Latest / INSPIRE STORY / #0172_ Bomb Disney World — Dark Comedy, Chaos & Unfiltered Stories

Transcript

#0172_ Bomb Disney World — Dark Comedy, Chaos & Unfiltered Stories · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: And now, Tim Dillon is going to hell!
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Welcome to Tim Dillon is going to hell, everybody. Congrats
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: to Booga, who won the Fortnite World Cup. He is
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: my best friend. He is 16. I'm a gamer. Many
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: of you know this. I love gaming and the whole
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: gaming community. And it is a honor to call Booga.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: I think that's how you pronounce it. Booga. He is
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: a friend. A confidant. That's what I do. I'm 35
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: and I watch people play video games on Twitch. That's
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: what I do. That's how I spend my time on
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: this earth. And if you tell me that that's not
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: a good use of my time, if you attack me
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: and say that my time could be better spent doing
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: other things, I will react like an animal that has
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: been backed into a corner. I will react like a
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: feral possum in a garbage can if you even suggest
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: to me kindly that I should do something else. If
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: you tell me that I should not go to a
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: theme park designed for children, I am going to lash
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: out in a myriad of ways. I am going to
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: lose my mind. I'm going to view it as you
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: trying to kill me and my family if you just
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: suggest that I potentially find something else to do than
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: go to a theme park designed for really toddlers in
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: my mid-30s. Because that's an attack on me. Because, you know,
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: not everybody's parents had the wherewithal financially to bring them
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: to Disney World when they were children. So for those
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: of you who... Those of us who missed out on that,
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: it's important that we recapture that experience at 38. We
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: shouldn't just move on and go, you know... Everyone is
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: not going to have every experience in life. Everyone won't,
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: but they, they should. And I think resigning yourself to
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: that idea that maybe you've just missed the fucking window
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: for Disney world is defeatist attitude. I think you got
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: to go out no matter what age, because we're all
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: kids inside, right? Won't that be Jeffrey Epstein's defense? We're
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: all kids inside. And if you suggest for a moment
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: to me that I should not try to right every
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: wrong from my childhood. Now, of course, folks, I'm doing
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: a character. I don't believe what I'm saying. That is
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: part of the comedic effect of what I'm doing. I
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: am I am playing a character of someone. I have
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: been to Disney World twice. When I was a child,
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: when I was supposed to enjoy it, I did not
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: enjoy it as a child. In fact, and I know
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: that this is really the opposite of what is said,
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: I worry about the children who do enjoy it. I
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: worry about the children who like the torture of other
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: human beings, that they're made to walk around in costumes,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: in 102 degree weather. I worry about those children that
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: don't see through this. Even at a young age. There
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: was an article written in the New York Post about
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: millennials visiting Disney World because some woman on Facebook, some
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: rant went viral where she was angry about that there
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: was a lot of millennials walking around Disney World preventing
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: her and her child from getting a pretzel, you know,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: or going on the rides or whatever. And I don't
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: know her. I'm not necessarily in her camp. Number one,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: why are you getting a pretzel in Disney World? Is
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: that why you went? Is that why your fat child
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: went to Disney World? I'm pretty sure you could have
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: satiated him at a rest stop if that was the
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: big issue. If he just needed a carb, maybe you
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: didn't need to spend all that money to go to
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: the theme park. But she was angry that her son...
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: whose blood sugar levels were rapidly dropping in the park,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: could not, she could not procure a pretzel for her child.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: So she lashed out at who she felt was the culprit,
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: childless millennials who were in the park. Now, you know,
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: it's a tough thing here because I have friends who,
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: that really love Disney World. And that counts as a
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: mark against them when I think of them. Nobody's perfect.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I have a lot of marks against me. When people
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: think of me as a friend, you know, there's a
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: lot of things that go in my negative column. What
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: will he bring up? What will he feel is appropriate
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: to discuss at a barbecue? You know, what rage-filled diatribe
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: will he go into without anyone even inviting that kind
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: of energy? He will just show up and bring it. Now,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: I understand that, but to me, Disney World, I went twice.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I went when I was a child. My parents went,
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: and this is true, to try to save their marriage.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: This is a fact. My parents, my boomer parents, went
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: to Disney World to try to save what was a
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: failing marriage. And everybody knew that. At that point, they
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: were sleeping in separate rooms. My mother had taken in
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: this girl, Dorothy, who was like my babysitter. And Dorothy
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: came from a real crack family. And my mother said,
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: come to our home, which is also... relatively unhappy, but
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: none of us are on crack. Cause my mother was
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: actually like a giving person. She was a good person.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: She helped the girl get into college and everything like that.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: And then of course, as soon as a girl got
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: into college and, you know, did everything, she, she left,
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: she never spoke to us again, you know, whatever it is,
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: what it is. Uh, but we all went down to
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Disney world. Uh, and, uh, me, my father, my mother
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: and Dorothy, uh, this kind of broad-shouldered, brutish woman that
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: my mother... Not... She was... I'm trying to remember what
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: she looked like. Some people found her attractive. She had
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: a masculine energy, the woman. She did. Women got to
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: watch out. A lot of women that are swimmers, their
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: shoulders get very aggressive. You know? Um... And you notice
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: that if you watch the Olympics and you see females
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: that are swimmers, their shoulders are very, you know. And
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: that was Dorothy's deal. She was pretty, but, you know, built.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: So my father, my mother, and Dorothy and myself went
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: to Disney World. This is maybe 1993, 4. I'm 7
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: or 8 years old. We go to Disney World. We
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: stay in the Grand Floridian, which is, I believe, still
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: the top hotel. It's still the top hotel. First of all,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: I will say this about Disney World. If you're not
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: staying on the property, guys, if you're not even staying
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: on the property, I mean, what kind of experience? And
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: everywhere at Disney World takes three and a half hours
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: to get to, even if you're staying on the property.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: You got to take a monorail, a boat, a train.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: And my mother and father hated each other with passion. OK,
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: so my mother insisted that we all take naps in
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: the in the middle. of the day which is actually
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: not a bad idea you go to Disney World in
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: the morning you go to the character breakfast which why
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: my mother and father I swear to God fought so
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: bitterly at the character breakfast that none of the characters
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: would come near the table and They were all orbiting
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: around the table. None of them wanted to come near
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: the table because my mother and father were fighting about money.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: That's why all marriages fail for the most part is
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: because you have too little money or you have too
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: much money. And if you have too much money, you go,
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: why am I fucking you? What you need in a
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: marriage is just enough money to keep people doing it.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: But you need a little bit of fear. You need
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: a little bit of the idea of like, can we
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: afford this divorce? What happens? What happens on the other
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: side of this? If everyone is too comfortable, one of
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: my friends is a divorce lawyer in Beverly Hills. Too
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: much comfort breeds just people going, you know what? I
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: don't know. I don't know anymore. You don't really excite me.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: But just enough money, just enough, keeps people like my
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: parents in a loveless marriage for 20 years and ruins
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: their children's life. So that's what you want. You want
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: just enough money to keep things going. Divorce is such
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: a big deal, and most people don't realize it. A
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: friend of mine said recently, and he said this, and
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: this is aggressive, and people are going to get angry.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: But when you are a child of divorce, it really
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: extinguishes the hope that you're really ever going to have
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: a normal and I don't want to use the word normal,
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: but a conventional life. Like, I think the way that
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: he worded it is you're just kind of like you're fucked,
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: you're damaged. Now, because everything is so bad now, divorce
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: barely registers as something that damages people because everything's like
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: so bad. Kids are in cages. Everybody's on heroin. Kids
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: are in foster care. They're being farmed out. CPS is
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: stealing kids and selling them to senators. So a divorce
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: is like good. That's like the good option. Oh, oh,
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: your parents just got divorced. That's like great. That's like phenomenal.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: But the reality is it's not. It's really not. Okay.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Mommy and daddy going, you know what? We're not into
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: this anymore. And we're barely into you because that's what
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: a divorce is. At the end of the day, it's
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: them going, we're so not into each other that you
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: are no longer even uniting us for a few years.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: You actually were the drug. Cause that's also why people
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: get divorced because they don't have kids. You need to
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: have a child if you're married, because otherwise what are
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: you doing? It's stupid. Marriage without children is kind of
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: dumb unless you were like trying if you're running like
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: an empire and your days are full of meetings and
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: whatever it is and, you know, going on. you know,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: retreats and whatever it is that keeps you and that
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: person really, but otherwise it's a child. And if it's
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: not a child, you're all, you're, you're, you're heading towards
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: the end. It's just a matter of time. I had
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: a friend recently, not a, not really a friend. I
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: call everyone a friend on the show. I have three friends,
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: but everyone's a friend. No, one's a friend to be
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: honest with you. I have, I, I, I, you know,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: everybody's getting canceled. We're going to go through that later
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: in the program. And I want you to start canceling
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: people from your inner circle. I've recently telling you, cancel
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: your family. You should have done that already. Cancel your
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: extended family and your acquaintances. Now I want you to
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: start canceling your close friends that you've known for a
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: very long time. And we'll get into why later. But
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: the reality is divorce is a thing. People act like
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: it's not a thing. People tend to think it doesn't matter.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: But it's traumatizing, especially if... it goes on for a while.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: Like my parents' divorce went on for two years because
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: neither one of them could afford to get lawyers. So
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: they had a mediator and a mediator just comes to
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: your house and your parents just argue at a dining
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: room table over a collection of beanie babies or whatever
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: the fuck they had. These fucking boomers had nothing. They
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: had a few lamps. Aunt Gussie's table. I remember my
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: mother said that she goes, well, who's going to get
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Aunt Gussie's table? And I'm like, hi, I'm 13 and
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: I'm about to embark on a decade of drug use.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Could one of you maybe check in perhaps while we're
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: dividing up a table that has a market value of
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: at best $ 75? I'm a living organism that you both
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: have created. So could potentially maybe you find the time
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: to check in on how I'm doing while you divide
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: up all the winnings of 20 years of having no
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: college education and no financial planning. Okay. And believing you
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: could retire by collecting Hess trucks. and then putting them
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: in a room, and my father, who I love, who
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: came to my show last night in New York, while
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: my dad being a musician, and you know, his most
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: prized possessions were his guitars. This isn't, they're just boomers.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: It's not really specific to them. Do you know how
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: many fucking people messaged me after that boomer rant? They
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: were like, fuck, man. Wow. They're just dealing with the tools.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: Imagine you were on acid in a field listening to
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Jimi Hendrix and then snap, that's over and you got
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: to get a job. And Reagan's in office and everybody's like,
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: you got to work now. And you're like, wait, what?
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: What about the revolution? Now you have kids and you
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: got to pack them a school lunch and you can't
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: just play guitar anymore naked, you know, and slide down
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: a hill. I get it. It was jarring. But divorce
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: is more of a thing that people tend to give
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: it credit for. I'm friends with divorce attorneys. These kids
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: have to go and testify in a court. Do you
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: know how much this fucks up children? having to testify
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: and get cross-examined and then bringing in experts and stuff
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: like that. I mean, I am not a religious person
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: by nature. I am not somebody who's like, I'm not
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: into cults really. Other than comedy, which certainly is a
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: religion and it makes the least sense of all of them.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: And I'm including even the forms of Christianity where they
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: baptize you with like 40 people. and you take a
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: little bus. By the way, is there any better movie?
