Latest / The Lesbian Loudmouth Podcast / Mayday

Transcript

Mayday · The Lesbian Loudmouth Podcast

0:00
Hello, friends. Here we are again. I know I've got six or seven minutes worth of material here,
0:05
material in quotes, and I thought I would just, you know, call you up because
0:10
I'm driving somewhere and I don't want to be alone with my own thoughts. All right, fair.
0:15
What are we doing right now? Okay, so mission number one, I have my return to work date,
0:20
May 25th, and I'm nervous because my wrist still hurts, but my physio just absolutely
0:27
kicked the shit out of me just now, and he bent my wrist in a way that made my,
0:32
one leg like uncontrollably just,
0:36
rise in the air, kind of like a snake out of a basket. And I was embarrassed.
0:40
Okay, I'm ruminating on that.
0:42
I was embarrassed. And I'm like, ah! And he's like, oh, are you okay? And I'm like, no!
0:47
I'm not okay. None of this is okay. I'm not having a good time here.
0:51
Anyway, he's doing a good job. Everything's fine. I am calling to tell you about
0:56
two incidents that have happened. One of them is fresh on my mind.
1:00
I went to the local shopper's drug mart to pick up some progesterone.
1:03
Not for me. thank you very much for my partner everything's fine
1:06
it turns out the only progesterone and estrogen
1:09
that was hard to find was
1:12
one where it was a combined pill as opposed
1:15
to like two separate little tiny weird looking pills one of them looks like a
1:18
tiny little round gumball and the other one is small and flat and
1:21
purple anyway yada yada yada i'm fine now
1:23
everything's fine guys everything's fine but sarah went to her
1:26
doctor and he's like you get progesterone you get progesterone
1:30
and he went to pick up
1:32
her pills and maybe maybe we can turn
1:35
the heat up in the house a little bit more because
1:38
it's cold at night poor Coco Stanley is pressed against
1:41
me for warmth and I'm also appreciating his warmth because it's cold in the
1:45
house but she's I'm not I'm not gonna poke fingers but she's having some hot
1:48
flashes and I really hope this resolves that although her temperament is lovely
1:51
I I just real lucky I'm real lucky on the temperament front there's only one
1:55
cunt in our house and it's me and I just wanted you all to know that okay I'm
1:58
talking really fast because I don't know.
2:01
I don't know. Let's do some kind of childhood trauma. Don't do that.
2:07
Speaking of trauma, I am convinced that they put my hand on my wrist wrong.
2:11
Like I missed a potato head. Like I think I got a Barbie wrist or something.
2:14
Like it just looks weird.
2:15
And I know that's crazy and it makes no sense. But it's my theory and I'm going with it.
2:19
My theory is they put my wrist attached to my hand wrong, which is crazy.
2:26
Like there's probably only one way to put a wrist and a hand back together.
2:30
Guys, it was crazy. I think I'm crazy. Okay, it's fine. It's fine. Everything's fine.
2:34
Alrighty. What's my fucking point? Yes. Okay, two incidents.
2:39
One incident is my son turned 14.
2:43
And he's got a whole bunch of little nerd friends. God bless them all,
2:46
each and every one. And the plan was to go to this trampoline park.
2:53
Right? Yeah. I, I am a good mom. Like some days I'm like, I am a fucking shit mom.
2:58
But lately I have been forced into volleyball tournaments with so many fucking
3:03
people around. So many people.
3:06
For one example, like you cannot relax at a 14 year old boys volleyball competition
3:11
because these balls come out of all directions.
3:15
And the kids that are like hitting them and smacking them and smashing them
3:19
and slamming them are not really in total control of their body.
3:23
They're growing so quickly, they're extremely uncoordinated.
3:27
I don't know if you know what I mean, but it's like they're growing leaps and
3:29
bounds and their brain can't catch up to their new dimensions of their body.
3:34
They're just unpredictable at best. So it's not like I can grab my book because I read now.
3:40
It's like a real Gen Z thing for me to be doing because I read now.
