Latest / Yes And Land / Lion King and Self-Trust | Jeremy Cameron

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Lion King and Self-Trust | Jeremy Cameron · Yes And Land

• 0:00
  And I remember I was crying in there. I can't
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  do it by myself. And so I went from a very highly
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  paid technology job to I'm crawling under somebody's
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  house, installing a wood stove. When we think
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  about Scar, Scar wanted something big. He wanted
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  something huge. He wanted to be kink. What's
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  the difference between Simba remembering who
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  he was and believing in himself and Scar? doing
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  much the same thing with vastly different purposes
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  and outcomes. If I was to look at the way that
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  Simba shows up and the way that Mufasa showed
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  up, ultimately it's through the lens of love.
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  And if I was to look at the way that Scar showed
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  up, it's through the lens of fear, through power
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  and through manipulation. But what got planted
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  in my mind is I can't do it by myself. And anytime
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  a big decision showed up for me, I felt the need.
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  to ask somebody else, to get to the point where
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  I felt paralyzed in making the big decisions.
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  Just get to know yourself. Get curious about
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  who you are right now. Get curious about what
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  you like, what you don't like, and write it down.
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  Hey, this is me. Love it. Take it or leave it.
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  Welcome to Yes And Land. where we say yes to
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  the reality of yesterday and today, and we say
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  and to the possibility, growth, and imagination
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  of tomorrow. Welcome, everybody, to another episode
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  of Yes and Land. We are very excited for our
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  guest today. Jeremy Cameron is here with us.
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  He is a coach. He has experience in the tech
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  world for many, many years and has taken some
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  amazing experiences that he's had in life, things
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  that he's learned, and he's spinning that into
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  really helping people step into their own. He's
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  helping people get coached through things where
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  they're a little bit stuck, maybe needing a breakthrough.
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  And he's doing some really amazing things in
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  helping people find that something more, that
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  something that they're missing. And so we're
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  really excited where the conversation is going
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  to take us today. Today, we're going to be talking
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  about self -trust, right? Perhaps a little about
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  intuition, trusting your gut, maybe. And we're
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  going to do that through the lens of a wonderful
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  Disney movie that many, many people know, at
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  least my generation, our generation, right? The
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  Lion King. When we were growing up, I mean, Lion
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  King was huge. And that was in the early 90s.
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  It was like peak Disney movie time, right? The
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  golden generation of Disney movies. It'd be really
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  great for us to take a look at that through the
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  lens of Lion King today. So very excited. Welcome,
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  Jeremy. Thank you so much for having me, Ryan.
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  I'm so excited to be here. It should be a good
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  time. Absolutely. So let's talk a little bit
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  about your background. Referenced it briefly,
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  but... Let's talk about kind of where you started
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  from. When you finished high school, did you
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  do some college? What did you do to end up getting
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  into the tech world? Absolutely. So I graduated
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  in 1995. I went to a year of college, and I got
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  to college, and the dot -com boom was just starting
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  to take off. And I was realizing, I was like,
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  you know, I love technology, and I was actually
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  teaching technology when I was in high school.
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  And I was like, i can learn i can go pay a whole
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  bunch of money to learn technology or i can have
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  somebody pay me to learn it and so i left college
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  after a year and founded my own company learned
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  a ton from founding that company for sure and
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  then continued to work in tech throughout the
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  dot -com era obviously we know how that all ended
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  um immediately after that i wound up installing
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  wood stoves because that's what happened after
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  the tech bubble burst you had all these very
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  qualified technology professionals taking whatever
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  they could and so i went from a very highly paid
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  technology job to i'm crawling under somebody's
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  house installing a wood stove and From there,
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  continued back to the tech field once the economy
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  stabilized. Yeah. Grew and grew and grew a little
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  bit. Stepped in from individual contributor,
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  stepped into leadership roles, began building
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  teams, began leading and managing teams. I was
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  at Live Nation for a bit. And my core... Client
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  was house of blues and so we ended up building
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  the marketing presence for house of blues amazing
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  and then from there stepped into I went from
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  managing three teams of 12 and massive leap to
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  managing 25 teams and over 300 people and Quickly
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  realized in that moment. Yeah in a team of 12
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  I can bring in my heroic efforts Sure, and my
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  heroic efforts can save the day But when I'm
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  dealing with 25 people working on a multi -hundred
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  million dollar project, my heroic efforts aren't
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  even going to move the needle. And so it moved
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  from I can lead these people directly to I'm
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  going to put people in the best opportunities
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  for them to win. I'm going to hold them accountable,
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  but I'm also going to give them all the support
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  they need to be successful. Because they needed
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  to be the ones that were going to be able to
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  implement it. You couldn't do it all. I couldn't
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  do it all. No one could rely on your efforts.
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  physically impossible. Like, unless I figured
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  out the 148 hour day, and even still, why would
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  I want to do that? Yeah, for sure. So take me
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  back then. So I think journeys like this are
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  always interesting. So where did you dig down
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  to trust yourself enough to leave college? and
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  start your own business? Because, I mean, was
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  it naivete? Like we all know that like most businesses
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  that start fail. It's a really, really high percentage
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  of businesses that start fail. Where did you
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  dig down from to have the courage and the trust
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  to do that? So you're absolutely right. It was
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  a gut feeling. It was just a feeling of, I believe
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  in myself. I think I can do this for my experience.
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  My definition of failure is, did you learn something?
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  And so it's not a matter of, is your business
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  still running or not? But did you learn something?
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  And so I haven't had a failed business, even
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  though I have several businesses that aren't
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  running anymore. I've learned from each one of
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  them. And so in that business, I learned what
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  it took to run a business. I had no idea before
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  then. And so it was powerful for me. to be able
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  to step in and go, I got this. I can do this.
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  All right. I learned from that. I'm going to
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  go lick my wounds a little bit. I'm going to
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  go work for somebody else. I'm going to go rebuild.
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  I'm going to go start again. And I'm not starting
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  from nothing. I'm starting from the experience
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  I gained the first time. And then go run that
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  business. Learn some more. Go work for somebody
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  else for a while. Did you have somebody though
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  during that time that was mentoring you to do
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  that? Because I think for a lot of people, that's
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  a really hard thing to do. We hear it. Hey, yeah,
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  there's no failures. There are lessons that are
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  learned. We hear that all the time, right? And
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  I believe in that principle. But to actually
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  do it is not that easy, right? Because when you're
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  experiencing that, like you don't start a business.
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  wanting for it to go out of business. You don't
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  start a business wanting it to fail or to have
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  that hard lesson. And so when someone's thinking
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  about it for their life, like, was it a mentor?
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  What was it that helped you have that courage
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  to say, even if it goes out of business, I'm
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  going to learn a lesson? So my parents were both
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  entrepreneurs. Okay, that helps. That helps,
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  right? Yes. So my parents owned an auto repair
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  shop for 40 years. And they ran it together and
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  I got to see the good times. I got to see the
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  hard times. And so just being around the entrepreneurial
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  spirit, I just grew up in that. I didn't have
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  a mentor per se, but I was always just of the
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  opinion of I can figure this out. And that's
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  just been my worldview since I started. Out of
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  curiosity, what was your major going to be before
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  you dropped out of school? I was still deciding.
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  I was still very much in the decision process.
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  I knew I loved technology. My dad wanted me to
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  go study religious. So we were still having that
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  conversation. was I was curious as to whether
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  or not you were looking at something like engineering,
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  right? When I hear like I knew I was just going
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  to figure it out, that is like very much like
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  an engineer brain, like I'm going to figure this
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  out, right? Like this is a problem. I'm going
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  to break it down. I'm going to see what the parts
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  are and I'm going to go figure this out. And
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  in that kind of mentality, whether or not it's
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  an engineer, that kind of mentality really does,
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  I think, help when it comes to entrepreneurship.
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  Yeah. And some of the most successful engineers
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  i've known engineering brains are also creative
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  and so combine the fact that i love to figure
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  things out with the fact that i'm a musician
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  and as a musician you're starting with an idea
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  yeah and okay what would it take in order to
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  turn this idea into what i'm feeling yeah and
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  so being able to bring the best of both worlds
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  together has been really fun so tell me this
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  too because one of the things that i heard you
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  say is that after kind of the dot -com bubble
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  burst that you went to installing stoves yes
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  so where did you have to go where did you have
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  to find within yourself to say like i'm going
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  to be humble enough just to take this job installing
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  stoves right because i think when i see certain
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  people who lose a job or lose an opportunity
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  it's like they'll just stay unemployed always
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  just waiting around for what the perfect next
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  gig is and i i just i just don't like that mentality
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  right right where was it for you they're like
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  i'm just i'm gonna stall stoves right it came
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  down to i need to pay my bills yeah and just
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  having that pragmatic approach and looking at
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  it and going this may not be my dream job but
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  this is the job that's here And I'm going to
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  take it. I'm going to go do my best. I actually
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  wasn't very good at installing stoves, but I
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  did my best. And I did it for as long as I could
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  until the next opportunity opened up for me.
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  Yeah. You know, I do think that there is real
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  value in that and just doing something sometimes
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  because you need to. And I remember during law
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  school, between my first and second year of law
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  school, There wasn't a lot of internships available
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  at that time. This was back in 2007, where the
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  economy is really starting to go downwards, right?
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  It was not trending in the right direction. So
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  I didn't have a gig. I had an old missionary
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  companion that lived here in Utah. I went to
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  law school in Baylor. So I came back here to
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  Utah for the summer. And he and I... uh his i
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  think it was his uncle owned a flooring company
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  and he and i delivered flooring all summer yeah
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  and we would pack the flooring on our shoulders
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  and i would have to like wear extra padding because
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  i just wasn't used to manual labor but we did
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  it we did it day after day and it was just what
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  we needed to do because i needed to have some
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  income in the summer but but i just i always
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  think there's two like you said there's lessons
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  in the things that you do right What it taught
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  me is just showing up, right? Showing up and
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  just doing your best. Like sometimes it's going
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  to hurt. Sometimes it's going to be hard. Sometimes
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  you're going to end up with those calluses from
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  the things that you're doing literally or figuratively,
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  but just keep showing up and keep doing it. What
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  do you think the lessons are that you learned
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  from your experience doing the stoves that helped
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  you as an entrepreneur? So I think one of the
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  lessons that I learned is show up. and do your
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  best so one of my favorite books is the four
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  agreements the four agreements yes okay who's
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  that by don miguel ruiz okay we're gonna put
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  that link in the show notes and it's a very quick
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  read it's a very simple read i recommend it for
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  all my clients and i actually just had one of
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  my clients who's in her 60s come back to me and
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  go i read the book i realized what a game changer
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  this is she's like i've been living my life totally
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  blaming other people. And she's like, I'm ready
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  to take control of my life. And I was like, yes,
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  good. You go girl. Yeah. And what was so fun.
