Latest / Dear Son, / Dear Son: You Asked for This | Preparing for Purpose, Growth, and Relationships | Ep 172

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Dear Son: You Asked for This | Preparing for Purpose, Growth, and Relationships | Ep 172 · Dear Son,

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's get it.
• 0:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the Dead Sun Show.
• 0:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have meaningful conversations about light through the lens of Fatherhood.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's four fathers, those with fathers, and the Fatherless, and nobody's left out.
• 0:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: These are the conversations we want our sons that access as they grow through life in the manhood, so no topics are off limits.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm only one of your hosties, John.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your other host, J.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Black.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: J.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Black, are you here?
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: We in the building, are you here?
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's some of you still on the road.
• 0:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my feet on the road, my mind.
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's at least in this continent, for sure, for sure.
• 0:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: At least, man, we just did a mighty grunt.
• 0:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: That went well, kids turned into...
• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's always interesting to see the personalities come out in situations like that, man.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: They do well in large crowds.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, man.
• 0:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 0:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll think they from that place, man.
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's... That's another story.
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: How your day going?
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: How your week, weekend, and day going?
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Uh, um, as long as the day is still Tuesday, I'm straight.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's been a full day.
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: How was about to start complaining about it?
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Come on man.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're presenting it in a complaining tone.
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's when it hit me what we about to talk about.
• 1:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah.
• 1:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And subscribe.
• 1:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the top part.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is going to be all before the live.
• 1:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: So get your text to the live.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: To the live.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: 224.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: 224.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: 226.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: 7pm.
• 1:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: For what you got it.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: The song will be fantastic.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Promise you that.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be the people that asked us to make it available to you and only for you to ask us to make it available.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: That way.
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: You want to see us?
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: That very way.
• 1:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's on a Tuesday where the reality is you're going to do, you're going to find a way to do what you want to do.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: We just hope you're doing that with us.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's time for tonight.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe next time.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: We'll be around.
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I said, it just hit me.
• 1:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was about to go to the bank for those that are just joined the journey.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: We don't.
• 1:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: pre-game.
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: We got a bank of topics.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: We probably have a said then the why I got a bank of topics that are that's a living document, right?
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when something is one of us will update it, but we don't talk about what we're going to do before we sit down.
• 2:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Nope.
• 2:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And whoever's driving has the option to go to that bank or to come up with something, I couldn't even get to the actual bank and it just hit me like that.
• 2:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, this sign.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: You asked for this.
• 2:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you complainin' for.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: You asked for this.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: What are you complainin' for?
• 2:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: How dare you?
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's what hit me.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: How dare you?
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you want it?
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got it.
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You show, right?
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you have the gum and the audacity and the gumption, yeah.
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: To ask for a thing.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 2:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shame on you.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: if when that thing shows up, you say, where does all this come from?
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, why is there so much on my plate?
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why am I so busy?
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why am I going in three to 12 different directions in three hours?
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 3:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: You asked for it.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it is.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And right on there.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, right on there.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And one word that you said is busy.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think, I think that's, um, I think that's the disservice to what we talk about.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is purpose.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is purpose.
• 3:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is purpose that the schedule is full.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I even did not choose those words.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got to choose my words carefully because busy sounds like a bunch of other stuff in a changeable.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't like it.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: It sounds in a changeable
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is part number three and this is not for sympathy, but this is I'm talking myself through in real time in real time Yeah, because this This almost didn't happen with something else with schedule.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: We were supposed to get something else with schedule, right?
• 4:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't even see that thing for a lot for you hit me.
• 4:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was like I see that thing for a lot.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, hey, I'm gonna be a lot.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: When I saw that text, I said,
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, come on, let's do it, let's do it.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: My idea when I hit you, I was at an awards ceremony.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why when I came in, I was dressed where I was dressed.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the night, I had to switch into this.
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because I got a, there's a follow-up in box.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Me and let me know what we look like on the show.
• 4:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And been on my head saying, my shirt's been wrinkled lately.
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: So.
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you have something to say about it today, I just threw this on.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I'll find with that action.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hit you from the awards here at Monday and say, hey, I just saw that slide open up.
• 4:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's go.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: We live.
• 4:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 4:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was waiting.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: The other thing wasn't so stressful because I wasn't in it.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was gonna come in and shoot.
• 5:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And even I'm kind of glad that it's postponed because it wasn't what I expected.
