Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Almost Good Advice Part XI

Transcript

Almost Good Advice Part XI · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: It's time for the almost Famous podcast. We have almost
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: good Advice. This is a really great little segment that
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: we get to do where we can get questions from you,
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: the listeners, probably people listening right now to this podcast,
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: at least I hope so, because you're the ones that
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: wrote us into the questions and we get to just
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: talk through it. Can't promise any great answers, We can't
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: promise any one hundred percent truth, but what we can
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: do is going to talk through how we would talk
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: through it if these situations came into our lives. Actually,
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: we're gonna start with Shelby. I'll read the first one here.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I'm twenty four, my husband is twenty nine. We've been
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: married for four years, and I'm pregnant with our fourth baby.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Girl. Goodness gracious congratulations.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, goodness gracious is exactly what I thought when I
• 0:53
  Speaker 4: read this too.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Keys seemed awfu lately and I'm figured something was up.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: So I went through his phone, and just like my
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: last pregnancy, I found pictures of a girl from Instagram.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: On his recently deleted photos. There was a video of
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: her in her underwear arching her back. However, I searched
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: her up and found nothing. My guess is she's an
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: OnlyFans girl. This happens every time he gets me pregnant.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Then I follow my doctor's orders and stay on bedrest.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: He turns to kick me out if I tell him
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I'm hurting. He claims that I don't know what pain is.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Then I find those videos and it just makes me
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: feel so much worse. He did lead to his internet
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: history before we went to bed last night, and I
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: guess it was so I wouldn't know where he got
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: the video.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Any advice. I'm so upset, but I feel I may
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: be overreacting because of my hormones.
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: No, no, you're not overreacting because of your hormones. Your
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: husband has a pattern of going to OnlyFans when you're pregnant.
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: That's pretty gross. I'm sorry, and I and then he
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: says that your doctor recommended bed rest is fake pain.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: I'm really concerned about you having four children with this man.
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: I feel a lot of sympathy for you. You seem like
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: you deserve better. I can I laugh a little bit
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: because I feel very insecure pregnant about my body image.
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: I am not one of those pregnant women who feel
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: like like my body is beautiful. Now, I just it
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: goes beyond the fact that I feel like my face
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: looks different, Like I don't feel like my body is
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: sexy at all.
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: Like I don't know.
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: I don't think Jared, you know, I don't understand like
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: being attracted to that, even though like it's very healthy
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: and wonderful that so many men do. And I think
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: that's great, but I don't but your husband going to
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: get during pregnancy, specifically, he goes to other, like more
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: pornographic sources, and that has got to be just a
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: really bad feeling for you, and I just feel bad
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: for you. I don't know that I have advice because
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: I don't want to encourage you to leave your husband.
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: But I don't know that I like him.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we take leaving off the table right
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: now because we don't you know, obviously we don't know
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: them personally.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: But I don't like them either. I'll say that, Ashley.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: If you don't want to answer this, that's fine, But
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: there I think her husband is not good. I don't
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: like him. I don't like what he's saying to her.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I don't like that he's not treating her with respect
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: as she's carrying another child, as she's on beddress. But
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I guess if you had advice, theres two ways I
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: want to go about this. One is advice on confrontation
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: within relationships, because there has to be a confrontation here
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: where she has to stand up for herself. But the
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: big thing here is he has to love her enough
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: to want to respond well, and it found sounds like
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: right now he's just a jerk and he's hiding a lot.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: The second piece of this is intimacy while you're pregnant
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: with your spouse. I would love for you to talk
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: about that, like, how do you and Jared's say intimate
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: because also here I'm sure there's some level of Hey,
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: you're not feeling attractive, you're you know, you're on beddress.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: Are you two still connecting in some way physically?
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah? Okay.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: First off, I want to like not shame the fact
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: that the husband like that, maybe like a husband's gotta
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: watch porn.
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: Sometimes I'm talking about.
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: Only fans here, which it's more of like a personal relationship.
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: It seems like he's having a person more of an
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: interactive relationship.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't you know, I specifically don't think that
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: porn is like a healthy choice.
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, I'm not like, let's like not get.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: To say is.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: I also would imagine that if it was a something
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: that you did in your life, your spouse should maybe
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: know about it, right, Like, if you're going to be
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: doing it, maybe they're okay with it. If they're not
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: okay with it, then that's a conversation you guys should
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: have as a couple.
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, this feels like I know that watching porn can
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: be interpreted to some people as cheating, but this but
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: with only fans and with girls, like with pictures being deleted. Yeah,
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: seems like there's a more interpersonal relationship going on.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: So that feels particularly cheaty.
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: But yeah, uh, intimacy will in pregnancy. It's not the
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: greatest for us, uh talk to We even talked about
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: this last night.
