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5 Mistakes Every Play Therapist Makes (And How to Grow from Them) · Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence

• 0:02
  Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy.
• 0:04
  A weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services.
• 0:14
  We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play.
• 0:23
  I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives.
• 0:33
  So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families.
• 0:49
  Hey there.
• 0:49
  Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy, where we talk about all things play therapy.
• 0:57
  And today I thought, you know what?
• 0:59
  Let's talk about, let's talk about our mistakes.
• 1:03
  Like we've all made them.
• 1:06
  I've made them.
• 1:07
  To be honest sometimes I still make them.
• 1:12
  And if you have ever left a session thinking to yourself, uh, I don't know if I made a difference.
• 1:22
  I don't know if that worked.
• 1:25
  Am I even helping?
• 1:27
  I must be the worst play therapist on the planet.
• 1:30
  I should probably refer my client to somebody who knows what they're doing.
• 1:36
  If you've ever felt that way, then you are in the right place because we have all felt that way.
• 1:44
  I've felt that way, and it's usually coming down to one of the five things that I wanna talk about today.
• 1:57
  A lot of times it's more than one.
• 1:59
  And if you're experiencing any of those feelings that I mentioned, then you definitely wanna stay tuned for today and check it out.
• 2:12
  So a lot of these are things that I find, one I like, I've made these mistakes, and then now as I talk to more and more play therapists, especially when I'm talking to play therapists who schedule a video call to find out if Play Therapy Academy is a good fit for them.
• 2:34
  These are a lot of, these are the things that we talk about, and we also talk about these a lot in Play Therapy Academy.
• 2:43
  So Play Therapy Academy is my online consultation program.
• 2:48
  It's more like a VIP experience is the way that I explain it, where we have, um, consultation calls.
• 2:56
  There are courses in the program, and then we have a group chat.
• 3:01
  So lots and lots of sport and lots and lots and lots of conversations.
• 3:07
  And these are the things that I find up come up a lot.
• 3:10
  So I thought, you know what?
• 3:12
  This would probably make a really helpful episode for the live stream, or those of you watching the replay, or those of you listening to the podcast episode.
• 3:27
  So if you're interested, I am gonna talk a little bit about Play Therapy Academy at the end.
• 3:33
  So if you've been looking for a community of support with a lot of hands-on support, especially um, for me and the group, it's a small group.
• 3:45
  Then you're definitely gonna wanna stay and listen to the end because I, I will talk about that.
• 3:52
  If that's something you're finding you need, you really are missing to take your play therapy skills to the next level.
• 4:00
  So.
• 4:01
  Let's get started for today, and I wanna talk about, so today's topic is how to overcome mistakes, mistakes using play therapy.
• 4:13
  And we've all, we've all done these and um, probably we do them more when we're just getting started in the play therapy field.
• 4:25
  But some of these even, 20, almost 25 years now using clay therapy specifically.
• 4:34
  Once I've figured out how to get the training, um, I still find myself having to remind myself of these mistakes when I, when I start feeling a little lost.
• 4:49
  So the first mistake that I wanna focus on today is.
• 4:55
  Uh, this one comes up a lot.
• 4:57
  Like we have a lot of conversations with these in Play Therapy Academy.
• 5:02
  Um, and so what I'm about to say, I just wanna do a little disclaimer.
• 5:11
  Uh, we're play therapists.
• 5:14
  We love learning about play therapy activities.
• 5:18
  When I provide play therapy trainings, I typically, unless it's a short, unless it's a short training.
• 5:27
  But if it's at least a day long training and even the shorter ones, I try to get these in there, play therapy activities.
• 5:34
  'cause we, we love play therapy activities.
• 5:37
  So the first mistake is over focusing on getting just the right play therapy activity or you're focusing on what play therapy activities to use and not focusing on your theoretical framework.
• 5:58
  Like we've all, we've all done it.
• 6:01
  We've all gone to the trainings.
• 6:02
  I go to the trainings.
• 6:04
  I have the books.
• 6:06
  I have all the books by Lianna Lowenstein.
• 6:10
  I have books from my, my colleague friends in Australia.
• 6:16
  Viant and Suzanne Barrett, they've got some awesome books as well.
• 6:22
  Early on I collected tons of books by Paris, Goodyear Brown, which she was putting out lots of books about activities.
• 6:30
  Like if there was a book, I was probably gonna buy it from when I was doing directive.
• 6:36
  Play therapy.