• 5:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was expecting one thing and the reason the cancel was because that was something else involved with it.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I wasn't expecting that.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, got up this morning and had a dope conversation with one of the women for the women's series.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So March, depending on whatever you see this, if you're seeing this in February, if you're seeing this in March,
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: or after, typically in March, we have a win the series.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: March is win the history month, it is.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that perspective is important and they birth this.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there's that's a fact.
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it's generally getting that perspective on their fatherhood story.
• 5:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: So not them trying to be a well, some that may be a story or trying to be or having to serve and both capacities.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: But don't conversation this morning.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: 130.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I stayed up in here until Donovan got out of school.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so I was I was prep.
• 6:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: take none of the work.
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 6:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: He didn't know because he had started cheer today.
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, she, she's gone to the clinics.
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, she wants to be a chicken.
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I know that.
• 6:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Lisa, right?
• 6:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you see, all of it is just on this table.
• 6:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: So drive him a six, pick her up a six, 30.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Go home, show face.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Come back up here.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I asked for this.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Did it.
• 6:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: So a, a, a, a, a, and a more accurate word than busy.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: active.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, for sure.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Active.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Definitely active there.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think some of the some of the hesitation has been like I've been literally praying for the for the territory to be expanded.
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: The platform to be expanded.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: It happened.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now it's the coming to the coming to terms with, uh,
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: the visibility.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Even though too many, this is still a smaller platform to some, this is a larger platform to us, it's our platform.
• 7:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was, it's huge.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because listen, when we are today, we're on the mountain top.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so just to acknowledge that, it's like you said, the whole time, planning and planning for this, prepping for this, if you will.
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't stopping you, I'm pinning it, so the preparation, the lesson in that preparation is it goes back to the, oh, culture block, localism, you don't know what you don't know to, you know, you don't know it.
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes you'll ask for a thing, but you forget or don't think to or no to ask, prepare me for the things that come with that as well.
• 7:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: mold me into the preparation.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Make me a vessel.
• 7:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we'll say, I give me this.
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me get that.
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me get that right there.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm watching what I do with it.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not knowing you need to also prepare your surroundings.
• 8:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: You need to be receptive of everything that comes with that because I don't care what you do.
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's other pieces to the puzzle that's there's methods to the madness if you will your lifestyle has to adjust your family time has to adjust your day-to-day schedule Whereas I usually have this slot to go that slot may perhaps no longer be available indefinitely Am I okay with these three slots being gone and Fielding with activity now because this is what I asked for so because I'm asking for
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: this yacht and not knowing that I have to pay the crew that comes with this yacht.
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have to pay the fuel.
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh, you had to feel that fuel up, man.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's going to run you about $2500, not knowing.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's an astronomical fee or cost to a person that's unaware.
• 8:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: So nice.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, hey, man, this yacht right here could be yours.
• 8:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this boat, even.
• 9:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then when you do the math and you find out that this is $150,000, upkeep.
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: and I'm using monetary value because the first thing people can go to, but think about how prices you're tying me.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so now it's like, hey, yeah, you could do that.
• 9:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: But that's gonna cost you eight hours.
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then that eight hours is gonna spill over and I need four more of these hours from you to prep and get yourself ready for that eight.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because these four prep me for the eight.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: But then there's a two hour breakdown to disassemble the eight hour.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's 14 hours.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: You see what I mean?
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's a 14 hour thing that goes with this day.
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because now my mind, I had even begun to talk about what I got personnel wise or who's coming in.
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And like you say, if anybody coming in and watch you set up for a shoot, if it's an episode, if it's multiple people, one person, if it's live, if it's mobile, lower forbid, it's mobile.
• 9:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because that's a whole lot of animal.
• 10:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: a person who's not accustomed to what it takes to do that, they'll sit there and they'll just watch your floating through the room.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're like, you'll ricochet rabbit.
• 10:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: You in this corner, that corner, that corner.
• 10:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Everybody else fellowship in the talking, getting my right and ready for the conversation.
• 10:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's about to be here.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're just shy of, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm here, but don't mind.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: It just look like this.
• 10:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 10:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't see the broken eggshells.
• 10:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: All you see is a cake.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man, this is, I love and hate how these things become together because the whole day is making sense now.
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: This.
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Me and Joe T, we're talking about, I was saying that I'll give myself a break on a thing if it's impressive to somebody else.
• 10:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, who does it?
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, did like you were saying, if I'm floating around, that thing is normal to me.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it might be, look like a thing to somebody else.
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, that's good enough to cool, cool.
