Latest / Student Ministry Conversations / 272 | Culture of Belonging: Helping Students Find Their Place | SMC Podcast
Transcript
- speaker-0: Hey and welcome back to the podcast. We are back for week three of September, and the idea on September is just the idea of cultivating a culture of belonging. And so we've spent two weeks talking through just different ideas, and real quick, just so you know, if you haven't listened to the last two episodes, you can go back and look at them. ⁓ we started with the idea of from attendance to belonging and how we need to be tracking more than attendance. We need to be creating systems. that allow students to belong. ⁓ and so basically the premise behind that is you can have a room full of students and still have lonely students. And so how do we teach how do we create the culture that ⁓ promotes belonging instead of just attending? ⁓ because attendance is great, but at the end of the day, attendance is not what we want. We want disciples. So we want students that are involved, plugged in, preparing, planned, all the things. Secondly, we had talked about creating a safe space or a sacred space within your youth ministry. And we talked about emotional and spiritual and relational safety and the importance and the need for all three of those in your youth ministry. That was a really good episode. You should definitely go back and listen to it if you have not. But David, we are moving on to week three. And week three is the idea of helping students. Find their place. ⁓ and so I I I've had a lot of conversations about this. I ⁓ there's there's different ideas when this comes to. Obviously you have the students that just want to be there. ⁓ and that's great. ⁓ you still need to find a place for them to belong. Make sure that your group's not doing things that it shouldn't be doing, like generating clicks and stuff like that. Students need to belong, students need to know that they're seen when they're there. We've talked about that the last two weeks. ⁓ but then there's ⁓ the other half of this conversation, which is the idea of like when you have students that are leaders, ⁓ you have to equip them and give them areas to lead. ⁓ and so this is probably going to be a conversation that includes a good deal of that too. And so there's really two dynamics when it comes to this conversation. ⁓ and so every student ministry leader should hopefully be moving to this idea of general inclusion. ⁓ but the thing is is We kind of all are aware of this, is you are a lot more involved and you feel a lot more a part of the group when you have a role. ⁓ and so let me just start with the question that I think almost every student has asked at some point. ⁓ we probably, if we grew up in youth ministry, asked the same question, where do I fit? ⁓ maybe they don't say it out loud, maybe it doesn't even sound like that in their head. Maybe it sounds like, ⁓ who who are my people? Or who can I sit with? who would notice if I'm not here? What am I good at? Does anybody actually want me here? ⁓ do I have a place in this group? And this is these are not unique questions to teenagers. We all want to know where we fit in. But the problem is is that as we get older, we kind of learn this coping mechanism to where we can fit in with most groups. And we can have conversations with most groups and we can I hesitate, David, to say the word fake fitting in. But like we are more ⁓ We are more like moldable, I guess, if that makes sense. And so with that dynamic, ⁓ we're we're more moldable, we're more we have more of an opportunity or more of an availability to flex to fit into different conversations and different groups. ⁓ and then also a lot of times as we get older, we don't have conversations about us, we have conversations about things that we are involved in or things that our kids are involved in. speaker-1: easier to talk about. speaker-0: Yes, it does make conversations way easier. But adolescence is a very particular and important season for those questions because especially in junior high and early high school, students are forming their identity, they're discovering their strengths, they're navigating their friendships, and they're figuring out where and how they belong. And so the church needs to be one of the forefront locations to where we are not only encouraging that. But we are also fulfilling that. So here's the reality for us as student leaders if we don't help students find their place, they won't find one. They'll assume they don't have one. Mm-hmm. And that can happen even in a ministry that genuinely loves students. Even with our youth ministry where we have tons of opportunities for students to get involved, we still have students that have the availability of falling through the cracks if we're not careful. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: So you can have a group where everybody is technically welcome, but certain students still feel like outsiders. This this can especially be true if you have more than one school in your youth. I've noticed that significantly. speaker-1: Another one I have noticed, ⁓ and I think it's something we as student leaders have to be cognizant of, is the sibling dynamic. When you have siblings in youth ministry, you tend to have one student, especially an older student that might be a leader in your youth ministry or considered a rock star in a sense, ⁓ then little brother or little sister shows up and they aren't, maybe they're not as dynamic. as the other sibling ⁓ or charismatic in that way, or maybe they are a little more hesitant to jump into leadership. And two things can happen. Either we expect too much of the sibling because, older sibling is an absolute rock star and has been incredible for our youth ministry. So we're hoping that you're going to be at the same level they are, or we just go, ⁓ you're not. And then they fall through the cracks because they couldn't. rise to the level of expectation that was thrown on them somewhat unfairly. And so I think we have to be really mindful of the younger sibling, older sibling dynamic ⁓ in our ministries when we have that and make sure that both are seen, ⁓ especially if they are polar opposites. I have a lot of siblings in my youth ministry and every single one is polar opposites. And so you have to, you have to consider how you can reach them in a different way. That's not the same and not expecting them to be as dynamic as the other sibling or their friends