• 6:36
  If you are strictly a child-centered play therapist, then this mistake is probably one that you still struggle with.
• 6:44
  And what I mean by that, especially if you're just new learning, child-centered play therapy, there's a tendency to feel like you're not doing it right or you're missing the mark or it's not working.
• 7:00
  So then, then there's a tendency to think, oh, I just need to integrate a play therapy activity, Plus, child-centered play therapy isn't working with my 6-year-old client.
• 7:12
  So parents are asking me what's going on, or I feel like I'm getting pressured from the school staff, so I should probably use a directive activity.
• 7:24
  And that's not necessarily the case.
• 7:26
  What the, what typically is the problem is you're not focusing on the model.
• 7:33
  Through your play therapy model.
• 7:34
  So for child-centered play therapy, you're kind of feeling pressured and like you need to demonstrate that you know what you're doing.
• 7:46
  And so the go-to is getting an activity.
• 7:50
  I, I've been there, I have, I have done that myself.
• 7:55
  What happens though, and this is a lot of conversations we have in Play Therapy Academy, is when we really start looking at, if somebody is using Child-Centered Play therapy and that's their model that they wanna learn, then when we go in there and we look at what's going on, Child-Centered Play therapy is working just fine.
• 8:14
  Um, when we're looking at the themes and we're looking at the sessions and seeing how those are going, all the other models.
• 8:23
  Adleria play therapy, Gestalt play therapy, um, Psychodynamic play therapy, all, all of the other ones.
• 8:33
  Prescriptive play therapy, Integrated play therapy models.
• 8:40
  Those lean sometimes between child led and therapist led depending on a variety of things going on.
• 8:48
  The thing that you wanna do is you wanna make sure you're focused on your play therapy model.
• 8:54
  How does your play therapy model explain what's going on in the sessions?
• 8:59
  What stage of play therapy are you in based on your the theoretical model?
• 9:06
  It's gonna explain what you are doing in that stage of play therapy, which then, leads back to what are you gonna, if you're, if you're doing a directive activity, then you're focusing on what type of activity fits for this client in this, in this stage of play therapy.
• 9:31
  So the focus is more on your theoretical model and what's going on, and then, then based on your model, you can figure out what play therapy activities to put in there.
• 9:44
  And I find this is, this is probably the number one reason play therapists feel lost or they leave a session feeling like, oh, it didn't work.
• 9:56
  Play therapy's not working.
• 9:59
  I'm doing a terrible job.
• 10:01
  I must not be a good play therapist.
• 10:04
  Uh, maybe I should refer.
• 10:06
  That's usually the number one reason why you might be feeling that way.
• 10:14
  And so, to be honest, that's probably a big thing that we focus on in Play Therapy Academy is figuring out what's going on, how does your model explain it, and then how do you get back on track using play therapy.
• 10:30
  The second mistake that I see happening a lot is waiting too long to involve therapist, uh, parents or caregivers or, um, not involving them because there's a belief that if you involve them, then you're violating your client's confidentiality or you're not sure what to say to parents.
• 11:02
  Usually what happens if you wait too long to involve parents in the play therapy session, it's because you also don't really have a good, um, grounding, and again, it kind of goes back to your model as well.
• 11:19
  What does your model say?
• 11:21
  What does your play therapy model say about the role of parents?
• 11:27
  What does your play therapy model say about how are you integrating parents in the play therapy process?
• 11:34
  So child-centered play therapy is still going to integrate parents in the play therapy process.
• 11:43
  They're just not integrating them in the session with the child.
• 11:48
  They're gonna do parent consultation sessions.
• 11:51
  So child-centered play therapy, you're still involving parents and your play therapy model influences how you're gonna do that.
• 12:01
  But let's say Adlerian play therapy, Adlerian play therapy, will, will, um.
• 12:09
  Explain the role of parents in the, in the change process and how you're gonna integrate them in there so you can have family play therapy sessions and have parents in the sessions with the child using that model.
• 12:26
  So, so waiting too long to involve parents is usually, what usually happens is one, you're not, you're not thinking about using that, um, clinical decision making based on what does your play therapy model say.
• 12:46
  The other thing is, and this is gonna lead to number three that I'm gonna go over as well, but I'll kind of mention it here, which is you haven't started out with parents and gathering that information to formulate your case conceptualization from the very beginning.
• 13:07
  But the, the, the other thing that happens a lot is because one, you haven't kind of thought about the, the role of parents.