• 11:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't want to rehast that conversation, but something that, but the thing that got me stuck as typical, that you said was, prepare me for the thing.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I've been on for the last several episodes, talking about guy, helped me stew it the thing.
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can't honestly say that I've had enough time.
• 11:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: with the conversation of preparing me for what this thing is going to I've been realizing what it's doing to me.
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, but I I probably haven't been preparing for it in its entirety, right?
• 11:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of conversations in my mind about when this happens, this happens and it's not about the material reward for a thing, but
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about what it actually takes to be the person that's required to endure the thing that I'm asking for.
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think a lot of it is because
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: in every other scenario, you just find a way, right?
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, finding a way is not prepared.
• 12:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not growth.
• 12:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's cool.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: See, you've got to go from the growth angle.
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm getting my toes back.
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because, because I'm talking to me with last episode, possibly, possibly, right?
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: There was a conversation you and I had in front of these cameras that,
• 12:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: We rotate, we rotate who drives and up to a point.
• 12:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not to say that I don't take the platform series anybody that knows, especially you.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, that's not the case.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: However,
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: The seriousness on and dedication that the platform warns is disrespectful for me not to address it accordingly, because it deserves a certain level of attention and interaction and touch.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: and if I fail to give it that touch, then I'm doing the very thing that we asked and prayed for and pouring into a disservice.
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: How dare I show up and it's my turn to drive and I can't do a simple thing as
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: deliver my intro into the episode.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, what I say unacceptable.
• 13:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sure, that's your personality and things are light-hearted, you're a light-hearted fellow and you joke, yes, sure.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: However, however, there's a certain level of accountability.
• 13:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's above.
• 13:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even your typical way of doing things, your typical personality.
• 14:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: This thing is bigger than you, so stop just letting you.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever I got for you here, you go, no, no, no, no.
• 14:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think deeper.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: We would definitely fall to do this tonight.
• 14:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've been struggling with that conversation with you.
• 14:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And not even from a fear or what it's going to do to our relationship or our chemistry.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've really been like at times, like I know he cares, yes, yes.
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: take this.
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: If it felt like, right, take it and I'm like, I'm
• 15:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know he's going to grow into it because it's tough.
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't want to come off his judgmental as if I have more experience in this thing and I've had the opportunity to grow without being accountable to somebody other than myself.
• 15:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just somebody else comes in, welcome then, right?
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can't necessarily expect them, like that's the thing with me and business, like somebody wearing your name, which is what this is.
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: absolutely.
• 15:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what this is, absolutely.
• 15:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I, because it's your personality.
• 15:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I know it's not like, Mamma, wein this thing.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know, I didn't know if you saw it.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad you said it because it's, thank you for saying that.
• 15:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listen, I appreciate that.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't worry.
• 15:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, I get it because listen, it's like a, like in the moment,
• 15:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: When it happened, I said to myself, I know you like, like, surely at this point.
• 16:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Cause I was already looking at, mmm, I need to expand that.
• 16:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like this, this was a good starter.
• 16:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 16:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: This was a buffer starter, like, boo, boo, boo, boo, get right to it.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: it's deeper than that and and that's growth and and recognize and the interaction because again I created a lot of the growth and experiences I have to be being on the platform because there's a level of accountability that even at home like you say I go home and I'm a certain way in front of my children and with my wife that something to play back that a conversation
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not the way to do this.
• 16:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me go back and run that again.
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nope, you just threw up on the table, take that back, dig deeper.
• 16:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, hey, I feel like I kind of disregard it.
• 17:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: The conversation we were having earlier, I apologize I had a lot going on.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me reinsert myself right here and actively listen and actively participate in this conversation because this could be something really near and dear to your heart and I just didn't, I don't want you to get the impression that I just kind of have has a little flu by it, just for the sake of, I just checked the box.
• 17:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hate for people to check boxes on me.
• 17:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: So law forbid, I do something to someone else that I don't want them doing to me.
• 17:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: That I do a lot of self-reflecting like I say when I'm walking or exercising because that's the thing Now again, so they give me a lot of time to self-reflect and that's where my true growth happens and my self accountability like nope Unacceptable that was so apart.
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got to do better than that.
• 17:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and if for me It's a you know stand on the theme of you ask for this like that comes with it there like I
• 18:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: protecting the thing that I started, protecting something doesn't mean keeping everybody away from it, right, right, in all cases, right, if something isn't to be touched, certainly, yeah, maybe that's an approach, but for me, I've been trying to
• 18:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: get these conversations out of my head, which is what this platform does, yes, but teach people how to treat a thing that I respect, is what is important.
