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Transcript

77 | Gulf War Gameboy · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Matt, I interrupt this podcast to bring you a spooky development.
• 0:04
  Matt: A spooky development.
• 0:06
  Eric: Folks, I know it's like early November when you're listening to this episode, early to mid.
• 0:12
  Eric: I don't know.
• 0:13
  Eric: I don't know time.
• 0:14
  Eric: November 9th.
• 0:15
  Eric: But as we're recording, it is still October 29th as we're recording.
• 0:20
  Eric: We are well within the spooky window.
• 0:22
  Matt: Spooky window.
• 0:23
  Eric: So let me preface this with a couple things.
• 0:25
  Eric: All right.
• 0:27
  Eric: One, and I've been waiting, I've been dying to kind of start this conversation because I know there are many depths we can plumb here.
• 0:35
  Eric: I talk in my sleep.
• 0:37
  Eric: Sure.
• 0:38
  Eric: Same.
• 0:38
  Eric: And Matt, I know can relate to a sleep talking situation.
• 0:43
  Eric: Oh, yeah, sure.
• 0:44
  Eric: As uh renowned Dr.
• 0:47
  Eric: Lindsay Barr is well known for talking in her sleep and well documented by her husband.
• 0:55
  Eric: Absolutely, yes.
• 0:56
  Eric: I also talk in my sleep.
• 0:58
  Eric: Okay.
• 0:58
  Eric: Uh conversation like at a conversational volume.
• 1:02
  Eric: I don't talk to people, I just talk.
• 1:04
  Eric: I sleep talk.
• 1:06
  Eric: And obviously, Alyssa has been party to much of my sleep talking.
• 1:12
  Eric: And there have been many a morning where she's like, guess what you said in your sleep last night?
• 1:17
  Eric: She actually sent me a really neat list.
• 1:19
  Eric: Oh, which we can explore at another time.
• 1:22
  Eric: I want to talk about this most uh recent development.
• 1:26
  Eric: Let me also be clear from the get.
• 1:28
  Eric: As Alyssa has told me more and more of the things I say in my sleep, luckily, none of them horrifying.
• 1:33
  Eric: Well, I'll be the judge of that.
• 1:35
  Eric: Uh we'll be the judge of that.
• 1:36
  Eric: I've told her, Oh, you should 100%, if you ever want to, you you can record me while I'm saying this shit.
• 1:43
  Eric: Oh, dicey, okay.
• 1:44
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:45
  Eric: Uh, because I I never get to hear it.
• 1:47
  Eric: So I'm kind of sure meaning quite the prospect.
• 1:50
  Eric: So this morning, yeah, Alyssa is talking to me.
• 1:54
  Eric: She's like, Oh yeah, you were talking in your sleep again last night.
• 1:57
  Eric: She said, You were saying you it sounded like you were in the military, like you were talking about like an admiral or something, like you were saying all this military stuff.
• 2:08
  Eric: I was like, Oh, damn.
• 2:09
  Eric: She's like, Well, I recorded it.
• 2:10
  Eric: I was like, Oh, cool.
• 2:12
  Eric: So she had a and she's like, I have not opened it.
• 2:15
  Eric: She was like, I was gonna wait until you got up, so we listened to it together.
• 2:18
  Eric: She opens her phone, it's a 23-second clip.
• 2:22
  Eric: Okay, during which my girlfriend assures me that I was talking about like all this military stuff in my sleep at at like a conversational volume.
• 2:32
  Eric: Matt, yeah, she hits play.
• 2:35
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 2:35
  Eric: There is not a sound on that audio file.
• 2:40
  Eric: And the spooky part comes in.
• 2:42
  Eric: You can hear the fan in my room, the oscillating fan in the background.
• 2:48
  Eric: So yeah.
• 2:51
  Eric: I I was like, girl, you gotta get the fuck out of this house.
• 2:55
  Matt: So it's not even like the it didn't record or recording.
• 3:00
  Eric: You could hear the ambient sounds of my bedroom and my fan, but you do not hear and a fucking word coming out of my mouth.
• 3:08
  Matt: Now, was this is potentially a rude question.
• 3:12
  Eric: Yeah.
• 3:13
  Matt: Was Alyssa on any sort of hallucinogens or new medication even?
• 3:20
  Eric: No.
• 3:21
  Eric: No, she was she was like stone cold sober.
• 3:26
  Eric: Stone cold sober.
• 3:27
  Eric: We were it was like at like three or four in the morning, because she takes a little bit longer to fall asleep than I do.
• 3:34
  Matt: But yeah.
• 3:35
  Matt: Starting when, by the way.
• 3:37
  Matt: Huh?
• 3:38
  Matt: You said a little bit longer.
• 3:40
  Matt: Starting when?
• 3:41
  Eric: Two?
• 3:42
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:43
  Eric: So I fall asleep around, yeah.
• 3:44
  Eric: I'm an early bird.
• 3:45
  Eric: I go to bed around two.
• 3:46
  Eric: Uh, she'll she'll fall asleep around four or five, crack of dawn.
• 3:50
  Matt: You feel as though going to bed at two constitutes being an early bird.
• 3:55
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 3:56
  Eric: Well, you know, party life.
• 3:57
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:58
  Eric: Sorry, what across the city?
• 3:59
  Eric: What sort of mosh were you in earlier in the evening?
• 4:03
  Eric: I was at a very lovely Halloween party.
• 4:06
  Eric: But yeah, uh, so my girlfriend swears up down.
• 4:09
  Eric: I was speaking the entire time she was recording me.
• 4:11
  Matt: Okay.
• 4:12
  Eric: Not a single sound of it came through, but you could hear the other options.
• 4:15
  Matt: I was just gonna say, why didn't you send me this audio file?
• 4:17
  Matt: We could play it right here.
• 4:18
  Eric: I know.
• 4:19
  Eric: Um, I can send you the clip of silence and uh a fan in the background.
• 4:23
  Matt: If that's well, I don't think we need the silence and the fan in the background.
• 4:27
  Matt: I uh I I mean I I believe you.
• 4:29
  Matt: Whether or not the listeners do, different story.
• 4:31
  Eric: But yeah, I'm just gonna like get out ahead of all this and say, I told my partner in no uncertain terms, as soon as I heard there was silence over that recording, get out of this house.
• 4:42
  Eric: I was like, you you girl, you need to get out.
• 4:43
  Eric: You need to get gone.
• 4:44
  Eric: You're gonna get murdered.
• 4:45
  Eric: Everyone's gonna be.
• 4:46
  Eric: It's also your house.
• 4:47
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 4:50
  Matt: So you all right, so let me get this straight.
• 4:52
  Eric: So you tell her like you should, you should I'm not I wasn't evicting my partner.
• 4:57
  Eric: I was just telling her, you you should get out of here.
• 4:59
  Matt: So Alyssa's been kicked out of the home.
• 5:02
  Matt: Yeah.
• 5:03
  Matt: And and how did you pull it off?
• 5:06
  Matt: Is what I want to know.
• 5:07
  Matt: Like, how did you manage to make her think you were speaking, but in fact remain silent?
• 5:13
  Matt: Because honestly, it's a good tactic.
• 5:15
  Eric: This is some Scooby-Doo shit.
• 5:17
  Eric: This is the modern day Scooby-Doo.
• 5:19
  Eric: You gaslight your partner and thinking you sleep talk, and then somehow convince her you are talking, and then convince her that you were never talking to begin with.
• 5:29
  Matt: I'm really impressed by the effort you went to.
• 5:32
  Matt: I mean, of course, a real man would just break up with her, but no, you chose this methodology.
• 5:39
  Matt: Yeah.
• 5:40
  Matt: And honestly, it's impressive.
• 5:42
  Matt: So, how'd you do it?
• 5:42
  Matt: What how uh how reveal your secrets to me?
• 5:46
  Matt: Reveal your secrets to me, puppet.
• 5:50
  Matt: I'm not, I'm not, I swear to my little ventriloquist dummy.
• 6:20
  Eric: And I didn't murder my girlfriend.
• 6:22
  Eric: My name is Matt.
• 6:23
  Eric: My name is Eric.
• 6:25
  Matt: Whoa, whoa.
• 6:26
  Matt: You one can.
• 6:29
  Matt: It's hard to not say you're lying about that when you were blatantly lying about your name.
• 6:36
  Eric: I mean, if I was gonna frame someone.
• 6:38
  Matt: Oh, you think I am the fall guy for this this crime?
• 6:43
  Eric: They've been doing that podcast for so long, talking about God knows what?
• 6:49
  Eric: God knows what.
• 6:50
  Eric: No one listens to it, so God only knows what is contained in those 77 episodes.
• 6:57
  Eric: God, wouldn't that make such a bitch in like horror movie, though?
• 7:02
  Eric: Like where it's it's it's a serial killer who they discover the serial killer has a podcast where he talks about all the murders he does, but he's not pop like no one, it's just a lost in all the noise of podcasts.
• 7:15
  Matt: It's you've what you've uh done is created the podcasting, the Poughkeepsie Podcast, because this is the basically the Poughkeepsie tapes of Poughkeepsie tapes.
• 7:26
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:27
  Matt: Um, which again, very fucked up movie.
• 7:31
  Matt: Uh, if you're still craving spooky times, you should see it, but it's not so much spooky as it is mentally disturbing.
• 7:39
  Matt: So um, yeah, spooky uh maybe not applicable, but uh nevertheless, good underrated horror movie.
• 7:46
  Eric: Yes, welcome to our Halloween hangover episode.
• 7:49
  Matt: This is absolutely um we really like Halloween.
• 7:54
  Matt: We really do.
• 7:55
  Matt: We do have some interesting questions to get to, of course, but uh last episode we did say that we had a caller on the thought line, and we didn't get to the caller on the thought line.
• 8:07
  Matt: So let's what do you say, Eric?
• 8:08
  Matt: Let's get to that person right now.
• 8:10
  Eric: Lay on, my dude.
• 8:12
  Dairy King XI: Hey, Matt and Eric.
• 8:13
  Dairy King XI: I just wanted to leave you guys with some some wise words for you.
• 8:18
  Dairy King XI: It's uh rare conditions this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page.
• 8:29
  Dairy King XI: Some people think even harder.
• 9:00
  Dairy King XI: I let you guess who I am.
• 9:04
  Dairy King XI: The three clues are the lizard, Carl, and Prime.
• 9:10
  Dairy King XI: Thank you guys.
• 9:11
  Matt: Alright, so there you go.
• 9:13
  Matt: Now, Eric, do you recognize the lyrics that this man just spoke into the phone?
• 9:21
  Matt: Uh to me, it's very obvious.
• 9:23
  Matt: I wasn't sure why he was doing it.
• 9:24
  Eric: I had no doubt it would be obvious to you, Matt.
• 9:27
  Eric: This is my nightmare.
• 9:29
  Eric: Um, I have a terrible ear for lyrics and music knowledge, but let's let's take a spin.
• 9:34
  Eric: I'm gonna guess what show this was from.
• 9:37
  Matt: Yeah, here.
• 9:37
  Matt: If you need me to help you out, maybe um maybe imagine those lyrics being spoken in like a Rod Stewart-esque voice that's not Rod Stewart.
• 9:51
  Eric: Okay.
• 9:52
  Eric: Uh, first note, love that I just finished talking about how I have a terrible ear for lyrics, I have bad music knowledge, and you know I'm god-awful with names, so your immediate touchstone.
• 10:07
  Eric: Hold on a second.
• 10:08
  Eric: And I know I know who Rod Stewart is.
• 10:11
  Matt: I think you think you're making a joke about me, but if your point is like I know who Rod Stewart is, I'm bad with jump out a window to Google.
• 10:20
  unknown: Oh my god.
• 10:21
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 10:22
  Matt: Are you fucking kidding me, Eric?
• 10:25
  Eric: Hold on.
• 10:25
  Eric: Let's see.
• 10:26
  Matt: Forever young.
• 10:28
  Eric: Oh, okay, that guy.
• 10:29
  Matt: Yeah.
• 10:30
  Matt: Jesus Christ.
