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Why Confidence Never Comes First · The Endurance Athlete Journey

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome everyone to the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Kush Justin.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode 98 of the Endurance Athlete Journey.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: And this past weekend, uh I actually spent some time watching the Unbound Gravel Race on YouTube.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't normally watch gravel races, and I just kind of got into the sport of gravel racing.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I just bought a gravel bike last year.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I've only done one race, but I really enjoy riding it.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to come to you today with this topic of fear.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that I feel like this is something that I want to talk about is the unbound gravel race is something that I've wanted to do and I've had it on my bucket list for a couple years now.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But every year that the lottery comes up to put your name in to get a slot for the race, I just I never put my name in.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: I always find an excuse to not do it.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not ready.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel comfortable on my gravel bike yet.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, sitting back in my head, I said, what if I fail?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And what if I get out there and I'm way underprepared relative to everybody else, and I end up getting hurt.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And but this idea of fear and its hindrance in our progression as an endurance athlete, I can honestly tell you that this same idea of fear is holding me back from signing up for another half iron man, signing up for another full Iron Man.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I've done those races before.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I know what's expected.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I know how to train for them.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I think having that experience actually feeds the fear a little bit rather than just the fear of the unknown.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know what to expect.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that if you actually have an idea on what to expect, that fear takes on a different characteristic.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I I want to come to you and talk a little bit through this, even if it's just to flush this out in my own mind.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I know that there are people out there that are either afraid of pulling the trigger for something that they've never tried before, or they're returning from something that they have done before, but they're afraid to do it.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: I see a lot of conversations on social media and conversations that I have with athletes about fear of injury.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I want to, I want to start running, but I'm afraid of getting hurt.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think those are valid concerns.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it tells me that they want to do it right, but I'm not quite sure or if I'm convinced that that fear is either a good thing or a bad thing.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think it can be both.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so this overarching question, or not necessarily question, I want to change that a little bit.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: This overarching statement is something that I want to instill in myself and hopefully help you instill in you, is the the thing that you want most is often the things that scares you the most.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that this is a true statement.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so I want to flush this out, and I have a couple talking points that that I want to get through to really dive deep into this idea of fear and its role in endurance sports and its role and place in our own individual endurance athlete journeys.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's kind of hard to talk about this a little bit.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is going to be a pretty vulnerable episode for me.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it would be easier if I had if I had Coach Katie here, but this is just going to be an episode with me.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm really going to have to dig into this one.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just start.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I've kind of told you on where this kind of started from, and it was this idea that I'm watching the Unbound Gravel race.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually had I had friends racing, and I was looking at the images and the pictures, and it was a bit of a rainy, uh rainy lead up to the race, and so there was mud just everywhere, and I was watching the race and saw them really kind of struggle.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Part of me was like, man, I'm glad I didn't pull that trigger this year.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: But part of me is just now that I know that this is possible, this has to be something that I have to expect and build and incorporate into my expectations for the race.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: It should not be something that I use as a weapon to not allow me to move forward and actually pull the trigger and take on something that I'm really uncomfortable with.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think that the presence of fear is a normal emotion.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that I want to say, I want to emphasize the word emotion.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Emotions by nature they are temporary states of mind.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: So that means that what you're afraid of today may be something that you are not afraid of in the future.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: You may be afraid now, but there may be periods of joy, there may be periods of happiness, maybe periods of sadness and disappointment, but fear is no different than any of those other emotions that are transitory in nature.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: So to allow fear to settle in and keep you from moving forward is really sad.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's something that that I keep telling, I'm disappointed in myself for allowing this to persist to a certain degree, even though I think that there's there are valid signals that are coming from this emotion of fear.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the one thing that I have to keep telling myself is that the presence of fear just means that this is something that is important to me.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if it wasn't important, then it may not garner the same kind of emotional response that that would happen otherwise.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: It tells me that this event, this step of faith, this next step forward, it matters to me.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: There's some level of uncertainty that is tied to this endeavor.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: There is some kind of level of risk that's involved, but there is a potential for growth.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think those are the four things that kind of feed into what fear actually means or the presence of that emotion.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Typically, nobody is afraid of doing something that they've done many times over and over again.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: But nobody is really afraid of staying the same.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's no if you continue to just remain in one place, there's no reason to be afraid.