• 13:18
  Then the other part of that is you haven't really established your expectations, like what exactly is gonna look like?
• 13:29
  I, I remember I did this.
• 13:30
  We all do this.
• 13:32
  This is one thing we talk a lot about in Play Therapy Academy as well.
• 13:36
  And if you listened to any of my previous livestream episodes or you've been listening to the podcast episodes that you probably would've heard me say this probably 9 million times, which is, the five minute check-ins at the end of the session are, one, they're never five minutes, and two, they're not enough time to build that rapport with parents.
• 14:04
  I remember, I, I remember like not wanting to overwhelm parents and I wanted to be supportive of them.
• 14:12
  And so I, you know, I, I did the five minute check-ins at the end.
• 14:18
  It was front of the child, always made me feel uncomfortable.
• 14:21
  But when the way that I was trained in there was like early on we didn't really think about these things, to be honest.
• 14:28
  Not, not from my experience anyway.
• 14:31
  And so somewhere along the line I found myself getting really frustrated.
• 14:37
  Find feeling like why am I having a hard time getting parents to schedule appointments or, um, mostly they don't wanna schedule appointments.
• 14:49
  And then I was getting the phone calls in between sessions and I had all those phone calls that I was replying to, uh, responding to.
• 14:58
  Or I would get emails and they would send me this big, long email about what's going on.
• 15:04
  This is way before we had texting.
• 15:07
  Uh, texting is much bigger now, so I imagine there would be big, long texts.
• 15:12
  Um.
• 15:13
  Before I changed things and, and what I realized was I was getting burned out and then I was getting frustrated.
• 15:22
  So when I took a step back, I thought, you know what?
• 15:26
  I haven't gotten clear on my expectations.
• 15:30
  I always use the analogy of, for any of those of you that are married or you're living with your partner and you've lived with your partner for you know, at least a year or more, um, you realize, you know, you go into the relationship and you're like, oh, this is awesome.
• 15:48
  This is great.
• 15:50
  We're gonna have a great relationship.
• 15:51
  Everything is gonna be awesome.
• 15:55
  You've, you've had, you know, you, you feel like you're, you know what you want.
• 16:00
  Had some of those conversations here and there.
• 16:04
  And then you start living with each other and then you're like, wait a minute, this is really irritating me.
• 16:11
  My husband and I are gonna celebrate 33 years of marriage on Friday.
• 16:16
  We've been together 35, so it's a really long time.
• 16:21
  But you know, every marriage, every relationship where you're living together, there's some point in time.
• 16:26
  You're like, wait, this.
• 16:28
  This is, this is irritating me.
• 16:31
  And then you take a step back and you realize, huh, these are expectations that I've had that I didn't know I had.
• 16:39
  I just thought everybody had these, I thought everybody understood how this works, and now I'm getting irritated.
• 16:47
  So then we have conversations and hopefully that goes well.
• 16:52
  Right?
• 16:52
  Well, it's the same for mental health.
• 16:54
  Parents don't know.
• 16:55
  If they don't know what the expectations are, you're the expert in their eyes.
• 17:00
  And that if you are not clear on your expectations, then you haven't communicated them to parents from that very first phone call about what the expectations are.
• 17:15
  And so, uh, identifying those expectations and communicating those expectations.
• 17:22
  And what is that gonna look like?
• 17:24
  Is an important part of the process.
• 17:27
  And so what I, what, what happened for me?
• 17:31
  There were way too many times that I was having pa a hard time getting parents to schedule appointments, and there was always al always, and sometimes there are really good reasons and at the same time, you are the expert and so you know what needs to happen to facilitate the change process.
• 17:52
  You have to have those conversations first.
• 17:54
  You have to have that conversation with yourself.
• 17:57
  What are your expectations?
• 17:59
  Because waiting too long to schedule with parents or trying not to overwhelm them and not put one more thing on their plate.
• 18:12
  Then what typically happens, not always, but what typically happens then is you get all these phone calls in between sessions and the emails and the texts, everything's going wrong, play therapy's not working.
• 18:26
  Then you feel more pressure, then you're not sure what to do.
• 18:30
  Then get frustrated, start getting a little burned out.
• 18:33
  If any of that sounds sounds familiar, raise your virtual hand or like put a hand raise, hand emoji in the comments.
• 18:44
  Um, if, if that has been you.
• 18:48
  The fix is to one, figure out your expectations and then communicate those.