• 10:32
  Matt: But you know fucking Soul Glow and whatever the fuck.
• 10:36
  Matt: Yes, because they're kick-ass bands.
• 10:39
  Matt: Robert Stewart also seems to be iris.
• 10:41
  Matt: Iris.
• 10:42
  Matt: You didn't even know who he was.
• 10:43
  Eric: I mean, now because now I know he he's forever young.
• 10:47
  Eric: I was like, oh, that oh, Rod Stewart.
• 10:50
  Eric: Okay.
• 10:51
  Matt: Now we're on.
• 10:52
  Matt: If you think I'm sexy, like, what the fuck?
• 10:55
  Matt: Where have you fucking been?
• 10:56
  Matt: And all right, whatever.
• 10:58
  Matt: We we don't need we don't need to attack each other's, I'm gonna say, in quotes, musical preferences.
• 11:05
  Matt: That is not something we need to do.
• 11:07
  Matt: We don't need to open with that.
• 11:10
  Eric: So the song is from so the song is from a he said 70s like sit 90s sitcom?
• 11:17
  Eric: Oh.
• 11:18
  Eric: It's here, I'll help you out a little bit.
• 11:21
  Matt: I apologize.
• 11:22
  Eric: Sing everyone, sing it for me.
• 11:24
  Matt: Sing it for me, Matthew.
• 11:25
  Matt: I'll just give you the opening line because I don't want to get into this, but imagine like a little piano riff, and then it's a rare condition this day and age.
• 11:36
  Matt: Nothing?
• 11:37
  Matt: That didn't do anything for me.
• 11:39
  Eric: Oh, ooh, mmm.
• 11:42
  unknown: Oh my god.
• 11:43
  Eric: Nope.
• 11:44
  Eric: 90s.
• 11:45
  Eric: I'm just gonna I'm gonna spitball.
• 11:46
  Eric: I'm gonna spit.
• 11:49
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 11:49
  Eric: I'm oh wait.
• 11:51
  Eric: Is it Full House?
• 11:52
  unknown: Oh, Jesus Christ.
• 11:54
  Eric: No, Full House took place in San Francisco.
• 11:57
  Eric: What were you about to say, Long Island?
• 11:59
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 12:00
  Eric: I was gonna say LA, then I was like, no, that's San Francisco.
• 12:02
  Matt: It's San Francisco.
• 12:04
  Matt: Oh god.
• 12:05
  Matt: But similar, similar credit feel.
• 12:08
  Matt: It starts zooming in on a house and it ends zooming out on that house.
• 12:12
  Eric: Yeah.
• 12:13
  Eric: Oh fuck.
• 12:15
  Matt: I'll give you another hint.
• 12:17
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:18
  Eric: Feed me, feed me five.
• 12:19
  Matt: Because I don't know if this is good content or not.
• 12:21
  Eric: So God, my mouth is open.
• 12:22
  Eric: Feed me.
• 12:24
  Matt: The show was originally supposed to be about um just the one family involved.
• 12:31
  Matt: And then somehow, some way, a side character became Oh, is this family values?
• 12:38
  Eric: Family values.
• 12:41
  Eric: Okay.
• 12:41
  Matt: Yes, it's the hit show Family Values.
• 12:45
  Matt: Yeah.
• 12:46
  Matt: Not to be confused with family fucking matters.
• 12:49
  Matt: Are you crazy?
• 12:50
  Matt: What nineties did you grow up in?
• 12:53
  Matt: Family values.
• 12:55
  Eric: Sorry.
• 12:56
  Eric: It's family matters.
• 12:57
  Eric: It's family matters, you dummy.
• 13:00
  Eric: Am I screaming into a void when I say I am bad with names?
• 13:06
  Eric: You're bad with names.
• 13:08
  Matt: That's what that's what you're gonna fall back on.
• 13:10
  Matt: So who's the side character I'm talking about?
• 13:12
  Matt: I established who's the side character I'm talking about.
• 13:16
  Matt: I've taken off my pop filter.
• 13:18
  Matt: Who is the side character?
• 13:19
  Matt: It's Urkel.
• 13:20
  Eric: It's fucking Urkel.
• 13:21
  Matt: Jesus God.
• 13:22
  Matt: All right.
• 13:22
  Eric: At least Defan Urkel.
• 13:26
  Matt: Yes.
• 13:26
  Matt: Yes.
• 13:27
  Matt: At least you know Steve Urkel.
• 13:30
  Matt: Okay, great.
• 13:36
  unknown: Okay.
• 13:38
  Matt: Sorry.
• 13:38
  Eric: I'm just I'm just getting a hold of you.
• 13:40
  Eric: I'm with like I cannot, I can't stress enough to you all that this is not a bit.
• 13:46
  Eric: Matt is is I I am unfathomable to one of my best friends.
• 13:52
  Matt: I'm just calming myself so we may continue at a relaxed after the clipping sesh I just gave by screaming into my microphone.
• 14:04
  Eric: This is this is also true.
• 14:06
  Matt: Uh I have to get we have to guess who who and I'm afraid I'm at a disadvantage because um this person has called the thought line before, and unknown to him when he did this bit, I did save his number.
• 14:22
  Matt: So I actually do know the the identity of this person.
• 14:26
  Matt: But again, he gave you, Eric, some hints.
• 14:30
  Matt: The three clues he left were Blizzard, Charles, and Prime.
• 14:35
  Eric: Blizzard, Charles, and Prime.
• 14:39
  Matt: Yes.
• 14:41
  Matt: I I see what he's going for.
• 14:43
  Matt: It's honestly, if I could give this person a little bit of feedback, a little bit confusing, but I do I do get who he's talking about.
• 14:53
  Eric: Okay.
• 14:55
  Matt: This is fun.
• 14:55
  Matt: This is a double guessing game for Eric.
• 14:57
  Matt: This is fun.
• 14:57
  Matt: This is fun.
• 15:00
  Eric: This is great.
• 15:01
  Eric: Again, so the so I'm the only one guessing here.
• 15:06
  Eric: Me, the one who is as previously established, not so great with names.
• 15:13
  Eric: Let's fucking do this.
• 15:14
  Eric: Eric.
• 15:15
  Eric: Is it I'm gonna spitball?
• 15:17
  Eric: I'm gonna fucking spitball.
• 15:18
  Eric: I'm gonna disregard the clues entirely.
• 15:23
  Eric: Okay.
• 15:23
  Eric: I'm gonna drive them from my mind.
• 15:25
  Eric: I think they're weighing, they're shackling me down.
• 15:27
  Eric: That wasn't the that wasn't the deep sexy voice of Zachy D.
• 15:31
  Eric: I could get his voice out of a lineup any day.
• 15:35
  Eric: Um even though you're bad with names.
• 15:38
  Eric: Yes.
• 15:39
  Eric: Was it Dairy King 11?
• 15:41
  Matt: It was Eric Erica, Dairy King Eleven.
• 15:45
  Matt: Well, Tilda the King, baby.
• 15:47
  Eric: Okay, because then the then I got I get it now.
• 15:49
  Eric: The clues actually did come in collect because 11's a prime number.
• 15:53
  Eric: Prime, yes.
• 15:54
  Eric: Yeah, uh Charles is a king, and Blizzard is you can get a Dairy Queen.
• 15:59
  Eric: That is very good, Dairy King.
• 16:01
  Eric: Very good.
• 16:03
  Eric: Very good.
• 16:04
  Matt: Um Eric is sweating.
• 16:07
  Matt: Of course, we will be ending this episode with the the second half of round one of Google Gripes, in which you will be quizzing me.
• 16:16
  Matt: So, you know, in a way, it's appropriate.
• 16:18
  Matt: We start and we finish.
• 16:20
  Eric: God, yes.
• 16:21
  Matt: So, but before we get there, Eric, we should get into some questions.
• 16:25
  Matt: What's this gonna be some burning materials?
• 16:28
  Matt: And maybe just to finish off the Halloween hangover, as you put it, um, we have in the queue right now, it's not so much a question so much as it is a statement.
• 16:39
  Matt: It just says left Twix versus right twicks.
• 16:44
  Matt: God.
• 16:44
  Matt: Eric, um, where do you even want to start with this?
• 16:48
  Matt: Because again, this is just something we wrote down at one point.
• 16:52
  Matt: Uh it doesn't come from anyone else's brain.
• 16:54
  Matt: I think that's obvious.
• 16:55
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:55
  Eric: We just kind of fever dreamed this one.
• 16:58
  Matt: Um yeah.
• 16:59
  Matt: So left Twix versus right Twix.
• 17:01
  Matt: Now, Eric, I have to say I've done a little bit of research on the matter.
• 17:05
  Matt: Okay.
• 17:06
  Matt: Because it was always my belief that one of the Twixes had more caramel and the other one had more cookie.
• 17:16
  Matt: And that was the difference between left Twix and Right Twix.
• 17:20
  Eric: Now, may I ask, yes, what led you to believe this?
• 17:24
  Eric: Was it just kind of that that that's I just always assumed?
• 17:28
  Matt: I think it's no, I think it's been put out there in popular culture that that's a thing.
• 17:33
  Matt: Okay.
• 17:33
  Matt: But the Left Twix Right Twix ad campaign has highlighted the actual truth that there is technically no difference physically between the left twicks and the right twigs.
• 17:49
  Matt: It is in fact all a fun marketing joke slash ploy.
• 17:53
  Eric: Oh, Matthew, I I I shouldn't be surprised that that you fell for the What excuse me?
• 18:00
  Eric: Matthew, you you are a scholar, are you not?
• 18:04
  Matt: I I I don't know really that I am.
• 18:08
  Matt: I've got an undergraduate degree, and that's about it.
• 18:11
  Eric: You were you are a seeker of of of knowledge.
• 18:14
  Eric: You with your I'm a seeker of knowledge.
• 18:16
  Eric: Sure, I'm a seeker of knowledge.
• 18:18
  Eric: Your books, your tomes of knowledge, your Wikipedia, please donate today.
• 18:23
  Eric: Yes.
• 18:24
  Eric: You your facts and figures and your objective realities.
• 18:29
  Eric: Where are you going with this, bud?
• 18:31
  Eric: Matthew, this isn't a question for a scholar.
• 18:35
  Eric: Matt, we were asked re left twicks versus right twicks.
• 18:38
  Eric: Again, we weren't, actually.
• 18:40
  Eric: But yes, we asked.
• 18:41
  Eric: And it's also not a question.
• 18:43
  Eric: It Matt, there you go again, with your facts and your and your your left side of the brain.
• 18:50
  Matt: Man, you really are spinning those wheels, huh?
• 18:53
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:53
  Matt: I can't think of a goddamn thing to say.
• 18:56
  Eric: No.
• 18:57
  Eric: Matt, in any given pack of Twix, yes.
• 19:01
  Eric: There is a a left Twix and a right Twix.
• 19:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 19:05
  Matt: One of these Twix.
• 19:06
  Matt: Or Twix is if you go with the king size four pack.
• 19:09
  Matt: Is it Twixes or is it just still Twix?
• 19:11
  Matt: Just Twix.
• 19:11
  Matt: Is the plural of Twix just Twix?
• 19:13
  Matt: Oh yeah, the Twix.
• 19:15
  Eric: Betwix.
• 19:16
  Eric: Betwixt.
• 19:17
  Eric: Betwixt the Twix.
• 19:18
  Eric: Betwixt the Twix.
• 19:20
  Eric: I t I twix.
• 19:23
  Matt: Um just walked, right?
• 19:27
  Matt: I literally saw on your face that you just walked away from whatever joke you were constructing.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: You just abandoned it.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you gotta cut bait.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you gotta cut bait.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I'll tell you what, I'm not cutting that.
• 19:45
  Matt: I'm not cutting that.
• 19:46
  Eric: That's staying firmly in the edit.
• 19:48
  Eric: But let me hit you with this.
• 19:53
  Eric: Okay.
• 19:53
  Eric: So you're let let's let's let let me speak to this to this scientific mind that I see before me, the one that that quotes to me, technically there is no difference between the two Twix.