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Robert Duvall is the Apostle. What a great film. Go
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: watch The Apostle with Robert Duvall. I want to get
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: into fucking evangelical Christianity. After watching that, I want to
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: go to one of those swamp-like churches. It's so great. Um,
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: but I'm not a religious person or mosaic. Should I
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: join mosaic, which is the LA church. Everybody's really hot
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: at mosaic. Everybody's hot. And all the actors are members
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: of it. And they all, they all go there and
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: they have like rock bands playing and everybody's like got
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: a guitar and it's electric guitar. And they're like, Jesus
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: said to be an influencer, you know? What's great about
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: Mosaic is it marries the two things that Jesus really
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: cared about, faith and being an influencer. And that's what
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: they're about there. They don't really like gays too much.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: They don't say they don't like gays because they're in L.A.,
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: So they don't let gays occupy the higher tier positions
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: of the church. Somebody was telling me this, like I
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: gave a fuck. Like some gay person was like talking
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: to me. They're like, you know what? The mosaic church,
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: if you're gay, you can't occupy the high. So I'm like, oh,
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: so in the cult that you've willingly joined, you can't
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: ascend to the higher tier of the pretend cult that
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: you attend every week. Well, I am sorry. What a
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: tragedy for you. I'm very sad. It's really nuts. Like
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: somebody coming up to you talking about, you know, Scientology
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: being like, you know, I really just aren't, I'm not
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: advancing in the way that I feel like I should be. Yeah,
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: don't be in it then. I don't know what to
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: tell you. I don't know why you're in it anyway. Mosaic.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's nice looking. There's some really gorgeous people
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: that go. I get it. I get why people want spirituality.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: I'm not against it, by the way. I'm not against religion.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: I know I shit on certain things cause it's funny,
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: but everybody needs something and I totally fucking get it.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: So I, if you're out there and you're a religious person,
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: good for you. Okay. But divorce is one of those
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: things that does fuck kids up. Nobody, nobody cares, but
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: it does. I'm not saying, and listen, I'm not, don't
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: obviously don't stay together with If it's the worst marriage
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: in the world, that can also fuck kids up. That's
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: people's argument. They're like, well, should we stay together if
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: we're just beating each other? It's like, no, the goal
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: would be to not be in the worst marriage in
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: the world. To try to not get into that. Now, obviously,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: sometimes that just happens. I get it. So my family
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: went to Disney World and this was really right before
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: things fell apart. Things were being held together. I mean,
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: this was really, when you look back, it's really after
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: things fell apart, but before, you know, the consequences of that.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: It's what it really is. They were at the table
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: at the Grand Floridian character breakfast. And I remember it.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: And I remember my father shoving what I imagine was
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: a competently cooked egg in his mouth because it is
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: a nice hotel and I remember he looked at my
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: mother and he goes will you shut the fuck up
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: so these things will come over here he called them
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: things which by the way he is right about he's
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: absolutely right Like there was no romanticizing of what this
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: place was, which I kind of now in hindsight appreciate.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: He wasn't like, so Mickey will come over. He was like,
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: so this thing, because it ain't Mickey. You don't know
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: who is in that suit. Why has there never been
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: a documentary about the dark side of Disney World? They
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: are so powerful. Disney is so fucking powerful. Has there
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: ever been a doc? Have you ever seen anything? I mean,
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: maybe I'm wrong.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: I think Banksy did that thing on it.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: What did he do?
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: He went in there to the little children one. It's
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: a small world after all.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: It's a small world.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: And he dressed a guy in a Guantanamo Bay outfit
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: and he hung him. Or like a roller coaster He
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: had a hanging Guantanamo Bay prisoner And he did it
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: with that Mr.
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: Brainwash guy Americans don't notice, they think it's great Look,
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: there's a Gitmo prisoner This is a good ride I
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: thought this ride was for faggots But it's good I
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: thought a small.
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: World was for faggots I fought my wife But I
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: didn't know we were going to see Muslims get hung
• 21:11
  Speaker 5: This is great That'll make it the most popular ride
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: In the whole fucking place They love it.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Banksy hung this Guantanamo Bay. Yeah, it was the
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: longest line at the whole park. They're hanging Muslims in there.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: It's worth the wait. No, but I mean, like, is
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: there a doc? There's no doc. Nobody's done a doc
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: because you can't shoot in there, right? Right. The Florida Project,
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: which was a phenomenal movie, which got no Emmys, it
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: was ignored because it was about poor whites. I hate
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: to say it. That's really what it was. And that's
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: the reality. And I don't consider those people white, number one,
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: and neither does any white person. Like, no one, like,
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: and I don't mean, and I'm not saying, like, when you,
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: when that girl who did a great job, whatever her
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: name is, I forget, Bria Vinite or something, phenomenal, she
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: was barely an actress. They cast her on Instagram. They
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: gave her some acting lessons and she fucking knocked it
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: out of the park. And that little girl, I think
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: her name was Brooklyn, whatever, whatever, she was great too. But, like,
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: she's living in a, in a, in a, in a
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: hotel in Florida, a motel, that really exists. And the
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Florida Project actually used some of the real people that
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: live in the motel. I mean, hopefully they paid them.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: Probably not. Hey, can we just put a camera in
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: front of your horror? Do you mind that? But it
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: was a great thing, but it didn't tackle sexuality. It
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: didn't tackle race. It didn't tackle, you know, it was
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: just a poor white chick who's like, you know how
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I be doing. So it's like, again, this ain't, bush
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: white it ain't country club white this isn't scandinavian nordic
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: white eating salmon gravlax this is fucking how you doing
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: like that person doesn't want to be white it was
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: in the florida pro like but it was a great
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: movie but at the end of it they shot in
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: disney world but they shot it on a phone secretively
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: Remember that? Right, right, yeah.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: I remember you showing me some, what was it, The
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: Florida Man? Some doc called that?
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Florida. I think it was called Florida. Well, that's
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: a great doc about Florida.
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: I just wonder, and I could be wrong. There could
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: be a book about this. Somebody could hit me up.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: There doesn't seem to be any, like, let's pull back
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: the veil on Disney World because there's got to be
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: shit going on. Yeah. I think one of the heiresses
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: or somebody recently, like one of the family members I
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: could be wrong in this, maybe look this up, was
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: kind of alarmed that the people at the park weren't
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: making enough money. She was kind of like, I'm kind
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: of shocked that they're not making money. I'm pretty sure
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: this was Disney World. Because you know that there's issues
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: in a place like Disney World. I mean, there's got
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: to be. Yeah, this happened, right? Yeah, yeah.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: It's loading right now.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: So it's the Harris to Disney. Disney Harris says she's
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: livid about Disneyland wages and working conditions.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: Right. Right.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: She's the granddaughter of Walt Disney Company.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: By the way, she's the next person they're going to
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: hang and it's a small world. She'll be the next.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: She's already a Pirates of the Caribbean. She's already been
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: thrown into the lake. Okay. So what I'm saying is
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: there's got to be a doc to be made, but
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: you probably figure if I make it, I don't work again. Right.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: And don't fucking... I ain't making that shit. I ain't
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: making that. I don't have the money to make it,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: but if I did have the money to make it,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't because I think I have a long future
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: with Disney. But my father and my mother... took us
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: to Disney World, and I remember it being fine. My
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: mother was like, we got to nap in the middle
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: of the day, and then we'll go out at night,
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: which is kind of a good idea. We did the morning,
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: then we took a nap, because in the middle of
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: the day, it's the hottest and the most crowded. So
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: my mom was actually pretty smart, you know?
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: I mean.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: So she established that rule, but it's also tough to
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: force a nap. Like, everyone's forcing a nap. It's tough,
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: but it is a better system. It's just tough. Just
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: tough it at 1 p.m. when everybody else is at
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: the park. We're going back to the room. And my
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: mother's like, go to bed. Go to sleep. And then
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: she made us go to Epcot. Nobody wants to go
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: to fucking Epcot. But Epcot was not... I mean, we
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: did go to a nice French restaurant. There are some
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: nice restaurants in Epcot, you know? The second time I
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: returned to Disney World was.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: There's a movie called Noises Off. Sometimes I've got to
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: recommend these things to you people because many of you
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: live in cultural wastelands. I can see that. You message me.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll friend you back. I know that there's a
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: movie called Noises Off with Michael Caine, John Ritter, Christopher Walken,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: Mary Lou Henner, fucking Carol Burnett. It's about a Broadway
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: play that just falls apart every night and everybody hates
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: each other. It really gets close to what it is
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: to be in the Be in any type of arts
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: where everyone hates each other and everyone's a delusional psychopath
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: who thinks they're essential. And Michael Caine has a line
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: in this that I absolutely love. He goes, he's talking
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: about how bad the play was. And he goes, nothing
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: could prepare us. I think it was Cleveland. He goes,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: nothing could prepare us for Cleveland. It was the final horror.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: And I always remember the second time I went to
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: Disney World was the final horror. I was in a
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: dance troupe. Because I was an actor. I was a thespian.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: I was an actor. And you had to learn how
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: to dance and sing to be a child actor. So
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: I was a tap dancer. And I was in a
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: school in Long Island, New York called Legs. They're very
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: creative in Long Island. Have we mentioned that? Have we
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: touched on the limitless creativity and talent of those people?
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I think we have. Well, the school was called Legs.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: And I was chosen to be the Boogie Woogie Bugle
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: Boy in the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy dance number. which
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: is a song. And I was a little fat preteen
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: just starting to go through puberty, just starting to get
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: my newly fat body. As my mother said to me once,
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: she goes, you're a mesomorph. You collect weight in your stomach.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, how about we not eat fast food
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: every night and watch television? Could anyone suggest another course
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: of action? Thank God for like Joe Rogan telling people
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: how to be healthy. Thank God. everything now is about
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: the celebration of being 700 pounds and on nine medications. Like,
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: thank God that there's some, there are some people out
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: there that go, maybe that's not the move. Okay. So
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: we go down there as a dance troupe. I'm the
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: boogie woogie bugle boy. I don't know what you think
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: when you think you're going to perform at Disney world. You,
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: you probably imagine that there's going to be some magical,
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: you know, big theater, uh, or it's going to be
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: at night, it's going to be well lit, there's going
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: to be a lot of people that are excited to
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: see you, or whatever. They set up a stage by
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: the bathrooms, and it was in the middle of the day,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: and it was dog heat. Dog heat, Florida humidity. And
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: a lot of people in the dance troupe, because they
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: were from Long Island, were a bit paunchy. Even the ladies,
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: they were a bit paunchy. Okay. Not all of them,
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: but some of them were, you know, this wasn't exactly
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: the top tier. This wasn't like winning the dance competitions.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: This was like the leftovers. Okay. And so that trip,
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: we stayed at a hotel called the dolphin. And I
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: remember me and a bunch of fat chicks going, in
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: boogie boogie bugle boy outfits. These were, these were like
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: tan military outfits and they were hot and we were
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: sweating through them. Even as children, we looked like, we
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: looked like a regiment of soldiers that the government would
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: just try out like some, like, you know, mind control
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: drug on, you know, like just the forgotten platoon of
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: soldiers that no one would even go back for. Leave them.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: They're all dead. Just say they're dead. We'll tell their
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: parents they're dead. There was no Saving Private Ryan for
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: this group. I'll tell you that much. If you took
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: a look at us, we were done. And we would
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: take a boat from the Dolphin to Disney World every
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: day and just chubby kids sweating through tan, weird military uniforms.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: And then we would go to this stage by the
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: bathrooms and flail around in the heat and fat tourists
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Would stare at us While they were on the line
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: for the bathroom While they were choking down a churro
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: And they would just stare at us And we would
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: dance And then afterwards there was like Very little clapping
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: You know Which is so embarrassing Very It was kind
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: of like They were like People were like And then
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: we would do it again Like five minutes later That
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: we would keep doing the same The same number So
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: we didn't have any other number So we'd keep doing
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: the same number And they had already seen it So
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: now like they would look away Now they would like
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: They Now no one even had cell phones So they
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: couldn't even look at their phone They were just literally
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: staring at other things And like we would be performing
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: to people's backs So So That was a low point
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: in my life that even Splash Mountain couldn't fix. Splash
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: Mountain was fun. But I remembered as I was coming
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: down Splash Mountain, I'm like, oh, this is life for
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: most people. It's just drudgery and hell. And you get
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: one moment of weightlessness where water is sprayed in your face.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: And then they hand you a picture and they go,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: get the fuck out. And that's what happened to us.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: So if you connect with Disney World, like some of
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: my friends do, and they're good people. Jared Logan, a
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: friend of mine who's a comedian, made a great point.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: He goes, Disney is the first culture that you're introduced
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: to as a child. But it shouldn't be the last.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: You should go and find other things that speak to
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: you as well. Don't be like my friend Michael who goes,
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: I don't like movies or TV. And I'm like, why?
