Latest / The Dr Louise Newson Podcast / 70 – How perimenopause can really impact you and your partner

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70 – How perimenopause can really impact you and your partner · The Dr Louise Newson Podcast

0:02
So Matt, you're on my podcast and I'm very excited to talk to
0:05
you because my husband introduced me to you.
0:09
Actually, he was scrolling through Instagram as you do in a
0:13
very romantic way in the evening.
0:15
And it was the one about being an entrepreneur and having loads
0:19
of emails. And it's like, oh, don't disturb
0:21
me. I've got the same the same other
0:22
day and he was showing it with my family and going, this is
0:25
your mother. And it was quite funny and so,
0:29
and it was a great, great note of video.
0:31
And it, it is how I work because I have lots of things going on.
0:34
I've, you know, my mission is to improve the global health of
0:37
women. And there are lots of women and,
0:41
you know, so I'm very busy. But then once I started looking
0:44
at your account, then suddenly you're wearing a wig and you're
0:47
being a perimenopausal woman. And it's just the most amazing
0:50
thing and you have so much engagement.
0:52
So I, I'm really keen to talk to you about like, why are you
0:56
doing this and, and what, what the response has been.
0:59
And like, just tell me a bit about you.
1:01
OK, well, I'm, I'm a comedian first.
1:03
Yeah, well, I'm a husband first, I suppose.
1:05
But. Yes, well done but right answer.
1:09
You ask a comedian, no, they're always going to make themselves
1:11
comic first. So, so my main thing is I've
1:14
just been trying to be a comedy writer, comedian for years and
1:18
I've tried a lot of different things.
1:20
And so I write scripts. I do stand up also and, and I
1:24
also love social media and I love the immediacy of it and I
1:27
love making videos and I've made a lot of different kinds of
1:30
videos over the years. Actually, I made that
1:32
Entrepreneur video a couple of years ago.
1:36
And. On December 23rd, so I like try
1:40
like a lot of different things on Instagram, like what we'll
1:42
see, what we'll hit. And it's been a long road to be
1:45
honest with you. So on December 23rd, I made a
1:48
video that was like tips for men whose wives are going to
1:51
perimenopause was like, don't chew as much, don't be around as
1:54
much. But I was just kind of like
1:56
trying to be funny And, and I didn't really think much of the
2:00
video. Like I was just like, you just
2:02
trying to be like, Oh, I haven't made a video in a while.
2:03
I got to stay alive. I got to do something to feel
2:05
creative, to be funny. So I made that video and that
2:08
blew up. And then I was like followed up
2:11
with a how to say happy New Years to your perimenopausal
2:13
wife. And then that blew up.
2:14
And I was like, Oh yeah, if everyone loves the wife stuff,
2:16
I'm going to repost the entrepreneur 1.
2:19
And this one where I'm being my wife in the drive, in the
2:22
passenger seat in the car because she's a huge backseat
2:24
driver and it's very annoying. And and then those blew up.
2:28
And then I was like, all right, I'm just going to keep the wig
2:31
on and be my wife and keep going with this with perimenopause and
2:35
entrepreneur and mental load. And that's what happened.
2:41
And now and then this I started growing and all these women were
2:44
coming out of the woodwork being like, she is us, we are her.
2:47
Like it was like an I am Spartacus moment.
2:49
And like I was like in there were like, you're, you see me, I
2:52
feel validated and I was like, OK, you know, and I love it.
2:56
And I get like really nice messages from women and men and
2:59
men. They're like, are we?
3:00
I show your video to my husband and now he understands me more.
3:03
And but my main thing was like, to be funny.
3:07
I wasn't trying to become like the king of perimenopause, you
3:11
know, and but I'll wear that crown if I have to.
3:16
Oh, I'm really happy about it. I'm really happy that people are
3:19
getting something out of them. They think it's funny.
3:21
And I my wife loves it. I show her them to her before I
3:24
post to make sure. Yeah, yeah.
3:26
You're cool with this? She's cool with it.
3:28
She loves seeing the success of it.
3:30
She gives me, helps me. It gives me ideas sometimes.
3:33
So that's basically I'm a comedian 1st and then and this
3:37
is something that hit and this has now become my lane and I'm
3:40
sticking with it. It's great, isn't?
