Latest / INSPIRE STORY / Nights of Mystery and Blues – Complete Season 1

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Nights of Mystery and Blues – Complete Season 1 · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: It was a night like any other in Noir City.
• 0:11
  Neon lights reflecting in puddles of acid rain, cast a
• 0:14
  haunting glow over the labyrinthian streets running between the hulking
• 0:17
  high rises monuments to the late stage capitalist dystopia we
• 0:21
  call home. It's no place for the meek or naive.
• 0:25
  This town was built on the graves of broken spirits
• 0:27
  and shattered dreams. Around here, there's only two types of people,
• 0:31
  takers and losers. As for me, well, I sure as
• 0:36
  shucks ain't a loser. The name's Tective Richard Detective, but
• 0:42
  my friends call me Dick, and my enemies, actually they
• 0:47
  also call me Dick. When I'm not monologuing, I'm usually
• 0:52
  at my main hustle, solving murders with the NCPD Homicide Division.
• 0:56
  Sure might not be the most glorious profession, but pays
• 1:00
  the bills and gives me an excuse to get out
• 1:02
  of bed every afternoon. In this job, you see a
• 1:06
  lot of things that can't be unseen. It's enough to
• 1:09
  numb your soul. You can close your eyes and try
• 1:12
  to forget what horrors mankind is capable of. Murder arson
• 1:17
  pyramid schemes, but the memories. They stay with you no
• 1:23
  matter what you do. Those moments stick to your brain
• 1:26
  like coffee stains and glitter. Seriously, rain, Now, how am
• 1:34
  I supposed to be broody and introspective under these conditions?
• 1:39
  I guess this is what I get for recording this
• 1:41
  whole thing outdoors. Let's just power through, shall we?
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Now?
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Where was I? Ah?
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Yes, coffee stains and glitter. All these years working the
• 1:50
  force in Norrise City is enough to collect a lot
• 1:53
  of mind glitter. But no memory will ever be more unforgettable,
• 1:58
  more unforgiving glittery than the time I almost lost it
• 2:03
  all over a dame, a dame by the name of
• 2:07
  Deedy Dardar. I was just coming off another thirty hour
• 2:14
  shift with Norrise City's finest when I heard the call
• 2:16
  for all available units to report to the address on
• 2:18
  Rich Street. But somehow the news crews had me beat.
• 2:22
  The Papa Razzi were like cats in heat. I knew
• 2:25
  I'd need to be discreet with the deets. Excuse me,
• 2:29
  excuse me, detective?
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: Can I have a work?
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Sure? How's this haliacal relating to or near the sun?
• 2:36
  Oh that's a good one, Thank you.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Detective Gabby Barker of Exposition News. Isn't it true that
• 2:42
  this is the apartment complex of young socialite and movie
• 2:46
  star Barbara Stair, who recently moved here from bel Air
• 2:49
  after her father, Airline maggle Larry Stair, passed away, leaving
• 2:54
  all his shares in Sinclair Air to misstare. His only
• 2:58
  air is miss stay. They are still up there, anything
• 3:01
  you care to share?
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Hey, leave the gratuitous details to my internal monologue, would you?
• 3:06
  I have no further comment, Office, Sir. Get these people
• 3:11
  behind the barricade. If anyone tries to cross it, give
• 3:13
  them a ticket to the upcoming police karaoke fundraiser that
• 3:18
  ought to teach them to stop being curious. Detective Detective NCPD,
• 3:25
  what have we got here? Uh? Hello?
• 3:29
  Speaker 5: Oh snap? Were you talking to me?
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Of course? Who else would I be talking to?
• 3:34
  Speaker 5: Sorry, Sir, As you can clearly see from looking around
• 3:37
  our well furnaced surroundings, we are not alone here. There
• 3:39
  are several other people currently searching for clues in this
• 3:42
  luxury uptown apartment for crime scene texts, including myself taking
• 3:47
  pictures and collecting samples. Three uniformed officers, a tabbykat on
• 3:51
  the piano near the bookshelf full of literary classics first editions,
• 3:54
  mostly all hardcovers. An empty space on the wall in
• 3:57
  the den, indicating a painting has been recently moved, and
• 4:00
  at the base of the stairs, the body of the
• 4:02
  young victim, Miss Barbara stare cut.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: The narrative flourishes and shoots straight with me. What happened here?
• 4:08
  Speaker 5: Well, heck, I think figuring that out is supposed to
• 4:11
  be your job.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Detective Detective Richard, detective homicide.
• 4:16
  Speaker 5: Your name is Richard, Detective. Call me Dick, Well, Dick,
• 4:21
  let me be Frank. We have no idea who's responsible,
• 4:24
  No signs of forced entry. Insurance logs report the missing
• 4:27
  painting as an original Tito mcguffin. Find that and you'll
• 4:31
  find the perpetrator.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Anything else.
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: Two glasses of wine on the coffee table. I think
• 4:36
  miss Stair knew her killer.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Great work, kid bag it and tag it the coffee table.
• 4:42
  You never know what clue might break the camel's back.
• 4:45
  Take it from me, a hard boiled detective with more
• 4:47
  street time than the entire Fast and Furious saga. You
• 4:51
  need a keen eye and lots of patience to find
• 4:53
  the murderer. The secret of the staircase could be hidden
• 4:56
  in the most infinitesimal fiber of the most innocuous minut usha.
• 5:00
  No article is too insipid or property to Jejune to overpass.
• 5:04
  It may take days, eons. Epics expanses. Oh, I found
• 5:09
  something tucked away inside this here at thesaurus.
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: What is it?
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: It's a reference book that offers synonyms for dull words.
• 5:14
  But that's not important right now. I just found my
• 5:17
  first lead. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to
• 5:20
  catch a murderer. I drove as fast as the V
• 5:24
  eight engine under the hood of my nineteen sixty nine
• 5:26
  Dodge Prius could take me, speeding through red lights and crosswalks.
• 5:31
  I was a man on a mission. I'd found the
• 5:33
  calling card of a local dirt bag and stares home.
• 5:36
  Looked like she'd been using it as a bookmark while
• 5:38
  reading her thesaurus. The number on the back was written
• 5:41
  in pen with a personal note saying call me. The
• 5:44
  name printed on the front said Solomon Sakei. Everyone in
• 5:48
  the criminal underworld knew that Sakei was a fencer. We
• 5:52
  had him tagged as a person of interest in countless robberies, forgeries,
• 5:55
  and illegal loitering all over North City, but we could
• 5:58
  never get anything to stick. The guy was slippery as
• 6:01
  a clam. But every criminal genius has a weakness, and
• 6:04
  Soaka's weakness was me. I went to see him at
• 6:11
  his local haunt, the Gentleman's Jousting Club, where the nights
• 6:14
  are long, the dancer skirts are short, and the repartee
• 6:18
  is as sharp as the blades, which is to say
• 6:21
  it's dull, very dull. I'm looking for Saky.
• 6:28
  Speaker 6: Excuse me, war monsieur.
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: She's establishment is from minbelles only, and you do not
• 6:32
  look like a fincail to me, and.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: You don't look like a guy who wants to get
• 6:35
  punched in the face. So tell me which one of
• 6:38
  us is wrong.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: It's okay, Jenkins, he's with me, fally good.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Sir Sacky, my old nemesis, Dick.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: What's this about this time?
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Barbara?
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Stare you mean Babs? What happened? She in trouble?
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: You could say that she's dead?
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: Now?
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: What can you tell me about her?
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: I've never heard of her before in my life life.
• 7:00
  Can I get you a drink?
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I think you're lying, and no, I'm trying to cut
• 7:04
  back on how much alcohol I consume on the job.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Well, this is an establishment with rules. If you're not drinking,
• 7:10
  then you're fencing. So what'll it be? Whiskey at Bay
• 7:14
  Bourbon saber?
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Fine, I'll take the foil. An excellent choice.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: A fan in the classics. You always were the old
• 7:22
  fashioned type.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: On god Barber Staire by all accounts, didn't have a
• 7:26
  care in the world. And now she's dead. Evidence points
• 7:29
  to foul play. Also, there was a painting missing from
• 7:32
  the wall in her den.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: Ah, Yes, the mcguffin. Nice storm, detective.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Thanks, I was top of my fencing class at the
• 7:39
  police academy. How'd you know about the mcguffin?
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: She brought it to me last week, went an offload
• 7:44
  for some quick cash. She may have been wealthy, but
• 7:47
  all of her assets were tied up in stocks and savings.
• 7:49
  She needed liquid finance in a hurry. Excellent perry and
• 7:53
  a fine rapost. I thought you said you didn't know
• 7:56
  the victim. I don't, or at least I never did.
• 8:00
  Speaker 6: Did.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: She was the kind of girl who kept her cards
• 8:02
  closed and her enemies closer. If you know what I mean.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I don't, but I'd be happy to bring you down
• 8:08
  to the station so you can explain.
• 8:09
  Speaker 7: It to me.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Sorry, Dick, this feels a lot like harassment.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: Then file a complaint. But know this, my boss has
• 8:16
  my back. Sorry, let me take this. Oh, speak of
• 8:20
  the devil. Hello chief? Oh oh, you say you've just
• 8:25
  received a complaint from Solomon Soakeye dang, that was fast.
• 8:29
  How did he even No, No, sir, I wasn't harassing him.
• 8:33
  I was simply questioning. No, I didn't have a warrant.
• 8:36
  But no, all you need in your city is your
• 8:39
  gutting your grit. Oh okay, you're saying I need an
• 8:42
  actual warrant, chain of evidence. Yeah, okay, well yeah, answer lawsuit,
• 8:49
  but civil liberties?
• 8:51
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Come on?
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: How am I supposed to? Okay, fine, I'll leave and
• 8:55
  come back to the station.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: Who was it wrong?
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Listen, I'm going to let you off with a warning
• 9:03
  this time, but if I find out you had anything
• 9:05
  to do with Barber Stair's murder, I'm gonna be real
• 9:09
  mad at you.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: You're anhinged detective. We're on the same side this time around.
• 9:15
  Babs is a friend of mine and I want to
• 9:16
  see her killer brought to justice. So let me point
• 9:19
  your investigation in the right direction. You know doctor Dardar
• 9:23
  from our lady of Perpetual Motion Hospital.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: And car wash, Doctor Duncan Dardar the very same as
• 9:29
  far as remedies go, A visit to Dardar was a
• 9:31
  lot more effective than my usual two shots of whiskey
• 9:34
  chased with a raspberry white claw. Dardar had patched me
• 9:37
  up after more than one scrap at the bar. He
• 9:40
  was the one who dug the slug out of my
• 9:41
  chest when I got plugged by a street thug slinging drugs.
• 9:44
  That banger got the jump on me, but I was
• 9:47
  a lot younger back then, slower trusting gerr Nowadays. I
• 9:53
  kept my eyes open and my trigger finger itchy. Yeah,
• 9:56
  I know Dardar, what about him?
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I caught a peek at back schedule book while I
• 10:01
  was over. She had a girls' night planned with Duncan
• 10:03
  Dartar as kid for Earlerly Tonight. You two should have
• 10:06
  a chat.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Doctor Dhardar had a daughter, indeed.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Deedy Daddar, you'll probably find her at the caviar bar.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Thanks for the tip, now here's one for you.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Excellently done. Perhaps we should do this again sometime with
• 10:20
  something a little bit sharper.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Don't let me catch you bringing a sword to a gunfight.
• 10:27
  My next step was back at the station to see
• 10:29
  the boss, Chief Jamison Justice. He was the real deal,
• 10:33
  as real as they come. He lost his eyesight and
• 10:36
  to build a bare explosion taken down the Biscotti crime
• 10:38
  family way back when all the new recruits were still
• 10:41
  in divers. That was a weird time for the station's
• 10:44
  dress code. But I digress. Justice made a lot of
• 10:47
  enemies that day, and Allie Gotper's troubles was desk duty.
• 10:51
  But he never looked back. He wouldn't even if he could.
• 10:56
  You wanted to see me, sir, since.
• 10:58
  Speaker 8: The moment I met you. I'll settle for hearing right now,
• 11:02
  close the door, have a seat.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: What's on your mind?
• 11:06
  Speaker 9: Chief?
• 11:06
  Speaker 8: I expect this to be a briefcase.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: You mean that wrapped present over there on your desk.
• 11:12
  Speaker 8: Yeah, my wife told me not to open it before
• 11:14
  my birthday, but she knows I need something to carry
• 11:16
  around all of my important documents. In anyway, let's talk
• 11:19
  about the stair woman's death. I expect this to be
• 11:22
  a brief case.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: What makes you say that?
• 11:25
  Speaker 8: I know the media wants to make a big deal
• 11:27
  out of it. As they say, sensationalism sells, sure, but
• 11:31
  this is an open and shut a case as it gets.
• 11:33
  Foreigner's already made a ruling. The death was an accident.
• 11:37
  What an accident? Barbara Stair fell down her stairs. I
• 11:43
  think it's fair to say this kind of affair is rare,
• 11:46
  but there's no reason to throw scares everywhere. Giving good
• 11:49
  folks Nightmayeres Stair will be in our thoughts and prayers.
• 11:52
  I wanted to share the news with you before we
• 11:54
  released a state chief.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Look, if only there's something more to this case, I.
• 11:59
  Speaker 8: Can, Sorry, Dick, I got Mayor O'Hare breathing down my
• 12:03
  neck telling me to wrap things up, and I can't
• 12:05
  have my best detective investigating any leads he may have
• 12:09
  found while on official duty the mayor.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Why does Mayor O'Hare care about Barbara Stare?
• 12:15
  Speaker 8: I couldn't tell you. All I know is that he's
• 12:17
  been acting strangely ever since Exposition News started looking into
• 12:21
  his laundry. Matt Empire, Now, why don't you take the
• 12:23
  rest of the night off.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: You got it, Boss. Justice may be blind, but he
• 12:31
  ain't deaf. He knew something didn't smell right. He could
• 12:34
  feel it. In his bones, just like I could. The
• 12:36
  truth was so close I could almost taste it. But
• 12:39
  first there was someone I needed to see.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: D D.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Dardar. The Caviar Bar was by far the fanciest place
• 12:49
  in Olive Noir, local hotspot for everyone from film stars
• 12:52
  to oilzars, where the cocktails come in Mason jars and
• 12:55
  the cigars are always on par I flashed a badge
• 12:59
  to get past the answer. I flashed a twenty to
• 13:01
  the bartender to find out what I needed to know.
• 13:03
  He hadn't seen D D all night, but if I
• 13:05
  wanted to find her, I should check out her pad.
• 13:08
  She lived on Pie Avenue, somewhere between third and Fourth Street.
• 13:11
  Hers was the building with all the locks on the
• 13:13
  front door. If I wanted to get inside, i'd need
• 13:15
  more than a badge in cash. Fortunately, I know how
• 13:19
  to turn on the charm when I need to.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: I wasn't expecting any company this late at night.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Are you lost?
• 13:36
  Speaker 10: D D.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Dardar? Who's asking the name's Dick, Detective? Detective, Detective, I
• 13:43
  wanted to ask you a few questions about your friend
• 13:45
  Barbara Stare.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: Come right up, walk slowly, though, I need to put
• 13:51
  on some clothes.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was easy. Hello, detective, this sure is a
• 13:58
  nice place. You're all by yourself.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: It's nothing special. The bottom floor here is my art studio,
• 14:05
  but my living quarters are the top seventeen floors.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Sounds like business is good. What kind of art are
• 14:11
  you into, missus Dardar.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: It's miss I create luxury n fts and please call
• 14:18
  me d D. Would you care for some wine?