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  So the four agreements always do your best, be
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  impeccable with your word, never make assumptions.
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  And, um, Oh shoot. What's the fourth one? I always,
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  I always remember three out of four. Yeah. Um,
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  So there's four of them. Always do your best.
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  Be impeccable with your word. Never make assumptions.
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  Don't take anything personally. And I read that
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  book in 2013. I've been working on mastering
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  those principles since then. I'm still not there,
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  but I've come a long way. And so if I was to
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  tie that in, always do my best. As an entrepreneur,
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  we're always doing our best. There's days where
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  I show up and I'm just ready to go. I am so excited.
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  I'm lit up. I am passionate about it. And there's
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  days where I show up and it's like, oh, boy,
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  let's go. I got this. I think I think I know.
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  Let's go. And some days my 60 percent, if I give
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  60 percent out of 60, that's my best. Sure. Some
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  days. If I show up and I give, I was actually
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  talking to a client of mine. He's a former, he's
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  a former officer in the army, commanded 40 ,000
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  people in multiple tours. And he was having a
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  conversation with Lloyd Austin, who was one of,
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  he was the secretary, one of the secretaries
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  at the time. I think he was secretary of the
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  army. Lloyd Austin came in and he's like, I want
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  you guys to give 110 % every day. And he looks
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  at Lloyd Austin, who's the secretary of the army
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  at the time. And he goes, sir, I would love to
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  do that for you, but I can't. He's like, I will
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  give you 110 % today and I will give you 90 %
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  tomorrow because that's what I have. And so he's,
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  he's looks at him and then. Lloyd Austin's aide
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  pulls him aside and just rips him a new one.
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  And then Lloyd Austin comes up to him afterwards
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  and says, I hear you. You're absolutely right.
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  Thank you for saying that. And so there's days
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  where we give 110 % and we need to realize, hey,
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  I got 90 % today to give. If I try to push beyond
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  that, I'm abandoning myself. I'm depleting myself.
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  It's not sustainable. And so it's being present
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  with where am I at today? How can I show up fully
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  as my best self today? Hey, one more thing before
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  we move on. There's a show I've gotten really
• 16:02
  into lately called The Wisdom of Walt. And I
• 16:06
  don't usually do this, but it's earned it. If
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  our show is your kind of thing, I'll bet you'll
• 16:11
  enjoy that one too. So go give it a listen. So
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  I have a question with that because this is something
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  that I always think about when these types of
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  things come up. because i agree with that right
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  i agree with the principle that like we're not
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  going to always have our maximum to give every
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  single day and and by the same token i think
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  there's also times though where we can fall into
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  the trap of using that as an excuse to not do
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  our best that day so if we have 60 that day we
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  then use that as an excuse to give 30. so we
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  don't actually give a hundred percent of what
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  we do have to give how do you coach people to
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  recognize what they actually have to give, and
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  then to give the full amount that they have to
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  give rather than use it as an excuse to give
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  virtually nothing. Absolutely. So the first step
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  is check in with yourself. Where am I at today?
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  Be present. So where am I at right now? And be
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  honest about it. So for me, the first step is
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  check in. The second step is be in integrity
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  with yourself. And integrity is a fascinating
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  word for me. I've done a word study on it. So
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  integrity comes from the word integer. Integer
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  means whole. And so if I have 60%, the whole
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  amount for me to give is 60%. If I'm giving less
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  than that, I'm not an integrity. And so integrity
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  is when my actions, my words, my energy align.
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  I have a friend who took a concept that I had.
• 17:45
  and simplified it even more which is and we talked
• 17:48
  about it yesterday on our podcast which is words
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  actions over words energy over both and when
• 17:56
  all three are aligned i'm in integrity and when
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  i'm in integrity when who i am is an integrity
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  then what i do matches who i am it was fun because
• 18:09
  we actually filmed an episode yesterday called
• 18:11
  who are you when no one's watching and in those
• 18:15
  moments nobody might be watching but it matters
• 18:20
  to you because you're building that state of
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  i trust myself i'm gonna show up for myself i'm
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  showing up because this matters to me i'm showing
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  up because this is who i am and i'm showing up
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  because i want my life and i want everything
• 18:39
  in my life to reflect who i am right now yeah
• 18:42
  yeah i love it So I love where we're going with
• 18:46
  this. Let's bring in the movie lens. Yeah. Let's
• 18:51
  bring in some Lion King, okay? So when I was
• 18:54
  thinking through kind of this overall topic and
• 18:56
  the way that I kind of saw some things with The
• 19:00
  Lion King, one of the things I wanted to ask
• 19:03
  you about was when we look at kind of the arc
• 19:06
  of The Lion King. um one of the things i think
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  we see at the beginning that i think is just
• 19:13
  a really interesting something interesting i
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  think we all experience to some degree when we're
• 19:20
  young and maybe naive which is when simba sings
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  i just can't wait to be king right because like
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  okay he he doesn't know much about life he doesn't
• 19:29
  really know much about what it means to be a
• 19:31
  king but he still has that sense of wonder and
• 19:35
  a belief that like yeah I'm going to be king.
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  Can't wait. Can't wait for this. I'm so excited
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  for this thing to happen. And so, you know, where
• 19:44
  does that suddenly get lost for us? Why do we
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  lose that sense of wonder and possibility of
• 19:52
  what we could do and we stop trusting ourselves?
• 19:55
  Yeah. And you think about so many kids, say they're
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  three, four, five, six years old. They dream.
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  have imagination they make believe that was one
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  of the reasons i got into improv comedy is i
• 20:11
  was like oh my gosh i loved that phase of my
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  life i'm gonna go do that again as an adult and
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  in those moments we're born with that desire
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  to dream that desire for anything to be possible
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  so simba singing i just can't wait to be king
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  is no different than johnny being like i can't
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  wait to be an astronaut or i don't know what
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  your thing was but like i had so many different
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  things from an astronaut to a cowboy to working
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  with my dad you name it i probably dreamed it
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  but then what happens is we start getting around
• 20:54
  people and we start getting into schools or friend
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  groups and we start hearing what's acceptable
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  what's expected what our obligations are and
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  we start choosing to fit in instead of belonging
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  and when i fit in it's like taking that square
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  peg and trying to put it into the round hole
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  hey you might be a square peg that like that
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  might be your authentic self but all we have
• 21:24
  is this round hole so you're gonna have to shrink
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  yourself in order to fit in this hole that's
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  what normalization is yeah and how often do people
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  whether it's covertly or overtly here the way
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  you're showing up right now is not acceptable
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  it's not good enough you're too much You need
• 21:49
  to tone it down. Hey, stop acting out. Hey, stop
• 21:53
  crying. Hey, you're being ridiculous. And we
• 21:59
  wind up by doing that, teaching people that it's
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  not safe to be who they truly are. And so people
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  start putting on masks and they start figuring
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  out what would be acceptable. What parts of me
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  are acceptable and what parts do I need to hide?
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  And lots of shame happens with that hiding. And
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  so people wind up being very small versions of
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  themselves instead of dreaming. And so the work
• 22:29
  that I get to do is helping people remember who
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  they are. And it's not finding themselves. It's
• 22:37
  remembering who they've always been. It's allowing
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  them to come home to them. It's allowing them
• 22:44
  to find. That three four five six seven year
• 22:48
  old who's fearless who loved to dream who loved
• 22:52
  to show up big who had imagination Imagination
• 22:57
  so we're talking about Disney movies think about
• 23:00
  the word imagination the first part of its image
• 23:03
  if I can see it I can imagine it and How cool
• 23:08
  is it to be able to play in a world where we
• 23:10
  get to imagine? And what if we came back to that
• 23:15
  as adults? How fun would that be? Yeah, for sure.
• 23:20
  I mean, it can really unlock a lot of things.
• 23:21
  What do you think the role was that Mufasa played
• 23:24
  in helping to set the stage for Simba, for who
• 23:29
  he is? And by the same token, when we look at
• 23:32
  our young people, how can we play that same role
• 23:36
  for our young people like Mufasa did? So the
• 23:40
  first thing. i think mufasa did is he created
• 23:43
  safety so he he saw there's that scene where
• 23:50
  he's looking over the whole thing and he's just
• 23:54
  looking out for the whole tribe like he's not
• 23:57
  helicoptering them but he's just looking out
• 24:01
  and he and you just get the feeling of oh mufasa's
• 24:05
  got this whatever happens mufasa's got this So
• 24:10
  the very first thing he did is he created safety
• 24:12
  for the whole tribe. The next thing he did is
• 24:16
  he was a role model. And so Simba got to see
• 24:19
  what a king was in real time because Mufasa was
• 24:23
  a great king. And with children, there's so many
• 24:28
  times where we're teaching them by what we do
• 24:32
  way more than what we say. They're watching in
• 24:37
  the moments when we don't think they're watching.
• 24:39
  I was over at a friend's house the other day
• 24:41
  and they have two girls, six and three. Oh, fun
• 24:48
  ages. And I noticed they were about to get into
• 24:54
  a little tiff over, oh, you're in my bubble.
• 24:58
  And so I turned it into this game. I was like,
• 25:02
  well, watch this. Now I'm in your bubble. And
• 25:06
  we turned it from. sister fight incoming to this
• 25:11
  game where now all of a sudden they're working
• 25:14
  together to try to deal with me and it went from
• 25:22
  the sister fight to everybody's just laughing
• 25:25
  and having a great time and sometimes in those
• 25:28
  moments it's just oh we can do something i didn't
• 25:33
  even have to say anything i didn't have to be
• 25:35
  like hey girls knock it off right was just like
• 25:38
  what would shift the energy right here yeah and
• 25:41
  so just looking at mufasa like you look at his
• 25:46
  presence he comes in he is strong he is grounded
• 25:51
  he is sure he is confident and so simba's learning
• 25:55
  that that's what it looks like to be king yeah
• 25:58
  what's interesting too you use that example because
• 26:00
  what we also have in the movie is when simba
• 26:04
  who's told not to go to the elephant graveyard,
• 26:06
  still does, of course, because that's what kids
• 26:09
  do. And Mufasa has to go and save them. And Mufasa
• 26:12
  does need to reset the boundary. Like he does
• 26:15
  need to tell him, like, I told you, you can't
• 26:17
  go there. You can't do it. You put yourself at
• 26:19
  risk. You put Nala at risk, right? And then what
• 26:24
  does he do? He shows him love and they wrestle
• 26:27
  around in the grass, right? They start goofing
• 26:30
  off, right? Because... he has to he has to reprove
• 26:33
  him right he's got he's got to set the standard
• 26:35
  of what it really is hey you did do something
• 26:36
  wrong like we have to acknowledge you did something
• 26:38
  wrong but then he brings it back he he helps
• 26:42
  him remember who he is he shows him love and
• 26:44
  then they have they turn that into fun in a bonding
• 26:46
  moment which it can be i think maybe sometimes
• 26:48
  his parents would get a little bit too serious
• 26:51
  or like It's just all punishment, right? And
• 26:53
  sometimes it is just like, okay, so we've got
• 26:55
  to disrupt it a little bit. Let's just like get
• 26:58
  to the bubble, right? Let's make this thing a
• 26:59
  fun thing. And so that kids can experience that,
• 27:03
  okay, there are boundaries, but there's also
• 27:05
  fun in life that we can have. We don't have to
• 27:06
  be serious all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I love the
• 27:08
  example that you had. That was brilliant that
• 27:10
  you did that. Yeah. And I would even draw a distinction
• 27:13
  between boundaries and agreements. Yeah. And
• 27:16
  so for me, boundaries are. The spot where I can
• 27:21
  fully show up as myself. Boundaries are for me,
• 27:24
  by me. Agreements are what I set with somebody
• 27:28
  else. And so if I was to look at the relationship
• 27:33
  between Mufasa and Simba, I might even call that
• 27:36
  an agreement. Hey, you violated our agreement.
