Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / A Perspective Reset | a conversation with Kristin Funston

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A Perspective Reset | a conversation with Kristin Funston · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: It means so much to have you choose to take our conversation along with you today.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Amy Wicks, your host, and here at Simply Wholehearted, we provide perspective, purpose, and plans for your best life.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: The culture around us lulls us to complacency, half awake to our purpose, and more often than not, it seems as if everyone around us celebrates mediocracy.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: But we believe there is more to your story.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Awaken your heart with extraordinary tales of the ordinary.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Explore your unique purpose, and be empowered to become wholehearted in life, family, and community.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Now, before I introduce this week's guests, I wanted to send a little PSA to all you moms out there.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Summer is just around the corner.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks! But before you panic about the no-schedule, long delay, sibling fighting, boredom, constant eating, and the messy house, I am here to help you have the summer you have always wanted with your kids.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not exaggerating when I say a Simply Summer is completely possible for you.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: First, you can download my 50-free boredombuster ideas, which are perfect for those with kids 12 and under.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Then you can get my Simply Summer email series, which gives you seven weeks of encouragement and inspiration to put into action immediately and is for all ages.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: And now, my best-selling Simply Summer course will take you step by step to create the schedule you desire, foster sibling unity, eliminate boredom, and help you keep a cleaner home all while giving you more time to get things done.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: It is possible.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: You can have your best summer this year.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, I put all the details to get more information in the show notes.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Now, some of you know we've just finished our Latin series, which was incredibly rich.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: I encourage you, even though it's post-Easter, to go back and listen.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: We had amazing guests.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: I've been sharing over the last few weeks that our next series was going to focus on preparing us for Mother's Day and how we can find the moments of peace when we feel the ache and struggle of motherhood.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: Last fall, I gathered a small group of moms in my living room each week for encouragement, Bible study, and prayer.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Hot coffee, of course, too.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to find out their main motive and desire for mentorship.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: It was something we all craved, but why?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it turns out that we weren't trying to be super holy.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: But rather, we were looking to fill a void in our lives.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: We felt motherless.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: For some, it was an emotional absence at some stage in our lives.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: For others, a spiritual absence.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: And yet, for some, it was a physical absence because of distance or the pain of a life lost way too young.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Do any of you resonate?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm glad to tell you, you're not alone.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: As it turns out, most of you do.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm constantly surprised when I talk about the study I've been writing.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: How many others want to know more and desire a safe place to talk about their pain.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: So it looks like I'll be continuing to share more about this in the future.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: But this week, I've invited Kristen Fenston to share about her new book, More for Mom.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: As moms, usually the demand is more wanted from us, right?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: But Kristen's here to remind us that Christ intends to help us to live a whole and holy life.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, she fits right into this whole hearted community.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't wait for you to listen to the conversation.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I saw your Oh, bless you.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, right in the microphone.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's fine.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: I saw, I think it was a Facebook Live or something of you unveiling or opening up your box of books.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Your first shipments.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: How fun.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's so awesome.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: How exciting.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_03: I know it was pretty surreal.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, my daughter, it was funny because it was a it was Saturday and my um like my husband was gone.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: I I had all three girls here, and I was like just running up and down the steps.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_03: And when I come down my steps, I can see on my front porch, and I saw a big box, and I was like, what did my husband order?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I know I didn't order anything from Amazon, which is usually the case.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, same here.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: I I like opened it or I picked it up and it said to Kristen Fungston, and it was from somewhere in Indiana or something.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, what in the world?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: And so I picked it up and it shook it, and I like kind of heard them shift inside the box, and I was like, No, no way.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: And so I called my oldest daughter McKenna.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, McKenna, come here.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: She's like, Mom, what?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: It's like just just trust me, just take a video.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if this is what I think it is, but if it is, I want I wanted to share it with um my mom.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_03: And so, but um, but then I was like, you know what?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just gonna put it on Facebook for everybody.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's so fun.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: So has your mom been cheering on from afar?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Are you guys close?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, yeah, I don't know anything.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: No, that's okay.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um, she lives in Kentucky, about five hours north of here, um, just almost directly north of Nashville, um, up in Kentucky.