• 18:56
  The third mistake, um, that I find play therapists making is I, to me, this is another big one, and I talk about this a lot and I talk about it a lot because it is a big one.
• 19:14
  And I, this is a lot that we talk about when I do case consultations, especially when we're doing, uh, consultation in Play Therapy Academy.
• 19:24
  But I also have my other, um, membership program.
• 19:31
  Which I had to change the name.
• 19:32
  So now it's called Play Therapy Elevation Circle.
• 19:35
  That one's gonna launch again, but it's closed right now.
• 19:39
  Um, but we talk about that with Case Consultation in Elevation Circle as well, and, and Play Therapy Academy.
• 19:49
  We meet twice a month, so we we're regularly having these conversations, um, and going through the case conceptualization process.
• 19:59
  So.
• 20:00
  What ends up happening is because you have this amazing big heart that wants to help and you want to make a difference in the lives of children, and again, I made this mistake too, um, you get right to the play therapy session and you kind of skip the information gathering.
• 20:25
  You maybe do the play therapy session and you're kind of getting information through the play therapy session, and maybe you didn't, which is good, and maybe you didn't take that initial session to with making sure the caregivers are there at least.
• 20:45
  When kids are really little, I only, I tell, uh, caregivers parents just come alone.
• 20:51
  'cause if they're really little, that gathering all of that information is not gonna be so helpful in front of them.
• 20:59
  Um, depending on the age of the child, also.
• 21:03
  Um, it skipping that initial session where you're asking all the questions, you're doing the psychosocial assessment.
• 21:11
  You're asking all the questions, frequency, intensity, and duration of the symptoms, getting some history, getting developmental history, all the things, because all that information, you're gonna take that and use that to formulate your case conceptualization from the very beginning, and then it's an ongoing assessment process throughout the change process in play therapy.
• 21:41
  And getting that initial information gives you a good starting point.
• 21:47
  So what do I mean by that?
• 21:49
  What do I mean by case conceptualization?
• 21:54
  It?
• 21:54
  That is where you're gathering enough information, all the information to figure out what's causing the problem.
• 22:04
  Like what are the roots of the problem and what are the patterns in the child's life that are sustaining those?
• 22:12
  That's gonna give you a good starting point, a good start for your working hypothesis about what you're probably dealing with.
• 22:23
  It's also gonna help you get a diagnosis, so.
• 22:26
  Diagnosis is not a bad word.
• 22:29
  We can be friends with diagnoses.
• 22:32
  Diagnoses isn't everything.
• 22:34
  It's not the end all be all.
• 22:36
  And diagnoses the way that I look at it, it gives us a good starting point for understanding a cluster of symptoms and why are they happening?
• 22:46
  Um, your theoretical model is gonna go deeper into helping you explain why the symptoms are happening, and then what are you gonna do about it?
• 22:56
  So like I, my fundamental theoretical model is attachment theory and neuroscience.
• 23:03
  So I look at everything.
• 23:06
  Through that lens, even child-centered play therapy.
• 23:09
  So just kind of adds an extra layer in the child-centered play therapy approach.
• 23:15
  Because child-centered play therapy is heavily relational, so it's a good fit.
• 23:20
  Um, and then I, when I do more of an integrative model, then I still use attachment and neuroscience as my theory model, so then it helps me make sense of the behaviors.
• 23:33
  And then it's gonna help me figure out what I'm going to do using a play therapy model, which for mine is if I'm doing directive or child, I'm usually using more of a integrative model.
• 23:47
  And then I. I am, I'm looking at what needs to happen and what needs to change, and I'm assessing that over time, throughout each stage of play therapy.
• 23:58
  So it, it helps with your clinical decision making, it helps with your decision making from session to session to session.
• 24:06
  What are you gonna do?
• 24:08
  Who's gonna be involved?
• 24:09
  What is that gonna look like?
• 24:12
  What and are they making any progress?
• 24:15
  So they kind of go hand in hand your theoretical model and your case conceptualization go hand to hand.
• 24:22
  But what happens is if you don't take the time to do that, you don't take the time to gather all of the information.
• 24:32
  Then you kind of are starting out a little bit blind, so to speak, in many ways.
• 24:40
  And then.
• 24:42
  You start, at some point you're gonna feel lost, like you don't know what's going on, you're not sure what's happening.
• 24:48
  Then you're gonna start second guessing yourself, and then you're gonna start doubting yourself.
