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Why Narcissists Don't Feel Bad For What They Do To You · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissist don't feel
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  bad for how they are treating you.
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  And it's not just a lack of empathy, it's something else as
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  well. Y'all, if you're new here, my
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  name is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back y'all, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes yes yes narcissistic people. Why the hell don't these toxic
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  narcissistic people feel bad for what they do to you?
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  Like why don't they? You know, before we hop deep
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  into today's episode, y'all make sure if you haven't already,
• 0:57
  please, I'm begging you, hit that subscribe button please.
• 1:03
  Now just play. But please hit it.
• 1:04
  Y'all seriously hit the button. Help us reach more people.
• 1:07
  The more people we reach, the more people we help with the
• 1:10
  channel and whatnot as well. But y'all narcissistic, toxic,
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  abusive, neglectful, manipulative people don't feel
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  bad for what they do. I know a lot of people ask me
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  like do narcissist is there every point in time in their
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  lives where they look back and they regret whatever they've
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  done to you? No, for some of them, for a lot,
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  for a lot of narcissists, they don't look back and regret it.
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  Are there some narcissists that can experience some guilt and
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  remorse and be like, I can't believe I did that?
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  Yeah, there's some people who might think that, right.
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  But for the, the vast majority of abusive, manipulative
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  narcissists don't think that way.
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  The vast majority of narcissistic people, they, they
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  justify, but they, they have a lack of empathy.
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  They will. They don't have a lot of
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  empathy. A lack of empathy is one of the
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  diagnosable criteria of narcissistic personality
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  disorder, and a lot of people with narcissistic traits just
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  have a lack of empathy. They don't feel bad because they
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  can't, right? They didn't have empathy.
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  They weren't taught compassion and empathy in their childhood
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  and as an adult. It's probably way too damn late
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  to try to learn it right now, right?
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  It's way too damn late to try to learn or get a grasp on empathy
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  and compassion in your feelings and treating people fairly and
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  feeling bad for what you've done.
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  Like it's damn near too late for that.
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  So most narcissistic people are just not going to feel bad
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  because they they really can't. You know, it's just like the
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  lack of empathy is the is, it's, is, it's pervasive damn near.
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  And it sucks when you're dealing with this abusive person because
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  like, I know you as a human being, you as an empathetic
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  person, you as an empath, if you consider yourself an empath, you
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  want to know that you matter. Like Lee, I just want to know
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  that I mattered, you know, And that's what that goes for most
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  people, empath or not. You just want to know that you
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  mattered, right? And that makes sense to me.
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  And it makes sense to a lot of people, but the narcissist knows
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  it doesn't make sense. The narcissist is like, wait,
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  I'm going to treat you like I deserve.
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  I think you deserve to be treated right.
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  And for the vast majority of narcissists, they don't care at
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  the end because guess what? This is one of the main reasons
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  why they don't feel bad y'all, because you stay with them.
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  They justify their horrible behavior the way that they treat
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  you. The stuff that they put you
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  through they justify by you being with them.
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  I know it and I, I know that sucks to hear because you might
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  be in a trauma bond, you might keep going back because you're
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  trauma bond and you feel like you're stuck and whatnot.
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  The name of the narcissist that cares about the trauma bond that
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  carries that you trauma bonded to them.
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  It feels bad that you're trauma bonded to them.
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  Most narcissists try to make the trauma bond stronger.
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  They want you to be, they want it to, they want the trauma bond
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  to get deeper and stronger. They want it to be harder for
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  you to leave them. They want it to be harder for
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  you to find or seek help or something like that.
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  They want, that's what they want.
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  They don't want you to feel good enough to leave them.
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  Then how does that, how does you feeling good enough to leave
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  them benefit them in any way? And this is not me trying to be
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  funny. This is me being real.
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  How does you leaving them benefit them in any way?
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  Unless they're doing the, unless they are doing the reverse
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  discard where they try to get you to leave, right?