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: And so she's about five hours away.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: And so, yeah, and my dad's down in Florida.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: So we're kind of all over the place.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: My sister's in Texas.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's yeah, it's crazy.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Has she always been a champion of your book writing?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: What has you know, where did you get that from?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: That desire to write, the desire, you know, to form.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, more than just writing, but a book.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because a book's a big deal.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_03: It is a big deal.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um, my well, my mom's always been a reader.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_03: My both my parents were readers.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: Um, my dad, I think, was more of the writer.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I don't, yeah, he's like, I know he's written some stuff, um, but nothing like that I know of that he's put out out there.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's not like they have blogs or something that they're gonna use.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um but yeah, so I think it's kind of a combination of both.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: I got my love of reading and books from both of them.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: And my mom um was a teacher and taught English and stuff as well.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: So I got a lot of that from her.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: But maybe some good jeans passed down the writing English skills.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of cool because well, I don't know about skills, but that's what editors are for.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Editors are for, exactly.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um but my uh my daughter, it's kind of fun to watch because she I'm catching her writing little short stories, and I'm like, this is how it starts.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know, so I don't know, we'll see.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now you're a mom of three girls, right?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: I am so full-on girl mom.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: How would you describe that to someone wondering what it is like to be a girl mom?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um well, it's really funny because I uh McKenna is nine um and a half.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta get it in a half.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um, she'll be 10 this summer, and then Mita is five in kindergarten and Rocky May is three.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Your girls' names are so fun.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Kenny.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, McKenna's name um was a random internet find.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_03: We've been the first child, and we were like just scrolling baby names.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: We're like, what that's what do we like?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, we like McKenna and this rain is her middle name.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: So we're like McKenna Rain.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_03: And then Mita Grayson is um Mita was my husband's great-grandmother.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm originally my family's from Grayson County, Kentucky.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and so that's how we got Mita Grayson and Rocky May.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_03: We we didn't think we would have another girl.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so Rocky was always our name for a boy because of my father-in-law's name, and my my sister-in-law, Storm, she was like, Why don't you just use Rocky?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Just drop the Y, add an IE, and give her a feminine middle name.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: And so so we did, and May is my grandmother.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: And so that's where we got those names.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_03: But it's so fun, yeah.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: And as far as being a girl mom, it's funny because I hear boy moms always saying, Oh, you know, boys, they're crazy.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, it's kind of crazy around here too.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: Totally.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I call my my middle, my youngest, my middle um child, we nicknamed her the honey badger several years ago.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_03: And um, after watching the Netflix documentary about the honey badger, we were like, that's Nita.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: She's she's in everything.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_03: She's like, she's crazy and out of control.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_03: And then Rocky Mae came along, and she is definitely a baby badger as well.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: So we have McKenna, who's our introvert, quiet, people pleaser.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: Nice.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: And we have Honey Badger and Baby Badger.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: Following Mekina.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely think my girls are, I and I don't really know what a typical girl, you know, if there is actually such a thing, but their energy levels and everything prepare me for being a boy mom because there was no surprise, I feel like, in having a boy.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: They're very different and there is a different connection.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: But outside of that, energy level and all the things and mischievousness and stubbornness.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: I've come to discover though, with the anneogram, you can kind of narrow your kids, which I know I love the anneagram.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, uh, you can narrow your kids' uh types by using stances, which is one of the triads.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so it can help eliminate uh six of the types just by figuring your stance.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: So okay.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me about the stance, because I don't know, I don't know anything about that.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: What is that what does that mean?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's it's one of those things that are starting to float around, but it's just like the best way to at least give a category so you don't totally peg them as a number and they live under this misnomer and they're not that number at all.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's really important.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: But so there's two of them where they're triads.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: So are you in the heart triad, the head triad, or the gut triad?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: So that's one way, but then this other way I feel it's called the second triad.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's um an assertive stance, compliance stance, or withdrawn stance.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: And there's three numbers that fit in each.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, interestingly enough, all three of mine are assertive stances, and they're each of the numbers.
