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Single and not looking to mingle · The Living Freed Podcast

0:20
Hey y 'all, I'm Hannah Liz, a coastal living,
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Jesus living, NC native, and this is the Living
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Free podcast, where we discuss intentionally
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living our lives to the fools that God has intended,
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having those late night open heart friend convos,
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not letting others, ourselves, or ideas hold
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us down, allowing Jesus to free us of the chains
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that we didn't know we were holding onto. You
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can see the full show notes attached to this
0:45
episode, and if you loved this episode, please
0:48
leave me a review. but we're going to jump into
0:59
weekly updates. This is the part of the segment
1:03
where you get to learn a little bit about me
1:05
and what's going on in my life so we can get
1:09
connected and get to know each other better.
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This week has been a super fun week. I have been
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very intentional about creating me time. Right
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now I am recording in one of my closets. Yep,
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you heard me. I'm in one of my closets. My roommate
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is in the process of moving and I would love
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to record in my room like usual because it's
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cute and comfy and cozy, but it's kind of crazy
1:35
out there and I would hate for y 'all to have
1:37
to hear all the background noise. I have made
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the perfect cozy spot with all of my millions
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of pillows surrounding me in my closet and I'm
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sitting here just enjoying the quaint vibes.
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So what have I been up to tis the question right
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um that none of you asked or asked for well for
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one let me tell you tell you I am so embarrassed
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so I got back from the pool and this week I have
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started working on my core again. I had surgery
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back in February and I got the okay to kind of
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start easing into that stuff. So I did arms and
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chest and then I did core about two days ago.
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Well this is the embarrassing moment for me y
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'all. I was laying back down on one of the chairs
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by the pool and I had no strength left in my
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core at this point from that workout because
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those abs be hurting. and instead of gracefully
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laying back i plopped back so hard that you heard
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my clip hit the wood and people looked my way
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um and i'm sure plenty of people looked at me
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and thought wow that girl needs to go to the
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gym little did they know that happened because
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i went to the gym so i'm now anti -core just
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kidding i'm just kidding i did core again this
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morning so i'm not anti -core but it's working
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against me at the moment can't wait to get those
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app muscles back that i've never had in the first
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place um another thing that i am up to is i'm
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addicted okay i've been caught up by this by
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one of my friends i am addicted to the garden
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scape game where you like solve those little
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matching puzzles and you build your garden and
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then there's like a side mission or two you go
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on I play that every single night. I'm not embarrassed
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to say so. I play it every single night. It's
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instead of me scrolling social media. And I love
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it. I love to problem solve. I love a challenge.
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And I love to decorate. So I'm living my best
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life playing that game. What level am I on? I
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don't want to tell you. I would be embarrassed
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to tell you. Is it close to the number 2000?
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Yes. Is it below or above that? I'm not going
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to answer because, again, I am addicted. So let's
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talk about what's in. This week, what's in is
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summer hydration drinks. I am... on a kick of
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summer hydration drinks. That being coconut water,
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pineapple juice or apple juice or strawberry
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lemonade mixed with electrolytes, lemon juice
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and typically whatever else you'd want it to
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be. Sometimes if they're all poppy and they're
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just for a little bit of a buzz pizazz you know
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but yeah summer hydration drinks jump on if you're
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not doing it do it because it's the bomb .com
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what is out is i'm not getting my nails done
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anymore i've got my nails done every two to three
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weeks religiously for the last two years and
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i decided no not anymore i'm done at least done
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for the summer we'll see how long i last so i'm
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gonna be ratchet and instead of Going and getting
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the gel taken off, it's clear. Let me tell you
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guys, the nail polish is clear. Instead of getting
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it taken off, I'm gonna let it grow out and I'm
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just gonna cut it off over time. Now, will it
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be grown out by the time I go to Iceland? God,
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I hope so. I really hope so. And if not, I'm
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gonna just have to deal because I've told myself
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I'm not getting my nails done anymore, that I
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need to take a break. So yeah, that's what's
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out. Alright, well, that's all I have for you
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this week. Um, we're gonna go ahead and dive
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straight into today's episode. Do you get asked
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if you're seeing anyone all the time? Because
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I do. It feels like when you're single, it's
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the only thing other non -single people know
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how to talk to you about. Anytime I'm around
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a friend that's in a relationship, engaged or
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married, it's one of the first things they ask
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me, so are you seeing anyone? And then when I
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say no, they say, don't worry, it will happen
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when you least expect it. Or, aww, are you on
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the apps? When you're single, it feels like no
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one will let you enjoy it, how you actually should
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be able to. Everyone else wants you to go out
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on date after date, living your best wild life
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with the best stories to tell. But they also
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want you to find a man and settle down. No one
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really understands that sometimes you don't want
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a boyfriend. Sometimes you just want to live
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presently in your life with the friends you have
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and enjoy the little moments and not worry about
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being married with kids before you're 40. Sometimes
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we want to go to dinner with the girls and come
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home to our clean empty house, get in the bed
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we don't have to share, and fall asleep to Netflix
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and not worry if it's keeping someone else away.