3:44
Okay, well, I read one book in six months, but that's better than the last 10
3:48
years when I read zero books, okay?
3:50
You cannot read a book. You constantly, constantly have to be looking.
3:54
Or if you're smart, like I was, I found the biggest dad and I sat like four
3:59
feet behind him, like four bleacher rows behind him, and he was catching all the balls.
4:04
But there was one mom who should have known better, okay?
4:07
Like, I don't want to victim blame, but you cannot be in the front row looking at your phone.
4:12
You can't. and she I know she has been to multiple tournaments
4:15
because I as well have been she got smoked in
4:18
the motherfucking face and it happens all the time
4:21
okay and that I felt bad for her and she's like making like
4:24
she's like a big scene the kid comes over she's like he's like I'm so sorry
4:26
I'm like I'm six four and I was like five three yesterday I didn't know what
4:31
I was doing and he apologized to her and I was like okay cool but she was like
4:35
I'm fine I'm fine but it hit her hard like it knocked her glasses askew and
4:39
I'm sure that really fucking hurt and then she left with her wiener husband.
4:43
And then, you know, I'm, I'm way at the top behind the, the smart dad who saved
4:47
me from about three balls hitting me in the eye. And she comes back with her husband and
4:51
And I know I have said this multiple times before. I know I have because it
4:55
keeps happening around me.
4:57
Are men unaware when their entire fucking ass is hanging out of their pants?
5:03
I don't know if it's just because I'm self-conscious and I hate myself and my
5:07
body. But I would notice, and I'm not talking about underwear.
5:12
I'm talking about ass to the wind. Just ass cheeks out to the fresh, cool air.
5:18
And they do not fucking notice. Now, if that wasn't egregious enough,
5:22
he was trying to get fucked later or something.
5:24
Okay, I'm a bad person. Maybe he's just consoling his wife who has just sustained
5:28
pretty traumatic head injury at the hands of a newly six-four young man.
5:34
He's like rubbing her neck and whispering into her ear and rubbing her shoulders
5:37
and her back. And I just, I had a double revulsion.
5:42
Like, number one, there is no need for that kind of deep tissue massage around a bunch of young boys.
5:50
And then, like, a bunch of old moms and grandmas.
5:54
Like, why are you doing that? Like, I know she got hit in the head,
5:57
but you don't have to. It was just gross.
6:00
And then I look down and I'm like, oh, fuck, you know, like,
6:03
your whole ass is hanging out.
6:04
And you're, like, your pants are tight, dude. And I get that. Trust me. if
6:07
anyone gets having muffin top and tight pants it's me but
6:10
pull your fucking pants up like you do not feel that like
6:13
you have hair on your ass and you cannot feel that blowing in
6:16
the wind just hanging out there okay I'm sorry I don't even remember what I
6:18
said I remember why I said that I said that because I've been a good mom okay
6:23
so Sarah's been a better mom she goes to she drives to the practices which are
6:28
of course like an hour round trip away and like just don't let your kids to play sports. All right.
6:35
That's what I'm trying to tell you. It will ruin your fucking life.
6:38
And I know that's mean to say, but it's true. It's, it's a part-time job. What's that?
6:43
Okay, I currently don't have a full-time job, but eventually I will have a full-time
6:47
job again. I'm just faking this injury.
6:49
Oh, you know, just for attention. They put my fucking hand on wrong.
6:52
I'm telling you guys, man, it looks fucking weird.
6:55
Okay, I have like this weird grip. It's like someone else's hand.
6:59
A franken hand. It's fine. Guys, calm down. So I'm like, hey, Sarah, you know what?
7:04
I'll take these boys to the trampoline park, and then we'll go to Five Guys after.
7:09
Because, you know, I'm a good partner.
7:12
Sometimes, on occasion when I'm unemployed and I need her to help me survive financially.
7:17
And cool. And I'm thinking to myself, all right, we'll go there.
7:20
I can finish my book that I've been reading for six or nine months or whatever.