• 10:48
  unknown: Oh yeah.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: So just to say, like I, yes, oh Lord.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he at least made me in the assertive stance so I can handle it, but oh, it is tough.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so just based on what you said and the very little I know about that, I would say two of my three are in the assertives.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and just yeah, so the assertives are threes, sevens, and eights.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: So do a little reading on those.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah, okay.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: So I know I am a three.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: And seven is my second number and like the next highest.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_03: And so I absolutely think I have a seven for sure.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: I actually I think I have a seven, eight, and eight.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I do.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: I have a three, seven, and eight.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I you can feel my pain for me.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: What about the compliant?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the compliant one.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a one, a two, and a six.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: They tend to um just move along with people, society.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: They might move along with their siblings that are more assertive.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: They might promote um group thinking and just kind of bring about some more harmony.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um and not that the assertives are all negative energy, they're just gonna go towards people to get what they want.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: And these people will go with people to get what they want, and then the other group, the withdrawn, are four, fives, and nines.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: They tend to go inward to get what they want, and to get what they want means their core desire and get their needs met.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: So interesting.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: Isn't that interesting?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, can we just talk about this all day long?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: I actually I think I'm going to spend the entire summer, all the episodes, we're gonna just talk about the Enneagram.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And whoever we have on, so much fun.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: We might like do people who have no idea what their type you know is, and so help them find their type, talk about their kids.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: I I have all these different ideas of because I mean, there are whole podcasts just about the Enneagram.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure I could spend nine weeks in the Enneagram.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, this is so interesting.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_03: So I just kind I just found out all all of a sudden everybody's talking about the Enneagram.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: And so I spent the$12 or whatever it is for the ready test.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, that's it.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I thought I knew what I was.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_03: I thought I was a seven, but it turns out I was at three first.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: And then at seven, I think my score is like 26 for a three and then 20 for a seven.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_03: So they were pretty close.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: There's a ton of similarities between those two, and it's it's very easy to get them maybe you know, missed mistyped between those two.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: There's just a lot of energy, and again, it's the assertive but how you can narrow down between those two in particular is are you more of a feeling or are you thinking center?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: So do you make your decisions through your feelings or through your thought process?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: Are you do you respond through your thought process or your feeling?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: And those will that in particular helps you decide between the two.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the other triad coming into play.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so if you're seven, cr you do it by feeling, is that right?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: Thinking.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna be thinking, yeah, okay.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: I had it backwards.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, whereas the three would be the feel the feeling center where you're gonna be.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and so for me as a mom, really some of the biggest pain has been the emotional drain for me.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I feel it so intently.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: Homeschooling, my kids, um, some of the the difficulties we've had with their behavior that are legitimate some biological, chemical reason, you know, things.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um I I get exhausted emotionally, and it just they're able to hurt me in a way they have no idea because it's all feeling, and I can't rationalize my way through it like I would like to.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I well, first off, kudos to you and all the homeschooling moms.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: I know a bunch of kills anymore.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, kudos to you still, because I need my time in space.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: This sounds terrible.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: No, it doesn't.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I love my kids, but I need my time in space.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_03: And if we are all in the same vicinity for too long, it's I lose it.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_03: They don't necessarily lose it, but I do for sure.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: You hit a max and then it's just time.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, it is time.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's fine until it isn't.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm guessing that may have birthed some of this book idea.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I'd kind of love to know what you know, how did you know it wasn't just a conversation, a talk, or a blog post?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: What what in your life really propelled this message to go?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: No, this is a book.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: This is a long conversation that I need to have with a lot of people.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's well, originally I wanted to write this message to working moms, moms who were um juggling all the things.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_03: But then honestly, like the more I thought about it, I was like, you know what?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_03: What mom isn't?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: Every mom is a working mom.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_03: And so because I have done, I have been um in an office 40 plus hours a week.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_03: I have worked at home 40 hours a week.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: I've done the part-time gig.