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: I was like.
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: Just letting you know, probably in a few weeks, you
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: just really won't look at me.
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: You're just not gonna You're.
• 5:50
  Speaker 6: Just not gonna, you know.
• 5:52
  Speaker 5: So, so we have a couple of weeks here. It's exactly,
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: so if you feel like it, let me know. You're
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: on the clock.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: It's kind of how it is, but we definitely could
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: be more intimate and other and just like snuggling on
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: the couch and stuff like that to make up for it.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: And it's interesting that we had this conversation literally last night.
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: I was like, well, if we're not when we're not
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: going to do that, like we have to be closer
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: in some other physical way because I need that physical
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: touch even though I'm not feeling like my sexiest. So
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: it's like, you don't have to just need to be close.
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be necessarily like the sexiest.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think here's the point.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Thanks for sharing, because I'm sure that's a question a
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: lot of people have, is like how in the world
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: do we stay intimate at any level while like.
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: And I'll tell you that it was non existent with
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: Dawson because I was so sick and like it just
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: no like that because I was I was throwing up
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: until thirty weeks and then at thirty weeks I was like, hey,
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: I put on some laundry and then he was like
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: I know you, like, you know, then here's like an actual,
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: like viable human being in there, and you're.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Just like, we'll figure this out later. But here's the point.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: I think that the undertone here with Shelby. Shelby again
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: to answer, go back.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: To your question.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: You're not overreacting by any means. You might be underreacting
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: at some level in my opinion, But in healthy relationships
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: you have an example like Jared and Ashley there where
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: they're able to talk it out and be like, hey,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: like I just want to let you know, like, this
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: is what I'm feeling, this is what's going on.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: What are you needing, what are you wanting, what are
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: you desiring? Like, how can we both be there for
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: each other? Ashley needs physical touch.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: I'm sure Jared has his own love languages that he
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: needs as well.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: But you talk it out.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: And the two of you come to a consensus because
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: you are a team and you're walking through this process together.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Yes, you are carrying the child.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: You are carrying the way and so my opinion, the
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: husband then steps in as a support system to encourage
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: to be there, to care, to love because your wife
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: is carrying your baby, Shoulby, you're carrying the fourth child here.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: But in healthy relationships, you have the ability to talk
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: these things out so that there's not these things being
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: hidden and that you're kind of caught off by surprise.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: I'm sure if Jared is like, hey, Ashley, I am
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: you know, starting to look at something like that's a
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: conversation the two of you would have. It want to
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: be easy. It's not like a conversation that you would
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: want to have, but as a couple, you.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Would have it.
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: Yes, definitely, And I'm interested to see how he treats you.
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: When you're not pregnant.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: That's a good question.
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: Because if this is a pattern of him just possibly
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: not being attracted to you while you're pregnant, maybe he
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: just doesn't you know. But it's really when you threw
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: in that comment that he says that you don't know
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: what pain is when you're on bed rest, it makes
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: us like in general, make us judge this man.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: It's ridiculous.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Trust me, I just got a lesson on delivery from you,
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: what two.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: Weeks ago on this podcast.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: I have no doubt that it is painful, and I
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: have no doubt that you know what pain is.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: You've had three children, it hurts. I'm sure.
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, well we're thinking about you.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So the advice would be to try to have
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: a healthy conversation with your spouse to explain that you
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: have I don't even know if you need to explain
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: it to hermind that you have carried now four of
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: his children, that he needs to step up as a husband,
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: but also offer the space to allow him to speak
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: into kind of what he's feeling and where he's why
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: he's doing what he's doing, so that maybe you guys
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: can come to a better understanding and build that healthy
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: kind of communication channel. Not going to be easy, it's
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: not fun, but it's you guys can do it because
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: you are our team still.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: But he needs to step up.
• 10:03
  Speaker 6: I don't like him.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: Beth has a question.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: She goes, my teens do not want to move again?
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: We have already moved them once in elementary and middle
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: school and then back. My husband would like to take
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: a job that would be really great for his career.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: I do not think it is fair to move my
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: kids again, especially in high school. Terrible idea. Right, We've
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: been married for twenty years. I don't want to turn
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: I don't want him to turn down this opportunity and
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: forever regret it. However, I don't want him to separate,
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: and God forbid we meet someone else. He will have
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: to travel here to the East Coast at least once
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: a month, and I could travel there some too. Any
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: advice on living on separate coasts, So.
• 10:55
  Speaker 5: I'm all, I'm not all.
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: I would be more understanding of this him having to
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: commute situation if it weren't separate coasts. I think that
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: really puts a detriment on it because this is not
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: like he could come home for like three day weekends.