• 18:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Very important, yes, in all aspects of life, and I'm more intentional about it in some aspects than other aspects, and I do the, I end up doing the entire thing to
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've already decided for you, like if I decided for you that you're not serious about it.
• 19:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or, but we just keep showing up, right?
• 19:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's, you know what I'm saying?
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: It grows into a, it grows into a thing.
• 19:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not did the rugby, but that's the same thing as, imagine the other person, the other person being me, thinking you are operating on 10.
• 19:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then it takes someone pointing out to you.
• 19:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what you're putting in.
• 19:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: That could be a thing where it's like, I didn't know.
• 19:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: They had no, I did, let me look at it.
• 19:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then, actually, looking at it, the biggest thing I learned in some of my college courses was, originally I would fall in love with my first draft.
• 19:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the biggest thing I'd rough draft this, rough draft, rough draft, rough draft in writing.
• 19:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: The greatest writers on the planet, they, there's like 10 versions before you saw that thing.
• 20:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're not great because they can just sit down and put peeing to pay it and drop something and it's a masterpiece.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not the first initial thing that hit that paper.
• 20:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have to realize that.
• 20:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: But me, my arrogant self,
• 20:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: put some down in them or submit this.
• 20:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just killed them.
• 20:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Until I trained, I looked at it and I see where you were headed.
• 20:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I can also tell this is probably your first draft.
• 20:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you would take the time and do two possibly three more drafts, you would surprise yourself.
• 20:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 20:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: I presented it.
• 20:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: which is a level of arrogance as well, until I actually try it.
• 20:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not for the sake of they told you to do it, but actually apply yourself.
• 20:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's see what come out of this application.
• 20:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 20:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Glone away.
• 20:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: same thing.
• 20:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you'll get these lessons and forget that each lesson is not just for what you're doing in that situation, that lesson is to be applied in your life across the board.
• 21:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you learn that if I don't move my hand fast enough, I'm gonna cut it.
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm chopping this onion, that could
• 21:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: that half a second that I hesitated.
• 21:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I could perhaps lose an opportunity.
• 21:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the same thing.
• 21:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm cutting that half second, I could lose a finger.
• 21:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm closing a deal and I've already done my research, my market research and it's a go in my mind, but I get to the negotiation table and I hesitated for one moment.
• 21:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I could possibly lose that deal.
• 21:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the exact same lesson.
• 21:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just didn't think to apply it.
• 21:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You learned it.
• 21:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: You learned the principle of the lesson.
• 21:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now let's go apply the principle.
• 21:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter what the situation is.
• 21:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Figure out how to principle applies to the scenario.
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's going to fit.
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man, so now, thinking in terms of how this applies to every day, fatherhood,
• 22:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm questioning whether I've aired too much on the side of Sun you asked for this figured out.
• 22:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, there's a there's a value and I'm going through a thing bump your head and figure some things out.
• 22:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: just for him to figure it out.
• 22:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's not my natural reaction.
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I gotta check myself from that.
• 22:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would say that that's not my norm, but I know I've come to a point with my oldest son that I'm somewhere jaded in terms of, how many times can I say a thing to you?
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I get that.
• 23:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: How many times can I advise you of
• 23:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: right because your actions are what you're asking for.
• 23:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: We've had conversations about these things and you still have these actions that are asking for these consequences.
• 23:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I know their moments where I've maybe positioned him for a consequence absent in conversation.
• 23:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because
• 23:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm guilty of it in parenting and in marriage though.
• 23:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I do the same thing.
• 23:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was going to wait, I do the same thing.
• 23:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: in my relationship, and as a father, both are flawed, though.
• 23:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have to fix that approach in both of those relationships, both of those roles have to be fixed, because am I willing to lose it?
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Am I willing to allow it to diminish?
• 24:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: to just an existence and not thrive and grow, because we can never forget that life is about growth, even if you're stagnant, that's something.
• 24:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because now this other person doesn't necessarily mean they're stagnant.
• 24:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: This could be your children, this could be your spouse.
• 24:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're growing, they're moving.
• 24:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: So imagine, just because of lack of conversation, or you sit in bed like you're going over there and bump your head.
• 24:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes if you bump your head going through this door, I'm not going through that door anymore then.