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_03: I have also, I was even a stay-at-home mom for a little bit until we I ran out of sanity and they and money.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_03: And money.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_03: So both are important.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_03: And so that's why it's it kind of more from this original idea where I wanted to talk just to moms who had some sort of job, whatever that was, whether working at home or um in an office.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_03: But it was based on, so I was living my life for a long while in sort of this perspective.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I didn't really know it at the time.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of reflecting back when I was thinking about how I lived my day to day, the daily grind.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I was living from this place of give, give, give, give, give, you know, and that's what we do as moms.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and and yeah, I would take and receive um things, whatever it is, love or time or um rest, whatever it is, I would receive, but it was this transaction.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_03: My life was always in transaction with people, with God, with um myself.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_03: And so the the more I studied the Bible, the better I got to know Jesus.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_03: The more I realized that this life isn't about a transaction, it's not about a give and take.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: It is about rest in settle in settling and not settling in a negative sense, but like really just acceptance of our true identity as whole W-H-O-L-E and Holy, yeah, H-O-L-Y, daughters of Christ.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: And so we when we do, when we live from that place of true acceptance and knowing that this life, it's not transactional, it's not supposed to be transactional.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: Let me clarify that we have more available for us than is needed from us.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_03: And that is so hard to get out of our minds as moms, because we're always giving, we're giving our time, our energy, our love, our money, all our band-aids, all the snacks, all the things.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_03: So our everything off our plate.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, the food off our plate for sure.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and the sleep.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_03: But I it's if we're gonna live this whole and holy life here on this side of heaven, because it's available right now for us because of what Christ has done, we have to accept that He has more for us than He needs from us.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: What would you say the path to wholeness is for Mamas?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_03: Uming who we are in our identity in Christ, because that the way we were created, and I'm and I'm I'm going back all the way to creation with Adam and Eve.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we do.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: We have to because it's the truest picture we can find that the Lord actually intended for us.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: So when they're in the garden, they were they were whole there with with each other in relationship and in relationship with Christ.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: And so I feel like I don't feel like I know that so much of our wholeness is based on relationship with God, number one, and then with others.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, if you've been a friend of the podcast for a little while, you know we love to talk Enneagram around here.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: But you might still have lots of questions about the Enneagram, and you might want to know the best way to begin your journey.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you're in luck because I have several simple ways to get you started.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: First, I have a wholehearted Enneagram quick start guide.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: You can download it and it gives you a rundown of my favorite resources and the step-by-step discovery process.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: Then I'd love to answer your Enneagram questions on the podcasts or on the socials so you can submit your questions in just under a minute on our Enneagram question form.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: And now, best of all, I'm a certified Enneagram coach, and I have a few limited spaces this spring with me, your wholehearted living coach.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: With years of life experience in addition to an understanding of the Enneagram, together we can discover your type and the best plan of growth for your spirit, mind, and body.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: Let's move past the messy metal.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Get free from the shame-based ending, and instead reboot your story by better understanding your season and uncover the fruit of your best life.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: Now, not everyone is right for this type of coaching, but if you want to find out if you'd be a good fit and get your 30-minute consult, you can get your name on the wait list.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: The links are in the show notes, and you can find out more at simply wholehearted.com.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, that's so good.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do you what's the journey that you take the reader on in your book?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have questions?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: Is it story-based?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: What's kind of your hope as a woman picks up your book and she decides to start flipping through?
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, so I start off the first few chapters explaining what it means to be whole and then what it means to be holy.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um and that again, W H O L E and then Holy H O L Y.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um so we start about start off.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: what it what that means, what that looks like um in the garden, what it looks like now, what what holiness is and how God is holy and how that affects us.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: But then the middle portion of the book, I talk about our day-to-day life and how we can take what we've already talked about in those meanings to the daily grind.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Mundane, right?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: How do we apply it to the mundane?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I talk a lot about relationship and not just how we interact with other people, but how we think about other people, how we think about our kids, um teachers, friends, our spouse, spouses, whoever um so the middle portion is our day-to-day, the things that we're called to do, the biblical um steps that God wants us to take.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_03: And then the end is where this promise of more that we have more available for us.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: And that section I it I specifically talk about spiritual disciplines, how we, you know, prayer, obviously we have to make time for God.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_03: And time is a it's a limited resource.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: And so how to go about making time for God and even our families um not even that I mean they that sounded bad but for the people in our lives but then mainly for God.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: But then I bring in the topic of fasting which yeah it's I don't um maybe it's different for you but I'm a big fan actually yeah as um it is a necess a necessity.