3:42
It Yeah, I love it. Yeah, it's very interesting
3:45
because I've, I've written a few books and my first book on
3:50
menopause was probably about six years ago and it was Penguin
3:56
that was my publisher and I wanted to have perimenopause on
3:59
the, on the cover. So not just menopause.
4:02
And they said, no, it's too long a word, you can't do it.
4:03
No one uses that word. And I said, well, OK, if you
4:06
wanna publish my book, you have the word perimenopause on.
4:08
And it's really interesting cause a lot of people still
4:11
don't know what it is or what's going on.
4:14
Menopause has always been about stopping periods and hot
4:17
flushes, whereas actually the perimenopause, the lead up to
4:20
the menopause, is often far worse for women because you get
4:25
these real shifts and changes in hormone levels.
4:28
And the biggest symptoms are the most commonest and most severe
4:31
symptoms are those affecting the brain and mental health.
4:36
And so, so many women have been misunderstood for decades
4:40
because they have been misdiagnosed with anxiety and
4:43
depression. And it's all in your head and it
4:45
can't be, it can't be your hormones 'cause you're still
4:48
having your periods. So it's so interesting because I
4:52
feel very strongly that women are really intuitive and
4:55
actually give them the information.
4:56
They can work it out themselves, but often they haven't had the
4:59
information. So what you're doing is, is
5:02
completely just validating them and that you're allowing them to
5:07
be heard and understood, which perhaps they haven't been
5:10
before. Well, you know, I've always
5:13
thought of myself as a healer and I'm just, I love that.
5:17
I mean, yeah. Like, I it's good to be doing
5:20
something that's funny and doing something helpful that is
5:25
beneficial to people. Like I didn't go into comedy to
5:28
be any kind of like, you know, validation, source of validation
5:33
for any gender. But I but now that it's
5:36
happening, I'm really into it and I really like it and I like
5:40
it. It feels doubly good.
5:41
It feels good to get a laugh. And then it feels doubly good
5:44
for it to have this like positive effect, you know?
5:47
And one thing I'll say also is that I didn't even realize until
5:51
my wife was going through this that I think what most people
5:53
think about, like perimenopause is actually most of the period
5:58
that it feels like a woman is in.
5:59
Like the menopause is what like when the period ends.
6:02
I'm using period in two different ways.
6:03
But like a period era and then period your period and then like
6:07
but like menopause, correct me if I'm wrong, is like when your
6:09
period stops and maybe for like a year after.
6:12
Well, this is what's interesting actually, because it's
6:14
officially when people have been a year since their last period.
6:17
But it's just bullshit, excuse my language, because like, why
6:20
should we be defined by our periods?
6:22
And a lot of women, if they've had, for example, a
6:24
hysterectomy, they're never going to have periods.
6:25
So you can't work it out. So it's really related to our
6:29
hormone levels being low and they stay low forever.
6:32
So actually a woman is menopausal forever and that lot
6:36
of people think it's just a transition.
6:38
And then you come out the other side.
6:40
And as you know, one of the things I'm very interested in is
6:43
the protective roles of our hormones in our body.
6:45
So even if people don't have symptoms, they have health risks
6:48
of not having those hormones because they're very
6:50
anti-inflammatory in their body. And often when our hormone
6:54
levels stabilize, you know, whether they're stable level,
6:59
stable, high pregnancy or stable sort of middle of the road,
7:04
people often don't get symptoms because the body sort of
7:08
acclimatize is really, it's a bit like if you're hungry
7:11
initially your brain is like on OverDrive telling you how hungry
7:13
you are. And after a while you just, it
7:15
just accommodates and it just sort of adapts.
7:18
And it's the same as menopause actually.
7:19
The body can adapt, but it will often be in a different level
7:22
than a different gear. And obviously, is there more
7:24
inflammation? But in perimenopause, hormone
7:28
levels, especially estradiol, but also testosterone and
7:31
progesterone, really do fluctuate.
7:33
And it's a bit similar to women before they have their periods.
7:38
They can get real changes in their hormone levels just before
7:40
their periods. So those symptoms are the same
7:42
because of the changing hormone levels.
7:44
Yeah. Yeah, I imagine must be like a
7:46
lot of before this was gaining more such awareness.
