Latest / Jess Ask / Who Are You Without Survival Mode? | FT Rebecca Boles | EP176

Transcript

Who Are You Without Survival Mode? | FT Rebecca Boles | EP176 · Jess Ask

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl Jessica S. Smith, and you already
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: know that you've.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Entered the safe space for influencers to decompress, have fun,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: and just ask. If you already know what it is,
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: then you know it's about to get real. So be
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: sure to show your girls some love and like, comment.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: And subscribe. I know we could be another way.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: It's a new week at Just Ask the Podcast, the
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: safe space where transparency meets transformation. It's your girl, Jessica S. Smith,
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: and I do nothing without my girl, Desiree. Hey.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Desiree.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Hey. Desiree, Desiree, Desiree, Desiree, Desiree.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: You throwing balls? Throw them balls. We got balls, got balls,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: got balls. What's up, everybody? Hey, Jessica. Hey, Desiree. How
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: are you doing? You know, I'm blessed and highly favored
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: of the Lord. No, for real. I'm amazing.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: When you just understand the goodness of the Lord, God's
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: grace and his mercy.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: He don't got to, because we don't deserve none of this.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Not none of it.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: But just the way he just love on us so lovingly,
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: just so lovingly, I'm just grateful.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: So I'm just grateful. How are you, sister? I'm good.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: I am good right now. Like in this very moment,
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: I am good. I believe that the Lord has been
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: very intentional with me in the past few weeks. And
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: you know how they talk, the people tell you that
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: the love of God never fails. And sometimes we don't
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: experience that. The love of God, because we limit the
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: love of God being what we want it to be
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: versus what we need it to be. Yes.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: And so that's where I'm at.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: I'm in where the love of God needs me or
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: what I need from the love of God, not what
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: I want. Because what I want is very cookie cutter.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: What I want is easy.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: What I want is, you know, to make it plain
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: to be in control.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: But yeah, this.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Today, I'm excited to have this guest, Desiree. I think
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: she is special. She pulled up to the podcast summit
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: with us. She had me on her podcast. And not
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: only did she.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Have me on her podcast. Guess what, Desiree? She had
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: me as the 50th episode.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: I know. This girl DM'd me and I was like, oh,
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: I didn't know I was worthy of the middle child podcast.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: I didn't know that I could be on that.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Type of level.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Because the girl out here doing it, she out here
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: doing it big. I've really grown to know her. She's
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: very excellent in her walk. She's very strategic in her walk.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: But she's also very transparent. In her walk.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: And you don't meet a lot of people that are
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: willing to allow you to see them and be okay. Right? Also,
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: one thing I like about her and I'll share is
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: that she doesn't play with people's time. Well, there's one thing, Desiree,
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: there's a thing that I do not like when people
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: be playing with folks' time. And this lady, she say,
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: when I ask for her, when I seek, I'm going
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: to find it and I'm going to do something.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: With it, okay?
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: I'm really proud of her. Like I said, she's the
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: host of, I almost said the host of Just Ask,
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: but host of Miss Child Podcast. She is the hostess
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: with the mostest. She is out here doing big things
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: in Birmingham. And so I present to some and introduce
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: to others my girl, Royal.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Bone I love it.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: I know you've been on all the folks' platforms, but yeah, yeah. Welcome.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: People know who I'm talking about.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Welcome.
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because you definitely the host of Just Ask.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. I'm just saying.
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: It's an honor to be here. I'm not even going
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: to lie. I remember, and I told you this before,
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: but I remember when you first got started with when
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: it was picking up motion, you made a post about
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: who should you ask on next.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: And I was like, me?
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: Knew I didn't have any substance. It was just kind
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: of one of them things where I just wanted to
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: be a part. And to actually be here now is
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: so mind-blowing. Like, I can't even... put into words what
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: being here right now means and not just even on
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: your platform like just being a part of who you
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: are as a person to your core um I really
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: started following you when I think it was on your
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: 30th birthday when you gave back to the community.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah okay I was.
• 4:55
  Speaker 5: Just like oh my gosh she is like really.
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: Doing but to actually be sitting here right now and
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: have your friendship is an honor for me so thank you.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: No, thank you. So what's interesting about that, Roy, and
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I know I told you this before. Like, I was
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: so serious. I didn't know I was going to be
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: on the big, the middle child podcast.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: I didn't know. And then she asked me to be
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: on the 50th episode. As a podcaster, I know what
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: that means. Like, that's why I had, you know... Every
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: 50th episode, I do something big. So the first 50th episode, well,
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: the first 50, we did a change in how we
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: changed our song, our entry song, and we changed the
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: look of the intro, right?
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Then we had Miss Tep for 100. So I'm looking forward. Wait,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: we just did something. Oh, we did the logo. We
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: did a logo change for 150.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: So I'm looking forward to 200, which is coming in
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: a few episodes.
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: But I think that keeps it fresh and all that
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: stuff like that. So for you to ask me about
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: the 50th was dope. But also, Ann Royal, I believe
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: when I was looking at you, I saw you and
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: I was like, okay, she has Shatara on here.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: She has all these people.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, I guess I'm not seen. I just
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: didn't think I was visible to you. So for you
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: to even, that's new news to me that you've been
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: following me since the whole 30th. Yes. My 30th birthday
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: is wild because I didn't think I got any traction
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: with it.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: It was major. It was major.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: It was a kickstart for me because to see someone
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: that looks like me or that is in the light
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: of where I would want to be at one point,
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: it was major for me. It actually made me be like, girl,
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: get on your stuff because you playing.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: This is a shocker to me, bruh. This is a
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: shocker to me. Okay, so on your platform, when we
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: were talking, We were talking about your disobedience in starting
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: your podcast, right? So I want to kind of like
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: talk about your journey as a podcaster, what it has done,
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: what it has taught you, and where do you see
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: yourself going with it, right? Because I really feel like
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: people struggle... with where they are to produce what the
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: Lord wants. And so the other day you wrote, oh,
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: you already know what I'm going to say. Tell them
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: what you wrote, Roya.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. You saw it on Facebook. Yes.
