Latest / The Internal Move Podcast with Fexingo: Lateral Roles, Internal Transfers, and Staying at Your Company / How to Use a Stay Interview Before Your Internal Transfer
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to run something by you that sounds completely backwards at first. Luna: I love backwards. Hit me. Lucas: Before you apply for an internal transfer, you sit down with your current manager and have what HR calls a 'stay interview.' You tell them, 'I'm thinking about leaving the company entirely, and here's why — what could keep me here?' Luna: Wait — you're saying you tell your manager you're thinking of quitting, when what you actually want is a different job inside the same company? Lucas: Exactly. And the reason is strategic. A stay interview flips the dynamic. Instead of you asking for permission to transfer, you're inviting them to keep you. That changes the conversation from 'can I go?' to 'what would it take to keep me?' Luna: But isn't there a huge risk? What if the manager says 'good luck, we'll manage without you.' Or worse, they block you. Lucas: That can happen — but if it does, you've learned something valuable before you've even applied. A manager who reacts to a stay interview by saying 'fine, leave' is the same manager who will give a lukewarm reference or drag their feet on the release date. Better to know that upfront. Luna: So the stay interview is a diagnostic tool. It tells you whether your manager is an ally or an obstacle. Lucas: Right. And if they're an ally, you've just given them a heads-up that you're exploring, which lets them prepare their own transition plan. That makes them look good to their boss, which makes them more likely to support your move. Luna: Okay, I'm coming around. But how do you actually structure the conversation? Because 'hey boss, I might quit' is a heavy opener. Lucas: The framing matters. You don't lead with 'I'm applying for another role.' You lead with your growth. Something like, 'I've been reflecting on my career path, and I want to make sure I'm building the right skills. I'd love your advice on how I can grow here.' That's a stay interview opener. Luna: So it's less about threatening to leave and more about inviting them to invest in you. Lucas: Exactly. Then you ask three specific questions. First: 'What do you see as my biggest strengths that I might be underutilizing?' Second: 'If I were to leave in six months, what would you wish you'd known now?' Third: 'What kind of projects or exposure would make me a more valuable long-term asset to the team?' Luna: That third question is clever. It signals that you're thinking long-term, not just shopping around. Lucas: And it gives the manager a concrete way to help you. Most managers want to retain good people. They just don't have a script for it. The stay interview gives them one. Luna: I remember a case from a large tech company — let's call it a Fortune 500 hardware firm. An engineer I know did this. He told his manager he was thinking of leaving because he wanted more systems-level work. The manager immediately offered to let him lead a cross-team architecture review. Lucas: And did that solve it? Luna: Partly. But the engineer also realized that the architecture review was a one-off. He still wanted a permanent move. So he used that conversation as a springboard: 'Thank you for the opportunity. I really enjoyed it. It confirmed that I want to focus on systems work full-time. How can we make that happen?' Lucas: That's the perfect follow-through. The stay interview isn't a one-and-done. It's the first step in a series of conversations that lead to a transfer. Luna: Right. In that case, the manager eventually helped him find a role in the platform group. He became a reference instead of an obstacle. Lucas: That's the ideal outcome. Now, what about the timing? When do you schedule the stay interview relative to the transfer application? Luna: I'd say at least a month before. You need time to see how the manager responds and to adjust your strategy. Lucas: I'd go even earlier. Six to eight weeks. Because if the manager reacts poorly, you need time to build other relationships — maybe with the hiring manager in the new team, or with HR — before you apply. Luna: And if the manager reacts well, you've got an ally who might even advocate for you to the new team. Lucas: Exactly. Now, a key tactical point: document the conversation. Send a brief follow-up email summarizing what you discussed and any commitments. That creates a paper trail. Luna: Especially if the manager says something like 'I'll look into a stretch project for you.' You want that in writing. Lucas: And six weeks later, if nothing's happened, you have a natural reason to follow up. 