• 20:04
  Eric: Let me ask you something.
• 20:06
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 20:06
  Eric: In a vacuum, uh-huh.
• 20:08
  Eric: If I take if if you take any random pack of Twix off the conveyor belt at the Twix factory.
• 20:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 20:16
  Eric: And you open it up, there will be two Twix inside.
• 20:19
  Eric: Yes.
• 20:20
  Eric: Objectively, one of them is going to have has to, by the laws of our universe, one of them is going to have more Twix in it.
• 20:30
  Eric: Like it's going to have more chocolate caramel cookie than the other.
• 20:33
  Eric: Like one of them, like, they can't both have the exact same amounts of everything.
• 20:36
  Eric: One of them is going to make like be a little a little more than the other one.
• 20:41
  Eric: Is that fair?
• 20:42
  Eric: Is that a fair assessment?
• 20:44
  Matt: Honestly, I'm not sure it is.
• 20:45
  Matt: You're saying one will like taste more Twixy than the next?
• 20:50
  Eric: No, one will just have more Twix components in it.
• 20:55
  Eric: Like, like one of them will beat the other in some capacity.
• 21:00
  Eric: They can't both have the exact same down-to-the-molecule amount of chocolate.
• 21:05
  Eric: They cannot have the same exact down-to-the-molecule amount of caramel, so on so forth for cookie and such.
• 21:11
  Eric: One of them has to, even if it's by the most infinitesimal amount, one of them is more than the other one.
• 21:17
  Eric: One of them is bigger than the other one.
• 21:18
  Eric: I don't think that's true.
• 21:21
  Eric: Matt, I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying.
• 21:23
  Eric: If I took two pennies from the United States mint minted on the same day on the same machine, one of them on the molecular level will be slightly bigger than the other one.
• 21:38
  Eric: That's what I'm saying with Twix.
• 21:39
  Eric: So I'm gonna keep it simple.
• 21:40
  Eric: One of those Twicks in any given pack of Twicks is going to be just ever so slightly bigger.
• 21:48
  Eric: Therefore, I don't think it's controversial to argue better than the other one.
• 21:53
  Eric: Is this fair?
• 21:54
  Matt: I'm not a hundred percent sure that it is fair because bigger is not always better.
• 22:00
  Matt: Better necessarily, depending on what you get.
• 22:03
  Matt: That could be indicating a presence of extra, one extra component, either a too wide base cookie, too much caramel, and it's so it's it's loaded up and bubbling in one direction, an overbalance of chocolate, and now you don't have the proper ratios of a Twix.
• 22:23
  Matt: But before you get any further, I do want to say that I found this article from NBC 5 in Chicago from October 22nd, 2022.
• 22:33
  Matt: According to Twix themselves, left Twix is described, are you listening?
• 22:37
  Matt: Yes.
• 22:38
  Matt: As a smooth, as smooth caramel on top of a crunchy cookie that is enveloped in creamy chocolate.
• 22:45
  Matt: Enveloped, go on.
• 22:47
  Matt: What did I say?
• 22:48
  Matt: Enveloped.
• 22:49
  Matt: Oh my God.
• 22:50
  Matt: I think I've done that before on this podcast.
• 22:52
  Matt: I do it all the time in my head.
• 22:55
  Matt: As for the right Twix, the candy is described as chewy caramel or caramel on top of a crisp cookie cloaked in velvety chocolate.
• 23:06
  Matt: Do you need me to say those again?
• 23:08
  Matt: Because they are remarkably similar.
• 23:10
  Eric: They are remarkably similar.
• 23:11
  Eric: They are remarkably similar.
• 23:13
  Matt: Left Twix, smooth caramel on top of a crunchy cookie that is enveloped in creamy chocolate.
• 23:21
  Eric: Yep.
• 23:22
  Matt: Right Twix is chewy caramel on top of a crisp cookie.
• 23:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:28
  Matt: Cloaked in velvety chocolate.
• 23:30
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:31
  Eric: They're getting real cute.
• 23:32
  Eric: They're getting real carrying.
• 23:32
  Eric: They're getting real cute.
• 23:33
  Eric: They're getting real cute.
• 23:34
  Matt: They're getting real cute.
• 23:35
  Matt: But there is a difference.
• 23:37
  Matt: Okay.
• 23:38
  Matt: Velvety chocolate, it creamy chocolate, those are the same.
• 23:41
  Matt: Cool.
• 23:42
  Matt: Crunchy cookie, crisp cookie, those are the same.
• 23:45
  Matt: Smooth caramel versus chewy caramel.
• 23:50
  Eric: That is a that is a marked difference.
• 23:53
  Eric: That's a difference.
• 23:54
  Matt: Now we are, of course, doing this speaks to how well this show is planned.
• 23:59
  Matt: We are doing this show without Twix's, again, Twix being present.
• 24:05
  Eric: Yeah, we are once again sh just shilling so fucking hard for a company that has not given us a cent.
• 24:14
  Matt: No, but I'm saying in in a professional podcast, um, we might have a pack of Twix, uh, each ourselves.
• 24:22
  Matt: Yes.
• 24:22
  Matt: And do a cross-section, do some scientific analysis.
• 24:26
  Matt: Get some beakers and test tubes in there, one of those little s spirally, drippy things.
• 24:31
  Matt: And if that's of interest to people, maybe we will do that.
• 24:34
  Matt: But you know, um here we are.
• 24:37
  Matt: Um so now, of course, I went to where I think we can really get some answers, and that is, of course, Reddit.
• 24:44
  Matt: Um, this person says they're completely identical.
• 24:46
  Matt: It's just an advertising campaign, which is of course what I said earlier.
• 24:50
  Matt: But this person responded with wrong.
• 24:53
  Matt: Left Twix is clearly superior with us smooth chocolate flowed over creamy caramel and crunchy cookie.
• 25:01
  Matt: Now, that is immediately followed by hawk mona matata.
• 25:09
  Matt: Uh saying Hakuna matata, or did they spell it weird?
• 25:13
  Matt: They spelled it weird.
• 25:14
  Eric: Oh, they were clear.
• 25:14
  Matt: Hawk Muna matata.
• 25:16
  Matt: Um, bullshit.
• 25:20
  Matt: Right Twix is better in every way, with rich chocolate layered over smooth caramel and a crunchy cookie.
• 25:26
  Matt: You see what they're doing.
• 25:27
  Matt: Yeah, you see what they're doing.
• 25:28
  Eric: Everyone's getting real fucking cute.
• 25:30
  Eric: Everybody's getting real fucking cute, and we're trying to get answers to the people.
• 25:34
  Eric: This is where I'd like to circle back to my previous.
• 25:36
  Eric: So, Matt, I I I realized a flaw in my previous methodology in trying to educate you, and that was I I was still linking this to objective taste.
• 25:46
  Eric: So let me let me rewind a little bit.
• 25:47
  Eric: So let's just go back to we agree that no matter what, when those twicks come out of the conveyor belt and they're put in their little packaging, one of them is going to be bigger than the other one.
• 25:58
  Eric: Can we agree?
• 25:58
  Eric: No, no, it's like I don't know that's an objective truth.
• 26:02
  Eric: I it has to be because there's no such there is no fucking universe in which two Twicks will come out of the machine molecularly identical.
• 26:14
  Eric: Not molecularly, but size.
• 26:17
  Eric: But okay, let me put it this way wait, one of them will have to weigh more than the other one.
• 26:22
  Eric: Eric, take a look at this screen that you have.
• 26:25
  Eric: Do you see me with a food scale right now?
• 26:28
  Eric: Mateo.
• 26:29
  Eric: Mateo.
• 26:29
  Eric: My guy.
• 26:31
  Eric: Matthias Matthew.
• 26:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 26:33
  Eric: Take my hand.
• 26:34
  Eric: Walk with me here.
• 26:35
  Eric: But you agree though, if we take any, if we have a if we have like the nicest scale on earth and we put like fucking two uh Twix each on them on that scale, one of them will have to be.
• 26:47
  Eric: I see what you're driving at.
• 26:48
  Eric: They're not gonna be identical.
• 26:49
  Eric: They're not gonna be identical.
• 26:51
  Eric: Now, this will be true for every pack of Twix in existence.
• 26:55
  Eric: What will also be true is if we are viewing the Twix, the Twix candy package, let's assume for this experiment we're looking at it the same orientation each time.
• 27:06
  Eric: So the word Twix is going that, you know, that was gonna be my question.
• 27:10
  Eric: T is at the top, X is at the bottom.
• 27:12
  Eric: We're not we're not monsters.
• 27:14
  Eric: That is the orientation of a package of Twix.
• 27:17
  Eric: You mean when you're opening that?
• 27:18
  Eric: I mean When you're opening, when you're holding, like that will define what is left Twix and right Twix.
• 27:24
  Eric: Yes, I mean to the left of the T, to the right of the T.
• 27:27
  Eric: Yeah, I was gonna say, so you open but you open it on what end?
• 27:32
  Eric: Oh, you open it at the top.
• 27:33
  Eric: You open it up.
• 27:34
  Eric: You open it that shit at the T because you're not a fucking animal.
• 27:37
  Eric: Yeah, but it's facing you.
• 27:38
  Eric: So it's facing you.
• 27:39
  Eric: Yep, facing you, Twix.
• 27:41
  Eric: So then T at the top is isn't isn't T at the bottom then?
• 27:46
  Eric: No.
• 27:47
  Eric: T at the top.
• 27:48
  Eric: Let me look at a package of Twix real quick.
• 27:50
  Eric: Hold on.
• 27:51
  Eric: I'm not like you would read it the same way you would read oh well now, hold on.
• 27:54
  Eric: Now I'm saying I'm I'm imagining.
• 27:57
  Matt: When you're looking at a package of Twix and it just says Twix like a normal human reads things.
• 28:02
  Matt: You then you then grab the right side, which is to say the X side, yep, and open it from that side.
• 28:11
  Matt: Because you don't dangle it.
• 28:13
  Matt: I know what you don't do.
• 28:14
  Eric: You don't dangle it in the air and and pull it apart.
• 28:17
  Eric: Now I see where the confusion is.
• 28:19
  Eric: I'm not talking about a horizontal orientation.
• 28:21
  Eric: I'm talking vertical.
• 28:23
  Eric: Yes, I understand that.
• 28:24
  Matt: But what I'm saying is so you open it T side up in a vertical orientation and you do what?
• 28:31
  Matt: You peel it from the top down.
• 28:34
  Eric: My fucking Twix.
• 28:35
  Eric: I peel it.
• 28:35
  Matt: I don't think that, Eric, I don't think that is the most common way of opening a Twix.
• 28:40
  Matt: We'll we'll get to that though.
• 28:41
  Matt: We'll we'll get to that.
• 28:43
  Matt: I see when I open a Twix, I think I do the following, okay?
• 28:47
  Matt: Because I'm right-handed.
• 28:49
  Matt: Yes.
• 28:49
  Matt: So I grab the Twix, I'm looking at it, it says Twix normally.
• 28:52
  Matt: I'm opening it from the X side because that's the right side.
• 28:57
  Matt: Okay, the X side.
• 28:58
  Matt: And so now so now if you're looking at it vertically or uh horizontally, if you're looking at the way it says Twix, the way it'd be presented to you in a checkout counter, the bottom Twix is the left Twix when I open it.
• 29:13
  Eric: Yes, I that I agree with you.
• 29:14
  Eric: We are on the same page.
• 29:16
  Eric: We are on the same page.
• 29:17
  Matt: I am shocked at how we got to the same page, but I accept it.
• 29:20
  Eric: Um I think we remove it from the package.
• 29:22
  Eric: Irrelevant.
• 29:23
  Eric: We're on the same page.
• 29:24
  Eric: We have established we have established orientation.
• 29:28
  Eric: So we know we know what left Twix is.
• 29:30
  Eric: Bottom Twix is left twicks.
• 29:31
  Eric: And we have established that one of these Twix has to be heavier than the other one.
• 29:36
  Eric: Sure.
• 29:37
  Eric: So that means, again, this is purely theoretical.