• 24:54
  And then you're gonna start thinking, maybe I'm not a good play therapist, so if any of this sounds familiar, know that you're not alone.
• 25:05
  To be honest, I still think about these things.
• 25:09
  Sometimes I still kind of struggle, and then what I do then is I, I take a step back.
• 25:15
  If, if I find myself getting frustrated or I find myself getting a little lost and thinking, oh my gosh, is this working or not?
• 25:24
  I'll take a step back and I'll go through my case conceptualization.
• 25:30
  What is at the root of the problem?
• 25:32
  Why is it happening?
• 25:33
  What is my model?
• 25:34
  What is my play therapy model?
• 25:36
  What are my theoretical lens say about that?
• 25:39
  And then it kind of helps you get back on track.
• 25:43
  Mistake number four is really the last two have more to do with self-care.
• 25:51
  These are ones I think we always, even now I have to do this and I think this is an ongoing thing.
• 25:59
  I think no matter if you're, you're a new play therapist or you're a seasoned play therapist, or you're somewhere in between.
• 26:06
  This is one thing that we continually have to come back to over and over, and that is checking in with our own nervous system.
• 26:17
  Like how are we doing?
• 26:19
  Especially, I remember when I did a ton of sessions.
• 26:23
  I do more consulting and, um, overseeing at this point, but I do have a. I do see clients here in, uh, caseload mostly.
• 26:34
  I do a lot of, uh, consultation.
• 26:37
  And even now, I mean, I remember being when I had a full caseload, day after day kind of take, taking time in between sessions, check in with my nervous system.
• 26:49
  So the mistake number four is not tending to your own nervous system, and the fix for that is, is to make sure that you are.
• 27:01
  Do your self care in between sessions.
• 27:05
  I'll be honest, sometimes I use the cleanup process as a way to kind of reboot my system, kind of give myself a chance to take some breaths, slow down, clear my mind and get ready for the next session or the next thing that I have to do.
• 27:27
  And the third one, I feel like, I mean, sorry, the fifth one, I feel like this one is probably, I.
• 27:31
  Inherent in the helping profession because we do wanna make a difference.
• 27:42
  We want to help people.
• 27:44
  We feel, and then the problem is we feel like we have to be perfect.
• 27:49
  Like we have to be the perfect play therapist.
• 27:52
  We have to do everything right.
• 27:54
  It's solely our responsibility to get everything right.
• 28:00
  Everything falls on us.
• 28:02
  If that is you, if you can relate again, raise your virtual hand, right?
• 28:09
  Put a, put a raised hand emoji in the, in the comments.
• 28:13
  Those of you listening on the podcast, RA, you know, like I, I see you, I see you raising your hand.
• 28:21
  Um, if you're listening to the podcast on YouTube, you can still leave a comment.
• 28:25
  I learned that.
• 28:27
  I learned that this week.
• 28:29
  I'm still trying to figure out all the, like the backend things of all this technology stuff.
• 28:34
  Um, anyway, so yes, raise your hand for sure.
• 28:41
  Right on Instagram.
• 28:43
  Hey there, Instagram.
• 28:45
  Um, yes.
• 28:47
  Virtual hands for right.
• 28:48
  I, I'll be honest, I still struggle with this one sometimes I'm much better at it now 'cause I'm like 35 years, almost 35 years in mental health now.
• 28:59
  Um, so I'm much better at it and I still catch myself doing this because I do wanna make a difference, right?
• 29:08
  And we feel like everything is our responsibility.
• 29:13
  Here's the reality.
• 29:15
  It's not.
• 29:15
  Everything is not our responsibility one.
• 29:20
  This is a good reason why you wanna make sure to involve parents because they're gonna make a deeper impact if you can help parents become the therapeutic agents of change for their children.
• 29:33
  Sometimes it's rare, but on occasion, it just doesn't work.
• 29:40
  And so you have to kind of shift gears with that and figure out another way.
• 29:46
  Typically, parents with support, parenting is hard, man.
• 29:50
  Um, parents need support.
• 29:52
  They, they get a ton of noise on the internet these days, and all the noise tells them they're doing a terrible job.
• 30:01
  So parents need our support.
• 30:04
  And that's one way to kind of help not be fully responsible for everything is when you're partnering with parents and bringing them alongside and helping them be a facilitator of change.
• 30:19
  But everything is not your fault.
• 30:22
  If it fails, it's not always your fault.