7:50
I bet there's, like, a lot of, like, divorce and like, you
7:53
know, marriage conflict and everything without the
7:55
understanding, like, I could imagine that husbands are like,
7:59
my wife's. My wife's crazy.
8:00
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, the problem is,
8:02
you know, it's really sad because the divorce rate
8:05
increases in the 40s, but we know that a lot of couples, I
8:09
see so many couples who have just their relationships falling
8:14
apart. And, and it's not because they
8:17
don't love each other, they just can't tolerate each other in the
8:19
same way and they don't realise what's going on.
8:22
And, you know, I, I was Perry Menopausal about 11 years ago
8:26
and, you know, just just looking at the way my husband ate food
8:30
and listening to him breathing was just the most frustrating
8:33
thing ever. It's really hard to explain.
8:35
I had an argument once and I've got three daughters and I, we're
8:39
really close. I've known my husband since I
8:40
was 18, but he we were having breakfast one morning at our
8:43
hotel and another surgeon came over to talk to him and they
8:47
just had a nice chat. And then he left.
8:48
And I said to Paul, who's this guy?
8:50
And he went, well, you've met him before.
8:51
Why were you rude? Why didn't you talk to him?
8:52
I said, because like, you'd never introduced me.
8:54
He said, no, well, you've met him recently.
8:56
I said, well, I don't remember. So rather than leaving it like
8:58
that, I just went on and on and on at him.
9:01
And he said, let's move away from the restaurant because he's
9:03
making a bit of a scene here. And when there was a staircase
9:05
going up to the bedroom and I was still on the staircase
9:08
shouting up at him because go on.
9:10
And my children were in front of me.
9:11
Like it was just the weirdest thing.
9:12
I'm not really a shouting person, but just remember it so
9:15
vividly. And it was like I had this demon
9:17
in my head saying it's fine. You carry on shouting because
9:20
he's awful and you don't need to him and you're fine.
9:22
And you know, and if he had said to me, right, Louise, I'm
9:24
leaving you, I would have gone good.
9:25
Just go because I really had enough.
9:28
Like this is just ridiculous. And even my children, one of
9:31
them says she was so scared because she'd never heard me
9:35
shout out before and was saying, oh, my thinking to herself, oh,
9:38
gosh, I think mommy and daddy going to divorce and what am I
9:40
going to do? Because I don't want to stay
9:42
with her because she's being really horrible.
9:44
But Daddy can't cook and he's what should I do?
9:47
And he's and they're really young and it.
9:49
Yeah. But it does make me realize that
9:51
the impact of that is totally really hard for for like both
9:56
sexes really in different ways. Yeah, without the awareness of
9:59
what's going on. I mean, my, I've had like, it
10:01
was like a year or so ago, it was a win.
10:03
It was winter was around holiday time.
10:05
And like my wife was like, I don't know, she was pissed off
10:09
at me about something and she gave me this.
10:11
I thought I was getting divorced.
10:13
He was like, I don't feel, I don't feel appreciated.
10:15
I don't feel taken care of. She's like, I'm done.
10:18
You don't like think about me. Like, you know, this whole
10:21
tirade and I felt like shit and I was like, wow.
10:24
And she's like, you know, just, she's like, I don't know, like I
10:27
don't know, she like kind of left the conversation like I
10:29
don't know, like it like balls, like it's in your hands now, you
10:32
know, And I was like, I don't even know what to do.
10:35
Like I don't even not really sure like where this came from.
10:37
And like, I mean, I could kind of like, you know, I kind of
10:40
know. I mean, like, if that wasn't
10:42
she's speaking English, so I'm hearing all the words, but like,
10:45
but and then I was like, so I don't know, like a month later I
10:48
said or did something in the way along the lines of like what I
10:52
thought she had been talking about in that conversation.
10:54
I was like, you know, because I was trying to do this because
10:56
of, well, you know, the conversation we had.
10:58
And she was like, what conversation?
10:59
It's like the one where you were on the verge of leaving me, you
11:05
know, remember that one Just like, I don't know.
11:07
Well, anyway, you know, so it was like, it was like
11:11
conversations like that and like we're.
11:13
And yeah. So she can get like, really
11:15
pissed off. And then like, it's like a
11:17
spell, like, kind of like you were describing, you know, and
11:21
and it's wonderful, you know, it's great.
11:24
I'm just happy to be here, you know, part of everything.