• 29:42
  Eric: That means that if you took every package of Twix on the planet and using that, this is left, this is right orientation and weighed every individual Twix, like every package to see, you know, one of them weighs more than the other, it's probably fairly random.
• 30:00
  Eric: But one of them will come out ahead.
• 30:04
  Eric: One of them will have, on average, the heavier Twix on one side of the package.
• 30:10
  Eric: It has to.
• 30:11
  Eric: There, they're I guess.
• 30:12
  Eric: There is an inf there's an infinitesimal chance that somehow it is completely perfectly split between all of them, and we opened an even number of them.
• 30:20
  Matt: I actually think that'd be more common.
• 30:22
  Matt: And if it's not, that points to a flaw in the Twix machinery.
• 30:27
  Eric: It does mean there is an objective measure, there's an objective measurement that we can measure these things to, and one of them will win.
• 30:38
  Matt: I disagree.
• 30:39
  Matt: And here's why I disagree.
• 30:41
  Matt: Okay.
• 30:42
  Matt: Let's say because of my point of the components, that points to one of the components being off.
• 30:48
  Matt: Either too much chocolate, too much caramel.
• 30:50
  Eric: Yeah.
• 30:51
  Eric: Can I I'm sorry, can I speak?
• 30:53
  Matt: Yes, sorry.
• 30:53
  Eric: I didn't mean to interrupt your interruption.
• 30:55
  Matt: Go on.
• 30:56
  Matt: Interruption?
• 30:57
  Matt: You were okay, fine.
• 30:58
  Matt: No, you go on if I interrupted you.
• 31:00
  Matt: Finish your what I was going to say, Matt.
• 31:04
  Eric: Yeah.
• 31:05
  Eric: Is that I that's why I'm saying removing the objective.
• 31:08
  Eric: Don't I don't let's remove bigger Twix means it's better.
• 31:12
  Eric: Let's completely remove that.
• 31:14
  Eric: I'm just focusing on there is a metric.
• 31:18
  Eric: Because it doesn't say is right twicks better than left twigs.
• 31:22
  Eric: It doesn't say is right twicks tastier subjectively than left twigs.
• 31:26
  Eric: I see.
• 31:26
  Eric: I see what you're doing.
• 31:27
  Eric: Right twicks versus left twicks.
• 31:30
  Eric: And in a verses, that means there is a measurement.
• 31:33
  Matt: So we're just we're coming up with the difference.
• 31:36
  Eric: There is a difference, there is a measurement by which they may be judged, and one of them statistically has to beat the other one.
• 31:46
  Matt: Has to.
• 31:47
  Matt: Okay, now, Eric, let me let me jump in to say I think you might be thinking about this almost too scientifically, and maybe not not thinking about it from a personal experience level.
• 32:01
  Eric: Oh my God, I've become everything I hate.
• 32:03
  Eric: I've become everything I despise.
• 32:05
  Eric: I'm I oh god, now now I'm scully.
• 32:08
  Matt: You uh what I'm saying is, Eric, when you okay Let me let's let's put that aside for a minute.
• 32:15
  Matt: I understand your point.
• 32:16
  Eric: Oh, thank you.
• 32:16
  Matt: Thank you.
• 32:17
  Matt: One uh they're not gonna be the same, one of them will be heavier in some capacity, and that is a difference.
• 32:23
  Matt: Let's say that's a difference.
• 32:25
  Matt: A difference.
• 32:26
  Matt: Okay, so if we're just saying the differences between left twicks and right twigs, that's a difference.
• 32:30
  Matt: Okay.
• 32:30
  Matt: Theoretically.
• 32:31
  Matt: Theoretically.
• 32:32
  Matt: Theoretically.
• 32:34
  Matt: To shift gears a little bit, I'd like to ask you a question.
• 32:37
  Matt: Oh, when you when you open the Twix, there you have your Twixes in front of you, left Twix and right twist.
• 32:43
  Matt: Yes.
• 32:44
  Matt: Which Twix do you eat first?
• 32:47
  Eric: Now this is now this is crucial.
• 32:48
  Eric: When you open your Twix, we both open from the X end.
• 32:52
  Eric: Do you do the tear or the the parting open?
• 32:58
  Matt: Do you know what I mean?
• 32:59
  Matt: It depends if I intend to eat both Twix immediately.
• 33:02
  Eric: I oh ooh, that okay.
• 33:04
  Eric: Now we're on new ground.
• 33:05
  Eric: I don't know about you.
• 33:06
  Eric: When I get a Twix, I intend to eat both of them.
• 33:10
  Matt: Sometimes I put one away.
• 33:12
  Eric: Sometimes put one away, and that is fair.
• 33:13
  Eric: I will sometimes that is what you nine times out of ten, I eat them both.
• 33:19
  Eric: What you do with your Twix once you open them, that is between you, your barber, and God.
• 33:24
  Eric: Yes.
• 33:24
  Eric: Um, but so so I don't have a barber, but sure.
• 33:28
  Eric: But let's assume for the sake of this discussion that we plan on eating both of them.
• 33:32
  Eric: Yeah, I got I I do the tear because I'm impatient, and the tear favors the right twicks.
• 33:42
  Eric: It does like it it expose if I'm tearing with my right hand, it is the right side twicks that I will that I will be taking.
• 33:48
  Matt: I'll do a pull open.
• 33:50
  Matt: Yep.
• 33:50
  Matt: Like pull open the seam, so we've got an open end, like a chip bag.
• 33:55
  Eric: Yep.
• 33:55
  Matt: And then I usually pop out the left twicks, the right twix will fall into position to then be popped out secondarily.
• 34:05
  Eric: Okay, okay.
• 34:06
  Matt: Uh that is normally my methodology.
• 34:08
  Eric: See, I do the tear because then I can pull one of them from it like a sheath, and then I forget that like I'm eating my Twix, and then I'm like, oh, I think there might still be, and I like to tilt my package over, and then a little Twix fall out.
• 34:20
  Eric: Second Twix! Like I didn't know it was there or something.
• 34:23
  Matt: Did you do you think when okay, so you've done that, you've eaten the Twix.
• 34:28
  Matt: How do you feel?
• 34:29
  Matt: What comes to you in your experience of eating Twix?
• 34:33
  Eric: I'm gonna be I'm gonna be very vulnerable right now.
• 34:35
  Eric: I'm gonna be very honest about this.
• 34:37
  Eric: This is a safe space.
• 34:38
  Eric: And I'll preface this with I like Twix.
• 34:41
  Eric: Sure.
• 34:42
  Eric: I eat my first Twix.
• 34:44
  Eric: I'm like, ooh, okay, I want more Twix.
• 34:46
  Eric: I eat And that's the left Twix.
• 34:48
  Eric: And that and yeah, yes.
• 34:50
  Eric: Um I eat my second Twix.
• 34:54
  Eric: Too much Twix.
• 34:55
  Eric: You think?
• 34:56
  Eric: I think.
• 34:57
  Eric: I like usually by the end of it I was like, ooh, man, I think I really only needed one and a half of those.
• 35:03
  Eric: And then I've eaten the whole thing.
• 35:04
  Eric: I'm like, oh god, that might have been too much Twix.
• 35:06
  Eric: Now, when it's like a fun size, like Halloween Twix, I'll fucking destroy that all day.
• 35:11
  Matt: Well, I and I think I kind of can speak to that a little bit.
• 35:14
  Matt: Like, I think I hear your point because I feel like when I bite into a Twix, you know, it because it has that cookie in there, it's not necessarily your typical checkout chocolate bar.
• 35:26
  Matt: It's not a three musketeers or a Snickers or any, you know, of the more or less chocolate, totally chocolate-based chocolate bars.
• 35:37
  Matt: It's really two bars, first of all.
• 35:40
  Matt: There's there's that factor.
• 35:41
  Matt: There's two very opposing rivals within that packet.
• 35:46
  Matt: Yeah.
• 35:47
  Matt: Right.
• 35:47
  Matt: Uh as opposed to everything else, which is like one and done, a like a unified system of chocolate and nougat and whatever else you might be having in your individual chocolatey treat.
• 35:57
  Matt: But when you take a Twix, starting with the left Twix, it does feel like it's trying to do something.
• 36:03
  Matt: It's trying to elevate, trying to progress to a different plane, trying to move the candy game forward, improve it.
• 36:13
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 36:14
  Eric: Yeah, it's trying to put more agency in the hand of the consumer, which I do.
• 36:19
  Eric: 100% it is.
• 36:20
  Eric: Like, uh, but at the same time, it's almost a burden they put on us.
• 36:23
  Eric: They're like, hey, look, we just packaged it.
• 36:26
  Eric: What you do from here on out, that's on you.
• 36:29
  Eric: And that's true of anything you buy, but with Twix, it's deliberate.
• 36:33
  Matt: Well, that's Hershey in general.
• 36:35
  Matt: Now you're talking about.
• 36:36
  Matt: You're talking about Hershey is saying, like, what you we've provided you the system of Twix and how you are going to interact with it, that's up to you, the consumer.
• 36:46
  Matt: Correct.
• 36:47
  Eric: We've given you the OS, mod it how you see fit.
• 36:51
  Matt: Right.
• 36:51
  Matt: So what I'm saying is when you get what you actually, what I'm saying, you're saying is by the time you get to the right Twix, when you bite into a right Twix, you almost feel a little bit like this is really just the same old problem being rehashed.
• 37:08
  Matt: I don't feel like we're breaking new ground.
• 37:10
  Matt: I feel like you're sort of telling me, hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
• 37:14
  Matt: But the thing is, it's kind of broke.
• 37:17
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 37:18
  Eric: It is broke because we Twixed it.
• 37:20
  Matt: Yes, and no, but uh because you it isn't it isn't necessarily broke, but it it's stale for you because you you don't sense progress, no?
• 37:32
  Eric: No, it almost feels like we're going back to square one.
• 37:34
  Eric: It's like it's almost feels like we're going back to square square square side.
• 37:36
  Eric: I've had this experience.
• 37:37
  Eric: Oh, now I'm gonna have the exact and I think that's why I'm left like by the end of the second Twix, I'm like, ah, did I really need that second Twix?
• 37:43
  Matt: Like Did I really need the second Twix?
• 37:46
  Matt: It's a good idea to I want to say elect to take the right Twix when I could have just stayed with the left Twix.
• 37:54
  Eric: Can I say something potentially controversial?
• 37:56
  Eric: Sure, go for it.
• 37:58
  Eric: I honestly think I would enjoy Twix more if they just gave me one big dummy thick Twix.
• 38:04
  Eric: One dummy thick Twix.
• 38:06
  Eric: One dummy thick Twix.
• 38:07
  Matt: Like a traditional candy bar.
• 38:08
  Eric: Like a traditional candy bar.
• 38:10
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely.
• 38:11
  Matt: I think I think I'd be interested in having the jumbo twix.
• 38:14
  Eric: Then I'd be getting flavor blasted on each one.
• 38:17
  Eric: Because like with the current Twix meta, I I get like ooh, I get like little oh, little flashes of all these flavors.
• 38:24
  Eric: It's a very thin bar, and there's you know, nothing wrong with that.
• 38:27
  Matt: But if I So you don't think necessarily there'd be something to having uh instead of one Twix or two Twix, more than just a two Twix system.
• 38:38
  Matt: You don't think there's something like if there were, say, I don't know, like a green Twix involved, you don't think that'd be of benefit to the to the Twix discourse.
• 38:48
  Eric: That that's that's how you start fucking holy wars over food, man.
• 38:52
  Eric: Like it would like just look at the MMs.
• 38:56
  Eric: Look, look at that fucking battlefield that is MMs, and now you're bringing that into Twix.
• 39:02
  Eric: Twix Twix kind of plays it cool.
• 39:04
  Eric: Twix kind of plays it like Switzerland in a way, because they're very like, no, you don't have to choose sides, but there are sides to choose.
• 39:12
  Eric: I'm like, what the fuck, Twix?
• 39:14
  Matt: No, I I don't think that's Switzerland.