7:23
And we get in there, they get their trampoline socks and they file into the
7:27
thing. And I told them like, I'll wait in the car.
7:29
And I was going to wait in the car. And then I thought, oh, I'll just sit on
7:32
this fucking super uncomfortable bench.
7:34
And we're in there. And all of a sudden I see an ambulance pull up and I'm like, oh,
7:38
fuck that sucks and then I see the little kid that is like in a seated stretcher
7:43
and I'm like oh well that sucks and I thought fuck man you know these places
7:48
that's why they make you sign the waiver because someone's like someone's gonna get a hurt a real bad.
7:54
And that kid rolls out and I had to get off my bench so the ambulance could
7:56
get the stretcher through.
7:58
And I'm like, all right, start reading my book. I think about 20 minutes go
8:00
by. I have two pages left in this fucking book.
8:03
And I see my son's friends and they're all standing in front of me and they
8:08
all look like they have seen a ghost.
8:10
And I'm like, he's bleeding. He's bleeding.
8:14
He banged his head on the basketball hoop. And I'm like, oh, okay, no problem.
8:18
Like what's a little blood, right? And it took them five minutes to find me
8:22
because I said I was going to be in the car.
8:24
So they went and looked in the car and I of course wasn't there.
8:26
And then they found, and I'm like, I'm like, okay, sure. No problem. Right.
8:30
Seasoned mom. No big deal. I turned the corner and it was a fucking bloodbath.
8:36
All right. Like blood was everywhere. It was streaming down his face.
8:41
It was in his hands, in his hair, on his pants, all over the floor, on his shoes.
8:46
It was just like a fucking horror movie. And I'm like, okay,
8:50
well this is a little bit more than I fucking expected. And now.
8:55
I, my, everything's happening. There's people tending to him. I've got the kids.
8:58
These boys are like all freaked out and they have blood on their socks.
9:01
And I'm like, oh fuck, how am I going to make this work now? I'm not there alone.
9:05
Like I've got these kids. I've got to get them home somehow.
9:08
They're not getting five guys. I'm not getting five guys. No one's getting five guys anymore.
9:12
And this poor kid is bleeding like fucking crazy. So I had to like think,
9:15
right? So I go over there. I'm like, are you okay, dude? He's like completely glossy eyed.
9:19
He's pale as a ghost on the blood loss and he's just kind of shaking and i'm
9:24
like dude you're okay everything's fine he said i don't remember what happened
9:28
i don't know what happened i don't remember what happened like you hit the basketball
9:31
net you you you hurt your head he's like yeah look at all this,
9:36
okay sorry i got a phone call i had to balance transfer a credit card ah never
9:44
lend anyone money, it'll always blow up in your face.
9:47
Never lend anyone money, you'll have a big fat mortgage.
9:51
Oh, good. Anyway, everything's fine. Just unemployed. You know,
9:54
I'm just not making a ton of money.
9:57
And just fuck. Just don't ever lend anyone money, okay?
10:02
And also don't go to trampoline parks. All right. Where were we?
10:05
Yeah, I'm talking. He's doing okay. I'm talking him through it.
10:09
And I don't understand who these people are.
10:11
Like, I assume that they all work there. But The more I started talking to them, I'm like, okay.
10:17
She's like, oh, I was just here with my kids. And I'm like, what?
10:20
She's like, oh, yeah, but I'm an ER nurse at the children's hospital.
10:22
And I was like, oh, oh, my God.
10:24
Thank you so much. I didn't realize. I thought she worked there.
10:26
She was all dressed up. Like, she looked like Snow White.
10:30
Do you know what I mean? Like, she just had, like, she had light-colored eyes and dark hair.
10:36
And she just looked like a middle-aged model. Like, you'd open a Sears catalog.
10:40
Remember Sears catalogs, guys?