• 27:40
  Our agreement was you don't go to the elephant
• 27:42
  grove. We're going to foot stomp this. We're
• 27:46
  going to make sure that you understand what our
• 27:48
  agreements are. Because this is our agreement
• 27:51
  together. And I think about boundaries as like
• 27:55
  borders for the nation. And I think about agreement
• 27:59
  like treaties. Like the United States and Canada,
• 28:02
  they have a treaty. Hey, we'll protect each other
• 28:04
  if either one of us needs to. We're going to
• 28:06
  protect each other. And so I would draw that
• 28:09
  distinction between boundaries and agreements.
• 28:13
  Well, and I think it's a helpful one because...
• 28:15
  what we'll hear in in child psychology a lot
• 28:18
  is that when you can get the buy -in for from
• 28:22
  the child for whatever the rule is by agreement
• 28:27
  right then when they have violated that agreement
• 28:30
  then you don't get the same degree of back talk
• 28:33
  because it's hey we had this agreement we agreed
• 28:36
  this was the rule now you've violated that rule
• 28:39
  or that agreement and here's the natural consequence
• 28:41
  that we already agreed would happen if you violated
• 28:44
  it right And it's not always the easiest thing
• 28:46
  to do, right? My wife and I try doing it with
• 28:48
  our kids. And sometimes it's a little bit harder
• 28:49
  than just saying it. However, when we've done
• 28:53
  it effectively, it really does work. And it leads
• 28:59
  to a whole lot less backtalk, which is a whole
• 29:02
  lot less like fighting an argument and a much
• 29:04
  more peaceful home for sure. So I love the reframe
• 29:07
  there. And I appreciate where you're coming from
• 29:09
  with it being agreements, because I think that's
• 29:11
  exactly right. And the cool thing about agreements.
• 29:14
  is you're teaching them to trust themselves from
• 29:16
  a young age. So you're part of this. So guess
• 29:20
  what? You now have skin in the game. It's not
• 29:23
  just because I told you to. It's because we agreed
• 29:26
  to this. And so in those moments, being able
• 29:32
  to say, hey, this is our agreement. How would
• 29:35
  you like to show up based on our agreement? What
• 29:39
  would it look like you mentioned earlier? You
• 29:41
  love to ask questions. So what if you asked your
• 29:43
  kids the question of, OK, here's our agreement.
• 29:47
  How do you want to show up at this moment so
• 29:50
  that you can honor our agreement? Then they get
• 29:53
  to decide. Then they're building self -trust.
• 29:56
  And how powerful is our world when we have kids
• 30:00
  who love themselves and can trust themselves
• 30:02
  and feel safe within themselves? Yeah, it's a
• 30:06
  really helpful. reframe to give our kids and
• 30:09
  i think i think that's part of what we saw from
• 30:11
  vasa and it's part of one of the lessons we can
• 30:14
  learn and then what we see is is exactly the
• 30:18
  opposite of that with some subsequent things
• 30:21
  that happen to simba right um and you know we
• 30:25
  all know the story right scar ultimately uh is
• 30:28
  able to kill mufasa yes his whole plan to kill
• 30:31
  mufasa and does and then blames it on simba right
• 30:35
  and and then and then he tells simba it's a quote
• 30:39
  from the movie um this is just moments after
• 30:43
  uh mufasa's death and scars planting these seeds
• 30:46
  of self -blame and grief but the king is dead
• 30:48
  and if it weren't for you he'd still be alive
• 30:51
  and so scar reframes it in the worst way for
• 30:57
  simba and now simba's got this trauma of his
• 31:01
  dad dying. And now he's got an adult who's telling
• 31:05
  him it's his fault. Right. And so in what ways
• 31:08
  do we do that in our lives where trauma pulls
• 31:13
  us away from the wonderment and the possibility
• 31:16
  we have from that, you know, three, four, five,
• 31:18
  six year old brain. And then also what role does
• 31:21
  other people do other people play in in keeping
• 31:25
  us from that and getting us in the wrong mindset?
• 31:28
  Absolutely. And sometimes it's as insidious as
• 31:32
  what Scar did. Yeah. Oh, totally. Right. And
• 31:35
  sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's a well -meaning
• 31:38
  person who's just trying to help. But sometimes
• 31:41
  it is manipulation or gaslighting. Pick your
• 31:45
  psychological abuse terminology. Seen both. And
• 31:53
  sometimes it's somebody is just living their
• 31:56
  own experience and they project it onto you.
• 32:00
  And so in those moments where we have the choice
• 32:05
  of, do I trust myself or do I trust you? And
• 32:10
  in those moments where it's like, I'm not sure,
• 32:12
  I'm feeling confused. I don't know the answer.
• 32:16
  I need to go outside myself. And there's a difference
• 32:20
  between asking for perspective and checking in
• 32:23
  with you. Hey. I just got this information. How
• 32:27
  does this feel for me? How does this feel in
• 32:29
  my gut? Does this align with who I am at my core?
• 32:31
  Yes or no? I've quoted one of my favorite philosophers,
• 32:36
  Bruce Lee. He says, take what is useful, discard
• 32:40
  what is not, add what is uniquely your own. And
• 32:45
  for me, that means listen, be aware, be curious
• 32:52
  about perspectives. Don't throw out the baby
• 32:56
  with the bathwater. Take the part that's useful.
• 33:00
  But also, don't just take everything. Nobody
• 33:03
  gets a lifetime pass to decide for me what my
• 33:06
  truth is. And your truth might be different than
• 33:09
  mine, and that's totally okay. Because what if
• 33:12
  the world was big enough for both of us to have
• 33:14
  our own lived experience and for us to both be
• 33:18
  able to show up and live our own path in a way
• 33:20
  that felt authentic to both of us? Like, what
• 33:23
  a great world to live in. And then as those traumas
• 33:29
  show up, there's times where those traumas hold
• 33:34
  us back from actually being who we are. There's
• 33:38
  times I remember in my own life, I was three
• 33:42
  years old. I'm standing on a stool trying to
• 33:45
  brush my teeth. And I was still a tall kid back
• 33:48
  then. I am six foot five, so I'm a tall guy.
• 33:54
  the faucet handles. And I remember I was crying
• 33:58
  in there. I can't do it by myself. And my parents
• 34:03
  came in and they turned it into a song. Oh, I
• 34:08
  can't do it by myself. Sniff, sniff. And they
• 34:12
  didn't mean anything by it. Like they were just
• 34:14
  trying to get me to calm down. But what got planted
• 34:18
  in my mind is I can't do it by myself. And rather
• 34:22
  than saying, Hey, we got you. We're going to
• 34:25
  help you. You're okay. Your feelings are valid.
• 34:28
  You can feel this. You're safe to feel this.
• 34:31
  I totally understand why you're feeling this.
• 34:33
  You're good. All of a sudden, the subconscious
• 34:38
  programming went in. And by the way, I've heard
• 34:41
  the stat that says 95 % of our lived experience
• 34:44
  by the time we're 35 is subconscious. And so
• 34:49
  in those moments, All of a sudden, I had this
• 34:53
  subconscious programming running in the background
• 34:55
  of, I can't do this by myself. And any time a
• 34:58
  big decision showed up for me, I felt the need
• 35:02
  to ask somebody else to get help. To the point
• 35:07
  where I felt paralyzed in making the big decisions.
• 35:11
  And it wasn't until I cleared that for my own
• 35:14
  life. Now I can. Now I can show up confidently.
• 35:18
  Now I can both ask for help. but also trust myself
• 35:22
  yeah it's interesting how you know for everybody
• 35:27
  different things that might be said to them play
• 35:30
  a role in in what our subconscious brain decides
• 35:33
  to take and what it doesn't you know as we as
• 35:36
  we look again at simba's journey right so after
• 35:41
  scar says that to him and and makes him feel
• 35:44
  the blame for it and he leaves he then encounters
• 35:47
  a couple of other creatures that have a very
• 35:51
  different philosophy, right? But, you know, as
• 35:54
  I was looking at it, maybe they have some trauma
• 35:56
  of their own because old Timon says something
• 35:59
  very interesting when Simba's kind of telling
• 36:02
  him what he experienced. And Timon says, when
• 36:06
  the world turns its back on you, you turn your
• 36:09
  back on the world, right? And it's like, okay,
• 36:12
  well. That's, you know, that's Timon's lived
• 36:15
  experience and that's his perspective because
• 36:17
  he's obviously been through some stuff, but now
• 36:18
  he's telling Simba the same thing. And what does
• 36:21
  Simba end up doing? I mean, that's what he does
• 36:22
  for whatever stretch of time it is from when
• 36:25
  he, you know, from when Mufasa dies till he's,
• 36:28
  you know, when we're past adolescence and starting
• 36:30
  to come into his own, presumably years, right?