• 39:16
  Matt: I think when you're suggesting having one unified norm, like Twix baseline.
• 39:23
  Eric: No uh a unified Twix, I think would be pretty benefit.
• 39:28
  Eric: I I think a unified Twix, or if they really just wanted to piss people off, do what I said make the dummy thick Twix, but instead of two narrow bars, it's just two thick squares back to back instead of side by side.
• 39:41
  Eric: Say that again.
• 39:42
  Eric: Two so so right now, so like normal Twix is Twix one, Twix two.
• 39:48
  Eric: And remember when I proposed the dummy thick Twix?
• 39:50
  Eric: So it's like that's what they were talking about.
• 39:52
  Matt: So two of those, but like dummy thick ones.
• 39:57
  Eric: Yeah, so initially, my initial pitch was just one unified long dummy thick Twix, but I was like, if you want to piss people off, you could make it still two separate pieces, just have okay, yeah, but chocolated together.
• 40:09
  Eric: Uh no, but it it would be like um are you familiar with the take five?
• 40:14
  Matt: Yeah, oh yeah, we've talked about the take five extensively on this podcast.
• 40:17
  Matt: Again, I wish you'd remember something with that.
• 40:20
  Eric: But two of those ass-to-ass.
• 40:24
  Matt: Um almost I'd I'd actually challenge your take five example and say that uh the shape that I'm picturing, knowing the contents of a Twix, uh, lends itself more to a fast break.
• 40:35
  Eric: Uh agreed.
• 40:36
  Eric: Agreed.
• 40:36
  Eric: Sorry.
• 40:37
  Eric: Okay, so you got two fast break size Twixes.
• 40:40
  Eric: Yeah, but instead of being side by side because they're dummy thick and they're wide, they're one on top of the other.
• 40:45
  Eric: I think that I think that would start like riots.
• 40:49
  Matt: Well, yeah, so what because what you're talking about is just doubling down on these two Twix system.
• 40:54
  Matt: If think if they had an ounce of the water, reinforcing them.
• 40:57
  Eric: They should just they should just make it clear we're going all in.
• 41:00
  Matt: We're all but that doesn't do anything to talking about what is the difference between these.
• 41:04
  Matt: What I'm saying to you is I think what you're saying to me is when you start having a Twix, you you realize that the left Twix is trying to tell you a path forward.
• 41:17
  Matt: You don't need to be your average candy bar, you can be better.
• 41:20
  Matt: There are ways to improve it.
• 41:22
  Matt: We don't have to just stick with this the the same system that the founding candy people uh put out there.
• 41:29
  Matt: I'm with you.
• 41:30
  Matt: I'm with you.
• 41:31
  Matt: But the right Twix is saying, no, no, no, stay the course, nothing should change.
• 41:36
  Matt: Let's make things awful.
• 41:39
  Matt: Eat this again, eat this again, eat this again.
• 41:42
  Matt: And you, in fact, I'm gonna go so far as to say it wants you to have no choice in the matter.
• 41:47
  Eric: Because you have to do something with it.
• 41:49
  Eric: Like you have to do something.
• 41:51
  Eric: Even if you're like, I only want one twig, they're like, well, now you have a burden.
• 41:55
  Eric: Yeah.
• 41:56
  Eric: And like, and and and maybe, maybe we're being a little too harsh on Twix.
• 42:00
  Eric: Maybe that's the dynamic that introduces hey, share it with somebody.
• 42:04
  Eric: Because at that point, you're like, hey, does anyone because I've been in that situation where many a time I've eaten the Twix and I'm like, ooh, I've got my Twix hit.
• 42:10
  Eric: I don't want the second one.
• 42:11
  Eric: Hey, anyone want the other half of a Twix?
• 42:14
  Eric: And like it becomes a an opportunity for community.
• 42:19
  Matt: Well, I don't think I think it does and it doesn't, because I think when you start But again, it's put on me.
• 42:24
  Matt: But no, no, no.
• 42:24
  Matt: When you start fracturing the two Twixes, not creating separate Twix, but fracturing the Twix.
• 42:32
  Matt: Now you've got like the left Twixes and the right Twixes, they're split in two, so you've sort of got like a what I'll call far right Twix and a far left Twix.
• 42:41
  Matt: Yes.
• 42:41
  Matt: By the time you get to the far right Twix, they're really out of control, don't you think?
• 42:46
  Matt: Yeah, they're a little, they're they're zealotry of the right Twix.
• 42:51
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 42:52
  Matt: They're there you're doubling down so hard at that point.
• 42:56
  Eric: Matt, it is like 30 minutes into this, and I just got the bit.
• 43:01
  Eric: You fucking knew that you didn't get the bit.
• 43:03
  Eric: I thought we were on the same page.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I surely he understands what I'm trying to do.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: But no, it took me half an hour.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: It took half an hour of me to get you to realize what joke I'm making.
• 43:14
  Eric: You were making such a bit, and I was the audience has been screaming.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_01: We get it, Matt.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_01: Stop it.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm looking at becoming and I can see everything that you're saying, and none of it's aligning with what I'm trying to get to.
• 43:30
  Eric: God, I thought I was losing my fucking mind.
• 43:34
  Eric: I don't know how much clearer I could have made it.
• 43:38
  Matt: Ooh boy.
• 43:39
  Matt: I I just I the the level No, yeah.
• 43:43
  Matt: I'm just I'm just glad I didn't underestimate you in seeing your face and being like, he doesn't get it.
• 43:50
  Matt: Two things.
• 43:51
  Matt: Two things, Matt, that to close this.
• 43:53
  Eric: We are not on the same page.
• 43:54
  Eric: Two things.
• 43:55
  Eric: Thing number one uh uh well played, that's entirely on me.
• 44:00
  Eric: Because you were laying it on very thick.
• 44:03
  Eric: Thick as that caramel, baby.
• 44:05
  Eric: Second thing, you can go fuck.
• 44:08
  Eric: You can go fuck yourself, you can go fuck.
• 44:12
  Matt: And you know what?
• 44:13
  Matt: That's fair.
• 44:15
  Eric: Next question.
• 44:16
  Eric: Yeah, let's just let's just cut bait and run right there.
• 44:21
  Eric: Oh, this is good.
• 44:22
  Eric: Okay.
• 44:23
  Eric: So this was we got this as two separate questions.
• 44:26
  Eric: We're gonna group them together.
• 44:28
  Eric: This is following a prompt that Matt put out.
• 44:30
  Matt: Yeah, it was let me let me know.
• 44:32
  Matt: Yeah, go on.
• 44:33
  Matt: Let me be perfectly clear.
• 44:34
  Matt: I was I I realized we needed some questions in the queue.
• 44:38
  Matt: Okay.
• 44:39
  Matt: So I went to the old X, okay?
• 44:43
  Matt: I went to that platform.
• 44:45
  Matt: No, it's Twitter.
• 44:46
  Matt: I'm still calling it Twitter.
• 44:47
  Matt: Fuck it.
• 44:47
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 44:48
  Matt: I don't give a shit.
• 44:50
  Matt: So it's Twitter.
• 44:51
  Matt: It's still Twitter and it always will be until, of course, it finally fucking dies.
• 44:56
  Matt: But I said, ask us your poop questions.
• 45:00
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:01
  Matt: I said, yep, that's where we are.
• 45:03
  Matt: It's a Tuesday.
• 45:05
  Eric: Yep.
• 45:05
  Matt: Zach Juice even retweeted this to try to boost the signal.
• 45:09
  Eric: And that's Zachy D poll we're using there.
• 45:13
  Matt: That's Zachy D.
• 45:15
  Matt: So I actually had high hopes for what I thought would be a nothing tweet.
• 45:19
  Matt: I didn't think we'd get any real responses, but we did get a couple.
• 45:23
  Matt: And uh so yeah, so that's the background.
• 45:25
  Matt: That's how we got here.
• 45:27
  Eric: Yeah, that's that's where we are.
• 45:29
  Eric: So where we are is we got two lovely questions.
• 45:33
  Eric: First question was from at Hey, wow, it's Mike.
• 45:37
  Eric: That's Mike from the kneecast.
• 45:38
  Eric: Love you boys.
• 45:39
  Eric: Question is what is your most shameful poop, Sesh?
• 45:43
  Eric: The next question is from the Space Castle Show on Twitter.
• 45:47
  Eric: So that's at Space Castle Show, and that's the Space Castle Podcast.
• 45:51
  Eric: Thank you for writing in.
• 45:53
  Eric: They ask, do you have a poop you're especially proud of?
• 45:57
  Eric: One that you look back on, smile wistfully, and punch it in the bicep.
• 46:03
  Eric: Yeah.
• 46:04
  Eric: Yeah.
• 46:05
  Eric: Yes.
• 46:06
  Eric: Good, good, fertile ground here.
• 46:09
  Matt: Fertile indeed, yes, as in fertilizer.
• 46:12
  Matt: Uh the so the first question, the shameful poop.
• 46:16
  Matt: Yes.
• 46:17
  Matt: And again, I just want to acknowledge 77 episodes in, this is where we've landed.
• 46:22
  Eric: This is this is where we've landed.
• 46:23
  Matt: Let's just take a moment of silence for the show.
• 46:29
  Matt: So my most shameful poop is basically any poop that I feel I have to do within earshot of anyone.
• 46:37
  Matt: I when I have to poop in public, I seek out a bathroom that is as far away from the people I'm with as humanly possible.
• 46:48
  Eric: Okay.
• 46:48
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 46:49
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 46:50
  Matt: My nightmare is being at a dinner party and or something.
• 46:54
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 46:55
  Matt: And some and I go, Oh, can I use the bathroom?
• 46:57
  Matt: And they're like, sure, sure, sure.
• 46:59
  Matt: It's right there.
• 47:00
  Matt: And I open a door that is essentially still in the room that everybody else is in.
• 47:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 47:08
  Matt: Because it'd be super awkward for me to be like, yeah.
• 47:12
  Matt: Is there another one like an outhouse, maybe?
• 47:16
  Matt: Like, can't do that.
• 47:18
  Matt: You just gotta be like, okay, thanks.
• 47:20
  Matt: And then I go in there, and you know what happens, Eric?
• 47:22
  Matt: What?
• 47:22
  Matt: I don't fucking poop.
• 47:25
  Eric: No, you sit there for 10 minutes, uh, just enough time to plausibly deny anything.
• 47:32
  Eric: Plausibly deny, and then you while figuring out my next move.
• 47:36
  Eric: Yeah, do you do you even because I've had to do this before where I've had to go into a bathroom and I'm like with the plan of full, fully, fully fledged plan of pooping, and then realize like, ooh, can't can't, whatever star is not aligned or happy.
• 47:50
  Eric: You know, I've never felt more like a serial killer where I'm like, okay, but if someone comes in here after me, I check like I have to make sure that like someone pooped in here.
• 47:59
  Eric: So I like will check the toilet paper roll.
• 48:02
  Eric: I'm like, ooh, let me let me just pull a little bit off that, give it a give it a poach signature tear.
• 48:08
  Eric: So they're like, okay, yeah, flush that down the toilet.
• 48:11
  Eric: I make sure you gotta go through the motion.
• 48:13
  Eric: You gotta flush the empty toilet of your ship.
• 48:16
  Matt: Obnoxious.
• 48:16
  Matt: I usually obnoxiously roll.
• 48:19
  Matt: Like uh, anyone listening out there, you hear this roll happening?
• 48:22
  Matt: Yep.
• 48:23
  Matt: I will not make you you gotta flush.
• 48:27
  Matt: You gotta wash your hands.
• 48:28
  Eric: You gotta wash your hands.
• 48:29
  Eric: Um, but there's no cleaning those hands.
• 48:32
  Eric: You know what you did.
• 48:34
  Eric: You they'll never get you'll never off that hand.
• 48:37
  Eric: No.
• 48:38
  Eric: Um, yeah, I I've been there and that is most shameful.
• 48:42
  Matt: And then you gotta leave early, you gotta find some uh a gas station or something.
• 48:48
  Matt: It's awful.
• 48:49
  Matt: I'm not so that's probably mine.
