Latest / The Missing Secret Podcast / The Art Of Listening

Transcript

The Art Of Listening · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:04
  Kelly Hatfield: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our full potential.
• 0:18
  John Mitchell: Are you living up to your potential? Are you frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
• 0:32
  Kelly Hatfield: If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch what happens.
• 0:59
  Welcome to Think It Be It the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
• 1:04
  John Mitchell: Hey. And I'm John Michell. So Kelly, here's our idea today that we should talk about, let's talk about the art of listening. How's that sound? What was that? Yeah, case in point, case in point. I had to do it. Yes, it was good. That's good. What do you say? So this, let me let me set the stage for this. So I interviewed the athletic director for the University of Texas last week, and part of my monthly or weekly program for the head coaches. And one of the things that came out of it is he was talking about the art of listening and, and how important it is and how he has really strived to get better at it. And it was interesting, because back in August, I had a series of masterminds with the different head coaches come over to my house, and we'd sit out on the deck on the lake, and I would have them share their, their wisdom with each other. And one of the things since the athletic director is their boss, they all had a thought or two about him. And they would typically say, he doesn't listen to him as much as he, as they would like him to. And of course, I'm here and as from both sides now. And I'm thinking well, you know, as the athletic director, his job is to tell you this to that, that, you know, he's got an agenda, but also see the power of, of listening. And I see that you're in exactly the same position that that CDC is in, in that, hey, that's the athletic director, that, you know, you've got a team of people that you're have to convey a message to a consistent message to Yeah, you also have to listen, and I'm sort of curious, how do you balance the two?
• 3:12
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, and I think there's a fine balance. But I it really does start with listening. And I know, people, if you're listening to these episodes, you've heard me say it once, and I'm gonna say we're more than once, and I'm gonna say it again. But that seeking first to understand, you know, and if you've got challenges in your business, if you've got, if you're trying to persuade or influence your team to move in a certain direction, you need to understand their perspective. And you need to understand all of the moving parts, I think one of the mistakes often that leaders make is they get up into this leadership role, and they get so disconnected with what's happening in the day to day and kind of like boots on the ground, that maybe your idea sounds in a perfect world. It's a great idea. But when you get down to the practicality of whether it's that something that can really be implemented within the organization, effectively, you find out that if you're talking, you know, if you're listening to your people, and you're asking the right questions, you start to uncover where maybe some of the, the hitches in that plan might be, you know, and so I think it is a very fine balance between, okay, I want the team to move in a certain direction. But I also need to understand like all of the moving parts and make sure that the direction I'm moving the team in is is, you know, make sense is feasible, and that I can get them excited about it. So understanding their perspective and where they're coming from, is the first place really to start and that's where, again, you know, I'll say this again, too, as a leader, the importance of your people Your team feeling seen and heard is, I mean, makes all the difference in the world. You know, when you really look at your bottom line, I mean, it affects everything, it affects your ability to retain your staff, it affects your ability to, to engage your team and to, you know, really get them continuing to advance within the organization. I mean, there's so many pieces to it there. So I'll quit talking now. But I know that was a really long answer to your question.
• 5:31
  John Mitchell: You know, you laid out a great truth bomb on us, I think, this idea that you had to make your employees feel seen and heard. And I relate that back to my good friend that went high school with who was the CEO of Chili's, and had, like, 120,000 people working for him. And he had sort of that same core philosophy in that he felt like it was his boss's job to know, every single person know, what their personal interests were take an interest in, in their personal interests, you know, if they were a Cowboy fan, and then, you know, ask him about the Cowboys, if they, you know, whatever it was just know what, what their interest is. And, and it goes back to what you said, you know, seek to understand before seeking to to be understood, so you got to, you got to make them feel like, they matter to you that you know, um, and that has to happen before whatever message you're going to try and deliver to them can happen. Right,
• 6:39
  Kelly Hatfield: Right. Well, it's the Think about your influence or persuasion, so much of leadership, like if I were to distill leadership down to one word, it would be influence. Yeah, that's what you're doing. You're you are you're leading, you're influencing a group of people toward, you know, an aim. Right. And, you know, and so I think that you can do that you can influence and persuade so much better when you understand all of the moving parts and what makes somebody tick. And, you know, and and so I think that's the important in, you know, also to I mean, I don't know, I think these are people, you know. So, yeah, I just think that listening, the ability to listen, I think, is one of the most important traits that a leader needs to possess, is it because it's that important to understand and to be able to do to influence and to persuade? How can you do that if you don't have a full picture of, you know, the scenario or the situation or really have a clear understanding of the psychology of your team and kind of what's going to help move things forward?