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People find out you're single and start coming
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up with all these solutions to fix it when sometimes
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it's not something we even need to be fixed or
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change. Recently, I was with a client. It was
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only my second time seeing her and as I was washing
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her hair she asked, so do you have a boyfriend?
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I did a soft laugh and said, oh no, not right
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now. She said, have you tried church? And my
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laugh was a little less soft this time and I
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let her know that most guys I meet at church
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were one either only there to find a Christian
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wife and didn't have a passion for Jesus or they
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were too old and awkward for me. She just said
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okay and started listing off other churches I
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should go to to find a man. I let her finish
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and then I just changed the conversation like
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I do with most people after that. Growing up
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in the south everyone gets married young. I remember
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hitting 23 and thinking I was an old maid and
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people letting me know time was ticking. When
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I moved to California and people found out that
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I'd already been engaged and called off a wedding
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multiple times by the time I was 21, they were
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shocked and told me I was way too young to be
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getting married and that my parents should not
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have allowed those choices. I didn't know how
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to explain to them that it was normal to get
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married young in the South and that my parents
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and family didn't just allow it but encouraged
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it. As I hit 24, 25, and 26, people in SoCal
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told me all the time I was still too young to
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be married and to wait until I was much older.
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To be honest, it made me feel pretty good about
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myself and much less like an old maid until I'd
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go home for a visit and then it would make me
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second -guess myself and I would backtrack. Our
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culture is changing. People are living longer,
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getting married later in life, after our frontal
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lobe has developed, and are being able to get
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pregnant at an older age too. We're becoming
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a little less confined by age, time, and culture
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every day. Now, anytime someone finds out I'm
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single at the ripe age of 28 here in the South,
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they say, Don't worry, you've got time. And I
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say with all my confidence, oh I'm not, because
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I really truly am not. But again, after that,
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they love to ask me if I've at least tried the
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dating apps. Everyone, whether young or old,
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people act like it's this huge revolutionary
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idea, and it's so clear to me that they've never
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seen a dating app in their life. The dating apps
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suck, okay? You get on there, you start off looking
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for your type or top quality traits, you would
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want a significant other. Then slowly, at least
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for me, you start to settle for a little outside
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your type, and depending on the quality traits,
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you start to settle on that too. Don't even get
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me started on the guys who swipe on you, especially
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on Hinge. Hinge needs to be burned to the ground
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and buried six feet under. Okay y 'all, it does
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and I will stand on that hill. And I know a lot
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of us feel that way and someone needs to tell
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them that it is definitely the app to delete
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because it affects our mental health. I digress.
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So anyways, back to the Hinge guys that swipe
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on you. Because those guys will take every ounce
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of confidence you've ever had Really, I think
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when I see their profiles Why the heck did they
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even think they ever had a chance with me or
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bro? Look at you and then look at me and then
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I start to think well Maybe I don't see myself
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correctly and they should have a shot with me
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and then I delete hinge a week later again I
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know I'm not the only girl who has experienced
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that though because I've had other girlfriends
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say the same exact thing to me There are profiles
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saying that they are 30, looking for a long -term
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relationship, not serious, and wants to get married.