• 36:34
  That he's got this where he has. accepted the
• 36:37
  blame from scar that he shouldn't have he didn't
• 36:40
  need to carry that weight and he did now he's
• 36:42
  accepted this philosophy of hakuna matata right
• 36:44
  world turn their back on me i'm gonna turn the
• 36:47
  back on this world and that's the world he's
• 36:49
  living in and that's what he allows to do so
• 36:51
  these outside voices are what's controlling him
• 36:54
  and what he's doing rather than going back to
• 36:57
  what he knew, going back to what Mufasa taught
• 37:00
  him, going back to who he really was. And that
• 37:03
  stands in the way of him becoming who he was
• 37:06
  for a really long time. And I mean, we obviously,
• 37:09
  we do that at times. We let ourselves be held
• 37:11
  back by what other people say or just by the
• 37:15
  trauma, right? Just experiencing the trauma because
• 37:17
  something like a death is a big deal. It can
• 37:20
  really affect us. Have you ever had things like
• 37:22
  that, that you experienced a big trial or a big
• 37:24
  trauma or any clients that have that? you had
• 37:27
  to find a way to work through and work past so
• 37:29
  that you could go back to self -trust and self
• 37:32
  -belief and becoming who you who you're meant
• 37:34
  to be yeah so i'll go back to the client i mentioned
• 37:37
  earlier he's given me full permission to share
• 37:39
  his story so i'm not violating any confidentiality
• 37:43
  here he served in the military and he had a lot
• 37:48
  of trauma and when we first started coaching
• 37:52
  He was like, there's things I've never told anybody.
• 37:55
  He's like, I've seen things that I can't tell
• 37:57
  anybody. And we ended up working through, and
• 38:01
  they were capital T traumas, you know, loss of
• 38:04
  life, serious injuries, roadside bombs going
• 38:10
  off, having a round come right up into the seat
• 38:17
  of the helicopter that he was flying in. And
• 38:20
  had they not have put in, an additional bulletproof
• 38:23
  material that morning he wouldn't be here so
• 38:28
  he had capital t trauma to work through a lot
• 38:31
  of my clients do and it's so fun to watch them
• 38:37
  be able to see it get down to the root of it
• 38:42
  and find okay i can let this go i don't have
• 38:48
  to keep holding on to this i don't have to keep
• 38:50
  replaying this in every area of my life because
• 38:53
  so many people the trauma creates the fear of
• 38:58
  what if this happens again and so like in my
• 39:02
  own example what if i can't do it by myself played
• 39:06
  out in so many areas of my life and as we release
• 39:11
  that trauma all of a sudden we're now open for
• 39:15
  all these new possibilities and what you said
• 39:18
  earlier about So many times we'll hear something.
• 39:25
  It's like, okay, cool. I'm going to go learn
• 39:27
  from this. I'm going to go learn from this guy.
• 39:29
  I'm all in on this. And I'm super passionate
• 39:32
  about this. And then we move on to the next thing.
• 39:35
  It's like, all right, cool. I've just learned
• 39:36
  this new thing. I'm all in on this. And then
• 39:40
  we start noticing, oh, this seems to contradict
• 39:44
  this. What if... instead of this or this what
• 39:49
  if it was this and this or maybe it's a little
• 39:52
  bit of this and a little bit of this so if we
• 39:55
  were to take a little bit of the strength and
• 39:58
  the courage and the groundedness that um scar
• 40:05
  showed or not scar but mufasa showed and we were
• 40:08
  to take the Hakuna Matata. It means no worries
• 40:14
  for the rest of your days. That's carefree. That's
• 40:17
  enjoying life. So what if we could have it all?
• 40:22
  That was one of the very first things I told
• 40:24
  Grace, who was an earlier guest on your podcast.
• 40:28
  What if you could have it all? And so what if
• 40:31
  it's not a this or this? What if it's a this
• 40:33
  and this? But it's not complete massive swing
• 40:37
  over here and then complete massive swing over
• 40:40
  here. What if it was just, I am finding balance
• 40:43
  with what aligns for me in this moment. I'm taking
• 40:46
  what feels aligned from what Timon and Mahumba
• 40:50
  are saying. It means no worries. It doesn't mean
• 40:53
  that I have to hook into his trauma around the
• 40:56
  world. I'm going to turn my back on the world.
• 40:59
  But it means, hey, we're going to go have fun.
• 41:01
  We're going to sing along the way. And let's
• 41:03
  go enjoy it. Before we jump back in, can I ask
• 41:07
  you a quick favor? If you're enjoying the journey
• 41:10
  so far, will you like, rate, and subscribe to
• 41:13
  our show? It helps us reach more people like
• 41:16
  you. We can design and create and build the most
• 41:20
  wonderful place in the world, but it takes people
• 41:22
  to make the dream a reality. That's such a good
• 41:28
  perspective. It's a yes and for me, right? Like,
• 41:30
  yes, what Mufasa taught is correct, right? Who
• 41:35
  you are is he was meant to be the king. And you
• 41:39
  can also live in the moment. You can also shed
• 41:42
  off worries and be present where you are, right?
• 41:45
  Be present in what you're doing. I was just watching
• 41:49
  a golf tournament over the weekend. World number
• 41:52
  one golfer, Scotty Scheffler, right? He wins
• 41:54
  the tournament this weekend. He's had a really
• 41:56
  consistent season, all season. Hasn't won a lot
• 41:59
  of tournaments. In fact, he's only won two. He
• 42:01
  had one of his most consistent seasons. The reporter
• 42:03
  afterwards asked him, like, if you had any advice
• 42:06
  for kids that wanted to one day be where you
• 42:09
  are, what's the advice that you would give them?
• 42:12
  And he said, be where your feet are. When I'm
• 42:14
  at practice, like I'm at practice, I'm not thinking
• 42:16
  about hanging out with the guys. I'm not thinking
• 42:18
  about being at home and missing my kids and my
• 42:21
  wife, right? I'm also not thinking about the
• 42:23
  round. I'm thinking about I'm practicing and
• 42:24
  being there. When I'm playing a tournament, I'm
• 42:25
  there. And when I'm home, I'm home. And I'm not
• 42:29
  thinking about practice. I'm not thinking about
• 42:31
  the tournament I'm going to play in next. I love
• 42:34
  the idea of what you're talking about with the
• 42:36
  Kuna Matata thing. That is good. Like, let's
• 42:38
  take that thing. Let's have no worries in the
• 42:40
  moment. Be present in the moment where you are.
• 42:43
  And you can also still remember who you are and
• 42:46
  step into your power and do those things. Like,
• 42:48
  both things can simultaneously be true. Yes.
• 42:51
  Yes. And when I look at them, it's like if I'm
• 42:56
  seeing a situation where it's this or this. It's
• 43:01
  usually if I take a step back and see the bigger
• 43:04
  picture, it's like, oh, these are two parts of
• 43:07
  the whole. Yes, there's absolute value to being
• 43:13
  safe, to being grounded, to having purpose, to
• 43:16
  having passion, to knowing what you want in your
• 43:19
  life, to designing your life, to creating a life
• 43:22
  that lets you up. And yes, there's absolute.
• 43:27
  Power in being fully present, in being playful,
• 43:31
  in enjoying your life, in taking those moments,
• 43:35
  stopping at the side of the road and at the taco
• 43:38
  stand that just looks amazing instead of driving
• 43:42
  by it. Yeah. Those moments where you look back
• 43:46
  and nobody's going to say, man, I remember that
• 43:49
  random Wednesday at 11 p .m. when I had that
• 43:51
  meeting. everybody's going to remember oh my
• 43:54
  gosh i remember that time with dad and we went
• 43:57
  to the water slide park and it was the most fun
• 44:00
  day yeah yeah i love that that's fantastic uh
• 44:05
  let me ask you um let me ask you let me get a
• 44:09
  hot take from you yeah okay because i was thinking
• 44:11
  about this this morning when i was getting ready
• 44:13
  i had on the soundtrack for lion king right yeah
• 44:16
  like i love i love disney music and i was kind
• 44:18
  of getting prepped and one of the great songs
• 44:21
  i mean The soundtrack for Lion King is the classic,
• 44:26
  like, no -skips soundtrack. Like, every song
• 44:28
  is good. And one of the best villain songs out
• 44:31
  there is Be Prepared by Scar. Okay, so let me
• 44:35
  ask you about this. Because as I started thinking
• 44:37
  about it, I think it's a really interesting thing
• 44:38
  for us to look at. When we think about Scar,
• 44:42
  Scar knew what he wanted. Scar wanted something
• 44:46
  big. He wanted something huge. He wanted to be
• 44:48
  king. Scar... believed in it so much that he
• 44:52
  enlisted the help of the people around him. And
• 44:55
  he went about to make it happen. He trusted his
• 44:59
  gut, so to speak, on what he was going to do.
• 45:03
  And yet it was for great evil. So contrast that
• 45:06
  for me. You know, when we're thinking about the
• 45:08
  idea of trusting your gut, trusting your intuition,
• 45:10
  believing in yourself, what's the difference
• 45:13
  between Simba remembering who he was and believing
• 45:17
  in himself and Scar? doing much the same thing
• 45:22
  with vastly different purposes and outcomes.
• 45:26
  And I'm going to tell you a funny story about
• 45:29
  The Lion King that actually leads into this.
• 45:32
  So when The Lion King came out, I was, I think
• 45:35
  I was either a junior or senior in high school.
• 45:37
  I was driving at the time. And my brother wanted
• 45:40
  The Lion King soundtrack. He was, I think he
• 45:43
  was 12 or 13 at the time. And so he was like,
• 45:46
  hey, Jeremy. He's like, I'll tell you what. he's
• 45:50
  like i will take over your chore of mowing the
• 45:53
  lawn if you go buy me the lion king soundtrack
• 45:56
  and me in my villain arc i wasn't like hey you
• 46:02
  know that's a bad deal for you i immediately
• 46:05
  went and grabbed my keys i hauled it to the local
• 46:08
  store i probably broke every speed law to get
• 46:12
  there before he changed his mind and i came back
• 46:17
  and like here you go Now you have this chore.
• 46:21
  And so my dad, like a week later, he's like,
• 46:23
  hey, Jer, I need you to go mow the lawn. And
• 46:26
  I was like, no, you don't. This is my brother's
• 46:28
  job now. He's like, what do you mean? And I said,
• 46:30
  we made a deal. And my dad's like, that's a terrible
• 46:34
  deal. And I was like, it wasn't a terrible deal
• 46:37
  for me. And so in that moment, like, yeah, I
• 46:43
  was looking out for number one. And yeah, there's
• 46:47
  times where there's... We're we step into something
• 46:51
  and we're just looking out for number one. Yeah.
• 46:53
  And we're just looking out for, hey, what's going
• 46:56
  to advance me? And we're not thinking about the
• 46:59
  cost. We're not thinking about the bigger picture.
• 47:01
  How does it impact other people? How does it
• 47:04
  impact our world? How does it what's going to
• 47:08
  be the knock on effect for what we're doing?
• 47:11
  We're so focused on the eye and not focused on
• 47:15
  the we. gets so focused on the me. So the W gets
• 47:20
  flipped upside down and it's now a me. And in
• 47:24
  those moments, a lot of times people are, a lot
• 47:29
  of times people want control because they need
• 47:32
  certainty. And underneath that needing certainty
• 47:35
  is the need to feel safe. And so if we were to
• 47:38
  go to a lot of those times with Scar, like, I'll
• 47:42
  bet you he didn't feel safe. Yeah. He didn't
• 47:44
  feel safe. He didn't feel wanted. Yeah. He didn't
• 47:47
  feel loved. Yeah. Yeah. It's totally true. Yeah.