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: Where podcasting saved my life, literally.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: What does that mean to you? It has.
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: It has forced me to be transparent. I was one
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: of those people that I was open. Like how you said,
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: like you respect the transparency. I was open, but I
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: wasn't open to the point of really being transparent and
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: allowing people.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: To see me.
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: But so the middle child podcast has basically started off
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: with just being seen. It's like for people who have
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: never been seen, this is a place to be seen.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Because that's like the stereotypical middle child.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: But- It has molded into what happens in the middle.
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: Because a lot of people talk about, oh, I was heartbroken,
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: now I'm married. But what did you feel in the middle?
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: How long were you heartbroken? What did you do? Did
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: you go back a few times? What happened?
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: And so the fact that it has went from... I've
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: accomplished the goal of being seen.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: All right, girl, now you're seen. So let's get over that.
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: What's happening now? Okay, now we're in the middle. Let's
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: talk to people about what's going on in the middle.
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: So it has forced me to grow. It has forced
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: me to be even more transparent.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: Episode 56, cried the whole episode.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: No, I seen you put your braid down because you
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: don't even finna be mad at me with this.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Look, yo, you good now. That's what happened. Listen.
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: I don't think, I think that's the biggest lesson that
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: I started learning. Uh-huh. And podcasting was, I couldn't do
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: this without being transparent.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Because there's no way.
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: To talk to people every week and not show your hand.
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: Because you're just going to tell the same story, and
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: that's going to get boring.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: It's like you owe it to your audience to be transparent.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Because what?
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: So what does an open but not transparent world look like?
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: Open but not transparent?
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be broad. I'm basic.
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: You're going to get the testimony, but without the authentic side.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: What does that mean?
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: So if I'm not being like super transparent in detail,
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: I'm going to tell you, oh, I recovered from.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: A broken heart. Yeah, I went to the gym. I
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: worked out.
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: I started going to church more, but that's it. However,
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: the transparent side is, no, I went to the gym
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: because I didn't want to waste any money. And that
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: forced me to build a solid foundation. Which forced me,
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: you know, to talk to God at 4 o'clock in
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: the morning. So then now I'm a 5 a.m. gym
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: girlie because I have to have not just discipline, but
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: I have to have like a solid foundation.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: And even just being.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: The reason why I got black braids is because when
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: you look at the first few episodes, I had black braids.
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: And so I was just like, I want to go
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: back to my roots. Like, I really want to go
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: back to when I first got started podcasting because podcasting
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: was an instruction.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: Granted, it was something that I wanted to do, but
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: not by myself. And so after sitting down talking to God,
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: he was just like, go back to the beginning. and
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: I wanted to fully embrace what the beginning felt like
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: and I think that's what caused me to now really
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: walk in transparency and realize like no podcasting like really
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: saved your life girl like it saved.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: You so where did you lose yourself um I'm not
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: going to use the word lose.
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: I'm going to say forgot who I was.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: I lost that once I started podcasting and it just
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: became Repetition. So it was just kind of like, okay,
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: we're podcasting just a podcast. And then what I had
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: to realize was once people started acknowledging me, I had
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: to realize was that acknowledgement for validation or was that
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: acknowledgement for accomplishments? So once I realized that, okay, my
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: acknowledgement is to validate the little girl that didn't feel seen,
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: that's when I feel like I started losing.
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: Or forgetting exactly who I was. If we go back
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: further than that, even before the podcast, I believe I
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: lost myself at a very young age, probably around 14.
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: That was my very first heartbreak. So I've been dealing
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: with heartbreak for 20 years. I feel like I've never...
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: From a man.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: From a male figure because there were no men.
• 11:16
  Speaker 5: Around at all.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: No 14.
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: And all, right.
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: So I feel like I have been caught in that cycle.
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: And once I acknowledge that that's what it was, I
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: feel like it has catapulted the healing journey.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: And what I'm going to do is share with you this.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: I was listening to your, was it episode 56 where
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: the diary came? When the diary came out, Royal, when
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: that book came out, I'm going to tell you why
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: you got so many views.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: The way you, the teaser was set up. You know
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: what I mean? That book, let's talk podcast. That teaser
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: with that diary. I was like, oh, wow. Oh, we
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: finna get some tea. And I went so back and
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: forth with that. I went so back and forth. Baby,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: you set me up to like, I want to know.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: I ain't trying to be.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: Nothing, but I had to get a little text message too,
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: so I was praying. So I was like, let me
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: see what was going on. But it was the setup.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: Podcast world was beautiful. Okay. Emotionally, I connected with you
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: because my kryptonite is a man.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Your man. It's going to be your man. Every time.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Every time.
• 12:23
  Speaker 6: It's going to.
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: Be your man.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Every time.
• 12:28
  Speaker 6: That is crazy.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Is that a churchy?
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: Jesus.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: It's going to be a man every time. I ain't
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: got no advice for.
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: You.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Listen, you got to know your lane. I have not
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: mastered the lane of Self-control. Oh, my goodness. With my heart.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: It's not even about, for me, it's not about the physical.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: It's about, I can hold it down. You know what
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I'm saying? I can hold it, just not be with
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: everybody because I'm not outside like that. But I want love. Yes.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: So, taking me back to 14-year-old Roya, what do you
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: know about her now that you did not understand about
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: her then?