• 48:52
  Matt: A situ a sort of a generic uh answer, I know, but that's probably when I feel the most shame about it.
• 49:00
  Eric: So what is your what is your what is your ah attaboy?
• 49:04
  Eric: What's what what poop is that for you?
• 49:08
  Eric: Listen.
• 49:09
  Eric: Okay.
• 49:09
  Eric: Um we're all friends here.
• 49:11
  Matt: We're in we're in some gross territory for a little bit.
• 49:15
  Eric: We are.
• 49:17
  Matt: I'd say when I feel the best after a after a session.
• 49:22
  Eric: After a session after a fucking hotel, hot loss.
• 49:27
  Matt: Yeah, after an appointment, all right?
• 49:29
  Matt: Yeah.
• 49:29
  Matt: I feel the best as someone, and you know what?
• 49:33
  Matt: I'll be open about this because I'm not alone in this world.
• 49:36
  Matt: As someone with everybody poops.
• 49:38
  Matt: As some yeah, but not as much as me.
• 49:41
  Matt: As someone with IBS.
• 49:44
  Matt: Oh, there it is.
• 49:45
  Matt: I will say when I have what I think is the idyllic white picket fence poop, if you will.
• 49:54
  Matt: Yep.
• 49:55
  Matt: Just out it comes and there it is.
• 49:58
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 49:58
  Matt: The nuclear family poop.
• 50:00
  Matt: Yeah, exactly.
• 50:02
  Matt: The the template, the cookie cutter poop.
• 50:04
  Matt: When the room temperature shit.
• 50:07
  Matt: When that happens, and you you it's a one and dunner, you know, and you're like, oh, and I don't need to sit here anymore.
• 50:17
  Matt: There's no question in my mind of is more coming.
• 50:21
  Matt: That to me, whoo, that's nice.
• 50:24
  Matt: That feels good, and I feel good about it.
• 50:26
  Matt: I feel good about what I've created.
• 50:28
  Eric: I love that for you.
• 50:29
  Eric: What about you?
• 50:30
  Eric: So my so this is so this is my my answer to both of these questions is the same sesh.
• 50:37
  Eric: Buckle up.
• 50:38
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 50:39
  Eric: I own a house.
• 50:40
  Eric: Yes, it is a is a nice, very small house in Dundalk.
• 50:45
  Eric: Beautiful house.
• 50:46
  Eric: Historic.
• 50:47
  Eric: Historic and historic Dundalk.
• 50:49
  Eric: You got one of them plaques on it.
• 50:50
  Eric: I I do.
• 50:51
  Eric: Something you should know about my cute little house is I hope you're saying what I think you're saying.
• 50:56
  Eric: Yes.
• 50:57
  Eric: In the basement of my house, this house was built a hundred years ago.
• 51:04
  Eric: I can't wait.
• 51:05
  Eric: The roof on this house is a hundred years old because it is a slate roof that was built to last for about a century.
• 51:13
  Eric: Wow.
• 51:14
  Eric: Uh it's still going strong.
• 51:16
  Eric: If you go into the basement, yeah, and behind a sliding door.
• 51:23
  Eric: Oh, yeah, I've seen it.
• 51:24
  Eric: You enter the laundry room, what is now the laundry room, uh, what at one point and what is the boiler room of this.
• 51:32
  Matt: And how how big just uh so people can get the proper picture.
• 51:36
  Matt: When you walk into this room, give us some dimensions.
• 51:38
  Matt: Ballpark.
• 51:39
  Eric: Oh my god, it's like fucking 10 feet uh 10 feet by like 15 feet.
• 51:46
  Eric: It is a small and the I am six foot six.
• 51:50
  Eric: The height of the ceilings in my basement are six foot six.
• 51:54
  Eric: Like, like I if I'm scraping the top.
• 51:57
  Eric: I am scraping the top and praying I don't take myself out on a nail.
• 52:01
  Eric: The basement is is not finished, it's not, it's meant for like storage and stuff, and to be the laundry room.
• 52:08
  Eric: You go into my laundry room in this hundred-year-old house, the first thing you'll notice, because it's directly across from you as soon as you open it, is a very haunted looking chute, like just a whole a chasm in the wall.
• 52:21
  Eric: Because that was where they would store all the coal back when my the the boiler for the house was fired by coal.
• 52:28
  Eric: Sure.
• 52:29
  Eric: Sure.
• 52:29
  Eric: And then the the next thing you will immediately notice that no one was the first thing I noticed.
• 52:35
  Eric: Yeah, it was definitely the first thing the Matche noticed when he came into my house.
• 52:39
  Eric: There is a toilet.
• 52:40
  Eric: There's a toilet.
• 52:41
  Eric: There is not a bathroom.
• 52:43
  Eric: There's no there is a singular toilet just against the wall in the middle of the floor.
• 52:50
  Eric: It's just there.
• 52:52
  Eric: It's just the dungeon toilet.
• 52:55
  Matt: There is no stall, there's no sink.
• 52:59
  Matt: No, there's no sink.
• 53:01
  Matt: There's no magazine rack.
• 53:03
  Eric: No, there is nothing.
• 53:04
  Matt: Nothing.
• 53:05
  Matt: There is a toilet.
• 53:07
  Matt: A toilet in the middle of a 10 by 15 room.
• 53:13
  Eric: Next to a very haunted-looking coal chute.
• 53:16
  Eric: And next to nothing else.
• 53:18
  Eric: Nothing else.
• 53:19
  Eric: It's remarkable.
• 53:20
  Eric: Your companions, you look to the left, you see the fucking boiler, you look to the right, you see the steps that go to the fucking uh storm door, and and and a giant chasmus coal chute where you could hide so very many corpses.
• 53:38
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 53:40
  Eric: So, my most shameful but proud poop session of my life, the day I bought the house, the day the key was handed to me and made mine, I let myself in.
• 53:51
  Eric: I went down to stairs to that toilet and I took a shit in my goddamn house.
• 53:56
  Matt: Now, why would you be ashamed of that?
• 53:58
  Eric: Oh, because it was the dungeon toilet.
• 54:00
  Eric: I felt so exposed and vulnerable.
• 54:02
  Eric: I was like, Oh shit, the ghost can murder me right now.
• 54:05
  Eric: I am I am begging for it.
• 54:07
  Matt: First of all, you let me say this, Eric.
• 54:09
  Matt: You needed to do that as the homeowner.
• 54:12
  Matt: I wanted to do that.
• 54:12
  Matt: I needed to mark your territory.
• 54:14
  Matt: That is my right.
• 54:15
  Matt: This and I want to be clear here, Eric.
• 54:18
  Matt: I would I have been in your house.
• 54:22
  Matt: I have not chat in that toilet.
• 54:24
  Matt: I'd do anything to shit in that toilet.
• 54:26
  Matt: I'll tell you that right now.
• 54:27
  Matt: I do anything to it.
• 54:28
  Matt: My man.
• 54:28
  Matt: I want to experience it.
• 54:29
  Matt: I want to see.
• 54:30
  Eric: I want you to experience this toilet.
• 54:32
  Matt: I want to revel in it.
• 54:33
  unknown: Yeah.
• 54:34
  Matt: I want to, yeah.
• 54:34
  Matt: I want to kick my feet out and be like, here we are.
• 54:38
  Matt: Here we are.
• 54:39
  Matt: Who's going to stop me?
• 54:40
  Eric: No, no one unless they have to do laundry.
• 54:43
  Matt: Okay, well, I feel like it would be a little rude to come in there with a little bit more.
• 54:46
  Eric: It would be a little rude.
• 54:46
  Eric: And you do have a door.
• 54:47
  Eric: You have the sliding barn door.
• 54:49
  Eric: You got that sliding barn door.
• 54:51
  Eric: Can I can I be real with you?
• 54:53
  Eric: Something that stresses me out about any toilet I'm shitting on.
• 54:56
  Eric: If I am not within arm's reach of the door, of like the ability to close the door or so like like a stall door.
• 55:04
  Eric: Or if I'm like in a bathroom at a like if if public public restroom, I agree with you.
• 55:09
  Eric: Yeah, public in my own house, it's fine if I can't reach the door.
• 55:12
  Matt: Yeah, okay, okay.
• 55:13
  Matt: That's what I wanted to make sure.
• 55:14
  Eric: But if I'm at a public God, I need the ability to suddenly go, oh, just in case.
• 55:19
  Eric: Oh, yeah, I I agree.
• 55:21
  Matt: I 100% agree with you in a public setting.
• 55:23
  Eric: But it it was my most proud poop in the base because it was I was pooping for the first time in my house.
• 55:29
  Eric: Yeah.
• 55:29
  Eric: In my toilet.
• 55:31
  Eric: And it was my most shameful because it is a dungeon toilet and it is so sketchy looking.
• 55:35
  Eric: It is the sketchiest part of the house.
• 55:37
  Matt: If nothing else, I'm glad that these disgusting questions managed to get us to talk about your demon toilet in your basement.
• 55:44
  Eric: Yeah.
• 55:45
  Matt: Because it is the best part of your house, I think.
• 55:49
  Matt: And I think like if I I'm searching for a home myself with Lindsay right now, and if I walked in and went to the basement and saw your unfinished basement and saw your dungeon toilet, I'd say, well, you know what?
• 56:03
  Matt: It's unique.
• 56:05
  Matt: That's unique.
• 56:05
  Matt: It's unique.
• 56:06
  Matt: That's a feature, not a bug.
• 56:08
  Eric: And like it is positioned in such a way that you can't even to build it into a bathroom, you would just because it's between the boiler and the storm door, you would just have to have a box.
• 56:19
  Matt: Just go like it turn it into a little, a little bit, I would take such delight in saying, you know, oh, um, hey, uh, can I use your bathroom?
• 56:30
  Matt: You got a bathroom I can use?
• 56:32
  Matt: Do I?
• 56:33
  Matt: Oh, yes, I do.
• 56:35
  Matt: You go down into the basement.
• 56:38
  Matt: Follow me.
• 56:38
  Matt: I've got the guest bathroom for you ready to go.
• 56:42
  Matt: And then lead them down there and be like, and show them this big empty torture chamber with I don't know if this is true, but in my head, there's a swinging, exposed single light bulb.
• 56:56
  Eric: Yes, that is 100% the only light source in this.
• 56:59
  Eric: That's what I thought.
• 57:00
  Matt: That is what I thought, but I didn't know if I was just creating a narrative.
• 57:04
  Eric: With a ch with a little chain pull.
• 57:06
  Eric: Yes.
• 57:07
  Matt: 100%.
• 57:08
  Matt: I would pull that and hanging from that, I would keep a little bit of poopery because I could easily put it next to the toilet, but it's not.
• 57:16
  Matt: It's hanging there.
• 57:17
  Matt: I'll hand the person a physical roll of toilet paper for this particular session, and then say, There you go.
• 57:26
  Matt: If you need the squatty potty, it's behind the boiler.
• 57:34
  Eric: And if it's not in there, just check the coal chute.
• 57:37
  Eric: And then just close the door behind them and walk away.
• 57:41
  Eric: I would wait for yeah, wait for them to like at there's they start going down the basement steps and just slowly close the door behind them.
• 57:48
  Eric: There you go.
• 57:49
  Eric: Uh, if I don't like the person, I could just like because uh to find that light bulb, the switches is a nightmare in the dark.
• 57:57
  Eric: I'll just hand them a flashlight.
• 57:58
  Eric: So here you go.
• 57:59
  Matt: Amazing.
• 58:01
  Matt: To think about uncovering this toilet via flashlight is spooky.
• 58:07
  Eric: Spooky as fuck.
• 58:08
  Matt: God might as well be the Blair Witch House at that point.
• 58:12
  Matt: Yes, you might as well you might as well be highlighting a man standing in the corner.
• 58:17
  Matt: That that is that that is what you might as well be showing me.
• 58:22
  Matt: Now, Eric, we we had another question, but we're already over an hour on our recording.
• 58:27
  Matt: Should we hop, skip, and jump away from the toilet humor and go directly to Google Gripes?