• 47:49
  I could have done some really good work with
• 47:51
  Scar. Right. He'd have been a great candidate
• 47:54
  for your coaching stuff because he could have
• 47:56
  used it, right? Totally. And instead of, I mean,
• 47:59
  because obviously he was skilled. Yeah. Obviously
• 48:03
  he knew how to inspire people to follow him and
• 48:07
  yet did it for great evil. um and you know it's
• 48:11
  a great it's a great point that you bring up
• 48:13
  it's it's what what is the focus of of what the
• 48:17
  purpose is is it focused purely on selfish things
• 48:19
  or is it focused on you know how we can Benefit
• 48:23
  everybody. Benefit those around us. Certainly
• 48:25
  ourselves as well, right? We're not going to
• 48:27
  completely forget about ourselves. But that's
• 48:29
  all he thought about. How can he have that sense
• 48:32
  of importance and that sense of being loved and
• 48:37
  admired and he was going to do anything necessary
• 48:39
  to do it. Whereas Simba was not focused on that
• 48:43
  at all. Yeah. Right. Simba, by contrast, is focused
• 48:47
  on, okay, I've got to remember who I am and what's
• 48:49
  the purpose of being the king. It's not so that...
• 48:52
  I can be loved and admired. No, it's so I can
• 48:54
  effectuate great good for others. It's so I can
• 48:57
  take my right place in the circle of life, right?
• 49:00
  That's what Mufasa talks about, his place in
• 49:02
  the circle of life. And the circle of life is
• 49:04
  to benefit everybody, right? All of the creatures
• 49:08
  that were there, him taking his place was to
• 49:11
  benefit all of them. And I think the movie does
• 49:14
  a really nice job too of showing... You know,
• 49:17
  when Scar takes over, suddenly the circle of
• 49:19
  life is disrupted. Suddenly it's like, there
• 49:22
  is no food and everything's dark, right? Of course,
• 49:25
  it would never really happen in real life if
• 49:26
  the wrong lion took charge. But like, it's such
• 49:28
  a great visual representation of what that selfishness
• 49:32
  does versus care for everybody and for what the
• 49:35
  circle of life means. Absolutely. And one of
• 49:38
  my favorite definitions of love is what is for
• 49:43
  the highest good of all concerned. And that includes
• 49:47
  me, by the way. And so if I was to look at the
• 49:52
  way that Simba shows up and the way that Mufasa
• 49:54
  showed up, ultimately, it's through the lens
• 49:57
  of love. And if I was to look at the way that
• 50:01
  Scar showed up, it's through the lens of fear,
• 50:03
  through power and through manipulation. And so
• 50:09
  you have that contrast of, is it love or is it
• 50:13
  fear? Because a lot of times, if we just keep
• 50:17
  asking the question, and why is that? And why
• 50:20
  is that? And why is that? We'll get to either
• 50:24
  love or fear at the end of that chain of why
• 50:29
  questions. Because what I've experienced is love
• 50:34
  or fear, fear or love. And the more we can release
• 50:39
  fear, the more capacity we have to show up in
• 50:43
  love. That's a great point. I love that. You
• 50:47
  know, one of the things that I came across in
• 50:50
  kind of preparing today was a quote by Adam Grant.
• 50:54
  Love Adam Grant. He's one of my favorites. He
• 50:57
  was on Andrew Huberman's podcast and they were
• 50:59
  talking a little bit about authenticity, right?
• 51:02
  And trusting yourself. And, you know, what...
• 51:06
  what he talks about um he said that the the real
• 51:09
  test isn't does this feel authentic right now
• 51:11
  but is this consistent with my principles and
• 51:14
  here's the exact quote he says i think what we
• 51:16
  want to ask is is what i'm about to do or say
• 51:20
  consistent with my principle right and what what
• 51:25
  role do you think knowing what your principles
• 51:28
  are what role does that play into trusting yourself
• 51:33
  and and finding your authentic self so i had
• 51:37
  a very similar version of that thought come to
• 51:40
  me last week and the way it came to me was you
• 51:44
  are on your path if you're doing aligns with
• 51:48
  your being and for me when i know who i am and
• 51:55
  i'm clear on who i am and i'm in alignment with
• 51:58
  who i am right now everything i do one step at
• 52:03
  a time comes from alignment with that. If I'm
• 52:08
  trying to be something I'm not, if I'm trying
• 52:11
  to fit an avatar of a mask I've created, all
• 52:16
  of a sudden that gets really confusing. Okay,
• 52:18
  which mask did I wear with you? Okay, which mask
• 52:21
  did I wear with you? Okay, which mask did I wear
• 52:24
  with you? Trying to just juggle all that mental
• 52:28
  gymnastics is exhausting. where authenticity
• 52:32
  is who I am is just who I am. And the integrity
• 52:37
  of it is I continue to show up as me in every
• 52:42
  situation, whether it's in public, whether it's
• 52:45
  on social media, whether it's in a group setting,
• 52:49
  whether it's in a community setting, whether
• 52:52
  it's one -on -one. Hey, this is me. Love it.
• 52:56
  Take it or leave it. How do you, though, find
• 53:00
  for you who you are keeping in mind, like, this
• 53:07
  idea of principles and values? Because we all
• 53:13
  have that little voice inside our head that at
• 53:15
  times tells us to do something we shouldn't do,
• 53:17
  right? That wants us to, you know, say the main
• 53:22
  thing or take advantage or take more than we're
• 53:25
  entitled to, right? And I think, again, sometimes
• 53:28
  what people will use as an excuse is that idea
• 53:32
  of like, oh, I'm just being my authentic self.
• 53:33
  That's why I'm going to be a jerk. I'm just being
• 53:36
  honest, right? I'm just giving you the hard truth
• 53:39
  and I'm just being honest. And really, it's just
• 53:41
  brashness and harshness and being rude. Like,
• 53:44
  where is that difference, though, for people?
• 53:47
  Totally. And I love that. And another variation
• 53:49
  of that is, oh, I'm just keeping it real. Yes.
• 53:52
  Oh, I hear that way too often. You go and keep
• 53:55
  it real. uh -huh and so for me the distinction
• 53:59
  actually came in understanding the difference
• 54:02
  between for love and from love okay tell me more
• 54:06
  yeah so for love and as i mentioned earlier i'm
• 54:11
  a musician and i could see the times in my life
• 54:15
  where i would show up and i'd perform for love
• 54:17
  i'd want that cute girl in the audience to notice
• 54:20
  me i'd want my buddies in the band to think i
• 54:23
  was killing it i'd want the people who were there.
• 54:27
  And so it's all external. It's all about them
• 54:31
  perceiving me. And then I thought about the times
• 54:35
  I performed From Love. And I was like, this is
• 54:38
  from my heart. I just love this music. I'm just
• 54:41
  vibing with this music. And if anybody else gets
• 54:46
  it or not, cool. This is for me, from me. And
• 54:52
  if you like it, awesome. If not, Cool. We're
• 54:55
  good. And then I got to take a look at everything
• 55:00
  I've created because I'm a creator as well. And
• 55:03
  so it was like, where did I create for love versus
• 55:06
  from love? And so what I ended up doing is I
• 55:09
  ended up taking a piece of paper, drawing a line
• 55:11
  down the middle for love on the left from love
• 55:13
  on the right. And the challenge to myself was
• 55:16
  Jeremy, anything you've created for love, go
• 55:19
  recreate it from love. And so. To your point
• 55:24
  about values, my values tend to be very stable.
• 55:29
  My values don't change very often. They can sometimes,
• 55:33
  but my values tend to be my values. My values
• 55:36
  are a North Star for me. So I get really clear
• 55:40
  on what my values are. And then from those values,
• 55:44
  it can be a check -in. Does this feel aligned
• 55:48
  with my values? Or... Is my ego stepping in?
• 55:53
  Am I starting to do something that feels out
• 55:55
  of integrity with me just for a short term win,
• 55:58
  short term fix, a short term dopamine hit? Yeah.
• 56:04
  Those short term things, from my perspective,
• 56:08
  always wind up with long term consequences. When
• 56:11
  you took stock of things for love or from love,
• 56:14
  I mean, did you ever find that that sometimes
• 56:17
  you felt like something you did was both? Yeah.
• 56:20
  Because as you're saying that, again, I love
• 56:22
  the principle of it. And as I sit there and think
• 56:24
  about it, though, I'm like, boy, sometimes I
• 56:26
  really feel like I'm doing it both. Because look,
• 56:28
  it feels good to have somebody appreciate what
• 56:31
  you're doing, right? Yeah. It feels good when
• 56:34
  we've done a podcast episode that I really felt
• 56:38
  passionate about and somebody that I'm out amongst
• 56:41
  the community and they're like, hey, I listened
• 56:43
  to the episode. It was really great. It feels
• 56:45
  good. You're like, okay, yeah, like, all right.
• 56:47
  Yeah. and so then you're like okay am i doing
• 56:50
  it for the praise or am i doing it because i
• 56:52
  love what what that is that i'm doing and i think
• 56:54
  that for me a lot of things in life i kind of
• 56:57
  see like man it's kind of like this battle when
• 57:00
  things i'm doing like yeah well i want to receive
• 57:02
  the love but i do want to do it from my heart
• 57:04
  and like what what do you do with that tension
• 57:06
  that exists there yeah so i for me like i remember
• 57:11
  a time a couple years ago i wrote a song for
• 57:15
  a friend for their birthday. Cheesy song, like
• 57:20
  totally cheesy song. Like a lot of songs tend
• 57:25
  to be, but it was from my heart. And like that
• 57:29
  part was straight up from love. The for love
• 57:33
  part was we had a big birthday party for her.
• 57:37
  And I had my friends play the song for everybody
• 57:42
  at the birthday party. You know, there's probably
• 57:44
  like 40 people there. And that part of me was
• 57:47
  my ego wanting my other friends to see, oh, my
• 57:50
  gosh, look at this amazing gift Jeremy just made
• 57:53
  for his friend. And so it was both in that situation.
