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Bonus IMPROV - You Know What They Call a Cow in a Tornado? · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  Welcome to Very Fine Friends.
• 0:14
  Hi.
• 0:14
  Bonus improv.
• 0:16
  Joe, can we get a suggestion?
• 0:17
  Suggestion is upstate.
• 0:20
  Upstate.
• 0:21
  I love that word.
• 0:22
  I only ever think of New York.
• 0:24
  Me too.
• 0:25
  That's where my family's from.
• 0:26
  But have you ever, do people say upstate about any other state?
• 0:30
  I don't know.
• 0:31
  I've never heard it.
• 0:32
  Me neither.
• 0:33
  That's crazy.
• 0:34
  They must like California.
• 0:35
  Huge,
• 0:36
  long state.
• 0:37
  Does anyone say upstate?
• 0:38
  But it doesn't mean that doesn't mean Northern.
• 0:41
  I think it means away from the hub.
• 0:44
  I just made that up.
• 0:46
  Sounded good.
• 0:47
  Thanks.
• 0:48
  Like North and suburban.
• 0:50
  Yeah.
• 0:51
  We're upstate.
• 0:54
  Yeah.
• 0:55
  Listeners.
• 0:55
  If you say it about any other states,
• 0:58
  let us know.
• 1:00
  So we can slap you for being wrong.
• 1:02
  Yeah.
• 1:02
  Yeah.
• 1:02
  With a fish back and forth on social media at very fine friends or in real
• 1:09
  life.
• 1:09
  Or if you find us in real life,
• 1:10
  we'll slap you with a real fish.
• 1:15
  It's really,
• 1:15
  it's really nice upstate.
• 1:18
  Yeah.
• 1:19
  I mean,
• 1:19
  it's like visually,
• 1:20
  you know?
• 1:21
  Yeah.
• 1:21
  Green.
• 1:22
  I mean,
• 1:22
  when it's not winter.
• 1:24
  Yeah.
• 1:26
  Everyone has a basement.
• 1:28
  Yeah.
• 1:30
  property taxes are through the fucking roof yeah that crazy like the whole state has to pay
• 1:36
  for basically new york city yeah like they all are on the same
• 1:40
  um because i was looking to move there it's like not only is income tax very high but property tax
• 1:47
  is very high yeah and you when you live in new york city you pay a separate new york city tax
• 1:54
  too. Oh, really? Yeah. As what? As like a property owner or just
• 1:58
  a citizen? No, I did not own property there. I rented
• 2:02
  for sure. And no, you just, you pay a city tax on top of your,
• 2:06
  like your state income tax, you pay a city income tax.
• 2:11
  Yeah. Wow. Yeah, they get you every possible way.
• 2:14
  Is there a place where you could live right outside
• 2:17
  and then not pay it, but be close enough? There is no close enough.
• 2:22
  that it's like, no, you're just out of the city.
• 2:25
  How much is it?
• 2:26
  I don remember how much it is but I do remember paying it and being like what the hell is this W Yeah
• 2:36
  Very good.
• 2:41
  Did you do that just like real quick in your head?
• 2:43
  Yeah.
• 2:43
  That's impressive.
• 2:45
  Thanks.
• 2:47
  And now, improv.
• 2:49
  babe yeah we got a uh bill in the mail from the state this is weird oh what's it say hold on i'm
• 3:01
  opening it it's got your name on i'm sorry i hope you don't mind if i oh no that's fine okay
• 3:05
  oh it says we owe money for breathing air what but this is a joke this is a joke that's gotta
• 3:16
  be a joke everyone breathes air yeah yeah yeah hold on i'm gonna try something
• 3:21
  what the heck what did you blow it back out
• 3:30
  what i got charged for that too why am i getting charged on your account i don't know where's the
• 3:39
  sound coming from i don't know is this what they're spending our money on okay we just need
• 3:43
  be careful because i do not want to get both or anything weird yeah oh hey uh are you going to
• 3:50
  the kitchen yeah i'm on my way can you grab me a glass of milk you want a glass of milk yeah yeah
• 3:54
  sure i can do that thanks hey no problem hey you know they they call a cow in a tornado
• 3:59
  what milkshake oh that's so good yeah all right i'll get you some milk
• 4:06
  what i already paid for this milk where is that sound coming from babe get in here yeah what we
• 4:17
  got billed for the milk again we already paid for the milk distinctly heard the cha-ching and we got
• 4:22
  we already paid sales tax on it too yes and this was a this was donated milk
• 4:28
  we paid for donated milk
• 4:32
  yeah okay well that's a separate issue
• 4:36
  let's talk about it later i don't know what's going on i don't
• 4:40
  get it i mean we're not in a position to move right now because we can't sell the house we're like what's going on with this
• 4:44
  town ding dong
• 4:46
  i'm scared to open the door lest we are charged
• 4:50
  don't worry i won't charge it with us
• 4:55
  Hello Hi Hi Hi Hi there Yeah Milton Moneybags Milton Moneybags Yes I am your local tax guide
• 5:12
  Oh, oh, this is so fortuitous.
• 5:14
  Yes.
• 5:15
  Mr. Moneybags, what's going on?
• 5:16
  We keep getting billed.
• 5:18
  May I come in?
• 5:19
  Okay.
• 5:20
  Cha-ching!