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: D D?
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Thank you? No thanks, I'm trying to cut down on
• 14:25
  the job drinking.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: Oh I didn't realize you were on the job right now.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Actually, now that you mention it, I'm not.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: Two glasses of wine. Then it's a nineteen sixty nine
• 14:37
  bottle of seven yon Mer from the caprived Sun region
• 14:41
  of France.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: My favorite.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: So Barbara Staire, millionaire actress extraordinaire. What can I tell you?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: You can start with why you went to see her today?
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: Babs and I were friends. She wanted my artistic opinion
• 14:56
  on some arts she inherited from her father's estate.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Art like the mcguffin.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: Nothing seduces me quite like a gritty, hard boiled man
• 15:07
  who knows his artists. Color me impressed.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Say I know this is gonna sound like a line
• 15:14
  but do we know each other? I could swear I've
• 15:17
  seen you somewhere before. Did you ever hang out at
• 15:19
  your father's hospital by any chance? I'm in there often
• 15:22
  enough to fill out a punch card every month.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: As a matter of fact, I do visit Daddy Dardar
• 15:27
  whenever I can. The entire staff of our Lady of
• 15:30
  Perpetual Motion and car Wash know me by name. We're
• 15:34
  a family who will do anything for each other. Do
• 15:37
  you have a family, Detective, I'm married to the job.
• 15:41
  No one, Detective, Nobody to kiss you after a long
• 15:45
  day on the job, Nobody to miss you if you
• 15:49
  were to die tonight. That is such an awful, tragic turtle.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Forgive me, I should take this.
• 15:59
  Speaker 5: Hello, detective, it's Frank who Frank quietly the crime scene
• 16:04
  tech from the first act? Oh right, right, you didn't
• 16:07
  remember my name?
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: No, No, I totally what's up, Frank?
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: You were right what you said about the details. Coroner
• 16:14
  Crowley at o l PMNCW said the death was an accident,
• 16:18
  but I kept investigating anyway. It turns out Barbara Stair
• 16:22
  didn't just fall down the stairs.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: You're saying you have proof she was pushed.
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: No, Detective, the blood screen came back miss stare Fell
• 16:30
  because she had been poisoned.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: So Stair's killer's still out there somewhere. Quite Frankly, that's
• 16:36
  some of the best detective thing I've ever seen. Frank quietly,
• 16:39
  keep this on the DL for now, though we have
• 16:41
  no idea who we can trust.
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: We'll do Goodbye, Dad.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Oh uh, I'm not your dad.
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: Oh sorry, I just.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, it's fine, you don't have to.
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: I think it's just that I crave approval from strong
• 16:53
  male figures, right, got it. It's not that I have
• 16:56
  some kind of regressive hang up over childhood traumas.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: No, no, it's it's cool. There's no need for an explanation.
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: But maybe you and I can go fishing sometimes.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I'm hanging up. Now, who was it, telemarketer? Now? Where
• 17:07
  were we?
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Oh? Yes?
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: The uh oh this is strange. What was I saying.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: Sounded like someone from the crime lab. I think you
• 17:19
  said his name was Frank Quietly.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Suddenly the world started spinning. I'd always been considered an
• 17:25
  advanced drinker by common standards, or an alcoholic if you
• 17:29
  asked my doctor, ex wife, pastor friends or family. But
• 17:33
  this wine was hitting me like a bucket of tequila
• 17:35
  at Kinsiniera.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: And did I hear you tell him not to share
• 17:39
  this information with anyone else? Good? Shouldn't be too hard
• 17:43
  to snip off a couple of loose ends.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: That's the moment when it all came together.
• 17:54
  Speaker 11: Oh, Babs and I were friends.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: She was the kind of girl who kept the cards
• 17:58
  closed and her enemies closer.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: We have no idea who we can trust.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: Nobody to miss you if you were to.
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: Die night Coroner Crowley of the O l OP n NCW.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: The entire staff of our Lady of Perpetual Motion and
• 18:12
  car Wash know me by name.
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: Two glasses of wine on the coffee table?
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Would you care for some?
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 18:28
  Speaker 6: Crap?
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: Wake up, detective?
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Where am I?
• 18:36
  Speaker 12: You're in my art studio?
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: No, don't struggle those metal shackles around your wrists. Have
• 18:42
  you securely trapped dangling a few inches off the ground?
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Wait a second, I remember that heavy handed over explaining
• 18:52
  you're Gabby Barker of Exposition.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: News, one of my many personas.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Of course, hit all menkes sense. Now you knew everything
• 19:02
  there was to know about Barbara Stare from your job
• 19:04
  as an investigative reporter. Staire had to fence one of
• 19:07
  her priceless works because she was paying you off after
• 19:09
  you blackmailed her.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: Let's just say I found some questionable holes in her
• 19:14
  alibi for her father's death that she would prefer not
• 19:18
  to be made public.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: But why kill her exposition?
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: News is running my expose on her tomorrow wants exposed,
• 19:27
  she'd have no extra reason to extend our agreement. And
• 19:32
  as I'm sure you know, extortion is illegal.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: So you get the money, you're first unseen for the
• 19:38
  big scoop, and you've got a damning story ready to
• 19:41
  run right as the other networks release their puff pieces
• 19:44
  and memorials. It's devious.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: What can I say? I love being naughty.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Of course, you've been doing this for a while, haven't you,
• 19:56
  collecting dirt on the rich and dirty. You are the
• 19:59
  one investigating them laundering facility by the Financial District, and
• 20:03
  you've been using that leverage to steer investigations away from you.
• 20:07
  Tell me what's the blackmail you got on him?
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's exactly what you'd expect. You don't mean, yes,
• 20:16
  the mayor listens to nickelback.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: My god, Well.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: This chat has been ever so lovely, but now it's
• 20:25
  your turn to tell secrets? Who else knows you're here?
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: My boss, my informant, the fire Marshal Greg from accounting,
• 20:33
  aunt Zelda and her three chihuahuas. Let's see who else?
• 20:36
  Speaker 6: Uh?
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: The waiter from the diner down the street, the Pope.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Just as I suspected, nobody knows you're here but me
• 20:44
  and Frank the soon to be deceased crime tech.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: And that's where you're wrong, honey. You see, I learned
• 20:52
  my lesson last time I got shot. Life is full
• 20:55
  of surprises. The best offense is a good defense, which
• 20:58
  is why I started carrying a life alert bracelet everywhere
• 21:01
  I go. If I have an unexpected fall, it sends
• 21:03
  a GPS alert to my emergency contact, who, in this
• 21:07
  case is Louis the loan shark, and Louie would never
• 21:10
  let me die before I paid back that sketchy short
• 21:12
  term loan at five hundred percent compounding APR. Sorry Tootz,
• 21:17
  you're busted. Louis, you made it, and I see you
• 21:22
  brought your entire crew and a bunch of guns.
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: Wonderful, well played, detective. It looks like I'll be going
• 21:28
  away for a while. Will you visit me?
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Sorry, babe, You may be as beautiful as you are gorgeous,
• 21:36
  but you're bad news.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: I'm not bad, I'm just written this way.
• 21:45
  Speaker 8: Well, Dick, it looks like you did it again. Another
• 21:49
  bad guy behind bars. The corrupt coroner has been picked
• 21:52
  up by the boys in Blue, and I saved a
• 21:55
  lot of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
• 21:58
  Today's a good day for the good guys.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right, but something about this case was different.
• 22:07
  Something's gonna stick in my soul for a long time.
• 22:10
  I just don't understand what can bring a human being
• 22:12
  to do something like this, to live this secret double life.
• 22:16
  It's no big deal. Mean, yeah, how could we have
• 22:20
  never realized that the mayor of Noir City was a
• 22:22
  Nickelback fan?
• 22:25
  Speaker 8: Richard, Get out of my office.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: You know what they call a group of crows in
• 23:01
  Noir City? We call it pretty freakin' ominous. Get out
• 23:07
  of here, you dang birds. I'd been working the long
• 23:12
  hours ever since my now infamous investigation into the untimely
• 23:16
  death of Barbara Stare. I had no idea at the
• 23:18
  time where that staircase would lead, but I pulled the
• 23:21
  string intil the whole house of cards came unglued. The
• 23:24
  mayor of Noir City was forced to resign after I
• 23:27
  uncovered his dirty little secret, and his deputy mayor, a
• 23:30
  man named Matt Maynard, took over. I knew Mayor Maynard
• 23:33
  may Or may not care that I was directly indirectly
• 23:35
  responsible for his predecessor's pr problems and premature departure from politics,
• 23:40
  But just to be safe, I decided to keep a
• 23:42
  low profile. I'd been walking on tiptoes, on eggshells, on
• 23:46
  pins and needles, on thin ice, trying not to rock
• 23:48
  the boat. But trouble was like a clinging X with
• 23:51
  too much time on their hands. No matter where I go,
• 23:54
  it always seems to follow me. It was a night
• 23:58
  just like any other when I caught the call to
• 23:59
  send park time tipped forward. People went about their daily lives,
• 24:04
  oblivious to the horrors lurking beneath the quilted douvet covers
• 24:07
  of society. The sun hung ever present in the sky,
• 24:10
  baking us all like human pop tarts. Oh wait, it
• 24:13
  wasn't night at all. It was day. And it wasn't
• 24:16
  a day just like any other, because this day was
• 24:19
  full of murder, bird murder, burder, Detective Rich Detective NCPD.
• 24:29
  What do we have here?
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: Good morning, detective. I thought you were working the night shift.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: I'm pulling over time. I was about to clock out
• 24:35
  when I heard about a body in the park. How
• 24:37
  am I supposed to get any sleep when there might
• 24:39
  be a killer in my city? Well, it's good to
• 24:40
  see you again. Sorry, it's been a long night. Do
• 24:43
  I know you? I'm Frank? He sure was. The guy
• 24:47
  wouldn't even tell me his name. No matter. We had
• 24:49
  more pressing issues, like the body of the murder victim
• 24:52
  on the ground in front of us, or at least
• 24:54
  what was left of it. Looked like someone or something
• 24:57
  had picked the bones clean. What happened here?
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: We're still trying to piece it together, it being the
• 25:04
  skeletal remains. As I'm sure you know, there are two
• 25:06
  hundred and six bones in the human body, not counting teeth.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Of course, I'm a detective. It's my job to know
• 25:12
  these things.
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: So far, we're up to one hundred and fourteen.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: What could have scattered all the bits like this explosion
• 25:18
  lawnmower accident? Please tell me this isn't another outbreak of
• 25:21
  dance fever.
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: Dance fever antigen tests came back negative. Judging from the
• 25:25
  beakmarks on these bones, I'd say the body was torn
• 25:28
  to pieces by some sort of avian creature, likely corvid.
• 25:31
  Either one bird bit the victim a few thousand times,
• 25:34
  or thousands of birds bit the victim a few times each,
• 25:37
  or somewhere in between. But birds don't bite people.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: They don't murder either, and they certainly don't peck a
• 25:43
  random person to death. This was a crime of passion,
• 25:46
  and mark my words, I will find the pecker responsible.
• 25:49
  Speaker 9: I'll bet Kronsovon works up quite a bit an appetide
• 25:51
  on them. Here have some buffalo wings.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Excuse me? Who are you?
• 25:55
  Speaker 9: The name Saul Slaughter, owner and sole employee of Slaughter's
• 25:58
  butcher shop. If you got to hang for me, Slaughters
• 26:01
  can't be beat.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: How did you get past the police tape?
• 26:03
  Speaker 8: It wasn't hard.
• 26:04
  Speaker 9: I just ducked right under it. You look famished. Here
• 26:06
  take this turkey leg.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: The only thing I'm hungry for is justice. Now, explain
• 26:10
  what you're doing at my crime scenes. Saul.
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: Oh, that's our fault. We hired Saul to cater the investigation.
• 26:16
  The CSI saw all these bones and we started craving barbecue.
• 26:19
  Speaker 9: Say, Frank, would you care for one of my signatures? Slaughter,
• 26:21
  sloppy sandwiches?
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Do we really need to be taking a working lunch?
• 26:25
  Speaker 5: Hey, killers, don't take a lunch break. We can't afford
• 26:27
  to either. Oh it was slowberries sandwich is amazing.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: You didn't even wash your hands.
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: Oh oh, I almost forgot. We found the victim's cell phone.
• 26:39
  It's locked with a six digit alphanumeric pin code. We'll
• 26:42
  send it to the lab, but it might take some
• 26:43
  time to crack it.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Here, let me see HM six digits, letters and numbers.
• 26:48
  That's thirty six to the sixth power two billion, one
• 26:52
  and seventy six million, seven hundred and eighty two, three
• 26:54
  hundred and thirty six valid combinations. All right, let's get started.
• 26:57
  Why don't we try zero zero zero zero zero zero okay,
• 27:01
  invalid pen zero zero zero zero zero one invalid pin.
• 27:06
  That's what I was afraid of. How about zero zero
• 27:08
  zero zero zero two?
• 27:10
  Speaker 7: Oh?
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: That was it?
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Talk about?
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: Luck?
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, So, according to the call history, the last number
• 27:14
  our victim contacted belongs to the local Office of Morphometric Ornithology.
• 27:18
  The last number belongs to what I just said. That
• 27:21
  part the Office of Morphometric Ornithology. Are your ears?
• 27:24
  Speaker 9: Okay?
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: Do I need to call an audiologist? According to his
• 27:28
  tender profile, our victim is one Daryl Deadman, doctor Darryl Deadman,
• 27:33
  six foot one inch, professional bird scientist pisces no hookups,
• 27:37
  please open to the idea of a long term relationship.
• 27:40
  If he finds the right one, well that's not going
• 27:42
  to happen. Daryl, with three picks in your profile of
• 27:44
  you posing what the fish you caught?
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: Also, he's dead?
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: You really are, frank, aren't you? Listen? I'm going to
• 27:50
  head over to the Office of Ornithological Research and see
• 27:52
  if I can find any information on doctor Deadman. You
• 27:54
  contact is next of ken. I do it myself, but
• 27:57
  it's really sad and I don't want to. Oh, and
• 27:59
  remember ickx snay on the Erder Bay. The last thing
• 28:03
  we need is a public freak out or some kind
• 28:04
  of corvid cold war.
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: I understand historically humans have lost every single war they've
• 28:09
  waged against bird kind. What should I tell his family?
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: Tell them he died doing what he loved bird stuff.
• 28:17
  I could feel a surge of adrenaline in my bloodstream.
• 28:20
  I was on the hunt once again, but The hours
• 28:22
  were catching up with me and I needed.
• 28:23
  Speaker 13: Some go juice.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: The swill they called coffee down at the station wasn't
• 28:27
  going to cut it, so I stopped by my usual
• 28:29
  all service for caffeination joint, the Chopping Grind, the best
• 28:32
  cafe slashed barber shop in all of Noir City. I
• 28:35
  dropped in for the detective special, a hot coffee and
• 28:38
  a close shave. Lucky for me, it was a quiet morning.
• 28:41
  I was the only customer there, and my favorite Barbarisa Theresa,
• 28:44
  looked happy to see me. I had a blade against
• 28:48
  my neck. When Big Trouble walked in, Big guys with
• 28:51
  big muscles. I'd seen there type plenty of times before.