• 57:58
  And what I've noticed is it's OK to want to enjoy
• 58:03
  when somebody appreciates what you do. I love
• 58:06
  it when somebody says, hey, Jeremy, you said
• 58:09
  something that changed my life. I love it when
• 58:11
  my clients come up to me and say. oh my gosh,
• 58:14
  that session we just had, like I've been showing
• 58:17
  up differently since then. That's not my why
• 58:21
  though. My why is I love seeing people step into
• 58:26
  their power. And so you can do the exact same
• 58:29
  thing, but from a different why. And so if I
• 58:33
  get that adulation, if I get that acknowledgement,
• 58:37
  if I get that recognition. awesome. It feels
• 58:40
  good. I'm going to look at them and say, thank
• 58:42
  you so much. I receive that with gratitude, but
• 58:45
  it's not why I'm doing it. Yeah. You're not,
• 58:48
  you're not just searching for that. You're not
• 58:50
  just searching for the love and praise. That's
• 58:53
  not the only thing that's motivating you. You've
• 58:55
  got the pure motivations and you accept the love
• 58:58
  as it comes. Absolutely. Absolutely. If I'm so
• 59:02
  abundant, why wouldn't love come into my life?
• 59:05
  Yeah. and that's a great point yeah abundance
• 59:08
  is more than just money abundance is opportunities
• 59:12
  it's love it's relationships it's friendships
• 59:16
  it's connections yeah when you show uh love and
• 59:21
  kindness to people as a regular practice of what
• 59:26
  you do inevitably it will come back to you yes
• 59:30
  yes yes and i was actually sitting with that
• 59:33
  over the weekend And if you've been religious,
• 59:40
  the religious people will teach that as give
• 59:43
  and it will be given. And if you think about
• 59:48
  the golden rule, show the way you want other
• 59:51
  people to treat you. If you think about the tradition
• 59:55
  of karma, what you put out into the world comes
• 59:57
  back to you. And so every major tradition has
• 1:00:02
  a version of this. And I love what you're talking
• 1:00:05
  about here. And I believe it's true. If we show
• 1:00:10
  up as our most authentic selves and we show up
• 1:00:13
  in ways that are authentic to ourselves, inevitably
• 1:00:17
  more comes back to us than we put out there.
• 1:00:21
  Like if you think about a farmer, they go out
• 1:00:25
  into a field and they plant seeds. But then you
• 1:00:30
  think about the harvest that it comes back with.
• 1:00:32
  Like for each seed that they planted, let's say
• 1:00:36
  they were planting corn. One seed equals an entire
• 1:00:39
  stock of corn with all these ears on it. So that
• 1:00:43
  one seed multiplied itself. Yeah. So inevitably.
• 1:00:48
  When we show up as our authentic selves and we
• 1:00:52
  give big and we love big it. comes back to us
• 1:00:56
  more than we could have ever anticipated in more
• 1:00:59
  creative ways than we could have anticipated
• 1:01:01
  and that just requires us to be aligned with
• 1:01:05
  ourselves and trusting ourselves every day yeah
• 1:01:08
  i love that so at the end of the episode we're
• 1:01:12
  going to get to your three actual takeaways yeah
• 1:01:14
  but before we get to our this or that or our
• 1:01:17
  rapid fire yeah any other final thoughts about
• 1:01:20
  this idea of um trusting yourself trusting your
• 1:01:24
  gut and especially as it relates to lion king
• 1:01:26
  absolutely so if we think about the end of the
• 1:01:31
  lion king so it's the showdown between scar and
• 1:01:34
  simba and simba he has to trust himself like
• 1:01:41
  major gut check time it's all on the line he
• 1:01:45
  has burned the boats there's no plan b he's bet
• 1:01:49
  it all on himself for this moment And that doesn't
• 1:01:53
  mean we have to live life without a contingency
• 1:01:55
  plan. In fact, sometimes not having a contingency
• 1:01:58
  plan is a failure mode. But in this moment, Simba
• 1:02:03
  said, I'm going all in on me. I'm doing it for
• 1:02:06
  the best of our whole tribe. Scar isn't the right
• 1:02:13
  one to lead. Scar killed my father. I've wanted
• 1:02:17
  to be king my whole life. It's my time. and i'm
• 1:02:20
  going to step in and i'm going to lead and i'm
• 1:02:24
  going to do this from a place of self -trust
• 1:02:27
  and so um like i think about the m m song um
• 1:02:33
  palms are sweaty uh oh yeah mom's spaghetti lose
• 1:02:38
  yourself in the music the moment you never let
• 1:02:40
  go you get one shot this opportunity only comes
• 1:02:43
  once in a lifetime Like I can imagine that being
• 1:02:47
  Simba's walk -up song as he's getting ready to
• 1:02:49
  go fight Scar. And in that moment, he's just
• 1:02:53
  gut -checking himself. And he's believing in
• 1:02:57
  himself. I can do this. And it's all on the line.
• 1:03:02
  And in that moment, he's stepping into massive
• 1:03:06
  self -trust. Because there's no other option
• 1:03:09
  in that moment. If he had one ounce of fear.
• 1:03:13
  He might hesitate, and who knows what happens
• 1:03:17
  in that moment. But he's stepping out there in
• 1:03:20
  total belief of who he is, in total alignment
• 1:03:23
  with who he is, and just allowing himself to
• 1:03:26
  show up as his authentic self in the moment.
• 1:03:29
  And to your point earlier, he did it from love,
• 1:03:33
  not for love. Yeah. He had to love his pride.
• 1:03:39
  Not his internal pride, the pride, right? His
• 1:03:42
  group of people, he had to love all of the animals
• 1:03:46
  that were there, part of the circle of life,
• 1:03:47
  more than in that moment than he valued his own
• 1:03:50
  life. He had to put it all on the line. And it
• 1:03:52
  was from love that he was willing to make that
• 1:03:55
  sacrifice for everybody else. It's such a good
• 1:04:01
  framing of that for me that I hadn't thought
• 1:04:02
  about before. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Freaking love
• 1:04:05
  it. Not everywhere can be the happiest place
• 1:04:08
  on earth. And at RCG Law Group, my job outside
• 1:04:12
  of our podcast, we get that. Life throws curveballs,
• 1:04:15
  legal stuff, family stuff, the things you didn't
• 1:04:18
  see coming. That's what we're here for. If you're
• 1:04:21
  dealing with something and don't know where to
• 1:04:23
  turn, give RCG a call. Okay. So let's go to some
• 1:04:28
  fun segments, and then we're going to circle
• 1:04:29
  back to your three actual takeaways. Can't wait
• 1:04:30
  to get those. Let's do it. Okay, here's our this
• 1:04:32
  or that. Now, it's just whichever one you think.
• 1:04:34
  If I think your opinion is controversial, I will
• 1:04:37
  call you out on it, right? We can have fun with
• 1:04:39
  it, okay? First one, Timon or Pumbaa? Timon.
• 1:04:43
  Timon. Okay, tell me more. Just a fun... fun
• 1:04:48
  little character throughout the movie like yeah
• 1:04:50
  he's just so much fun like he's so loyal and
• 1:04:54
  he's so snarky exactly exactly like everybody
• 1:04:57
  needs a timon in your life totally do oh i love
• 1:05:00
  i love timon okay hakuna matata or circle of
• 1:05:03
  life hakuna matata yeah it's a fun song right
• 1:05:06
  i mean i love both of them yeah but no worries
• 1:05:10
  for the rest of your days yeah yeah uh simba
• 1:05:15
  as a cub Or as king? Ooh, both. Okay, I'm going
• 1:05:22
  to make you choose one. I'm going to make you
• 1:05:24
  choose one. I accept that it's both. I accept
• 1:05:26
  that because it's part of who he is. But if you
• 1:05:29
  had to say one or the other, what would it be?
• 1:05:31
  I would say Simba is king. Yeah. Because Simba
• 1:05:36
  is king actually embodies Simba is the cup. And
• 1:05:39
  he's brought that innocence, that joy, that play.
• 1:05:47
  Into who he is. And then he's also brought the
• 1:05:50
  wisdom in. Yeah. He's had to remember who he
• 1:05:52
  was. Right. Remember that time with that wonderment.
• 1:05:55
  Okay. Stargazing or sunrise. Stargazing. Okay.
• 1:06:01
  Yeah. I mean, I do love a good sunrise. And I
• 1:06:04
  remember getting up at Croatia at four in the
• 1:06:07
  morning to go catch some amazing photos of those.
• 1:06:10
  That said. That was also four in the morning
• 1:06:12
  and stargazing, like being out laying under the
• 1:06:17
  stars, especially in a black light community
• 1:06:21
  where you can see it when you're out away and
• 1:06:25
  you can just see. It's just one of my favorite
• 1:06:28
  things ever. Yeah, we I was on a on a trip this
• 1:06:33
  summer with some young men in my neighborhood,
• 1:06:36
  including my two boys. And we were on the Green
• 1:06:38
  River. and it is there is no artificial light
• 1:06:43
  anywhere around and i just remember looking up
• 1:06:46
  at night and you can just see so many stars there's
• 1:06:50
  just this sense of wonder that you get yeah when
• 1:06:53
  you look and see all of the stars out it is pretty
• 1:06:57
  cool yeah i like that answer um journaling or
• 1:07:01
  talking it out they're both great tools For me,
• 1:07:09
  it's talking it out. For me, I love sitting down
• 1:07:14
  with somebody I trust, talking it through, getting
• 1:07:18
  their perspective, sharing mine and co -creating
• 1:07:23
  that process together. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a bit
• 1:07:26
  of an external processor and I start to evolve
• 1:07:30
  and develop what my thoughts are when I can talk
• 1:07:33
  it out loud with somebody. Yeah. I find that
• 1:07:35
  to be very helpful. Solo hike. Or road trip with
• 1:07:40
  a friend? Road trip with a friend. Okay. Are
• 1:07:42
  you a solo hike guy? I can be. Okay. I'm definitely
• 1:07:46
  not, like at all. Yeah. They introduced two new
• 1:07:52
  love languages last year. So instead of the five
• 1:07:56
  love languages, it's now seven. Oh, I didn't
• 1:07:58
  know this. Yeah. The two new ones they introduced
• 1:08:01
  were emotional safety and shared experiences.
• 1:08:04
  So I thought I was quality time. but shared experiences
• 1:08:08
  it hits even closer to home for me and so road
• 1:08:12
  trip with a friend is right up my shared experience
• 1:08:15
  alley totally yeah it makes total sense okay
• 1:08:19
  this next one i think i know now basically we
• 1:08:20
  talked about but i'm gonna go ahead and ask anyways
• 1:08:23
  Karaoke or trivia night? Ooh, karaoke. Yeah.
• 1:08:26
  Cause you're a singer. Cause you can sing. Like
• 1:08:28
  I am not a singer at all. Even though like karaoke
• 1:08:30
  can be fun. I'm a terrible singer. Nobody wants
• 1:08:32
  to listen to me sing. I've had some fun nights
• 1:08:35
  doing karaoke. I'll bet. What's your go -to karaoke
• 1:08:37
  song? Bohemian Rhapsody. Oh, heck yeah. Amazing.