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: He's like, I don't like fake shit. He's like, sports
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: has all the drama you need. He goes, all the
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: drama you need is in sports. Nothing can compete with sports. Okay. Nothing.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: Not a novel. Nothing. Nothing can compete with a playoff game.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: That's it. And I'm not knocking sports. I get how
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: engrossing sports is and for fucking great reason. But come on.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: So those are my experiences personally with Disney World. So
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: I had a couple on my tour bus once because
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: I was a tour guide in New York City. And
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: they got on and they had Disney shirts on. And
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: it's very interesting when you meet people who, they don't
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: only enjoy Disney World, it's their brand. It's who they
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: are as people. And when you're older, you should realize that, oh,
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: that's not goofy. That's a person who's dying in 100
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: degree weather in a suit with probably a rash that
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: is now bleeding. And they're not being paid well They
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: probably don't have health insurance They're about to pass out
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: That's best case Worst case, they're fucking a pedophile Copping
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: feels all day You know there's a few of them
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: in there That are like, look at me I got
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: it So, by the way, that would be great How
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: many people have been asked to leave Disney Because of
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: those issues Where's that? Where's that article? Julie K. Brown,
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: Miami Herald, Jane Mayer. How about you go down there? So,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: but these two people on my tour bus, they said
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: we were going to take a, they go, I said,
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: do you like New York? And they go, and by
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: the way, I'm out of New York. I'm full time
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: in LA. I, I'm done with New York, but there's
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: a few things that I require from a friend. One,
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: that you believe that society is on the verge of
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: imminent collapse. That helps. That helps only because there's less
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: of a learning curve with our friendship. If you're there already,
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: then we can have a little fun. That doesn't mean
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: you don't do good things. Go do good things. But
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: it just means that you have the awareness to know
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: that even though things are good In the square foot
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: you're standing on earth, down the block, there's massive problems. Okay?
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: That's one of the requirements I have. Another requirement I
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: have is that you are... What was I just saying?
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: I just lost myself. Right before the requirement for friends. Oh,
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: right before the requirement? No, because it.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: I prefer you not to take cruises. I prefer you
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: not to be the type of person who needs to
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: have your life planned for you. And like, like there's
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: a certain type of person who just does what everyone
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: else does all the time. And I get it when
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: you're single, there's the idea that like there's these things
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: are created for you to maybe meet other people. Okay.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: But if you have someone in your life, the idea
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: that you're still going with the flow, the idea that
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: you're still going on a vacation where people have planned
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: it for you, you don't have any independent thought, bothers me.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: But these two people were on my bus and, oh yeah,
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: so here's one of my requirements. You cannot hate New York.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: I just don't. I mean, you can complain about it.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: You can say that it dehumanizes people and it is
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: designed to crush people and destroy people. And I would
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: agree with all of that. But you still have to
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: not hate it. Like, Theo Vaughn's producer, this guy Johnny,
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: good-looking guy. I was talking to him on Instagram the
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: other day. He's an actor, and he goes, he's going
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: to New York, and I'm like, hey, man, New York's cool.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: And he's like, nah, I hate New York. L.A. 's
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: much better. Now, here's the thing. I like him. He's
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: a good guy. I don't know him. But I give
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: good-looking people all the chances in the world. You know,
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: he's on the show Power. Now, the show Power is
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: for people with a 75 IQ. When the one on
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: stars stars has never made a show for people that
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: have over a 90 IQ. That's just not what they're
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: going for. They want people that are very confused. So
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: that's what power is. Okay. And he was also in
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: the movie Ma. Now Ma is a film that no
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: one talked about. I can only imagine because it was
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: like a level of horrific horror. Because it's, what is it,
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Octavia Spencer? It's a horror movie where Octavia Spencer goes
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: around and stabs people. Whatever it is. So now he's
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: an actor and he's working. And I respect the hell
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: out of that. But these L.A. guys, sometimes they do
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: stuff and it ain't good. And they get rewarded for it.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: because they're good looking and they're hardworking and the things
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: they do a lot, not all the time. And Johnny's
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: probably a good act. I don't know. But a lot
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: of times these LA guys, they do things that are
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: no good. They're no good. And New York is a
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: place that really at one time provided itself on things
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: being good. And so sometimes people get a little threatened
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: or whatever, but he said to me, he's like, You know,
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: I hate New York. I just sent him a photo
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: of Oscar. I'm like, dude, maybe he was kidding. I
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: don't know. But I get why people like LA. If
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: you're just a hot person, LA's where it's at for you.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: If you're a hot person who's maybe not super fond
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: of books, LA's where it's at, you know? But the
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: thing is, you can't hate New York. So these two,
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: this couple on my tour bus, I go... What do
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: you think of New York? They go, eh, eh. And
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: they had the Disney shirts on and they go. They go,
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: to be honest, we're a little disappointed. We're going to
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: take a Disney cruise. We've taken three of them. So
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: we decided we were going to go to New York
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: this time. But we don't really like New York. We
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: actually were just talking about that we should have been
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: on a Disney cruise. Or they said, or go to
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: Disney World. And I go, well, why do you go
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: to Disney World? They go, well, it's the best place
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: on earth. And I go, well, why? I know that
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: that's kind of their slogan or whatever. But tell me why.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: tell me why it is. And they go, it's just great.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: They go, it's great. You can have so much fun.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: They go, it's all there. They go, it's all there,
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: the guy said. And I go, what is there? Can
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: you explain to me what is there? New York, we
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: have some of the best museums, the best restaurants. We
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: have Central Park. We have five boroughs. We have history, culture.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: We got all this shit. We got beaches. We got
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: the Hudson River an hour. I mean, I met, you know,
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: you know who did New York right, man? Fucking... in
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: shape Scandinavians, man. They're like, yeah, they're like, we went,
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: we took a train an hour out of the city.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: We went kayaking in the Hudson river. I'm like, yeah, yeah.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: You know who doesn't do that? Americans. They don't do that.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: They don't fit in the kayak. So they don't do that.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: They just walk around time square and eat food that
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: people hand them and fart and, and everything's too busy
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: and crowded. And they take the tour bus cause they
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: don't want to walk. And you didn't really get into
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: New York. They're like, how do people live? I have 90,000
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: acres for $ 14. I'm like, I understand that, sir. You
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: live on the Skinwalker Ranch. Okay? With a bunch of grays.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: It's for my conspiracy heads. You know where I'm at.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: You know where I'm at. But, okay, yeah, we get it. Yeah,
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: the price per square foot's a bit higher here, sir.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: That was everyone's favorite thing to do when they visited
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: New York. They were like, huh, what's this cost? $ 5, 000?
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: I've got 90 million acres.
• 40:47
  Speaker 5: For $ 4.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: I know, sir. I know. I understand that. And I'm
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: sure it's great. By the looks of you, sir... I
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: am sure it's great. I'm sure you're making use of
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: all of that space. But so this couple, they started
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: getting angry at me because I kept pressing them. I'm like,
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: what is there? What is there? It's all there. And
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: then they just got like angry. They were like mad.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: They're like New York. They're like, first of all, Disney
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: world's crowded. But the reality is they were these just
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: big oaf like children. Okay. They probably didn't have sex.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: They probably went to their hotel room every night and
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: just held hands until they... And then went into their
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: bathroom one at a time and masturbated. Because they were
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: probably like children that had never had a sexual awakening.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: That's what I imagine that they were. There's many people
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: in this comedy industry like that. I look at certain
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: agents and managers and they're like... And I'm like, oh,
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: you've never... you've never had sex with a man or
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: a woman or you're just, you know, that's why you're,
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: you know, getting off on roast battle. But so these two,
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: let's call them tards. I, when I was a kid,
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: my favorite vacation, because I was a kid, I was
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: a little faggot. So I wanted to go to rich.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: I wanted to go to nice places. Because gay people
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: have taste. Not all of them, but some of them. Now,
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: I know you're looking at me and you're like, oh,
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: look at your shirt. I get it. I'm not a fashionista.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: But what I'm telling you is I like to go
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: to places that are a little bit exclusive. They're a
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: little bit roped off. You don't invite the world, okay? Like,
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: I have friends that are like, I had a friend go,
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: don't you want to go to the Olympics? I said,
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: only if we're committing an act of terrorism. That would
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: be the only way I would feel that I would
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: want to go is if we were really focused and
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: we were really, you know. My favorite, I used to
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: look up these places. Like, I would call them. I'd
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: read magazines. This is all kind of pre-internet. I'd call
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: nice hotels in New York and I'd have them send
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: me brochures like the Four Seasons, the Lowell Hotel where
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: Eric Clapton used to Smoke cigars in the lobby. You
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: people know this that are listening in Ohio. Anyway, I'm
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: not negging Ohio. Relax. Calm down. If you're sensitive, get
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: out of here. You're not. So I like the good
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: life because there's a little faggot. You know that the
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: good life is good, you know? You look at the world,
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: you're like, these are cretins, some of these people out there.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: I like something that's a little different. So I made
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: my dad take me to a place called the Blantyre. Now,
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: the Blantyre... It was in Western, it was in, I
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: don't know, somewhere in the hills of Massachusetts. It was
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: like a Relay and Chateau is a group that has
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: a bunch of restaurants and a bunch of hotels. They're
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: very nice, like inns, country inns all over the world,
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: but there's a lot in America. And I said to
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: my dad, let's go to the Blantyre. I had to
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: kind of beg him. He goes, okay, I'll take you there.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: I don't think they allowed children. He had to literally
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: call the Blantyre and go, listen, I'm going to take
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: my son there. He's not a regular kid. He's not
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: going to want to play baseball. He's not going to
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: run around. You know, he just... The only thing that
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: will upset him is if the souffle falls before it
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: gets to the table. Then he will have a full-on meltdown. Okay?
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: Please let us take this faggot to your castle. I
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: imagine that was... The conversation. Now, we went to the Blantyre.
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: And immediately, I liked it immediately because as soon as
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: we got out of the car, they looked at us like,
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: you don't belong here. And if you're ever in a
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: place where people treat you like you belong there, you're
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: not in the right place. You're in the wrong place.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: Friendliness is desperation and fear. That's why at Disney World,
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: everyone's manic. They're like, welcome to Disney World. Because they're
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: afraid that you're going to go write a Yelp review.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: This place, we got out and they were like, hello.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: We went in. As we're checking in, an old woman
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: with pearls, she walks into this place and she goes,
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: there was a guy there. And she goes, excuse me,
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: I swear to God. This is like, because the lobby
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: and then there's like the restaurant to the side. She goes,
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: where's Maurice? And the guy goes, ma'am, Maurice is not here,
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: but I have all of the instructions for the event.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: I will be helping you. Everything is exactly as you wanted.