• 28:55
  I call them pandas. They look scary but wouldn't be
• 28:58
  too hard to take one out of which came to shove. Still.
• 29:02
  I couldn't help but notice that these pandas were packing heat.
• 29:05
  They may have been smiling, but the guns on their
• 29:07
  hips were telling anybody who listened that they meant business. And,
• 29:10
  like Shakira used to say, the hips don't lie. You
• 29:13
  boys here for a cut or a cup. Either way,
• 29:16
  you'll need to get in line. When the boss walked in,
• 29:20
  the two goons parted like it was nineteen ninety nine.
• 29:23
  Speaker 7: I'm afraid we're not here for the patronage, miss Detective.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: We're here for you, Teresa. Would you be so kind
• 29:30
  as to give me a moment alone with these guests? No,
• 29:33
  don't say anything. If you do, we'll have to hire
• 29:34
  a whole nother voice actor. Why don't you go pick
• 29:37
  out a bottle of good vintage coffee from down in
• 29:39
  the coffee cellar. Thanks a million. I didn't wake up
• 29:45
  yesterday looking for trouble, but whenever trouble sends me an invite,
• 29:48
  I always RSVP plus one. Say hello to my little friend.
• 29:54
  I call him Gunther.
• 29:56
  Speaker 7: Your reputation precedes you, Detective, put your weapon or the
• 30:01
  sniper I have stationed on the roof of the building
• 30:03
  across the street might start to get nervous.
• 30:08
  Speaker 6: Ha.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: I could smell your sniper coming from a mile away.
• 30:11
  That's why I hired my own sniper, who is currently
• 30:14
  on the roof of the slightly larger building behind your sniper.
• 30:17
  Speaker 7: Hmmm, very clever, except for one thing. I don't really
• 30:21
  have a sniper. I was bluffing.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: How hilarious, so was I?
• 30:27
  Speaker 7: Aha? I was only bluffing about bluffing. I really do
• 30:31
  have a sniper.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: Dang, all right, you got me. I'll put Gunther away
• 30:36
  for now, but know this, if you kill me, I'll
• 30:39
  haunt you so hard you'll wish you were dead. But
• 30:42
  then when you do actually die, I'll be waiting for
• 30:44
  you on the other side with Gunther.
• 30:48
  Speaker 7: H noted. Now that we've gotten the pleasantries out of
• 30:51
  the way, let's move on to introductions. These men are
• 30:56
  my hired muscles, Goon one and Goon two. The sniper
• 31:01
  across the street is Bob.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: And I'm I know who you are. I read the papers.
• 31:08
  Your BT dubs, local billionaire and captain of industry. Your
• 31:12
  businesses include casinos, coal, cryptocurrency, and soda pop. Your dirty
• 31:16
  fingers are in more dirty pies than a fractal Jack Horner.
• 31:21
  Speaker 7: Fractal Jack was my nickname in college.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: What's a tycoon like you doing in a place like this?
• 31:28
  Speaker 7: I need your help, Dick. We tried your apartment first,
• 31:31
  but your landlord said you were evicted.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: My landlord's a liar.
• 31:36
  Speaker 7: Financial trouble weight gain political pressure from a corrupt.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Mayor Wait Gaine.
• 31:44
  Speaker 7: I think we may be able to help one another
• 31:46
  my double decker limocopter is parked right outside. Come with
• 31:50
  me and I'll explain everything on the way to my
• 31:53
  yacht mansion.
• 31:54
  Speaker 14: And don't worry.
• 31:55
  Speaker 7: We'll pay for your shave gung one. Need some cash,
• 31:59
  a couple thousands, and they'll cover it. Right.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Uh, yeah, that'll probably suffice. But I'm still covered in
• 32:06
  shaving cream.
• 32:07
  Speaker 7: I don't worry. There's a shower in the limocapter.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: As much as I hated to admit it, BT was
• 32:14
  right about one thing. When it came to housing, I
• 32:16
  was in one dilly of a pickle. I'm not one
• 32:19
  to feel sorry for myself, but when you lose your
• 32:21
  home because the new mayor offers your landlord triple the
• 32:23
  rent for your apartment so he can use it for
• 32:25
  campaign signed storage, it's kind of hard not to take
• 32:28
  that personally. But what Bet couldn't see was that, to me,
• 32:32
  being down and out was my bread and butter. I
• 32:34
  didn't need his help. I'm like a cat. I always
• 32:37
  land on my feet and I rarely trust people. Still,
• 32:41
  my mother always taught me to never turn down a
• 32:43
  free shower.
• 32:45
  Speaker 6: M M.
• 32:47
  Speaker 7: I want to offer you a job, missdetective. It's about
• 32:51
  my son Paul, who so tragically passed away a couple
• 32:55
  of weeks ago.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: Sorry for your loss. Could you pass me the soap?
• 33:01
  Speaker 7: In exchange for your help, I might be able to
• 33:03
  make your Mayor, Maynard Mass be no more. I have
• 33:06
  a lot of pull in this town.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I read the rags. I know what happened to your son.
• 33:12
  But Paul's death wasn't a murder. He died of natural causes,
• 33:15
  crushed under a piano on a cruise ship in the
• 33:17
  Bermuda Triangle. Everybody knows these things happen.
• 33:20
  Speaker 7: Shampoo right above you. It's not his death. I want
• 33:24
  you to investigate. Someone stole his corpse dug it up
• 33:29
  the day after his funeral. I want you to find
• 33:32
  out who did this. I've already looked into the matter,
• 33:36
  and I've learned that someone had been stealing bodies from
• 33:39
  the graveyard for some time now, But nobody can identify
• 33:43
  the culprit. They say the man wears a suit of
• 33:46
  armor and he only ever appears after dark. The locals
• 33:51
  are calling him the night Night.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, BT, but I'm on a case right now,
• 33:56
  and as we all know, police are only allowed to
• 33:58
  follow one case at a time. I can't be looking
• 34:00
  around the crypt for your CRYPTOCRYPTID and do my day job.
• 34:03
  Hand me that, Robert ducky.
• 34:05
  Speaker 7: Mm, here you are. I understand your hesitance to take
• 34:09
  on such a job all by yourself, which is why
• 34:12
  I've hired another private investigator to lighten the burden. Say
• 34:17
  hello to your partner.
• 34:20
  Speaker 11: Hello, detective what.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: D d Dardar? I thought you were behind bars?
• 34:27
  Speaker 11: No, I'm not Ddy. I'm her sister. CC Scarsguard.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Doctor Dardar had another identical daughter.
• 34:35
  Speaker 7: Indeed, I'll leave the two of you alone in this
• 34:38
  shower to get more acquainted.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: Excuse me, Ceci, my eyes are up here.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: Sorry, I couldn't stop staring at your half shaven face.
• 34:52
  Did you mean for it to look that way?
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Got interrupted by your boss mid shave? Hend me a towel,
• 34:57
  would you? I wouldn't want to make mister Scarsguard jealous.
• 35:00
  Speaker 11: Oh he won't be.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: Mister Scarsgard was murdered by an unknown assailant while I
• 35:05
  was away at the annual Alibi Convention.
• 35:08
  Speaker 11: I have gas and hotel receipts to prove it. Here's
• 35:11
  your tale.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: Thanks so sorry for your loss.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: I don't know what I'm going to do with my
• 35:16
  husband gone. I'm all alone in this world with nothing
• 35:20
  but my generous insurance payout to keep me warm.
• 35:24
  Speaker 12: Hmm, it's too.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: Bad there isn't a big, strong, half shaven man out
• 35:29
  there to come and sweep me off my feet and
• 35:32
  take me away from this dreadfully boring life of hunting
• 35:36
  down grave robbers for billionaires.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you'll find love, Ceci. There's someone out there
• 35:42
  for everyone.
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: Oh really, is there someone out there for you?
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: Cut the cutesiact, Cupcake. If we're gonna work together, we
• 35:49
  need to ignore this obvious animalistic attraction between us.
• 35:54
  Speaker 7: Oh good, you've decided to work with us. Such great news.
• 35:57
  I'm sorry to cut our encounter short, but it would
• 35:58
  appear our limo copter is being.
• 36:00
  Speaker 11: Attacked, attacked by who, not whom, but.
• 36:03
  Speaker 7: What a giant flock of crows is trying to run
• 36:06
  us off the sky.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: You mean we're under attack by a swarm of crows.
• 36:11
  Speaker 7: Yes, a irregular consortium of crows.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Well, then where did this herd of crows come from?
• 36:18
  Speaker 7: All I know is that the bouquet of crows is
• 36:20
  trying to kill us. All here, take these parachutes. I'll
• 36:24
  have goon to man the eastern turrets that ought to
• 36:26
  distract this parliament of crows. Why you sneak out the
• 36:29
  escape patch all?
• 36:30
  Speaker 11: But I wanted to say the aplent.
• 36:32
  Speaker 7: We're right above the Office of Morphometric Ornithology. Now go
• 36:36
  before our listeners have time to overthink this incredibly convoluted scenario.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: Got it, I'll catch you later. As we floated to
• 36:49
  the ground, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of
• 36:51
  alliance I formed. Cci was every bit as beautiful as
• 36:54
  her sister was. She just as equally devious. Only time
• 36:58
  would tell. Wow, that was a close one.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Impressive parachuting, Dick.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: Thanks, I was top of my creative falling class at
• 37:06
  Police Academy.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: It's been fun getting to know you. But this is
• 37:09
  where we must part ways. I've got a grave robber
• 37:12
  to catch, and you're probably going to need to get
• 37:15
  back to your day job, considering the Office of Morphometric
• 37:19
  Ornithology is currently on fire.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Oh so it is. I was wondering where all that
• 37:26
  smoke was coming from. Be sure to call me if
• 37:28
  you find anything. Don't try to take this guy out
• 37:30
  on your own. Understand, I'm a big girl.
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: I can handle myself. I'll see you at the end
• 37:36
  of the story.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: Looking forward to it.
• 37:41
  Speaker 5: Detective Hi, I thought I might find you here. Oh,
• 37:44
  hello you, it's Frank Frank quietly.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I knew that. What's going on here, Frank.
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: Somebody set fire to the building. Looks like arson. Any
• 37:54
  clues we may have gotten as to what kind of
• 37:55
  research doctor Dedman was looking into are officially lost.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: Then I guess we're back at square one.
• 38:01
  Speaker 9: Fellow detective, fancy a fresh link of slaughter spicy sausage?
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: You again?
• 38:05
  Speaker 5: Sorry, We've been pulling charred bodies out all morning, and
• 38:08
  they look and smell delicious. It really put us in
• 38:11
  the mood for more barbecue.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: Holy cow, people died in the fire.
• 38:15
  Speaker 5: Oh excuse me, I realize how that sounded. Now, No
• 38:18
  nobody died. The building housed the world's largest collection of
• 38:21
  taxidermy birds, and now that collection is extra crispy.
• 38:25
  Speaker 9: Perhaps a delicious bacon wrapped lamb cabab to wet your appetite.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: Dang it, Saul, I don't want any of your weird meats.
• 38:31
  Speaker 9: Okay, I can take a hint. What about you, Frank?
• 38:34
  Speaker 5: Oh yes, I'd love a Frank.
• 38:35
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Any witnesses no, no witnesses.
• 38:39
  Speaker 5: Unfortunately, the whole building was empty on account of National
• 38:43
  Bird Day. But as luck would have it, there was
• 38:46
  a delivery for doctor Deadman sitting in the unburned mailbox.
• 38:49
  Speaker 6: Great.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: It's a receptacle for letters, parcels and packages. But that's
• 38:53
  not important right now. Doctor Deadman had ordered a toxicology
• 38:57
  report for a sample of local crows. He suspected they
• 39:00
  may have been poisoned due to their erratic behavior, but
• 39:02
  it turns out they were completely drug free.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: Fascinating. I should get to the Morgan talk to the coroner.
• 39:08
  Good thing.
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: The morgue is right across the street.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're right there, it is. Wow, how convenient, detective.
• 39:14
  Speaker 5: Do you mind if I ask you a question?
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: Is this about my half shaved beard?
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 39:19
  Speaker 5: I hadn't even noticed. I was too distracted by the
• 39:21
  fact that you are completely naked right now.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd just gotten out of a helicopter shower and
• 39:26
  didn't have time to redress.
• 39:27
  Speaker 5: Well, I have a spare set of clothes in my
• 39:29
  car if you wanted to borrow them.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Oh um, yeah, I might as well. Thanks. The case,
• 39:37
  much like the Bird Science building, inferno was heating up.
• 39:41
  Whatever deadman was looking into had gotten him killed, and
• 39:43
  the killer wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty. I
• 39:46
  barely had time to finish this monologue before I made
• 39:48
  it to the morgue, Doctor Morgan, Jordan.
• 39:51
  Speaker 14: Richard, it's so good to see you. What brings you
• 39:54
  into the morgue this morning?
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: I'm working the deadman murder? Have you found anything interesting
• 39:58
  with the bones into the bak bites?
• 40:01
  Speaker 14: All of the body dead man had crack cranium, torn tarsus,
• 40:05
  scratched scapula, punctured pelvis, makeled mandible, and at least one
• 40:09
  cavity in his teeth. All the injuries are consistent with
• 40:12
  the theory of a cronado.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: Cut the mumbo jumbo morph jargon. Jordan, shoot straight with me.
• 40:17
  Was this a murder?
• 40:18
  Speaker 14: I'd say he died of unnatural causes, but without any
• 40:22
  meat or blood left to test, there's very little we
• 40:24
  can do. However, I did discover something interesting. If you
• 40:28
  take the armbone here and the sleg bone here and
• 40:32
  you tap them together against.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: The ribs like so, that is humorous.
• 40:39
  Speaker 14: No, this one's actually the femur common mistake.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: As long as I have you here, do you mind
• 40:43
  if I ask some questions about another case I'm working.
• 40:46
  Do you remember Paul Dubbs. He should have come through
• 40:49
  here a couple weeks ago.
• 40:50
  Speaker 14: Dubbs. Yeah, but God wasn't a murderer. He died of
• 40:54
  a broken heart. It got squished under the piano, along
• 40:57
  with all of his other organs.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: I got them right here, his organs.
• 41:01
  Speaker 14: Yeah, I collect organs for science. I keep them all
• 41:04
  over here in the pullout drawer. Huh, that's funny. My
• 41:11
  organ draw is empty.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: Your organ drawer.
• 41:13
  Speaker 14: It was regular, smartest organs, for sure. We had big organs,
• 41:17
  short organs, organs from orphans. Now there's no more organs
• 41:20
  in the morgue.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: Can you pull up the security tapes for the last week.
• 41:23
  Speaker 14: Sure, as you can see, I've got my computer right here.
• 41:27
  Speaker 7: Tipity tap.
• 41:28
  Speaker 14: Oh my goodness is that?
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's exactly what I expected.
• 41:32
  Speaker 14: What does it mean?
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: It means we've got ourselves a case of grand theft
• 41:36
  organ Pause the video right there? Do you see what
• 41:39
  I see?
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: Wow?
• 41:41
  Speaker 14: That is such a visually striking image.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: I know, right quite the tableau vivant, if I do
• 41:45
  say so myself. The way the lighting glistens off the
• 41:48
  moist organs. It almost looks like art.
• 41:50
  Speaker 14: I wouldn't even know where to begin describing the scene anyway.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: We can both see what we're looking at, so there's
• 41:56
  no point in continuing to talk about it. I better
• 41:58
  go now, Okay, bye, don't be a stranger. Knock knock, Chief,
• 42:05
  What are you doing here?