10:42
And she would have been in there. and she was also wearing this crisp like
10:45
taupe shirt and there was not one single
10:48
drop of blood on it it was amazing and she calls
10:52
her dad over and then her dad is helping and i'm
10:55
just like i don't i don't really know what to do because there's like four people
10:58
around him and it occurs to me that
11:00
i have to get these kids home so i call sarah i'm like listen there's a lot of
11:03
blood and malcolm hit his head and he's
11:06
bleeding and these kids have to go home and they're not gonna go to
11:09
five got like the worst person in a fucking like I
11:12
don't want to say tragedy but in like an unexpected event which
11:16
like you know involves bodily harm and a whole lot
11:19
of blood she's like what's going on I'm like everything's fine he's okay the
11:23
there's a nurse here she's working on him she's saying we should call an ambulance
11:27
and when she said when the nurse said to me you should call an ambulance I'm
11:30
like for that she's like well what's your plan and I'm like well I'll drive
11:33
him there I could probably get him there faster than an ambulance would and
11:36
she's like, well, what's going to happen when he passes out in your car?
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And my first mistake, okay, I'm going to, like, in hindsight,
11:43
being what it is, you know, I've had some time to self-reflect.
11:46
And the first thing, when a medical professional, well, I don't really know.
11:51
I mean, she could work at a gas station, but she looked really nice,
11:54
and she had an Apple Watch, and she was smart, and she knew what to do with the gauze.
11:58
Don't question a medical professional unless they're putting your hand on your
12:02
wrist wrong. In which case, please question them. Something is really wrong here.
12:06
And I shouldn't have done that. And she's like, yeah, I think you should call
12:09
an ambulance. And I'm like, okay.
12:10
And then the nice young lady that worked there, this poor woman,
12:13
I don't know, maybe she was 20, 25, super professional, very nice,
12:16
lovely young lady. She's like, would you like me to call the ambulance for you?
12:19
And I was like, yes, yes, I would.
12:21
And then I proceeded to get Sarah to come pick up these three kids,
12:24
like, and take them home without five guys, which we're all very sad about.
12:28
And then they called the ambulance and we waited for about 20,
12:31
25 minutes for the ambulance to come. I'm not complaining.
12:37
Like, this isn't a heart attack, a stroke victim. This isn't an accident.
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This is just like, you know, he's going to be okay. It's just kind of gross.
12:46
And we waited and, you know, like I kind of just stood there and I'm like, how can I help?
12:50
Because eventually the nurse left and she left her paramedic dad there.
12:52
And I'm like, look, you know, I can put pressure on this.
12:54
Like, why don't you go enjoy your family? And he's like, oh,
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I don't mind. And I'm like, no, really? Like, he's like, oh, they're jumping.
12:58
I'm like, no, you know, like you guys have done more than enough. Thank you so much.
13:02
Blah, blah, blah. and then he left and then I'm like waiting for the ambulance
13:04
and I'm just like fuck you know I could have fucking driven him there like 15
13:07
minutes ago but whatever okay.
13:11
And my son is doing well he's starting to crack jokes,
13:14
I'm like I'm like you're gonna be okay he drank his blue slurpee why did they
13:18
give him a fucking blue slurpee they gave me a blue slurpee when I was in labor
13:22
and everyone thought I was like deprived of oxygen because my lips were blue
13:25
and that's what the also what the ambulance drivers thought too did you lose
13:28
consciousness did you soil yourself and I'm just like Thank you.
13:33
And then I, of course I have to listen, he got, he's listened to me. Okay.
13:36
So I looked at him on the ambulance guys are there and I'm like,
13:39
do you want me to tell you about my C-section story again? And he looked at me and he goes, no.
13:43
And I was like, okay, fair. And then I looked at the ambulance guy and I'm like,
13:49
can we get out of here? Cause everyone was staring.
13:51
I don't know if there's video or someone took photos because people are fucking
13:55
gross and assholes, right?
13:56
Like they probably saw a bleeding kid and they probably took a picture or video
13:59
of it. And I fucking hate that with every fiber of my being,
14:02
that no one has any tact anymore.