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: And it was just a great moment. And she goes,
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: excuse me? And you could tell that this man was
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: now filled with fear and trepidation. And me and my
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: father immediately turned around and loved it because we were
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: both poor. And when you're poor, nothing is better than
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: watching other poor people get abused. It's great, right? It's like, well,
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: it's not my day today. It's his day. So we
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: turn around and she goes, I've planned everything with Maurice.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Find Maurice. And now this guy is like, he says again,
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: he's like, man, Maurice is not here today. She goes,
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: You need to get Maurice now. And the guy, the
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: blood rushes out of his face. He walks to the manager.
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: The managers are scurrying around. And immediately, I just feel
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: this rush of calm come over my little 12-year-old body.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: I knew that I was in the right place. I
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: knew immediately that I was where I belonged because here
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: was a woman not going to tolerate it. She wasn't
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: going to tolerate this. Anything other than Maurice. I swear
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: to God, that was the guy's name. It's hilarious. That's
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: like the name of every fucking, you know, it's like
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: right out of a fucking 80s movie. And this woman
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: was out of date. So like, those are the kind
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: of occasions. We didn't do, I don't think we even
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: did anything for those two days. There was like a pool.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: There was golf. Maybe there was some other thing. We
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: walked around the grounds. We had like a really nice dinner.
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: But it was just around... Other people That were not
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: Going to Busch Gardens You know And So that's my
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: only thing If you love Disney World God bless you
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: Good for you I don't know that I want you
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: in my life There's reasons to love Disney World Having
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: Down Syndrome Being four. These are all reasons. Some people
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: get married at Disney World. Can you imagine they get
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: married in front of the cat? I mean, can you imagine?
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying, listen, I live a very undignified life.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: It's just what I do. It's just in the cards.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: But require a little bit of dignity to get married.
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: In front of the Magic Kingdom and Disney World to
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: me I mean, have you never had a thought? Have
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: you never had a thought in your head? Go somewhere
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: There are so many places in the world to go
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I've been getting into watching I'm watching Killer Whales
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: Torture Seals which they do. Killer whales, by the way,
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: this is why I didn't care about blackfish. Killer whales
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: are vicious animals. People think they're like tuxedo-wearing fish. They're not.
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: They are vicious killers, and they torture the seal. You
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: could YouTube it. You see the seal on the little
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: block of ice, and they're just kind of nudging it.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: And then finally, that little fat seal goes in the water,
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: and then they eat him. And it is what it is.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: It's the way of the world. It's the way of
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: the natural world. The natural world is brutal. It's cold.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: It's chaos. That's what nature is. I love that Woody
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: Allen when he goes, I'm two with nature. You know,
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: he's great.
• 49:28
  Speaker 6: Reality.
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, don't start with me. The reality is
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: there's a lot to be happy about in this world.
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, I know that you listen to this show.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: Maybe you don't realize it. There's a lot to be
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: happy about. There's a lot to look at and just say,
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: you know what? We've got a lot of stunning technological
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: advancements that have enabled us to live these lives that
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: would have been unthinkable even a decade ago, which in
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: the whole conception of history is really nothing. So you're lucky.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: You're lucky. You're able to do things that other people
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: would never have dreamed. The internet has enabled you to
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: collaborate with other people, to compete with other people, to
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: join an online community, to market yourself, to distribute your products,
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: to fully really Put your mark on the world. You know,
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: many of you are not doing that. Many of you
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: are not doing that. You're spending time on social media.
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: You're fighting. You're upset. You're angry. You're not taking the
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: time to put yourself out there. You got to put
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: yourself out there. The world needs you. Do you understand that?
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: Are you listening to me out there? They need you.
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: But how are they going to fucking find you? How
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: are they going to find you? They need to find you.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: And you need to have a website so that they
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: can find you. Because they're going to love you. They're
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: going to love you. They just don't know it yet.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: You're what they've been looking for. Many of them are puzzled.
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: They walk the earth. They're in fear. They need someone
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: to show them the way. Many of them are, you know,
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: suffering from many things. Mental illness, depression, drug addiction, anxiety.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: They've been horribly abused. They are broke. Systemic oppression. And
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: they need to find a light in this darkness. Are
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: you going to be that light? Are you going to
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: be the person who helps them get out of that
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: dark hole that they live in, that dark, deep well
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: that they've spent most of their life in, screaming for
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: anyone to come find them and no one finds them.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Maybe every now and then somebody throws change at them,
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: makes a wish. But in the real world, there are
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: no rescue missions. The whole town doesn't come out with
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: that rope and made of all those different handkerchiefs they
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: tie together to pull you up. That doesn't happen. The
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: only hope that many of these people have when they're
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: in the dark recesses of their own mind, the only
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: hope that they have is going to your website and
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: being impressed by it and saying, look at this site. Man,
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: this guy's got text. He's got video. He's got all
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: his links to his social media. This guy's... It's very
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: helpful when you see somebody else who's got it together.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: You know? And I think that if one of these
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: people have seen your website, they may not go and
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: shoot up their school. They may not go shoot up.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: They may not go... and, you know, commit acts of depravity.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: They may be impressed that you've taken the time to
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: use Wix that has over 200 stunning templates. They may
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: be impressed that you've designed your own website with a
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: very innovative drag and drop design technology or that you've
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: just answered a few questions and let Wix ADI do
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: it for you. They will know that. They'll appreciate that.
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: They'll see that someone out there in the world is
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: making an effort. That's what it's all about. You're inspiring
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: them without even knowing it. You've become a leader. Okay?
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: Just by having a website. It doesn't matter what it's about.
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: Maybe you're a clown that goes to kids' parties and
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: you want to advertise that. You show up and you
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: dress like a clown and you make everybody happy. And
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: there's a few testimonials from other families. And you go,
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: you know, John came in and really brightened the day.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: He really came in and he brightened our day. And
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: our child, who's dead now, but back then he was,
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: you know, we have a restraining order against him now.
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: He can't come He can't come near to the house
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: because he's eight years old and leading a local militia.
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: But back then, he was very happy with the clown
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: that came, and we're very happy to give John our
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: full endorsement. And people see this on your website, and
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: they go, you know what? Maybe we should hire John
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: as a clown. I mean, that's what it comes down to, folks.
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know how many times I have to tell
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: you this, but if you don't have a website, you're
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: a piece of shit.
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: If you don't have a fucking website, I don't care
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: if you die. I don't think you should have health insurance.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: Not without a website. Not without a website. That's what
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: they should check at the fucking, you know, I'm delirious.
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: I haven't eaten. I keep doing this. But what's the
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: thing at the hospital, the front desk? I stay in
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: so many hotels. I think everything's a hotel. A hospital
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: front desk. Whatever it is. You know what I'm saying.
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: They should ask for your website, not your insurance card.
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: You have a website. They should look at it quickly.
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: And if it looks nice and you go, oh, this
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: person gives a shit. We'll fix them. We'll fix them.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: You know? But if you don't have a website, they
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: should open those doors and kick you out and let
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: you fucking lay in a parking lot and expire.
• 55:56
  Speaker 6: Okay?
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: Because it's not just a matter of having a website
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: for you. It's really for the others. It's for other people.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: that need to be inspired. That's why I do this
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: show every week is people are inspired. They're inspired by it.
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: And many people listen to this show and they go
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: and create families and they create businesses and they create
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: art and they create... Even if it's just making a sandwich,
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: I'm impressed that they've done it. They come in, they
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: make maybe a turkey, like cracked pepper turkey on wheat.
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: The reason I'm doing that is because I just... Heard
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: this very inspiring podcast. This guy told me to get
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: a website. Get a fucking website. Get a website. You know?
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: I don't care. I don't care if you don't want to.
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you right now. I hope... You know where
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: they don't have websites? North fucking Korea. Is that where
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: you want to live? You want to live in a
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: totalitarian state where you cannot have a website? That's probably
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: coming here soon. But why don't you have one until
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: they take them away? Okay? Stop being on everybody else's
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: platform like a cuck. I'm on Twitter. I'm on Instagram. Yeah,
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: you and everybody else. Get your own URL. You can
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: do what you want. You can say what you want.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: You won't get banned. You know? Within reason. So, you know,
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: create a website. I'm not telling you what it has
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: to be. Okay? It could be a nice little journal.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: It could be the Daily Stormer. I'm not saying that.
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: I'm not telling you to do that. But Whatever you
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: do with it, you do with it. I'm just saying
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: that it's your website. It's not Facebook. It's not Mark
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: Zuckerberg's website. That ginger demon. It's your website. You can
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: do whatever you want. Maybe upload a video of... Remember
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: that guy who got killed because the horse fucked him
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: to death? Mr. Hands or something like that? I forget.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: This is not a bestiality, a pro-bestiality stance I'm taking.
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: But you could probably embed that video in your website
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: if you wanted. I mean, that would be a choice.
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I'd recommend that if it's a
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: business website. It is attention-getting. You might just want to
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: upload that video and then under it go, I cut hair.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: I also cut hair. I'll come to your house. Wix.com.
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: What is it? Go to Tim Dillon's going to hell.com. No,
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: it is. Tim Dillon, D-I-L-L-O-N-S going to hell.com. Go there, folks.
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: That's a site we built using Wix. Okay. Go to
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: the bottom. 10% off any Wix premium plan. You get
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: 10% off. You hear that? So what's your problem? 10% off, folks.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: What do you think you're going to get out? 40% off? Hey,
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: fuck you. People got to eat. People got families to feed,
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: you greedy pig. 10% is a nice amount of change.
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know you. Wix doesn't know you. We're giving
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: you a little benefit. So this ad's been all over
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: the place because I've just recorded a podcast and my
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: CBD ad was very good. But now I'm coming apart
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: and I need to eat. I haven't eaten since 2.
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: My blood sugar is crashing. I've eaten enough probably. I'll
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: survive if I don't eat. Go get the website. Stop
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: fucking around. Stop wasting everyone's time. Get in the game
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: of life or get the fuck out. I'm not telling
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: you to take yourself out. I'm saying get in the
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: game of life. Life is a fucking war. And are
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: you going to go to war with a website? Are
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: you going to go to war? Not even a website.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: It's like walking into, I don't know, fill in the joke.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: Who gives a shit, really? You buy this fucking thing, please,
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: so they won't fire me. Enough. Get the goddamn website.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: You're going to fail anyway. You might as well try.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: No one's going to your shit. No one's going to care.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 6: You know?
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: Think anyone's going to give a fuck about what you're
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: doing out there? You dumb fucking... What are your sculptures
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: you're making in New Mexico? People are going to fucking... What?
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: They're going to start buying them? Because you got a URL?
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: You're toast. It's over. Curtains. Doors shut. The gates closed.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: Everybody's going to the party but you.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: Trains left the station. But that being said... Try. Gotta try. Goodbye.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: I watched 8th Grade, the Bo Burnham movie on the plane.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: It was very good. Reminds me of when I was
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: not popular. I was bullied. And I was not bullied
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: in the era of social media. That's gotta be very tough.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: But I will tell you this. In a few weeks,
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: we are doing an episode for children. We're doing an episode.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: I have a plan for children to become popular. because
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: that is the most important thing in life. It is
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: a lie that it is not. And it is also
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: a lie that the nerds all get revenge on the
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: popular kids. That is not true. The popular kids, you
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: know those kids that bullied you? It's like, you know
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: where they are now? They're doing great. They're doing great. Okay?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: One nerd succeeds, and in popular culture, because it's written
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: by nerds, they all act. But one of the things
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: when you grow up, you realize that the losers are
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: losers for a reason. And my business, I realize, I
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: look at people and my business and I go, oh,
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: in high school you walked around and you had no confidence.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: And you shouldn't have any now. You should have no
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: confidence now. Okay? So that's coming up. Because I was
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: very unpopular and then in 12th grade I was nominated
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: for Homecoming King. I did not win because one of
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: the kids' mothers died. The other kid's father died 9-11.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: They gave it to the kid whose mother died. Whatever.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: I'm not, I'm not, am I claiming Russia? Am I
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: saying Russia hacked it?