• 24:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: When all I have to say is, hey,
• 24:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: the trick to get into that door is dug down a little bit when you're coming through right but imagine if I don't tell you that but going through that door is what brings you to me but now you're tied up bumping your head I'm tied up telling you dug to get in I'm just going to go to the right instead of the left well the right I'm not to the right until you're left well it's easier for me to go over here we're going over there's not choosing me
• 25:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not willing to continue as Lee advise me how to come to you, how to get to you because you're tired of telling me how to get to you, how to cater to you.
• 25:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's an aggravation, but surely a person you're loved and loving and trying to be with your entire life or the rest of your life is worth me.
• 25:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's find a way for this to stick for you so that and parenting is well.
• 25:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Imagine if I'm trying to teach my son, y'all has too big for your stomachs, huh?
• 25:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You ask for this?
• 25:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now it's all here and it's a big heat pile.
• 25:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Figure it out.
• 25:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe that's the one blessing that's been a restructured arrest of his life and your wisdom is needed for organization.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: give him a system, show him a system, work out a system with him, or you being there motivates him to come up with his own system.
• 26:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: You said this and he's like, I'm not quite that, but I see what you had it.
• 26:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's really this.
• 26:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now he said for the rest of the life.
• 26:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now the generational set up comes after that one pivotal moment that I'm going to say something one more time.
• 26:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you keep saying one more, if it turns into 20,
• 26:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, well, it's 20.
• 26:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 26:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: This I saw.
• 26:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: It takes with takes.
• 26:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, right?
• 26:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And there's no there's no magic number for for anything.
• 26:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
• 26:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I know a lot of the criticism on the welcome him back clip.
• 26:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we'll see.
• 26:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: See that's that's the problem.
• 26:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Y'all wait.
• 26:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not without, it's not that they're erasing, in my opinion, this is not about erasing consequences, right?
• 26:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like if, if they're there, there is a consequence of your thing.
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're not dismissing you as a person because you've done a thing that I said not do.
• 27:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I've probably said it 15, 20 times.
• 27:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 27:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now if it takes you away from me because of your decision and it puts you in a place where I can't get to you and you can't get to anybody else.
• 27:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: We want to avoid that, but that's, that's, you know, that's, they're, they're always consequences.
• 27:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man, you, you said about, about the relationship, I started thinking about when the people in our lives are asking for a thing.
• 27:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they get the thing that requires more of them how do we react?
• 27:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because we're talking through our lens.
• 27:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: We wanted this to expand the shape.
• 27:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Baby, it's changing.
• 27:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is how I was going to be.
• 27:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is easy to walk in there with that provider of C. I have to now, we have to, this is, I think, right.
• 27:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: When I was starting to say before, like Keisha, my wife was telling me, we joined the journey.
• 28:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Super creative, this, I concur.
• 28:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm creative in my way.
• 28:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's creative in her way.
• 28:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our brains do not work the same.
• 28:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, right.
• 28:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's not rocket science.
• 28:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: The way she sees opportunity, sometimes to me doesn't necessarily seem to have the structure to approach that I have in my mind.
• 28:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do.
• 28:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I know that on this journey, there are things about it that she can't see that she's trusting implicitly,
• 28:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: because of our relationship and she gives me the grace and has the confidence to know that I'm not doing this out of malice, I'm not, I have no other intention but to further our family to this thing.
• 28:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
• 28:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: So she's moving her products into a physical space.
• 29:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when she initially told me,
• 29:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: probably wasn't what it should have been.
• 29:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like I said before, I'm working on my face.
• 29:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I know she saw it because she says she's like, I can't read like your level of excitement.
• 29:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: My mind goes into all of the things that I think she may not have thought.
• 29:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
• 29:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes that's disruptive.
• 29:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
• 29:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 29:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: The dream killer.
• 29:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I know she's being led into this thing.
• 29:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what is my adjustment?
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Need to be to allow that space of I can't see what you can see.
• 29:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't need you to see what I see when it's my thing.
• 29:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just need you to go along.
• 29:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's for, I don't, it's not so easy to put me to go along at least initially.
• 30:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: This, yes, at least initially, right?
• 30:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we smacked that like she's moving to the store this week.
• 30:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Painter tree in a, in Matthew, it's a go.
• 30:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's going, it's, it's a go.
• 30:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
• 30:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your gift is not my gift, right?
• 30:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: My gift is not your gift.
• 30:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your vision was given to you.
• 30:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: How much trust do I have in you to go along with your vision?
• 30:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know history, I know background, I know previous
• 30:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't short you and think for one moment that you didn't get the lesson to though.
• 30:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 30:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps we've tried this like shame on me every time you have a new idea to bring up the now on slow that down, you know, when you do this, you know, this turns out like this.