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  What they're doing, what they're treating you horribly and trying
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  their best to get you to leave. They're doing a lot of
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  manipulative stuff. They're saying a lot of horrible
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  things to you. They'll you know, they're
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  they're pushing you out the door pretty much they want they
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  they're pushing you out the door and they want you to leave, but
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  they just don't have the, the, the, the the courage to do it
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  themselves, right? That's what happens to a lot of
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  people right there. So that's why I'm just asking
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  like it if it doesn't benefit them, they're not going to do
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  it. You're like, it doesn't benefit
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  them to do that type of stuff right there, right.
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  So they're not going to do it. They're not going to they're not
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  going to participate in something that's not benefit.
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  They they see a of great benefit to them, right.
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  So like narcissist, your, your strength, your your healing
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  doesn't benefit them. So they want the trauma.
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  Yeah, they want the trauma bond to be strong.
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  I'm sorry. I'll punch into the might.
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  I was like trauma bond to be strong, you know, because at the
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  end of the day, the stronger the trauma bond, the more power and
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  control that they have over you, right?
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  The the deeper the trauma bond, the deeper the bond, the more
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  power, the more the the more power, the more control that
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  they have over you. They feel like that their power
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  and control is getting deeper and stronger.
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  They love it. Y'all narcissist love it.
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  Let's just be real narcissist love it.
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  They love having the power and control over you.
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  So when you stay with them, they don't feel bad.
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  There's so many videos out here of people and y'all probably
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  experienced it. If you've dealt with an abusive
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  narcissist, not only is there lack of empathy like they tell
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  you, some of them would literally open their damn mouths
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  and say, if I treated you so badly, why didn't you just leave
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  me? If I was so bad to you, why
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  didn't you just pack your stuff up and leave me when you had the
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  opportunity? They will tell you that to your
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  face. If it was that bad, why are you
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  here? Why are you with me?
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  Why did you forgive me? Why do you keep coming back?
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  This is the stuff that they keep doing y'all over and over and
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  over again. Y'all know I've been getting us
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  some rat bubbles here lately and I love it.
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  I love the rat bubbles because they help so many people.
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  Y'all just be real. It's black and white thinking,
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  right? It's complete black and white
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  thinking. How narcissistic people's minds
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  work. Good or bad, black or white, up
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  or down, left or right, there's no in between.
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  So I'm it's, it's either all good or all bad in my mind.
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  If it's all bad, then why the hell are you with me?
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  It can be as simple as that. And that's the question you got
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  to ask yourself. Leave because we love them.
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  Y'all love don't hurt. Y'all love don't hurt.
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  It shouldn't hurt. Love shouldn't put you in this
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  pain. Love shouldn't make you feel
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  like you're losing your damn mind.
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  This is not love. This is pain.
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  This is trauma. This is this is something else.
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  This is not love. It ain't.
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  It can't be. This can't be the love that your
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  grandparents had, that your parents had.
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  This can't be. This ain't the same love unless
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  the shit, unless the shit then switched up somehow.
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  This ain't the same love that you watched that you had growing
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  up. You might not have grew up in a
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  toxic household. You might not have.
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  You might not have had an abusive household.
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  You might have had a great upbringing.
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  You might had amazing parents. You might have had amazing
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  friends and family. You might had amazing everything
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  about your life could have been amazing growing up.
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  But you just happened to get with an abuser, you happen to
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  link up with a manipulator and it just ruined your damn life.
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  But you don't have to stay here because you're they use your
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  presence. Narcissist, abusive people,
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  toxic people, whatever name you want to give them.
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  Lee, I can't die. I can't diagnose them as a
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  narcissist. But you can diagnose the the,
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  the behaviors. You can diagnose your
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  unhappiness. Nobody give a fuck about the
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  label sometimes, y'all? It's about how you being
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  treated. It's about the behaviors.
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  Are you willing to accept the behaviors or not?
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  Narcissists are not toxic persons, are not abuser or not.
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  Are you you willing to accept these behaviors?