• 58:33
  Matt: The thinking man segment.
• 58:35
  Eric: Yes.
• 58:36
  Matt: The thinking man segment.
• 58:37
  Matt: Yes.
• 58:38
  Matt: So, okay, quick intro for anyone who's new.
• 58:41
  Matt: Google gripes is uh one of one a fan favorite segment.
• 58:44
  Matt: Everybody writes in and tells us how much they like it.
• 58:47
  Matt: So we're doing it again.
• 58:48
  Matt: Season three in our last episode.
• 58:51
  Matt: If you didn't listen to it, I went first, and now it's Eric's turn.
• 58:54
  Matt: And what we do is we read three Google reviews, one-star Google reviews of three well-known places.
• 59:04
  Matt: That's as specific as we get with it.
• 59:06
  Matt: So three places, three reviews.
• 59:08
  Matt: Eric guessed last time based on my hints, and he got two out of three.
• 59:13
  Matt: Boom.
• 59:14
  Matt: And now it is my turn to end the first round.
• 59:17
  Eric: Eric, have you come prepared?
• 59:19
  Eric: I've come prepared, and and as is tradition, I've ordered these in what I believe to be easiest to most difficult.
• 59:27
  Matt: Yes, absolutely.
• 59:28
  Matt: And and with this, and I don't think I actually explicitly said this last time, Eric, but I'm I'm gonna say it to you.
• 59:34
  Matt: Okay.
• 59:34
  Matt: And you didn't uh we didn't talk about this, so you didn't maybe necessarily do this.
• 59:38
  Matt: This is our third season, so I did feel like the game needed to be elevated.
• 59:42
  Matt: So what I have planned to do, I'm telling you, I'm planning to do it.
• 59:46
  Eric: Plotting against me.
• 59:47
  Matt: I picked three reviews that, although I put them from easy to hard in the last episode, I thought those locations were all within the easier realm.
• 1:00:01
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:00:01
  Matt: So for my next round, I plan to give you what I consider to be a medium difficulty.
• 1:00:07
  Matt: Oh, Matthew.
• 1:00:09
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:00:10
  Matt: And then I'll give you hard.
• 1:00:11
  Matt: I'm sticking to that, even if you gave me hard right here, right now.
• 1:00:15
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:00:16
  Eric: I agree.
• 1:00:17
  Matt: I'm just telling you that's my intention.
• 1:00:18
  Matt: I'm just telling you that's my intention.
• 1:00:20
  Eric: So let's get into it.
• 1:00:21
  Eric: Let's get into it.
• 1:00:22
  Eric: First location, first review.
• 1:00:26
  Eric: Very disappointing visit.
• 1:00:29
  Eric: We stayed in 329 and the coffee pot and TV did not work.
• 1:00:34
  Eric: The pot spewed water all over the floor instead of cup.
• 1:00:37
  Eric: The TV stayed black with sound and black screen.
• 1:00:40
  Eric: The front desk said there's nothing they could do until the cleaning staff gets there at 8 o'clock.
• 1:00:45
  Eric: Unfortunately, it was 6 a.m., so I left to Starbucks to get coffee even after being charged$600 for this room.
• 1:00:53
  Eric: On the way out, there were two front desk attendants talking and doing nothing.
• 1:00:58
  Eric: One could have brought me a working coffee pot, but they decided to remain lazy.
• 1:01:04
  unknown: Okay.
• 1:01:04
  Matt: Very interesting review.
• 1:01:06
  Matt: All right.
• 1:01:06
  Matt: Review number two.
• 1:01:08
  Eric: Absolutely the worst experience by far I've ever had as an avid traveler.
• 1:01:14
  Eric: When I booked this blank, I made sure I was booked for the main building.
• 1:01:19
  Eric: When I when we got there, we got stuck in lodge with kitchen vent being right below the makeshift AC unit.
• 1:01:28
  Eric: Strong suggestion.
• 1:01:29
  Eric: Don't put something that draws fresh air above kitchen hood vent.
• 1:01:34
  Eric: Room not only smelled like onions, but so did we with just 15 minutes being in the room.
• 1:01:39
  Eric: Manager Lewis said nothing to be done.
• 1:01:42
  Eric: Sorry, but that just does not cut it.
• 1:01:44
  Eric: In my opinion, perhaps there were more other ways to make amends with this and maybe give us a little since the blank took much from us.
• 1:01:54
  Eric: Okay, Eric.
• 1:01:55
  Matt: I think I I think I think I know where this is.
• 1:01:59
  Matt: I think I know what we're talking about, but I'm interested in in I've picked up on a lot of good clues, I think.
• 1:02:05
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:02:06
  Matt: So hit me with number three.
• 1:02:08
  Eric: Take away the ambience of the reason this blank is relevant, and what you're left with is an old small room, no heat, no hot water, and loud disturbances throughout the night from non-paying strangers roaming the halls with no staff.
• 1:02:21
  Eric: For the price that you were charged, you would think basic amenities like heat and hot water would be a given.
• 1:02:26
  Eric: Hardly slept due to the blank allowing strangers to roam the halls while paying customers have to be inconvenienced is unacceptable.
• 1:02:34
  Matt: Alright, so that's it.
• 1:02:36
  Matt: That's it.
• 1:02:36
  Matt: That's three reviews of one place.
• 1:02:39
  Matt: I have to say this sounds interesting to me because it just sounds like you're reading reviews of a hotel.
• 1:02:47
  Matt: Now you've already done the writs.
• 1:02:49
  Matt: You've already hit me with the writs.
• 1:02:51
  Matt: I have.
• 1:02:52
  Matt: So 329.
• 1:02:55
  Matt: It's interesting to me that they would specifically call out a room number.
• 1:03:01
  Matt: Okay?
• 1:03:02
  Matt: Now the room number they listed is pretty close to 337, which would be a floor above room 237.
• 1:03:11
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:03:12
  Matt: And it's interesting that you use the word lodge at a certain point.
• 1:03:17
  Matt: The main building.
• 1:03:19
  Matt: Lodge to me gives a very um aspen type feel, a very winter-esque type feel.
• 1:03:26
  Matt: And I happen to know that in the last, maybe it was the last episode or two episodes ago, we were talking about the shining.
• 1:03:33
  Matt: And so I surprised you by sending you a copy of the shining.
• 1:03:38
  Eric: Which I am now halfway through.
• 1:03:40
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:03:40
  Matt: To begin your Stephen King education.
• 1:03:44
  Matt: Knowing those context clues, I'm gonna say, and I could be wrong.
• 1:03:48
  Matt: I could be, I could be barking up the wrong tree.
• 1:03:51
  Matt: Is this the Stanley Hotel?
• 1:03:53
  Eric: This is the Stanley Hotel.
• 1:03:55
  Eric: Hell yeah.
• 1:03:58
  Eric: I'm so I I I figured you would get, I was like, he'll I was like, I have faith here.
• 1:04:03
  Eric: Uh the the struggle was finding reviews that just weren't blatantly like hotel ghost tours, fucking shit shit like that.
• 1:04:11
  Matt: Um Stanley Hotel, by the way, is the uh inspiration for the Overlook Hotel, and and uh it's where the external shots of the Steven Weber-led miniseries of the Shining was shot.
• 1:04:24
  Eric: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 1:04:25
  Eric: And God, I but man, if you hadn't gotten it, I would have I would have been ashamed.
• 1:04:31
  Eric: I you would uh I don't know what would have happened.
• 1:04:35
  Eric: You would uh you would have reveled in my oh I would have I would have danced on your grave.
• 1:04:40
  Matt: Um you would have held it over me.
• 1:04:42
  Matt: All right.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: I'm just glad I dodged that bullet.
• 1:04:45
  Eric: Okay, you got whoo what one one and oh so far.
• 1:04:49
  Eric: One and oh.
• 1:04:51
  Eric: Next location.
• 1:04:52
  Eric: I'm ready.
• 1:04:53
  Eric: I'm feeling good.
• 1:04:55
  Eric: We were very sad about the 1021-22 performance.
• 1:05:00
  Eric: That was the date 1021-22.
• 1:05:02
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 1:05:03
  Eric: Almost all the acts were very senior people whose hits would not be known unless the attendee was over 70.
• 1:05:09
  Eric: The main performer was wonderful, but only sang four songs.
• 1:05:13
  Eric: Ticket was$144.
• 1:05:15
  Eric: We were so excited to go to blank, but ended up very disappointed.
• 1:05:21
  Eric: Interesting.
• 1:05:22
  Eric: Review number two.
• 1:05:24
  Eric: Entertainers were too old, too out of pitch, and just plain bad.
• 1:05:28
  Eric: I had much higher expectations for our group of six to revel in great entertainment.
• 1:05:33
  Eric: It was below mediocre.
• 1:05:35
  Eric: We got the short end of the candy cane on this December 23rd show.
• 1:05:39
  Eric: Don't waste your time.
• 1:05:41
  Matt: December 23rd show.
• 1:05:44
  Eric: Final review.
• 1:05:45
  Matt: Two reviews you've mentioned a specific date.
• 1:05:48
  Eric: Interesting.
• 1:05:49
  Eric: Continue.
• 1:05:50
  Eric: The blank has sunk to the murky depths as having a drag show with RuPaul.
• 1:05:57
  Eric: Should be ashamed as George Jones.
• 1:06:00
  Eric: Said, who's going to fill our shoes?
• 1:06:04
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:06:05
  Matt: That last one I think confirms what I've been suspecting this whole time.
• 1:06:09
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:06:10
  Matt: Uh you came very quickly with all of your guests in the first round.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: So I feel a little bit of an impetus to also come quickly.
• 1:06:20
  Matt: But I know for a fact we've already done the Hollywood bowl.
• 1:06:24
  Matt: So I'm trying to think of another notable uh concert space that you could be reviewing.
• 1:06:30
  Eric: Look at him chewing on it.
• 1:06:32
  Eric: Look at him, look at him savoring this.
• 1:06:34
  Eric: Keep going.
• 1:06:34
  Matt: I'm just trying to talk you through my logic.
• 1:06:39
  Matt: I'm trying to have a conversation on an audio-based medium as opposed to you just saying like, is it this?
• 1:06:44
  SPEAKER_01: Is it this?
• 1:06:45
  Matt: All right, fine.
• 1:06:46
  Matt: Grand Old Opry.
• 1:06:47
  Matt: It is the Grand Old Opry.
• 1:06:48
  Matt: Boom.
• 1:06:49
  SPEAKER_01: There it is.
• 1:06:50
  SPEAKER_01: Tune baby.
• 1:06:51
  unknown: Tune.
• 1:06:53
  Matt: You know what it was?
• 1:06:54
  Matt: It was the fucking homophobic one at the end that did it for me.
• 1:06:56
  Eric: Yeah, it was the super homophobic one that'll that'll oh bro.
• 1:07:00
  Eric: The amount of deeply transphobic and homophobic shit I had to wade through.
• 1:07:06
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 1:07:07
  Matt: We've both we've both been there in getting these one-star reviews for sure.
• 1:07:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:07:11
  Eric: All right.
• 1:07:12
  Eric: I feel good now.
• 1:07:13
  Eric: I'm cooking now, baby.
• 1:07:15
  Eric: Last last location.
• 1:07:17
  Eric: First review.
• 1:07:18
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:07:18
  Eric: Empty and boring.
• 1:07:21
  Eric: This company store has a fraction of what the Tokyo one has.
• 1:07:27
  Eric: Barely no plush accessories or housewares.
• 1:07:30
  Eric: I think I already know.
• 1:07:32
  Eric: All right, continue.
• 1:07:33
  Eric: Review number two.
• 1:07:34
  Eric: Oh man.
• 1:07:35
  Eric: They did not have any PlayStation or Xbox consoles.
• 1:07:39
  Eric: Extreme disappointed.
• 1:07:41
  Eric: I wanted to get the PS5 here, and they did not have it.
• 1:07:44
  Eric: They did not have it.
• 1:07:45
  Eric: They didn't help me beat Tomodachi Life.
• 1:07:48
  Eric: Extremely disappointed.
