Latest / Whys & Finds / Gifts for Twins or Siblings So They Don't Fight
Transcript
- Ben: Two kids, one box under the tree. It's open for about four seconds before someone yells "Mine!" And now you're the one who brought it. Ellie: Welcome to Whys & Finds. I'm Ellie. Ben: And I'm Ben. Ellie: Today: what to get twins or siblings so they don't fight over one gift. Ellie: Two different gifts. One for each child, picked from what that child loves right now. Not one gift to share, and not two of the same thing. Ben: Not two of the same? I thought that was the one move nobody could argue with. Same gift, nobody's jealous. Ellie: It sounds fair. But fair and the same aren't the same thing here. Ben: Okay, where does that come from? Ellie: From a page on HealthyChildren.org. That's the American Academy of Pediatrics' site for parents. The page is about raising twins, and it's written by a pediatrician, Shelly Vaziri Flais. She has a line on gifts: "On birthdays and holidays, give each child distinctive presents." Ben: Distinctive. So, different. Ellie: Different on purpose. She also says: "At 3 and 4 years of age, each child has particular interests." And she suggests you pick up on those differences and use them for separate gifts. Ben: That's twins, though. What about a brother and sister two years apart? Ellie: Fair question. The page is about twins. But it has one line for everybody: "Everybody, whether born as a twin or not, desires to be treated as an individual." So I'd use the same idea for siblings close in age. That part is my reading. Ben: Noted. Your reading. Ben: Here's where I push back. Two of the same thing. Same toy, maybe in two colors. Nobody can say the other one got more. Why is that wrong? Ellie: It's not wrong on the day. But listen to this from the same page: "Adult twins often groan when they remember all the times that they received 2 of the same item, maybe in different colors." Ben: Okay, that's pretty much exactly my plan. Ellie: It is. And notice who's groaning. Not the kids on the day. The grown-ups looking back. The matching gift solves the fight for one morning. It doesn't say anything about who each child is. Ben: But on that one morning, it works. Nobody's crying. Ellie: Two different gifts can work that morning too. My take: if each one fits the child it's for, they're less likely to want the other one. Ben: Less likely. Not never. Ellie: Not never. I'm not promising a quiet morning. But I'd still pick two different gifts over two of the same. Ben: Alright. You keep that one. I'll argue about the next part. Ben: Because they will still grab each other's gift. So what then? Ellie: The page has two simple ideas. First: "give each child at least a day or two with his new toy before he is expected to share with others." Ben: A day or two of "mine." I like that. It's honest. Ellie: And after that, the toys can be shared. The second idea is for squabbles over a new toy. She calls it the egg timer trick: "Give each child a timed turn with the toy, and rotate turns." Ben: An egg timer. With two-year-olds. Ellie: You think it won't work? Ben: I think a two-year-old doesn't care what the timer says. Ellie: Maybe not the first time. The page says: "With consistency, your kids will know to reach for the egg timer." She writes that as a parent of twins. It's not a promise. Ben: Let's call that one even. I'll believe it when I see a toddler set the timer. Ben: Now the hard part. I'm the grandparent, or the aunt. I don't live with these kids. How do I know what each one is into right now? Ellie: Ask the parents. The same page tells parents to point gift-giving family toward distinctive gifts. In her words, "they'll likely appreciate a little coaching." Ben: So asking isn't rude. It's what the page tells parents to expect. Ellie: Right. One question per child. What do they love right now? An animal, trucks, books, anything. Ben: And if the parents say, "Oh, they like everything"? Ellie: Then let the child pick, but keep it small. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a page on preschoolers and choices. Its example is a restaurant: "narrow her choices down to two or three items." So the parent shows each child two or three options, and each one picks. Ben: Two or three. Not the whole store. Ellie: Not the whole store. Ben: Okay, say I've asked. One loves dinosaurs, the other loves unicorns. Any ideas? Ellie: One practical option: Naturally KIDS makes a small backpack, the right size for a child's little shoulders, with a plush animal on the front. One gets a T-Rex, one gets a unicorn. It's the same kind of gift, but each one is picked for one child. Ben: So nobody wonders whose is whose. Ellie: Right. And each plush animal is removable. You take it out for a hug and put it back. Or the two of them take both animals out and play. A T-Rex and a unicorn on the floor can run a whole pretend game together. Ben: So two separate gifts that can still end up in the same game. Ellie: That's the nice part. Each one has their own, and they can still play together. Ben: Naturally KIDS has more than 27,000 ratings on Amazon, with a 4.8 average. What else comes besides dinosaurs and unicorns? Ellie: A triceratops, a dog, a giraffe, a frog, a teddy bear and more. So if one child loves dogs and the other loves frogs, that works too. Ellie: Now, a few different situations. If one child already has a backpack they love, pick something else for that child, from what they're into. A book about their favorite animal, say. The gifts don't have to be the same kind of thing. Ben: Just the same amount of thought. Ellie: Right. If one sibling is a few years older, the dinosaurs and unicorns also come in a bigger size, with pockets. So the big kid doesn't get the little one's bag. Ben: And if the parents ask for one gift for the whole family? Ellie: Then go with what they ask. A family gift can work. Their house, their call. Ben: Okay, let me see if I've got it. One: give each child a different gift, from what that child loves. Pediatrician Shelly Vaziri Flais, writing on the American Academy of Pediatrics' site for parents, says give each child distinctive presents. Two: two of the same, in two colors, isn't the fix. Adult twins often groan about it. You kept that point. Three: a day or two with a new toy before it's shared, and timed turns if they squabble. We called the egg timer even. Four: if you don't know what they love, ask the parents. Or offer two or three choices, not the whole store. And five: if it's backpacks, a different animal for each child. Ellie: You've got it. Ellie: That's it for today. A reminder: the voices in this episode are AI-generated. Whys & Finds is made by Naturally KIDS. Ellie: That's today's why. See you at the next find.