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  Because if you don't, if you're not, then it might be time to
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  make some moves. Believe it's hard.
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  I know it's hard. If it was easy, everybody would
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  just leave. If it was easy, my platform
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  wouldn't exist. Leave you kind of what you're
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  saying is kind of pointless. I just left easy.
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  Some people can leave easy, some people can't.
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  You have to get to that point right there.
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  I don't tell people to leave. I'm just telling you straight
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  up, this is how it's going to be.
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  You Y'all ever seen that? Same what?
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  You don't change you what you don't change you.
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  Accept. That's how narcissists feel.
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  This literally the the mindset of a narcissist.
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  If you don't, if you not, if you not leaving me, then you are
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  accepting my behaviors. Believe.
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  How do we convey to them that we don't want to accept their
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  behaviors? Then leave.
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  You have to leave them alone. You can set those boundaries.
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  You can set your you have to hit.
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  You have to have these immovable boundaries.
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  Your boundaries cannot be made of play DoH.
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  You cannot have play DoH boundaries with an abuser, with
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  a manipulator, with a toxic person.
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  You can't. Yeah, Kids play with play DoH.
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  Kids play with play DoH. You have to play.
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  You're an adult. You got to play with something
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  tougher. You got to play with steel.
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  Your boundaries have to be carbon fiber, steel reinforced,
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  whole, all the other stuff. Your boundaries have to be able
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  to go deep to the depths of the ocean.
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  And your boundaries have to be strong enough to go to space.
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  You see what I'm saying? Because you never know what
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  you're going to get. You never know where you have to
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  go. You might have to go low.
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  You might have to go high. Right.
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  So boundaries have to be as strong as humanly possible.
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  So you have to set those boundaries.
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  And the bully, they never expect my boundaries.
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  Then they're never going to respect you.
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  Yeah, trying to set a boundary. They just brushed it aside.
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  And they're always going to brush to the side.
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  Why would they change? I'm not trying to be mean,
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  y'all. I'm trying to be real.
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  Why would they change? This is the black and white
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  thinking. Black and white thinking.
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  You're not. If I don't change, you stay with
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  me. Why would I change?
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  If I don't change and you stay with me, why would I change?
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  Why would I change anything I don't?
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  I'm not going to change the behavior that I benefit from
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  that you that I feel like you are accepting of.
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  I'm not going to do that. That doesn't benefit me.
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  I'm not going to do something that doesn't benefit me
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  directly. Why would I do that?
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  This is the mindset of an abusive manipulator.
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  Y'all. I'm just telling y'all straight
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  up. This is how narcissist minds
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  work. They're going to blame you for
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  every single thing that goes wrong in your life.
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  They're going to try to hold you accountable for everything that
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  goes wrong in your life. Then they're going to blame you
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  for taking them back. I forgave you.
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  Why did you keep doing the same thing?
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  Because you forgave me. I forgave you for cheating them.
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  Why you cheating them again? Because you forgave me.
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  I forgave you for putting your hands on me.
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  Why'd you put your hands on again?
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  Because you forgave me. They see your forgiveness as
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  permission. Shout out to Doctor Romney for
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  that line right there. They see your, they see your
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  forgiveness as permission to keep doing the same things over
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  and over again. Because why would they change
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  your behavior if they feel like you accept, do they benefit
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  from, They use your presence as permission, Your presence as
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  permission to keep doing the same thing over and over again.
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  That's why they don't feel bad. Why would I feel bad if I
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  thought you were OK with it? I've cheated on you 10 times.
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  Why would I feel bad for doing it at 11?
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  This is part of our relationship now.
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  When they. Yeah, when they start doing
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  something over and over again, they feel like this is the this
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  is the new wave. This is part of the.
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  This is part of the relationship now.
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  This is part of who we are now. There's no changing this up.
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  There's no change. There's no differences coming.
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  This is who we are right now. This is part of our
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  relationship. You are in it now.
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  You were sucked into it. Hey, we're together right now.