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: She was seeking validation. She just needed to be seen.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: And so, all right.
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: So 14 year old Royal was, she started online dating.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: So that was like... Hold up, Royal! That was like,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I needed the attention. How did you online date and
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: you 14? How did you online date? Because, you know,
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: you in.
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: The internet had just came out, you know, a few
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: years prior. And so, I don't even know who introduced
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: me to it, but it was Black Planet. Oh, shout
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: out Black Planet.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: It went 14. Black Planet. Hold up, I'm a little...
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: I'm a little... I'm a square a little bit. I'm
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: a little square. How.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: Black Planet, that was not for the grown people? I mean,
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: it probably should have been. but it was like and there's.
• 13:55
  Speaker 6: No judgment i'm just surprised there's no information to me
• 13:59
  Speaker 6: and i don't even know because when the internet started
• 14:02
  Speaker 6: coming out i was i don't even know what age
• 14:03
  Speaker 6: it was but i was like learning about like chat
• 14:05
  Speaker 6: groups so you know you get in chat.
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: Groups talking to complete strangers eventually it took me to
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: black planet and that's when i met uh my first
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: ever boyfriend okay uh of course i lied that's when
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: i realized i was creative When I realized I was creative.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Because let me tell you. Let me tell you what happened. Okay, girl.
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: So, it all worked out for my good. So, my
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: parents had a surround sound downstairs.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: For my future husband.
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: Please don't think I'm crazy. But my parents had a
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: surround sound downstairs. I'm 14. He was 16.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: So, I would go downstairs on my cell phone. Because
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: I had a cell phone. I had a Sprint Nokia,
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: I think. So I would go downstairs on my cell phone.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: I would turn the surround sound up and I would
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: pretend like I was driving and had road rage. So
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: he thought I was 16 because I also lied about
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: my age. So that's when I knew I was like creative.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: That is the most creative. Desiree. Who thinks of that?
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: That was me at 14. Ninth grade, 14. What year
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: was this, bro? I don't know. How old were you?
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I'm 24. So it was like 20 years ago.
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we the same age. Yeah. God, dog.
• 15:15
  Speaker 5: Yes, I was creative.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: That's so funny. That was my first ever boyfriend. Okay, so,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: all right. So it was your first ever boyfriend.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: Uh-huh.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Do you, have you ever had a boyfriend that you
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: haven't met online? No. Okay, so you like long distance relationships?
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: Love them.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: Me and the royal? Me and the royal? For real?
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: For real?
• 15:38
  Speaker 6: Now that I think about it, no, I feel like
• 15:39
  Speaker 6: I've always met somebody online.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: That's not a guy for me. I don't believe that
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: for my life. If the man come through online, I
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: don't think he's the Lord. Really?
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: I've met crazy online. But what if your husband is
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: in a different state?
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: I don't think he going to have to find me
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: while I'm traveling or he going to have to travel
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: to me.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: I don't think my man is online.
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: I would date somebody online before I date somebody in
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: the state.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Immediately.
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I don't have a problem. I think I'm just.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: I have not had an experience to where.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: And let me tell you, you don't count, woman of God.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: What do you mean? Your situation is a little bit different, Desiree.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: What do you mean?
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: She got a man, and they long distance.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: And they met online, but they kind of... There was
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: a familiar territory. Now, if I got familiar territory... Then
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: it could help.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: It might. I might be a little open. But I tried...
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: I wasn't familiar with nothing. Yeah, because I heard your story.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: Episode 56. Episode 56.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: So, you online date.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: Uh-huh.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: And he wasn't even.
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: I didn't even meet him, like... It wasn't online dating purposely.
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: I was just on Instagram, and he slid into the DMs.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: Which one we talking about?
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: 56.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Episode 56.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: 56. Let's not talk about 56 yet. We talking about 14. Yeah.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: I just saw the pattern, because I was going to
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: ask you, did you just like long-distance relationship?
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: It's online.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: It's just online. Okay, but online normally means... Long distance.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: So how has that.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Worked out for you? Not necessarily, though.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: Like some of the guys that I've dated in my adult,
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: I mean, like since I've been in Birmingham, have been
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: in Birmingham.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Y'all can tell I don't date for real. They've been
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: in Birmingham. I just met them through the internet, right?
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: It's like going to the grocery store and you meet
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: somebody in the grocery store.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: No, that's not the same thing as a grocery store.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: That's not the same thing as a grocery store.
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: But the other thing is, I'm just gung-ho on believing
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: that my husband is not here. So I've just had
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: to program that my husband is in a different state.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: You know, I can get with you on that. Whatever
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: the Lord has for you.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: And why should he be in the state? You know
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying? But you might find him in the
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: state online. You know what I'm saying? You never know. See,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: but the 14-year-old, he lives here. He lives in... Well,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: the 16-year-old. I was 14. He lived in Birmingham. Okay.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: So fast forward to like, okay, so you navigate through
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: online dating or whatever. And I think, would you say
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: it gave you an ease of access for your comfort
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: to like feed into the idea of assisting with your
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: rejection and abandonment?
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't say that. It gave me the adrenaline that
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: I wanted because it's risk-taking.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about it.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: It's risk-taking because even now, well, not now, but previously,
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: a lot of my long-distance relationships, our first date has
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: been me flying to them. Like, we talk, and I
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: fly out there. So the risk of not knowing what
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: I'm about to face, I think, has been what has helped.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: Because I've always had, again, to entertain myself. So I'm
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: creative with driving a car at 16. So it was
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: me just facing the risk.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: So you, okay, you say risk.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: So do you like a relationship with a little, it
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: has to have spontaneity in the beginning of the.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Because I get bored quick. And I mean quick. I
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: get bored quick. Yes. Like, I just need that. We're
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: learning a lot about Roy, okay? But I like that.