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's that one step forward where you start to inject that level of uncertainty and that that atmosphere of risk is where fear kind of steps in.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: But it's our job as an endurance athlete and as a human for that matter, to manage that emotion and use it to the best of your abilities for good.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it means that this is something that's like I said, this is gonna be something that's important, so it's something that I have to take seriously.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not something that I'm lightly going into.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: We've all heard the statement that courage is not the absence of fear, courage is moving forward despite it.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, this is something that it's really easy to say, it's a whole nother story to implement.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And first wanted to start this conversation as I go through these talking points on trying to normalize this emotion so that if we can normalize it, then it really loosens its hold on us.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And even now, as I'm starting to talk through this with you here, uh it's starting to loosen up in like in my spirit almost, where it's I'm not allowing fear to really get its hold on me.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I'm still apprehensive or I'm still nervous about what it would take to prepare for these events again, or even to do events that I've never done before, but I think this normalization of this emotion is important for us to be able to take that next step forward rather than using it to hinder those next steps.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think my next point that I want to talk about is uh fear and danger are not the same thing.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can be afraid of doing something because you lack experience, I lack confidence, preparation, there's a fear of failure or embarrassment, but is there danger?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think when it comes to endurance sports, there is a certain level of risk, whether there is a certain level of danger, that's a different question.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because risk and danger are not the same thing either.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I have to really sit down and tell myself, hey, if I sign up for this race, what's the real danger in it?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I could get out there on my bike, I could fall and break a collarbone.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that that's a sign that's a danger, right?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: But if I know that this is a possibility, then that means that I have to implement a procedure to improve bike handling skills, improve comfort on the bike, so that I can mitigate that risk to a certain extent.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: You you can't completely wipe away all risk, nothing is going to be risk-free.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: But there are things that we can do to mitigate that risk and lessen its possibility of occurrence.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think that this for this unbound race, for me in particular, it's not danger, it's just unfamiliar to me.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've only done one gravel race before, and it was a smaller race, it was like a 30-mile thing, but uh I did well for it to be actually my first race, and but it was hard preparation for it, and I do know what's involved, but going from that level of race up to something that is unbound is a big step.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think that this is an indication that maybe I haven't earned the right to take on that level of event right now.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I think maybe fear is an indication on where you think that you are in this journey.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And this is just my own personal opinion.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know that there are probably others out there that that feel differently or whatnot, but going and doing a full Iron Man race where you've never done a triathlon before, to me personally, you haven't earned the right to do that kind of race.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: You have no experience and uh you don't know what to expect.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think that makes it exciting for some, but to me, you haven't put in the s the work sweat yet in order to do that race.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: I feel the same thing for myself when it comes to approaching the unbound gravel race.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't put in the work yet in order to be I don't want to say eligible, but in order to be to have a rightful place at that starting line.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it doesn't mean that I wouldn't take the training seriously and that I couldn't quote unquote earn that right uh just through the training that would be involved in for the preparation for the race.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: But uh to me, uh that's just not the way that that I that I move forward.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the way that I work.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the way that I did it when I was getting into the sport of triathlon.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was very purposeful, very methodological about it, started the sprint, uh, did a s did a sprint, had no expectations, then did a couple more sprints with expectation, and then would do an Olympic with no expectation, and then a couple more Olympics with expectations, and I did that progressive, all the way up to the full Iron Man.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I've done multiple of those so I know what's involved, and I feel like I've earned that right to be on the starting line, but going from nothing to to full to me is not right.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's good for the sport, and I respect the sport of trathlon and gravel racing enough to not cheapen it by skipping steps.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: I know that this unfamiliar unfamiliarity can be fixed, and it can be fixed by doing smaller races, getting the experience that I feel like I need in order to feel like I have earned the right to be there.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think that once you get to that point, fear plays a little bit of a lesser role in how you feel going into an event.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you're still afraid, then I think that there are questions that need to be answered.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Are you nervous and anxious, which is not the same thing as fear, then I think those are emo or healthy emotions as well.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: It still means that this is something that matters, this is something that I've worked hard for, I've prepared for it, I've been consistent, I'm durable, and I'm ready for this, and I've earned the right to be there.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: But then the presence of anxiousness and nervousness is completely rational.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you weren't, then I would question really what the process has been like.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't feel like there's any kind of nervousness or anxiousness going into something that you've never done before or at an intensity in which you've never executed, then that's a cause of concern for me.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the way that I normalize those emotions when it comes to race day for me.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've been doing this for 10, 12 years already, and I've been in the sport for a while for a long time, and I've coached athletes through it, and I can tell you on race day, I still get anxious and nervous.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: I won't say that I'm a I'm fearful.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: I will say that I'm anxious and nervous, so it tells me, yes, I've done the work, I'm prepared, but it's still important, and I want to do well, and there's some level of expectation.