• 7:50
  John Mitchell: Right, right. You know, it's interesting when I was talking to the athletic director last week, you know, for everybody that's tied close to the University of Texas, we have school song, The Eyes of Texas, and a couple of years ago, there was a big uproar over it, because this back in the Black Lives Matter thing. And you know, all that a couple of years ago, the school song became came under fire, because back in the 30s, or 20s, probably the 1920s it was performed in blackface. NASM saw a racist in the words themselves, but it was performed in blackface. And so that caused a big uproar. And yeah, the alumni was all bent out of shape, because the teams didn't want to sing it, you know, athletes, so it's a big thing. And we thought it was all passed. And, and it's still there, some of it still today. But he was the athletic director was saying that he really made him step back and really listen, what are they saying? What are they really saying? And I think that the lesson is that we live in a society where we're moving so fast, that we're losing some of the basics to step back and really listen to people. What are they saying to me? What are they really saying? What's their emotion? That's coming from what they're saying? And I'm curious, how do you how do you listen to your team? I know you probably consciously do it probably in your visualization.
• 9:33
  Kelly Hatfield: I have. I've trained myself to do it. Because I had to override, you know, that subconscious, but here's what it is. And I'll use the example of a team meeting we had, we have a monthly level 10 meeting with our team and we were talking about goals and knowing your numbers and those kinds of things. And there were a lot of excuses being made, you know, and so, listening to those was and asking additional questions. So you just mentioned that you, you know, like, whatever the particular scenario was, so help me understand better, you know why you feel like that set you off course for, like, so I'm using it to as an opportunity to coach and for and to, for them to think through what it Because oftentimes, you know, a lot of the time to I'll say is that true? You know, I mean, when you really think about that, is that true? You know? Or could that be maybe a story you're telling yourself about? You know, that's powerful? Yeah, I think that for me, I do that by asking, again, it's seeking first to understand I'll be like something will typically what happens is, I will physiologically, like excuses drive me nuts, and lack of accountability, here in a conversation that pop up my physiology like it's like, it's like nails on a chalkboard, right? That's a cue for me. And I've trained myself that when that happens, because it was easy for me in the past, to be able to just go in hard on something like that. But to pull back to train myself through this methodology, to start asking questions and get them to get there, not through me telling them and doing what I normally would have done was it would have go was go hard at it right then to get there on their own. And then now they bought into the process and to the sort of potential solution to the situation, and it gets them thinking and going hmm, versus me trying to shove it down their throats, you know, in a way. And so I think that's, I'm not sure I answered your question. But really it is. I feel it my body. And then I begin to ask the questions that pull out and take them on a path to, you know, to either solving the situation or seeing it on their own without me pointing it out to them, because they're verbalizing it and going, oh, you know what, I say that out loud. That actually really isn't great. Right?