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: I don't know if you ever seen it, like, on
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: Facebook where they just be like, your husband walks in
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: the house and there's a note and y'all paying, like,
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: Nerf guns and whoever shoot whoever first.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Got to cook. Like, I like that. Like, I need something.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: But can you have that offline?
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah okay i just want to make sure yeah i'm
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: trying to see if you open to like if i
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: was like hey my girl royal yeah i'm saying i
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: don't need to be like hey can you dm her
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: can you dm her so she can talk to you
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: or whatever like i'm just trying to see you know
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: as a friend thank you okay thank you but then
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: the other part.
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: Is it has i wasn't okay not i wasn't i
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: didn't need to be transparent when i'm online dating so
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: it's just.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Kind of like we both about to be shocked.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: In person, I got to be transparent. Like when we
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: sit in front of each other, you can read my
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: body language.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: You can see my eyes. You can see all of that.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: So I got to be super transparent.
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: And so with me not wanting to open that up so,
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: you know, quickly, online dating was just the best option.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: So online dating led you to episode 56?
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. That was a story.
• 20:14
  Speaker 5: It was.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: That was a story. I'm going to tell you why
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: I got a little frustrated, though. Okay. I got a
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: little frustrated with the story. Not with you, but with
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: the story. Okay. Because I don't really play about God
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: like that. And for you to sit there and say...
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: If you're the representation that I need to get closer
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: to God, I'm going to heal. That's a strong statement, Royal.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, so let me break it down exactly.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: What I meant.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, so.
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: What I was trying to get him to understand is,
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: let's say, of course, no one like us. But let's
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: say you just had, you met a woman on the
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: street that wasn't saved, didn't know anything about God, this, that,
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: and the other. And she just assumed, hey, me dating
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: a pastor is going to help me get closer to God.
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: I was trying to explain to him that if that
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: was her thought process, you literally just threw her back
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: out into the world. Like, you literally just sent her
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: from where she was trying to recover from.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: And so.
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: I was trying to speak in his language because I
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: was hoping that, okay, you're designed to help assist people in,
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: you know, being closer to Jesus, save lives for lack
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: of better words. However, you just threw her back in
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: the fire because you didn't display how Christ loves the church.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: So that's how I was trying to explain it. Okay.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Didn't come out that way. It didn't come out that way.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I said, well, my God. I was like, I had
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: to question myself. You know what I'm saying? Like, okay.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: I had started stuttering and everything. I'm listening to it.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: But not in an offensive way, but just because, you know,
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: y'all go watch the episode. We're not going to talk
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: about the whole episode on this one. But just the
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: idea of that you communicated with this man. This man
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: said that he was a leader in a church and
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: he didn't say he was a pastor, which that probably
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: would have been a red flag to me. I'm like, what?
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: They can't come into agreement with it yet. You know
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying? Do they not call you back? Do
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: they call you? Yes. I'm a little confused. But I think.
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: What would you say was your biggest takeaway from this
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: last situation? Because we've been doing this 20 years. Let's
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: talk about that. I've been in this cycle for 20
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: years of seeking validation online. Well, the tool has been online, right?
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: I fly myself or get flewed out, whichever one, that's
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: your business.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I fly myself out, get food out, I meet
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: these people, and then it's a temporary satisfaction, right? What
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: has been your biggest takeaway from this 20-year cycle?
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: To step away and date myself. What does that look like?
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: Doing everything that I possibly required of them to do
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: for myself.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: And ADLs.
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: The attention needed. So I sit in uncomfortable silence. I
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: force myself to sit in uncomfortable silence. I force myself
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: to feel because at a young age, I didn't want
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: to feel. So 14 was also around the time when
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: I attempted suicide. So since that point, I've developed this
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: hard shield. So I don't feel anything, which is why
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: the transparency part is so interesting now because it's just.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: Kind of like.
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: 20 years ago, I wasn't trying to feel nothing. And
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: so learning Royal all over again from a healthy place
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: and not doing it in spite of what another person
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: might feel or think about me, which is super uncomfortable.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: It is so uncomfortable.
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: Sitting in silence is, for me, hard, which is interesting
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: because I always want to voice how I feel. And
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: so just dating.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: royal.
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: In trying to figure out what it is that she
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: likes my therapist I got a new therapist oh my
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: god bless her heart but our very first session at
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: the end of the session I didn't pour my heart
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: out for an hour told her everything everybody else did
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: wrong how I felt and before I left out that
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: door she said let me tell you something you don't
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: know who you are and when I say that broke
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: me Because I'm going around like, no, I do know
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: who I am.
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: I'm a podcaster.
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: I got both of my parents in my life. You know,
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: I graduated from the University of Alabama. But for her
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: to say that, it pierced me in a way that was.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Challenging.
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: And me being intentional about my healing journey, I've had
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: to sit with Royal. Or if I'm really being transparent,
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: I have to sit with Rebecca in order for her
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: to even carry out who Royal is.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm glad you brought that up because we
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: just had a prophetic experience before we started recording, and
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: that was something that was brought up.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: And I was going to ask you about.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: That because for all this time, I've known you as Royal.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Your name in my phone is Royal. It will be
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: changed today. But I've known you as Royal, but then
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: you just said... I'm dating royal.
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Is that the problem?
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: It could be. Jesus.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: You know what's interesting?
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: Uh-huh.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: Now, I'm sitting here listening to specifically what happened today.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: The prophetic moment, I think, kind of uncovered. It was
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: just interesting that we're talking about this. But when you
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: walked in, I remember just looking at you and being like,
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: I was like, not that you didn't look beautiful before,
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: but I was just like, something's different about her, right?