or whatever else like that. So just things to consider. speaker-0: Yeah, no, definitely. And I I I think that's a really I mean what what I think about when I come think about siblings is like this old Michael Jr. ⁓ kind of skit and he's like, you know, everybody like knows about Jesus. He's like everybody like knows the stories and everything else. He was like, But Jesus had a brother, James. He's like, and you know, like Jesus did all these miraculous things and then James comes on the scene and like What they don't tell you is, you know, everybody knows like the wedding in Cana, Jesus turns water into wine. What they don't tell you about is the next wedding. When they run out of wine again and everybody looks at James like, Come on, man, like your brother tur your brother turned water into wine. Can you at least give us some like Kool-Aid or something? Kind of thing like that. And it's just this mindset of like, you know, I think sometimes we have really, really unhealthy and un unrational expectations on the siblings. And like it's it's really easy to fall into because and the other half of it is sometimes you see the potential in the younger sibling and the younger sibling doesn't see it because they've been so overshadowed and so overcrowded by older sibling and their success. So there's there's a lot of dynamic that goes into that and it's something that we have to be really, really careful with because That I mean man, what what a what a devastating thing when it comes to like just the idea that you can ⁓ I g I mean like you can you can l potentially lose students over it ⁓ 'cause you're expecting them to be something they're not, but you're also expecting them to be something they're they don't wanna be. speaker-1: And that's the hard one. I, you you said all of that and I immediately thought of two of your leaders ⁓ that, and you know exactly who I'm talking about. And I know that there's a little bit of a, okay, there's a big difference in confidence, which is hilarious to me because the ability of the younger sibling arguably is better. but the confidence is not at all there. And it blows my mind. You know what I mean? Like you have a sibling that if the sibling had the confidence, the younger sibling had the confidence the older sibling had, which now granted the older sibling struggled too, but had the confidence that God could use this person ⁓ in a powerful way. This person has every chance and opportunity to be an incredible speaker-0: That speaker-1: incredible leader not just in your youth ministry, but for this person's life. speaker-0: Sure. Yeah. But at the end of the day, and this is just kinda going into that conversation, so I I will break into a little more detail without going into too much detail. Sure. There are two sisters. Older sister was a dynamic worship leader, really, really talented, knew what she was doing, knew how to not only she knew not only how to play herself, but she knew how to tell other people how to play well. And she was very, very good at telling people how to sound good together. She was very good at harmonizing vocally herself. Like speaker-1: meticulous notes for every single musician. I you to do color-coded like I have I've worked with a lot of worship leaders I've never had color-coded notes like it's crazy speaker-0: Meticulous. And so with that, she is incredibly talented at piano too, she can play almost anything. But her s little sister is not as outgoing as she is. Her little sister is way more skilled than her older sister is. But going on this conversation about how we can expect the younger to feel the older in as far as shoes wise, that one has Stepped off of the worship team. speaker-1: The younger one. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Because there is another pianist and they're okay with not playing. And they would rather be in the crowd worshiping than be on stage because they feel more out of being able to worship instead of having to perform worship. And so I had to navigate that situation of okay, well that's fine. Like I I I'm I'm not gonna lie and say it doesn't like break my heart. Like I was looking forward to having you, but You're not her. Yeah. So like I I think that's a conversation that needs to be brought up because I mean this is practicing exactly what we're talking about here. Part of the idea is like that you can't expect them to fit the same hole. No. And so when it's so when we have these opportunities or when we have these moments, especially in leadership within ministry, we can't expect the younger to fill the older shoes. And there's actually a couple different speaker-1: No. speaker-0: sibling dynamics that were very, very different that I've had to handle in that light and I can't expect the younger one to be like the older one. Yeah. And so that you can you you have to have this idea that like everybody has their own spot and nobody can copy each other. And so but that's why belonging requires more than saying everybody's welcome. Like what being welcome is important. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: But if I am being welcoming by trying to make them fit somewhere that they don't want to fit I'm not doing my job. And so how do we create places or how and and it's not necessarily how do we we have to create spaces for students, don't get me wrong, but how do we help students find their place without creating unhealthy expectations or unhealthy clicks? And how do we move students from simply being included to actually having ownership? So speaker-1: Yeah. you Yeah. speaker-0: Let's let's let's I I I hate this word, I hate what it entails and brings, but we have to talk about it. The reality of cliques. Yeah. Let's let's talk about something that every youth pastor's encountered and that's cliques. I mean I cliques aren't always intentionally malicious. No. They're often just natural relationships that have become closed relationships. speaker-1: Thank speaker-0: Students find who they connect with, they discover shared interests, they sit together, they text each other, they hang out outside a youth group, they develop inside jokes, and they're just friends. And that's not a bad thing. No, it's not But we want students to have friends, we want them to develop meaningful relationships, but we can't allow friendship to become exclusion. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Yeah. speaker-0: And so I think the dynamic of this and like this is something I really had to come to grips with, I'm gonna say something that is really, really probably going to get some feedback. ⁓ I hope it gets some feedback. Feel free to shoot me a message. I'd love to go into a conversation with you on this. but I don't have a student leadership team. speaker-1: You speaker-0: Because that's a click. And so I know that some of y'all listening are like, Well, we have a board and we have a council and we have this and those are clicks. You're giving them opportunities to be in something that everybody else can't be a part of. So the only click that I have in my youth group is the worship team. Yep. speaker-1: It is the worship team. speaker-0: And that is because you have proficiency in an instrument or you can sing. Yeah. And that is the requirement. But anybody and everybody that wants to be on the team that can actually do what they say they can do. Is on the team. So it's not ⁓ speaker-1: You just have to have the skill set and we are willing to take the time to teach you if you have the passion and the desire to do so. speaker-0: Still, Yeah. I have a kid that's never played a bass guitar before in his entire life that's playing this year. But he is pumped. He is so excited. And he's doing the work, right? Yes. And so but like he's already bought his own bass guitar. ⁓ like all kinds of stuff. And so it's really, really cool to see. But like then there's the heart behind it. And this is one of the most like students do some really, really heartfelt funny things that like it is so funny that like they want to do this, but you're also like incredibly heartwarmed by it. The way that our worship works is we do three opening songs and then we break for our ministries. We have high school all together, seventh and eighth grade together, and sixth grade by themselves. All led by different leaders. Totally works. We love it. We love it. But five minutes before we actually get out or ten minutes before we actually get out, we all come back to the main room and we close with an acoustic worship song. This kid playing bass guitar a couple weeks ago was like, Hey, like, could I still play bass? speaker-1: Nice. speaker-0: And I was like, Well yeah, I was like, but the problem is is like everybody's unplugged. The bass is an electric instrument, so you have to plug it in to hear it. He goes, ⁓ that's fine. Can I just unplug it and stand up there and play it? speaker-1: He just needs the experience. speaker-0: Yeah. It's just 'cause he wants to be there. Like I and I was like, dude, I love it. Like that's awesome. speaker-1: Dude, give him your Yuke base. That's all he needs. speaker-0: I I've I've debated on it, but I I ⁓ yeah, I'm I'm still exploring those options of like how do we make it but it's just one of those things it's like it the heart and the passion is there. I don't care if he can play, I don't care if he's plugged in, he wants to be there. He found his spot. And so yes, we want speaker-1: And it's hard not to get- And that's a beautiful speaker-0: People to have friendships but when a group communicates intentionally or unintentionally that we are the insiders and you're not That's what makes or breaks a speaker-1: think it's worth mentioning because we kind of just glazed over it. ⁓ Just because you don't have a specific student leadership team to create a clique does not mean that he has not utilized student leaders. ⁓ He just doesn't have an official board and a t-shirt and extra things that make you point out that this is Brent's favorites because that's how people view student leadership is. Not only is it a clique, it's also the youth pastors favorite people. And I have also kind of avoided for that very reason, but I know who my leaders are and I encourage them to step up. And I tell all of our students, every single one of you are leaders if you want to be. If you want to be a leader, then do it. And you tell me what you want to do and I'm going to give you the opportunity to do it. Within reason, of course. But even then, if it doesn't, and I tell students all the time, and I think I've said it here on the podcast is like, If it does not exist, let's figure out how to make it exist. Like if this is something you're passionate about, more than likely, just because it doesn't exist doesn't mean it can't be like an incredible leg to our ministry. Like this could be an offshoot that leads to, I go back to my days growing up as a young, young youth pastor. I mean, I was, I was 16 years old taking over youth ministry and All I could think of is like, are the things that I really enjoy in life and how can I use that to make a difference in my community? I really loved skateboarding as a kid. And so obviously growing up in the late nineties, early two thousands, like skateboarding was a big deal back then. I mean, it still is in some places, but like, it was a huge deal back then. Tony Hawk Pro Skater was at the height of its popularity. Like it was, it was something we all really enjoyed. And so I was like, what if we take. youth group to the skate park and see what happens. Dude, we have like a hundred kids showing up to our youth rallies at the skate park. This was a ministry that nobody else was doing. Now granted, I grew up in a big town. And so, you you might say a hundred people showing up to a meet like that seems like a lot of people. Well, okay. I was in a huge town, but, we were meeting a need by going to them. And I think You've got students that might be passionate about dance or you might have students who are passionate about cooking or whatever it might be and being able to utilize those things, that's not a click. That's saying, hey, you've got a leadership potential. You have a passion and desire. Let's use it in a way that makes a difference. when one student does that, other students see that and they go, ⁓ Either I can help that student, that other student, like be a part of what they're doing there, like starting a Bible study at school or being a part of FCA or whatever it might be. They might go, I can do that too. And I could bring a couple of friends like, you know, or we can, you know, whatever it might be. And so, yeah, just by saying doesn't happen, doesn't mean necessarily that there's not. It's just being strategic about how you utilize your leaderships and the language that you use in your ministry so that it doesn't turn into. Essentially a click. Clicks are happening. You already have them. That is a