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Sometimes here in the South, it will also say
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something about Jesus, followed by a picture
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of them at some raunchy club in Vegas. And in
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small towns, you and all your friends end up
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talking to the same guys at the same time and
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low -key, that just feels so weird and awkward
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to me. I can't do it anymore. If you do end up
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seeing a guy with a profile that catches your
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eye and you all match, then you head to stage
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2. trying to get the conversation started. Sometimes
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they respond, sometimes they send you their snap
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and say that they would really only respond on
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there. And sometimes they are the most dry conversationalist
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that you've ever talked to and you pray for a
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sprinkle of rain just to have something to work
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with. Now, say we get lucky and they can hold
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a conversation. Then we move to stage three,
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getting a date. I swear some people use these
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apps as an emotional filler for their life because
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they don't have friends or a life But I, for
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one, am too busy to sit and talk with you all
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day not knowing if we will actually hit it off
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in person or not. But we score a date and go
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to stage four. We've met a man who likes to actually
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meet in person like a normal human being. Rare
10:26
for 2025. But one of a few things happen. He
10:30
could hold a conversation over the phone but
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not in person and you find yourself doing all
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the work. Another is you ask him questions and
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he clearly doesn't seem to care enough to get
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to know you so he doesn't ask them in return
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and the man only knows how to talk about himself.
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And finally sometimes when we're lucky we meet
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a guy who can hold a conversation, ask you questions,
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and maybe just maybe brought you flowers. Score!
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Well, actually, things aren't always what they
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seem. Flowers and all. I met and casually dated
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plenty of guys from dating apps. None have ever
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known anyone I knew, so it wasn't like we would
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ever meet or could ever meet through friends.
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Overall, by the time we'd get to an actual date,
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I'd say most of them, a high percentage of them,
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were really great guys, just not for me. Like
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for example, I've learned that I can't be with
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an introvert because I feel like I have to do
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all the social work and that's exhausting for
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me. They have to deeply love Jesus and others,
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not afraid to fly on planes, yes, believe it
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or not, that's a deal breaker for me, and be
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my cheerleader, not someone who will hold me
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back but encourage me. Seems simple enough, right?
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Well, I thought it was impossible until I met
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this guy last year on a Christian dating app.
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We will call him Jay. Jay reached out to me and
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we had a great text combo flow and he understood
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I couldn't text every minute of the day because
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I was behind the chair non -stop for hours sometimes
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and wouldn't have a chance to respond. Jay pretty
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quickly asked for a phone call. What was supposed
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to be a 30 minute phone call turned into two
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hours. He would take the words out of my mouth
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before I could speak them. He'd ask questions
12:00
that I was waiting to ask him to know his stance
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on things. He told me how much his family meant
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to him and that he could tell I was very close
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with mine as well. Jay told me that he wanted
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to be a great leader for his family, but also
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not hold his future wife back but encourage her
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and push her to go after whatever her dreams
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were. He talked about his love for Jesus and
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how it impacts his love for others. We hung up
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that phone call. I school wheeled and said thank
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you Jesus. I can't believe someone like this
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exists in the world. The next day he was asking
12:30
to meet in person. That was hard because he lived
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in Raleigh and I lived here. I did go to Raleigh
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a lot but the only trip I had planned out there
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was for a wedding that weekend and I wouldn't
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be back there until late August. Jay was so determined
12:43
to meet that he cancelled the plans he had on
12:46
Saturday morning of the wedding that I was going
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to to meet me in a small town 45 minutes outside
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of Raleigh for coffee. We had made plans to meet
12:54
for an hour and then I would leave and go to
12:55
the wedding. I got to the coffee shop and waited
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and waited and waited. I was texting a guy friend
13:01
and said I was pretty sure I was being stood
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up. I mean, this guy was 20 minutes late and
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didn't respond to my last two texts, the first
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being the good old I'm here text and the second
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text after 10 minutes of waiting. What's your
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ETA? Just as I hit the 30 minute mark and I was
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packing up my things to leave and plan to block
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his number when I got to my car, he walked in.
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He was like, hi, oh gosh, I'm so sorry I was
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late. I missed a turn and had to pull a yui and
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then got stuck at a light where there was an
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accident. Oh, I brought you flowers. I also got
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you a jar with water to put them in because I
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knew you were traveling today, so it should help
13:35
keep them alive. Um, girl, my jaw was on the
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ground. I obviously said, oh, no problem. Thank
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you so much for the flowers. That's so thoughtful.
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Jay then proceeded to get in line and grab coffee.
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and he stopped to make conversation with two
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random old ladies sitting down near him where
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he was waiting. I thought to myself, OMG, so
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sweet. He's not just all words but action too.