• 42:06
  Speaker 8: Some guns parachuted down to the police station to drop
• 42:09
  off your gun and cell phone. I heard from Frank
• 42:12
  that you were here at the morgue, so I thought
• 42:13
  i'd come by and deliver them to you.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: Gun thir there you are, did you miss me?
• 42:18
  Speaker 14: Chief? Would you like to take a look at this
• 42:21
  incredible security tip we just uncovered?
• 42:23
  Speaker 8: Would that I could? But alas I am blind, perhaps
• 42:28
  you can describe it to me.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: The footage shows a man down head to toe in
• 42:32
  medieval style body armor, breaking into the morgue, stealing spare
• 42:35
  body parts and stuffing them into a satchel. If you
• 42:37
  look closely, you'll see a rombicue bocdahedron sticker on the
• 42:40
  shoulder of the suit of armor.
• 42:42
  Speaker 8: I know what that is, of course you do.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: Everyone knows what a romaicue bocdahedron is.
• 42:47
  Speaker 8: That's quite fascinating, but if it doesn't have anything to
• 42:50
  do with the crow case, you should forget about it.
• 42:53
  The Mayor's been breathing down my neck all morning. He
• 42:56
  wants to run his re election campaign on a promise
• 42:59
  of no more skeletons, and this dead man death has
• 43:03
  thrown a wrench into those plans. He insists, we get
• 43:06
  this murder solved yesterday.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: But we just found the body today, and last time
• 43:11
  I checked, traveling to the past is illegal.
• 43:14
  Speaker 8: I'm telling you this for your own good. Focus on
• 43:17
  the murder. Kick the body thief over to MMU.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: You mean the Morbid Misdemeanors Unit, But chief that department
• 43:24
  is a total joke. They haven't solved a case since
• 43:26
  the Christmas Crampis Caper of sixty nine, and that was
• 43:28
  only because the elves narked.
• 43:30
  Speaker 8: It's funny you should bring that up. You see, Gunther
• 43:33
  wasn't the only reason I came down here. I also
• 43:36
  wanted to give you a warning, face to face, man
• 43:39
  to man. I met with Matt at the Mayor's manor
• 43:42
  on Mansion Row. Mayor Maynard asked me to move you
• 43:44
  off murders and make you manager of Morbid Misdemeanors.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: But I can't work MMU. That's a huge motion, and
• 43:50
  those guys down there are so weird. Maynard's just trying
• 43:53
  to get back at me for getting his friend fired.
• 43:55
  Speaker 8: I told him I needed you to stay in homicide,
• 43:58
  but he was insistent. We reached a cop. If you
• 44:00
  can crack the killer Crow case, he'll concede this quest
• 44:04
  to crush your career. No pressure, though.
• 44:06
  Speaker 14: Wait a second, if you're blind, how did you get
• 44:10
  all the way here from the police station. Surely you
• 44:12
  don't dry.
• 44:13
  Speaker 8: Of course not. I rode my bike and don't call me.
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: Surely.
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: But I'd love to stay in chat, but I've got
• 44:20
  a murder to solve. I hit the bricks to see
• 44:23
  if any of the regular suspects knew anything about doctor
• 44:25
  Deadman's untimely demise. My criminal informants were always good for
• 44:28
  telling me what the word was on the street, and
• 44:30
  it turned out bird was the word. But Morgan Jordan's
• 44:34
  organ drawer wasn't the only thing coming up empty. Nobody
• 44:37
  knew who was responsible for the sudden spike and Crow crime.
• 44:40
  I was at a dead end when I got a
• 44:41
  nudge in an unexpected direction. This is Richard Detective. Detective
• 44:48
  Richard Detective. Hello, Dick ceci to, what do I owe
• 44:51
  the pleasure?
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: I've found a lead in the dub case. The rahmba
• 44:56
  que boc Tohedran is the logo of a band called
• 44:59
  the Low Funk, who made their debut performance the last
• 45:03
  week at the Act Break Bar. Someone stole the band's
• 45:07
  air guitar and they haven't been able to play ever since,
• 45:10
  which means whoever got that sticker on the night Night's
• 45:13
  armor was there the night the band played.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: How did you know about the romba cuboctahedron.
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: I have my ways. I also have friends at the
• 45:23
  Act Break Bar. Tell the bartender that CC sincha. I'd
• 45:27
  go there myself, but I'm currently trapped inside a werewolf den.
• 45:32
  Don't ask. It's a long story.
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: Thanks for the tip, and good luck with the were wolves.
• 45:40
  The Act Break Bar was the kind of dive where
• 45:42
  low LIFs and criminals go to blow off steam, but
• 45:44
  it had its own code of conduct. It was only
• 45:46
  a dangerous place if you were a cop. Unfortunately for me,
• 45:50
  I was a cop, which is precisely why I knew
• 45:53
  exactly where to find the Act Break Right after this
• 45:56
  word from our sponsors.
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: Did you alienate your entire family, drove all your friends
• 46:04
  away with your intolerable behavior, find that even casual acquaintances
• 46:08
  can't stand to be around you for more than a
• 46:10
  few minutes. Well, who better to put up with you
• 46:12
  than you? With one quick call to Clone of my Own,
• 46:15
  you can relieve your solitude. But the companion who will
• 46:17
  never leave you because they are you your clone, won't
• 46:21
  just share your DNA either. They owe their entire existence
• 46:24
  to your consumerist whims. After being locked in the basement
• 46:27
  all day, they'll be thrilled to hear you come home.
• 46:30
  Money doesn't buy that kind of gratitude except here at
• 46:33
  Clone of my Own. And don't worry. If you start
• 46:36
  to find yourself as tedious as everyone else does, you
• 46:38
  can purchase our quiet clone ballgag and keep your clone
• 46:41
  around for tedious household chores. So remember, we're the clone
• 46:46
  of your own.
• 46:48
  Speaker 7: You'll never be alone.
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: We're a long or two o three.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: You'll know.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: Bartender where no I was talking about you. You are
• 47:06
  the bartender here at the act break bar, are you not?
• 47:08
  Speaker 13: Oh sorry, I misunderstood you.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: The name's Dick.
• 47:12
  Speaker 13: Hi, Dick, I'm bart I'm looking.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: For some information about a man who came through this
• 47:17
  away not too long ago. About ya Hi smelled of
• 47:20
  dead bodies covered head to toe in a suit of armor.
• 47:23
  Speaker 15: Sorry, Bud, I can't help you. I think i'd remember
• 47:26
  something like that.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: That's too bad. My friend Ceci Scarsguard seemed to think
• 47:30
  you'd be able to help.
• 47:31
  Speaker 13: How do you know, Cec I.
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: Have some history with her sister. I guess you could
• 47:36
  say I have sistery Cec Scarsguard has a sister, indeed,
• 47:41
  deedy Dardar.
• 47:42
  Speaker 13: Listen.
• 47:42
  Speaker 15: I love to help, but I'm on the clock, So
• 47:45
  if you want to talk, you'll need to order something.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: You know how to make up bloody Mary Poppins.
• 47:51
  Speaker 13: Baka tomade A juice and Bubba Gumpedia.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: Like that's the ticket, Give me one and make it
• 47:55
  extra bloody.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: Here you go.
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: Thanks? Know about this night night?
• 48:01
  Speaker 13: I told you already. I don't know anything about that.
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: The guy was playing hardball, but I knew what he
• 48:07
  was getting at I slapped a twenty on the table
• 48:09
  and slid it over. Maybe this might jog your memory.
• 48:13
  Speaker 15: Oh, thanks, but that's not going to change the fact
• 48:16
  that I literally don't know anything.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: This clearly wasn't his first rodeo. I slapped another twenty down.
• 48:22
  Maybe you could try and think a little harder.
• 48:25
  Speaker 13: WHOA, that's a lot of money. But I'm telling you
• 48:28
  I don't have any needs.
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: This was taking too long. I needed to get to
• 48:31
  the bottom of it fast, so I slapped a fifty
• 48:34
  on top.
• 48:35
  Speaker 13: Dude, I'm not being coyed. Keep your money. I don't
• 48:39
  know anything.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: It was time for the big guns. I slapped a
• 48:42
  seventy five dollars bill onto the stack.
• 48:44
  Speaker 13: All right, that's much better. You know what I just remembered?
• 48:49
  Speaker 15: There was a guy came in here a few times
• 48:51
  in the last week.
• 48:53
  Speaker 13: What a suit of armor, just like the one you described, only.
• 48:56
  Speaker 15: He had this stick on his with a picture of
• 48:59
  a what do you call one of them archimedean solid
• 49:01
  shapes with eight trianglear, six square and twelve rectangular faces.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: You mean a rombacue boctahedron.
• 49:08
  Speaker 15: Yeah, that's it, a rombacue by hocdahedra magin Any idea?
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: Who he was?
• 49:13
  Speaker 13: What was I supposed to do? Acts to see his ID?
• 49:16
  I'm just a bartender, can you imagine?
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: All right? Is there anything else you can tell me
• 49:21
  about him?
• 49:21
  Speaker 6: No?
• 49:22
  Speaker 15: Not really, not really no, well except for one thing.
• 49:26
  Every time he comes in he's always followed by a
• 49:28
  cacophony of crows. I told him he can't be bringing
• 49:31
  those birds in here. This isn't a crow bar.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: Wait, the bird murder and the night Night cases are related. Bart,
• 49:42
  you just blew my freaking mind.
• 49:44
  Speaker 13: And would you look at that? It's your friend Ceci.
• 49:47
  Speaker 11: Hello, Bart, I'll have the.
• 49:49
  Speaker 13: Usual, Sorry missus Scar's guard. We're all out of sparkling
• 49:53
  skintle water.
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: Oh well, in that case, do you know how to
• 49:57
  make a green.
• 49:58
  Speaker 13: Goblin mountain dew sake? In line?
• 50:00
  Speaker 11: That's the stuff?
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Cci? What happened with the werewolves?
• 50:09
  Speaker 11: Do I know you?
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: It's me Richard Richard detective Detective Richard detective.
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: Oh, you're the man who arrested my sister of all
• 50:18
  the bars on all the streets of Noir City.
• 50:21
  Speaker 11: What brings you here? Gumshoe?
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: You did? Don't you remember? We're working the grave rubber
• 50:26
  case together for BT Dubbs.
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: Oh, I see what's happened? What a hilarious misunderstanding you
• 50:33
  must forgive me. I believe you've been deceived, Detective. The
• 50:37
  woman you've been communicating with was, in fact my identical
• 50:41
  twin sister d D. She likes to pretend to be
• 50:44
  me sometimes, just a mess with people.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: Are you saying d D. Dardar escaped?
• 50:50
  Speaker 12: Escaped?
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: Heavens no? She was released over a lack of evidence
• 50:54
  when the arresting officer forgot to show up to testify.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: Beans.
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: If you're looking for a grave robber, I think I
• 51:03
  might be able to help. Do you know a man
• 51:06
  named Solomon SAKEI.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: My old fren nemesis. I should have known he had
• 51:12
  something to do with this.
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: Solomon said he saw something at the cemetery that spooked him.
• 51:17
  He told me he was scared, and he hasn't been
• 51:20
  the same since.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: What did he see?
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: Why don't you ask him yourself?
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: I don't know where he is.
• 51:27
  Speaker 3: I do, and I'll tell you exactly where to find him,
• 51:30
  but I'll need something from you in exchange. I want
• 51:34
  to get out of jail free card, but.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: I only get one of those per month. I was
• 51:39
  saving this one for Mom's birthday present. Plus I'm really
• 51:41
  not supposed to give these to criminals.
• 51:43
  Speaker 11: I'm not a criminal. I'm c. C. Scar's guard.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: Fine, I guess MA detective can spend one more month
• 51:50
  in Riker's here you go, Please don't make me regret this.
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: Lovely You'll see Solomon at Saint Simon's Saloon on South
• 51:58
  Second Street and Detective don't be a stranger.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: South Second Street was a twenty minute drive across town,
• 52:08
  more than enough time for me to wonder how it
• 52:10
  was all connected, How was the night night controlling birds?
• 52:13
  Why did he kill the bird scientist? And how could
• 52:16
  I have fallen for the oldest trick in the book.
• 52:18
  Pretending to be your own twin sister. It was enough
• 52:21
  to make a man wonder if there really ever were
• 52:23
  any were wolves, or if that was all just another deception.
• 52:28
  I found Sake sitting at the bar sipping sazarak and
• 52:31
  decided to siddle up to the stool next to him.
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: What are you up to, Sake, morning, Dick.
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: It's not morning. It's almost eight pm.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: No, I said, mourning. I'm mourning, Dick. My dear godmother
• 52:45
  passed away last week, died in a freak alligator racing accident.
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: Sorry for your loss. Excuse me, Bartender, Oh god, where No?
• 52:53
  I meant, Wait a second, bart what are you doing here?
• 52:57
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 52:58
  Speaker 15: Hi, Dick, I work here too. Yeah, there's a shortage
• 53:00
  of good drink servers in now City. There's also a
• 53:03
  shortage of people named bart ever since the bark Ender
• 53:07
  came to town.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: But you were just working at the act break bar.
• 53:12
  Speaker 15: I know, in this economy, in order to afford a
• 53:15
  two bedroom apartment, I have to work twenty five hours
• 53:18
  a day.
• 53:19
  Speaker 13: That means occasionally working two jobs at the same time.
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: But hey, it's a living.
• 53:24
  Speaker 6: What can I get you to drink?
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: Do you know how to make a kiss of death?
• 53:27
  Speaker 6: Pickle juice?
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: Yeggermeister, that's the stuff. Thanks cheers, Solomon. Here's to what
• 53:33
  was her name?
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: Muriel? To Muriel, to my Memuriel racing gators across the
• 53:40
  River Styx. All right, let's cut to the chase, Dick.
• 53:43
  I know you're only here for my criminal expertise.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: A mutual friend of ours says, you may have seen
• 53:48
  something strange recently at the cemetery, perhaps something involving a
• 53:52
  body snatcher. Perhaps you'd like to talk about.
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: It, Maamuriel's funeral was the standard drill, but a burial
• 54:00
  a bit more surreal. How So, when it comes to cremation,
• 54:04
  you can insist on a certain sort of incineration. Some
• 54:07
  soul seek out specialized services. They may want their remains
• 54:10
  made into jewelry, poured into an hourglass, or contained in
• 54:14
  salt shakers. Hey, I'll kink shame the deer it departed.
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: What kind of service did Muriel insist on?
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: She had her dust mixed with glitter and packed into
• 54:23
  a confetti cannon at the end of the bagpipe medley.
• 54:25
  She exploded all over the mourners. It was unexpected, to
• 54:28
  be sure, but I guess that's just the kind of
• 54:30
  woman Muriel was. Anyway, I took a walk after the
• 54:34
  service to clear my head, mostly the hair and eyes
• 54:38
  part of the head because they were coated murial dust.
• 54:41
  That's when I ended up in the cemetery playgrounds, and
• 54:43
  that's where I.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: Saw what What did you see?
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: Not? What?
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: Who I saw? Salt slaughter?
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: What was the butcher doing at the graveyard? Was he
• 54:55
  catering a funeral?
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: No, he was wearing a suit of armor, but I
• 54:59
  have upon him. Rights had taken off the helmet to
• 55:01
  get a sandwich, and Saul had a shovel. Looked like
• 55:05
  he just dug up dubs.