14:04
I just, I didn't even look around because I was focused on my kid and also getting
14:07
these other three sweaty armpitted
14:10
kids home that I didn't look to see if anyone was taking pictures.
14:13
But people stopped milling about once they, once we got the blood off of his
14:16
face. It's like, they're like, oh, I just hurt himself.
14:18
I just, please God, if you are out and about and someone has had like an accident,
14:22
don't rubberneck it. Get the fuck out of there. No one wants to be stared at.
14:25
Like, fuck off. I don't know if people need to be told that, but apparently, yeah.
14:29
They do. Okay, we load the kid up. He just gets into the ambulance.
14:34
And I said to the ambulance guy, I'm like, he didn't even cry.
14:37
And the guy goes, wow, that's pretty good. I'm like, yeah, like that's he's
14:40
like, that's a big gash. And I said, yeah, he's like, that's like three inches.
14:43
And I was like, yeah, I know.
14:44
And he's like, well, we get into the ambulance. And the woman,
14:48
the woman ambulance paramedic lady was kind of a bit crotchety.
14:51
And she's like, how long has this place been opened?
14:54
And I said, I do not know. And she's like, paramedics are here two to three
14:58
times a day, every single day.
15:01
And I thought, wow, that's a lot of times, you know, that's a lot of times.
15:05
And the girl who called the ambulance for me who worked at the jumping place
15:10
was like, yeah, there was just a kid today who smashed his face on the basketball
15:16
hoop and it's like his cheek was like busted wide open.
15:20
She's like, we have to do something about that. And I'm like, you think?
15:23
What are you waiting for? Like a brain injury or someone breaking their neck?
15:29
Like what are you, like close it down.
15:32
Close that area. You fucking, like anyway, it's not her fault.
15:35
It's not her fault. She's just doing her job. Yeah, so I don't know. I just...
15:40
I would not recommend this place. I'm not going to name it. I don't want to
15:43
get sued because I'm a huge show and lots of people listen to this.
15:46
Yada, yada. We get into the ambulance.
15:49
And where the wound is, it's kind of like, you know when you get old and you're
15:54
a man and you get those kind of like bald spots on either side of your forehead?
15:58
I don't know. I can't remember what they're called.
16:00
Honestly, I can't remember what they're called. I'm like, well,
16:03
you know, if you ever shave your head, you're going to have a wicked scar there to tell people about.
16:07
And I'm like, well, if you ever go bald, that scar is going to show. and he's
16:10
like well thank god i don't have your hairline and i
16:14
was just like you fucking little bitch and the
16:17
ambulance driver laughed he goes oh shots fired and i
16:20
i laughed so hard i i think it was
16:23
a he burnt the shit out of me b it was
16:26
you know true and c it was the
16:28
relief of like everything's gonna be okay because you
16:31
know i was a little nervous that was a lot of fucking blood and it
16:34
just like the three of us laughed super hard for an
16:37
exceptional amount of time and this
16:40
fucker it it was just like I was proud you know
16:43
like I don't know it was it was a good moment I think he's gonna he he has mentioned
16:48
it to me every single day since this has happened and good for him okay good
16:54
for him and then you know we get to the children's hospital they give him Advil
16:58
Tylenol and then they make you feel like you're gonna get in right away but
17:01
we didn't no we sat there for a couple hours, but don't worry.
17:03
The other kid, remember when I was sitting on the bench and there was a kid
17:06
that was heading out into an ambulance? That kid was also at the.
17:12
We should have punched tickets. Are you from the trampoline park? Yes. Okay. Admit one.
17:16
And don't worry. The workers at the park gave me three free one hour passes. Really?
17:23
Yes. Can't wait to come back.
17:25
Had a great time here. Yeah. Okay. Thank you so much. Yeah.
17:30
Okay. We get to the children's hospital. We check in. We're waiting.
17:32
We're there for two hours.
17:34
And then we get our name called. And holy shit, I was so happy.