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think my experience at my last 70 point my last half iron man really stung me a little bit.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: I took four years off of the sport recovering from some injuries and some surgeries, and I worked really hard to kind of to get back into it.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And three weeks prior to the event, I was an injury came out of absolutely nowhere.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: My my training plan was really conservative for the issues that I was dealing with, and that race really broke me.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's left me in a state where I'm fearful now of pulling the trigger to doing another one.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I was talking to Coach Katie about this, this was months and months ago, and I was actually talking to my strength coach as well.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was telling them about this experience, and I was telling them about what I was feeling, and both of them said the exact same thing to me, and they're just like, look, let's just spend this whole year trying to get healthier, let's build let's work on foundational kind of stuff, which is really interesting that I've been doing this for, like I said, 10 to 12 years, and I'm still working on foundational things.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: It just goes to show you that there's always foundation that can be laid.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: There's setbacks that always take place and cracks that are in that foundation that you have to go back and fix and fill in, and especially as we get older.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm now 49 years old, so I'm quickly approaching 50, and that takes on a whole nother outlook on how I approach my training, what it is that I'm really capable of doing at the age that I am, and what kind of expectations can I have of myself.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Find it hard to dial back from uh having the expectations based on past performances when I was younger and thinking that I can still execute that kind of performance if not get if not be better.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little bit hard to come to that reconciliation.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: That may not be possible, but it doesn't mean that I that I have to stop.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: And fear of not being able to replicate past performance or get better, I think, is a valid emotion.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: It indicates that there's a little bit of internal work that maybe I have to do in order to prepare myself to alleviate some of that fear and turn that fear into something else that would be a little bit more reasonable.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I think as we move along in our journey, fear, what was fearful at one point in time isn't going to be as fearful now.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: I said this earlier that when I started swimming and I started in the sport, couldn't swim 25 yards.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was scared of swimming 25 yards.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm doing three, three and a half thousand yards and no problems.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: So what was fearful at one point in time is no longer fearful.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: The reason is because there's now a level of familiarity with it.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know how it feels, I know what to expect, I've worked at it over the years, I've put in the work.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: So now that's something that doesn't scare me.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: For many, doing a sprint triathlon is scary.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: For some, getting in open water is scary.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: So the only thing that I can really do is encourage you if you find yourself in that position, then one of the things that I found that really helps alleviate that fear is just repetition.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: I know that those first few are really hard.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know it, I've lived it, still experiencing it to this day.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm compassionate about that.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: And this is just as much me talking to myself as I'm talking to you now.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've done the half Iron Man, I've done the full Iron Man, but I'm scared.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm scared to pull that trigger.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: And one point in time those races were scary, and then I did more of them, and they were less scary.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: But now I'm returning to an effort that I haven't done in a long while in a long time.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or the last effort that I had did not go well, in my opinion, and left me at a place where now it's a little bit more scary.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I what I want to kind of get through is whatever the challenges that you're avoiding today that might look scary may look completely normal five years from now.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: So think about the growth that has to take place during that time period for to transition something into what was a scary thought into something now that you really don't think about and you just do.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: That does not mitigate the difficultness of the difficulty of doing it initially.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the key.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's the thing that we have to really work on is building up that courage to do it the first time so that you can get to the point where it's no longer a scary endeavor and where it becomes commonplace.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh this next point that I want to bring up is that.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Fear, the presence of fear can be a signpost.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think many athletes spend years chasing comfort.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: They don't push the envelope.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: They get into something and they stay right where they are because it's comfortable for them.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: They know what to expect.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I know as an athlete myself, I have to tell myself I didn't get into this because it's easy.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: If I wanted to do something easy, I'd pick up basket weaving.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: I do this, and I did this when I first got in it.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: I did it because it was hard.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I did it because it scared me.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: And now I have to find that ability to do it again.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And to really find a way to move forward with things that I haven't done before, but I feel is needed in order for me to grow as an athlete and as a person, as a coach.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I think this idea of growth is absolutely necessary.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it really makes me sad when I see athletes that are afraid of growth.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: They're afraid of stepping out and taking that next step forward because they've grown into that comfort rather than grow into the uncomfortable.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because progress only occurs in one of those scenarios, and it doesn't come from comfort.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: I keep thinking about doing unbound.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: I keep thinking about doing the Iron Man, but why do I keep thinking about them?