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: You're saying you saw saw with Paul Dubbs. You know, Paul,
• 55:10
  I'm working a case for Paul's Paul.
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: Uh, yeah, Saul had Paul, but he also had a hacksaw.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: What was Sault doing with a hacksaw?
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: He was sawing? He was sawing, say it, he was
• 55:22
  sawing the body of Paul into pieces he was making
• 55:25
  into Paul's law.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: So, Saul's the grave rubber, I see? And where exactly
• 55:30
  was Saut sawing?
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: I told you? Is that the playground?
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, but we're at in the playground.
• 55:36
  Speaker 6: Huh?
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: Was it near any sort of playground fixture by chance?
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: I don't know, like over next to the monkey bars,
• 55:42
  I guess.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: Dang, what a missed opportunity.
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: Listen, I don't know what kind of weird stuff the
• 55:47
  butcher is into, but I made sure to bury a
• 55:49
  bunch of claymore explosives all around Mura's grave just to
• 55:52
  be safe.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: You're probably not allowed to do that, But who am
• 55:55
  I to say what is or isn't legal? Wait a second,
• 55:59
  if Muriel was he made it, then why did she
• 56:01
  have a grave?
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: It was a plot hole?
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: Listen, Soke, you've been a tremendous help, and I promise
• 56:08
  you I will catch the man responsible for killing Darryl Deadman.
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: I have absolutely no emotional connection to your case whatsoever.
• 56:14
  Your words mean nothing to me.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: You hang in there, You're gonna be all right whatever. Okay,
• 56:22
  phone dial Chief Jamison Justice. Hello, Chief, I need a
• 56:30
  warrant to search Saul Slaughter slaughterhouse. CC Scarsgard sent me
• 56:33
  to see Solomon Sakey. Solomon says he saw Salt sawing
• 56:35
  Paul at the playground.
• 56:36
  Speaker 8: Was it by the sea song?
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: No?
• 56:38
  Speaker 8: Actually, monkey bars dang missed opportunity.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: I know that's what I said.
• 56:42
  Speaker 8: Hold up, are you telling me the town butcher is
• 56:45
  the one who's been stealing human body parts. I'm eating
• 56:48
  ribs from Slaughter's butchery right now. Excuse me for a
• 56:51
  moment while I go throw up.
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: Give me that warrant first, and you can throw up
• 56:54
  while me and Saul throw down. Oh sorry, I've got
• 56:57
  another call coming in from an unknown number. One second.
• 56:59
  I'll be right back. Hello.
• 57:02
  Speaker 10: It seems you've been asking a lot of questions lately,
• 57:04
  poking your nose where it doesn't belong. Who is this
• 57:08
  You don't know me, detective.
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: But I Saul. No, is this Saul Slaughter from Slaughter's Butchery?
• 57:16
  Speaker 10: No?
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: I know you did it, Saul.
• 57:19
  Speaker 10: Fine, you got me, but I got leverage. Say hello
• 57:22
  to your little friend, Detective Dick.
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: He called me.
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: He's holding me hostage at the park where they found
• 57:29
  deadman's body.
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: And this is who, uh which sister? Am I talking
• 57:36
  to me?
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: Cecy?
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the real cc or.
• 57:41
  Speaker 10: Come along, detective, if you ever want to see Cec again.
• 57:44
  If you're not here within an hour, I'll be forced
• 57:46
  to do something unmentionable like what I can't tell you.
• 57:50
  It's unmentionable.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: Well, then don't mention it. Try singing it.
• 57:54
  Speaker 10: I'm going to kill her.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: You can't kill her.
• 57:57
  Speaker 10: She'll die like the tip of my knife. It's exactly
• 58:01
  the point.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: You're a madman. Also, you hang up first. I have
• 58:06
  someone on the other line and I don't know how
• 58:08
  to switch it without dropping the call.
• 58:09
  Speaker 10: Oh uh okay, sure see soon.
• 58:11
  Speaker 14: Bye.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: Hello, Chief, I'm back. Who was it wrong number? Listen, Chief,
• 58:18
  forget everything I said about Saul. I was mistaken.
• 58:20
  Speaker 6: Oh good.
• 58:21
  Speaker 8: I already finished my ribs and was about to move
• 58:24
  on to the meat loaf also from Slaughter's Butchery. And
• 58:27
  for dessert, it's Lady Fingers from Missus Lovett's pie Shop.
• 58:31
  I have to go, Chief, Wait, no, I'm so lonely.
• 58:34
  I've been watching Sweeney Todd and trying to make funny
• 58:36
  puns and just failing. Please just help me, please.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: I was in a real sticky situation. Saul had Ceci
• 58:45
  as well as an army of crows at his beck
• 58:47
  and call. If I showed up unprepared, I'd be deader
• 58:49
  than Darryl Deadman. But I had one hour to get ready,
• 58:52
  and that was just enough time to make two important
• 58:54
  stops on my way to the park. Step one was
• 58:56
  a police department armory. Gunther was a good gun, but
• 58:59
  to take down a crows, I'd need an upgrade. My
• 59:02
  second stop was at the twenty four hour car wash
• 59:04
  because someone had written wash me in the dirt on
• 59:06
  my rights back window while I was talking to Sake.
• 59:09
  And that's just really embarrassing. The moonlit sky watched over
• 59:16
  the park with its ancient eyes. It was in for
• 59:19
  a real show tonight, Saul, show yourself.
• 59:24
  Speaker 11: I came alone, just like you said, you shouldn't have come.
• 59:31
  Now he's gonna kill us both.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: How did you get away from the werewolves?
• 59:35
  Speaker 11: It's a long story.
• 59:39
  Speaker 9: What I can't understand you with that helmet on, I
• 59:45
  said I'm so happy you made it, and with time
• 59:48
  to spare it too.
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: Am I Early I can go and make the block
• 59:51
  a couple of times.
• 59:51
  Speaker 9: If you're not ready, nonsense, let's get started. Our other
• 59:54
  guests of honors should be arriving shortly.
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: You mean the rabble of crows. See, I've got it
• 59:59
  all figured. You've been feeding the crows, haven't you. I
• 1:00:03
  imagine it started innocently enough, a few scraps from the butchery,
• 1:00:06
  the bits unworthy of filling sausages. The crows probably got
• 1:00:10
  used to. It started coming around more often and in
• 1:00:12
  greater numbers. Eventually it was no longer economically sustainable to
• 1:00:16
  feed the birds from your own supply. But you're saw
• 1:00:19
  slaughter the kind of guy who gets called out to
• 1:00:21
  cater crime scenes on the rag. You saw all those
• 1:00:24
  dead human bodies going to waste, and you concocted a plan.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 9: Hey, you're kind of stealing my villain monologue.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: Oh go ahead, you can take it from here. You
• 1:00:33
  really took the win out of my cells.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 9: I was really looking forward.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 14: To this part.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 11: It's true. He was rehearsing before you got here.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: I'll pretend I don't know anything. It's just the moment's ruined.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 11: Fine, I'll do it.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 3: Saw slaughter began small at first, stealing the occasional arm
• 1:00:50
  or leg from the crime scene, nothing anyone would notice.
• 1:00:54
  But the moment the crows first tasted human meat, they
• 1:00:57
  became ravenous. No other meat would do, and if they
• 1:01:01
  didn't get what they wanted, they'd tried to take it
• 1:01:04
  from Saul, which is why he constructed a crow proof
• 1:01:07
  suit of armor to protect him from the birds. Eventually,
• 1:01:11
  the crow hunger got to be too much. Saul needed
• 1:01:14
  a consistent supply of man made The cemetery was a
• 1:01:17
  solid start, but the Oregon drawer at the morgue was
• 1:01:20
  a source of even more.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: But you couldn't keep control of your carnivorous cloud of
• 1:01:24
  killer crows, could you? Saw your Frankenstein's monster went rogue
• 1:01:28
  and ate an innocent bird scientist bystander.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 9: That's where you went, Rome Dick. The crows and I
• 1:01:33
  have an understanding. They know that I am their friend, nay,
• 1:01:36
  their god, and they attack who and when I tell
• 1:01:40
  them to that lousy doctor Deadman was on to me.
• 1:01:43
  Started running test tracking the litter of crows in an
• 1:01:45
  effort to discover why they were behaving so unusually. That's
• 1:01:48
  why I lured him here to this place and ordered
• 1:01:51
  the crows to clean his bones, which is exactly what's
• 1:01:54
  going to happen to you.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: Well, it's a good thing I came prepared, you fool.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 9: Haven't you ever heard the expression never bring a gun
• 1:02:02
  to a crow fight?
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: Oh? This old thing, it's not a gun, it's a
• 1:02:07
  cat launcher.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 9: Is that It looks like your gun is out of ambo?
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: No, just got a cat jam. Hang on, let me
• 1:02:35
  smack the cat cartridge back into place.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 11: The crows they're retreating.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 5: You did it, Dick.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 11: Thank you for saving me.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: You're welcome. Ceci or should I say d D? What
• 1:02:54
  I ran into your sister Ceci at the Saint Simon Saloon?
• 1:02:57
  She told me everything.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 11: Oh I see what must have happened. That wasn't my sister, Ceci.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: It wasn't No, that was my sister d D.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 11: You see.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 3: D D has a bad habit of pretending to be me.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: Oh I see enough?
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 9: Have you too forgotten that I'm still here and I
• 1:03:14
  have a knife.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 11: Shoot him, Dick?
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 9: You're gunning cat launcher can't hurt me. I'm wearing a
• 1:03:19
  full body bulletproof suit.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: Of armor.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 9: Remember your bullets are useless here.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: Oh I was prepared for this, you see, Saul. Before
• 1:03:27
  I came here, I washed my car so and I
• 1:03:30
  sprung for the Ultra Premium Deluxe package, thus ensuring it
• 1:03:35
  would rain tonight, rendering the entire car wash moot. That's
• 1:03:39
  just Murphy's law. You can't argue with science.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 13: Water.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: No, No, I'm rusting rusting.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 13: What a world.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: This is literally a fake worse than death.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 11: You saved me ugain just doing my job.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 7: We'll take it from here, goons, take the night night
• 1:04:10
  and put him on the limo copter. He'll make an
• 1:04:13
  excellent addition to my statue room. Detective, I must thank
• 1:04:23
  you for solving this case.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: Don't forget our deal, Dubs.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 7: Don't worry. Mayor Maynard will no longer be a problem.
• 1:04:32
  Oh good, because he's dead. Wait what I told you?
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: I have a lot of pull in this town.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: You murdered Mayor Maynard.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 7: No, Detective, I didn't do it.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 3: D D.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: Dard Art did.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 7: She's already confessed to the crime, but rumor has it
• 1:04:52
  she's got to get out of jail free card. How fortunate.
• 1:04:56
  Don't you think everyone gets exactly what they wanted, which
• 1:05:02
  reminds me cc we saved you a seat.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: Surely you're not going with them.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 3: I have to He's my father, and don't call me Shirley.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: Wait, that doesn't make any sense. How's that supposed to work?
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 11: Well, you see my mother was adopted.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: Oh got it.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 3: I'll see you around and hey, don't be a stranger.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: That's it. That's how this episode.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 7: Ends, No detective, this is how the episode ends.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: The frost on my window was bright red when the
• 1:06:24
  phone rang. It could only mean one of two things.
• 1:06:29
  Either there was a particularly bloody crime scene on my doorstep,
• 1:06:33
  or the sun was setting on Noir City. There's nothing
• 1:06:37
  in this town quite like a sunset. The secret ingredient
• 1:06:40
  is smog makes the reds redder and forces every jaded
• 1:06:43
  soul in this black and white town to stop and
• 1:06:45
  look up. It hits you hard, remembering that there's something
• 1:06:49
  beautiful out there, even if it is ninety three million
• 1:06:51
  miles away. But let's face it, this is Noir City.
• 1:06:56
  So the crime scene on my doorstep was the likelier option,
• 1:07:00
  and honestly, it was the one I was hoping for,
• 1:07:02
  because where there's bloodshed, there's a good chance of running
• 1:07:05
  into Deed, Dardar or cc scarsguard the identical twin sisters
• 1:07:09
  who haunted my dreams those long winter nights, each one
• 1:07:12
  more marshally gifted and morally ambiguous than the other. For
• 1:07:15
  a long time, I hadn't trusted the whispers of my
• 1:07:17
  soul to anyone but Gunther, my strong and silent side arm.
• 1:07:21
  But as stoic as Gunther was lately, I could tell
• 1:07:23
  he was feeling like a third wheel, maybe even a
• 1:07:26
  fourth Anyway, By the time I thought all of that,
• 1:07:33
  the phone had rung seventeen times, seventeen the magic number.
• 1:07:40
  Richard back then, Sorry, who's this?
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 3: Tiki Tiki tar? Who seeky tark talk? Uh?
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: Could you spell that for me? I'm filling in some
• 1:07:52
  paperwork please.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 3: It's my mother. You've got to help her.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: She Hello.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 5: Hello, Your call has been ended by a paid interruption service.
• 1:08:07
  To hear about how you can access our services and
• 1:08:09
  always be first in line, Press one for great deals
• 1:08:13
  from our allies and accomplices. Press two to hear the
• 1:08:16
  message that's been sent to you.
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 3: Press nine. A body has.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 8: Been murder at the Bibulous Ballroom.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: During the Way of BT.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: Come quickly.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 5: Thank you for listening to your message. Was there a
• 1:08:40
  command or a strong suggestion in your message? If so,
• 1:08:44
  make sure.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: Bt Dubs the man who ran the businesses that ran
• 1:08:50
  the people who ran this town, and now he was
• 1:08:53
  giving me the run around. Not only was he about
• 1:08:56
  his trustworthy estates on a ski slope, he was also
• 1:08:58
  apparently CC's father, a thought that still confused me, since
• 1:09:02
  Ceci was supposedly Detie's identical twin sister, and I'd met
• 1:09:06
  doctor Dardar, the man who was supposedly Dete's father. I'm
• 1:09:10
  no botanical mathematician, but this family tree wasn't adding up.
• 1:09:14
  The woman on the line, whichever sister it was, might
• 1:09:16
  know the answer. I gave her a call back.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 5: Hello, your call has been prevented by a paid interruption service.
• 1:09:29
  If you listen closely to the message left for you,
• 1:09:31
  you'll sense a polite request. In order to foster connections
• 1:09:34
  and build community, we are preventing you from making further
• 1:09:37
  calls until this request is completed. If you'd like to
• 1:09:39
  hear your message again, please.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: Well, Buns, it looked like I had no choice. I
• 1:09:47
  left Gunther at home. Dove's ransom tight security. Anyway, Gunther
• 1:09:52
  doesn't do weddings. I went out in the street where
• 1:09:55
  the sun had finished setting, and I walked up hill
• 1:09:57
  against the wind. The bibulous ballroom was way uptown, the
• 1:10:10
  kind of place where the ceilings were high and the
• 1:10:12
  decoleetage was low. Not the type of digs I get
• 1:10:15
  invited to. But the badge opens all kinds of doors, Richard.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 7: I didn't expect to see you again so soon, but
• 1:10:22
  murders do have a way of bringing us together.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: Dubbs. My condolence is on the terrible coincidence. First your son,
• 1:10:29
  and now who's the unlucky stiff tonight? No one spoke,
• 1:10:34
  but their eyes gave away the game. There she was
• 1:10:37
  pretty in a bluish kind of way, all swaddled in white,
• 1:10:40
  like she'd fallen asleep in a snow drift. And coldest
• 1:10:43
  of all was the big piece of ice on her
• 1:10:45
  ring finger.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 7: My wife, Juliet, well you've just spoken our fowls when
• 1:10:51
  she collapsed.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: Gracious me. And it seems no one told the string quartet.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 7: Their contract dictates that they play as yours will dictate that.