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: This is not like you can come home every weekend.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: This is like really life apart. And maybe this is
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: ironic that I'm saying this considering I was saying that,
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: like that Gary and Theresa could do this long distance
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: marriage if they wanted to. But this is different because
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: I think you're in the point of your you know,
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: you're probably in your thirties or forties. You you're just
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: like at that point you're raising kids together. You want
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: to have the father in the house with the kids
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: if you can. I don't know what to do. I
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: do like your mentality where we've moved the kids too much.
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: Like I was even saying in our Headlines episode this
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: week that Jared and I want to figure out by
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: like mid elements entry school, where we're going to like,
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: really raise the kids because we don't want to take
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: them and change their schools a whole bunch of times.
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: I think it's particularly difficult, of course, when you're in
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: high school. I think this is going to have to
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: be a conversation with that you and your husband work out.
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: Like I know that he'd like to take this job.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: It'd be great for his career, you say, but is
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: it worth it? Like how much more money is he
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: going to take? How big of a step is he
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: going to take it? Could he take this step if
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: he stays where he is a little bit longer, it's
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: really going to be a balance. And how does he
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: feel about the kids having to change schools?
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: These are my lingering questions.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think my advice would be more to
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: the husband. It would be really hard to move in
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: high school. You lose great friendships. I have still friends
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: from my high school that are my best friends in
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: the world. Yeah, and are they're friends of mine because
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: we did high school together at some levels middle school together,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: And so it would be really hard to move in
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: high school.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: And I don't think that's fair to the kids.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: If I'm talking about like my family unit that I
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: hope to have one day. I think once they get
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: into high school, it's like, you're going to finish at
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: this high school. Do whatever you can for you to
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: finish at this high school. Unless you know, some really
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: difficult thing happens and we have to move. That have
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: to would be the only scenario where you would be moving.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: And then I go to the husband and say, if
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: you pull one hundred people in their eighties, you ask
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: them some of their biggest regrets in life, they would
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: say the pursuit of money at some level that would
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: be the pursuit of a career at advancement, and the
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: lack of time I spent with my fame.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: Those are the two highest poll categories. And so I
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: think here you would have to say, am I going
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: to regret this one day? Right now? I don't feel
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: like I would. Right now.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: This feels really good. Right now, it feels like I'm
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: getting everything I ever wanted. But actually, when it comes
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: down to it, what is important to you? Is it
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: seeing your kids, you know, soccer games, is it going
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: to their graduation, is it going to their plays? Is
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: it them coming home from school and telling you about
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: their their you know, be on a test that would
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: be my upbringing and being very excited about it. But
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: ultimately I think the question here is for the husband,
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: do you really want to be away? And and what
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: and to what you were saying, at what value can
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: you put on this one opportunity you have in life
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: to see your kids turn into young adults. Do you
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: want to be away for that or do you want
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: to be there because it sounds like you saw have
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: the option to stay.
• 14:46
  Speaker 6: Where you're at.
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: I think that was absolutely perfectly.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: But final question which Mononymous says, this that some of
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: our best friends have become super flaky since we had
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: a kid. My wife and I have been friends with
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: another couple for the past several years. We honestly considered
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: them our best friends because of how reliable, friendly, and
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: helpful they were and having several shared interests. Then a
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: year ago we had a kid. Of course, that shakes
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: schedules up a bit, but we've still been able to
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: meet up with them a handful of times, once for
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: dinner out, a couple dog play dates, and ones hosting
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: at our house.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: But over the last four months it becomes super flaky
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: with us.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: We'll get texted, we'll text them to make plans but
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: then the last minute they they got to the point
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: where we weren't surprised when they canceled. Most recently, we
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: had plans then they decided to take a spontaneous international trip,
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: so we made plans to hang out when they got back,
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: but then they got sick when they returned and canceled again. Fine,
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: but they didn't even offer to reschedule again. We can't
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: imagine that us having a kid, it has ruined the
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: friendship for them. When my wife was pregnant, we were like,
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: I hope we still have time to hang out, they
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: would say, and they were saying and they would respond, oh, yeah,
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: I have a kid and we'll still see them.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: At this point, it's.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Been months since we've tried making aidends with them, because
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: we're kind of gauging their commitment to our friendship. Since
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: having a kid, it's always us that takes an issue
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: to make plans or reschedule when they fall through, and
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: even if they're trying to be considerate to let us
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: initiate since our schedule is well obviously more hectic, but
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: there hasn't even been anything like, hey, we're free for
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: the next three weekends if you guys want to hang out.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: Neither of them are very confrontational people, so we're hesitant
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: to just blatantly be like, guys, what's up, thoughts advice?
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: We don't want to burn the bridge because we aren't
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: mad at.
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: Them, just confused, okay, so we can relate a little bit.
