, but why is this happening?
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, right.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember just having this moment where I was like, firstly, why do we shame people for having feelings?
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_01: Now, it was a good thing that it took maybe two or three days, and then I was able to kind of bounce back to my normal energy because staying in that state is also not always productive.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, I was just like, I am not going to shame myself for the fact that this is a life-changing moment.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I have feelings about it, and I also cannot control it.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it was the all these like platitudes that were happening.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_04: So interesting, right?
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_04: And that I was just saying that's a lot about, you know, throughout red lipstick.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_04: It's a it is the authenticity, I think, is really an underlying, even as I oh, so here's a great example.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_04: So I walk through, you know, the chapters are broken by the five pillars: career, family, financial, spiritual, wellness.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_04: So in my career chapter, I blatantly say, work is good for me.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_04: I know at my very core, work feeds my soul.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_04: And I know everyone who reads this book does not feel that way.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_04: They don't, but that's my authentic me.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_04: That that is me.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_04: Because you're in alignment.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_04: And so it's thinking all the chapters.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_04: Now that I think about it, it's showing up that authentic me.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_04: This is just who I am.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_04: This is who I am, and being okay and good with all of that, right?
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_04: That doesn't mean I don't want to tweak things and get a little Botox once.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you mean it?
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but I mean authentically inside who I am.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I know it drives me.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_04: I think that's important.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_04: And and under the career pillar, it isn't just about work because not every woman works, it's a vocation.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's, you know, there are there are women who and you know are in my neighborhood who they don't work their full-time jobs anymore, but they're they're fulfilling themselves in other ways.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_04: And I sit there and I think, oh my God, I could never do that.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_04: I'd go nuts if I stick.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_04: But they're doing their, you know, their artwork or they're going to classes or they're doing the gym or going to lunch or playing cards.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_04: And so I that goes back to the authenticity, right?
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_04: Like knowing who we are and being okay with good with that.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_01: I love this.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful for this conversation.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, what's one way if a woman is listening and she feels like she's been surviving instead of living, what would you want her to know?
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_02: I want her to know that you only have one life to live.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_04: And we're not going to be here forever.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_04: I've seen it now, right?
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_04: So many times and in my own life, and now I'm 73.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_04: And so I want you to know you only have this one opportunity on this earth and to do what you want, do what your heart tells you.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_04: Live your life to your fullest best potential that you can.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_04: Because I I know every woman has more potential than what they think they have to use these wonderful gifts that you've been given.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_04: Don't hide, shine in your own right.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_04: You don't need others to shine.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's like, oh, I'm married to a lawyer, so I shine, you know.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_04: No, you shine within your own right.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_04: And so boldly, live radiantly, put that red lipstick on and go for it.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_04: Because you only have one chance.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you just kind of actually blended two questions into one answer.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I loved it.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_01: Before we close, I'd love for you to share where can people connect with you, your work, and the red lipstick on movement.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_01: And is there anything you feel called to share right now?
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_01: Any events, anything of the sort?
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, let's see.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the first place to go is joaneburge.com.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_04: So that's where we're housing all the red lipstick, my women's empowerment, and my big life too, which is amazing.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_04: And on there, also, we're going to launch uh live virtual quarterly experiences, raw, real, and radiant.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_04: I think that's what I'm calling them, or real, raw and radiant.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_04: But not a webinar.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_04: No, I always, it's about the experience that we're going to kick off January 21st.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_04: And that'll be quarterly.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_04: And then the book is can be purchased on our website.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_04: You can follow me on my Facebook pages, Joan Burge, and boy, and I have my company book.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_04: Go to Joan Burge, Facebook, Joan Burge, LinkedIn.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_04: I'm trying to think.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_04: Jennifer, what else?
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_04: My Instagram.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_04: Joan Burge Official.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_04: Other events coming up.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we're going to be announcing those because I have all kinds of ideas moving into a book club, virtual book club, and then recording a series, training series for women and everything else.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_04: So beautiful.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's where you can find me.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_01: Before we close out, I always do a little rapid fire.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_01: So first answer, no thinking.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_01: What is one word for your current season?
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's excellent.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_01: Recalibrating.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_01: Love it.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_01: Favorite book that changes your life outside of your own.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_01: How to be like Walt Disney.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_02: Amazing.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_02: I have not heard of that one.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: Favorite movie.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_02: Her favorite song?
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_04: My favorite song.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's Diana by a new artist.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_02: Guilty pleasure.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_02: Guilty pleasure.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_04: Oh eating lots of chocolate ice cream with peanut butter chunks in it at night like a huge bowl.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_01: Same.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_01: Best advice in a single sentence you've ever received.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_02: This one might put you on the spot.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_02: Just focus on today.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_02: Beautiful.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_02: And one thing you want women to stop apologizing for.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_02: Being sassy and bold.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, this conversation is a reminder that aliveness has no expiration date, that devotion to life is a choice, and we get to make it again and again, whether that's through grief, healing, or your becoming.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_01: Putting your red lipstick on isn't about how you look.
• 57:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's a declaration that I get to choose courage, and I get to choose to walk through fire when necessary, and to keep going after my dreams, anyways.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_01: Whether you're dancing in joy, standing in uncertainty, or learning, maybe for the first time, have to receive support, you are allowed to live fully in this season.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_01: Let this episode be your threshold, stop waiting for permission, meet your life with presence, courage, and reverence.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's resonated with you, please let us know.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_01: Share this episode, leave a review, and subscribe to the Arise with Anita podcast so you can keep rising with us.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_01: Whenever, wherever you are, take a breath, feel your body, and remember who you are.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_01: Jamla was such a pleasure.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for rising with me today.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode moved you, share it.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_00: Tag me at Arise with Anita, and make sure to subscribe so you never miss a future activation.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if you feel cold, leave a quick review.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_00: It helps more women find the space and rise into their power.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_00: Your next level is already waiting.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now go clean it.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next episode.