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: You should you take the case.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: So it was you who called.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 7: Technically, the call was placed by an agent using a
• 1:11:05
  holding company through an untraceable proxy line. But I understand
• 1:11:09
  you're a quaint, working class use of verbs. Yes, it
• 1:11:12
  was I who placed the call, But while you were
• 1:11:16
  the first to arrive, in my mind you ought the
• 1:11:18
  first to arrive on the scene.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: He was right. Someone was crouched next to the body,
• 1:11:23
  and while the room was full of starch stodgy standabouts,
• 1:11:26
  this fellow had an evidence gathering look about him. His
• 1:11:28
  face was familiar. I stole a look at his name tag. Seriously,
• 1:11:32
  what kind of sicko names their child FAQ, Hello, detective.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 5: It stands for Francis Albert Quitely my parents for jazz fans.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: Huh. I guess that monologue wasn't as internal as I thought. Well,
• 1:11:43
  whatever his name was, he was a witness, so he
• 1:11:45
  was about to be frequently asked questions.
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 5: Now that's why I'm here. I'm a crime scene tech
• 1:11:49
  and we've met more times than I can count. Anyway,
• 1:11:52
  what did you want to know?
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: Just a regular tech?
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 6: Huh?
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: Seems like you got to the scene awfully fast.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 5: I was actually already here. Crime scene work it gives
• 1:12:00
  you lots of practice with a camera, So I've got
• 1:12:02
  a side hustle doing wedding photography. Think this one might
• 1:12:05
  be my big break.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 14: Take a look.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 5: I'd just gotten the focus on her when she fell.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: Hmmm. I wouldn't have admitted it to him, but these
• 1:12:12
  were the most beautifully composed crime scene photos I'd ever seen.
• 1:12:15
  Thank you seriously. Rule of thirds deep, the field, the
• 1:12:19
  way the red satin on the altar matched the drop
• 1:12:21
  of blood on the bouquet.
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 5: Yes, as you can see, there is blood on the bouquet,
• 1:12:25
  which comes from a tiny prick on her finger. And
• 1:12:27
  we can see the thorn that's responsible right here, my guess,
• 1:12:30
  is a poisonous plant. It seems like whoever arranged these
• 1:12:33
  flowers was also trying to arrange her death.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: Run those off to the department. Not often that we
• 1:12:38
  get wedding photos as evidence, but who knows. Maybe they'll
• 1:12:40
  offer you a job.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 5: We'll do, detective, And here take my card in case
• 1:12:44
  you ever decide to get married.
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 7: Well, well, nary it rose without its thorn.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: I suppose indeed, who did the flowers for this wedding?
• 1:12:53
  Looks like we'll be sending them a flower arraignment.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 7: That I make a point of leaving to the bride
• 1:12:58
  to be and attach a strange significance to flowers. Although hmm,
• 1:13:04
  bring that bouquet closer, I've never seen that particular bloom well, detective,
• 1:13:11
  it seems we may have two crimes.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: I suspect no.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 7: Our city may have laws against murder, but I know
• 1:13:16
  for a fact that importing poisonous plants is a serious offense.
• 1:13:21
  And rumor has her that the new mayor is on
• 1:13:23
  a particular crusade against poachers.
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: So Dub's new poisonous plants weird, But no surprise that
• 1:13:29
  he had the mayor's agenda on the tip of his tongue.
• 1:13:32
  Everyone knew Dubbs was the local king maker.
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 7: Oh contrere Dick. I am a mere mayor maker. And
• 1:13:38
  after the murder of our wayward mayor Maynard, what could
• 1:13:40
  I do for my city but endorse a replacement alas
• 1:13:44
  if the new one dies in the next few days,
• 1:13:47
  he'll have to be replaced by some other more electoral
• 1:13:50
  means I have a honeymoon to attend.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: You're still going on your honeymoon, of course.
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 7: Honeymoons are about relishing the sweetness of life, and it
• 1:14:00
  makes life sweeter than knowing you nearly lost it. Times
• 1:14:03
  like this call for a return to the simple pleasures.
• 1:14:06
  So I'm making a restorative visit to one of my properties,
• 1:14:09
  some large island right between the Pacific and the Atlantic.
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 2: I forget the name.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: Wait before you go, did your wife have any enemies?
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 7: My dear Juliet, she was loved by everyone in the world. I,
• 1:14:22
  on the other hand, am deeply leveraged in enemies. And
• 1:14:26
  when we spoke our vows, what was mine became hers.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: Anything we could learn from your past wives.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 7: M past wives are something I've never believed in.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: Don't play cute dubs. I've met your daughters, and I'll
• 1:14:38
  just say they both make a lot more sense that
• 1:14:40
  their mother went through an assassination attempter too.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 7: Ah, so you've taken an interest in DD and or CC.
• 1:14:47
  Did they give you the line about being identical twins?
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: What else could they be?
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 7: But you were asking about their mothers. This may not
• 1:14:54
  be easy for you to understand.
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 2: Dick.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 7: I suspect you and I look for different qualities in
• 1:14:58
  an ex wife. You do have an ex wife, don't you.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: He wasn't wrong. I had more exes than a Tic
• 1:15:04
  tac toe tournament, but I wasn't going to give him
• 1:15:07
  the pleasure of saying.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: So, yes, I thought so.
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 7: Tell me, when your past marriages fell apart, did you
• 1:15:12
  swear to yourself that you'd learned your lesson and you'd
• 1:15:15
  find a different sort of woman next time. That's what
• 1:15:18
  most men do. But I have learned through experience and
• 1:15:23
  introspection that the qualities I seek in a companion are
• 1:15:26
  simple and unchanging, and they appear in the brief springtime
• 1:15:29
  of a woman's life. And when I see those traits,
• 1:15:33
  I marry them. If the results are more or less
• 1:15:36
  the same each time. Well, the same could be said
• 1:15:38
  of eating.
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: I don't understand I.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 7: Was making a comparison between marriage and the digestive.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: I understood that, But I asked you whether your wives
• 1:15:46
  had faced danger, and you told me about how you
• 1:15:48
  pick them.
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 7: Yes, you pride, Dick. I can see that your interest
• 1:15:53
  in my family isn't strictly professional, and you might persist
• 1:15:56
  in asking questions that aren't your concern. So it's important
• 1:15:59
  that you know how things began and how they ended.
• 1:16:02
  It may help you take the stories you'll hear with
• 1:16:05
  a grain of salt. And now I'm afraid we're out
• 1:16:08
  of time. The chauffeur of my limocopter does like to
• 1:16:11
  keep tight timetable.
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 8: Chief Dick, I've got a case for you. There was
• 1:16:22
  a murder tonight at the Bibulous Ballroom.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: Already on it.
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 6: Weird, but all right.
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 8: I need you to collect the bouquet and bring it
• 1:16:29
  to the coroner's office. Morgan Jordan will take some cell
• 1:16:32
  samples and determine what species we're dealing with.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: The bride wasn't human.
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 8: Whoa Dick, Take that bullet out of your chamber. You're
• 1:16:42
  not on the murder, You're on the plant poaching case.
• 1:16:45
  Special request from the mayor.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 1: Conflabb it.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 10: Chief.
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 1: He only said that because I ticked off Dubbs by
• 1:16:50
  asking too many questions. Asking invasive questions is one of
• 1:16:53
  the department's core values. I need someone to back me
• 1:16:56
  up when these ten minute, ten pop mayors get on
• 1:16:57
  a power trip.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 8: Dick, You and I are just pawns in this house
• 1:17:01
  of cards, and the dominoes are starting to fall. The
• 1:17:04
  FEDS are on this one. They take this stuff seriously,
• 1:17:08
  the Feds.
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: I didn't know much beyond the Noir City powers that be,
• 1:17:12
  but word on the street was that somewhere out there
• 1:17:14
  were powers that be even higher and their will was
• 1:17:17
  executed by the Feds. I barely believed in the things,
• 1:17:21
  but here was the Chief telling me the Boogeyman was real.
• 1:17:25
  All right, Chief, your hands are tied.
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 6: I get it.
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: Doesn't mean I have to like it. I hung up
• 1:17:31
  and headed outside. The snow had stopped, not a footprint
• 1:17:34
  to be seen. For second. It was like I had
• 1:17:37
  this whole god forsaken city to myself. Then I saw
• 1:17:40
  a glint of light and realized I wasn't alone. A
• 1:17:43
  figure had stepped out of the shadows without making a sound.
• 1:17:46
  When she saw it was me, she tucked her stiletto
• 1:17:49
  back into her Swiss army ball gown and walked my way.
• 1:17:53
  Dick csided, whoever you are, how your mother?
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 3: What an unexpected and surprisingly unflirtatious question, especially when I've
• 1:18:06
  spent all night attending my father's wedding.
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I guess I must have missed my invitation.
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 12: No plus one for me.
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 1: I was working working eh you make cakes on the side.
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 3: Private security Dubbs is looking for a new contractor, decided
• 1:18:23
  to make tonight a trial run. I offed a few assassins,
• 1:18:26
  but the poisoned flowers got past me, so I'm back
• 1:18:30
  at square one, all dressed up with no one to kill.
• 1:18:34
  But I didn't emerge from the shadows to talk about me.
• 1:18:38
  I'm here to convince you to investigate the murder. No
• 1:18:41
  can do.
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: Talk to the other detectives at the office.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 3: I did, and they're all double cast and other roles. Anyway,
• 1:18:48
  I know you saw the crime scene. I happened to
• 1:18:51
  be strolling through a nearby air duct and couldn't help
• 1:18:54
  overhearing your conversation with my father.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: Then you know I'm already on a case. Someone's importing
• 1:19:00
  poisonous plants into Noir City, and the only thing I
• 1:19:03
  like poached is my eggs.
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 3: I would have thought you liked your eggs hard boiled.
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: Why you know?
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 12: Detectives?
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 3: Oh maybe I was wrong, Maybe you're nothing but a
• 1:19:17
  customs officer.
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: Listen to it's you ever hear of broken windows policing?
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 3: Oh? Do go on? I love it when a man
• 1:19:24
  explains forensic psychology.
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 1: It's the idea that little crimes are a slippery slope
• 1:19:30
  to the nasty stuff. Folks see their neighbors breaking windows
• 1:19:33
  and poaching plants without consequences, they start to think they
• 1:19:36
  live in a lawless world. The next thing, you know,
• 1:19:38
  you've got burglaries and pre marital cohabitation and murder and murder.
• 1:19:44
  And sometimes the best thing a cop can do isn't
• 1:19:47
  solving the last murder, it's preventing the next one, one
• 1:19:50
  illegally imported plant at a time.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 3: Well, since you've devoted that prodigious mind of yours to
• 1:19:56
  the plant poaching case, I assume you've spotted the message
• 1:20:00
  in the flowers?
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: What message?
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 12: Every flower has a meaning?
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 3: Wedding bouquets usually have red roses for love and white
• 1:20:10
  lilies for purity. But what have we here Apart from
• 1:20:15
  the poison flower? There's anemone for abandonment, Camo mile for money,
• 1:20:20
  blue rose for hopelessness, poppy for death, all in all
• 1:20:25
  one ugly wedding bouquet.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 12: But the message is clear.
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 3: Someone is asking, no begging for help, and mothers teach
• 1:20:34
  their daughters these meanings in secret. So whoever did this
• 1:20:38
  wanted to make sure no man understood the message.
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 1: Do you think the bride knew she was in danger?
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 12: It makes you wonder, doesn't it?
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 3: One more thing? Dick, be careful around my father. He's
• 1:20:54
  got his thumbs in more pies than you can imagine.
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 1: He must have some sticky fingerprints.
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 3: Nothing sticks to him, not even blood. If not for
• 1:21:05
  my black belt and Brazilian jiu jitsu, I wouldn't trust
• 1:21:09
  him any further than I could throw him.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: Speaking of secrets, Dubbs said, you and your sister aren't
• 1:21:14
  identical twins. Is it true?
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 3: It's true d d and I are the daughters of
• 1:21:19
  different dames. But how if you want to understand, it's
• 1:21:23
  time you met my mother. You're looking for a cute
• 1:21:27
  little house at one oh one Peril Parkway in Pilfering Pines.
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: Pilfering Pines, that's in the suburbs.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 3: Mother wanted to get out of this town to someplace
• 1:21:36
  quiet and green. When they met, Dubbs happened to be
• 1:21:40
  breaking ground on just such a place. The name was
• 1:21:43
  a little joke, make it sound dangerous, so anyone who
• 1:21:47
  wasn't in the know would stay away.
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 12: He and mother used to laugh about it.
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 1: I'll think about it, but for now I'm.
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 3: On the clock, I'm sure, and it's ticking.
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: And then she was going on, leaving me alone with
• 1:22:01
  my itching brain. The next step was clear. It was
• 1:22:14
  time to call that jazz singer who gave me his
• 1:22:16
  business card back at Doubs's wedding. Hello, Hey, you listen,
• 1:22:23
  I need a favor. Those wedding photos who showed me earlier.
• 1:22:26
  Can you compare them with the publicly available photos of
• 1:22:28
  Doves's past wives.
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 5: I can do you one better if you check out
• 1:22:31
  the Instagram handle on my card. I keep my whole
• 1:22:34
  portfolio on there.
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 1: I'm not looking to hire anyone right now.
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 5: No, what I mean is I have photos there of
• 1:22:40
  all of Dubs's wives. I photographed all of his weddings,
• 1:22:43
  all of them.
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 1: Didn't you say this one was your big break?
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 5: So far, he's never actually paid me. But I bought
• 1:22:50
  some new lights that really make things go pop, So
• 1:22:52
  I think this might be the year. And hey, while
• 1:22:54
  you're in there, if you can hit like on the
• 1:22:56
  latest photos, it might really help persuade.
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: No, our city is a rough town. But that conversation
• 1:23:03
  was more depressing than I could put up with. Fortunately,
• 1:23:06
  his Hinstagram seemed a lot more optimistic and successful. I
• 1:23:09
  scrolled through it from one wedding shoot to the next,
• 1:23:11
  Doves's voice echoing in my mind.
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 7: The qualities I seek in a companion are simple and unchanging,
• 1:23:18
  and they appear in the brief springtime.
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 1: Of a woman's life, Dubbs had identical wives. Even as
• 1:23:29
  things were coming together, they made less sense than ever.
• 1:23:31
  But for now, all roads led to the coroner's office.
• 1:23:34
  I hoofed it there, Morgan Jordan, The man in charge
• 1:23:37
  was waiting up. Morgan Jordan, you're working late.
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 14: Good evening slash morning, Richard. The underwork works overtime man,
• 1:23:45
  so must we.
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 1: Good thing. Minds like ours aren't dulled by sleeplessness or overwork.
• 1:23:49
  If anything, going without rest only makes me more alert
• 1:23:52
  to the city's constant dangers.
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 14: I myself suffer a bit of a short term memory loss,
• 1:23:57
  but I'm proud to say my scappelhand is actually hi
• 1:24:00
  on no sleep and four pots of coffee.
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 1: Still, no matter how steady the hand, it seems rude
• 1:24:07
  to chop up a woman on her wedding night.