• 30:24
  And let's say you make a mistake 'cause you're going to, it's not a matter of if you're going to make a mistake.
• 30:31
  Spoiler alert, you are going, you are going to make mistakes, that you're gonna have a bad day, you're gonna be tired, you're not gonna be feeling well, you're gonna be frustrated some days.
• 30:42
  Some days you're like learning new things and you're, you're not gonna know 'cause you're learning.
• 30:47
  And the only way to progress and get better at your skills is to learn.
• 30:53
  There's just no way around it.
• 30:55
  That's why really good consultation support is helpful.
• 30:59
  So in Play Therapy Academy, we try to give a lot of support during that learning process.
• 31:06
  Um, but give yourself a little bit of grace.
• 31:12
  You don't have to be perfect.
• 31:14
  You aren't.
• 31:15
  I mean.
• 31:15
  If you're not perfect, nobody is.
• 31:18
  So here's what you do.
• 31:20
  This to me is where, so this is, this is, this is what, so case conceptualization is important.
• 31:28
  Using your theory model is important combined with therapeutic rapport.
• 31:35
  Therapeutic rapport is the anchor to the process.
• 31:39
  You don't have to be pro perfect.
• 31:42
  Sometimes all you need to do is to be present, fully attuned and present in the moment, and help clients feel seen, heard, and understood.
• 31:59
  Doing that authentically focusing on some congruent, so if like.
• 32:05
  Like when, not if, when you find yourself kind of drifting off or like, sometimes I still find myself getting a little irritated and I'll check in with my nervous system.
• 32:16
  I'm like, what is going on?
• 32:18
  Why am I getting I irritated?
• 32:20
  Or why am I getting frustrated?
• 32:22
  Then I'll kind of check in.
• 32:23
  I'm like, okay, I am not in congruent.
• 32:26
  I'm not congruent with unconditional positive regard and empathy.
• 32:30
  I will figure that out later.
• 32:33
  Um, 'cause all, 'cause I know something got activated that's gonna give me some good clinical information.
• 32:41
  Um, so I, I tell myself, you know what, I'm gonna figure that out later.
• 32:46
  Right now I'm just gonna be fully present in the moment.
• 32:51
  Congruent with unconditional positive regard and empathy.
• 32:56
  Then if I can figure out in the moment what's going on, then I can do some clinical decision making about what am I gonna do with that?
• 33:04
  But I have to first be from a place of authenticity with unconditional positive regard and empathy.
• 33:14
  That doesn't mean we don't set limits, we set limits.
• 33:18
  Um, we can do that.
• 33:19
  But you, my point here is you don't have to be perfect.
• 33:24
  Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is to be present.
• 33:34
  Sometimes that's it.
• 33:37
  We're good.
• 33:38
  Clients are good, and then we'll figure it out as we go.
• 33:41
  Sometimes we just let go and we trust the process.
• 33:46
  We trust that if we lean into relationship, if we lean into our, our model.
• 33:54
  Then we will get there and we will figure it out.
• 33:57
  We can always do repair work any time those times where we've made mistakes.
• 34:02
  If we need to do that, we can.
• 34:04
  That's.
• 34:05
  That repair work can be really powerful with your clients, especially kids, man grownups don't, don't often.
• 34:13
  Maybe they do now more now, but, um, I, I know I always did with my kids.
• 34:19
  That was really, really important.
• 34:21
  But it wasn't really the prevailing parenting wisdom at the time.
• 34:26
  Not, I think it probably is more now, but think about that with the kid.
• 34:32
  Owning our mistakes, apologizing and doing that repair work goes a long way with kids when they know it's authentic and they see that you genuinely are gonna cha make the change and you genuinely care about them as people.
• 34:47
  So those are the five mistakes that I regularly see, um, going on with play therapists, including myself, ones I've had to work on as well.
• 35:00
  So let me do a quick recap.
• 35:02
  One is your over focusing on activities and you are not really focused on what your play therapy model says.
• 35:11
  So even if you are using an integrated play therapy model.
• 35:16
  It's grounded on theoretical framework.
• 35:19
  Like I use an integrated version of a child-centered play therapy in there when I'm doing more directive.
• 35:28
  'cause child-centered play therapy is amazing for relationship and being fully present in the moment.
• 35:35
  Um, also neuroscience and attachment theory.
• 35:41
  How am I looking at this through this lens?
• 35:44
  And there was a, a trauma model that I learned a long time ago.