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Why do they still persist in my mind as to something that I want to take on, knowing the fear is there?
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that tells me if a challenge keeps showing up in my mind year after year, it's something that I have to pay attention to.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think that it's a different story if I get this idea in my head that maybe this is something that I want to do, but eventually talk myself out of it and it never really comes back and pops into my brain again, then that tells me that, oh, maybe that just wasn't for me.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: That was just maybe something that I liked the idea of doing, but I didn't really want to do.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: But this persistence of desire, I think, is an indication that it is something that I have to pay attention to.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to tell myself that fear itself isn't the issue, it's the avoidance of doing what is fearful.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think that fear becomes harmful or detrimental to our progress when opportunities come and go, when the years just keep passing on, you're continuing to postpone goals, and you continue to tell yourself that I'm quote unquote not ready.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think many athletes spend years doing those.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the key to that, I think, is that they lack the confidence that they need to make that first step.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have to have the confidence that they can do it, but that's not what I want.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: I want the confidence in just taking that first step.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think having the confidence before you take that first step is just being overconfident, and to me, that's not realistic.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think that I just want, like I said, I want to have that confidence to take the next step.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: So what that is indicating to me and what that tells me is that most athletes think that confidence creates action.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: So if I'm confident, I'm going to take that next step.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Where in fact action is what creates the confidence.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: So it's taking the first step is when confidence starts to materialize.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: You sh you won't have it before you act.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence comes after action.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: And this is, I think that this is a really can be a scary idea.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh because I think many of us want to have that confidence first.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm guilty of it as well.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: I see a lot of conversations on social media, and I have conversations with athletes where they just said, hey, I've I've done this kind of race.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think I'm ready for this next bigger race?
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: And many times that conversation results in the statement from me is like, I don't know.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you that.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think that there is a certain level of healthiness on being uncertain if you are ready.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think you know if you aren't ready.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: I've had that conversation as well, where I was this was actually earlier on in my endurance journey where I was still at the 70.3 or the half Iron Man distance racing, and I had a lot of friends that were doing fulls, and it was super inspiring.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was really motivating, and it was a little bit of jealousy that I had in me.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was just like, man, I wish I could, I wish I could partake in that.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think part of it was just me wanting to be part of their group on taking taking part in that kind of event would give me like some level of acceptance by people that I really looked up to and really admired and was inspired by.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think that was some of that.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it probably stems from my childhood where I wasn't much of a popular kid, and I always pursued the athletic kids, even though I wasn't athletic, as a way to feel accepted.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that still materialized in my adulthood, where I knew people that I highly respected.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: I saw that they were really close-knit and good friends, and I wanted to be accepted into their group to where I felt like I belonged.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt that the only way that I'm going to be accepted into this group is if I do this race, get to this level of racing.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember that there was some race, there was some conversation that I was having, and it was on social media, and I was like, You guys are inspiring.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: You can't wait for me to get to that level.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: And they said, You're ready now.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I started to think about that statement.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Am I ready?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I told myself, no, I'm not ready.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: They knew that I was physically capable of executing that race.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: And there they might have been right.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: I knew that I was not mentally prepared to take on that kind of endeavor.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's the case now with the unbound race that I have sitting on my bucket list.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Is that physically could I take on this challenge?