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: We just feel like it's harder in general to make
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: plans with people since having a kid. Sometimes there's a
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: relatability thing going on with people who.
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: Have kids or don't have kids.
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: So maybe you are talking about your kid a ton
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: and they're like, all right, well, I'm listening to you
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: talk about your kid, but you're not talking about the
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: stuff that used to interest us.
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: Also just feel like.
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: You mentioned that they wanted to have kids, and then
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: you guys got pregnant first. Uh, maybe there's a little
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: sensitivity there.
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: Who knows.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: I can't say that if you guys may have said
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: something that turned them off. But I do think in general,
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: just friendships can sort of change when you're in two
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: different places in life and they said, you know, I
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: hope we still have time to hang out when the
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: kid is here. Yeah, like they probably did, but then
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: maybe like they just realized that you guys are a
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: different place is in life right now.
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: I don't know. I don't think that they hate you.
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: I think it's a sad situation.
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: You know. It sucks when you have people that you
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: love hanging out with and then all of a sudden,
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: like it just doesn't seem like there's a mutual ambition
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: to hang out. Any advice, Yeah, I don't know, Like
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: you can just kind of be upfront with them and
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: just say, hey, like, we we really miss being able
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: to see you.
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: Guys more often. Is this something we could work on?
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: My advice would one hundred percent be confront this. There's
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: obviously miss communication going on and maybe they have something
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: they want to tell you. May but you have to
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: also be prepared for them to come back and be like, hey,
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: I like you too. You guys are great, You're still
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: great as parents, but we aren't like we are interested
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: in like spending time with people. It's such a different
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: season of life than us. I don't think that's fair,
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: but it could be the case, and you have to
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: be willing to hear it. But there's a difference between
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: being a confrontational person or non confrontational person and then
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: just having a really honest conversation. It doesn't need to
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: be angsy, It doesn't need to be angry. It's a hey,
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: we miss seeing you guys. We really love seeing you guys.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: We consider you too some of our best friends in
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: the world, and we haven't seen you as much as
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: we'd like to. Is there something we could do to
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: be more accessible to you? Is there something that you
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: haven't told us that you want the opportunity to be
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: able to tell us? But we miss you, And that's
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: simply it. That could be the conversation and allow them
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: then the space to speak to it. But it doesn't
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: have to be a hey, you guys are being bad friends.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: I'm sure that some level they probably already know that
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: if they're bailing so much.
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: There's also the odds that, like they this is all
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: coincidence and things really have just come up.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: And they got sick and they wanted to go to
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: Italy for a couple of days, and you guys have just.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: Been a bad like stretch of planning. I get it.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Or it is the other side. They could just be
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: like really not designing to hang out. I mean, like
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Jess and I, we love time at home and it
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: is very often that it's no, not because we don't
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: want to hang out with anybody. It's just because we
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: want to be home, and so we say no to
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: all plans, like completely all plans. It doesn't mean we
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: don't like these people.
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: When you have kids and you do kind of crave
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: interaction with adults even more in that case because because exactly, Ben,
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: I feel like when you don't have kids, I could
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: get more into like a hobbit mode, but when I
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: want but but after as being a mom, I find
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: myself wanting to be more social because I need the
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: more adult connection. And I think it can seem more
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: offensive when you're when like you keep getting bailed on
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: because you look forward to those moments together more.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: That's fair. I guess I get that. I mean I don't.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: I don't get it like you got it.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: Understand it. Yeah, I get it.
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: Parents, And that is a thing.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: My advice would be the only way to solve this,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: unless you want this relationship to kind of flounder, would
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: be just to have that conversation, say you miss him,
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: say you want to see him more, maybe even kind
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: of like fall on the sword a little bit and say, hey,
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I know that our lives have changed quite a bit
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: since having a kid, but we want to find space
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: to still see friends again. Is there something we could
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: do because we miss you and just leave it there?
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: That's the I think the best path forward and the
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: best conversation to have. And typically in my life, tough
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: conversations with friends have always ended up in a better
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: place afterwards, So you know, it's it's always been when
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: you've had the conversation with friends that I care about. Uh,
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: there's typically that the after effects are really positive. So
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: don't be afraid to step into a tough conversation, I
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: guess would be my advice.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's good advice. All right, Well that's good. That's
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: almost good advice. I mean Ben's was good advice, but
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: the episode was almost good advice. So thank you guys
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: so much for joining us. Send us your questions. I
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: can't believe these are real questions. Sometimes our listeners are
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: going through it out there, so please email those stories
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: to Ben and Ashley at iHeartMedia dot com.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: We want to hear from you.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: We're excited too, So until next time, I've been Ben,
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: I've been Ashley.
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: Bye, guys.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts. On iHeartRadio,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.