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: And then when you mentioned your hair- Right? Yeah.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: Like, your braids are black. I've always.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: Well, since I've known you, since we've been doing relationships,
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: your hair's been blonde. And I remember you mentioning to
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: somebody about, oh, I think I'm going to keep this
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: blonde hair because, you know, I think it's just the look.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: It's just the thing.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: And so to see you sitting here now talking about...
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: Because this is a part of the process and the journey, right?
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: The part that... Of our journeys that we don't necessarily
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: like because.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: We have to now deal with us. Like, the Lord
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: is literally dealing with you about who he called you
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: to be. You know what I'm saying?
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: So.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: It's, we journey through life.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: We have experiences, good or bad. We put labels on ourselves.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: We put names on ourselves and all these things. But
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: I just think it's, I said all that to say,
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: as she's asking you this question, I think it's so
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: beautiful sitting here watching you literally getting to know who
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: the Lord.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Called you to be.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: So when she said, you said you were dating Royal, right?
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: But I really think... You're supposed to be dating Rebecca. Yeah.
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: That's good.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Let me ask you this, because this Rebecca versus
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: Royal thing, how did Royal come about?
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: After a broken heart.
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: I wrote my first book. So my first book is
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: called Under Construction. And that is written by Rebecca Bowes.
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: The second book, when I wanted to rebrand it, well,
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: I was told to rebrand it in order to build
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: like a solid foundation.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: I was at a, I was a waitress.
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: At a nightclub. And one of my friends' mom was there.
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: And so what happened, so on Facebook, that was around
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: the time when I wanted to change my name. I
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: wanted to change my name to Royalty.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Don't know why. Just want to change my name to Royalty.
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: Facebook wouldn't accept Royalty unless I had, you know, documents
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: showing that was my real name.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: So it took Royal.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: And so my friend's mom, when she saw me at
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: the nightclub, she was just kind of like, hey, I
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: like the name Royal for you.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you know what? Cool. That's going
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: to be my new name now. And I... It's funny.
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: I convinced myself to think about it from how Abram
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: went to Abraham or the vice versa. So I convinced
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: myself to look at it from those eyes. It wasn't
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: until recently when my therapist said, well, Naomi changed her
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: name because, you know, she was mourning.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: She said that twice and I fought it both times.
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: Cause I was like, no, it's Abraham, Sarah to Sarah. No,
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: I'm not taking it.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: That was a God change. Right.
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: But I had convinced myself to think that's what it was.
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: And it's not until recently, which is why the prophetic
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: word was just so heavy because I'm just like, I
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: don't want to go back to Rebecca, but I don't
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: want to go back to Rebecca. If that's what he
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: has for me, then I.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Have no choice but to obey.
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: But to answer your question, Royal definitely came from a
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: broken place. Wrote my book under construction, the evolution came
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: out with Royal. And so I just wrote Royal out,
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: came out with the podcast.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, we're going to go by Royal.
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: And so even going as far as trying to distinguish
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: between the two, people say Rebecca, then they know me.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: People say Royal, then they really don't know me and
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: we're good.
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: But the more I actually sit in what has been
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: spoken to me twice and It's kind of hard to
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: shake and it's uncomfortable to accept. It's super uncomfortable to
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: accept because I built this name. I built this brand.
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: I built this idea. And the fact that I have
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: to backtrack, I wouldn't be upset about it because I
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: am in a season of transparency and I talk about
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: what happens in the middle. But the fleshly uncomfortability is
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: what's hitting me right now.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: Okay, I can get that because you built it. I
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: just want to repeat to you what you said. I
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: built this name. I built this image. I had another
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: person confirm and tell me I liked it.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Are they in your life anymore?
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: No.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay. So I did all of these things, right?
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: But where was God's confirmation or affirmation in there, right?
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: I'll just say this, and this is something so small, right?
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to say my middle name.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you afterwards. And let me tell you something.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: I like you a lot.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: If I tell you my middle name, it's not repeated.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Okay? Because I'll tell you why, too.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: My Meemaw used to call me by my middle name,
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: and my auntie and them on that side still.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: So that's... You know me.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: If you calling me by my middle name.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 30:18
  Speaker 6: So.
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: At one point when I was in music, I was
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: singing and all that stuff like that. I thought I
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: had to change my mind.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Holy Spirit, I hear you.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: I thought I had to change my name, right? And
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: so I was going by my middle name. But I
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: was also in a lane that God never called me to.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: I had the gift. I can sing.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: I can hold a note or whatever. But that was
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: not what the Lord wanted to use my voice for.
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: You get what I'm saying? And so now that I
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: am just as the podcast, the Lord told me, I forgot,
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: as he was transitioning me into being a podcaster, the
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: first thing I had to do, one of the first
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: things I had to do... When I didn't know what
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: I was doing with the podcast, this was years before
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: the podcast, I had.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: To change my Instagram name. And my Instagram name was
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: always just underscore driven, right? Because I didn't have... I
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: wasn't smart.
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: It's like.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: When I say that, y'all, y'all just calm down. I
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: felt the heat. I felt the heat, okay?
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: Naturally, my brothers and sisters are just so smart, like
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: book smart or whatever, the traditional types of intelligence, right?
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: But they couldn't out-drive me. I'm a driven dog.
• 31:28
  Speaker 5: I almost.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: I have to remember where I am. But I am driven.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying? So, you know, play on
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: words like just ask. I've been doing stuff like that.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: I was just underscore driven. And it was so funny
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: because there were several people that knew me.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Would call me like, hey, just driven. You know what
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: I'm saying? I'm like, hey, whatever. That didn't make any sense.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: But okay, that was just my Instagram handle.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: Fast forward, the first thing the Lord had me to
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: do was make my page public.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Thank you, because you know the story. I made my
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: page public.