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: I believe I could.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know how to train.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: I love the bike, and I have no problems riding it a lot.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so I know how to move forward and prepare myself physically for the challenge.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I do not feel like I am mentally and emotionally there yet.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: So there is a there's a latency in my physical preparedness versus my mental and emotional preparedness for the event.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there comes a time where we have to get those things a little bit closer.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that could just come from exposure.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, doing the smaller races and getting that experience and building up to it might start to close that gap.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: It worked for me for the sport of triathlon, so maybe it will work for gravel racing as well.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: I do feel really jealous of people that are out there racing in Unbound and the excitement, and I still find myself wanting to do this race with a group as a way to feel accepted.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that this is I think this is more common than what people are willing to admit, that there is some level of acceptance that is desired by us as humans to be uh incorporated into a group of people that you admire and that you look up to.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: Whether they find your performance uh impressive or not, I don't think that's necessarily the case.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just think it's just the sheer acceptance within the group, I think is what I know that's what matters more to me.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: Whether they think that I'm a good athlete or not, it's neither here nor there.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: But that level of acceptance is important to me.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if it should be.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that's good or that's bad, but I know that it's there and I'm willing to admit that.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: So again, this confidence that keeps coming back where I think that I am guilty of looking for the confidence before I take the step.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something now that I need to work on, and that is taking the step that will initiate the confidence.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so this also brings me back to my reluctance to sign up for another half Iron Man or another full Iron Man, is because I'm looking for the confidence that I will get from consistently training.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I know right now I have a race next weekend, and it's an Olympic triathlon race.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's my A race for the year, and the only reason that I'm doing it is because I signed up back in November of last year before I did Florida, and so it's something that I feel like I have to do.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that I'm looking for confidence for future races based on my training today, and I think that that's a little bit of a pitfall.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm out there doing three-hour bike rides for an Olympic, so I'm close to a half Iron Man distance bike training for an Olympic race.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I there's a reason that I'm doing it that way, but I think part of me is looking for some way to fuel my confidence that I can't go ahead and pull that trigger for the next step up and go to 70.3 because I'm effectively doing some of that training now for what would be considered a lower distance race.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: So does that mean that I'm over-training for the Olympic as a way to prove to myself that I'm confident to take that next step?
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: There may be some level of that.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know that there is a valid reason for the way that I've approached my training for this, and it stems to my inability to run like I want to.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: I can run, I just can't run like I really want to.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so purposefully overtraining on the bike is my way of still building that cardiovascular engine and to at least put me in the best possible position that I can be for when it is time to run off of the bike, and I'm not drained from the bike, and then the run is going to be even more of a struggle, even though I can't run like I want.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that there's still part of me today that goes through these long rides, and I'm thinking, hey, this is a minimum on what I would be doing for a 70.3 or a full Ironman.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is this something that I could see myself doing?
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, does this give me confidence?
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: And there are workouts that we have that are confidence builders, and there are workouts that we have that rob us of confidence.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot expect to have a continuous buildup of confidence as training progresses.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: And again, this is me talking to myself, not just to you.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: I have to remind myself of this as well.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a really good reminder for me to say that did that workout give me confidence?
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: Did it give me experiences and something to consider?
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: Did it show me a hole in my training?
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: Uh maybe.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: There are things that I have to kind of dig out of each training session to say, okay, what did I get out of that?
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: If it wasn't confidence and it actually robbed me of some confidence, what else can I pull out of that workout?