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Ugh, a dream. He got his coffee and we talked
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and talked and talked until I was basically late
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for the wedding. Later that week, though, things
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took a turn. Jay called me. On that phone call,
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he told me how his brother had visited him but
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had to leave early. He let me know that he prayed
14:16
over his brother and sent his brother a super
14:18
long text over how he prayed over him, but that
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his brother said that the text was too long and
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since he was driving he wouldn't have a chance
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to read it. So, Jay sent it to him in a voice
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message as well. He let me know that his brother
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texted him back and said, wow, that saved my
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life. It changed everything. Jay went on and
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on and on, letting me know how his prayer must
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have saved his brother's life. Who knows what
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choices he would have made if he hadn't prayed
14:42
over him, and that his brother said that he's
14:45
the best out of all the siblings, that Jay had
14:48
had the biggest impact on him even though he
14:49
was the youngest. And truly again, what would
14:52
his older brother have done if he didn't send
14:54
him that prayer? because who knows what decisions
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he would have made and he really is just such
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a great guy. He can tell that God is using him
15:01
in that way. I basically said, yep, that's amazing
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that we can pray and God can use it. What seems
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so basic to us as Christians and normal can have
15:10
such a big impact on someone we love. Jay did
15:13
not like that answer and he said, well, you seem
15:15
busy and he hung up the phone. We made plans
15:18
for him to visit and stay at an Airbnb the next
15:20
weekend. On a call leading up to that trip, I
15:23
confessed to Jay that I had totally tried to
15:25
stalk his social media, but that he was private.
15:28
I mentioned that three of my closest cousins
15:29
follow him, and he asked who they were. When
15:31
I said their names, he didn't really recognize
15:33
them, so we moved on. As it got closer to his
15:36
visit, we started making plans on things we would
15:38
do while he was here. He didn't really like being
15:40
sandy, so the beach was not going to be the main
15:42
event. He scheduled his dates wrong, so church
15:45
was off the list, so we settled for food, coffee
15:47
shops, and walking around downtown. Jay also
15:50
said he would like to do a movie night and that
15:52
I could just stay with him, which is when I informed
15:55
him that I won't be doing that because I'm currently
15:57
saving myself for marriage and if that's a deal
15:59
breaker that I totally understand. Jay said that
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he loved that I was doing that and that he respected
16:04
my choice. A few days later before his trip,
16:08
I couldn't let go of the fact that my cousin
16:10
followed him on Instagram because they aren't
16:12
the type to follow strangers so I reached out
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to one of them and asked how he knew Jay. He
16:17
said that he'd known Jay for years, doesn't see
16:19
him a lot but often enough, and that he was pretty
16:22
sure I'd met Jay before through him at a church
16:24
I would visit. He also said that Jay was roommates
16:26
with one of my childhood friends. Okay, weird.
16:29
I brushed it off and moved on. When Jay came
16:32
for his trip, a couple things started to rub
16:33
me the wrong way. First, we went to lunch and
16:36
he was really rude to our server. I'm always
16:38
big on being kind to those who are serving us.
16:40
Well, really everyone around us. So he would
16:43
cut our server short and almost speak down to
16:45
her and it made me really uncomfortable. We went
16:48
into HomeGoods and he kind of started to do the
16:50
same thing with me. At first I thought maybe
16:52
he was just nervous, but the way he was speaking
16:54
to me rubbed me the wrong way. After we left
16:57
HomeGoods they didn't have what I was looking
16:58
for. He suggested we go to TJ Maxx. I let him
17:01
know that it really wasn't that serious, that
17:03
I was getting close to when I needed to go home
17:04
so that I could get ready for Bible study. As
17:07
we got in the car I asked him if he wanted to
17:09
stop for a coffee. He said, nope, we're going
17:11
to TJ Maxx. I figured he'd forgotten something.
17:14
So as we went into TJ Maxx, we started shopping
17:17
around. I asked him, are you looking for a belt?
17:19
Do you need socks? He said, no, no. And then
17:22
he said, well, I did forget something at home.
17:25
I was like, oh my gosh, well, what did you forget?