11:28
Sabi, she's still with me, but the awareness helps because, you
11:32
know, periods men get used to if you're within a relationship,
11:35
oh, it's that time of the month. I can see like it's happening
11:38
again or whatever. But with the perimenopause,
11:41
you're like, it's not the time of the month.
11:42
So like what's going on, you know, and then you're just, you
11:45
feel crazy and I have to go to another room to eat cereal.
11:47
Also, I'm not allowed to eat in the same room with her.
11:52
So, and sometimes I'm just like, like I was taking a picture of
11:55
our floor, our bathroom floor. And I was like, oh, she's like,
12:01
what are you doing? I was like, I'm just taking some
12:03
pictures of forum upload. I want to upload the ChatGPT to
12:06
see if they know how it can be fixed.
12:07
And she's like, why are you doing that?
12:09
And I was like, why can't I do it?
12:12
You know, like I'm not like hiring, I'm not spending any
12:14
money. I'm just literally seeing if it
12:16
has any ideas about how to fix it.
12:18
And it's like those moments when I'm like, that's also
12:22
perimenopausal, where she's just annoyed with me, with whatever
12:26
I'm doing. It has no effect on her or our
12:28
life. But something about what I'm
12:30
doing is horrible. Yeah.
12:32
It's triggering, yeah. Yeah.
12:34
And I think, you know, it's really difficult for partners
12:38
and you know, partners of any gender because I have quite a
12:41
lot of patients are in the same sex relationships and you know,
12:44
they're both of them are perimenopausal and they're.
12:47
Really good. I've been wondering about that
12:48
too. I I wrote in my notes that I
12:50
keep like like comedy ideas. It's like how do how do you know
12:54
same sex partners deal with this that?
12:56
Would be insane. They have different often people
12:57
have everyone's experience is different.
12:59
So the symptoms can be different and you know, they it can be
13:04
really difficult. I've had some patients who
13:08
you've just treated one of them and they feel really well and
13:11
then the other one maybe is a bit younger or different and
13:14
then starts, but then they can recognize it a lot quicker.
13:17
But it it's very difficult. It can be very disconcerting
13:20
because it's also very hard to tease out.
13:22
You know, is it because, you know, I've been with my husband
13:24
for decades. Is it is it because of that or
13:27
is it because of that or is it something else?
13:29
And if you've got children, then how do you know what's going on?
13:32
Because life's busy and everything.
13:33
But one of my big issues is that women have often been gaslit and
13:38
told, oh, you're like this because you're stressed, because
13:41
you've got three children, because you're working full
13:43
time, because because they never say that to my husband.
13:46
And it's like, hang on. I've I've always coped with
13:48
having three children and a busy job.
13:50
So something else has changed. And then I think if people
13:54
realize that it could be a hormonal imbalance, the next
13:57
thing is thinking about what can I do about the imbalance?
14:00
Because women shouldn't be suffering and neither should the
14:03
men who are watching them suffer really.
14:05
So that's the biggest problem is that the majority of women who
14:09
are perimenopausal are still not able to access evidence based
14:13
treatment, which is just wrong. So there's all this needless
14:15
suffering that's going on and women have to work it out for
14:18
themselves. I know it stinks, although it's
14:19
starting, it's seemingly it's, I mean, I'm not the only account
14:22
I've seen talk about perimenopause on Instagram.
14:24
So it seems like it's getting more awareness now, which is
14:28
good. I imagine it's even like doubly
14:30
difficult if you are the spouse who's not going through
14:33
perimenopause. Then if your, if your partner's
14:36
like, I'm really pissed off at you and it's not my period and
14:40
I'm not, it's not perimenopause. It's actually just you like,
14:44
like, then you start to be like, I hope it.
14:47
I hope it is. You start to pray.
14:48
Like maybe this is just perimenopause that she actually
14:50
doesn't make, you know, because then it's like, but yeah, I
14:54
mean, I see. I see it happening more, which
14:57
is good. I mean, I didn't even know about
14:59
it until my wife was going through it.
15:00
I'd never heard of the word. I heard of menopause.
15:02
I never heard the word Perry. No, a lot of people don't, but
15:07
it is interesting because it can work both ways in relationships.
15:09
I remember many years ago a lady came back to me and she said I'd
15:12
like to thank you because I've now divorced my husband and Oh
15:15
dear. Well, she said, well, I suddenly
15:18
started to feel so much better on my hormones.