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: No. I'm saying that I rose through the ranks of
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: high school. And I'm gonna teach you how to do it.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: It's very important. And we're gonna go over different ways
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: to do it. We're gonna go over different personalities that
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: you can have. We did this on a video. There's
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: different personalities you can have depending what you bring to
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: the table, okay? And we're gonna talk about how to be,
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: how to infiltrate the cool kid parties and not be
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: a loser. Now a lot of you are losers and
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 2: I'm not telling you to go back to school because
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: that window's closed for many of you. Like Disney fucking world.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: It's over. It's over. Figure it out. You don't get
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: to go back to Disney world at 40 because mom
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: and dad didn't fucking take you. Suck it up. Some
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: foster kids got locked in a closet and burnt with cigarettes.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: You're complaining you never went to fucking Disney world? Grow
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: the fuck up. Be an adult. Jesus Christ. What we're
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: going to do, we're going to do a, we are
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: going to do, and I want to hear some stories
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: from people that became popular. I want you to DM,
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: and don't make them up because I'll know. Don't make
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: them up. I sniff you out, you liars. But I
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: want to talk to people that were losers and decided
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: at a certain point to not be losers because you
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: don't have to be losers. And I don't know how
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: many kids listen to this in their teens. Probably none.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: And that's probably good for society that they don't. I'm
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: not saying that this is an adult program. This is
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: not a show. We're not really reaching out to the
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: tween market here. We're not doing that. But if this
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: is the one episode that we'll do, and I'm not
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: going to curse, and I'm not going to talk about
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: Jeffrey Epstein, although these fucking kids know already. It's going
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: to be a family-friendly episode. I'm dead serious about this.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: I was talking to the flight attendant about this on American.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: I was telling her I was going to do this.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: She finally told me to sit down. She had to
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: prepare a service. She goes, I got to get the
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: card out. And I said, well, listen, I had a
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: great flight attendant today on American. Real, real, real dark lady.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I paid $ 40 for a more space seat.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: She goes, well, we don't have any. So I'm in
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: the last seat of the plane with her. So she goes,
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: you might get a refund. She goes, I'll send you
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: some free miles. I go, ugh. She goes, you think
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: you're having a bad day? She goes, I wasn't even
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: supposed to be on this flight. She goes, the flight
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: attendant who was her husband killed herself. They've been married
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: two years and he killed himself in his ex-wife's garage.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay, do we have the cheese plate?
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: What are the snacks? I said to her, we started talking.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: She goes, the other day we took off, we hit
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: wind shear when we took off. She goes, you hit
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: wind shear, the whole plane goes to the side. She goes,
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 2: there was a scream. But she used these words. She goes,
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: it was a blood-curdling scream as the plane took off.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: She goes, we got about maybe 3,000 feet up and
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: it just, and she goes, the pilot got on right
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: away and was like, hey, it's wind shear, we're going
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: to be okay. And I said to her, I go,
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: you ever just fucking like, they call it ferrying the
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: plane when nobody's on. I'm like, you ever just go
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 2: up to First class when you got nobody on the
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: plane She goes, she smiled She goes, yes, just one
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 2: time We all got to sit in first class One
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: time we had four people on this plane And we
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: all got to go right into the front And sit
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: in first class I was like, when was that? She goes,
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: four days after 9-11 With a big smile on her
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: face The thing about flight attendants is They've made peace
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: with death Because it's a very unnatural job To just
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: work 30,000 feet In the sky. All of those flight attendants,
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: they've seen death. They all do drugs. They have these stopovers.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: They all get hammered. And all the pilots do drugs.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: It's a horrible job. We don't pay those people. It's
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: a living hell. They live in an absolute hell. And
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: they have to get on every day and go, Hi! Welcome!
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: Is everyone happy we're going to Phoenix? Is everyone excited
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 2: we're going to Phoenix? Southwest can dress it up all
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 2: they want. And they can have the people come out
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 2: and try to do stand-up. And the pilots try to
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: be funny. And the flight attendants try to be funny.
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: But I know what it really is. I know it's
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: a bunch of people who've made peace with death. That's
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: who works on planes. But I will be doing this episode.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: And I'm excited about it. Because it's something that I
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 2: feel like people are not telling children. They're not telling
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: children how to be cool. They're telling them how to
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: go to college or whatever. Who cares? Like, yeah, go
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: to college. Maybe. But be cool. Be somebody that other
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: people like and respect. And you don't have to abuse people.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: You should never bully people. That's actually not the long-term
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: way to be cool. That's a very short-term way to
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: be cool is to bully someone. That's not good. It's
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: not good. You don't want to build an act around
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: a kid. That kid could kill themselves. They could shoot
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: up the school. Then you got to write all new shit.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: So what you want to do is aim high, punch
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: up teachers, administrators, society at large. Or maybe you're just hot.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: If you're hot, you got to learn how to be
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 2: hot and you got to be the right kind of hot.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 2: You know, some guys like can't be, there's always like
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 2: a hot guy, like some hot guys don't know, like
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: some hot people don't know they're hot and that's a
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: whole thing. Whatever, we're going to go into this, but
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: I'm really excited about that. Um, thanks to everyone who
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 2: came out to hilarities in Cleveland. We had fun. However, uh,
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: it was the first time I had like six people
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 2: kicked out and I never have anyone kicked out, but
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: I do a joke about Trump and it's not a
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 2: pro Trump joke. It's just really a joke about people
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 2: being insane on social media. And as soon as I
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: mentioned Trump, um, all these people were like, started booing audibly.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: In the crowd. They were like, boo! And I flipped out.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: I should have taped it. And I was like, what
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: the fuck are you booing at? I'm like, it's a joke.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: I'm like, don't you realize that he's going to win
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: again because you people are such annoying cunts? What do
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 2: you think you're doing? What do you think you're accomplishing
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: right now by booing a joke? And you're yelling Trump
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: is a cunt? I've never been a Trump guy. There's
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: nothing pro-Trump But now of course Now that I said
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 2: all that It activated some of the pro-Trump people in
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: the audience You know So I just start losing it
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: And I'm like QAnon's coming A few people in the
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: audience were like Q People are crazy I'm like whipping
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: it into a frenzy You know It's turning into just
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 2: a regular day in Portland, another street fight. Listen, just
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: shut up. Go to a comedy show. You don't like something.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: Just shut your mouth. You're not doing anything. That's what
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 2: people need to be told. You're not doing anything by
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: your opinion. I don't know what has to happen in
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 2: this country or this world for people to realize that
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: the sole act of having an opinion, it, is irrelevant.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. First of all, your opinion, for most
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: of you, isn't based on anything. You're regurgitating something you
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 2: heard or you're trying to get attention. You don't have
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: an educated opinion. You didn't do the work trying to
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: figure anything out. That's why I don't have opinions on
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: a lot of things. Because I don't know. Yes, I
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: don't think Israel... should build the settlements and like bulldoze
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: the Palestinians out of their houses. Right? But I also
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: think Israel has like a right to exist. But I don't,
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: I haven't like done the issue. I haven't like studied.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 2: And then these idiots, like we did the whole thing
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 2: about takeout food. I was ranting about that. A few
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 2: people were like, oh, we're going to do comedy about
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: nothing now? About takeout food? No, I'm writing a new
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: hour on the Mideast peace process, you fucking moron. Do
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 2: you know what comedy even is? Do you know what
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: it is? I'm a clown. Why don't you do something?
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 2: I demand my comedy be intellectual. And I demand that
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: it conform to everything that I already believe. And I
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 2: don't want it to be about people taking food to go.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: I want it to be about health care. I want
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: you to make Medicare for All funny. And if you don't,
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 2: I'm out. Yeah, we should have healthcare. I've said it
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: 70 million times. I hope and pray to God that
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: somebody has done more work and research into the topic
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 2: than I have. I have a job. I have to
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: do the job that I have. There's other people doing
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: their jobs. Okay? You fucking moron. This is what happens now.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: Comedy is just going to be about nothing. I want
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 2: it to be about Bernie Sanders. I want it to
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: be funny. And I want it to be about HMOs. What? What?
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: Are you crazy? It's insipid. Like, I just, I get
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: a little frustrated with some people out there. I'm very
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: grateful for, There's a lot of great fans of this show.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: And you don't have to like or agree with what
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: we do. We don't care. Whatever you comment is lovely.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: That's fine. As long as you're consuming the product, you
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 2: don't care what you say afterwards. I used to do
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 2: cocaine with a girl who would always complain about the
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 2: quality of the cocaine to the cocaine dealer. And his
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 2: attitude was, well, you're buying it. As long as you're
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 2: buying it, you have the right to say, you know,
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 2: she'd be like, you know, this isn't like the last time.
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 2: Remember that time you got it and it was better? Divorce.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: It's very fucked up. It's fucking the kids up out there.
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 2: How long have we done? We got more. Right in
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 2: an hour. Right in an hour. But I mean, that's
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 2: my thing. Bill Maher said something about people watch a
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: comic book movies, everybody flipped out. I said something about
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 2: adults not celebrating Halloween. I said, hey, If you've got
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: to wear an edgy Halloween costume, if that's your only
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: way to be, why don't you give the holiday back
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: to children? Because that's who it was for. And it
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: was not really directed at everybody who was dressing up.
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 2: It was kind of directed at the people that are
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: going to get fired because they went to a party
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 2: dressed as the Twin Towers. I'm like, well, I can
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: do that. If you're a kindergarten teacher, maybe hold off
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 2: on that. It is what it is. You know, if
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: you want to go as a Korean person, I'm not
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 2: for the cultural appropriation. I really don't care what you
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: dress up as. But maybe in this climate, it's not
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 2: smart to go as a Guatemalan. I don't know what
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 2: some of these people do. So I just tweeted like
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: I was like, hey, give Halloween back to children. Don't
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: dress up. Buy a house, get a job, whatever. People
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: went nuts. It was the most controversial thing I've ever said.
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: telling people to not, telling adults to not wear a costume.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 2: Think of everything I've said. The country's run by demons.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 2: They're sucking the energy out of children. The country's run
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: by crime families that murder, that sell drugs, that traffic
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 2: in human beings. And what really upset people is I said,
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: why don't you not dress up in a costume? That's
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: what really got people. It's like this Disney world article
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 2: flip people the fuck out because somebody suggested that maybe
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 2: they give it up. Give the, give this child. Like what?
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 2: Like that's a problem with Disney worlds. Like all the
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 2: people there, like approach the world with childlike wonder. Oh,
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 2: it's childlike. Well, I feel like a kid again. I
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: just feel like a kid. Don't don't feel like a child.
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 2: There's a time to be a chop. And here's another one.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: And this is going to really get people. And we'll
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 2: do this one. We're going to do this one, by
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 2: the way, and then we're going to get out of here. Folks,
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: you're not going to like it. Are you ready? Man,
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 2: you are not going to like this one. This one's
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 2: going to be one that people get really angry about.
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: Are you ready? Prepare. Take a seat. I imagine many
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 2: of you are. I imagine many people aren't listening to
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: this on the elliptical. I could be wrong. The time
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 2: to smoke marijuana is in your late teens and early
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 2: to mid-20s. After that, it should be very rare It
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 2: should not be all the time for most people. And
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 2: don't get me like, well, Rogan and do that. That
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 2: guy has a constitution you will never have.