17:26
And he goes, well, I get deals with sports brands
17:30
and I meant to bring you some sports bras. Um,
17:33
excuse me, sir. You've known me for just a few
17:36
weeks. Yeah, we talk every day, but I'm not your
17:38
girlfriend. How would you even approach asking
17:40
me what size my bra is? What? Weird." So I ignored
17:44
his comment and we just kept walking. As we walked
17:47
into an aisle, I said, oh, well, while we're
17:49
here, I guess we'll see if they have what I'm
17:50
looking for back at Home Goods. As I was stepping
17:53
into that aisle, y 'all, he said, you see, sometimes
17:56
you need to make decisions for your partner.
17:58
But even though they say they don't want to go
17:59
to the second store, you go anyways because you
18:01
know what's best for them. Uh, excuse me? I pivoted.
18:06
Like, two -step line dance pivoted and stepped
18:09
right out of the aisle. That, no. I am not the
18:12
girl and that's not how you have that conversation
18:14
with me. Weird. We're not that serious. Let's
18:17
take a step back. So I texted him after the trip
18:20
and I let Jay know I appreciate getting to know
18:22
him, but that I didn't think we were the best
18:25
fit and good luck. He never responded. Well,
18:28
until he disliked my message a couple weeks ago,
18:30
from almost a year later, but y 'all have already
18:33
heard about that. So yeah, you can match with
18:36
someone on the apps, you can talk, hit every
18:38
mark, and hit it off in person, but then we learn
18:40
why they are single, or we decide we'd rather
18:43
stay single. My poor mom would hear my crazy
18:46
dating stories and actually a few times asked
18:49
me to stop telling her and at the end of every
18:51
story she'd say Wow, you're so strong and so
18:54
bold to keep going out there and trying to date,
18:57
babe. You just keep putting yourself out there.
18:59
I'd say, yeah, thanks. And then move on because
19:02
I didn't feel bold or strong. I felt tired and
19:05
hopeless. I got tired of going on dates with
19:08
guys that would show up one way and then another,
19:11
asking all the questions and doing all the conversational
19:13
work, being honest about who I am in my life
19:16
and getting blindsided by them, having a secret
19:19
kid or dropping that they do coke casually. I
19:22
mean, I'm meant to be in my soft, confident girl
19:24
era, not the era from single girls hell. So clearly,
19:28
I gave up on the dating apps. What's that saying
19:30
about insanity? Oh yeah, doing the same thing
19:33
over and over again and expecting a different
19:35
outcome? People ask me if I'm in any groups at
19:38
church to meet a man. Yes, I'm in group, but
19:41
not to meet a man. I'm kind of scarred from young
19:44
adult church group men. I went to a church that
19:46
the guys would have meetings and call dibs on
19:48
girls that they weren't interested in. If a guy
19:51
called dibs on you, whether you knew he existed
19:54
or had no clue he even breathed the same air
19:57
as you on this earth, no other guy in the group
19:59
was allowed to ask you out until the one who
20:01
called dibs gave up his dibs. I only found out
20:04
because a guy friend called me after one of these
20:06
meetings to let me know what went down one night.
20:08
They claimed that they had these meetings to
20:10
avoid creating drama in the group. I had been
20:13
in a different small group in my life where a
20:15
guy that I had spoken to a few times told people
20:17
that God told him I was his future wife. and
20:20
that if I didn't go out with him, he would unalive
20:22
himself. I'm not the type to be forced into doing
20:25
something, much less emotionally abused into
20:28
doing something, and I didn't take it serious.