'Hey, last month we talked about a stretch project. I'm still very interested. Can we set a timeline?' Luna: That's a lot more professional than just applying for a transfer without any conversation. I've seen people do that and the manager feels blindsided. Lucas: Blindsided managers are the ones who block transfers. They feel disrespected. A stay interview is a sign of respect. You're saying, 'I value your opinion and I want your input before I make a decision.' Luna: It also de-risks the reference. Because if you do apply, the hiring manager will likely call your current manager. If that call is the first time your manager hears you're looking, you're starting at a disadvantage. Lucas: Huge point. The stay interview makes sure your manager hears it from you, not from HR. Luna: So let's talk about worst-case scenarios. What if the manager says 'I don't think you're ready for a move' or 'I need you here for another year'? Lucas: Then you have a choice. You can accept that timeline and use it to prepare, or you can decide the manager isn't going to support you and you need to go around them. But at least you know. Luna: And if you go around them, you need allies in the new team and HR who can override a reluctant manager. Lucas: Right. But the stay interview has already told you the terrain. You're not operating blind. Luna: I want to circle back to something. You said a stay interview is about retention. But the employee's goal is actually to leave the team. Isn't that a bit manipulative? Lucas: It would be if you had no intention of staying. But you do want to stay at the company. You're just moving laterally. And the stay interview is genuine — you are asking what would keep you. If the manager offers something compelling that addresses your career needs, maybe you do stay. That's not manipulation, that's honest negotiation. Luna: Fair. And if nothing they offer is enough, the conversation still ends with you saying 'I appreciate that, but I think I need to explore other opportunities within the company to keep growing.' That's honest too. Lucas: Exactly. The stay interview is not a trick. It's a structured conversation that surfaces information for both sides. Luna: You know, this reminds me of something we've talked about in previous episodes — the idea of treating your internal transfer like a new hire negotiation. A stay interview is like the exploratory call before you even submit your application. Lucas: That's a great comparison. In a new job search, you'd network with people in the industry before applying. The stay interview is your internal networking call with the most important stakeholder — your current boss. Luna: I wonder how many people skip this step because they're afraid of the conversation. I know I would have been nervous. Lucas: Most people are. But the cost of not having it is higher. You risk a bad reference, a delayed transfer, or a burned bridge. The stay interview is a low-risk, high-return move. Luna: Let's give listeners a concrete script to use. Lucas, what's the exact wording you'd recommend? Lucas: I'd say something like: 'I want to have an honest conversation about my growth here. I'm committed to this company and I want to make sure I'm on a path that uses my strengths and challenges me. I'd love your perspective on where you see me making the biggest impact in the next year, and if there are any gaps I should fill to be more valuable to the team.' Luna: That's good. It's forward-looking, collaborative, and doesn't mention leaving at all. Lucas: If the manager asks directly 'Are you thinking of leaving?', you can be honest: 'I'm not actively looking outside, but I want to make sure I'm growing. I'd rather address any gaps here than look elsewhere.' Luna: That's a strong answer. It shows loyalty while signaling ambition. Lucas: And if the manager is smart, they'll take the hint and start creating opportunities. If they don't, you have your answer. Luna: Alright, I'm convinced. One last thing — what about the timing within the quarter? We're in June 2026 now. Many companies are mid-year review season. Is that a good time for a stay interview? Lucas: It's a perfect time. The manager is already thinking about your performance and development. The stay interview fits naturally into that rhythm. Just schedule it as a separate 30-minute meeting, not tacked onto a performance review. Luna: Good. And if you have a mid-year review coming up, you could even frame it as a pre-read: 'Before our formal review, I'd like to discuss my long-term path.' Lucas: That's a smart framing. It shows you're taking ownership of your career. Luna: You know, episodes like this — where we give specific, actionable advice — are exactly the kind of thing that listeners tell us they value most. And we're able to keep making them because of support from listeners who contribute to keep the show ad-free. Lucas: Yeah, it's a small thing that makes a big difference. If you've gotten value from the show, you can support us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure — just helps us keep doing what we do. Luna: And we really appreciate it. Alright, back to the topic – so we've covered the script, the timing, and the risks. Let's talk about the follow-up after the stay interview. Lucas: Right. Within a week, send that summary email. Then, based on the manager's response, you either start preparing for the transfer with their support, or you start building relationships elsewhere. The stay interview is just the first move, but it's a critical one. Luna: Agreed. One move that changes the whole game. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. And thanks to our listeners. Next episode, we'll talk about how to handle the transition period once your transfer is approved — specifically, how to hand off your old role without burning bridges. Luna: Looking forward to it.