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: Then he had me change my name not too long
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: after that to the Jessica S.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Smith. I said, well, why? And I got that from
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: going to the University of Alabama.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Because the the is very distinctive, right?
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And so you know the culture. You don't say, oh, yeah,
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: you went to U.A. No, I went to the.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Like, you better put that T-H-E in front of it.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: Even the locals say the U.A. Yeah. They say you're
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: going to always get the the.
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: So watch this. I'm like, okay, babe. Okay, babe. I
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: changed my name and I didn't understand.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Why, but the Lord couldn't present me with the promises
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: until my name changed. And it wasn't like people didn't
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: know I was Jessica. But publicly, I was just driven. Oh,
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: I felt my help right there.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Publicly, I was just driven. But who is that? The
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Lord is looking at it like, who is royal? Did
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: I give you that? Who is royal? You're asking me
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: for a blessing under a wrong name. Oh, my goodness.
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: I cannot deliver this package because this package got Rebecca
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: on it.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness, Jessica. Can't bless me.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: I'm just.
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: It ain't that.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: I didn't call you that. If your name was royal,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: I could send the package. I could send the blessing. Yeah.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: But your name is Rebecca.
• 33:33
  Speaker 5: That is beautiful.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: So now you don't even address yourself, so now I
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: can't send your husband.
• 33:38
  Speaker 5: Oh, my goodness.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: Your husband knows you by Rebecca.
• 33:43
  Speaker 5: My God, today.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Who he's seen in the spirit.
• 33:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: He ain't seen this. He don't even know what this...
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you.
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: So I was talking to my mom about.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: What my name means, which is so funny. She said.
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: Because I tried Googling my name, what it means. But Rebecca,
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: R-E-B-E-K-A-H means to bind. But my mom said my name, R-E-B-E-C-C-A,
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: means persistent and steadfast. And I was... I sat with
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: it for a minute because I'm just like, I saw
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: it from a negative standpoint.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: Cause I was like, okay, steadfast.
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: And I'm always like accomplishing, you know, not necessarily accomplishing,
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: but I'm always getting over like negative things. Like when
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: stuff happens, I'm just going to push through.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: This, that, and the other.
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: But I was laying in my bed one day fighting
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: with the idea of Royal and Rebecca. And I was
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: just kind of like, I really just want to go
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: back to that. Cause that's who I am. I'm steadfast.
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: I am persistent. And I want to go back to that.
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: I just honestly don't know how. Because the awards that
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: I've gotten recently, they're under Royal. And so how do
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: you transition back into Rebecca in a healthy way? Because
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: at the end of the day, I still kind of battle,
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: not necessarily rejection, but validation or having to over-explain myself,
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: although I know I.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: Don't have to.
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: But I still battle, I'm still treading in that territory
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: on how to.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about it.
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Let's just have a moment. All right.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: Okay, this is a sister-sister moment, all right?
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm proud of you for saying that, right?
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: But then even when you was just talking, you said,
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: my award is in the name Royal, right? It's almost
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: like I saw that was the feeding of Royal.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Royal is prideful. Mm-hmm.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: Royal is full of herself. Royal doesn't need God. Royal
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: can say a lot about being God's middle child and being,
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: but Royal does not accept God as her Lord and Savior.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: It was Rebecca. You get what I'm saying?
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah. You're proud from a place not of Rebecca.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: I think the freedom in embracing who you are is like, okay,
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: now I have to discover. I've leaned into knowing Royal
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: so much that I do have to understand who Rebecca
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: is because there's a reason why I left Rebecca where
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: she was. She's still back there.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yes. She's still back there and she's been waiting
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: on you.
• 36:29
  Speaker 5: That's strong. That is strong.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: She said, you left me for royal. You cheated on
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: me with royal.
• 36:35
  Speaker 5: Jesus. That is strong.
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: That is heavy. And I'm sitting here trying to heal
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: royal when she was never broken.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Royal should have never been a factor. Royal was a runner. Yeah.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: Royal is the saying, you know what, Rebecca? And then,
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: you know what?
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: It could also be that royal was trying to protect Rebecca, right?
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: And you was like, you know, if I put this
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: persona on, maybe Rebecca won't be hurt. But Rebecca is
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: screaming to say, hey, I want to be present.
• 37:04
  Speaker 5: Jessica, that's so good. That is so good.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: That's where you hear something? I was just going to say,
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I don't think.
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: There's no shame or condemnation of the journey that you've taken.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: Because literally.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: we know survival mode. So in that moment, like Royal
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: was birthed out of, I need to survive.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: I need to protect. That's good.
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: That's right.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: This heart, you know what I'm saying?
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: So in this process, it's not the, it's not, it's, it's,
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: we talked about earlier. It's literally the love and the
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: grace of God. Like in, like in this season, he's
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: really trying to show you, Hey, I love you.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Uh, I'm not mad.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: I'm not, I'm not, um, condemning you for anything that,
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: that has happened. But in this moment, you're going to
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: have to choose.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: It's a matter of a decision.
• 37:53
  Speaker 5: That's good.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: And know that, yes, the Lord loves us, but also
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: his protection and his provision is in his will.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: It's in alignment with who we called us to be.
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: Like the things that we're asking for, the things that
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: we know that that God has for us is.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: In alignment with his word and who we are.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: And so that's what I was as you were as
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: you were listening to Jessica.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: He just wanted there's no condemnation.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Like in this season, like this is what the
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: season is for. Not like a deconstruction, but it's like a. Um,
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: you're learning one, who the Lord really is to you,
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: but also he's going to really show you as you're
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: asking like, Lord, who, well, who is this?
