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Helping Your Children Thrive: Essential Tips for Back-to-School · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 43.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: We are inching closer to the start of school.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Well, I should not say inching, I should say sprinting to the start.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Last week on the podcast, I discussed how to support and encourage single parents as they gear up for the chaos known as August.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: For some, this transition is new and this is the first year of being single and they have to navigate school.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: For others, they've experienced back-to-school chaos, but it is exactly that chaos.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: The dread of how it will work is very real.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: But before we jump in on how to support your children as the rush of August looms, I just want to remind you that your children are in the middle of a transition as well.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: If you're stressed, imagine how your kids are feeling right now.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Amplify this by a thousand percent and it might be close.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: The most important factor is how well your children adjust to this transition.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Even though this might be their fifth year doing it, it still proves to be a dreaded transition.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Your kids are just now figuring out their summer routine and now they have to change again.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: The challenges kids face are huge, regardless of their parents' relationship status.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Some of these challenges are universal and some will be unique to your own specific co-parenting experience.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: So, in order to ease its sum and create less chaos, here are five things you can do to support your children.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: 1.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Estab establish a paperwork headquarters.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Regardless of whether your child spends roughly the same amount of time at each parent's home, it's a good idea to designate one home as the paperwork headquarters.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Decide which home makes the most sense to be the space for school documents like, for instance, one parent might be better at organizing or has a printer, and then determine how the other parent will be kept in the loop about permission slips, assignments and additional paperwork.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: By having one house as paperwork headquarters, you avoid placing the burden of coordination on your child.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Not to give them any slack, but this will help.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: We don't want them to feel as they have to choose between the two of you.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: This strategy also helps you to be proactive in preventing scheduling mix-ups, some missed deadlines and lost assignments.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: At the same time, it's important to keep in mind that both parents are still responsible for discussing or okaying and completing any paperwork that your child brings home.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: Just because one parent's the keeper of the documents doesn't mean it becomes their sole responsibility.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of using Google Docs.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: This way, everyone has eyes to see it and it's available at any moment.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Number two create a place for homework.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: You see, kids benefit from some sort of structure, especially when it comes to schoolwork, which is why it's important to have a designated homework area in each home.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: By creating set locations that are solely for homework purposes, you help your child form associations between the focused mindset they need to complete assignments and sitting down at their homework station.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: When occupying this space, they are primed to concentrate on the task at hand and set aside distractions such as technology, pets or even toys aside distractions such as technology, pets or even toys.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Having these designated workspaces at each home also means that you and your ex are establishing the same set of homework expectations, which then reinforces the consistency which we want and mutual support that kids need to achieve their academic goals.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Try finding a spot where your kids can complete their assignments with relatively few distractions while accessing the tools that they need to succeed.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: Work together with your child to pick a place that is comfortable but also requires them to be upright and attentive.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Avoid crowded or noisy places like the kitchen table or the TV room.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: However, if your child has ADD or ADHD, then sometimes some noise helps them focus.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: So that may be okay.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: Make sure it fits for your family, but make sure that you have the staples of tools handy for your children so they are not distracted and are looking for them Easy enough.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Number three double up on the basics, sometimes between textbooks, sports equipment, lunches, musical instruments, laptops and all the other assorted items.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Your kids already carry heavy loads when they travel to and from school.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: If you keep a set of basics at each home, like extra clothes, sleepwear, their toothbrush, medication, and then maybe even some personal items like books or their favorite game for their Xbox, or if they're young and they have a stuffed animal, but have them at each home to limit the number of possessions that go back and forth, this will save a lot of excess energy for all.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: And remember they are children or teenagers and most of them forget things.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: It will happen.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: However, you can ease that transition from one home to another by implementing these guidelines of having the basics at each home.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Number four be consistent, but be prepared for changes.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: If both you and your co-parent have similar before and after school routines, it means your kids only have one map to follow for how to operate on a day-to-day basis and then freeze them from trying to remember and then do two sets of expectations and rules.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: There will be some differences based on your work schedules and such.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: I gave my kids one hour of time before starting homework.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Sometimes that meant they didn't start until after dinner because of after-school practices or games.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: But consistency and routines within each household, consistency and routines within each household can help children feel settled and secure.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Kids are required to respect different boundaries in different settings every day, and those same skills will transfer to your new household arrangements.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: It is important to note.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Your children will test the differences at both homes.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I do this way at dad's and I do this way at mom's is trying to pit your rules against your co-parents rules.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Be supportive and recognize the tactic being used.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: It can be different and that's okay, but the key here is communication.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Can you guess what number five is you got it.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Number five communication is the key to cooperation.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Getting through the school year will infinitely be easier for you, your children and your co-parent if you maintain respectful, regular lines of communication between households and the school.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: While this means coordinating with your co-parent about due dates, events and other school-related obligations, it also includes sharing positive comments and working together to support your child if they are struggling.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: It's easier to navigate the logistics of when you have a united front.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: School is not for the parents and the transition they have created.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: School is not for the parents and the transition they have created.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: It's about your children and making sure that you work on behalf of the children, regardless if you're angry or frustrated with your ex.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Your best communication skills will set the tone for working together for your children.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Similarly, checking in about challenges your child is facing at school is more likely to have a productive outcome if the communication reflects mutual concern, in addition to formulating some action steps.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: This is not the time for the blame game.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Leave that at the door.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: In an ideal world, each parent would have the same information at the same time.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: We know this isn't going to happen.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: This raising of your children is a team sport.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Neither one of you gets to sit on the bench and watch it all unfold, regardless of the amount of time you're in the game.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Everyone on the team gets to hoist the trophy.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: The trophies are your well-adjusted, emotionally healthy and stable children.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Adjusted, emotionally healthy and stable children.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: This, my friends, is the National Championship Trophy.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Please remember that the overall health of your children is dependent on your ability to make communication a priority.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: These other four will make the house-to-house transition easier, as well as the house-to-school transition.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Remaining consistent is the second biggest thing you can do for your children.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Knowing and expecting changes to practice schedules and an unexpected change to custody schedule or a last minute runs to the grocery store for project supplies due tomorrow will happen.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Expecting it will make the ask a little more bearable.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: That's it for this week.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Join me next week as I discuss creating a game plan.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Thank you.