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 14: Oh, the body hasn't arrived yet. Things don't move according
• 1:24:13
  to the convenience of the plot, you know, except when
• 1:24:16
  they do, Except when they do. But there's good news.
• 1:24:20
  I might not be able to autopsye the victim, but
• 1:24:23
  I can autopsy the suspect.
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: The suspect. Doctor Morgan Jordan approached me slowly raising the
• 1:24:29
  scalpel in his hand. My defensive instincts took over. I
• 1:24:32
  assumed my most intimidating stance and raised the wedding bouquet.
• 1:24:35
  Not much of a weapon, but it already had one
• 1:24:37
  kill to its name.
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 14: Ah, thank you, dejective. I'll take that. You make a
• 1:24:42
  very fetching flower.
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 2: Go one day.
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: No, I wasn't.
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 14: That was Let's get down to business. Very interesting. I
• 1:24:52
  see damage consistent with a scalpel injury.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 2: What's this in my hand?
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 7: Where am i?
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 14: I beg your pardon. On examination of the poison flower,
• 1:25:04
  I can only draw one conclusion. This is a completely
• 1:25:08
  new species.
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 1: You sound awfully confident, Richard.
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 14: You may know Morgen Jordan, the Morgman who hoards organs
• 1:25:14
  and drawers, but would be floored if I swore I'd
• 1:25:16
  been awarded the Order of the Orchid.
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry what.
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 14: I've been a collector of rare plants for years. It's
• 1:25:24
  why the Chief sent you my way, and it's the
• 1:25:27
  rarest privilege in the life of an enthusiast like myself
• 1:25:30
  to be able to name a new species. I hereby
• 1:25:33
  name it Exhorta Morgan George.
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 1: Can we just call it wedding weed and be done
• 1:25:37
  with it?
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 2: Wedding weed?
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 3: So be it.
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 14: It is practically a weed. Members of this family appear
• 1:25:44
  all over the world, but this one is the first
• 1:25:47
  day of all poison thorns. It may have sprung forth anywhere,
• 1:25:50
  but the species most like it is native to an Arctica.
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: Things grow in Antarctica.
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 14: Oh, just northern Antarctica, of course. But if you want
• 1:26:02
  to know where this came from, it's where I would
• 1:26:04
  focus my studies. Meanwhile, I'll analyze the poison. Maybe it
• 1:26:10
  will need naming.
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 8: Dick, I regret giving you my personal number.
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: Listen, Chief about the poaching case. The trail is cold,
• 1:26:21
  really cold. But I've got a tip about the murder.
• 1:26:24
  I'm going out to the suburbs, Dick.
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 8: It's one thing for you to go rogue and pursue
• 1:26:28
  a case on your own, that I expect. But now
• 1:26:31
  you're talking about leaving Noir City. We've got no jurisdiction
• 1:26:35
  in the suburbs. Your badge might as well be a
• 1:26:37
  seatbelt for all the good it'll do you. And there
• 1:26:40
  are things out there, the Feds, Border Patrol, Supreme courts,
• 1:26:45
  things that don't bear mentioning you're signing yourself up for
• 1:26:48
  a complicated world.
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: I understand this is off the clock and off the record.
• 1:26:53
  If I get in trouble, I won't expect backup. So
• 1:27:01
  there I was on the road to the suburbs. No badge,
• 1:27:04
  no gun, just a man his sixty four olds mobile
• 1:27:08
  and a mission on behalf of a woman he barely knew.
• 1:27:18
  As I weaved my way toward one oh one Peril Parkway,
• 1:27:21
  I couldn't help imagining Ceci as a kid growing up
• 1:27:24
  in some subdivision where they have Easter egg hunts every
• 1:27:27
  day of the year. And then I came to the address.
• 1:27:35
  Something was wrong. It looked like I'd never left more City.
• 1:27:39
  At one oh one Peril Parkway stood a rickety tenement
• 1:27:42
  building like a skull with missing teeth.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 3: Dick, how is it going put any botanists behind bars?
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: You jerked my leash. Cec You told me there was
• 1:27:55
  a cute little house.
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 3: I said, you're looking for a cute little house. I
• 1:28:00
  didn't say you'd find it. Gubbs offered my mother a dream,
• 1:28:05
  and she followed him there. They had two or three
• 1:28:08
  kids and a dog before the family went nuclear. He
• 1:28:12
  left us and once he didn't live there, he realized
• 1:28:15
  there were more profitable uses for the land. One night,
• 1:28:19
  I went to sleep in a peaceful ranch house built
• 1:28:22
  over a waterfall. The next morning I woke up in
• 1:28:26
  a smoky high rise with a leaky septic tank.
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 1: And so began a life in the city. What about
• 1:28:34
  your mother, She never left.
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 3: You'll find her down the street at a bar called
• 1:28:39
  the Wild Goose.
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 1: Watch your back. Things are getting serious. The Feds are
• 1:28:45
  on this one.
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 3: Well, we'll just have to keep ahead of them. I'm
• 1:28:49
  on my way.
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 1: I followed Ceci's directions through unfamiliar streets, even snower than
• 1:28:55
  the ones i'd left. The bar was the kind of
• 1:28:57
  joint I would have steered clear of in town. But
• 1:28:59
  at this point I would have walked into hell if
• 1:29:01
  they'd let me warm up my hands. Inside, I saw
• 1:29:06
  a familiar face.
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 15: Bart Well, shut your mouth and keep on talking. Never
• 1:29:13
  thought i'd see your kind in the suburbs. What do
• 1:29:16
  you mean, my kind, Well, Dick, as you can see,
• 1:29:20
  there's a variety of shady individuals standing in earshot. So
• 1:29:24
  rather than endanger you with explicit terminology on speaking in euphemisms.
• 1:29:30
  It is not often we see in detective day in
• 1:29:34
  these parts. In that case, I appreciate the pig latin. Incidentally,
• 1:29:38
  do you know how to make a pig latin?
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 6: Miss Kyle, limejuice and bacon bits.
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 1: Lay it on me here, keep the change, and cc
• 1:29:50
  Scar's guard sends her regards. She asked me to swing
• 1:29:53
  by with a message for her mother. Mind pointing me
• 1:29:55
  in the right direction.
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 6: You found all right right over there.
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 1: I looked across the room. There on the wall was
• 1:30:01
  a faded old photo, tacked up without a frame, and
• 1:30:05
  just underneath it a shelf with an urn.
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 6: That's all that's left of her.
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 1: All that's left. She's got no grave, a grave.
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 6: In this economy.
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 15: No, she didn't have a penny to a name, earn
• 1:30:18
  her drink, sweeping and washing dishes, a regular to the
• 1:30:21
  last day, little too much of a regular, died halfway
• 1:30:25
  through a drink I made her. Folks used to leave
• 1:30:28
  offerings by the urn, but nowadays she's mostly just a
• 1:30:31
  hashstand beats unemployment anyway.
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 1: Thanks bart, excuse me while I pay my respects. I
• 1:30:39
  crossed the room to get a closer look at the photo.
• 1:30:41
  Sure enough, she was the spitting image of the bride.
• 1:30:43
  I'd seen earlier that night, a little worse for wear,
• 1:30:46
  but still with some hope in her eyes, pinned up
• 1:30:48
  around the photo, where a few notes scribbled on the
• 1:30:50
  backs of business cards, and a few odds and ends
• 1:30:53
  squeezed in among the drinks the crowd of the urn.
• 1:30:55
  I guess I must have gotten absorbed in it one
• 1:30:57
  way or another. I left my back exposed.
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 2: Well, if it isn't the one and only Dick Fective.
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 1: Solomon, sake, what the dot dot dash dot are you
• 1:31:07
  doing here?
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 2: I could ask you the same thing, Dick, only with
• 1:31:10
  a question mark and an exclamation mark. We're a long
• 1:31:14
  way from your turf.
• 1:31:15
  Speaker 1: Listen, Soke. I'm up way past my bedtime. So if
• 1:31:18
  you don't want to start something, I suggest you keep
• 1:31:21
  your voice low and your punctuation tasteful. Of all the
• 1:31:25
  signs of decline and desperation in these parts, Soke was
• 1:31:28
  the loudest and the clearest. I knew Solomon as a
• 1:31:31
  fixture of the criminal under city, and right now this
• 1:31:33
  particular suburb was living up to its etymology.
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 2: You shouldn't be here, Dick. The suburbs are a delicate ecosystem,
• 1:31:41
  and you're an invasive species. You're gonna get people hurt.
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not here to press any buttons. I'm on a
• 1:31:47
  mission from our mutual friend CC Scarsguard.
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 2: Cc scars Guard. Eh, that little sniffer of brandy, she's
• 1:31:54
  got you running her errands in the suburbs.
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 1: I was looking for her mother. Didn't know what I'd find.
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 2: Poor dame deserved better.
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 1: You knew her.
• 1:32:05
  Speaker 2: I was at a funeral, mind you, for years before that.
• 1:32:09
  Being around her was like one long eulogy. Never got ever,
• 1:32:12
  how bad he treated her.
• 1:32:14
  Speaker 1: He dugs, keep your voice down.
• 1:32:17
  Speaker 2: Around here. They call him the octopus, because no matter
• 1:32:21
  which way you look, his tentacles are already there.
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 1: So what did he do to her?
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 2: No telling. If you ask questions, she just said she
• 1:32:28
  did what she had to whatever it was. All it
• 1:32:31
  got her is this little shrine. I donated one of
• 1:32:35
  my old baseball trophies. Might as well put all my
• 1:32:38
  memories at better times in one place.
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 1: Never knew you to be a reminiscing man.
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 2: Sakeye doesn't come naturally, but that's what we do as sakyees.
• 1:32:48
  We swim upstream. As for you, I can guess what
• 1:32:51
  you're after. To find it, you're gonna have to keep
• 1:32:54
  heading down the road. You can't learn this story without
• 1:32:58
  becoming a part of it.
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 1: Was obviously the last line of a scene, so I
• 1:33:02
  walked off without responding. I called Ceci on the way
• 1:33:09
  back to the car.
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 3: Well, did dear old mother fill you in?
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 1: I didn't get the honor of meeting her, but her
• 1:33:16
  friends painted quite the picture. Everyone's looking forward to seeing
• 1:33:19
  her again one day.
• 1:33:21
  Speaker 3: That's sweet of you, Dick, But my mother was no saint.
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 1: They never are. Doesn't mean we don't miss them. Mine's
• 1:33:28
  been in the clink for a while now, but every
• 1:33:30
  week I send her a letter in an interest payment.
• 1:33:32
  Her rates may be high, but I'll always appreciate that
• 1:33:34
  she gave me the friends and family discount.
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 3: Every kid thinks their mother is one of a kind,
• 1:33:39
  but I know better. She's not the only wife to
• 1:33:42
  get the Dubs treatment, or.
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 1: The only daughter. Ceci. I've seen pictures of your I
• 1:33:47
  don't know step ex mothers, but you, indeedy did Dubs
• 1:33:52
  contribute the same genetic material both times?
• 1:33:56
  Speaker 3: What can I say?
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 11: He is a businessman?
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 1: Are there more of you?
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 12: I'm afraid?
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 3: So when Dubbs got tired of one wife, one suburb,
• 1:34:06
  one novelty who moved on and tried the same thing again.
• 1:34:10
  I couldn't tell you how many of us there are.
• 1:34:13
  Speaker 1: Jeez, this plot is giving me vertigo.
• 1:34:16
  Speaker 3: Well hold on tight, detective, because I'm about to spin
• 1:34:19
  you another tale. It may be too late for my mother,
• 1:34:23
  but rumor has it that one of his ex wives
• 1:34:26
  is still living somewhere along that road.
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: Has this been your game all along, making up for
• 1:34:32
  the past by trying to discover some other mother who
• 1:34:34
  didn't suffer?
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 3: What if it is? Someone told me it was part
• 1:34:38
  of a CoP's job to prevent the next murder.
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 1: No such thing as a cup in these parts. And
• 1:34:45
  I don't know what you want me to do with Dubs.
• 1:34:47
  Maybe it's his fault. Your mother drank herself to death.
• 1:34:49
  But as far as I know, being a son of
• 1:34:51
  a bitch isn't illegal.
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 3: No, it isn't. But even a pro like Dubbs slips
• 1:34:56
  up sometimes. Don't tell me you didn't find any leads.
• 1:35:00
  Speaker 1: Solomon Soak told me to head down the road the best.
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 3: Get going, Dick. The Feds are coming in long distance,
• 1:35:06
  Saint Sheep. Try two to oh one larceny lane in
• 1:35:09
  Outlaw Oaks, I hear there's a lovely children's museum. So
• 1:35:15
  on I went.
• 1:35:23
  Speaker 1: The road went on, The snow got thicker, and the
• 1:35:26
  sprawl never paused for a breath. As I pulled up
• 1:35:31
  to the address Ceci gave me, I thought I glimpsed
• 1:35:33
  a tree, But it was just a street light mangled
• 1:35:36
  by a car, and behind it another rundown tenement, like
• 1:35:39
  a headstone covered in bullet holes. No need to bother CEC.
• 1:35:44
  Speaker 3: This time.
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 1: I scanned the block for saloon doors and made my
• 1:35:47
  way into a joint called the Cold Suck. Whoa bart?
• 1:35:52
  Am I seeing double?
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 6: Hey, Dick, Yeah, I'm working a double.
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 1: Well, let's make it doubles all around. Do you know
• 1:35:59
  how to make a death in the afternoon?
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 6: Champaign, absinthe and pretentiousness.
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 1: That's the stuff I'll cut to the chase bart CC
• 1:36:08
  Scarsguard sent me this way. Seems like I can learn
• 1:36:10
  something else about her mother.
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 15: Here, CZ scars Guard, we just talked about her. I
• 1:36:16
  talk to a lot of people and I don't get
• 1:36:19
  much sleep. Gives me short term memory loss. Who is
• 1:36:22
  it we talking about?
• 1:36:23
  Speaker 1: CC? Scarsguard Hitchcock, blonde, sultry voice, not to be screwed with?
• 1:36:28
  Speaker 15: Oh, you must have heard her name wrong. That's d
• 1:36:33
  d dar Dar. Everyone knows her. Grew up in the neighborhood,
• 1:36:38
  fell on hard times, landing on her feet. Her mother
• 1:36:41
  wasn't so lucky. She used to be a regular.
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 1: Here any idea where I can find her?
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 2: Dick? What in the wide world brings you to outlaws?
• 1:36:50
  Speaker 1: Solomon? Did you follow me?
• 1:36:51
  Speaker 13: Here?
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 2: Me follow you? Don't make me laugh, although chances are
• 1:36:56
  that someone did.
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 1: Cut the sinister implications sake. I'm here on behalf of
• 1:37:01
  DeeDee Dardar.
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 2: I guess dede daughter, eh, not a little cartridge of gunpowder.
• 1:37:06
  Long time since she lived in these parts, so I hear?
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 1: Is her mother still around?
• 1:37:13
  Speaker 2: Not for a while now. She's a hard drinking woman.
• 1:37:16
  But she got her act together, got a job managed
• 1:37:18
  in that tenement down the street. Real bootstrap story. There's
• 1:37:22
  always a monkey on her back. She took a dive
• 1:37:25
  off the roof of that very building. Sad funeral, even
• 1:37:28
  as funerals go typical umbrellas in their ain affair, Except
• 1:37:32
  its just me holding multiple umbrellas to make it look
• 1:37:36
  more crowded than it was.