• 31:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, no, no, no, you're trying to say I didn't learn anything.
• 31:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't make any adjustments.
• 31:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you know we haven't had any conversations about it?
• 31:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't presented anything to you.
• 31:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: All I told you was I'm going on my next endeavor.
• 31:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now, like you say, be mindful of going into the dream killer mode, because your business might well kick in.
• 31:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're taking projections, I'm taking sustainability, I'm taking market space, market share, market cap.
• 31:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have to dig about investment.
• 31:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Was my overhead, was my audience, was my target audience.
• 31:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who else is doing this in the, your traffic, what's the, how do you people here?
• 31:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Can't help it.
• 31:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes, the analytics,
• 31:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: is the part that can be done without presenting it to a person who perhaps does not partake in analytics.
• 31:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: They'll take that as.
• 31:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: you don't want me to do this.
• 31:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now I got to start hoarding and keeping my ideas to myself, hate us going hate.
• 32:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I know now, imagine your teammate feeling like I have to sneak and get this thing rolling, then I just got a pop out on you with the look what I got, look what I've been doing.
• 32:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want you to ever feel that way about me.
• 32:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now I have to
• 32:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to say curb my enthusiasm because perhaps more enthusiasm it's needed in this area and less sharing of what you just did to me mentally because now my mind is click, click, click, click, click.
• 32:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't necessarily need to share that right now in the moment.
• 32:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps we celebrate because I see you you're excited.
• 32:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're motivated about it.
• 32:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 32:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's uplift you celebrate you like, and well listen, let's go talk about this time.
• 32:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, so that's definitely the direction I need to move in so hard though, what is it's it's it's it's not no No, okay good because that because it's it's a it's a choice like it's a conscious this is like that like I said this it's wasn't a Like a reaction where went one way it was talking through it and um
• 33:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: being more willing to accept what I can't see and not suggest that it can't be because I don't see it.
• 33:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Whether that's in words or my facial expressions or body language.
• 33:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 33:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because the thing, the very thing that in my mind this platform is going to be,
• 33:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: is not a likely thing for the average person to do, right?
• 33:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 33:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: When it comes to me, it's why I'd be average.
• 33:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: When it comes to other people, it was like, you thought about being an average.
• 33:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would just say, yeah, it's sort of the degree.
• 33:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm also thinking about this son.
• 34:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: When you said the history,
• 34:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have all of this history from these young humans that are just crossed into adulthood.
• 34:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: That for all intents and purposes deserve a different love of respect and grace for them to be able to flourish and develop.
• 34:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: but part of me still wants to hold you to the stand to the, I mean, brought from 14 to 16.
• 34:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: You, I mean, you didn't finish nothing.
• 34:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying that that's what it was, but it's you, you, I'm trying to be mindful of not the harbor like what to do with the history.
• 34:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: This, how to use the history.
• 34:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, you know what I'm saying?
• 34:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 34:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And not necessarily that history must in all cases repeat itself when you can make adjustments.
• 34:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: how are you seeing that with a y'all saw a beat of time, right?
• 35:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no, my, my bad.
• 35:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 35:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I didn't see you last night.
• 35:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know you were here, but you know what I'm saying?
• 35:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: No idea.
• 35:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: But as you see them less frequently, and the changes might seem a little, my mind, the changes might be a little bit more drastic.
• 35:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: When you don't see somebody every day, it's almost like you.
• 35:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's easier to miss things every day because they may be more gradual.
• 35:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is, and the biggest standout right now is his level of communication.
• 35:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I'm, I caught myself the other day.
• 35:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I called him with, like I said, we went down in New Orleans for Marigura and so that's a quick little drive being that he's at LSU this that's an hour.
• 36:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 36:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: So him and his roommate, they were like, yeah, we're going to, so we're going to shoot down there with me jot down there with a roommate.
• 36:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: his parents now live in New Orleans like they used to live here, but they moved like when he graduated, everybody moved.
• 36:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: He went to Ben Rouge, they went to New Orleans.
• 36:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: So they were like, yeah, we're going to his people house with Stan over there, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
• 36:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: So my wife, you know, she geeked.
• 36:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: She like, man, see my boy.
• 36:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, she's on extremely brief though.
• 36:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was like,
• 36:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: one of the parades the first night we got there.
• 36:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: We never saw him again.
• 36:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, and it's not that he was in the streets per se, but he was with, he was with dude in his dead and his dead born and raised and born.
• 36:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what word about him?