15:20
I had a real solid look at myself and thought, what am I
15:24
doing with this person that I actually haven't enjoyed being
15:26
with for the last five years? But I didn't have the energy, I
15:28
didn't have the space, I didn't have the motivation to leave
15:31
him. And now I have because I feel
15:33
better. And I realised, you know, she
15:34
was only in her mid 40s. Should I realised I've got a
15:37
whole, you know, hopefully next chapter ahead of me.
15:39
And I, I felt really guilty as a doctor that I'd split up the
15:44
relationship in a weird way. But I've known her for many
15:46
years now and and then she's have this new lease of life.
15:49
I just think that's actually something that's, you know, can
15:52
be a positive thing as well. And it's interesting.
15:56
That's like a thank you menopause, like PSA or
15:59
something, you know, thank you. Most people think they're going
16:03
to lose out on life. So you get I got my life back
16:06
because of it. Yeah.
16:08
Hopefully that won't be my story.
16:11
No. Yeah.
16:14
No, I don't think so. Yeah, it's, it's rough out
16:19
there. So what what are the symptoms or
16:22
what are the things that you've learned about perimenopals that
16:25
have surprised you the most with what you're doing and the
16:28
feedback that you're guessing? I mean, I only have the
16:31
experience, my direct experience with with my partner, my wife,
16:35
so. But just the feedback on social
16:37
media for. Well, the feedback on social
16:38
media is just been, I got one negative response.
16:42
I, I had an interview in People magazine online, people online
16:46
and there's like one comment on it or maybe there's like 3, but
16:50
like, and the first one was what a self-righteous jerk.
16:54
And I was like, Oh, OK, well, so, and if I had gotten hundreds
16:57
of those, I would start to take a look at myself and be like,
16:59
what am I doing? But it's the only one.
17:01
Thank God. Most of them I get, I get and
17:04
comments on the videos that are like, I look forward to these.
17:09
I can't wait for them. The one this is me.
17:11
You understand us. She is her.
17:14
Oh my God, my like one of the things my wife says is her
17:18
coffee smells like tuna fish. It's like some weird
17:20
perimenopausal smell thing. Other people were like, my
17:24
coffee smells like tuna fish. Oh my God, the smells.
17:26
I did made one in perimenopausal Spidey sense of smell because I
17:29
think her smell is like sense of smell is insane.
17:32
She's like, there's like rotting water somewhere in the house,
17:35
you know, sounds like, oh, they should like work with the police
17:38
to like solve crimes or something.
17:40
And, and all women are like, that's me.
17:42
I'm having Oh my God, I thought I was going some of them like I,
17:44
I thought I was going crazy, you know, but no, that I now I
17:47
realize like, oh, it's maybe part of this.
17:49
Some women are like, I'm not going to pre menopause, but I'm
17:51
also experiencing this. But it's been a lot of like
17:54
positive validation, feeling seen that kind of thing.
18:00
And then, you know, like thinking it's funny also, which
18:03
is always good. Yeah, it's a great balance
18:06
because I don't feel that you're making fun of women, but you are
18:09
enabling them to think and understand and like you say,
18:12
feel validated. And and I've written a chapter
18:15
in my new book about women who aren't being listened to.
18:18
And that's the biggest problem actually, I think in healthcare
18:22
in that patients, especially women, and are not believed and
18:25
not listened to and not understood.
18:27
And as a doctor, you almost have a, a tick box of symptoms.
18:31
And if you know you get enough ticks, then they've got this
18:34
diagnosis. If they've got some other
18:35
symptoms, you've got that diagnosis.
18:37
And for so many of us, we haven't had really good training
18:42
in hormones and perimenopause. And so, you know, if if I was a
18:46
neurologist and someone came to me with tinnitus, ringing in the
18:50
ears and maybe some that you say some smell changes, I'd be
18:54
trying to work out the pathways in the brain, do a scan and work
18:57
out if there was, you know, a tumor or something going on that
19:00
was causing. And if the scan was normal, I
19:02
would say it's patient when it's normal, you're normal and they
19:05
would go well, no, I'm still having these symptoms.
19:07
If I was a cardiologist, I and someone had palpitations, I
19:11
would just focus on the heart and you can see it.