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: You want to, yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy's got three jobs.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: He's running up and down hills. He can do whatever
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: the fuck he wants. Don't use an example of like
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: the four people that are succeeding in life. He's one
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: of five people that are doing well. Don't use that example.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 2: Get real fucking losers. Come at me with a K.
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: the weed every day, folks. Not a good look. Not
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 2: a good look. Not the move. Not the move. Is
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 2: there anything more fun than being 17 or 18 or
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: 19 and getting high, going to Taco Bell, laughing your
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 2: ass off, okay? Here's where that's less fun. Your late 30s.
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 2: It is not as fun. Now, many of you are
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: angry at me, but you know I'm right. I'm not
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 2: a perfect person. I get it. I go to Taco
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: Bell sober. That's unforgivable. That is... I mean, I go sober.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 2: 35-year-old sober person will eat Taco Bell. That is, in
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 2: and of itself, a crime. It should be against the law.
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 5: But.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: Cut it out. With DeVay... the weed. Everybody's high all
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 2: the time. Folks, things are coming. You're not going to
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 2: want to be high for them. You're going to want
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 2: to be sober when it comes. You know what's coming. Okay? Everybody,
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 2: let's talk a little bit about physical conditioning. I know
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: that we may not do that as much as other
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 2: podcasts do, but it's very important. We really don't go
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 2: into wellness and mind-body-spirit connection as much as we should,
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: but that's really important. And I think people that have happy,
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: successful lives all seem to have some kind of deeply
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: rooted understanding of how their body works and when it's...
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 2: when it's at maximum levels of efficiency and, you know,
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: what fuel the body needs. And these are all very
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 2: important things. And I think we don't do enough about that.
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 2: And that's my fault. That's really on me. You know,
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 2: I'm the captain of the ship and a lot of
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 2: times we, uh, we get lost, but there's a lot
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 2: out there. And I want to start when we talk
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 2: about the body, I want to start with the balls.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 2: because there's a lot going on and there's a lot
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 2: that needs to be addressed. A lot of people need
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 2: to clean up their area down there. I bought a
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 2: house in 2007 with a subprime mortgage during a cocaine binge.
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 2: That house has been foreclosed on. I have lost it.
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: The legal proceedings have been completed. It was taken, you know,
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 2: it was a collateral and, you know, the house was,
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 2: you know, repossessed and I no longer own it clearly.
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 2: And my credit has been decimated because of that. And
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: I guess the debt was written off. I don't really,
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: it's neither here nor there. The point is that that
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 2: house had about an acre of property and that acre
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 2: of Big raccoon lived in a tree in the backyard
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 2: and used to walk around the backyard. But if you
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 2: looked at the lawn, you would know what was going
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 2: on in that house, which was a lot of pain.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 2: You would see the lawn and you would say, this
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 2: gives me a very good indication of what's happening in
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 2: that house, which was nothing good. Bills piling up by
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 2: the door that nobody was opening and nobody was paying.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 2: just a tiny bit of fuel, just enough fuel to
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 2: keep that house going, no more. People could see that.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: They could sense it. They could see the fear and
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 2: the desperation just by looking at the wild, overgrown, unmanaged lawn.
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 2: So when we talk about.
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 6: Your dick, your private area, your balls, your taint, your grundle,
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 6: You need to keep these things where people look at
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 6: them and they go, oh, that's a respectable.
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 2: Individual that takes care of himself, takes care of others.
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 2: This is somebody I want to build a relationship with,
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 2: maybe a life with. Maybe this is somebody I want
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 2: to have children with because they have taken care of themselves.
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 2: Manscaped has redesigned the electric trimmer. Their invention is the
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 2: Lawn Mower 2.0. Skin safe technology. I used to before,
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 2: you know, I would hook up with somebody that I
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 2: met on Grindr or whatever back in the day on Craigslist.
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 2: I would have to try to manscape myself with, you know, something.
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 2: And every now and then you would nick yourself. And
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 2: now it's embarrassing. And sometimes you'd have to just not
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 2: go and meet up with that person because you're bloody.
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 2: And that's not the move. You never want to show
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 2: up with a bloody deck. So what you try to
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 2: do is, you know, you basically have to be very,
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 2: very careful. Um, and that's why this new manscape lawnmower 2.0
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 2: is great because it has skin safe technology. Okay. It
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 2: is small, easy to hold and designed to get into
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 2: all your nooks and crannies without snagging your sack. You
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 2: do not want to puncture your scrotum. Okay. No more
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 2: using the same trimmer on your face that you use
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 2: on your fucking junk. Use the right tools for the job.
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 2: Manscaped is designed with your junk in mind. You know
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 2: how it gets down there in the summer. Sweaty, stinky.
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 2: A lot of people like that, you know? A lot
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 2: of people don't want you to shower. They want to
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 2: get the whole you, you know? They want to get
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: smacked in the face with a little bit of salt,
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 2: a little bit of salted caramel. Some people don't. Some
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 2: people want you to deodorize every part of your body,
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 2: but it's like, what the fuck is the point? Are
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 2: you trying to fuck a chemical? Trying to fuck a person.
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 2: This is neither here nor there. Again, but I'm just
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 2: editorializing on a concept. But just in time for summer,
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 2: they've got the Crop Preserver, an anti-chafing ball deodorant and moisturizer.
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 2: If you're one of these people that is ashamed of
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 2: your own scent, Or maybe your partner doesn't want... You
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 2: got to ease somebody in to really smack at them
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 2: with a sweaty ball. So you should start with a
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 2: moisturizer and a deodorizer. After you've been in a relationship
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 2: for a little while, then you can take the hog
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 2: out in any condition and just smack them around with it.
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 2: But in the beginning, you got to get them in
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 2: with a low interest rate, let's say. So it smells
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 2: nice and it's nice and... One of the things here
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 2: in this ad, they say you put deodorant on your pits.
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 2: Why are you not putting deodorant on the smelliest part
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 2: of your body? Well, I don't know. I mean, I
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 2: think it's a little different, but some people like gross
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 2: armpits too. I mean, what, you know, listen, buy this
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 2: product because it should, you know, most people don't, most
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 2: people don't want sweaty, smelly balls, but there are people
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 2: that do. They want that. Okay. But what's nice is
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 2: giving someone that choice. But nobody wants too much bush.
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 2: This is the fact. Nobody wants too much bush. Nobody wants...
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 2: There's that fat cat I have on Instagram, Oscar. And
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 2: his fur grows so much that he gets burrs stuck
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 2: in it. These little spiky... I don't know where they come.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 2: I think they come from a tree. But he gets
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 2: the burrs stuck. And he's got fleas and mites. He
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 2: has an entire ecosystem living on him. like the sloth.
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 2: If you've ever been the sloth in the Amazon, I
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 2: like British people say sloth. And I like that, but the,
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 2: the sloth has an entire ecosystem of bugs living on him.
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 2: He is a host for an entire community of bugs,
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 2: which I think is kind of nice. I like things
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 2: like that. I find life fascinating. I've always wanted to
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 2: go to the Amazon and, but you have to have
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 2: a lot of, you got to get a lot of
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 2: shots and I don't really have the, I don't have
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 2: the money to go to Ohio. So what I'm saying
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 2: is that the bush needs to go. Bold deodorant, moisturizer,
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: that's great. But somebody also might be like, hey, with
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 2: all due respect, let's not take a shower. Just hit
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 2: me with whatever you got. Listen, this is, you know,
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 2: some people are into this, but I'm just saying. Get
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 2: 20% off free shipping with the code TIM at manscaped.com. Literally,
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 2: they just sent me one of these things, the L'Amour.
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 2: It is amazing. You never feel better when you are
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 2: shaving your balls. You feel safe. You feel like you
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 2: can do it hammered. I don't suggest that. You feel
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 2: like you can do it drunk. You feel like you
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 2: can just kind of freestyle it down there and you're
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 2: not going to nick yourself. because they really do have
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 2: this advanced technology. It really is good. You do need
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 2: to shave your balls. The Norelco Body Groom's not that great.
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 2: That's what usually everybody else kind of uses. It's not
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 2: that great. The Body Groom, I'm telling you, I've used it.
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 2: You know, and I'm telling you, it's a big deal.
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 2: Tim is the code. 20% off Manscaped.com. That's 20% off
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 2: free shipping Manscaped.com. If you're not getting laid, And you
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 2: want to get laid, you've got to clean up your dick.
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 2: It doesn't really matter how big your dick is. It
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 2: doesn't really matter. I mean, there are people that are
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 2: going to want bigger dicks. That's a fact. There are
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 2: people that are going to be into that. Lots of them.
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 2: But the obsession about dick size is probably a waste
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 2: of time because there's nothing you can really do about
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 2: it unless that product advertises on the show and then we'll,
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 2: you know, fix that for you. But as of right now,
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 2: it seems like you're just, you get what you get. And,
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 2: but what you can do is really, you've all been
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 2: to a house that's not that great, but they've done
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 2: a lot of work. You know what I mean? Where
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 2: you walk in the house and they're really proud of it.
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 2: It's kind of sadder in a way. But they're really
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 2: proud of it. And the yard's very nice. You ever
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 2: been to a small yard that's immaculate? And you go, oh,
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 2: this is nice. Because they take pride in where they live.
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 2: That's the way you should feel about your cock and balls.
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 2: It can be big. Maybe it's a big, beautiful, you know, big,
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 2: maybe you got a big, huge, you know, ribeye steak
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 2: down there. Maybe you have a petite, Filet mignon. You know?
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 2: An eight ounce filet that a divorced school teacher would
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 2: order with a Kendall Jackson Chardonnay. It's not my business.
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 2: Or maybe you have a big porterhouse for three at
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 2: Peter Luger's. You just want to swing it. I've seen
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 2: certain penises where I go, that person's life should be amazing.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 2: Like there's no excuse for that person. But then some
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 2: of them don't have good lives because they just have
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 2: this big dick and they play with it and then
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 2: they fuck whatever they want and they don't get any
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 2: other skills. Because their dick is so huge that it's amazing.
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying, this is what happens. Now, so what
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 2: I'm saying is this. If you have a dick that
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 2: you don't love, do manscaped. Get yourself in the right...
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 2: Deodorize your balls, okay? Women don't want smelly balls. If
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 2: men don't really care, probably. Men will fuck you with whatever. Women...
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 2: for the most part, unless you get a real freak,
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 2: a real, you know, like from dusk till dawn vampire type.
• 1:28:35
  Speaker 2: And that's what, you know, kind of what you want
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 2: not to marry, but you know, for an hour, uh,
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 2: So you got to deodorize your balls Moisturize them Because
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 2: people want A soft nice ball You know I mean
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 2: this is This is what I meant When I said
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 2: we wanted to do more About health and wellness This
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 2: is really the direction We wanted to go into I
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 2: didn't know if you thought We were going to start
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 2: talking about Intermittent fasting But clean the area up, you know,
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 2: it's very interesting. Um, you know, this is, this is
• 1:29:08
  Speaker 2: all I can tell you folks. Tim is the code
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 2: 20% off manscaped.com and send in photos to the show
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 2: before and after photos before you've trimmed yourself. And after
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 2: you've trimmed yourself, send in photos to the show. Um,
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 2: I will be the judge. We'll see. We'll see how
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 2: you've done. We will not comment on the size of
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 2: your penis. We will simply address everything else that's going on.
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 2: And we'll be like, look at this. Nicked himself. The
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 2: balls look moisturized. You got to moisturize your balls, folks.
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 2: Got to deodorize and moisturize those balls. Do it. Really
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 2: get this. You need this. Here's the thing. You need it.