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: It is a necessity and I feel like it is kind of becoming a lost art.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yes we have Lent coming up and people tend to fast for Lent.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: That's how I started doing it.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm talking about on a deeper level not necessarily just surrounding the sacred holidays but in it as a regular practice and why that's important.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I know some people may uh shy away from that sure and because it's hard right like fasting is a stripping motherhood is a fast.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: I mean it really is ultimately you're fasting yourself you're dying into yourself but the invitation is still there to take it to another level yes and I talk about how we how when we eliminate something that isn't bringing us closer to God how we can get more of God absolutely from and so that's and then that ties back into the title of the book More for mom so but it's so so important and I feel like it's a lost art nobody only very few people I know I work in a church so I I probably hear it more than um like my neighbors right I don't know many people who do it and we we spend um we call it three weeks to a wholehearted year um the last couple years and it it kind of stemmed from my husband and I have this tradition that I learned when I was single but this idea of starting the beginning of the year through prayer and fasting.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just this again this opportunity we have to just quiet ourselves push the pause button and to to put away some of those things that are distracting us from really engaging and hearing and um and it is I find people okay what do you actually mean about fasting what does that actually look like do you not go you know do you not have food for 24 hours and or three weeks you know whatever that is and no I think it looks so you know different for everyone um but the results are the same.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yes and ultimately you're getting more of Jesus like if you whatever isn't drawing you closer to God I believe is ultimately pulling you away from him.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah and so um whether that's like I have done an extended um social media fast before um I actually just finished uh extended food fast and so it's it's amazing like it until you actually do it and you do it right yeah um it's it's gonna be hard to understand.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_03: But I do I try and explain in um that specific chapter of my book about why it's important why and just all the benefits from it.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_03: So oh I love it.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: I think that when we looking ahead no one wants to fast like the word itself brings up all sorts of emotions evokes these pangs these feelings we don't like to feel but when we I think when we enter into it in a way that the Lord has called us and we know and we're obedient in it there is so much grace.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: And really ultimately for me a lot of times it represents I am letting go of something that I tend to hide in to numb myself or to avoid ultimately what it is that I need more and which is the Lord his word worship or even just writing it out with with him.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I love it.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: I I I think it's awesome that you chose to go there because it isn't being talked about especially in motherhood because motherhood is hard.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yes and we're already again we're already giving up so much as moms that this is a different it's a different intention stratosphere of giving things up.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: So that's good.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well a lot of what um we're talking about just in this kind of me mini season leading up to Mother's Day um is something that I've been taking women through for almost um well for two semesters now.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that is the topic of motherlessness and how we're kind of raising our hand on identifying this pain that maybe we didn't have language for before or an understanding because a lot of times we enter into motherhood with these ideals and you know we just have so naive in a beautiful way and that's why we enter into motherhood a lot of times.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: But suddenly all these feelings whether it's towards our mom because of their their physical absence maybe they're just you know states away you talked about your mom that's you know five hours away maybe their emotional absence maybe their spiritual absence because they don't share the same faith or again back to the physical maybe their mom died way too young and so they don't have their mom to share this amazing transition of life with and so I what would you just say to those who are who have identified that hurt and are looking towards um finding healing in that and their own identity and motherhood well I um first off I would say it's okay for it to hurt.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah um it's not a sin to be in pain it's not amen thank you for saying that yes it's not honestly um in Galatians I think it's five where they talk about the works of the flesh this is not one of them right and so when we invite well second I would say you need to invite Christ into that pain because when we do going back to Galatians five nine or five not not five nine it's Galatians five they there's the works of the flesh which pain is not a part of that but then um the fruit of the spirit follows that up and when we invite Christ into that he can fill us with love and joy and patience you know right yes well and what's needed is self-control that's the one I'm lacking most of the time um yes but it's okay to be sad um and it's okay it to look for other well first if we're we're look looking to Christ to fill that void but it's okay to find that in other people as well it's okay to search for a spiritual mentor if your if your mother is not filling that role it's okay to if she's physically absent it's okay to go find your um neighbor who may be someone else's mom but maybe she kind of adopts you as one too even if you are an adult I think I think it's okay and and and to go find him I think it's really key because I we often sit around waiting for the friendship the relationship or whatever but people just need to be asked the majority of the time we just need to go ask for help in that adoption.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely um because everybody is I actually just listened to um a podcast episode where they were talking about discipleship and I think the same thing can apply here you know if you are wanting to be discipled or if you are wanting to um disciple someone go ask because everybody's busy everybody's distracted they're not necessarily gonna notice that you're hurting and in pain but I think if they know and you reach out to them I think I think people there's a lot of grace and they want to help.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah they need to I believe that about people is that they honestly want to help and want to be in relationship and all those things.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: So absolutely yeah most people aren't wanting to insert themselves they need the invitation to to be able to give what they can very joyfully offer in their time and attention and love.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah it's so good.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes I love that so we have a few questions that we're enjoying asking just in this kind of the mini series leading up to Mother's Day and uh because we all can answer them and I've loved the different answers.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's been a ton of fun.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah when Kristen is stressed out you know maybe book launch or maybe the girls just spend too much time or all of that too many days off of school or whatever what um when you are stressed out what is your go-to vice?