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that many athletes are searching for confidence.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that this is one of the reasons why they over-train for certain events where they feel like they have to cover the distance of their race before the race actually takes place, whether you're doing a half marathon and you're just like, oh, I have to, I want to know what it feels like to run a half marathon before I run the half marathon, that should be an indication on the irrational thought process.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to know what it's going to feel like on race day.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: Then it's no longer race day.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: You've already had your race day and you had it during training.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: So this is something that I have to remind myself of as well.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: But this need for confidence, I think, keeps many of us from moving forward.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm putting myself in that bucket as well.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think that if I were to go ahead and pull the trigger for either Unbound or some other race, half Iron Man or a full Iron Man, then the confidence is going to come from the training and work that I'm going to put into it and getting through race day, maybe the confidence builder.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: I may not have any confidence, additional confidence through training, and it's just going to take proving to myself getting through race day.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the confidence would come from.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: So the confidence may not even materialize during the preparation for the event.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually getting through the event, and that's where you realize, wait a minute, I did finish and I did accomplish it, and now that's where now I'm confident in my abilities.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not overconfident, so that I'm still going to do the work that is necessary to be prepared in a reasonable and responsible way.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I do have some level of confidence in me and in my abilities.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: One other point that I want to bring up is the difference between fear and excuses, because sometimes we'll talk ourselves out of committing to something, and we use a myriad of excuses.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe next year, or and I'm guilty of that one as well, really bad.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm too busy, or my equipment isn't good enough, or need to be fitter first.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: Fitter is accomplished through training, right?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: So you can't be fit for the event prior to training for the event.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't make sense.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, why train?
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: So that's something that I have to tell myself as well.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think that there is a reasonable, uh I'll say that there's a caveat to that statement where I need to be fitter, because if you don't have the fitness in order to start the training, then that's a valid excuse.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's telling you something that I'm not ready for that yet.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: So let's do some necessary foundational work so that I can start that process, right?
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: But feeling like you have the fitness to actually do the race before you start training for it is irrational.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: But there is some level of fitness that is going to be needed to start the training.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, if you're not there yet, then you know that you have work to do.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: So the question that I want to ask is that if every obstacle that you face magically disappeared tomorrow, would you still want to do what it is that that you want to do?
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that be I want to do my first sprint triathlon, or for me, I want to do unbound.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: If every obstacle disappeared tomorrow, would you still want to do it?
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_00: And if the answer is I don't know, then I think that's the that's the flag right there.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because then that's telling me that there's something else that's there, and it's not just your perceived limitations for being prepared or for the event itself.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's something else that's there.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I think if you were to answer those questions like, okay, hey, if I was completely healthy or I didn't have any issues, and all of a sudden I had all this free time in my schedule and I could train like I want to, would I still want to do the event?
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: Then that's an indication that, okay, maybe what's holding you back is not reason enough to hold you back.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's something that we can that you can fix, that you can either manage or work around.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: That we all can't train like we want to.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: There's some stuff that I really would like to be able to do, but I can't do.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that's always going to be the case, I don't know.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or if it's just my current state that I can't absorb that kind of activity, then that's a that answer is yet uh to be observed.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that if you answered that question that if all the obstacles were gone and would you do the event, and you answered yes, then I think that tells you something.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh that fear is actually holding you back, and it's going to continue and it's going to perpetuate itself until you do something to alleviate that fear.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_00: The next point that I want to make is that fear is not something that we only see in new endeavors.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, like I said, I've never done unbound before, I've never done a serious, significant gravel race like that.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've only done, like I said, one other race before.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: So to me, being fearful of Unbound is reasonable.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh whether it's rational or not, I don't know.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: But it is reasonable.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: For me, being afraid of doing a half Iron Man or another full Iron Man, I think illustrates the point that we all experience this kind of emotion regardless of our ex of our level of exposure to the sport.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you've never done a sprint triathlon, but you're afraid, and you're just like, oh, I wish I weren't afraid.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I was like this person over there who's done this before, I can tell you there's probably stuff over there that person is fearful of.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if I've been in this sport for, like I said, 10 to 12 years, done multiple Iron Man, done multiple full half iron men, and I'm still afraid, is an indication that this is something that's not unique to beginners.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is something that I think that we all experience.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: And something that I alluded to earlier in this episode was that I think maybe prior experience can actually intensify fear.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if the word intensify is a good word or not, but it's the only thing that I can think of to illustrate what I'm trying to say is that if you used to do something and you took some time away from it, and now you're trying to get back into it, you have all those past experiences to draw on.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: So you know what the training hours are, you know the sacrifices that are necessary, you know the fatigue that you're gonna have to experience, you know the potential for setbacks, you know all these things.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that knowledge creates the hesitation to commit to that step.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it fuels fear and it keeps that fire raging a little bit hotter than what it really should.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for somebody who may not have that past experience, I think that there's maybe a different level of fear because then it's more of a fear of the unknown.