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 2: And the other thing on the market, the Norelco thing,
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 2: isn't good, and then there's really nothing else. I'm telling you,
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 2: there's not a lot out there, especially if you're a
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 2: bigger person, you're a fat person, you need to do this.
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 2: It's not a negotiation. I'm just saying, there's nobody wants
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 2: a fucking crop of disgusting hair. You want a nice, like, fit,
• 1:30:24
  Speaker 2: trim area Or, you know, or you'd be an incel.
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know what to tell you. I mean, those
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 2: guys seem to enjoy it. I mean, there's, you know,
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 2: certainly some of them in the audience, huh? If I
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 2: compliment Whitney Cummings or something, these people lose their minds.
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 2: You know? Take it as a direct attack to them
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 2: that I have recognized another woman as a human being
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 2: on Earth. They can't handle it. They start flipping out.
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 2: Got to attack her. Who are you? What is this?
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 2: These rules, they hate gay people, but they only want
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 2: to spend time and talk to men. It's very interesting.
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 2: It's a very interesting breed. Dudes that want to just
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 2: spend time with other dudes and suck each other off.
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 2: You might as well. What are you doing? You're wasting time.
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 2: You're playing video games all day. You might as well
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 2: fucking get off. Otherwise, you're going to have to learn
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 2: to speak to a member of the opposite sex. And
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 2: that means deodorizing your balls, shaving them. You know, get
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 2: in the game, boys. Girls, this isn't for girls, is it?
• 1:31:23
  Speaker 2: Who cares? If you're a girl that's a boy, do this.
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 2: What do I don't care? Don't start with me now.
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 2: Do you need a dick to be a boy? Maybe not.
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 2: Shave your clit with this. That's not what it's for.
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 2: But I can't tell you how to live. Do what
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 2: you want. You know? Whatever. Maybe you have a penis
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 2: that was made out of a clit. Maybe you have
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 2: a vagina that was made out of a penis. I
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 2: don't know. It's 2019. And everybody is having fun. So... Manscaped.com.
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 2: Promo code Tim. Thank you. Some kid just texted me.
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 2: Some guy that I thought I was going to, I
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 2: don't know if we were going to hook up or whatever.
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 2: He's going to come out to LA and stay with me.
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 2: We've been talking. He clearly doesn't want to. That's okay.
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 2: He used the old, I'm going to spend time with
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 2: my brother, which I, that's my favorite. That's my favorite.
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 2: I'm going to spend time with my family. You know,
• 1:32:21
  Speaker 2: it's like if I was Zac Efron, would you still be,
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 2: would you still be spending time with him? You know,
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 2: He goes, well, I'm just kind of going to hang
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 2: out with my brother. And I'm like, okay, that's fair.
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 2: I get it. I listen. I get it. But I
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 2: just love like, you know, and then he asked me,
• 1:32:35
  Speaker 2: he's like, are you close with your family? It's like, listen, listen,
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 2: you know, I get, I get it. You can let,
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 2: you can let me down. You can let me down.
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 2: I think he thought like I was going to be like,
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 2: like I was going to be like showing him around LA.
• 1:32:49
  Speaker 2: You don't have to come. If you don't like it,
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 2: you don't like it. Whatever you come out, you don't
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 2: like it. Fine. It's not a big deal. Oh, fuck
• 1:32:54
  Speaker 2: everyone else. I don't care. I'll still buy you lunch.
• 1:32:56
  Speaker 2: I'll still be the loser. I'll still take you out
• 1:32:59
  Speaker 2: for avocado toast. We'll throw lobster on it. And you
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 2: can go fuck some other dude. I don't care. I'll
• 1:33:04
  Speaker 2: still be the mark. That's fine. I don't have a
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 2: problem with that. I put myself in that position, but
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 2: I just think it's funny. He was like, yeah, I'm
• 1:33:11
  Speaker 2: just going to spend time. It's like Larry Silverstein. They
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 2: asked him why he wasn't. He had a meeting at
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 2: the World Trade Center. He didn't go. He goes, yeah,
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 2: you know, my wife said I should go to this
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 2: doctor's appointment. You know, and I figured, is that it, Larry?
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 2: That's how you made all these billions, listening to the
• 1:33:28
  Speaker 2: little woman? I'm not saying you shouldn't have, but I'm
• 1:33:31
  Speaker 2: just saying a guy like him doesn't really seem like,
• 1:33:33
  Speaker 2: it's an interesting day. It's like my wife was just
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 2: nagging me, and I finally decided, you know, She made
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 2: a good point. I'll go to the doctor this day.
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying anything, folks. I'm just saying it's fun.
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 2: Isn't it fun? It's just fun. That's all. Not a
• 1:33:52
  Speaker 2: big deal. Nothing's a big deal. I'm a famous celebrity
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 2: and things are great. I live in a mansion and
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 2: I'm very happy. I do a lot for the world.
• 1:34:07
  Speaker 2: And the world does a lot for me. I hustle.
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 2: I grind. I'm positive. I'm positivity. All day, all night, positive.
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 2: I don't make any excuses. I don't like them. As
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 2: the great Gary Vaynerchuk says, kindness is delicious. Kindness is delicious.
• 1:34:29
  Speaker 2: That was a tweet from Gary Vaynerchuk, who is my
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 2: spirit animal, is my God. When I feel low, I
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 2: go to get like all great entrepreneurs. They need that.
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 2: How could you create a business without those words of wisdom?
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 2: Cause you forget how delicious kindness is. And that's by
• 1:34:49
  Speaker 2: the way, how people build businesses being kind. That's how
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 2: they do it. That's how they do it. That's how
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 2: empires are built by being a kind person. That's like
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 2: the story in the Bible. Jesus, you remember he had
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 2: all the casinos and Jesus owned all the casinos because
• 1:35:08
  Speaker 2: he was kind. And people love that. The Romans love that. TimDillonComedy.com
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 2: for all your comedy needs. Please go to the Southern Run, folks.
• 1:35:22
  Speaker 2: Don't fuck around with me here. I'm doing one-nighters. I'm
• 1:35:27
  Speaker 2: coming to, first of all, American Comedy Co., the first
• 1:35:30
  Speaker 2: through the third. This might come out. You might have
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 2: missed that. Don't go the next week when I'm not
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 2: there like Disney World and try to recapture it. It's over.
• 1:35:40
  Speaker 2: But August 4th through the 8th, I'm going to be
• 1:35:43
  Speaker 2: down doing Nashville, Charlotte, North Carolina, Huntsville, Alabama, Hoover, Alabama.
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte.
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be at Zanny's in Nashville. I'm going
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 2: to be at Stand Up Live in Huntsville, Alabama. I'm
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 2: going to be at the Stardome in Hoover, Alabama doing comedy.
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 2: Really funny guy Todd Riley is going to be there
• 1:36:02
  Speaker 2: with me. And we're going to have some fun. Please,
• 1:36:07
  Speaker 2: if you're in those areas, grab tickets to those shows.
• 1:36:09
  Speaker 2: I'm also going to be in North Carolina at Good
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 2: Nights Comedy Club in Raleigh, the 22nd to the 24th.
• 1:36:17
  Speaker 2: Come out to that. And then we've got more dates
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 2: coming up. The Patreon is coming. Many of you have asked.
• 1:36:24
  Speaker 2: It is coming. Here's some of the things that will
• 1:36:26
  Speaker 2: be on the Patreon. We will have all of the
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 2: archives available. from Gas Digital, two and a half years.
• 1:36:33
  Speaker 2: All of the great interviews I did with all those
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 2: great writers. If you're into the conspiracy stuff, Russ Baker,
• 1:36:38
  Speaker 2: Nick Bryant, you know, the director of Who Took Johnny,
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 2: Mark Eliotti, who wrote a great book about the Russian mob.
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 2: We have comedians like Dan Soder, Bobby Kelly, Bonnie McFarlane.
• 1:36:48
  Speaker 2: We have a lot of really cool episodes. We have
• 1:36:51
  Speaker 2: just great episodes with me and Ray. We talk about
• 1:36:53
  Speaker 2: all kinds of stuff. And what's fun about that is
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 2: you can kind of chart you could see the rise
• 1:36:59
  Speaker 2: of Trump through the show and you could see how
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 2: things are kind of coming apart. And it's a very
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 2: interesting show because of what we, who we have on
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 2: and are the way that we are positioned, like not
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 2: in the mainstream, we're positioned on the fringe and watching
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 2: the fringe, the shit that we always talked about bleed
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 2: into the mainstream and watching all of a sudden, everybody
• 1:37:20
  Speaker 2: start talking about things that we've been talking about. Everybody,
• 1:37:23
  Speaker 2: you know, you know, whether it was like deep state dynamics,
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 2: whether it was intelligence agencies, whether it was human trafficking.
• 1:37:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's really wild to watch that happen. It's
• 1:37:33
  Speaker 2: a great archive for a road trip or whatever. And
• 1:37:35
  Speaker 2: it's going to be available for like $ 5 a month.
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 2: You'll get an extra episode every week, plus the archive,
• 1:37:41
  Speaker 2: whole archive for five bucks a month. It's a pretty
• 1:37:43
  Speaker 2: fucking good deal. And if you can't afford that, no problem.
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 2: Just keep telling your friends to watch the show, listen
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 2: to the show. We appreciate it. You know, I will
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 2: end on this too. The hatred of certain comics is
• 1:38:04
  Speaker 2: odd to me You people hate certain people Like, you
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 2: hate Schumer Here's the deal You don't have to agree
• 1:38:11
  Speaker 2: with Amy politically I was in an argument with somebody
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 2: the other day Amy's unquestionably talented She's insanely funny She's
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 2: a beast of a comic You don't have to like
• 1:38:21
  Speaker 2: her It is what it is And I really don't
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 2: think she's stealing jokes And I had this argument with
• 1:38:27
  Speaker 2: somebody The joke's in question. and everyone's going to be like,
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 2: what is she giving you a job? I've never met her.
• 1:38:34
  Speaker 2: We met once in the Hyatt lobby. She looked at me.
• 1:38:37
  Speaker 2: I was like, hello. I was like, hey, there is no,
• 1:38:40
  Speaker 2: I'm not going on tour with you. None of that.
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying people throw shit out there. And there's
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 2: a lot of people that listen to the show disagree
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 2: with me. You know, you make people in like the boogeyman,
• 1:38:51
  Speaker 2: like she's Satan for whatever. If you don't like it,
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 2: don't fucking watch. Who cares? I guarantee she's funnier than you.
• 1:39:00
  Speaker 2: If you hate her and you're listening, I guarantee you
• 1:39:03
  Speaker 2: she's better at being funny than you are. Okay. Guaranteed.
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 2: You might not like her. It doesn't matter. She doesn't
• 1:39:12
  Speaker 2: give a fuck. If you've noticed she's doing well. And
• 1:39:16
  Speaker 2: I get no benefit from saying this. I'm not, there's no,
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 2: she's been generous to comics, good to comics. I mean,
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 2: not to me, I'm not in her circle, but like,
• 1:39:25
  Speaker 2: and whatever, it's not only her. She's like one that
• 1:39:27
  Speaker 2: people throw a lot of hate at. But if you
• 1:39:29
  Speaker 2: don't like it, just move the fuck on. Who cares? Enough.
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 2: People message me like, this person sucks or that person sucks.
• 1:39:38
  Speaker 2: Who cares? Enough. They're better than you. All the people
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 2: that you hate, Are funnier than you All the people
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 2: that you think are hacks Or whatever They're better at
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 2: this And you's a fucking hard thing to do Okay
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 2: It's a hard thing to do You think you're funny
• 1:39:59
  Speaker 2: Well because you said the n-word in the break room
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 2: At the water treatment facility And everybody laughed Great But
• 1:40:10
  Speaker 2: you know Enough already You know Doesn't mean you have
• 1:40:15
  Speaker 2: to like people. Doesn't mean you can't shit on people.