• 1:08:42
  Oh, what a great karaoke song too. Or Baby Got
• 1:08:45
  Back. I mean, yeah, you are definitely a kid
• 1:08:50
  that grew up in the 90s. There's no doubt that
• 1:08:52
  that's one of your go -tos. I'm a I want it that
• 1:08:54
  way guy. Nice. I love that. Backstreet Boys.
• 1:08:57
  I can go there anytime. My brother and I are
• 1:08:59
  not singers. And yet I can still like a core
• 1:09:01
  memory. He and I, we're in our 20s and we went
• 1:09:05
  and did karaoke and he and I sang it together.
• 1:09:07
  And then a couple of our friends joined midway
• 1:09:08
  through the song. That's a core memory, right?
• 1:09:10
  Yeah. We're terrible. We can't sing it well at
• 1:09:12
  all. And yet we've had an absolute blast doing
• 1:09:14
  it. Yeah. Tell me why. Exactly. Exactly. Window
• 1:09:21
  seat or aisle seat? Ooh, aisle seat. Because
• 1:09:24
  I'm a tall guy. Yeah, you are. When they're not
• 1:09:27
  pushing the carts through, I might sneak my legs
• 1:09:30
  out just to stretch them out every once in a
• 1:09:32
  while. And if I need to go to the bathroom, I
• 1:09:35
  don't want to have to climb over two people.
• 1:09:37
  Man, we are perfectly aligned there. It is the
• 1:09:39
  same thing. I'm not quite as tall as you are,
• 1:09:41
  but definitely a tall guy. I don't want to be
• 1:09:43
  sneaking past somebody or bumping into them every
• 1:09:45
  time I got to go to the bathroom. And look, I'm
• 1:09:46
  in my mid -40s. It means I got to go to the bathroom
• 1:09:48
  a lot. So you can pretty much guarantee I'm going
• 1:09:50
  to go during a flight unless it's to Vegas or
• 1:09:52
  something. And so, yeah, I'm an aisle guy all
• 1:09:55
  the way there. Okay, last this or that. Text
• 1:09:58
  or call? Ooh. depends on who it is whoever you
• 1:10:05
  want yeah um i love a good call with somebody
• 1:10:10
  i love being it because 93 of communication is
• 1:10:15
  non -verbal so much of communication is lost
• 1:10:18
  in text it's so convenient because it's asynchronous
• 1:10:21
  yeah but there's something great about a live
• 1:10:26
  conversation with somebody else sure have you
• 1:10:29
  ever tried a voice memo. Do you like those? Yes.
• 1:10:34
  I know some people love them because you do get
• 1:10:35
  a little bit more flavor in it. It's still not
• 1:10:38
  the back and forth that you get in a conversation,
• 1:10:40
  right? But it's a little bit more context and
• 1:10:43
  flavor than just a text. Yeah. I've tried it.
• 1:10:46
  I still am not like a convert to voice memos,
• 1:10:49
  but I can definitely understand the value in
• 1:10:51
  those. Yeah. It's a hybrid between a text and
• 1:10:54
  a call or the next step up to something like
• 1:10:57
  Marco Polo. Oh, yeah. People love some Marco
• 1:11:00
  Polo. Yeah. Because then you get to see the facial
• 1:11:02
  expression too. Yeah. For sure. Okay. You ready
• 1:11:05
  for a rapid fire? Let's do it. Okay. Just whatever
• 1:11:07
  comes to mind. Yeah. Okay. Favorite Disney movie.
• 1:11:11
  The Lion King. Okay. That's a good answer, right?
• 1:11:13
  A lot of times that's what it ends up being is
• 1:11:14
  it's the movie we just talked about. Favorite
• 1:11:16
  Disney song? Ooh. I'll say Hakuna Matata. Okay.
• 1:11:23
  That's a great answer. I've gotten that answer
• 1:11:25
  before. Yeah. People love that song. I do too.
• 1:11:27
  It's a wonderful song. Favorite Disney princess?
• 1:11:30
  Princess Jasmine. Jasmine. You see, you are a
• 1:11:33
  90s guy. Yeah, Aladdin was so good. Yeah, it
• 1:11:35
  was. I remember that. I loved Jasmine, too, growing
• 1:11:38
  up. Oh, man, Jasmine. Favorite Disney hero? I
• 1:11:44
  would say Aladdin. Okay, Aladdin. He's a good
• 1:11:46
  hero, for sure. Now, we haven't talked about
• 1:11:49
  it. Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney
• 1:11:51
  World? Yes. Which one? I've been to both. Okay.
• 1:11:54
  I used to live in California. And I used to have
• 1:11:57
  season passes to Disneyland. We should talk more
• 1:11:59
  about Disneyland. Okay. But I'm going to kick
• 1:12:02
  back to a quick this or that then. Yep. Disneyland
• 1:12:05
  or Disney World? Disney World. Disney World.
• 1:12:09
  Okay. Now within Disney World, let's go Animal
• 1:12:14
  Kingdom or Epcot? Animal Kingdom. Okay. And now
• 1:12:17
  what about Hollywood Studios or Magic Kingdom?
• 1:12:20
  Magic Kingdom. Okay. Then let's, I guess let's
• 1:12:23
  siphon it down. Magic Kingdom or Animal Kingdom?
• 1:12:26
  Magic Kingdom. Okay. So Magic Kingdom is your
• 1:12:28
  thing. You love Magic Kingdom. Yeah. Okay. So
• 1:12:31
  now this will pop us to our rapid fire. Favorite
• 1:12:32
  ride at Disneyland or Disney World? The Indiana
• 1:12:36
  Jones ride. Really? Yeah. Okay. Classic ride.
• 1:12:40
  I mean, when that came out, do you remember when
• 1:12:41
  that came out? Oh, yeah. Were you living in California
• 1:12:43
  at the time? Yeah. Oh, man. It was unbelievable,
• 1:12:46
  right? Like everything about the ride was great.
• 1:12:49
  The queue was amazing. No experience of it. I
• 1:12:53
  mean, the little video they did, like right before
• 1:12:55
  you get on, right? So fun, like explaining, don't
• 1:12:58
  look in the eye. Oh, it's a great ride. And now
• 1:13:00
  they're doing an Indiana Jones update to what
• 1:13:04
  was the dinosaur ride, right? is it animal kingdom
• 1:13:08
  i think that's where it is animal kingdom you
• 1:13:10
  heard this no i haven't yeah so d23 they made
• 1:13:13
  a big announcement that uh harrison ford's gonna
• 1:13:17
  gonna lend his voice to the redesign because
• 1:13:21
  they they use the same style of ride to create
• 1:13:23
  the dinosaur ride if you ever went on it at animal
• 1:13:26
  kingdom i always thought it was kind of lame
• 1:13:27
  there's that's probably controversial a lot of
• 1:13:29
  people love that ride sorry for those of you
• 1:13:31
  that do i having been on indiana jones i was
• 1:13:33
  always like ah kind of it's fine but they're
• 1:13:35
  going to do a full update with harrison ford
• 1:13:38
  indiana jones for that ride i can't wait for
• 1:13:40
  it cool yeah you you'll love it yeah yeah and
• 1:13:44
  if they wanted to go um co -op with universal
• 1:13:47
  studios make it indiana jones meets jurassic
• 1:13:50
  park wouldn't that be cool that'd be amazing
• 1:13:54
  um okay place you'd most like to visit ooh um
• 1:13:59
  southeast asia australia and new zealand okay
• 1:14:04
  oh those would be fun times have you ever watched
• 1:14:07
  bluey you don't have kids so you might not have
• 1:14:09
  i have never watched bluey okay Bluey, Australia
• 1:14:12
  is Bluey. And they did a big thing at D23 because
• 1:14:16
  they're going to do a Bluey movie now. And they
• 1:14:18
  had the mom and dad do some interviews that were
• 1:14:20
  there. And it's so funny to hear, to see them
• 1:14:23
  talk because they sound exactly like their characters
• 1:14:25
  on Bluey. It was amazing. But they're Australian
• 1:14:27
  and they've got great accents. Dream podcast
• 1:14:31
  guest. Ooh, great question. I would say podcast
• 1:14:38
  guest. I would say. I would say it would be so
• 1:14:43
  fun to have Oprah on. Oprah? Yeah. Oh, yeah,
• 1:14:47
  it would. It'd be amazing. Oprah would be an
• 1:14:49
  incredible guy. Okay, we're going to put that
• 1:14:50
  out there in the universe for you. Yeah. Oprah
• 1:14:52
  on your podcast. We're putting it out there,
• 1:14:55
  okay? We're going to find a way to make this
• 1:14:56
  happen. Favorite book? My favorite book is The
• 1:14:59
  Four Agreements. I mentioned it earlier. That's
• 1:15:01
  your favorite? Uh -huh. Okay, well, we're definitely
• 1:15:03
  going to make sure that's in the show notes for
• 1:15:04
  sure. Animal you'd want as your spirit guide?
• 1:15:07
  Ooh, I would say a lion. Okay. Yeah. That makes
• 1:15:12
  sense. Yeah. They're big. They're strong. They're
• 1:15:15
  powerful. They're brave. They're leaders. Yeah.
• 1:15:17
  I mean, if mine was a lion, it would have to
• 1:15:20
  also have the voice of James Earl Jones. Just
• 1:15:24
  got me through with that deep, booming voice.
• 1:15:26
  Oh, I love his voice. Could you imagine if he
• 1:15:29
  got to narrate your life? Oh, it'd be amazing.
• 1:15:32
  I'll throw in also potentially the singing from...
• 1:15:38
  Alton Fitzgerald White. So he's his book right
• 1:15:42
  here. We had him on the podcast. He played Mufasa
• 1:15:44
  on Broadway more than 4 ,000 times. Wow. He's
• 1:15:47
  got a great deep voice, like just speaking voice.
• 1:15:50
  And then when he sings, it's like, oh my goodness.
• 1:15:52
  He can sing the phone book and I would love it.
• 1:15:55
  So if he could be my animal guide with that voice,
• 1:15:58
  that'd be amazing too. Favorite food? Favorite
• 1:16:02
  food is steak. Steak. Where's your favorite place
• 1:16:05
  to go for it? My grill. Oh, your own grill? My
• 1:16:08
  own grill. I was like, my grill? Is that a place
• 1:16:10
  I don't know? No, your own home grill. Okay,
• 1:16:12
  well, where do you buy the steak from? The local
• 1:16:14
  butcher. Okay, so you go to like an official
• 1:16:17
  butcher to get it because you got to get the
• 1:16:19
  best. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, my favorite. I did this
• 1:16:22
  for myself last year on my birthday. I went and
• 1:16:24
  got a cut of A5 Wagyu and did it on my grill.