20:31
Truthfully, I didn't want to deal with him, or
20:33
it, so I just avoided him at all cost. Well,
20:36
I found out that he did try to unalive himself
20:39
through a common acquaintance. I've had church
20:42
group guys use what they know of me from what
20:44
I've shared in group to get closer to me and
20:46
emotionally manipulate me as a friend. Then they
20:49
get mad, actually mad, when they find out that
20:51
they aren't my type and that I won't be dating
20:53
them when they're the one who asked, Hey Annalise,
20:56
what's your type? Oh, so you aren't into me and
20:59
wouldn't date a guy like me? Wow, that's so hateful
21:02
for you to lead me on as a friend and let me
21:04
think I had a chance and I can't believe you're
21:05
not attracted to me, how dare you? Or it went
21:08
something like that. It was very dramatic on
21:10
his end. You might wonder if I've tried to meet
21:12
guys in the wild. Well, yes, kind of. I guess,
21:16
but the only time I'm out in the wild is the
21:18
bars, and I've learned that the guys I attract
21:20
at the bars with my RBF are not the guys I'd
21:23
see in church the next day. I know I need to
21:25
sign up for a sport or something, but I'm just
21:27
not athletic and I'm very clumsy, like walk on
21:30
the sidewalk, trip, and break an ankle type of
21:33
clumsy. Here's the thing y 'all, I really enjoy
21:36
being single. I'm so at peace and really comfortable,
21:40
I don't rely on another person to make me happy
21:42
or feel complete. Yes, there are times I want
21:44
to be cuddled so bad I could cry or do cry, and
21:47
I do get tired of doing life by myself and making
21:49
big choices by myself for this life. Of course
21:53
I'd love to have someone outside of my mom to
21:55
share my wins or Jesus moments with. And yes,
21:58
I feel the pressure to be with someone so all
22:00
my relationship friends will stop worrying about
22:02
me and I might get invited to the couples trip
22:04
that was planned for Mexico right in front of
22:07
me. But for the big giant part of my life, I
22:10
do really enjoy being single and if you don't
22:12
make my life better or enhance it somehow, why
22:15
would I let you into it just to ruin what I have
22:17
going for me? I know a lot of us don't enjoy
22:20
being single. It's something you wish you could
22:22
rush through, see the finish line for. You feel
22:24
like if you can go on enough dates the numbers
22:26
will have to be in your favor eventually and
22:28
you'll find someone. Someone to go on walks with,
22:30
check out a coffee shop with, cuddle and watch
22:32
a movie on a rainy day, or take with you to dinner
22:35
with all of the other couple friends. Someone
22:37
to give you comfort and make you feel loved.
22:40
When I stop trying to date... to fill whatever
22:42
need I thought I had to make other people happy.
22:45
When I gave up on feeling like I had to have
22:47
fun single girl stories or horror dating stories
22:50
to keep those entertained around me, I gained
22:52
so much peace. Instead of going on a date in
22:55
my free time, I get to go get a new book and
22:58
read by the pool. I'd go for a sunset walk at
23:00
the beach. I'd take myself out on a date. Instead
23:03
of making sure I'm responding to messages from
23:05
some guy I don't even know but feel like I owe
23:07
time to, I spend more time getting to know myself,
23:10
journaling from deep, prompted questions, or
23:13
doing a craft. People ask me if I'm dating anyone,
23:16
and instead of feeling weird, giving my latest
23:18
dating horror story as to why I'm currently single
23:21
or feel like I need to prove I'm wanted, I now
23:23
confidently just laugh softly, mourn to myself,
23:26
and say no and move on. Do you relate to me in
23:29
the sense that you're living your single life
23:31
for fear of others and what they think? Fears
23:34
of the future or insecurities? Maybe feeling
23:36
left behind? Are you waiting for a relationship
23:39
to start living? Are you waiting to check things
23:41
off your list once you have a boyfriend? Do you
23:44
feel like you get more done and be able to do
23:46
more once you have him? Are you only finding
23:49
joy is in big moments and still thinking, this
23:51
would be so much better if I was married? Do
23:53
you find it keeping you from truly enjoying the
23:55
life you're living in this very moment? I know
23:58
I keep saying this, but I truly do enjoy being
24:00
single. This is such a precious season. Typically
24:03
you only hear Christian married women say that,
24:06
but I'm saying it to you as someone in it. As
24:09
a single girl in her late 20s, I get to travel
24:12
whenever with whoever I want. I don't have to
24:14
confirm plans or let my boyfriend know I won't
24:17
be in town one week to make sure it doesn't interfere
24:19
with his life too. I can travel with my girlfriends,
24:22
my brother, my guy friends, and I don't have
24:23
to worry about how someone else might feel about
24:25
it. I can eat my girl dinner in peace and not
24:28
be told it's not enough food for a real meal.
24:30
I get to do things on my own timeline and clock
24:33
and not playing around someone else's throughout
24:35
my day or week or year. I get to talk to my guy
24:38
friends and spend time with them in peace and
24:40
not have to explain the boundaries we've set
24:42
and that they are just an extension of my family
24:44
at this point for me. I get to shop and believe
24:47
retail therapy is real. In fact, you know what?
24:50
Girl math is real. No one's asking what I want
24:53
for food all the time and getting mad when I
24:55
really don't know what I want. I don't wait for
24:58
my boyfriend to fix it. or do whatever I asked
25:00
and then just end up doing it myself because
25:03
I literally just do it myself or pay someone
25:06
to do it and then it's done. I get to have silly
25:09
girl wine nights and yapp for hours. I'm not
25:12
stressed over someone else's family drama. I
25:14
get to invest more time in my body and health.