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: What is it that you do?
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: What do I do?
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_03: I um I like to take my dog on a walk.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_03: Really that's great.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah yeah um because and I want to do it alone yes absolutely alone yes um or it's funny because last night I went out um with Galantine's I went out with a couple girlfriends to dinner yeah and two of them there was four of us there two of them just got new puppies and I am such a sucker for baby animals it was like 10 30 11 at night which for me that's extremely late I have young children.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_03: It didn't used to be late for me old now but I straight up went to their house and just snuggled with their puppies because I baby animals are my thing.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yes not necessarily when they grow up but I love baby animals.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_01: Baby animals no it's good I I definitely was having a rough day yesterday and I let Spencer know ahead of time that that's my husband just so he can have a heads up and he got home and he's like yeah why don't you go take a walk I'm like great idea.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's finally not icy in the streets and I can go take a walk and it it made all the difference in the world.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_03: It's yeah yeah it's a good one.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_03: Today is the first sunny day well it's not really sunny it's um kind of the sun's trying to peek out sunny day in week and um that's definitely on my to-do list today is to go take the day for a walk.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah absolutely I'm with you okay so did you like or dislike pregnancy?
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: What was your experience?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_03: You know I'm kind of neutral I um I could take it or leave it answer.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh I know I'm kind of neutral there were things I disliked obviously um but there were lots of things I liked I disliked you know losing my body if you will yeah not that it's something um not that it's something amazing but it was but it was so different before yeah it was different before um I did like having the excuse to go to bed early and that's great like having the excuse to sit down and eat whatever I want not whatever I want because the doctor told me not to but you know it's an excuse for two um but I didn't I didn't like even though I liked having the excuse to lay down or take a nap I didn't like actually being tired and slower and all those things that the physical portion of pregnancy and as a three causes that is frustrating.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_03: You lower my productivity I totally get that yes so does this mean you're an early riser or you just like going to bed early I okay it's really funny I am a night owl who's trying to be an early bird.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_03: Oh so I well because my husband he gets up for work at four every day and yeah and so I kind of want to be able to get up I set my alarm for 5 30 every day and it's like right now this week has been crazy.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_03: So I've kind of been like snooze until six yeah but I I do my best work at night and I'm more focused at night but because he has to get up early he's going to bed real early and so I'm like well I might as well go to bed too and try and do everything in the morning.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm trying to change yeah well kudos to you because that's not easy I just am I am naturally a morning person.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: I can't imagine when I do have to do the late night thing for sure nothing creative's happening.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: But secondly it is a struggle yeah yeah there are most times that Spencer would say yeah you have your best hours between 4 a.m and 8 p.m and then that's it and then and then you're like it's time to shut down I'm like desperately trying to get kids to bed and I've learned now they're all old enough to where I'm like hey listen if you want your routine which is the song and the prayer and the cuddles then you better be in bed right now or else I'm gonna be happening.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah I'm gonna be in my own bed and you can come to me.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes yes that's great okay we got we got off on a rabbit trail.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_03: All right the last thing uh is what was most startling about motherhood for you um probably the fact that it's it takes me to my extremes it can either bring out like make me the worst version of myself or the absolute best version of myself.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_03: And there's a lot of in between yeah but it's something about that role in those relationships it brings out the worst and the best I think.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah my goodness yeah I that's really well put because and maybe I wonder if it's a type thing.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm maybe through that I'm resonating I'm resonating with how you put that I'm like yeah that's it because it is the worst of times and it is the best of times.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_01: And there is some middle in there but yeah tends to be more the extreme that's really good.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah so for I always like to leave my listeners and our friends with you know of course we want them to go get your book and so much valuable content because this was just a way for them to get to know you and go, oh yeah I like Kristen I want to read her stuff.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_01: I want to go follow her and well I'd hope so yeah absolutely that's the point.