• 36:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, he ran a tight little like, hey, we're going to the parades.
• 36:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're going here.
• 36:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then we're going back to the crib.
• 37:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll have to wait.
• 37:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: So because he was safe, it wasn't a big deal.
• 37:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: But to the point, to your point,
• 37:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: the the history like do a hold your history in your past mistakes over your head so that we can say hey
• 37:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to make sure or that you're still mindful of this.
• 37:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you don't repeat these mistakes.
• 37:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: It also can be used as a measure in tool, though.
• 37:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, sure.
• 37:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because now I see the mistakes you were making and your thought processes.
• 37:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as I look at those and look at you currently, I see the change of the difference.
• 37:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: At least I'm seeing a different approach.
• 37:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I can expect a different outcome perhaps.
• 37:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I'm happy about because like,
• 37:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Our typical conversations, there's a, there's a flow to it.
• 37:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not short, but it's, it's, there's a certain cadence.
• 37:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 37:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I kind of was operating on that cadence and he digging deeper.
• 37:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like he had in deep conversations like, and I was impressed.
• 38:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me.
• 38:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I had to calm me down like, hey, man.
• 38:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: sitting in this relationship, sitting in this conversation.
• 38:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: This young man talking to you right now, like he talking, kind of like a catch-up almost.
• 38:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like man, I got this going on and this semester, I have a no-one new approach to this and it helped me realize I really was kind of writing that off, but now because of the professor I have now, he's telling me this and it,
• 38:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: It turned the light on for me, and that blew me away to him, say that I was like, me, yes, because that's genuinely what life is about, you know, you'll have a bad experience, and we're so ready to write it off because we had a bad experience.
• 38:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: that experience, try something different.
• 38:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to throw the baby out with the bath water, but I'm impressed with his approach to adversity because I've seen him in the past, adversity hit, he pivoting like I'm not quit, but it's time to sign a just and do something else.
• 39:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: But double down.
• 39:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I'm impressed with that.
• 39:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't wait to see this journey continue.
• 39:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
• 39:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm I pulled my seat up and sitting on the edge of the seat now.
• 39:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like yeah, let's go.
• 39:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm sorry to see that with Donovan too.
• 39:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And as we have in the conversation about the history, it's a beautiful thing when they made the revelation about like you said that light bulb moment when it goes off of
• 39:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: The things that you've been telling me weren't really falling on deaf ears.
• 39:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's kind of slow to, kind of slow to accept or slow to react.
• 39:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so I'm starting to see that.
• 39:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm starting to see his communication pick up a little more, um, like I used to like, he, I'm starting to see him respect my time boy.
• 39:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I did it was only about that.
• 39:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the lesson of the lesson that I was trying to give him the entire time is
• 40:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Nothing cares to you out there.
• 40:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Certainly, yep.
• 40:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is a luxury that you had right now.
• 40:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't mind it.
• 40:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't want any payment for it.
• 40:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Other than you respecting my contribution.
• 40:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
• 40:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't need a long letter.
• 40:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't need no gifts.
• 40:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 40:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the way you treat this relationship is probably going to be indicative of how you approach relationships in the real world.
• 40:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: their reaction may not be what my name is because I love and care for you.
• 40:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: The constant lake was dry was driving me there, right?
• 40:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then it came to a situation where it seemed that the establishment he was working for were kind of less um, tolerant of certain behaviors.
• 40:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, almost looking for a reason.
• 40:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like
• 41:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Being late is just an attribute, a characteristic, but when it comes to finding a reason
• 41:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: It may be cool up until it ain't cool, correct?
• 41:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're going there, you laugh and joking, you key-key-in, you have what you think you had a great shift, but you've been laying the groundwork of, this is who I am as a person.
• 41:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: But yeah.
• 41:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when tough decisions have to be made and then look at for the dead weight, you have it.
• 41:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you have it in that thing.
• 41:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he's starting to see some of those things and I see his decision making in terms of,
• 41:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I haven't, I honestly haven't said a curfew because I haven't.
• 41:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I haven't needed to, and I, I was, I kind of wanted to see how he played it.
• 41:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: But he has to come in at any ridiculous time.
• 41:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: We had to, we had to mix up with new years, but that was, he just overplayed his hand without when getting his mom all concerned about what was eventually nothing.
• 41:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the way that the consequences are shaking out for him,
• 42:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: being sick.
• 42:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now you got to make up time being sick.
• 42:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now you're not at work.
• 42:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now the money ain't flowing.
• 42:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then like it was I really that sick or was it like none of these things have started domino.