19:13
You know, medicine is very siloed.
19:15
So actually to have someone that can explain the reason for those
19:19
symptoms is incredibly validating.
19:21
Because otherwise you do almost drive yourself mad thinking
19:24
maybe I am making it up. You know, like, why would I make
19:27
up that my coffee smells of tuna fish?
19:29
You know what I mean? But if you're the only person
19:31
thinking that, then it's like, okay, well, maybe it's just me
19:34
being a bit weird, but you're validating and allowing other
19:37
people to go. Oh gosh.
19:38
And then, you know, we know that our hormones, progesterone,
19:41
estradiol and testosterone work everywhere.
19:44
So they affect the, the, the pathways from our nose to our
19:48
olfactory centre, which is what determines our, the way we
19:52
smell. And those pathways are disturbed
19:55
if you don't have hormones or you have fluctuating hormones.
19:58
So we know why it happens and and often people when they have
20:01
the right dose and type of hormones.
20:03
These symptoms really, really improve, but the first thing
20:06
about any diagnosis is, is making it, and if people aren't
20:09
looking at the bigger picture or doctors aren't, then women are
20:13
just being dismissed left, right and centre.
20:15
Yeah, it stinks. I it's, it's, it's terrible.
20:21
I feel bad. I think even with the awareness,
20:23
there's clearly still like a gap because I think that I probably
20:27
wouldn't be getting as much attention if it was more
20:30
mainstream. You know, I think women are
20:31
coming. Like when you see the videos,
20:33
they're like, oh, I'm not crazy. And even though I knew about
20:37
perimenopause, this is even, it drives it home.
20:40
They're like, I feel much better now.
20:42
So I think you're right. Like it's like all the more
20:46
awareness that we can get as as possible, I mean.
20:50
Yeah, I mean, it's great. One of the things I know it
20:52
sounds weird as a doctor is I actually don't like to prescribe
20:55
drugs that are necessary to people.
20:58
And, you know, one in three perimenopausal women, especially
21:02
in the US, are taking antidepressants for their
21:04
hormonal imbalance, which is just ridiculous actually, when
21:07
you think about it. Right.
21:08
That's, that's often because of the anxiety and their new mood
21:11
and people have misdiagnosed them with clinical depression
21:14
and forgotten about the role of hormones in the in the brain.
21:18
Yeah, it's really. Yeah, yeah.
21:20
So a lot of people have been medicalized inappropriately and
21:24
they've not had the knowledge to almost question and push back.
21:29
And I feel especially over the last year or two, women have
21:32
become more empowered so then they can make choices that are
21:37
right for them. And a lot of my work is just
21:39
imparting my knowledge so people can make those choices.
21:42
But I think when they have this light bulb moment, almost like
21:45
me shouting at my husband isn't because I hate him, it's
21:47
because, you know, the hormones are changing in my and in my
21:51
brain and, you know, just this weird behavior.
21:54
It's just different. And then they can join the dots
21:58
and then hopefully say to their doctor, a healthcare
22:00
professional, look, I'm getting XYZ symptoms.
22:03
I feel they're my hormones. Please can I talk to you about
22:06
hormones? Whereas before people would just
22:08
literally talk about 1 symptom and then the doctor would
22:11
compartmentalize it into one diagnosis and that's when often
22:14
they were given the wrong treatment.
22:15
I was going to say it feels lazy, but I suppose they're just
22:18
working with whatever they know. Well, this is the thing and I've
22:22
done the same for many years as a family physician.
22:24
You know, someone will come maybe with a urinary tract
22:27
infection and I'd go, OK, you've got an infection, have some
22:30
antibiotic. I didn't, wouldn't then say, oh,
22:32
you're having any palpitations. What's the mood like?
22:34
What's the sleep like? And that's why we've developed a
22:37
symptom questionnaire which people can fill out and then
22:40
work it out themselves because, you know, then they can say,
22:43
well, actually I'm having these urinary symptoms, but I'm also
22:46
having mood changes and I can't sleep whatever.
22:48
And I think it's my hormones because my periods of it all
22:51
over the place. And then, you know, as a doctor,
22:53
you want your patients to help you.
22:54
Do you know what I mean? It's so much more productive.
22:57
Yeah, totally. Especially if you're limited.
23:00
You know, I used to only have 10 minute consultations.
