Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why do narcissists put their friends and family ahead of you?

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Why do narcissists put their friends and family ahead of you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What's going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about why some narcissists
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  continuously put their friends and family in front of you, why
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  they put their friends and family above you.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a self aware narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  the Narcissist Code. So boom, welcome back, welcome
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  back, welcome back folks. Yes, why?
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  Some narcissist and toxic people just feel the unnecessary need
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  to put your family, their own family and friends in front of
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  you. Like why the hell do they keep
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  doing this? Like why is it does it seem like
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  a necessity for them to keep continuously doing the same
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  thing over and over again to make you feel less than their
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  friends and family? Why do they keep doing this when
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  you're supposed to be you were supposed to be their husband or
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  their wife or whoever? Why do they keep doing this?
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  You know, before we hop deep in today's episode y'all make sure
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  if you haven't already to check out my kids book on Amazon.
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  Remember it's not your fault, it's to help you talk to your
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  kids about tough situations and toxic relationship dynamics and
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  narcissistic family systems and things of that nature.
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  Telling the truth, setting boundaries, self love, all of
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  that stuff. Link is in the bio or you can
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  just search. Remember it's not your fault on
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  Amazon. But yes, why on earth do
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  narcissists tend to put their friends and family above you?
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  Not all of them will do this. Y'all cause some narcissists,
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  right don't have good relationships with their family
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  members and some narcissists don't have friends at all.
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  They're lone wolves, right? They're lone, they're loners and
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  whatnot, right? So why is this?
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  Why is this the truth? Why?
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  Why does this happen to so many people in these situations?
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  Because y'all, because narcissistic people want to make
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  you, they put, they put you in your place, for lack of a better
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  word, they want to make you feel less than.
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  They always want to just kind of check in and hurt you in some
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  way, shape or form. This is one way that they
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  continue to put you in your place.
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  When they do have a relationship with their with their family or
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  they have long term friends. This is one way that they can
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  damn near always put set set you back, you know, hurt your
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  feelings and things like that. I'm not going to give my friends
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  up because of you. They were here before you, they
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  would be here way after you. I don't care how you feel.
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  I'm not changing my plans with my friends to hang out with you.
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  We had our whole lives to be together.
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  Why the hell are you doing this? Like I don't care.
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  I'm not changing my plans for my family for you.
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  They were here before you, they will be here after you.
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  That's my family. Doesn't that make you feel the
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  same boy? Doesn't that continuously hurt
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  your feelings? Doesn't it?
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  It's it's a one way that a narcissist or toxic person will
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  make you question your question yourself.
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  Worth y'all. It's just true.
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  It's one way that narcissist or toxic people will make you feel
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  inferior to the to the people around them is one way to keep
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  you trying to do more. There's one way to keep you
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  trying to just keep going forward with them.
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  It's one way to keep you begging and pleading and like fighting
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  for worth, fighting for meaning in their life, fighting for your
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  place in their life. Like you're not even trying to
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  replace their friends and family, but they make you feel
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  like you're trying to replace their friends and family.
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  They make you question your words like damn, what is wrong
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  with me that I can't get the same treatment as them?
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  And a lot of times, y'all, they try to keep you separate from
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  the friends and family. When they're hanging with their
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  friends or family members, they try to just make sure that you
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  can't go. They try to like this is not
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  always going to be true. The opposite could be true in
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  this situation. But a lot of times they convince
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  you that the friends or family members don't like you.
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  I hate you. You know what I mean?
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  That my mom does not like you. That's why you can't come to my
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  mom's house. My dad can't stand your ass, you
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  old bum. You know my friends hate you
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  because you treat me horribly. They started smear campaigns
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  with their friends and family members and they kind of keep
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  you separated from them. Because I know, like I said, a
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  lot of times this wouldn't be an issue if y'all could all hang
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  out together, right? But a lot of times they keep
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  y'all separate. Like it's kind of like a
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  Thanksgiving plate, right? Kind of like you got to keep the
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  the little Thanksgiving tray where you got to like the
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  macaroni, the the spot for the Turkey.
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  There's a little gravy on top of it, a little ham, a little
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  macaroni cheese, potato salad, you know, I mean, collard
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  greens, casserole, whatever y'all eat.
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  You mean you don't like them? Not everybody likes them
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  touching, though. Some people like it mix it up in
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  one, like one little Styrofoam plate.
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  You just eat from the middle out, right?
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  Some people like it separate. Some narcissistic people like to
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  keep it separate. Like a Thanksgiving tray, like a
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  lunch tray. You may everything has its own
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  slot. And I don't want these two slots
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  mixing. I don't want my ham and my
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  Turkey mixing like the Turkey got graven on it and I don't
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  graven gravy on it and I don't like gravy on my ham.
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  So I need to keep these separate.
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  Just like in this situation, you want you either the Turkey or
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  you the ham with the gravy or the the Turkey with the gravy or
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  you the ham. They like to keep you all
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  separate and they make like you make you feel like one is worth
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  more than the other. They like to make you feel like
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  you have to fight for their attention, like they make you
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  feel like you're in this competition.
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  You're consistently in this competition for their attention
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  and you can't win. You've been handicapped.
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  Y'all ever seen those? Y'all ever seen those?
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  Y'all ever seen those like memes where they just like everybody
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  has to everybody in life has to run their race, right?
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  There's a there's a track and there's people lined up on the
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  line up on the racetrack and there's some people with no
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  obstacles. But then there's other people
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  with, you know, a pit of a pit of snakes, some alligators, a
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  lion is chasing them. There's a 16 foot high wall.