• 42:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 42:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, well, you know, yeah.
• 42:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you're the choir.
• 42:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm the preacher like, well, whatever, but like I'm glad to see these things, you know, starting to take shape.
• 42:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a, you know, there's a lot left to be desired.
• 42:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: trying to end it on a positive note.
• 42:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I see where I see with some things to work in.
• 42:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And again, I'm just trying to be mindful not to get to a place of everything has to be a lesson for him because of history.
• 42:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, because the important part is is that's also the reward of, okay, yeah, I don't have to stop talking.
• 42:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because eventually, there's another thing
• 43:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, to God.
• 43:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: You didn't get it, I'm not gonna, you gotta go bump your head there and that's gonna go.
• 43:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: So then when you see that he demonstrates, just like you just pointed out, he was getting it.
• 43:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was listening, it's in there, it's in there.
• 43:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, it makes sense to apply it, which that was my learning style growing up.
• 43:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it was, you can give me all the theory you want.
• 43:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: until you show me that how it applies, if it's not applied like sometimes I have the double back and run it back because I don't know that that thing you're telling me right now is very important.
• 43:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 43:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you're telling me this very important.
• 43:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, everything come out to my important.
• 43:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 43:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so then when the applied portion comes in, and it's like, oh man, I should have been paying double closer attention to that.
• 43:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because here it is, right in front of me.
• 43:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now the double back, and now they read in slow rub and the finger across the page.
• 44:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, oh, now it's important.
• 44:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now that's also as a parent, what environment did we create?
• 44:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's what that you fell into the year, yeah, yeah.
• 44:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: that I give you too much at one time, was I overly given it to you instead of you figuring some things out.
• 44:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, let me give you a little bit.
• 44:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let you figure it out and kind of alternate.
• 44:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: We want so much to, like, let me cram as much in your brain as I can and hopefully it'll stick.
• 44:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's kind of like the, hold your bucket right there and I'm just gonna throw as many marbles that way as I can.
• 44:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 44:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to try to get this many in that bucket as we can, so some are going to fall out, bounce out, miss, that's fine, at least I know you were exposed to it there, just don't give up on your kids, right?
• 45:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's uh, you know, so some less than they'll, they'll, they'll decide that they have to have and there's not much we can do about it, but to the extent that you can do do and I challenged the uh,
• 45:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Charles, the sons are there, man.
• 45:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't be afraid to let your father know that he was right.
• 45:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Something's working.
• 45:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Give him something.
• 45:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Give him something because like you can get in that you can get in that dangerous place of feeling like you're too far.
• 45:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like you've done too much and it may be because of the relationship and maybe because of how you used to, you know, how to conversations when at one time.
• 45:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: But, um,
• 45:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let that man know that that you appreciate and why you can because there's no shortage of stories about those that want to say things to somebody that they can no longer say them too, man.
• 45:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So yes.
• 45:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't don't be afraid for your actions to show that your dad was right.
• 46:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: That father figure was right.
• 46:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Your mom, whoever it is in your life, man.
• 46:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because you got to close, bro.
• 46:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Stop letting healthy relationships with her for the sake of
• 46:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You, you tie the poor in, you tie the poor in, you tie the poor in, you tie the poor in.
• 46:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tie the poor in, you tie the poor in.
• 46:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tie the poor in, you tie the poor in, you tie the poor in.
• 46:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tie the poor in, you tie the poor in.
• 46:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tie the poor in, you tie the poor in.
• 46:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tie the poor in, you tie the poor in.
• 46:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tie the poor in, you tie the poor in.
• 46:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tie the poor in, you tie the poor in.
• 46:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tie the poor in, you tie the poor in.
• 46:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: You want to water it once a month.
• 46:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Gallin on the first day.
• 46:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Gallin on the first day.
• 46:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna dump everything.
• 46:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got 10 minutes.
• 46:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna buy the dump everything on you.
• 46:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I applied that to the relationships.
• 46:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's friendships there because we don't see them every day.
• 46:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm tired of calling out.
• 46:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Last 10 times we try to call each other.
• 46:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: We keep missing each other.
• 47:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll catch up.
• 47:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll catch up.
• 47:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then when you catch up, you would like you to say a gallon.
• 47:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to give you six months of what happened in 10 minutes.
• 47:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: it's worth it.
• 47:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Slow down, nourish it, pour into it.
• 47:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't let it wither away at what cost.
• 47:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you let that relationship go away, was it worth what you're going to do with all this water now?