• 35:51
  She's probably 15 years ago.
• 35:54
  So I kind of integrate that one in there because it has a neuroscience model to it.
• 35:59
  But it was, um, it's a trauma model, but I kind of use it a lot to, to kind of anchor my play therapy work when I'm using more directive type of work when they're a little older.
• 36:14
  It's still grounded in a theory model.
• 36:16
  There are still stages of the change process, so you wanna make sure that you have a framework that's grounded in theory that you're working out of, and then you can plug in activities from there.
• 36:31
  The second mistake that I regularly see play therapists make uh, making is, is waiting too long to involve parents in the play therapy process 'cause you don't wanna overwhelm them.
• 36:44
  You know they have a lot going on.
• 36:46
  Or maybe you feel intimidated or you're not sure how to integrate parents, which then goes back to your play therapy model.
• 36:55
  What happens is you first have to get clear on what your expectations are.
• 37:03
  What are your expectations and how does that align with your play therapy model?
• 37:09
  And then how are you communicating that to parents about what that's gonna look like and how are you communicating to them what is their role in the play therapy process?
• 37:22
  The third mistake is skipping the whole case conceptualization process.
• 37:27
  Not using that very first session to have parents part of the process.
• 37:34
  Gather all the information, get the specifics about the symptoms, frequency, intensity, and duration.
• 37:45
  When does it happen?
• 37:45
  When does it not happen?
• 37:48
  How do you deal with it?
• 37:49
  Family history, developmental history, all of those things.
• 37:54
  The reason you wanna gather that initially is so you can begin your initial case conceptualization, also known as your working hypothesis.
• 38:04
  Like how are you making sense of the, what's going on?
• 38:08
  Like what are the roots of this problem and what's activating it?
• 38:13
  What are the patterns that are activating it?
• 38:16
  What are the patterns for the child?
• 38:18
  I. What are the relational interaction patterns within the family, at school?
• 38:24
  Different, um, areas where the child is integrated into the community, right?
• 38:31
  We're looking at all of those patterns.
• 38:33
  Then you use that to formulate your working hypothesis and assess and adjust throughout the change process Whenever you get lost and you will.
• 38:46
  Then you just go back to your case conceptualization and what your play therapy model says to help you get back on track.
• 38:54
  The fourth mistake, the fourth and fifth mistakes are really more about our own self-care and that, so number four is that we're not tending to our own nervous system, like we need to check in, check in with ourselves.
• 39:10
  Clear, kind of clear your thoughts, clear out all the whatever's going on in there, in, in your own nervous system.
• 39:19
  Clear that in between sessions and attending to like what can you actually, I call it theoretically hold, like, what can you, sorry, not theoretically.
• 39:32
  What can you therapeutically hold in a day?
• 39:37
  Like how many actual sessions can you actually have and not feel burned out by the end of the day?
• 39:47
  So you have to figure out what that number is because you are therapeutically holding a lot of people every day from session to session to session.
• 39:58
  So part of that is checking in and how are you gonna manage that and what do you need?
• 40:03
  What is the self care that you need to be able to do that?
• 40:09
  Um.
• 40:10
  So for me, I, I do that in between sessions, kind of clear the air, but also taking time, like connecting with my family, my kids, my husband, go getting out in nature.
• 40:25
  Nature like soothes my soul.
• 40:29
  Hiking soothes my soul.
• 40:32
  I have got to get into nature or to like feed my soul, um, and spending time with my, my kids and my family.
• 40:43
  And, um, that to me is really, really important.
• 40:47
  And my, my friends, I have a real small circle of friends and spending time with them is really important as well.
• 40:55
  So number five is, number five is thinking you have to be perfect and you don't.
• 41:05
  It's not possible if you find yourselves like getting stressed out or feeling overwhelmed, checked into to check in with yourself, like do you, are you feeling responsible?
• 41:16
  Are you feeling like you're responsible for everything?
• 41:19
  That everything is your fault if it works or doesn't work.
• 41:23
  Like you have to come up with the perfect this or the perfect that and that, and you have to do everything perfectly and say everything perfectly.
• 41:32
  You don't, it's not possible.
• 41:34
  We're human beings.
• 41:35
  My husband actually said this to me once.
• 41:38
  He is not in the mental health field.
• 41:40
  He, um, he's more always been in law enforcement field.
• 41:46
  So those are two systems that kind of have to work together, helping, right Help, helping mission focused, coming at things a different way.