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I also love because we're you know probably on the treadmill if we're lucky or walking around or doing dishes or cleaning the toilets that's what I tend to do when I'm listening to podcasts.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love to leave them with you know the one two or three things that they can do that you would just encourage them as you're speaking to them as a friend across the table of how they can better live a whole and holy life unto their role as a mom.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_03: First off kind of what I said earlier you're gonna have to make time like with any relationship it's they take time and energy you're gonna have to make time to um re read the Bible um read God's word get to know him a little better um then then well first before that probably is just accepting the fact that this on this side of heaven we have that whole and holy life available it doesn't have to be perfect it's not going to be perfect but it's available for us right now and knowing that I think is the first step and then from there when we're spending time um in our quiet times or yeah making time because honestly who has you're not gonna find it you've got to make it yeah yeah um just making time to read the read the Bible and get to know and what a whole and holy life looks like yeah so and what it feels like what it's um what it represents and all those things so yeah awesome well I have really loved getting to know you through the Blythe Daniel agency that has been and working on my influence circle which um you have been a huge part of I mean you do so many things can we just talk about you said you worked for a church I know you're a graphic designer web designer you've been working on my influence circle you're launching a book you have your own blog I mean do you asleep there's a lot going no I no not right now actually like I said I set by alarm at 5 30 but today I didn't even get up till six um I yeah so I work part-time at my church which it's Hope Presbyterian Church in the Memphis area it's an extremely large church um and I work in the marriage and family ministry as the coordinator there I do a little bit of social media with them I help them put on events um I teach on Sundays when my boss the past the marriage and family pastor isn't there um or can't be there and um so I do that part-time then I also do some freelance work I I write and I blog but I do a little bit of um web design on the work or on the side I wouldn't say I'm a graphic designer I can sort of do it if I need to um in a button but like yeah I can do simple simple stuff I'm not a super elaborate graphic designer seeing your stuff and it's way better than mine.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you thank you um and then also it's funny because the season just ended but I do judge cheerleading competitions.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no kidding yeah um because I used to work full time in the uh cheerleading industry which if you read the book you'll you'll hear about a couple times.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_03: Um but I did I just got back from Orlando judging the national high school cheerleading channel so I do yeah I do some of that on the side and that's just kind of just to make a little bit of extra money and see all my old friends that I used to work with.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: So you you were a cheerleader I'm I'm guessing throughout high school and college and all that.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh yep and I worked full time and I did sold cheerleading camps and competitions to coaches and schools around the state of Tennessee.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_03: Look at you that is so fun I love learning these things.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_03: I have yeah it's funny because um like a lot of people don't know that about me until people that I've met since I left that full time gig and they're like really it's yeah it was my life for a really long time.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah yeah that's crazy I know it's something something we're not talking about unless our daughters are involved in themselves yeah and my daughters are not my oldest one is starting to ask like hey I think I may want to try out and my husband's like no and I'm kind of like maybe we'll see maybe it's in the gene pool.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_01: Let's see yeah we'll we'll we'll find out that's so fun I've loved this thank you so much thanks so much for your time and thank you so much for having me.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: Best to you this is fun.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_01: It is it's really fun I love it.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful I get to do this and yeah I'm so grateful.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah what a fun time I've really enjoyed getting to know Kristen and I hope you'll continue the conversation with both of us on the socials and get her new book and share it with others.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: There is more for mom so you can become wholehearted in your life in Christ.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: Now stay tuned next week as we continue our series on motherhood.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_01: Also our 100th episode is coming up here soon.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_01: I can't believe how many amazing conversations there are to have I'd love to have you celebrate with me by reaching a hundred reviews on iTunes so as to let others know which episodes are your favorite and why you like the podcast.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_01: We only need about 60 more and I know we have thousands of downloads a month so it should be easy to reach 100 in no time.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_01: Let's continue to invite others to join us as we continue to pursue perspective, purpose and plans for a simply wholehearted life