• 5:22
  Sorry.
• 5:23
  You heard that, right?
• 5:23
  Yeah, well, of course.
• 5:24
  It's talking to the local tax guide is not free.
• 5:29
  I didn't ask you.
• 5:30
  I asked if I could come in.
• 5:31
  You said yes.
• 5:32
  You didn't tell me I was going to be charged.
• 5:34
  Well, you just assume from now on you will be charged for literally everything.
• 5:38
  Everything?
• 5:39
  Every single thing that happens now.
• 5:42
  Okay, don't move then.
• 5:44
  What do we do?
• 5:45
  Cha-ching.
• 5:46
  Ah, come on.
• 5:48
  There's a stand and still charge.
• 5:50
  Milton doesn't like to stand still.
• 5:52
  Milton likes to move.
• 5:53
  Milton, what do you do for free?
• 5:54
  your wife just kidding just kidding don't tell anyone i said that that's an inappropriate joke
• 6:00
  for me to make on the job it's okay we're not babies okay uh i'm just here to guide you through
• 6:06
  the expenses of living in a town such as this okay now you came here because of all of our great
• 6:15
  culture and amenities.
• 6:19
  Oh, come on.
• 6:21
  All right, go on.
• 6:23
  That was a make your guests feel
• 6:25
  like they are inadequate
• 6:27
  because of your rudeness by yawning.
• 6:30
  Sorry, it's been a long morning
• 6:31
  of getting charged.
• 6:33
  Well, get used to it.
• 6:36
  Okay, listen.
• 6:38
  We didn't sign up for this.
• 6:39
  My wife and I were on a budget.
• 6:41
  We're just, we're trying to enjoy
• 6:43
  our youth. We're both 24.
• 6:45
  What?
• 6:49
  That's the you can't rent a car yet tax.
• 6:53
  Oh, great.
• 6:53
  We're getting fined for not being able to do something.
• 6:57
  That's just brilliant.
• 6:58
  Yep, it is.
• 6:59
  Passive taxation is probably the most brilliant thing the government's ever done.
• 7:04
  Well, it's not that brilliant.
• 7:05
  We're going to be out of money soon.
• 7:06
  It's the only thing we're actually efficient at.
• 7:08
  I hear that.
• 7:09
  Hmm.
• 7:10
  Yeah.
• 7:10
  I'm surprised I didn't get charged for making a funny comment.
• 7:16
  Oh, Uncle Sam has a sense of humor about himself.
• 7:20
  He knows he's useless.
• 7:22
  So what do we do?
• 7:24
  This can't go on into perpetuity.
• 7:28
  Cha You got to be kidding me Oh that That one was actually me Oh I got charged because I let someone use the word perpetuity in my company
• 7:45
  We don't like that word.
• 7:48
  I learned it in college.
• 7:49
  No, I know.
• 7:50
  It shows a level of intelligence that we at the government do not care for.
• 7:55
  And that's on me.
• 7:56
  I was supposed to stop you from saying something smart.
• 7:59
  Well, thank God.
• 8:00
  Thank God it's your charge and not my charge.
• 8:03
  Listen, my wife and I, we're begging.
• 8:06
  What can we do to get out of this situation?
• 8:09
  Yeah, please, please, anything.
• 8:11
  We're begging you.
• 8:13
  Cha-ching!
• 8:15
  Begging's unsightly.
• 8:17
  You get charged for that, too.
• 8:19
  Is this even legal?
• 8:21
  Cha-ching!
• 8:22
  What?
• 8:23
  Questioning the government.
• 8:25
  Oh, no!
• 8:26
  The legal? I'm sorry, son.
• 8:28
  This is America.
• 8:30
  Oh, no.
• 8:32
  You don't use the full name of United States of America.
• 8:36
  What, I took it in vain?
• 8:37
  It suggests that you are friends with the country that you live in.
• 8:42
  Oh, this is outrageous.
• 8:43
  You are not friends. You do not get to nickname them.
• 8:46
  Okay, well, I'll tell you what.
• 8:47
  Here, here's a check. I just gave all my money to charity.
• 8:50
  What are they going to do now?
• 8:51
  Sorry, babe, I'm doing a thing.
• 8:53
  That's okay, honey, you get them.
• 8:56
  Now what?
• 8:57
  Cha-ching.
• 9:00
  There's no way to pee.
• 9:05
  That's the...
• 9:11
  That's the...
• 9:12
  Charity charge.
• 9:15
  That's the trying to find a loophole.
• 9:17
  The government caught you trying to find a loophole.
• 9:19
  There's no money.
• 9:20
  They're never going to get more money.
• 9:22
  I just gave it all away.
• 9:23
  We're poor.
• 9:24
  Cha-ching.
• 9:25
  Uh-uh.
• 9:26
  That's using extra consonants when you didn't need to say a word.
• 9:31
  That's the stuttering fee.
• 9:34
  Honey, I think I know what's going on here.
• 9:37
  Oh, well, could you explain it to me?
• 9:38
  Because I am flabbergasted.
• 9:40
  Yeah, this man made a joke earlier that I don't think is a joke.
• 9:43
  Would you please show him to our bedroom?
• 9:46
  Oh.
• 9:50
  Finally, you're catching on.
• 9:55
  See.
• 9:56
  Thank you.