17:36
We go back there and the doctor's like oh we're gonna have to shave your head
17:39
and my son if you only knew how much this kid loves his hair and we just got
17:44
it cut that morning and he's like oh don't shave my hair don't shave my hair
17:47
and the nurse is like well let me take a look and thank the good lord because
17:51
she was like i think we can do it without shaving your head and he was so happy,
17:55
and you know yeah yeah and i was like bragging again oh he didn't even cry and
17:59
the nurse goes but you know it's okay to cry right and i just thought lady i'm
18:04
a lesbian okay i've been drilling into this kid that he can cry.
18:07
He's allowed as a young man to experience more emotions than just anger and joy. So I got it covered.
18:15
I was just impressed that he didn't cry because I think I would have cried, I guess.
18:19
And also, that's a fucking tough person, male or female, to not fucking cry
18:24
when your entire head has been smashed open.
18:27
Yeah. Yada, yada, yada. Eight stitches later.
18:31
Right. And then he's he's like, I can't remember how it came up,
18:35
but he burned me again about being bald.
18:37
And then I looked at the nurse. I'm like, you're a mandatory reporter, right? She said, yeah.
18:42
And I'm like, so if I hit him like just a tiny bit, like hit him just a little,
18:45
you'd have to like report me.
18:46
And she's like, well, you know, I could I could look away just for like a couple
18:51
seconds. And I laughed and laughed.
18:53
Because thank you. Thank you so much. Okay. And yeah, I am bald.
18:58
And yeah, I did want to hit him. And yeah, when I was holding his hand,
19:01
I noticed we had the exact same chin hair in the exact same spot. Okay.
19:04
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon.
19:08
Little boy blue and the man and the... Okay. You know what I mean?
19:12
Yeah. Anyway, I'm lucky he didn't have brain damage. He didn't break his neck.
19:16
He has a shock of long brown hair.
19:20
And no one died. And we're going to reschedule. we're going to do another activity
19:24
because I called the trampoline park and I got fucking transferred to someplace
19:28
in Regina spoke to a nice lady and I told her that your workers are great they're
19:32
wonderful professional they took good care of us even with all the blood,
19:36
but you're that basketball hoop like someone is going to die there and also
19:41
it's bouncy all over the place so all it takes is some big dumb kid to jump
19:45
and they're going to shoot another kid who doesn't see it coming all the way
19:48
up into the bottom of that basketball hoop so how about some how about some
19:51
phone and she's like yeah yeah okay and she's like yeah we'll get you a refund
19:54
but you know we'd love to have you back.
19:57
Uh-huh. Oh, no, no. Like Consuela from The Family Guide. No, no, no, no, no, no.
20:03
I'm like, you know, that's a generous offer, but I kind of have PTSD from all
20:08
the blood and everything, and I just kind of would rather not.
20:10
She's like, okay, for sure. I understand.
20:12
Yeah, okay, yeah, okay.
20:15
All right. Well, yeah, that's that story. And the only reason I even recorded
20:19
this show just now is because when I went to go pick up the progesterone at
20:22
the Shopper's Drug Mart.
20:24
I am not exaggerating when I say this to you
20:26
I spent four fucking solid
20:30
minutes trying to get into the identical shitty Hyundai
20:34
Santa Fe that was in the parking lot I'm pushing everything
20:37
I'm like pushing the unlock I'm pushing the lock I'm like oh because the battery
20:40
is running low on this thing and I'm like oh well there's a key I can just pull
20:44
the actual physical key out of the fob and I'm turning and I'm like pushing
20:49
the trunk release system and I'm like fuck the trunk isn't working everything's
20:53
all nothing that's working I can beeping and nothing and then I look up,
20:57
finally you know befuddled and I look across
21:00
the parking lot and I see my car with
21:04
the trunk open and all my tools and everything are
21:06
in the trunk and I'm like huh and then
21:10
I look down at the car I'm actively trying to get into I'm like
21:13
this car is clean this isn't my car and
21:16
then I look up and five I'm gonna say 50
21:19
55 year old women come out and I'm like dressed like
21:22
a homeless person because that's what I look like and I'm bald too a little bit too
21:25
so and then I look up and I'm like I just
21:28
want you to know that I have spent exactly four minutes trying to get into this
21:33
car and they start laughing and I'm like I point across to the trunk open the
21:39
exact with the exact same car okay same color same everything and I point over and I'm like.