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: Like, who is Rebecca?
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: He's going to begin to show you her and you're
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: going to be going to show you her heart and
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: what the thing that she's called in this earth to do.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: Like Roy was doing some things, but also, and you
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: have to be okay with what he shows you about
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: what your purpose really is.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: Cause it may not be what you thought it was.
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: That's so good.
• 38:52
  Speaker 5: That is, that is amazing. Oh my goodness.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: You just got to digest it. Yeah. Yeah, and that's okay.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: And guess what? Desiree and I are here for you.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: That's beautiful. Like, you don't have to. And I know
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: you're not doing well.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: I know you got your friends. And I know you
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: call yourself an introvert.
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: I am.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: I am an introvert, too, by the way. Yeah. Thank you.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: We exist. But I've been praying about you. Really?
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: Thank you so much.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: That means a lot. I want you to know. I
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: want you to hear what I just said, though. You've
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: been praying about me?
• 39:23
  Speaker 5: About you.
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: I pray for you, but it's a difference when somebody's
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: praying for you and about you. When I pray about people,
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: I need to know what the assignment is from me
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: or for me.
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: I've been praying about our relationship and what that looks like.
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: And I'm going to tell you here on this podcast
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: is that if you allow me to.
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: I'm willing to walk with you and to find out
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: who Rebecca is too. Because what happens is while Royal leaves,
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: there is the middle.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: And now you're going from Royal back to Rebecca, but
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: there's still the middle. And Royal was able to make
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: Rebecca feel good in moments where Rebecca was lost and
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: abandoned and rejected. So that middle part feels weird, you know?
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: And I think you have to have the right people
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: in the middle. And I believe that if allowed, I can.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: Help you with that as I also navigate. I'm in
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: the middle. I'm in the middle.
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: I'm in the middle of something. And so I just
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: want to tell you, you have an open door. I
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: know you regard, like you respect the relationship, but you
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: got the number for a reason. I don't get my
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: number out like that. But I want to say that,
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: and I'm happy that you came. I know it was
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: supposed to be like recording today and like podcast, but
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: I think what the Lord wanted to do has already
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: been done.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? It's not by happenstance that
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: you came after Kim. You know what I'm saying? Speaking of,
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: y'all know I bet you're recording, so I don't care.
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: It's not by happenstance that you came after Kim. And
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: it's not by happenstance that I listened.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: I was like, Rebelka. You know what I'm saying? That's
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: one thing that stuck out to me. I'm like, Rebelka.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: And so I'm really excited for you.
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: But what I want you to do, because I know
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: we kind of tight with time because we've been talking today.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: This is not your last time.
• 41:25
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Because I don't want you to think I'm cutting you short.
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: Mm-mm.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: But what I feel led for you to do right
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: now in this moment is to look at that camera
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: and talk to Rebecca and tell her what.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: You want for her.
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: So that when we were six months down, we're 12
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: months down, we can come back and look at this
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: and see if we got that for Rebecca.
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: Jesus.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: On the spot?
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: Oh, I feel like this is going.
• 41:51
  Speaker 5: To be hard.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: I feel like it's going to be semi-hard, but we're
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: going to try it. We're not going to try it.
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: We're going to do it. What do I want for Rebecca?
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 42:08
  Speaker 5: Less of me, more of you, none of me, all
• 42:09
  Speaker 5: of you. All right.
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: So what I would like for you, Rebecca, is complete wholeness, mind, body, spirit.
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: I would like for you to walk in your purpose,
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: be who you were called to be, and love you
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: a thousand times more.
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: No, ma'am.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: Really? No, ma'am.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: I'm about to call it out. That was that. How
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: are you going to give me an answer? You're going
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: to give me an answer and say, I asked you,
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: what's the difference between you being open and you being transparent?
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: And you just gave me openness. Not you circling back around. Jesus.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: All right. Let's try again. All right. What do I
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: want for Rebecca? Oh, don't look at the camera. Just
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: close your eyes. All right. Close my eyes. What? I
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: got to get my giggles out. Y'all know I'm playing.
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: This is a defense mechanism.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: I was about to say, you're, you're, you're trying to
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: avoid this. This is a defense mechanism.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: So what do I want for Rebecca?
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: I definitely want complete wholeness, mind, body, and spirit to
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: forgive myself for all the things that I packed on
• 43:19
  Speaker 4: that I took as responsibility and Jesus Christ. For all
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: the broken pieces that I allowed to define me, for
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: the words, for the actions, things done to me, but
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: for also not trusting myself, for not believing in me
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: in the beginning, for seeking validation, creating a persona in
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: order to protect me, and just for not loving me authentically, fully, wholly.
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: and seeing myself the way God has always saw me.
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: Was that open too?
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: You was teeter-tottering. But it was better.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: Desiree, you accept it? Because that first one was... That
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: was so like.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: She was like, what?
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: Rebecca, I just want you to know that the Lord
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: loves you and he is kind and.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: He is good. If you don't get off my podcast
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: like this.
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: And I think it's also because I'm still trying to
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: figure out what I want from.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: Rebecca.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: Or for her. For her.
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: I don't, I haven't, like, I've sat with it, but
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: I haven't sat with it. Because it's just now recent
• 44:32
  Speaker 4: that I'm going through the healing journey. So it's still,
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: although I sit in silence, when I start thinking too hard,
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: I immediately, you know, try to, yes. Because I'm okay
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: with crying now, for sure. But the thought process, because
• 44:47
  Speaker 4: if I'm being honest, and I know we had to
• 44:49
  Speaker 4: cut it short.