23:03
So you would focus very much on the problem that the patient
23:06
came with you. Where is that?
23:07
When the patients are more empowered, you can start in a
23:10
very different level. And I'm hoping, you know, that's
23:13
how with all your work, that it's just so brilliant that
23:16
women are then going back and thinking, right.
23:18
OK, I've worked out that it's it's not me going mad.
23:21
So what am I going to do about it?
23:22
Because the suffering is immense.
23:24
Like it's just awful for women where they have symptoms for
23:27
years and years. It's awful.
23:30
Well, my goal is that someone, a woman can walk into a doctor's
23:33
office and just be like, show her my video.
23:37
You know, this, this is this is how I feel.
23:39
Yeah. Do you do you find like is there
23:43
pushback on from male doctors about all this in London?
23:49
I don't know how if you speak to doctors around the world, but or
23:52
just in your city, like do you find that like they're less
23:56
accepting of your of these beliefs like?
24:00
I think male doctors, this is a generalization, are more
24:03
accepting than a lot of female doctors.
24:05
There's a lot of female doctors that are my age, you know, I
24:09
mean, I'm 55, but and my age and older and they've never had a
24:13
problem. They've never had a symptom.
24:15
So they just think it's all just ridiculous.
24:17
And quite a few doctors now have said to our patients or
24:21
menopause is just a fad. Perimenopause is just a just a,
24:26
a media term or it's just a buzzword, a new fashion
24:29
buzzwords. Yeah.
24:30
And and it's almost like because they don't.
24:32
Have so good. On I know it's like, what?
24:35
Because they didn't have a problem, they don't think it's
24:38
an issue. And I think that's a very
24:40
dangerous place to be as a doctor.
24:43
You know, I've never had psychosis, but does that mean I
24:46
can't treat people who've had a psychotic episode or somebody?
24:49
Like Empathy 101. Yeah, yeah.
24:51
So, so there's this sort of willful ignorance and blindness
24:54
that goes on, which I think is is really not very validating
24:58
for women. And so, and there's this
25:00
misunderstanding so much about menopause and hormone treatment.
25:04
It's just, you know, a sort of a celebrity drug that people take
25:09
rather than something that actually can really transform
25:12
the quality of life and improve their future health as well.
25:15
And, you know, we know from many studies that women who take
25:18
hormones live longer, which is huge, Like, and they have less
25:22
osteoporosis, they have less heart disease.
25:25
Like it's, it's massive, but it's somehow if doctors don't
25:28
know it, they don't tell their patients and then they're
25:30
dismissing them. You know, we, we have lots of
25:33
patients that are told you're too young to have symptoms.
25:36
It can't be your hormones. And like, that's no one's too
25:38
young. My youngest patient was 12 when
25:41
she became menopausal because her ovaries didn't develop
25:44
properly. Yeah, I know.
25:45
Yeah. So Can you imagine being
25:46
perimenopausal at school and no one being able to pick it up?
25:50
You know that's so. What's that called?
25:52
Yeah, well, she had these things.
25:54
She had streak ovaries. So like the tiny ovaries that
25:57
didn't develop, so they weren't producing hormones.
26:01
And then I had another patient who was 14, she had a cyst
26:03
removed from her ovaries and then a year later, another cyst,
26:06
but they essentially removed most of her ovaries.
26:08
So she's sitting in class, like not being able to concentrate,
26:12
not having a clue what's going on.
26:13
And who do you talk to, You know?
26:15
So it took, it took both of those people 10 years for
26:18
diagnosis and then another. 10 years for.
26:20
The right treatment. It's awful.
26:21
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so you know, and then people
26:25
think we can exercise our way out of manifolds or we can, you
26:28
know, do some mindfulness or whatever and you know, it's a
26:32
humane deficiency. You wouldn't do that if someone
26:34
had an under active thyroid gland.
26:36
You wouldn't say, OK, just go for a walk in the woods and.
26:39
Do a bit of challenge. You'll be you'll be fine.
26:41
Show a glass of water. Yeah.
26:43
You'll be OK. So yeah, you.
26:46
Guys, you go through a lot in this life.
26:49
Yeah, we do. And it's so unnecessary,
26:51
believable. It's just too much.