21:46
And they're like, that's your car? And I was like, yeah, that's my car.
21:49
They're like, with the trunk open. I'm like, yeah, that's my car.
21:53
And we laughed and laughed. And I almost made a perimenopausal joke,
21:57
but I just didn't want to get lynched because like, you know, that's not nice.
22:01
And I said, I'm sorry. She's like, oh, no problem. I've done that before too.
22:05
And I was like, oh, and then I got into my car and I drove away.
22:09
But it was like, and I've done this before.
22:11
There was one time many, many, many years ago, I'm going to say like 12 years ago.
22:16
Where I, I used to have blue Nissan Rogue, kind of an unusual color in that car.
22:24
And we were leaving a bookstore because my son pooped his pants.
22:27
Like it's okay. He was like one and a half and I was trying to change him in
22:31
the trunk because he wanted to go back in and play with more Thomas toys.
22:34
And I walk, like I walk up to a car, I pop the trunk and I'm like,
22:40
wait a minute, this trunk is empty.
22:41
And I'm like, wait a minute, there's music going on.
22:45
Wait a minute, there's people in this car,
22:47
wait a minute, this car is running. Wait a minute, this isn't my car,
22:51
right? And this lady's like, hi, can I help you?
22:53
Because like, who is this weird, young, she, them, they person with the baby
23:00
trying to get into my car? Like, right?
23:02
And then I'm like, this isn't my car. And she points across the parking lot.
23:06
She's like, is that your car?
23:08
And I was like, yes, yes, it is. And we laughed and laughed and look you know
23:13
who says you can't teach a dumb old bitch the same trick right over and over
23:19
it's not fun isn't that great good for me is that what yeah good for okay yeah I just.
23:25
Need to win the lottery okay and I
23:28
just need to like never fucking leave my house again that's where I'm
23:30
at all right okay all right
23:33
well thanks for having me guys listen if you need anything change your dress pod at
23:36
gmail.com happy friday to one and all
23:39
and i don't know i could really
23:42
use some thoughts and prayers okay i just i'm dying
23:44
here dog okay everything's fine guys okay listen yeah
23:48
sure i still have that segment from electric gary to play i just i i don't even
23:53
know where my fucking computer is i'm not sure how to do that from my phone
23:56
but i still love gary and you know what if i were in a jungle somewhere and
24:01
they're like you can only take one man with you I would be like, Gary, 110% Gary.
24:06
Gary is my barometer for what a good man is. Not even man, like a good person.
24:12
Like Gary's the kind of guy that like would pull over if he saw you with a flat
24:16
tire on the side of the road.
24:17
And within 40 seconds of talking to him, you'd be like, he's not even going to murder me.
24:22
He's not going to take payment. He's not going to kill me. He's not going to
24:26
like chop me up into like 500 pieces and scatter me around.
24:28
He's just going to help me and smile and drive away.
24:32
And that's like, isn't that what we want from all men? Just like, he's just the best.
24:37
And if I can get my son to be like one eighth of a Gary, job well done. Okay.
24:43
I just wanted to make sure that that is clear that I like Gary and he's a nice young man.
24:47
And Rainbow's going to send me something. So maybe we'll have like a clip show.
24:52
A guilt-riddled, obligated clip show.
24:56
Okay, hey, if you want to send a segment, or you want to tell me about the time
24:59
you went to a trampoline park and almost died, like, hey, go ahead,
25:04
changeofaddresspod at gmail.com. The Lord is with me and also with you.
25:07
Let me know if you need anything, but I hope you don't. Okay, bye. Bye-bye. Bye.