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 1: And all that happened because of how dubsh We call.
• 1:37:41
  Speaker 2: Them the loctopus because now I know which way you run,
• 1:37:44
  you won't find an open door.
• 1:37:49
  Speaker 1: Ceci. Same story in Outlaw Oaks, Deedee's mother slipped the
• 1:37:52
  noose once. Sounds like she ended up working for Dubs.
• 1:37:55
  Speaker 3: Can't be helped. He's the only game in town. Let
• 1:37:59
  me guess death of despair, but coincidentally at the place
• 1:38:02
  where she.
• 1:38:03
  Speaker 1: Worked, I'll be I've heard of daughters finishing their father sentences.
• 1:38:07
  Didn't know it extended to death sentences.
• 1:38:10
  Speaker 3: Mine likes to repeat himself. Maybe Dedee's mother knew what
• 1:38:14
  she was in for, danced a little faster than mine did.
• 1:38:18
  But Dubbs was always the one calling the steps. Keep driving,
• 1:38:22
  you're headed for three oh one Ambush Avenue in the
• 1:38:25
  Felony FIG's development.
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 1: There's a rule of trees with these names.
• 1:38:28
  Speaker 3: Get going, Dick, I'm right behind you.
• 1:38:35
  Speaker 1: A long road barely visible through the snow, a tenement
• 1:38:42
  like a cliff covered in vulture nests. A bar down
• 1:38:45
  the street called the Last Leg Bart. You must have
• 1:38:49
  really hustled to get here ahead of me.
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 6: Oh yeah, Dick, I'm always hustling tonight, I'm working a tripple.
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 1: Speaking of do you know how to make a beloneous drunk.
• 1:38:57
  Speaker 6: Tequila, Tequila and tequila. You're looking for a feefe.
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 2: Farquhar, That little X on a treasure map. Her mother,
• 1:39:06
  poor dame, had a devil on her shoulder, got herself
• 1:39:08
  a job as a super endly to get caught in
• 1:39:10
  the building during a fire. Real bad luck. Dubs sh
• 1:39:14
  We call him the gloctopose because no matter which way
• 1:39:16
  you run, you'll get a bullet in your back.
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 3: Borow one way, lay way in Hooligan Hill.
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 1: Long road, snow and one drink too many. Good thing.
• 1:39:25
  I was top of my impaired driving class and police academy.
• 1:39:30
  A tenement like a wound with poison ivy.
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 6: Hey Dick, I'm working on quadrope.
• 1:39:35
  Speaker 1: Do you know how to make a walk of shame?
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 6: Harverd grounds, vodka and sand Mimi mars bar.
• 1:39:40
  Speaker 2: Tough little cookie. Her mother albatross around her neck.
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 1: She was stabbed during a mugging gone.
• 1:39:46
  Speaker 3: Wrong, wrong place, at the wrong time.
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 1: How many of these are there?
• 1:39:50
  Speaker 3: You haven't reached escape philosophy at five oh one trepidation
• 1:39:55
  tree on and on.
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 1: The road is winding, which is just as well because
• 1:39:58
  I can't drive straight. At least I'm the only coup
• 1:40:01
  for miles. Who could arrest myself?
• 1:40:03
  Speaker 6: How do you make a living time money in prayer?
• 1:40:07
  You're looking for he he har har?
• 1:40:08
  Speaker 2: Who sent you here?
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 1: You sent me to find you? Who sent me to
• 1:40:12
  find you? Who sent me to find you?
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that sounds like something I do.
• 1:40:17
  Speaker 1: She was killed by poisonous ink on a contract.
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 3: Thinks so one disquiet and crescent and the causa nostral development.
• 1:40:24
  Speaker 1: Keep driving. Something runs in front of the car. I
• 1:40:26
  mix up the gas in the brakes. I get a
• 1:40:28
  glimpse in the rear view scales and paws.
• 1:40:31
  Speaker 13: Keep driving.
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 6: Blood's waiting tears.
• 1:40:35
  Speaker 2: Pick that kneel in a haystack right behind you?
• 1:40:39
  Speaker 1: Nine nine nine nine nine nine nine, Keep.
• 1:40:42
  Speaker 15: Driving nine nine.
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 1: I opened my eyes and tried to figure figure out
• 1:41:00
  what had happened. Evidence suggested that my ride had fallen
• 1:41:03
  asleep in a snow drift. Still nighttime, or maybe nighttime again,
• 1:41:08
  but bright curtains and waves of color lit up the
• 1:41:10
  sky overhead. I sat up to get the lay of
• 1:41:13
  the land. Not like any suburb I'd ever seen. It
• 1:41:16
  was snow drifts around us as far as I could see,
• 1:41:19
  with one speck of darkness in the distance. I piled
• 1:41:22
  on a few spare trench coats and set off. The
• 1:41:25
  speck grew and resolved a greenhouse someplace warm anyway closer still,
• 1:41:31
  I could see steam rising from the place. All of
• 1:41:33
  the windows were broken. Outside the door stood a familiar
• 1:41:36
  figure holding a sheet of paper.
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 6: Bart, Dick, you here looking for a job. I'm sorry,
• 1:41:44
  this place has changed hands. I brought my resume. Hopefully
• 1:41:48
  a few hundred different mixing noises will get my foot
• 1:41:50
  in the door.
• 1:41:51
  Speaker 1: This is going to be a bar.
• 1:41:53
  Speaker 6: Nothing stays anything long in the suburbs.
• 1:41:57
  Speaker 1: A wave of heat washed out of the front door
• 1:41:59
  and smoke or placed the steam. I stepped inside. All
• 1:42:02
  over that greenhouse orchids and Bond's eyes were on fire.
• 1:42:06
  A figure with a flamethrower turned and raised its visor. Sake,
• 1:42:10
  what are you.
• 1:42:11
  Speaker 12: Doing, Dick.
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 2: I'm on the job. I was hired by the Hostage
• 1:42:16
  Hills Development to provide cremation services. I'm known for being
• 1:42:19
  first on the side and for having the clumsiest suggar
• 1:42:22
  finger in the industry. Innocent objects left lying around near
• 1:42:25
  the target inevitably get damaged beyond repair. I've got nothing
• 1:42:30
  but five star reviews. You can find me in the
• 1:42:32
  red pages under blackened by a sakey.
• 1:42:36
  Speaker 1: I see, And what would be the target this time?
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 2: Why the dearly departed?
• 1:42:41
  Speaker 1: Of course, it took me a second to locate the
• 1:42:44
  flamingest part of the room, But at its blue heart
• 1:42:47
  was a body lying in state, not a recognizable feature left.
• 1:42:51
  Speaker 2: How did she die from a serious and incurable case
• 1:42:54
  of bullet holes? The fed shot off the place just
• 1:42:57
  before you arrived. It seems like had been on the
• 1:43:00
  hunt for a while illegal trafficking and poisonous plants serious charge,
• 1:43:06
  and then in.
• 1:43:06
  Speaker 1: You came to make sure her past died with her future.
• 1:43:10
  I assume you'll be waiting to shed your tears once
• 1:43:12
  you're off the clock. Time is money, after all.
• 1:43:14
  Speaker 2: Spare me the sermon, detective. She was a good dame,
• 1:43:18
  but she did what she had to do to get by,
• 1:43:20
  and so did I. But you you just let them
• 1:43:24
  hear pro bono.
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 1: Don't make me out to be some kind of double agent, sokeye,
• 1:43:28
  I came here to help.
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 2: Doesn't matter what you wanted, dick. Everyone knows moles are blind.
• 1:43:33
  But hey, before you get into some really morally self
• 1:43:36
  indulgent narration, you might be happy to know that my
• 1:43:39
  trigger finger wasn't in top form today. It missed something
• 1:43:43
  a little souvenir.
• 1:43:45
  Speaker 1: Solomon passed me a piece of paper an order for
• 1:43:48
  him for flowers for a wedding in Noir City. In
• 1:43:50
  the special requests section explicit instructions for cross breeding plants
• 1:43:54
  to create a poisonous bloom, and at the very bottom
• 1:43:58
  signature of Dubs's wife Holy smokes, Hello, Dick.
• 1:44:05
  Speaker 14: I've parsed the puzzle of this perplexing poison. It does
• 1:44:09
  perpetrate the poor poisones passing, but only in passing.
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 1: What are you talking about, Morgan Jordan?
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 14: The poison causes temporary death. The victim enters a coma,
• 1:44:19
  with all vital signs coming to a complete stop. But
• 1:44:23
  then a few hours later the effects subside and she
• 1:44:26
  wakes up feeling healthy and well rested.
• 1:44:29
  Speaker 1: So Doves's wife is alive.
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 14: Probably what do you mean?
• 1:44:34
  Speaker 1: Probably didn't she wake up? Isn't that how you figured
• 1:44:36
  all this out?
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 14: Oh no, we just tried to poison out on an
• 1:44:40
  interns for Juliet. After you departed, we received a copy
• 1:44:45
  of her will which stated that her body was not
• 1:44:48
  to be optop seed or otherwise disturbed.
• 1:44:50
  Speaker 2: In any way.
• 1:44:52
  Speaker 14: Instead, we were to immediately place her in the family's
• 1:44:55
  burial catacombs. It wasn't until now that I realized been hard.
• 1:45:00
  Speaker 1: Winked, Jordan. We've got to alert the chief. She has
• 1:45:03
  to be found and arrested.
• 1:45:05
  Speaker 14: Why comas aren't not against the law?
• 1:45:07
  Speaker 1: Maybe not, But you know what apparently really really is
• 1:45:11
  plant poaching, and I've got evidence she committed that very crime.
• 1:45:17
  There was another couple of hours of long distance detective
• 1:45:20
  work before we had all the loose ends tied up.
• 1:45:22
  By that time, Solomon had made a discreet exit, Martin
• 1:45:25
  had shaken hands with the greenhouse's new management, and Cecy
• 1:45:28
  had caught up with me. I found her outside in
• 1:45:31
  her car, asleep behind the wheel. She opened her eyes
• 1:45:34
  as I.
• 1:45:34
  Speaker 12: Approached, Dick, what's going on? Were you in time to
• 1:45:38
  save her?
• 1:45:39
  Speaker 1: No, the Fed's got her. They were tailing us all along,
• 1:45:43
  the bastards. But I think I've got it figured out. See,
• 1:45:48
  not only did each of the women who marry Dubbs
• 1:45:50
  die under suspicious circumstances, but they also all went to
• 1:45:54
  their graves with some kind of guilt hanging over them.
• 1:45:57
  They may call Dubbs the octopus, but we know he
• 1:45:59
  likes to keep his tentacle prints to himself. There's always
• 1:46:02
  a middleman or a middle woman. Seems to me that
• 1:46:06
  the cost of marrying Doves is to personally off the
• 1:46:09
  last woman to do so. And he can clear your name,
• 1:46:12
  but he can never clear your conscience.
• 1:46:15
  Speaker 3: And then one day he gets bored with you. You
• 1:46:18
  become the new ex wife, and you know what's coming
• 1:46:21
  for you because you did it yourself, so you prepare.
• 1:46:25
  Speaker 1: The last one got as far away as she could,
• 1:46:28
  all the way beyond the suburbs, and she made a
• 1:46:30
  living here off her nursery business. But then one day
• 1:46:33
  the paperwork came in to do the flowers for Dubs's wedding,
• 1:46:36
  paperwork that asked her to import illegal plants into Noir City.
• 1:46:40
  She knew she was being enticed into committing a crime
• 1:46:42
  that would put her life in danger, but she needed
• 1:46:45
  the money, so she gave him what he wanted. But
• 1:46:48
  she also coded a message into the arrangements, hoping one
• 1:46:51
  of the women in his life would understand and show
• 1:46:53
  her mercy. Mercy she hadn't had the strength to show
• 1:46:56
  back when it was her turn, and the.
• 1:46:58
  Speaker 3: New wife played her part by signing the paperwork, so
• 1:47:02
  Dubbs's name is nowhere in connection with the crime. What's
• 1:47:06
  happened to her?
• 1:47:08
  Speaker 1: She's off to her new home in Shady Shrubs Correctional Facility, and.
• 1:47:12
  Speaker 3: We played right into Dubbs's plan. His new bride fakes
• 1:47:16
  her death. He calls you to the scene, and I'm
• 1:47:18
  at hand.
• 1:47:18
  Speaker 12: To hear the whole thing.
• 1:47:20
  Speaker 3: He lures us both in, then has the case taken
• 1:47:22
  away from you, assuring that you'll be investigating without the
• 1:47:26
  help of the office. No records, barely any witnesses, and
• 1:47:30
  we lead the Feds right to her. The only thing
• 1:47:33
  he didn't.
• 1:47:34
  Speaker 12: Think of was you finding that piece of paper.
• 1:47:37
  Speaker 1: Looks like you broke the cycle, maybe, but they haven't
• 1:47:41
  been able to connect it to Dubbs. She's refusing to talk.
• 1:47:44
  All she'll say is that she did what she had
• 1:47:47
  to do. And one more thing, she's pregnant.
• 1:47:52
  Speaker 3: So one cycle ends and another cycle begins. A child
• 1:47:56
  is going to become a mother in the tender care
• 1:47:59
  of Shady shrud UB's correctional facility.
• 1:48:02
  Speaker 1: If it's any consolation, picture her as cellmates with Mam Detective,
• 1:48:06
  the two of them in there together trading recipes for shops.
• 1:48:10
  Speaker 12: Take Me Home, Dick Wherever that is.
• 1:48:30
  Speaker 4: That was season one of Noir City Blues. Episode one,
• 1:48:35
  The Staircase, was written by Jack Townsend with creative consulting.
• 1:48:39
  Speaker 2: From Eric Adurr.
• 1:48:40
  Speaker 4: You've heard the voices of Jack Townsend, Matt Stanley, Eric Adr,
• 1:48:44
  Helen Jacks, Elias Derr, James Laneus and Matthew Morris. Episode two,
• 1:48:50
  Murdered by Birds, was written by Jack Townsend with contributions
• 1:48:54
  by Eric Ader, Matthew Morris, and James Laneus.
• 1:48:57
  Speaker 2: It had the.
• 1:48:57
  Speaker 4: Voices of Jack Townsend, Helen Jack, Killian Gilbo, eric Ader,
• 1:49:02
  James Lanius, Matthew Morris, Andrew Ferrier, Jeff Quash.
• 1:49:06
  Speaker 2: And High Priest Robi.
• 1:49:08
  Speaker 4: Episode three, The Case of the Identical Tentacles, was written
• 1:49:11
  by Andrew Ferrier and featured the voices of Jack Townsend,
• 1:49:15
  eric Ader, Helen Jacks, Andrew Ferrier, James Lanius, Jeff Quash,
• 1:49:20
  High Priest Roby, and Matthew Morris, plus appearances by Helen
• 1:49:24
  Schmell and Killian Gilbo. As always, we are online at
• 1:49:28
  the Snakespa dot com and you can find us on YouTube, Instagram,
• 1:49:32
  and Twitter at the snakes Paw. Best of all, we
• 1:49:35
  are on cofi where you can lend a hand and
• 1:49:37
  help keep this show going. You can become a regular
• 1:49:40
  supporter or just throw in once. Either way, we'll show
• 1:49:43
  our appreciation by sharing some extras. That's at kodash fi
• 1:49:48
  dot com Slash the snakes Paw.
• 1:49:50
  Speaker 7: Thanks for listening.