• 1:16:28
  Oh, my. And how do you cook it? Two minutes on
• 1:16:31
  each side. So you're like rare? Or is that medium
• 1:16:35
  rare? That's literally the cook for that steak.
• 1:16:40
  Okay. Like I bought it. How hot, what temperature
• 1:16:43
  is it to do two minutes on each side? It got
• 1:16:46
  to like 135, which is right where I wanted it.
• 1:16:49
  Okay. Oh, the grill was 500. Okay, 500. That's
• 1:16:52
  what I was going for. The steak was. So I bought
• 1:16:54
  it and they looked at me because it's not a cheap
• 1:16:57
  cut. No. And they're like, do you know how to
• 1:17:00
  cook this? I love that. It's like, absolutely.
• 1:17:02
  And they're like, are you sure? And I said, I
• 1:17:04
  got this. Two minutes on each side, 500 degrees.
• 1:17:08
  It's fine. And it was amazing. It was so tender
• 1:17:12
  that you didn't even need a knife. It sounds
• 1:17:16
  amazing. I'm going to have to find out the butcher
• 1:17:17
  you went to because steak is definitely my favorite.
• 1:17:20
  I love it. I love it. Part of why I like Ruth's
• 1:17:22
  Chris because they do steaks really well. But
• 1:17:25
  yeah, they don't have Wagyu. All right. Favorite
• 1:17:28
  city. Favorite city. I would say Split, Croatia.
• 1:17:33
  Really? Uh -huh. Okay. Tell me more. It was beautiful
• 1:17:38
  there. It's right on the Mediterranean Sea. The
• 1:17:41
  food is incredible because it's right next to
• 1:17:43
  Italy. So you're getting that flavor palette.
• 1:17:48
  Yeah. It's really inexpensive. The people are
• 1:17:51
  so nice. We stayed in a Roman castle while we
• 1:17:54
  were there. Okay, you might be convincing me
• 1:17:58
  I need to visit. I always thought, like, I don't
• 1:17:59
  know why people go to Croatia. I might be convinced.
• 1:18:02
  That was the place I went for my 4 a .m. sunrise
• 1:18:05
  photos, overlooking the bay. So you get the sun
• 1:18:09
  just peeking up over the bay. And I showed the
• 1:18:12
  pictures to the people in our group, and they
• 1:18:15
  were like, these are incredible. Can we get some?
• 1:18:17
  And I'm like, sure. It's like, come with me tomorrow.
• 1:18:20
  They're like, what time? I said, 4 a .m. They're
• 1:18:22
  like, never mind. We're good. They're like, send
• 1:18:26
  me yours. That's too funny. Okay. How about this
• 1:18:30
  one? This one might not be a rapid fire because
• 1:18:32
  it might take more explanation, but we're going
• 1:18:33
  to ask it anyways. How are you saying yes and
• 1:18:36
  in your life right now? I say yes and in my life
• 1:18:41
  when something's a full yes for me, I say yes.
• 1:18:46
  And then I add on my own part to it. And so yes,
• 1:18:50
  and comes from improv comedy. It sure does. And
• 1:18:52
  so, hey, I'm going to take what you're offering
• 1:18:55
  and now I'm going to add my piece. And so that's,
• 1:18:58
  I'm showing up as me. I'm taking what you're
• 1:19:02
  adding and we're world building together. We're
• 1:19:05
  co -creating. And so I strive to do that in my
• 1:19:09
  friendships, my relationships, in my communities.
• 1:19:14
  just creating that world of yes and phenomenal
• 1:19:16
  phenomenal um and then last rapid fire question
• 1:19:21
  again this one might not be so rapid but what
• 1:19:23
  is the question i should have asked you that
• 1:19:27
  i didn't i would say what did it take to remember
• 1:19:36
  how to love yourself okay so that is the question
• 1:19:39
  um so I grew up and lived the whole expected
• 1:19:49
  life. So lived in church, grew up in church,
• 1:19:52
  went to youth group, started playing in the church
• 1:19:56
  band, met my wife, got married young. We were
• 1:20:00
  married for 10 years. I thought that what I was
• 1:20:06
  supposed to do was lose my identity so that we
• 1:20:10
  could create a new one together. Come to find
• 1:20:12
  out. They call that codependence. That's exactly
• 1:20:15
  the word that came to my mind when you said that.
• 1:20:17
  I was like, oh, yeah, it's codependency. I didn't
• 1:20:19
  know it at the time. But started there. When
• 1:20:24
  the marriage ended, I had to go figure out who
• 1:20:29
  I was again, starting from nothing. So I had
• 1:20:32
  to rebuild from the ground up. And so I had learned
• 1:20:37
  how to be really, really hard on myself. I spent
• 1:20:42
  a whole year just learning who I was and then
• 1:20:47
  started learning as much as I possibly could
• 1:20:50
  about leadership, about values, about who do
• 1:20:55
  I want to be. And then realized I was still really
• 1:20:58
  hard on myself because I would set goals for
• 1:21:01
  myself and it was pass -fail. So if it was pass...
• 1:21:05
  give myself about two minutes to celebrate and
• 1:21:07
  then i'm on to the next goal if it's fail i'm
• 1:21:10
  gonna beat myself up for that i'm gonna be really
• 1:21:13
  hard on myself and what i realized is i can still
• 1:21:18
  achieve the exact same thing in my life but i
• 1:21:22
  can do it from a place of loving myself and compassion
• 1:21:24
  because if people can only love me to the extent
• 1:21:28
  i love myself and people will show up for me
• 1:21:33
  the way that I treat myself, because it's all
• 1:21:36
  a mirror. And like last year, I decided I was
• 1:21:42
  going to lose some weight. And in the past, I
• 1:21:45
  had always done it by being really restrictive
• 1:21:46
  and really hard on myself. I knew how to get
• 1:21:48
  the results. But I decided I was going to lose
• 1:21:51
  some weight. And in about six months, I lost
• 1:21:54
  50 pounds. And I did it from a place of self
• 1:21:58
  -love, self -care. And I did it in a way that
• 1:22:00
  was sustainable for me. And so I could feel the
• 1:22:04
  difference. I was like, oh, I'm finally embodying
• 1:22:08
  that level of self -love that I've been working
• 1:22:12
  on for years. Yeah. Amazing. What a great answer.
• 1:22:15
  Yeah. Great question. As well. Glad you asked
• 1:22:19
  it. So as we kind of wrap up, what are your three
• 1:22:24
  actionable takeaways? So for self -trust, the
• 1:22:30
  first thing I would do. is I would say, get to
• 1:22:33
  know yourself. Who are you right now? And ways
• 1:22:37
  you can do it is journaling. You can do it by
• 1:22:40
  reflection. You can do it prayer or meditation.
• 1:22:43
  Just get to know yourself. Get curious about
• 1:22:46
  who you are right now. Get curious about what
• 1:22:51
  you like, what you don't like, and write it down.
• 1:22:55
  Okay, love that. So get curious and write it
• 1:22:57
  down? The second step is... as you know your
• 1:23:01
  own voice learn how to take in feedback as somebody
• 1:23:08
  else's perspective and their truth rather than
• 1:23:12
  the truth capital t each person has their own
• 1:23:16
  perspective yeah and so what we said earlier
• 1:23:19
  take what's useful discard what's not so anything
• 1:23:23
  i've said on this podcast take what's useful
• 1:23:26
  discard what's not this is my perspective yeah
• 1:23:31
  and check in with yourself this is the third
• 1:23:34
  part check in with yourself does this feel true
• 1:23:37
  for me right now and then how do i want to implement
• 1:23:43
  what i've heard that resonates with me that lands
• 1:23:47
  with me that feels good in my gut how do i want
• 1:23:50
  to implement that in my life pick one to three
• 1:23:52
  things that say i know i can do this today that
• 1:23:57
  feels achievable i'm not picking the hundred
• 1:24:01
  year plan i'm not even picking the five -year
• 1:24:03
  plan pick something that you can do today or
• 1:24:06
  tomorrow just notice one or two or three things
• 1:24:10
  and it could be as simple as hey i'm going to
• 1:24:13
  write down one thing i love about myself i'm
• 1:24:16
  going to notice where i might pause on a decision
• 1:24:21
  and just make one and it could be a low stakes
• 1:24:24
  decision i i used to go on these drives where
• 1:24:27
  it was i would just ask myself left or right
• 1:24:30
  and the point of the drive was to learn how to
• 1:24:34
  trust myself and so i would just go on these
• 1:24:36
  drives and i was just when i got to a crossroads
• 1:24:39
  right or left it didn't matter what the answer
• 1:24:42
  was but most of the time i wound up somewhere
• 1:24:44
  really cool yeah wound up at a park wound up
• 1:24:46
  in a field wound up at a taco truck sure in fact
• 1:24:50
  i had a friend do one i mentioned it to her a
• 1:24:53
  couple weeks ago and she's like chair I did your
• 1:24:57
  intuitive drive and I'm at a taco stand. And
• 1:25:00
  I'm like, well, you did it right. If it ends
• 1:25:03
  in a taco stand, you did it right. I'm a big
• 1:25:05
  taco fan as well. But I would definitely be there
• 1:25:07
  like, yes, tacos. And today's Tuesday. So what
• 1:25:10
  a perfect day to be talking about tacos. Oh,
• 1:25:12
  yeah, it is. Taco Tuesday. Yeah. So the recording
• 1:25:15
  today is a Tuesday. So when people listen to
• 1:25:17
  this on a Thursday, just. that next Tuesday,
• 1:25:19
  go find yourself at a taco stand. We are giving
• 1:25:22
  you permission to trust yourself and go get tacos.
• 1:25:24
  That's right. It's always a good answer. Appreciate
• 1:25:27
  you so much. Thank you so much for the conversation
• 1:25:29
  today, for your willingness to share your story,
• 1:25:32
  be vulnerable with us, help to explore things,
• 1:25:36
  be curious, asking questions. I think there's
• 1:25:40
  so much that people can learn from the Lion King,
• 1:25:43
  from the things that you had to share with your
• 1:25:45
  coaching experience and how we can learn to trust
• 1:25:46
  ourselves. how we can learn to find a bit more
• 1:25:49
  happiness by doing that, finding the love for
• 1:25:52
  ourselves, and then we can show up better for
• 1:25:54
  other people as we do that. So thank you so much.
• 1:25:56
  Of course. Thank you for having me, Ryan. You
• 1:25:57
  got it. It's a pleasure. As you leave this conversation,
• 1:26:00
  remember that yes, the past can hurt and you
• 1:26:04
  can either run from it or you can learn from
• 1:26:06
  it. So here's to learning and finding joy in
• 1:26:10
  the journey. See you real soon.