25:16
I get to pick up and drop hobbies as quickly
25:19
as I'd like. I watch as many chick flicks as
25:21
I like. I can literally sit in silence and do
25:24
nothing and no one can question it. I want to
25:27
go and try somewhere new. I don't have to wait
25:29
around for them to be available to do it. I just
25:32
do it. That's honestly just to name a few for
25:35
myself. We all have different things that will
25:37
bring us peace and joy or make us feel more at
25:39
peace. To me, disturbing my peace and life isn't
25:43
worth it until you show me you're worth it, that
25:46
you add to it and won't be taking away from it.
25:49
If you're someone I have to question your intentions
25:51
or integrity, then you aren't for me. Living
25:54
a life with uncertainty about the person you
25:56
are with, how they love you, treat you, or are
25:59
they cheating on you, demanding your time, not
26:01
cheering you on, not bringing you closer to Jesus,
26:04
or they're taking your peace, then they aren't
26:07
worth being with. Boy, bye. I'd rather be single
26:10
and alone than in a relationship and lonely.
26:13
My season of singleness is my best chance and
26:16
time to cultivate and produce fruit. This is
26:18
when I have the most time to not only do the
26:21
things I want, but also be with others. I have
26:25
free time to serve in my community. I have time
26:27
to lead Bible study and go to small group, and
26:29
when people say, wow, that's a lot, I say, yeah,
26:32
well, I literally have nothing else to do with
26:34
my time, but go home and watch TV alone. I can
26:37
meet with girls last minute for dinner who need
26:39
advice or someone to listen. I'm able to make
26:41
a meal and drive 40 minutes one way to a mama
26:43
who just had her first baby on a random Thursday.
26:46
I get to pack my house full of girls and make
26:49
space for us to cry. share fears, or pray over
26:52
each other. I'm allowed to share moments of joy
26:54
and sadness with others and be fully present
26:56
with them. I have the opportunity to let God
26:59
show me where He wants me or what He wants me
27:01
to do, to act when He asks me to act, to take
27:04
chances only He can ask me to take on a leap
27:07
of faith, or to show that I am faithful to Him.
27:09
I've been in relationships, I've seriously dated,
27:12
and I've casually dated. At the beginning of
27:14
the episode, I told you I've even been engaged
27:16
and almost got married. No matter what level
27:19
of relationship I was in, I was still busy with
27:22
the relationship. It still consumed my time,
27:24
my thoughts, my ability to do things last minute
27:27
with others. I wasn't as present with God, still
27:30
with God in present, but not as present as I
27:33
am single. I'm limited in what I'm willing or
27:36
able to do when in a relationship, because you
27:39
plan your life a little different when you're
27:40
dating, working towards marriage, or married
27:43
planning for a baby. When single I'm almost limitless
27:47
with what I can or can't do. To be very honest
27:50
I realized recently over the last few weeks that
27:53
I used to only be protective over my peace and
27:56
not wanting that to be disturbed by someone not
27:58
worth it, but I found that I also have a new
28:00
fear too. I'm scared that if I meet someone I
28:03
won't be able to run after the things God has
28:05
placed on my heart for his kingdom. I'll slow
28:08
down and forget or get distracted and I really
28:11
don't want that to happen because it has happened
28:13
before. You might have this fear too and can
28:16
relate. Or you think I should just stay single
28:18
since I enjoy it so much and don't want to be
28:21
distracted from what God placed on my heart.
28:23
But God has also placed on my heart to be a wife,
28:25
a mom, and a grandma. To love my husband and
28:28
my children so well that it brings others to
28:30
know God and His love. To have my family be a
28:33
natural bright light in this dark world. But
28:35
who I do that with would have to be a very special
28:37
person. And I won't place that weight on someone
28:40
else who is only human like myself. So, I've
28:44
found, or God has given me peace in my singleness.
28:48
I'm not in a rush to find someone. The clock
28:50
isn't ticking. I don't feel weird about being
28:52
28 and one of the only single friends left. I
28:56
see all the things I get to do because I'm single
28:58
and free to do it. I'm not looking to mingle.