26:54
Yeah. And, and it's not even, you
26:56
know, you're, you're going to have to branch out, have to
26:59
mentor a bit because there's a lot of women with PMDD,
27:03
premenstrual dysphoric disorder and PMS where, you know, they,
27:06
they have essentially perimenopause just for a few
27:08
days before each period. So their mood drops, have become
27:11
more anxious, they can come more irritable and then the period
27:14
comes and they feel fine. But again, it's the same 'cause
27:17
it's a hormonal change and that's been normalized.
27:19
Like for women, we're told, Oh well, you will feel a bit crap a
27:22
few days before your periods. But what?
27:25
When I see women like that, I'll often give them some hormones,
27:29
usually just some progesterone for a few days.
27:31
And then they feel the same every day of the month, which is
27:34
incredibly important because if you're getting a symptom on
27:37
those days where you've got a big, I don't know, assignment at
27:40
work or you're at school and you're doing a big exam or you
27:43
know, like you wouldn't say to a man or three days a month,
27:45
you're just going to feel a bit shit and you might not go to the
27:47
gym and you'll won't be able to sleep and you'll argue with your
27:50
partner. Men would go, what?
27:51
Well, is there a treatment? Can I?
27:53
If any of this happened to men, it would be solved.
27:56
Yeah, of course it would. But we've got a solution.
27:57
It's just can't be accessed. That's what's really
27:59
frustrating, but well at. Least you get, you know, a solid
28:03
week or a few days a month where everything's fine you.
28:06
Know it was great. You shouldn't complain.
28:08
You know you're not looking on the.
28:11
Bright, we're so lucky. There's there's a solid two or
28:15
three days when everybody's good and I think that's yeah, yeah,
28:20
that's a good place to be. So yeah, well, it's great.
28:24
I, I, it's, it's brilliant. And I'm looking forward to
28:27
seeing how your content progresses and empowers.
28:30
Yeah, me too. It's brilliant.
28:32
So, so before we end, I always ask for three take home tips.
28:35
Actually 3 three things that I'm going to ask you that have
28:40
surprised you the most about the work that you do.
28:43
What are the three things that you were really surprised about
28:46
that you didn't know before? With making these videos.
28:49
Just yeah. In general, yeah.
28:51
In general, I think I think the validation was a big surprise
28:55
the, the, the community that was developing and the the I am her,
29:01
she is US. I love your wife.
29:02
All this. That's that was an unanticipated
29:06
that was unanticipated. Three other surprises.
29:12
I think. I mean, it's sort of a offshoot
29:14
of that one, but just how popular the topic is, you know,
29:19
how how much it blew up like as a as someone who's been trying
29:24
to be creative in a different in a lot of different ways over the
29:26
years, you know, with stand up clips and other comedy ideas
29:29
that I make into social media videos and scripts like, and
29:33
that didn't take off. You know, that there was this
29:35
sort of ready audience like like a rabbit glide, perimenopausal
29:40
audience, like waiting unknowingly perhaps for these
29:42
videos. So that was a surprise that just
29:45
like the audience that's out there that was, that wanted this
29:49
content and and that it would be, and these are all sort of
29:54
like subsets of the first one, but and that this would be my
29:59
where my success comes from, you know, like that.
30:02
I, I thought I would be like, and I may still be, you know, TV
30:06
comedy, right? I just had such an idea, a
30:08
different idea of like how I would become successful, you
30:10
know, You know, I had dreams of like being a successful stand up
30:13
and this may get parlayed into like some kind of successful
30:16
touring show as my, I don't know when what way it'll be and what
30:21
incarnation. But like, you know, I thought I
30:23
was going to be like a like a like an original, like edgy
30:27
comic stand up or, or some like innovative like TV writer or
30:32
something. And it's like, no, I'm going to
30:34
be the voice of perimenopause. Turns out, you know, so that was
30:38
a big surprise I think because I think I'm going to stay in this
30:40
lane for a while. I think that's where my success
30:42
is happening. I think this is like, and I like
30:44
it and it feels fun and I like the response.
30:47
So I think that's just a personal surprise.
30:50
It's like where my life is heading.
30:53
Well, you know, the more that you can educate people, the more
30:56
that you can people resonate with you, the better in my mind.
31:00
So keep going. It's thank you.
31:02
I plan to, yeah. And I'm so glad.
31:05
Thanks for having me.