• 44:50
  Speaker 5: Mm-hmm.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: I genuinely just don't want to go back to that
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: dark place. Yeah. I don't.
• 44:55
  Speaker 4: And me knowing, like, I tell people all the time,
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: when I was trying to commit suicide, I'm the one
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: that pulled.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: Myself out of it. Outside of God, but I was
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: there by myself.
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: And so that kind of stays in the back of
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: my head of, all right, if we go too far
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: in thought, we don't want to go there. And not
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: like the suicide thought, but we just don't want to
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: see what that dark place looks like.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: So I immediately, you know, check out.
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: So I think that's why I haven't really fully.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, let's see.
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: The same power that resurrected Jesus from the dead is
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: the same power that resides in us, right?
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: And so, yeah, it was God. It was also Holy Spirit, right?
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: And so... The Holy Spirit has already made intercession for you.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: Your daddy pray.
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he does.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: Your daddy pray about things that you would never understand
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: that he pray about, so you're covered, right? You have
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: to have faith enough that that dark place, if I
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: go back there, I'm going for a solution, not the problem.
• 45:45
  Speaker 5: Oh, that's good.
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: That is so good. I'm not even the same person
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: that's showing up back into that place mentally, right?
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: What do I mean by that? 14-year-old, you're in a
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: dark place or whatever. You don't have the tools.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: You got the tools now, baby. You're not the same chick.
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: You're not the same chick. You're more powerful than you're
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: giving yourself credit to, and you ain't got to fake
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: it for nobody.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: Man, you want to tell you what's funny about that?
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: I have the tools, but if we're being honest, I
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: don't even want to say I don't want to use them.
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: I just don't use them. Because like you said, my
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: dad prays. My dad tells me all the time, at
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: least once a week, I'm here when you're ready. I'm
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: here when you're ready. And I'm just like, okay, yeah.
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: But it's been recent where I'm just like, I need
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: to go to my dad. I just need to go
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: and talk to him and be like, Dad, I get it.
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: And we're going to have to ride this out for
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: probably the next three days because I don't know.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: You're just going to have to walk with me through
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: the process.
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: But for him to be intentional once a week to
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: be like, I'm here when you're ready, I know that
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: that's literally like one of my tools that I just
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: won't pick.
• 46:45
  Speaker 5: Up and use.
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: So I'm going to be transparent real quick.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: Desiree, we're going to go. I'm going to be transparent
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: real quick and we're going to end this.
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: Because me and you are going to talk after this.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: This week.
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: Uh-huh.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: So let me back up. I've had.
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: Suicidal thoughts several times in my life. I battled with
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: depression really bad. So the woman of God called that out,
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: you know. And I even this week, I'm just sitting
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: there in my feelings.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: I'm very emotional. I'm very sad. Right. And the thought
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: it wasn't the thought came up of harming myself.
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: Right. In that moment, when I tell you the Holy
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: Spirit makes intercession for you, joy called me.
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: And I didn't tell her what was going on in
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: my mind right there.
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: We talked about some situations where I was sad about,
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: but she called me literally like three seconds after I
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: had the thought. This is how I know I can't
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: go back to a place where I've been delivered from.
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: Because the Holy Spirit makes intercession for me. Somebody's been
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: praying for me and then I didn't reveal it. Until
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: the Lord revealed it.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: To my Coach D, who's my spiritual mother.
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: I'm being transparent with you because people need to know
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: that they can look at me being a church leader,
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: but I deal with that too.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: But because I.
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: Know that the Holy Spirit makes intercession for me, this
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: can't happen.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: Even when I think I'm in my weak point.
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: And so me going back to a place, I'm also
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: being rerouted to understand that it's too much power around me.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Network, network.
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: That's the same network, network. You use your network and network.
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: Your dad in your network, let him pray for you.
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: Let him know what's going on. Because some people can't
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: even talk to their parents. Not just because they are dead,
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: just because they ain't got no sense.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying?
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: And so this is what I hope for the audience.
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: This is what I hope for the audience. Are you
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: royal or are you Rebecca? Jesus. Which one are you
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: showing up as? Because the Lord can only bless, take
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: care of, heal, push... The person that he called you
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: to be in your mother's room. Are you going by
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: a stage name because you're being rebellious?
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: Because you're trying to protect yourself? You know what I'm saying?
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: What is the Lord telling you in the scene? Be you.
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: Be you. All right?
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: I know this one had to be a little short
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: or whatever. If y'all was here today, y'all would understand.
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: Y'all would understand. Desiree got somewhere to go. But anyway, Roy, Rebecca,
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: Roy came today. Rebecca coming back next time. Ain't that right?
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: Roy came today. Rebecca coming next time.
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: Okay. When is the next time? Okay.
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: But y'all answer y'allself there. Are you being you? Are
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: you being the person God called you to be? What
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: did he call you to be? What is your name?
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: Put your name in the chat. If you made it
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: to the end, just put your name. I am Jessica.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: I am Rebecca. I am Desiree. I am fill in
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: the blank. All right?
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: We love you. May God bless and keep you. May
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: his face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: This has been amazing. Thank you, Rebecca.
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: Thank you, Jessica.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: For being here.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: And we love you.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: Until next week, until next time, remember, life.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: be much.
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: More simple if you just ask. See y'all next week.
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode. Since
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: you've made it this far, you might as well connect
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: with us on all social media platforms at the Jessica S.
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: Smith.
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: I know I won't see you back until next week,
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: but until then, remember to love always yourself And always thank.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: God for another day. Another day older. Another day wiser.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: Another day to get it right. Another day to rise up.
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: Another day living.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: Another day with loved ones. I always remember holding down
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: for a bold one.