• 1:40:18
  Speaker 2: But stop making people into gods and stop making them
• 1:40:21
  Speaker 2: into Satan. Nobody's a god. All these comedians, all these
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 2: fucking celebrities, people you build up as gods. I know
• 1:40:28
  Speaker 2: half of these people. Enough. They're people. They're doing a
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 2: job that makes you happy, good. Be an adult. This
• 1:40:35
  Speaker 2: is that Disney World shit, man. This is that childlike wonder.
• 1:40:38
  Speaker 2: This is like, I'm catching fireflies in the backyard. Grow
• 1:40:42
  Speaker 2: the fuck up. Enough. Stop making a God out of Trump.
• 1:40:47
  Speaker 2: Stop making a God out of Ocasio-Cortez. He's the game
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 2: show host, a criminal, and a liar. She's a bartender
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 2: who seems confused, but she has some of the right instincts.
• 1:41:00
  Speaker 2: She knows everything's fucked. I don't know if she knows
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 2: how to fix it. She knows everything's fucked. But this
• 1:41:06
  Speaker 2: whole thing about deifying people and then tearing them down,
• 1:41:10
  Speaker 2: it's a deeply immature thing. It means you've got nothing
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 2: going on. It means that you've got nothing going on.
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 2: Everything has to be about somebody that you love or hate.
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 2: The world is more complex than that. Some of the
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 2: people that you really like are schmucks. Doesn't mean they're
• 1:41:27
  Speaker 2: not really great at their job. And some of the
• 1:41:30
  Speaker 2: people that you might not like are lovely people that
• 1:41:33
  Speaker 2: are great people. And you'll never know. You don't know.
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 2: You'll never know people until you meet them until you,
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 2: and even after you meet them, like you don't know
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 2: a lot of people at the end of the day,
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 2: you go through your entire life. You look back, you
• 1:41:46
  Speaker 2: don't really know a lot of people. You get an
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 2: idea of people, but you don't know them that well.
• 1:41:52
  Speaker 2: So this idea that you can take a real hard stand.
• 1:42:01
  Speaker 2: I love this person. Donald Trump. It's immature. And the
• 1:42:07
  Speaker 2: people on the left do it too. The squad. The
• 1:42:11
  Speaker 2: squad is going to... Stop looking for like gods and stuff.
• 1:42:15
  Speaker 2: It's embarrassing. It's one of the reasons that we're, we're, we're,
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 2: we're living in a rapidly decaying society because everybody's looking
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 2: for some type of avatar to get behind. It's stupid.
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 2: It's childish. You know? I mean, I don't know how
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 2: else to say it. No fucking house to say it.
• 1:42:36
  Speaker 2: You know, you talk to people sometimes and they just,
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 2: They seem to not get, it's not that interesting. Everything
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 2: in Hollywood's not a pedophile cult. There are, there are.
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 2: But everything, everybody that's doing well in LA is not evil.
• 1:42:53
  Speaker 2: They're too boring to be evil. Trust me. If they
• 1:42:57
  Speaker 2: were evil, they'd be a hell of a lot more interesting.
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 2: A lot of them are just vapid and lucky. But
• 1:43:03
  Speaker 2: that world is even harder to live in. The world
• 1:43:07
  Speaker 2: where they're not demons that have been selected by, no.
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 2: They're lucky. Ding. They got it. You did it. There
• 1:43:15
  Speaker 2: you go. There's your world. It's not always a preordained,
• 1:43:22
  Speaker 2: you know, and I know a lot of people like
• 1:43:24
  Speaker 2: to think it. And now some of it is, you know,
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 2: when we talk about who's president, this is a different story. Okay.
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 2: This is a different story. When we're talking about somebody
• 1:43:32
  Speaker 2: with a cooking show or a fucking, you know, whatever
• 1:43:35
  Speaker 2: people are doing out here, a sitcom show, fucking somebody's
• 1:43:38
  Speaker 2: on a dance competition. Like, guys, enough. The Illuminati is
• 1:43:42
  Speaker 2: not hand-selecting everybody on Dancing with the fucking Stars. They
• 1:43:46
  Speaker 2: don't have the time. It's just not what it is.
• 1:43:50
  Speaker 2: I'm not defending LA. Shit on LA all the time.
• 1:43:52
  Speaker 2: People are like, oh, you're living in LA now. You're
• 1:43:55
  Speaker 2: defending all that. No, there's demons here to be sure.
• 1:43:59
  Speaker 2: To be sure. But a lot of people here are
• 1:44:01
  Speaker 2: just lucky. I don't think people can comprehend that. They're
• 1:44:06
  Speaker 2: in the right place at the right time. They had
• 1:44:09
  Speaker 2: a few of the right, they got the right look. People,
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 2: I don't think you comprehend that because that is kind
• 1:44:14
  Speaker 2: of a more terrifying world than the world where everybody's
• 1:44:19
  Speaker 2: elevated based on this, you know, ominous, whatever just is
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 2: what it is. I'm not saying that there aren't deals
• 1:44:26
  Speaker 2: that are made. I'm not saying that, you know, it's
• 1:44:29
  Speaker 2: not a lot darker than people would imagine, but it's
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 2: dark in a different way than you would imagine. It's lonely.
• 1:44:35
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of loneliness. There's a lot of indifference.
• 1:44:39
  Speaker 2: People really don't give a fuck about you. People do
• 1:44:41
  Speaker 2: things for a very long period of time, and then
• 1:44:43
  Speaker 2: they get a little attention, a little heat, and then
• 1:44:45
  Speaker 2: people start going, oh, who do they fuck? What do
• 1:44:48
  Speaker 2: they do? Who do they have in? It's just that
• 1:44:50
  Speaker 2: they bang your head against the wall. They shredded their
• 1:44:53
  Speaker 2: entire life. They've ruined every relationship they've had. They've mortgaged
• 1:44:57
  Speaker 2: their entire future on one thing. And sometimes it works.
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 2: A lot of times it doesn't. The majority of times
• 1:45:04
  Speaker 2: it doesn't. But sometimes it works. So this whole idea
• 1:45:08
  Speaker 2: that everybody out there who gets anything, either one doesn't
• 1:45:13
  Speaker 2: deserve it or has gotten it for some fucking, like,
• 1:45:17
  Speaker 2: you know... Reason that is shrouded in mystery and they
• 1:45:24
  Speaker 2: must know the right person. The people that do a
• 1:45:27
  Speaker 2: lot of the picking and the choosing here are lazy.
• 1:45:29
  Speaker 2: They're lazy and they're bad at their job. There's a
• 1:45:32
  Speaker 2: few of them that are nefarious movers and shakers, manipulating,
• 1:45:36
  Speaker 2: but it's at a very, very high level. It's really
• 1:45:38
  Speaker 2: not at the level I'm at. Not even really at
• 1:45:40
  Speaker 2: the level a few levels above me. A lot of
• 1:45:43
  Speaker 2: it is just simply happenstance. Not all of it, but
• 1:45:47
  Speaker 2: some of it. So I think the idea of deifying
• 1:45:50
  Speaker 2: people and making them gods comes from the idea that
• 1:45:56
  Speaker 2: these people are superhuman, either in a good sense or
• 1:45:59
  Speaker 2: a bad sense. Like they're either demons from hell or
• 1:46:02
  Speaker 2: they're gods that walk the earth. No, a lot of
• 1:46:04
  Speaker 2: them just worked hard, took risks, and got lucky. Not
• 1:46:09
  Speaker 2: all of them, but some of And that's the whole thing.
• 1:46:12
  Speaker 2: Ocasio-Cortez is a human being. Donald Trump's a human being.
• 1:46:16
  Speaker 2: They were able to leverage certain things. They had certain qualities.
• 1:46:20
  Speaker 2: And that doesn't mean, by the way, that they're not
• 1:46:23
  Speaker 2: backed by very powerful people or that they're not compromised.
• 1:46:28
  Speaker 2: None of that is the case. But what I'm saying
• 1:46:30
  Speaker 2: is that making them into, they have the same qualities
• 1:46:35
  Speaker 2: that you have, that many of us have. You just
• 1:46:38
  Speaker 2: don't finely tune and hone those qualities. And market them
• 1:46:42
  Speaker 2: or make them into something, which is, I'm not saying
• 1:46:44
  Speaker 2: you have to. Go fall in love, go walk on
• 1:46:46
  Speaker 2: the beach, much better life. I'm not saying you have
• 1:46:48
  Speaker 2: to want to, you know, try to, you know, run
• 1:46:50
  Speaker 2: the world and run the planet. But, you know, one
• 1:46:54
  Speaker 2: of the things that I realized about when I met elites,
• 1:46:58
  Speaker 2: I met people that had gone to really good schools.
• 1:47:00
  Speaker 2: Their families had a lot of money. In many cases,
• 1:47:03
  Speaker 2: they were stunningly ignorant. about the way the world actually
• 1:47:06
  Speaker 2: worked because they had never been on a public bus.
• 1:47:09
  Speaker 2: They had never, they didn't, even in the business that
• 1:47:12
  Speaker 2: I'm in, you meet people that are very, very good
• 1:47:14
  Speaker 2: at what they do, but they're so high up that
• 1:47:16
  Speaker 2: they don't see what's going on under them. They can't
• 1:47:18
  Speaker 2: really conceptualize what the masses are doing or what direction
• 1:47:23
  Speaker 2: things are moving in. And it's because a lot of
• 1:47:25
  Speaker 2: those elites doesn't mean they're gods. It doesn't mean that
• 1:47:29
  Speaker 2: they possess these superhuman qualities. It just means they're in
• 1:47:31
  Speaker 2: a very small world. And it's very insulated and it's
• 1:47:34
  Speaker 2: very insular. You know? And it's a world that gives
• 1:47:39
  Speaker 2: them endless privilege and endless benefits and shit like that.
• 1:47:43
  Speaker 2: But a lot of people are not technically elites. A
• 1:47:49
  Speaker 2: lot of them have attained an elite position because they
• 1:47:53
  Speaker 2: were at the right place at the right fucking time
• 1:47:56
  Speaker 2: and they had the right shit and it just kind
• 1:47:58
  Speaker 2: of clicked. And if you can make peace with that
• 1:48:02
  Speaker 2: You're OK, because listen, there are real conspiracies. There is
• 1:48:05
  Speaker 2: real shit going on. Nobody is. I mean, very few people.
• 1:48:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, there are people that have done, you know,
• 1:48:11
  Speaker 2: focused on the more than I do. But what clouds
• 1:48:14
  Speaker 2: the real shit? What clouds the Epstein stuff? What clouds
• 1:48:18
  Speaker 2: the Franklin scandal? what clouds JFK, what clouds very legitimate
• 1:48:22
  Speaker 2: questions about these things is when you start really painting
• 1:48:25
  Speaker 2: with this crazy broad brush and throwing like an open mic,
• 1:48:29
  Speaker 2: you just throwing out, you know, premises of this person
• 1:48:33
  Speaker 2: and that person and this person that it's like, At
• 1:48:36
  Speaker 2: the end of the day, you have to accept that
• 1:48:39
  Speaker 2: a lot of this literally is fucking luck. Not in
• 1:48:45
  Speaker 2: my case. I'm talent. That's why I'm on a porch
• 1:48:50
  Speaker 2: with no money. You understand? That's talent. Luck. I'd be
• 1:49:00
  Speaker 2: on power. Goodbye. Goodbye.