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know what to expect.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: They can do the research, they can watch the YouTube videos.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: And see what it's like for race day and all that kind of stuff.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that alleviates fear to a certain extent, but it's it's I think there's still some presence of it because they just have not experienced it for themselves.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_00: They've just been told what it's like.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I think once you have firsthand experience on what it's like, this can fuel that hesitation.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I know it's doing it for me.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know what's involved with the training.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know what other things get sacrificed because of it.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I know the challenges that it creates within relationships and the sacrifices that you are asking of others to make while you take this step and you do your preparation, that's significant, and that does not need to be excluded from the thought process.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually something that needs to be brought in and talked about more.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: So if you do have a significant other and you feel like you should sit down and talk about it and say, hey, this is the way I'm feeling, these are the fears that I have.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need you to tell me that they're rational or irrational, but I do want to talk about why I'm feeling this way because if I take that next step in order to create the confidence that I need to progress, that next step is going to be taken with you.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're in this with me, and so you're committing them to that process as well.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's not fair on them for you to commit to a process and commit them to a process without their input and without their buying into it.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that this fear can actually help spur conversations uh that need to take place before you take these steps.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: How to move forward.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's the key to this whole thing.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: All these talking points that I've brought up, it all boils down to okay, now what do we do with this?
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think this really boils down to, and as I've talked through this, I've come to this conclusion myself, is that we don't have to commit to the final step.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: We want we should commit to the first step, is the way that I want to phrase this.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if that means that for me, I don't necessarily have to commit to unbound, but maybe I should commit to doing a smaller gravel race or commit to making sure that I get on my gravel bike every week, improve my bike handling skills on that bike, not necessarily just on my road bike where things are a little bit easier and there's more certainty involved.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_00: When you're on that gravel bike, there's a level of uncertainty because you're riding on loose ground and things happen.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I need that confidence that comes from riding more and handling those and those experiences and handling those situations in order to create the confidence that would be needed.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: But it takes that first step on let's just ride more often.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let's commit to one or two gravel rides a week within the training plan and let's start from there.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_00: Build that experiences for that next step for me for triathlon.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't quite know what that next step is.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: It could be that I just look for other ways of racing.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: If that means that right now the run is my weakest and it's the one thing that holds me back.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe I just need to bite that bullet and just say, well, let's just go and do some aquabike racing, where I swim and bike and there's no run to it.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm still competing, I'm still there on race day, so I'm still gathering experience, I'm actually improving things that I'm strong at.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so that just gets me deeper and deeper fitness, deeper and deeper strength.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: So when it comes time to bring that run in, I'm secure in the other two events to where I can then put more attention to the run and kind of go into a little bit of a maintenance mode or not as aggressive build for the other two and really allow my run to receive the attention that it needs within reason, within my own personal limitations.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: So if I find that I can build that consistency and maintain it and recover from it, I think that if I can see my run being consistent and durable, I would have more confidence in signing up for another half Iron Man or a full Iron Man at that.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_00: But right now, my my inability to be a consistent runner and recover from it and be and remain healthy is what's holding me back.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_00: So what that's telling me for the sport of triathlon is I do need to focus on my run and I do need to be patient and work on that progression, work on that durability to get to a point where I feel like I'm a little bit more confident without sacrificing my attention to the other two disciplines.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that this gives me a little bit of a path forward.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it really helps you in talking through or coming to a realization that, hey, I think I might be doing the same thing.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: So knowing that we don't have to conquer fear today, we don't have to get over it, we don't have to expect it to be gone.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_00: So don't try and conquer the fear today.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_00: We just have to stop running from it.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: We have to stop it from allowing us to take that first step, not the final step, but the first step.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think that if we can get to that point where we can still have some level of nervousness or anxiety, but still take that first step.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's so crucial.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's the important takeaway from this.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_00: So let's build this thing together.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh let's commit to a process that gets us closer to doing what it is that we might be afraid of today, knowing that the experience that we gather through the process of the preparation and the race itself will lead to the confidence that we're seeking today to take that step.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_00: So confidence is further down the road.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: So that means that you gotta take that step without being confident in it and just buy into the process.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why training is so important.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_00: And for people that go through races and they're just like, oh, I didn't train for it or anything like that, they receive absolutely zero respect from me whatsoever because they have missed the entire point of this, they've missed all of the growth that you get from the preparation.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_00: Race day is race day, it's one single day.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's the growth takes place through the process of getting to race day, and if you bypass that process, you rob yourself, and like I said, you get absolutely no respect from me whatsoever.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_00: So let's buy into this process.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_00: And the confidence will come when it comes, and right now we're just seeking that first step.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: I really want to thank you guys for joining me on this episode of the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you find that this episode has been helpful to you, it rang true to you, and it really kind of hit a nerve with you, and it really kind of triggered something, something good, I hope.