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  You got to deal with it right now.
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  You got to deal with me. This is who I am.
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  This is who I'm going to be. This is what I'm going to do.
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  This is the mindset of an abuser.
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  This is the mindset of a manipulator.
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  They're going to keep doing the stuff that they feel like
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  benefits them the most because if they're going because they
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  love it, and if they love doing the same thing over and over
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  again, they're not going to stop doing what they love.
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  Because your feelings are hurt, because you feel bad, because
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  you're crying. Why are you crying?
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  I thought you were OK with it. Why are you crying?
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  Why do you keep bringing up the past?
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  They tell you y'all they tell you straight up to your face
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  sometimes I'm not going to be different because I think that
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  you're OK with these behaviors. So why would I feel bad that I
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  think with something I thought you were OK with?
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  You know, I apologize to people just they they think that Lee,
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  you being just too direct and you being mean.
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  This is not me being mean. This is me being real.
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  This is me wanting you to win. This is me showing you what it
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  takes to win. Is it take take?
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  You got to be able to take a little cussing sometimes a
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  little straight, a little power a little a little.
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  This is not me being aggressive. I don't see I don't seem to be
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  aggressive. Y'all don't know me in real life
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  but this is how it is like that abusive manipulator is not going
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  to care or they they as long as you come back to them, why would
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  they change their behavior? Do they think whoa whoa they
• 12:35
  came back to me so they must be OK with it right?
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  They came back so they must be cool with it right?
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  They came back. This is the mindset.
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  I'm just telling y'all right here.
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  Y'all. They can't.
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  They use your they, they use your presence as permission to
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  keep doing the same thing over and over again.
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  I'm not going to feel bad, you know what I'm saying?
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  For doing something that I think that you're OK with that doesn't
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  make sense to the narcissist. Let's keep it hot and ready.
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  It doesn't make sense to your abusive partner to just change
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  their behaviors because they think it's OK.
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  Believe what? We broke up with him, Ford.
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  The same thing. But they why do they think he's
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  OK? We broke up with him, Ford,
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  because you took him back. And I know.
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  Yeah, this is not me trying to harsh on you a victim blame.
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  I'm just trying to let you take a peek inside the mind of a of
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  of a narcissist to show you how narcissistic people think.
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  They think you're OK with it. You took me back.
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  Why would I change when you took me back?
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  You took me back when I told you I would change.
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  I promised to change, but you took me back before I made any
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  changes. I told you I would go to therapy
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  but you took me back before I went to therapy.
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  So I thought you were OK with without me going, right?
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  Y'all see how simplistic that sounds right there?
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  You see how ignorant it sounds at the same time, these are the
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  mindset, this is the but the mindset of a manipulative
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  person, of an abuser, of a toxic person.
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  This is how they think. This is what they're going to
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  continue to do. I know you.
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  I know it's sad and it sucks to hear, you know, but this is part
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  of this is part of it, y'all. It really can be.
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  Anyway, y'all, I know there's a long rant I felt I thought I
• 14:04
  had. I hope, I hope it is going to
• 14:06
  reach the people that rant is going to reach the people it's
• 14:10
  supposed to reach. It is, you know what I mean?
• 14:12
  And if I hope it reaches you, hope it touches your heart, hope
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  it's made you hope it just like inspires you to just take the
• 14:17
  next steps in your healing journey.
• 14:19
  And like I said, I have courses of a community, I have a support
• 14:21
  group. I have everything available at
• 14:22
  mentalillness.net. Come check it out, y'all.
• 14:25
  Anyways, y'all, if you haven't already, hit that subscribe
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  button. Help us reach more people, help
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  us keep growing, y'all. My, my big podcast is coming
• 14:31
  soon. And as always, y'all, as always,
• 14:34
  mental illness is out. Peace.
• 14:38
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 14:40
  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
• 14:42
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
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  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
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  to watch another video or to browse to another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
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  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 14:54
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 14:56
  I will see you in the next video.