29:01
I've done all the mingling a girl can do at the
29:03
moment. I'm enjoying my peace time, my quiet
29:06
time, my slow time, and my fruit producing time.
29:10
I promise I don't think a man will just come
29:13
knocking at my door, but God could do that if
29:15
he wanted to. I decided to not worry about tomorrow
29:19
or the next day. As my friend Bailey says, don't
29:22
block your blessing. And that can relate to a
29:24
lot of different things. She was saying it in
29:27
the case of don't date a guy just to have someone
29:30
when the one, the blessing God has for you is
29:33
just waiting for that scrub of a block to be
29:35
gone. So I ain't gonna have any blocks in my
29:38
way. I hope if you're stressed or restless about
29:41
being single that you find rest and peace in
29:43
it. Maybe you can relate to me and many others.
29:46
If anything I said hits home for you in your
29:48
heart, I hope you find encouragement. If you
29:51
enjoy being single and feel weird or like you're
29:53
the only one, just know I can relate. Maybe you're
29:56
just exhausted from our dating culture and have
29:58
decided to step back from it. If that's the case,
30:01
I hope you find some good ideas on how to just
30:03
sit in the stillness and enjoy it. I personally
30:06
feel like everyone around me wants me to be dating,
30:09
have a boyfriend, get out there. But when it
30:11
stopped being fun and I was emotionally exhausted
30:13
and weighed down by it and what I felt others'
30:16
expectations were of me for it, I know something
30:19
was wrong and it had to change. When I felt peace
30:22
from stepping out of the dating scene and decided
30:24
to just be well with me, that felt weird too
30:28
at first. I'm supposed to want to date, go on
30:30
dates, talk to someone. That's what single people
30:33
do. But being single isn't a hobby, it's not
30:36
something we can or should pick up and put down
30:38
when we feel like it. I like how I spend my time
30:41
now better. And yes, I have moments of feeling
30:44
lonely, but I read a quote that said, loneliness
30:46
is the lack of knowing oneself. When I went on
30:49
the journey of getting to know myself, I stopped
30:52
feeling so lonely, and like I needed someone
30:54
to know me, love me, choose me. If you know that
30:57
movie quote, please let me know because me and
31:00
one of my friends keep saying it and we can't
31:01
figure out where we know it from. When I liked
31:04
how I spent my time better, I started enjoying
31:06
all the other big and little things around me
31:09
and finally felt joy and peace while being single.
31:13
Okay, let's pray. or help her find ways to enjoy
31:35
it. And if she's hating it, dreading it Lord,
31:37
let her see you and see what you can do with
31:40
her during this season. Have her see the benefit
31:42
of being single during this time because the
31:44
truth is, is it's not forever. It might feel
31:47
like it, but nothing really is forever. As that
31:51
she gets to see your heart and find ways of really
31:54
diving into life. Diving into herself, getting
31:58
to know herself on a deeper level and letting
32:00
her get to know you too on a deeper level. that
32:03
she becomes so acquainted with who she is, her
32:05
joys, her loves, her pieces, that she knows that
32:09
this has been a precious time, that she doesn't
32:11
look back on her singleness and wish that she
32:13
had done more, valued it more, taken advantage
32:16
of it more, spent more time in it, and more time
32:18
with you, but that she walks away from her singleness
32:22
knowing that she got to do everything. She didn't
32:24
spend the whole time wishing she wasn't single,
32:27
but she spent the whole time present in her life
32:29
and enjoying it. I ask that she is someone who
32:32
enjoys it, Lord, and is fully enjoying it, that
32:34
you show her new ways to enjoy it even more,
32:36
that she continues to find little surprises in
32:39
her singleness, that are such a blessing in the
32:41
end. In Jesus' name, amen. Alright y 'all, that's
32:55
all I have for you. Thank you so much for listening
32:57
to the Living Free Podcast. If you want to get
33:00
connected, you can find me on Instagram at HannahLizD
33:03
or email me at livingfreepod at gmail .com. If
33:07
you're loving the podcast, I'd be so honored
33:09
if you go ahead and hit that subscribe button
33:11
and leave me a review. And if you have feedback
33:14
or a subject you'd like me to cover, please email
33:16
or DM me on Instagram. Again, thank you so much
33:20
for listening and I hope you feel encouraged,
33:22
lighter, and more at peace today. Bye y 'all.
33:35
you