• 52:04
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• 52:10
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• 52:18
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• 52:20
  SPEAKER_00: They help the exposure of the podcast.
• 52:23
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• 52:32
  SPEAKER_00: Subscribe.
• 52:33
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• 52:34
  SPEAKER_00: We do not monetize any of our channels.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: So the YouTube channels are not monetized, the podcast is not monetized, we don't have ads and sponsors, so we bring this to you pure and without uh strings attached to others.
• 52:49
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• 52:56
  SPEAKER_00: So please consider that uh greatly.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for that.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's also the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast group that's on Facebook.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_00: It is a private Facebook group that we started from day one of the podcast, and all you have to do is go in there and answer one simple question and agree to the group rules.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_00: It lets you right on in.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is a group that we created to really connect with the listeners and connect with the people that are enjoying the podcast.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_00: It provides a direct connection to both Katie and I for Q ⁇ A sessions, uh for additional content that we pull from these episodes or supplemental content that we get and we publish out.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: We do attach we do uh load things there.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're at all interested in growing the community and interacting with others, please consider joining.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast group on Facebook.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_00: I hope to see you out there.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_00: I know that Katie and I are both active coaches, and if you are looking for coaching and help in your journey, we hope that you will consider one of us as your coach.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for training plans or custom one-on-one coaching for either single sport or multi-sport, you can reach out to me at tabula rasseracing.com if you are interested in nutrition support.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_00: Katie is a board certified registered sports dietitian.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: You can reach out to her and she does run plans as well.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can reach out to her at fuel the number two run.com and we hope to uh to hear from you.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_00: We'd love to talk to you, even if it is something that we can't help you with.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_00: We'd still love to at least just chat with you and just find out, see if there's something that we can do to help you along.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we would love that opportunity.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_00: So again, thank you guys so much for joining in.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_00: This has been episode uh eight of the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast, and I have been your host, Coach Justin.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm head coach and owner of Taboula Rasta Racing, and I will talk to you guys again next time.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks a lot.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: Bye-bye.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_00: That wraps up today's episode of the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_00: Endurance sports have a way of teaching us patience, humility, and resilience.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_00: Lessons that carry far beyond the workout.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: Progress in endurance sports doesn't come from shortcuts, it comes from consistency, discipline, and doing the work when it's not glamorous.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are on your endurance journey, keep trusting the process and honoring the work you put in each day.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_00: If today's episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone to help on their endurance journey.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to join the conversation on our social sites to help build and foster a community where we all learn and support one another.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be back with more stories and insights from Coach Justin and Katie.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, visit the podcast website at the endurance athlete journey.buzzsprout.com for more episodes from the Endurance and Athlete Journey Podcast.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_00: Have questions or comments about the podcast?
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_00: Feel free to send us an email at the endurance athlete journey at gmail.com.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_00: For all things coaching, visit Coach Katie at fuel the number two Roman.com and CoachJustin at tabooleromsterracing.com.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_00: Again, thank you for listening to the Endurance Athlete Journey Podcast.
• 56:22
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, I'm Julie in the journey.