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  Do they have to climb with no ropes, no climbing shoes, no
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  gear? You have to find a way to get
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  over the wall. You can't go around it.
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  But the other people have a clean track.
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  You are the person with the 16 foot wall, the pit of Gators,
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  the snakes, the wolf line chasing behind you, the Liger.
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  Yeah, the tiger, a tiger, lion breed, mixed breed is chasing
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  you too. You got a Liger in front of you
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  have to somehow convince to let you buy that you have to run
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  this huge obstacle course to get to on the same racetrack as
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  their family and friends. Their family and friends don't
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  have those obstacles, right? You do.
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  And a lot of times they want to keep you separate because and
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  they don't want to keep you out like like y'all interacting and
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  whatnot, because they've been abusing you and they don't want
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  you to reveal what's been going on behind the scenes.
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  They don't want you embarrassing them and exposing them for who
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  they really are and causing a possible narcissistic collapse.
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  They don't want that happening, you know, so they want to make
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  you feel like you have work to do, like you need to work on
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  yourself, like you have things that you need to fix before I
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  can include you in my you know, in this in this circle, you
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  know, in this circle, circle of life and whatnot.
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  This is type of stuff that is going to continuously happen
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  over and over again. That's the type of stuff that
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  continuously happens. And I'll just like I said, I
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  want y'all to just understand it like there's nothing wrong with
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  you. I know.
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  It's just like, well, Lee, what's wrong with me?
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  Why can't how can I change this? Why you?
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  There's nothing you need to change about yourself to make
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  this person treat you any better.
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  You can try, but like the more you try to change, the more that
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  they will try to change about you.
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  You know, I, I wrote something on if y'all don't follow me on
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  threads. I've been, I've been threading a
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  lot more than being on Twitter because Twitter is X or
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  whatever. It's kind of crazy because Elon
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  Musk is probably highly a narcissist himself and he's just
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  posting he's just just on some craziness right now and he's
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  just super bored and whatnot. But I posted this on threads.
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  It says about narcissists changing.
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  I said narcissists want you to change who you are to fit them
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  when they themselves don't even know who they really are.
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  So you'll be trying to constantly change yourself to
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  fit this person who doesn't know who they are.
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  How do you fit someone? How do you mold and change your
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  identity to fit someone who doesn't have one themselves?
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  How does that work y'all? It doesn't.
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  You can't change yourself to mold yourself into the perfect
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  partner for somebody that doesn't, that is not perfect
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  themselves, that doesn't know who the hell they are.
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  So they want to keep making you change and work on yourself to
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  make you feel less than my friends that finally come before
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  you. And I've said this.
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  Have I said this before to my partners in the past?
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  Yes, I've absolutely said that, you know, to my to my current
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  wife, I said it to her in the past to my, my oldest son's mom.
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  I've said it to her in the past. And do I feel bad for saying
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  that type of stuff? Yes, yes, I feel bad for saying
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  that. I've told both of them that to
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  their face. My oldest son's mom, yes, she
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  like my oldest son's mom. She had me, you know, had me
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  talking to in a in front of a group of people about mental
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  health in Greensboro, NC, because she knows I'm working to
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  myself. So she sees that.
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  So yes, I talk, I talk to people while my mental health and
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  things like that, and I apologize for things I've said
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  and done in the past because that was not me.
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  It was me, but it was not me at the same time, you know what I
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  mean? I apologize for a version of
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  myself that was out of control and highly narcissistic, toxic
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  as hell, just manipulative, just horrible person.
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  But I'm working, I'm working on me, Anna, you know?
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  But a lot of narcissists and toxic people will continuously
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  do the same thing over and over again, y'all, because it
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  benefits them. It keeps you in your place, it
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  keeps you working harder to change yourself.
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  There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you.
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  I need you to look into the mirror going when you finish
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  watching this video, which is going to come to come to an end
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  in about a minute here and then you go look in the mirror.
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  Look yourself in the mirror, in the eyes.
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  Try to it's hard. It's kind of hard to look at
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  yourself in the mirror, in the eyes.
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  I'm not looking at my eyes, am I looking at my eyes right now?
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  You may go cross eye looking yourself in the mirror, but say
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  there's nothing wrong with me. I'm worthy of love.
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  I'm worthy of compassion, I'm worthy of empathy.
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  Say this to yourself. Say say it in the mirror.
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  I love me, I love myself, but that's not narcissistic.
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  It's self love. Self love is not narcissism.
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  It's not. It's not self love is healthy
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  narcissism. I'll say that.
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  You know what I would think that think that am I confused?
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  Maybe, maybe maybe I just had a maybe baby.
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  You know what I mean? I just gave birth to a maybe
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  baby, but I, I just want y'all to win y'all.
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  There's nothing wrong with you. They just want to make you feel
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  like there is something going on with you or you're less than or
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  they spread rumors about to your friend to their friends and
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  friends and family about you like their friends and family
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  hate you or whatever. So they always try to put them
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  before you. This is one of those weird
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  things that narcissistic people, toxic gas people will
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  continuously do because it benefits them in the end.
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  In the end, you know, maybe people, y'all, we're going to
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  wrap this thing up one more time for the kids in the back.
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  Remember, it's not your fault. Check it out on Amazon and
• 11:01
  whatnot. Check out my support, my support
• 11:02
  groups. Check out everything at
• 11:04
  mentalillness.net. It's up to this channel, y'all.
• 11:08
  As always, mental illness is out.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea?
• 11:16
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:18
  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
• 11:20
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse to
• 11:22
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.