• 12:07
  John Mitchell: Well, you know, I think the beauty of what you do is you make them think, yeah, as opposed to telling them, you're making them think and come to to the conclusion you want them to come to without you telling them? Yeah. Which is really hard to do, you know, like you say, it's built around questions, questions, make them think and, you know, I think it probably is pertains to the same thing you and I were talking to you before we started recording about this idea of URI might get in front of a bunch of entrepreneurs and talk about your mindset. And, you know, I was telling you that that, you know, I've evolved to saying to people today that your success in life, and your enjoyment of life comes down to the quality of your thoughts that are going on in your head on an ongoing basis. And you know, everybody will agree to that. And say that's true. Yet. On the flip side, I found that only 2% of people do anything to impact their mindset, even really sharp people, I find that to be true. And I see that dichotomy. And I'm just sort of curious, how do you take what we're talking about in terms of, well, maybe answer my own question. So when I lay that out, there I go, think about what you want to accomplish, what is it you want to accomplish? And so I get them going on that? And then I go, Well, let's look at your morning routine is is that serving you? Or not? You know, and, but but even even that approach, I think, does make them think, but, you know, are they really going to do anything about it? That's sort of the challenge. What do you what's your take on that?
• 14:06
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think it's what we've talked about where you need to have a system, you can consistently so here's how we do it. So I do this, it's called a one year look back. And basically what it is, is I asked the team member to pretend like it's a year from now. And we're sitting down and we're having a conversation and you're telling me about all of the great things that you accomplished this year. And all the goals you hit and all the things that you did and you know, and so we go through basically, in essence, they're starting to build goal in reverse, right? So then we kind of narrow it down and I'm like, Well, why would having these things be important to you? You know, so we do that. And then we talk about what skills do you need to develop? Do you need for that to become a reality, you know, and so then we build their personal development and their growth plan. Over the skill sets that they're going to need to achieve the the goals that they set for themselves. Right. So, so there's a real system, you know, systematic approach to it. It's part of our culture I hire for a growth mindset. And but that's how we nurture it within our culture is by doing that. And so that's the key, you've got to have a, you got to have a system. All right. Life happens, you know, like, Yeah, I know, you 10 years go by and you haven't read a book, you know?
• 15:30
  John Mitchell: Right, right. Well, you know that. And you know, that's a perfect example, because I know, you got that from something that you and I both were aware of a few years ago, I forget where it came from. But it was brilliant. Remember? Do you remember where it came from? I guess, was it Russell Brunson?
• 15:51
  Kelly Hatfield: I will I know, Dean Grazi OC, does something and I know, the two of them are connected? I think I've taken little bits and pieces from different influencers. And, you know, and leadership experts and, you know, kind of adapted it. But that's yeah. But that's,
• 16:06
  John Mitchell: That's a perfect example. Great idea. You heard it, then you applied it. And it's it's become part of your culture. But it happened because because you had a system for personal growth. Yeah. And, you know, that is powerful. And you know, and of course, you have a system for like, we were talking about earlier, listening, you're feeding that in our TV, 12 minutes a day technique to yourself every day, to listen and seek to be understood. Well, of course, it happens. Because you know, you're programming your subconscious mind to do it. Yeah. So you got a system. So the system
• 16:49
  Kelly Hatfield: It really does, and your brain thrives on that we talk about this all the time, your brain thrives on order. Now you can do to create some of these and like, take all of the work out of it for your brain. Like the more kind of in flow you become, and these things are just happening automatically. And you that autopilots working for you rather than against you, but the mind thrives on order. And so that's what I tried to do it as soon as you taught that concept to me several years ago. It's like, okay, how do I create more order in my, in my mind, and like my stress level? Even though I've got lots of balls in the air, right? I mean, 100% manageable because my brain, you know, it looks like my desk is very, like there's order in it.
• 17:37
  John Mitchell: You know, of course you feel order if you're feeding the saint articulation of your life to yourself each day. No, of course there's order.
• 17:45
  Kelly Hatfield: I have a path my brain knows exactly where it needs to focus on every day.
• 17:50
  John Mitchell: Yeah, yeah. That's the beauty of it. No, okay. Well, I think we've covered this topic. Well, and so until next time, we'll see you
• 18:01
  Kelly Hatfield: soon. Thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at kelly@thinkitbeit.com john@thinkitbeit.com In the meantime, live the exceptional life