• 41:57
  But my husband said to me one time, 'cause I was like, oh, you know, having a bad day and feeling like I did things wrong and wishing I had done things differently and, this was a while back, man, he said to me, well, you're a human being.
• 42:12
  It's not like you're gonna do everything perfectly.
• 42:16
  I mean, you're human.
• 42:17
  Of course that's gonna happen.
• 42:19
  When he said it, it was like, it was like electricity.
• 42:22
  Like, oh, he's got such a good point there.
• 42:27
  Um, so I kind of remind myself ever since then, like, oh, wait a minute.
• 42:32
  Am I expecting myself to be perfect?
• 42:35
  No, I have, I, I have to be the therapeutic version of me in with my clients and what does that look like?
• 42:42
  How do I do, you know, how do I do repair work?
• 42:45
  That can be really powerful.
• 42:47
  The times when I've missed the mafk.
• 42:49
  But I don't always miss the mark.
• 42:51
  Sometimes it's not me.
• 42:53
  Sometimes I'm taking responsibility for things that are not mine to take responsibility for.
• 43:00
  And so make sure you check in with yourself.
• 43:03
  Who's responsible?
• 43:05
  Who owns the problem, who's responsible for fixing the problem?
• 43:09
  Your role is to be the guide.
• 43:11
  You're the wise guide who says, oh, go this way or that way.
• 43:16
  And then when they don't do that and what what you said was gonna happen happens, then you compassionately with empathy, kind of go through and work through that process with them, but they're ultimately responsible for making the changes.
• 43:33
  We cannot make those changes.
• 43:36
  So that is it for today.
• 43:39
  So those of you who are interested in Play Therapy Academy, I have, I have currently, um, one spot currently open and I probably have a couple of spots opening up soon.
• 43:56
  So if you're interested, Play Therapy Academy is my online play therapy program where we meet twice a month, we do case consultation.
• 44:08
  You have not only my 30, almost 35 years of wisdom, you have the wisdom of the group and if you ask anybody in Play Therapy Academy, what is their favorite part?
• 44:19
  And I would say the same thing.
• 44:21
  It's the community, it's the group.
• 44:24
  It's.
• 44:25
  It's hearing everybody's ideas and insights and suggestions and resources, feeling seen, heard and understood, and then coming up with some strategies and helping to basically take their play therapy skills to the next level.
• 44:47
  Really a lot of growth I think happens in Play therapy Academy'cause it is pretty hands-on.
• 44:54
  And then there's courses to give you some foundational skills, um, while you're learning to apply them during the consultation calls.
• 45:04
  And then we also have a group chat feature to get lots of support in between our consultation calls and then there's some other, there are other some bon bonuses with that as well.
• 45:17
  If you've been looking for a space to help you take your play therapy skills to the next level, and maybe you wanna work on your registered play therapy credential, then Play Therapy Academy could, could possibly be what you've been looking for.
• 45:36
  Not everybody in Play Therapy Academy is pursuing their registered play therapy credential.
• 45:42
  Sometimes people have their credential, they just wanted to fill in and get more support and fill in the gaps where they felt like they had gaps in their learning.
• 45:51
  So if you're interested, then hop over to my website at rh play therapy training.com.
• 45:59
  Um, I revamped the consultation page a little bit.
• 46:03
  So it used to say, it used to be the supervision page.
• 46:08
  Now it's the consultation page.
• 46:10
  So pop over to r uh, my website at rh play therapy training.com and then click on the consultation page.
• 46:20
  You'll find more information about Play Therapy Academy on there.
• 46:24
  Schedule a free 30 minute video with, uh, video call.
• 46:28
  I. I, I like to do the video calls to make sure it's a good fit so you can ask all of your questions.
• 46:36
  We can talk about where you're struggling and how Play Therapy Academy can help you overcome that or take your skills to the next level.
• 46:45
  I. So schedule the free video call and hop over to my website, and I will see you next week.
• 46:55
  Bye for now.
• 47:01
  Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy.
• 47:06
  I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families feel.
• 47:15
  If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review.
• 47:21
  Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information.
• 47:27
  Remember.
• 47:28
  Play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth.
• 47:31
  Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work in relationships.
• 47:43
  If you have any questions or topics, suggestions for future episodes.
• 47:48
  I'd love to hear from you.
• 47:50
  Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources.
• 48:02
  Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy.
• 48:06
  Until next time, keep playing, learning and growing.