very natural thing and it doesn't have to be discouraged. But how can you do it where you say, okay, you have this friend group, but you've got this other person. One of the things I find myself saying all the time and you have an awesome friend group. You see that person over there sitting by themselves, invite them in. That simple conversation is all it takes. And our students are very bought in. And very like, a lot of times they notice things I don't even notice early on, which is cool. I think I share the story of one of my students realizing that we had a student that didn't show up because they went through a breakup and said, literally FaceTimed them and said, you have to be here because you not being here, like we miss you too much. So you have to be here. And so we're going to FaceTime you in to youth. Like we're bringing youth to you in a sense. And I was like, that's the kind of things that you want to see in the sense of inclusion with your group is. Yes, they're going to have clicks, but if they know that our group is open to everybody. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. speaker-1: That will change the mentality ⁓ period. Everyone belongs. Some people just have those natural relationships. Maybe it comes a little bit easier for five and then maybe two or three. It's not as easy, but they know that they still belong. That's really all we're saying. speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. No, and I I I think that's a that's a huge dynamic of it because when we when we break down the idea of like ⁓ this conversation, like it it's it's pretty straightforward. But I think that there's a lot of h I think the problem with this conversation of like knowing where people fit in is there's so many ways to make people fit in. It's easy to glaze over some of the ideas and not allow them to be ⁓ as essential as they could be, I guess if that makes sense. ⁓ it allows it allows them to not ⁓ like I guess some can slip through the cracks or fall through the cracks. And so like I think the idea behind it is just this idea of like, you know, we we don't want clicks. We don't want people we don't well and cliques is clicks has such a negative connotation. We don't want friendships to become exclusive. speaker-1: That's really what it comes down to. speaker-0: We don't want school districts to become exclusive. We don't want leadership teams to become exclusive. How do we make exclusion? We make it to where only certain people are allowed. My first probably year after my first year in youth ministry ⁓ fifteen years ago, I had a parent come to me and say, Hey, like I want to take and pay for the youth students to go on a ski trip. Which wow, like crazy, awesome. They were like, Yeah, so I want my son and ten of his friends from youth group to come. 'Cause that's what we have space for. speaker-1: So you're speaker-0: And I was like, I was like, Thank you for the offer. That's incredibly generous. Which I'm I said it in way more immature terms, I'm sure, because I was twenty, twenty one at the time. But I was like, I I can't do that. I I can't call it a youth trip if everybody can't come. Now if you want to invite those kids and you want to take them to ski, that is a hundred percent fine. I would totally encourage you to do that. ⁓ this lady was ticked that I said no. speaker-1: Really? speaker-0: Yes. And so she went to my she went to my pastor at the time and my pastor's like, He's right. We can't do that And I was like, Yeah. speaker-1: That's sadly rare. speaker-0: Yeah. But she was like, You can't call it a youth trip if nobody if not everybody's i invited to come. She was like, That's not a youth trip, that's an exclusion trip. Yeah. ⁓ and so it's just the mindset of like we can't do that. That's a great example. And like as much as I would have loved to have gone to Riadosa or Colorado or wherever it was, I don't remember. ⁓ as much as I would have loved for that, it would have been a great trip. They invited my wife to come along. We were kidless at the time, like it it would have been fun. Is as fun as that would have been, I knew that I couldn't allow that to happen. So here's where I think we can take the conversation one step further. There's a difference between inclusion and there's a difference between placement. Inclusion says you can be here. Placement says you matter here. So inclusion opens the door, but placement finds someone a chair at the table. speaker-1: That's good. speaker-0: Okay, so I think this is one of the biggest shifts that we need to make in student ministry. We can become really good at welcoming students, we can have greeters and snacks and games and we can have great programming and that's all it all has its place, don't get me wrong. We can tell students that we're glad they're there, but eventually students need something deeper. They need to discover what is my place in this community and And they need to discover part of the Christian understanding of faith is how can I give back to the community that's been so good to me? Like we are teaching them how to be the future church. And I I I say tongue in cheek future church because you know we've all heard that. But we are teaching the young church to be great at being church when they are older. Might be a better way to say that. So They need to understand what's my place in this community. Maybe they're great at welcoming people. Let them do that. Maybe they're creative. Let them do that. Maybe they have a great idea when it comes to just social media and handling that. Maybe they're musical. Maybe they're organized. Maybe they just love technology. Maybe they naturally notice people who are hurting. Kids do that. Maybe they're just really, really funny. And they like they can bring joy and laughter to anybody. Maybe they're great with younger students. Maybe they're passionate about missions. This sounds like rambling, but I'm saying all these hopefully because you have students popping in your head and you're like, ooh, ooh, I could ooh, I could yeah, them or those three. Those three would be great at this kind of thing. Okay? Maybe they're passionate about missions. Maybe they're quiet but incredibly thoughtful. The ones that like everybody shuts up when they speak up because everybody's like ⁓ you talked. Like they're they're there, I promise. Maybe they're the natural leader, the one that just exudes leadership and kids naturally flock to them and they don't even know why. Maybe they're not ready to lead anything yet. But maybe they can find a place in helping set up or tear down. All of those things matter. This is where ownership becomes so important. When students contribute, they begin to see themselves differently. They no longer are consumers of the youth program, they are participants in community. And there's a h huge difference between I go to youth group and that's my youth group. Huge. One describe one describes attendance, the other describes identity. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. speaker-0: We should want students to move from this is something that I have to go to or this is something that the adults do for us to this is the community that I'm a part of. Yeah. speaker-1: you And I think it should extend past just your youth ministry too. Like absolutely have different areas inside your youth ministry, but look for ways that you can ⁓ grow community outside of the youth ministry. Cause I really think that one of the best ways to grow a person's faith is intergenerationally. And when your youth for sure, start to get involved in this, in the service and they start, you know, some of the older people see their faces, they start to ask questions like, wow, that person did a really good job. Like, and it may be something simple, like they do a, ⁓ like they read scripture in the service or maybe they talk, you know, share a little bit of testimony about how camp went or whatever it might be inside your service and getting creative and being able to do it like, so I preached. two Sundays ago, ⁓ not this last Sunday, but the Sunday before. And I was looking at her service and I was like, okay, this is a great opportunity. ⁓ to break up some of the things that, you know, the pastor typically takes all of this stuff. ⁓ and then we've got a of them like, okay, I got two leaders that are awesome. One who is a really, really dynamic speaker and another one who isn't as much of a dynamic speaker, but just as one of those guys that everyone loves. And I was like, here's, here's our welcome and announcements. And I want you all to take that and I want you to, do, you know, and it's just them getting out there and, and sing some like welcome to church we're so glad you're here you know and i could tell you our our adults ate that up man they were like ⁓ it was really cool to see ⁓ who was that they knew I the girl because it was pastor's daughter and she drums and sings and very dynamic and everyone knew who she was. But the other guy, they were like, hey, I don't know who that is. Who was that? And I was like, well, let me introduce you. And it's like little things like that. next thing I know, you know, a couple, I guess it was Sunday. Yeah. This last Sunday, he goes, man, I had so many adults tell me that I did a good job. was like, he was like, it just felt really nice because I'm not like a really good speaker, but They were really nice and it made me feel good. And I'm like, boom. And it opened up windows and avenues. ⁓ And by doing that, other cool part by doing that. ⁓ He's been trying really hard to get his parents to go. And because he was, I asked him to do that. He said, Hey, ⁓ I'm leading the welcome and announcements. Will you come to church and like be there with me? And they're like, yes, a hundred percent. guess what? They were there and our church just swarmed and loved on that family. And I'm like, this is a win, you know? And it's like, not only are you giving students opportunities to belong and be part of that, but you're also giving a chance for your church to. love on your students and that's a win across the board. know, they got a leadership spot, the church got to love on them, their parents got to come, they also got loved on and I mean there's just, just start stacking the wins like it's a beautiful way. Yeah. To let them lead. I don't know exactly where I'm going from there, but yeah, I just think there's a lot of really cool opportunities if you will create space for that. And that might mean having to have a conversation with your pastor and say, Hey, I really, I just want to encourage this. And you might get a kickback and that's okay. Keep pressing because there's a lot of wins there. There really is a lot of wins there. And I don't know many pastors that would say no to that, but in case they do, if, if you're having trouble navigating that again for the probably millionth time, reach out to us. I will call your pastor personally. I would be happy to legitimately. I'm not lying. I have called pastors for youth pastors that didn't necessarily, Brent may not want to do that, but I am. happy to. It's usually on a music side, but I'm happy to do that. speaker-0: No, I mean and the thing is is like that that goes into the dynamics of everything. Like I a couple weeks ago if you've been listening to our podcast I talked about the atheist student that I let be on our worship team. He played in our church a couple of times. Guess which atheist parents came to support him at church? Guess which atheist parents heard the gospel at least four times because our pastor preaches the gospel. speaker-1: And what if that plants the seeds down the road? Incredible. Incredible. speaker-0: Okay. We currently have a student which this is the I don't I don't want to sound indelicate and this I currently have a student that greatly that like regularly attends our church, our youth group, our Sunday mornings, everything. She has four moms. lots of lots of brokenness in that family. Guess which family has come to church with daughter a couple times. speaker-1: Awesome. speaker-0: So, daughter does not follow suit in the ideologies or beliefs of parents. Daughter believes that parents are not doing what they need to be doing. Daughter is firmly f founded in what the the beliefs that she holds to. ⁓ and that's not gonna stray her. But parents are still attending. speaker-1: Thank which is awesome. speaker-0: So, like just the mindset behind it is like, you know, giving students opportunities to be involved, giving students opportunities to be included can open humongous doors to families. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: So how do we actually find places for students? How do we actually get students into having a seat at the table? I think we start by getting to know the students in front of us. Not just their names, not how they're wired, not anything like that. What are they good at? What do they enjoy? What makes them come alive? Where do they naturally contribute? What are they passionate about? What kind of environment helps them thrive? One of the mistakes we can do is assuming that every student needs the same pathway to belong, and that's not the case. We've already talked about that. Some students need a relational entry point. Some students aren't gonna connect through a leadership role. They need one person, they need a trusted adult, a friend, a small group, someone who remembers their name and asks about their week. For that student, belonging begins relationally. Some students will need a place to serve. ⁓ maybe they connect through contribution, give them something meaningful to do. Maybe they're helping with worship, maybe they're running slides, maybe they're helping with check in, maybe they're setting up, maybe they're helping younger students, maybe they're helping with a service project. Suddenly they aren't standing around wondering where they fit in. They know what they're doing and they're contributing. Some students need the creative outlet. They have all the creative juices in the world. They're artistic, they enjoy photography, they love video, they love writing, they're good at graphic design, they enjoy planning. All of those can be used in student ministry. Sometimes the student who barely talks in the group when it's large comes alive when they t give when you give them a camera. That's worth paying attention to. And then finally, some students just need leadership. Some students are ready to lead, but leadership should and ⁓ I want to I want to like scream this from the rooftops. Leadership should not simply go to the loudest student. Personality and leadership are not the same thing. speaker-1: Prime example, I was the quietest. speaker-0: Lo I didn't want it. Yeah. The loudest person is not necessarily the greatest leader. The most outgoing student is not automatically the most spiritually mature. Sometimes the quiet student is the one that has incredible influence. Sometimes the student who isn't naturally on stage is the student that everyone ⁓ that starts to notice everyone else. speaker-1: You know, kind of a fun thing. ⁓ One of the greatest compliments I ever received, ⁓ maybe it's just because I admit so much coming from someone I admire so much, but a friend of mine, Levi McKay, ⁓ once said in college ministry, he was like, you know what I love about your leadership? And in my mind I was like, I don't do much. And he was like, that's exactly it. He was like, when you talk, everyone goes quiet because every time you open your mouth, it is something like so wise and so, ⁓ so helpful and kind that like, when you, he's like, you don't talk a lot, but when you do talk, everybody listens, everybody sits up. And he was like, it's not about being the most charismatic person. It's about utilizing what you know and doing it your way. He was like, I absolutely love. the way that you bleed. He was like, he's like, well what, ⁓ the metaphor he used, he's like, he's basically, he's like, the way I would explain you is you're basically Charmin toilet paper, less is more, and that's a good thing. And I was like, that is the funniest, like, I don't know that I've ever thought that toilet paper could be a good thing. But he was like, I know how it sounds, but think about it, less is more. speaker-0: Yeah, that's speaker-1: And it's right. It doesn't have to be big and flashy. It just has to be on point. And I was like, that's why it's like, you know what I mean? And so I just remember thinking like, dude. speaker-0: Awesome. Man. Awesome. You're you're making my ADHD brain go I'm like there's there better has to be an like has to be better analogies than toilet paper. speaker-1: ⁓ 100%. I know, I'm really trying not to score. Well, he was talking about the slogan. Not really, the toilet paper. The toilet paper actually had nothing to do with it. speaker-0: That's that's really funny though. that that but man, what a what a what a compliment. I mean just the the idea of like man when you speak everybody listens. And sometimes like that's where your students are. Well and speaker-1: Not he was really without even really well, maybe he realized it but I don't know that I realized it like I don't know that I was vocalizing it back then because I was 19 at the time but I have always struggled with comparison because I look at other youth pastors and they're fun and they're bright and they're they're Charismatic and I'm none of those things and so so often I can get really discouraged because I'm just like I'm not the guy that like shows up and people are like let's go like like We want to... You know, you really have to get to know me before... speaker-0: But if everybody was it and I I think there's I think there's a in like a good conversation there though and I'm not gonna take a ton of time on it, but that's the body of Christ. If we were all the hype guys there would be nothing else. ⁓ speaker-1: Yeah, exactly. So you have to have like Yeah. speaker-0: We're looking for character, we're looking for faithfulness, we're looking for teachability, which is unfortunately becoming more and more rare in our society. Yeah. ⁓ and we're looking for a willingness to serve. Becoming ⁓ like helping students find their place isn't about giving everybody a microphone. It's about helping them discover how they can contribute to the body of Christ. So Practical ways, let's get practical for just a little bit, and then we'll kind of be close to wrapping things up. if you're listening to this as a youth pastor or a volunteer this week, what can you actually do this week? Here's four things we would challenge you to try. First, assign leaders to specific students. Don't make things weird, don't make things overly formal, but instead of telling your volunteers, make sure you're connecting with students and Give them an actual list of students to pay attention to. Like give them a list with names on it and say these are this is your flock. Go make sure that you know what's going on with them. These five students I want you to know intentionally. Know their names, know their school, know their interests, know what's happening in their lives. Notice when they're absent. Follow up with them. Because it's much easier to make sure students are connected when someone has the responsibility to notice them. Okay. Secondly, create low pressure service opportunities. Not everybody wants to stand on stage. Don't make a serving being sin don't make serving be synonymous with being on stage. Give students lots of ways to contribute. We have talked about a ton of them in this episode. Welcome someone, help set up, make a graphic, take pictures, help with a service project, prepare for small groups, teach small groups, help younger students when appropriate, assist with technology, organize supplies. The goal is not how can I get students to do more work. It is how can I help students discover that they c have something to is something valuable to contribute? Those are very different questions. And then be intentional with group placement, especially with small groups. Sometimes we randomly throw group students into groups and hope community happens. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes like sometimes it does and it works magically, but we have to think intentionally. Who needs a strong adult leader? Who needs a fresh relational connection? What might or who might thrive with certain possibilities? ⁓ who tends to disappear in a large group? Who is isolated? Who might benefit from being around students who will draw it out of them? Randomness is not always bad, but intentionality is used better. speaker-1: Yeah I would say a good practical way to build that. Now, I want to preface this, that it could easily go into clicks if you're not careful, but do a spiritual gift survey. Have all your students do like a spiritual gift survey and then like group them up and say, okay, for those who have this spiritual gift, I want you all to get together and talk about like, why do you feel like you have this gift? What is it? And like have those conversations. And once you've kind of done that, then you have the opportunity to mix them up and say, Hey, here's some, here's a couple of spiritual gifts that like really, compliment quite well. Now we're gonna, we're gonna mix these groups together. We're trying different ways and stuff. did a whole series on this where we started with that. Then the next week we did, we had everybody group up based on their spiritual gifts. And then from there I had, did. we needed to do an extra week over overlap, because we had a few that were like, I was basically tied with these three things. And they started realizing there were several other students who were also tied with the same three things. And they were like, I kind of want to talk about both things. And I was like, OK, that's great. And so we did that. And then from there, I was like, OK, I want you all to, as you have these conversations with people who have the same spiritual gift, I want you all to ask the question, of this list, who do we think would? Imagine like a desert island situation like who do we think would help us? Do these certain tasks or whatever based on their spiritual gifts? And so they were starting to formulate to think like ⁓ we need this we need this when I was like you have to you have to get somebody from every group to come together and it ended up becoming kind of a cool way where they started realizing I have this group this gift you have this gift now with those gifts, how can we serve our youth ministry and our church and our community? Those were the three main things that I said. And then I said, cool, now once you've done that project, now we're gonna mix it up again and we're gonna formulate a new group and we're gonna do a new task. And it was just really helping them not only grow together in unity to understand that they have a place to serve. that there are other places, people who also have places to serve, and that there's, here's some practical things like, this is how we can serve our youth ministry, this is how we can serve our church, and this is how we can serve our community. And it became, this is what I have to offer. these are the places that I can offer it and these are the people that I can offer with. And it really brought a lot of unity for our youth ministry, our church and being able to go out and serve the community. So it kind of hit three main areas in our core values for our youth ministry. And it ended up being a pretty cool, it was only meant to be like a four week study and it ended up being an eight week because they wanted to do practical things and then extended, which was really cool. And that was just letting the students see their, identify their gifts and then utilize them. And so it became a very practical hands-on series. So something like that could be helpful for your ministry. speaker-0: Sure. And spiritual gifts is a great place to start. I mean, it's just the mindset of like it is a test literally designed to show students what they're good at and how they can apply it into their ministry. So like great ⁓ you can get online, there's a hundred different spiritual gifts tests. ⁓ some are better than others. I would definitely encourage you to actually look through them, maybe take the test for yourself, find the one that you like, find the one that is actually fairly detailed and good before you just Like download the first one and 'cause with everything good on the internet, there's always some crap on the internet too. So, and then finally, number four on practicality, watch for the isolated student every week. This might be the most important one. Every week look around the room. Don't look at the students who are laughing, look at the students who aren't. Don't notice the students who are talking, notice the ones that are quiet. Don't notice who's on the stage, notice who's sitting in the corner. Ask yourself who doesn't have a place tonight. Then do something about it. Maybe you sit next to them. Maybe you introduce them to someone. Maybe you bring them into the conversation. Maybe you ask them to help you with something, or maybe you just simply remember them. The point is don't allow invisibility to become someone's identity in your ministry. Unfortunately, that can be claimed as a position too. I'm the one that nobody talks to in this group. A student shouldn't have to become popular before they become known. speaker-1: Hmm. speaker-0: So let's bring this back to the heart of belonging as we close. ⁓ we talked about creating safe and sacred spaces ⁓ words today. ⁓ we talked about creating safe and sacred spaces. The week before that we talked about moving from attendance to belonging. Now we're asking what does belonging actually look like? I think part of the answer is belonging