• 1:07:50
  Eric: Okay, now I'm confused.
• 1:07:52
  Eric: Now I don't know.
• 1:07:54
  Eric: That was a total left turn.
• 1:07:56
  Eric: Final review.
• 1:07:58
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:07:59
  Eric: When I came here a few years ago, they still had the Gulf War blank on display, but I guess they put it back in storage, even though it is a real historical artifact.
• 1:08:09
  Eric: What welcome.
• 1:08:11
  Eric: What?
• 1:08:11
  Eric: Welcome, my friend.
• 1:08:12
  Eric: What?
• 1:08:13
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:08:13
  Matt: Eric, you've thrown me up to the loop.
• 1:08:17
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:08:17
  Matt: The first review.
• 1:08:20
  Matt: The first review had me thinking that you were talking about like the original IKEA.
• 1:08:25
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:08:25
  Matt: That's where my head, that's where my head began.
• 1:08:29
  Matt: No plush toys, et cetera.
• 1:08:32
  Matt: The second review, no one would expect to find PS5 and things like that at a at there.
• 1:08:40
  Matt: So I thought maybe we're talking about something like the Nintendo Store and Times Square or something.
• 1:08:45
  Matt: But again, why would you be dumb enough to think other Sony consoles would be there?
• 1:08:51
  Matt: But that's something.
• 1:08:53
  Matt: That's something.
• 1:08:54
  Matt: Or maybe a Toys R Us of some kind.
• 1:08:57
  Matt: The last review.
• 1:08:59
  Matt: This Gulf, this mention of a Gulf War.
• 1:09:03
  Matt: A Gulf War something.
• 1:09:05
  Matt: And it's a st but it's a store of some kind.
• 1:09:08
  Matt: You're describing a store or some sort of marketplace or something, some place of commerce.
• 1:09:17
  Matt: Fuck me.
• 1:09:20
  Matt: I I don't I'm stumped.
• 1:09:22
  Matt: I don't have a good guess.
• 1:09:25
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, I'm stumped.
• 1:09:26
  Matt: You stumped me on this one, Eric.
• 1:09:29
  Matt: Um right now my leading guess is that Nintendo store comment, but again, that that doesn't feel right, but that would speak to the Tokyo aspect of things, I guess.
• 1:09:43
  Matt: Again, why would you think there's PS5 there?
• 1:09:46
  Matt: But somebody can be dumb.
• 1:09:48
  Matt: That's somebody's right.
• 1:09:49
  Matt: Gulf War artifacts?
• 1:09:51
  Matt: The Gulf War artifact is wi that's really what's getting me up up Shits Creek here.
• 1:09:57
  Matt: That has completely derailed any train thought I c train of thought I had going.
• 1:10:02
  Matt: I guess I'm I guess I'm gonna say the the Nintendo store in Times Square, I don't feel great about it, but that's that's what I'm gonna go with.
• 1:10:13
  Matt: Finally.
• 1:10:14
  Matt: Matt, let me give you some history.
• 1:10:16
  Eric: Hit me.
• 1:10:17
  Eric: During the Gulf War, uh there was a soldier, I can't remember the name uh whose barracks was hit by like a a missile or an IED or something.
• 1:10:31
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:10:32
  Eric: All of their possessions blown to smithereens, except for one.
• 1:10:37
  Eric: It was very badly damaged, but there was scorch marks on it still, like the plastic had fucking bubbled and charred, but it still worked.
• 1:10:48
  Eric: Their Game Boy Entertainment System.
• 1:10:52
  Eric: A Game Boy that was still on display in Nintendo World in Times Square.
• 1:11:00
  Eric: You got it, baby.
• 1:11:02
  SPEAKER_01: You got it.
• 1:11:02
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:11:03
  Eric: Oh wow, I was shitting myself because you just said it.
• 1:11:07
  Eric: You just fucking said it.
• 1:11:10
  Matt: And this is why I encourage you to speak through your thought process.
• 1:11:16
  Matt: Eric, I didn't think I got it.
• 1:11:18
  Eric: I thought I was you did very good.
• 1:11:21
  Matt: I was like, I don't think I can think of anything else.
• 1:11:23
  Matt: So let's just end this.
• 1:11:24
  Matt: Let's end the torture.
• 1:11:25
  Eric: Let's end the pain.
• 1:11:26
  Eric: Nintendo world in Times Square.
• 1:11:29
  Eric: Um, it it I I've I've been there a couple times.
• 1:11:31
  Eric: It's real neat.
• 1:11:32
  Eric: And yeah, they've been there together.
• 1:11:34
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:11:35
  Eric: That's I I I uh almost gave you that hint, but I was like, uh no.
• 1:11:40
  Eric: No, also, I'm pretty sure we've been there together.
• 1:11:43
  Matt: No, that probably would have secured it for me, but I wouldn't still would not have known that little thing about the Game Boy.
• 1:11:48
  Matt: That's really cool.
• 1:11:50
  Matt: Really neat fact, and good on you, Nintendo, for doing that.
• 1:11:53
  Matt: Oh, not good on you for taking it away.
• 1:11:55
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:11:55
  Eric: And what was really neat is it still worked, and they had it on display playing Tetris.
• 1:12:00
  Eric: Like they just set it up on a loop to play Tetris.
• 1:12:02
  Eric: It's and they gave him and Nintendo gave him a new Game Boy because he donated it to them to like display.
• 1:12:08
  Matt: That's so cool.
• 1:12:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:12:10
  Matt: It is really neat.
• 1:12:12
  Matt: It's only made more neat by the fact that it helped me take the lead three to two after one round.
• 1:12:21
  Matt: Oh, I'm gonna have to crank it up.
• 1:12:22
  Matt: I'm gonna have to go medium.
• 1:12:23
  Matt: But you I think I think we both kind of did the same thing.
• 1:12:26
  Matt: Although that one was tricky, that one was tricky, but Taj was a little tricky for you.
• 1:12:32
  Eric: Taj Mahal was tricky.
• 1:12:33
  Eric: I feel I'm feeling really good about we're I feel like we're meeting each other on equal levels.
• 1:12:37
  Matt: Where we are, and I love I th I are you in agreement that like for round two, we go, we try for medium difficulty locations.
• 1:12:45
  Eric: Yes, yes, absolutely.
• 1:12:46
  Matt: Let's do it, let's try it.
• 1:12:47
  Matt: Let's do it.
• 1:12:48
  Matt: And uh so yeah, we'll we'll get back to the.
• 1:12:50
  Matt: You know what we should do?
• 1:12:51
  Eric: We should be back here every couple of weeks and we should record a podcast together.
• 1:12:55
  Matt: Why don't we do that?
• 1:12:56
  Eric: We'll call it Golf War Game Boy.
• 1:12:59
  Matt: Golf War Game Boy.
• 1:13:01
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:13:02
  Matt: I wonder if we had called our uh to podcast that if we um would be bigger and better by now.
• 1:13:08
  Matt: Probably because because that's that's an intriguing title.
• 1:13:12
  Matt: The Golf Boy much better than the Warden we have we have.
• 1:13:14
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:13:15
  Matt: Absolutely, almost anything would have been.
• 1:13:18
  Matt: But that is a mistake in the past, and we move forward into the future.
• 1:13:23
  Matt: Into the future, and that will about do it for this episode of Golf War Game Boy.
• 1:13:29
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:13:30
  Matt: So we do need your questions.
• 1:13:34
  Matt: Send them to us at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com, all spelled out, or at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:13:39
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, et cetera, et cetera, YouTube as well.
• 1:13:45
  Matt: And uh yeah, we'll we continue to put out some probing questions, uh, some submit some questions here on Instagram and Twitter.
• 1:13:53
  Matt: Haven't been so good about it lately.
• 1:13:55
  Matt: Life's been a little bit hectic.
• 1:13:57
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:13:57
  Matt: If you've ever been looking for a house, you probably know what I'm talking about.
• 1:14:00
  Matt: So I haven't been on the social media as much as I have been uh in the past.
• 1:14:04
  Matt: I apologize for that.
• 1:14:05
  Matt: But all that to say, send us your stuff.
• 1:14:07
  Matt: Don't wait from me.
• 1:14:08
  Matt: Just you have a thought in the middle of the night keeping you awake.
• 1:14:11
  Matt: Ask us.
• 1:14:12
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:14:12
  Eric: You can just give us your like intrusive shower thoughts and we'll just discuss them.
• 1:14:17
  Matt: And look at look at what we talked about today.
• 1:14:20
  Matt: We talked about Twix and poop.
• 1:14:21
  Matt: And poop.
• 1:14:22
  Matt: And Eric DeArichos just reading, just reading night 30-year-old song lyrics to us.
• 1:14:30
  Matt: Yep.
• 1:14:30
  Matt: You can do that too.
• 1:14:32
  Matt: Call the thought line.
• 1:14:33
  Matt: That number is 410-929-5329.
• 1:14:36
  Matt: You can read a song lyrics.
• 1:14:38
  Matt: You can you can ask us a riddle.
• 1:14:40
  Matt: You can uh you yeah, you can you can leave us word problems to solve.
• 1:14:45
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:14:46
  Matt: Start something new, blaze a trail.
• 1:14:48
  Eric: You can put us down as a job reference.
• 1:14:50
  Eric: That offer still a wild still stands.
• 1:14:53
  Matt: We have yet to receive someone asking us to be a job reference for you.
• 1:14:57
  Matt: We will do it.
• 1:14:58
  Matt: We will do it straight enough.
• 1:15:00
  Eric: I will lie to an employer on your behalf.
• 1:15:02
  Matt: Fuck it.
• 1:15:02
  Matt: You you got a new segment idea that we haven't thought of yet?
• 1:15:06
  Matt: Throw that in there.
• 1:15:07
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 1:15:07
  Matt: Submit it.
• 1:15:08
  Matt: Give it workshop it.
• 1:15:10
  Matt: Workshop it.
• 1:15:11
  Matt: Yeah, workshop it.
• 1:15:12
  Matt: Uh, we just like to hear your voices.
• 1:15:13
  Matt: So again, 410-929-5329.
• 1:15:16
  Matt: And um, yeah, so that'll about do it for this episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:15:22
  Matt: Eric, did I miss anything?
• 1:15:23
  Eric: No, I think you dangled did it.
• 1:15:26
  Matt: Well then, for all of us here at You Didn't Ask for This, my name is Matt Shea.
• 1:15:31
  Eric: My name is Eric Poach.
• 1:15:32
  Eric: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:15:34
  Eric: But did you know that Nintendo got its start as a playing card company?
• 1:15:39
  Eric: I think I didn't.
• 1:15:40
  Eric: They started way like in the 1800s as a playing hard card company.
• 1:15:44
  Eric: They made Hanafuda cards, a game played in Japan, and one of their biggest their their cards, Nintendo brand Hanafuda cards, were uh the preferred brand of the Yakuza.
• 1:15:56
  Eric: Oh.
• 1:15:56
  Eric: Pretty fucking metal.
• 1:15:58
  Eric: It isn't metal.
• 1:16:00
  Eric: It is pretty fucking metal.
• 1:16:02
  Matt: The Yakuza, I think.
• 1:16:05
  Matt: Uh I think the Yakuza are are a pretty awful organization in terms of like they're the most organized crime you're ever gonna find.
• 1:16:14
  Matt: Well, sure, but uh uh it sort of feels like at the end you're calling the like sort of hyper-violent nature of this this organization really cool.
• 1:16:24
  Matt: Is that true?
• 1:16:24
  Eric: I think it's really cool that they use Nintendo playing cards.
• 1:16:28
  Matt: Oh, absolutely.
• 1:16:29
  Matt: I mean, I guess that is that's certainly you know what that is, that's certainly within the realm of fun facts.
• 1:16:35
  Matt: Fun as hail.
• 1:16:37
  Eric: All right, goodbye.
• 1:16:38
  Matt: Oh, yeah, there's no play out here for sure.
• 1:16:41
  Matt: Like this is a very weird way to end the episode.
• 1:16:44
  Matt: Absolutely.