happens when students know they have a place. Not just a seat, not just a name on the attendance roster, not just a role in a Christmas program, but a place, a meaningful place where they are known, where they can contribute, where they can grow, they can serve, they can develop ration ⁓ relationships, and they can become who God is calling them to become. There's something deeply theological about that, and we need to take that to heart. Paul describes the church as a body in 1 Corinthians 12. We already talked about the body of Christ. Different parts, different functions, different gifts, but one body. It's a beautiful picture of what we want student ministry to become because student ministry should be a training ground for involvement in the church for the rest of their lives. So we don't want a room full of identical students. We don't want a room where the only only the most outgoing students matter. We d we want a room where leadership doesn't belong to only a select few people, but a community where students can begin discovering, hey, God's given me this thing to contribute and I gotta I gotta I gotta figure out how to do it. But here's the beautiful part. Sometimes we discover a student's gift because we gave them room to try. A student might not see themselves as a leader, but we give them a small opportunity. A student may not think that they're good at welcoming people, but we ask them to help welcome someone. A student may not realize how much they care about younger students until we give them an opportunity to serve. A student may not think their creative their creativity matters until we give them a project to work on. And slowly something begins to happen. They realize, hey, I have a place here. That's what we're after. Not getting students involved, not helping students know that they have a like have something to do, helping students discover that they belong. So the question I want to leave you with this week is who is in your ministry right now who is present but has not found their place? Who comes every week but doesn't have a friend? Who sits on the outside? Who isn't naturally going to volunteer? Who gets overlooked because they're quiet? Who has gifts that you've never given them the opportunity to use? And then maybe most importantly, what could you do this week to communicate to that student you matter here? Because sometimes belonging begins with something incredibly simple and that's a name remembered, a chair saved, a conversation started, a responsibility entrusted, a gift recognized. Suddenly they're not standing outside the community anymore, they're a part of it. Belonging has to become real, but they own it only becomes real when students know they're not just welcomed, they know they're needed. David, I believe it's your turn probably to close this out. I'm not sure, but ⁓ yeah. speaker-1: Yeah, happy to Father God, I just thank you so much for the opportunity to Continue to have conversations about student ministry Lord We have covered just about every topic that we can think to cover and yet there's still so much more so much richness in the church and in student ministry that we can have a platform to have a conversation, Lord, and to ⁓ hopefully make a difference in someone's life who's struggling today. Maybe they didn't struggle yesterday, maybe they won't struggle tomorrow, but they're struggling today and they just need that encouragement to know that they're not alone in the struggle, that they're not alone in their feelings. And so many of our students are in that same spot and they just need to know that they have a place that they belong, that they matter. And so Father, I pray that each and every one of us as student ministers, like. We get into this job because we want students to know that they have a real authentic role ⁓ to place not only in the youth ministry, but in their church and in the community. so Lord help us to always be ⁓ shepherds and ambassadors for helping students to see their potential, ⁓ whether they realize that in our time together or if it's a seed planted for the next. ministry or the next opportunity or the next church for that matter. God, I pray that you would just help us to always be faithful in that calling to shepherd these students, Lord, and to make sure that they feel like they belong and that they matter and that they feel seen through that. But I also pray, Lord, for each student pastor that might feel overwhelmed by that to understand that they don't have to do this alone, Lord, that we are, as much as we're building community and these students, we're building community together as adult leaders and Lord. help us to remember the importance of asking our leaders to also help us identify these student leaders, identify the quiet students that are maybe falling through the cracks because we all have different lenses in which we see students and sometimes another parent can see something that we don't see, another volunteer can see something that we don't see or maybe they even hear something that one student will feel more comfortable to share with them than they would with us or with a different leader. so Father, help us to always remember that our volunteers are ⁓ on the same team with us Lord and that they have the same opportunities and abilities to put these strategies in the place as much as we do. So Lord, help us to not be discouraged, but to be encouraged and to ⁓ just always remember at the very core to go back to our calling, to remember that Jesus called us for a such as this and what a blessing and honor it is to have the platform that we do have. God may you bless it, may you encourage ⁓ every person who's listening to know that you ⁓ are going before them, that you're working with them, Lord. And ⁓ God we just pray for just a refreshing or a refueling and a renewal ⁓ in them if they are feeling discouraged, ⁓ God, that they would know that you are for them and that you are with them. Lord may they never forget that and may they always continue to seek community ⁓ within their adult leadership with their church and even outside of the church. God, we just thank you so much for what you have done and what you are going to do in and through the lives of these men and women who are serving ⁓ such an incredible ⁓ group of students. God. Thank you for today. May you bless our ministries, whether we meet today or another day. God, may you bless them this week. It's in your name we pray. Amen.