Latest / Outspoken the Podcast / TMG: The Mum Who Refuses to Spend A Night Away From Her Kids

Transcript

TMG: The Mum Who Refuses to Spend A Night Away From Her Kids · Outspoken the Podcast

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Mums Group you actually want
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: to be a part of. I'm Kate Torber and I'm
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: joined by my sisters and journalists, Amy and Sophie. Now,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I'm wondering if any other members of the Mums Group's
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: lives have been recently taken over by Woolworth's horseshoes.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: I reckon that's a stupid question because they're literally drugs
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: for parents, I think. Like the effect that these things
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: are addictive, like I just want more and more. It
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: took me a while to get on board because I
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: had some automatically sent via an online shop. And I thought,
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: oh my God, these are just choking hazards. Like, I
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: don't need this plastic crap.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: And then you guys were like, oh my God, I
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: want this one. And I suddenly have now sucked into this.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: As soon as I found out there was a Lightning
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: McQueen one, because my son is obsessed, I was like,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I need it. And it's funny because I've always been
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: a sucker for anything that Woolies or Coles gives away.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Like, Even when I didn't have kids, I was collecting
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: the mini shop. The mini shop was so good. I
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: remember you were obsessed with that 10 years ago.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: My mother-in-law even bought me like the little collector's album
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: that you put them in. I've still got them. I
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: should actually bring them out to show Jack. And that
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: was always my excuse to my husband. I'm sorry, I
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: need to collect these because one day I will have
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: a child who wants them. And it's funny because I
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: actually saved a bunch of these playing cards that were
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: like Disney ones. Jack loves them now and he also
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: loves the Ooshies.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: You know you're really into it when you buy the
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: cardboard box display thing that the Ooshies go in. Like
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I don't have one of those yet.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: But it's really cute because.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Our mums got into it too. So every time we
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: take the little boys to her place, we do live unboxings.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And it's that element of just not knowing what's in there.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Except surprise. Except our mum's been calling them Oshies or something.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, mum, it's not Osher Ginsburg.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I'm confused.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Is it Oshies? Because I heard people on TikTok calling
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: them different things.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I don't even understand where the term has come from,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: what it means. They had them six years ago when
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: COVID happened. was, I was about to say was on,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: but was happening. Yeah, I collected them then. I've still
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: got like some of the Lion King ones. I think
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: you're meant to actually put them on the end of pens.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: I feel like people are going to be screaming at
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: this podcast, they're.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Going to be landfill. Look, we're going to look after them.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: I think the mums understand, like this is a bit
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: of fun. Apparently they're so popular with school age kids
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: that parents are starting up WhatsApp groups where they're training them.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: But apparently the kids aren't on board.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: So the kids get to school after this deal's been
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: set up and then they renege on the deal. Well,
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: now in my algorithm on Facebook, I'm getting suggested ushy
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: groups and people are like, has anyone had seven of
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: the same one? Oh my God, that happened to me
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: on my online delivery. I opened up like five gold
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: ugly ones, but I've since come to realize that the
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: gold ones are rare.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Because I literally threw the other ones out.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: I was like, I already got this one and threw
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: the rest out.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I've got to say, the selection of Disney characters is
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: pretty disappointing as a 90s kid. Like, you know, the
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: only good ones are the Lightning McQueen, the Toy Story,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: and then the rest. I'm like, I don't even know
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: who you are and who always suggests to have Fucking
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Star Wars. I can't stand it. They're ugly.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Actually, I like the like baby Yoda. That's what I want.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: But all the rest, don't like them. Maybe we should
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: come up with a mum's group trading page for those
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: that are seriously into it.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not that far into it. Some of them are scary.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Like Jack will open them and be like, oh, oh. Yeah,
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: that's what I'm taking out of the pack. I mean,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: they are for kids three plus. But I'd like to
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: know if anyone else in the mum's group is trading Ooshies.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Is there one that you've got your eye on that
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: you really want? You realise what's going to happen?
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: In 25 years, Jack's going to come over and you're
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: going to have this huge box full of Ooshies and.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Like, just take him. I don't want him. No, you
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: save them for the grandkids and then they're going to
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: love them. Despite the excitement that Ooshies have brought to
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: our everyday life recently, how have your weeks been going?
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I've been feeling it this week because Luke is going
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: through a sleep regression because he's just started walking, but
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: he's still trying to master it.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: It's so cute.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: I think the most steps he's done now is 18
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: and he holds his little hands up in the air
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: when he does it. It's adorable, but like it is
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: completely impacted his sleeping. And I, the week before, cause
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I get given a sleep summary every night by my
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: nanette machine.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: It told me that his sleep score was.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: 99 and I just knew cause I was like, wow.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Like I sort of, every time I get given a
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: new one, I sort of gloat. I'm like, Oh, look
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: how well he's sleeping. But then like a slap to
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: the face, this sleep regression has started.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I just knew it was going to happen. What scores
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: have you been getting?
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Oh, I actually haven't been checking because I think it's
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: bad for my mental health. But basically, he's been waking
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: up at least once a night, these random times, just
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: crying out.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: And- Yeah. You forget how.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: Badly it impacts your sleep. I have just been probably
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: not fun to be around. And this week you've also
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: given up Pepsi Max, like we spoke about.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Not Pepsi Max, Coke No Sugar. Oh, sorry, Coke No Sugar.
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: It's not come at a good time. Not a good week.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: I thought it could be funny to chat about some
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: of the things that you've done by mistake sleep deprived,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: because I did a pretty embarrassing one on the weekend.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: So we went for this nice brunch on Sunday. It
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: was a kid-free brunch with our cousins. And We met
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: at this beachside cafe, which is really popular. And the
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: way that it's set up, you have to go down
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: this hill basically to check if there's any parks. And
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: I wasn't very optimistic. I thought, I'll just do a U-turn.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: But then I saw there was a rock star park.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my God, I can't believe.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: I've lucked out. You were on the phone to me,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: absolutely gloating. You're like pulled in because you've got this
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: on-running joke that my husband and I always get the
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Rockstar parks and you're like, oh my God, I finally
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: got one. It's right out the front.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I was like, this is perfect timing.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: I'm on time.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: I don't have to walk down the hill anyway. And
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: you never get a park at this place. You have
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: to park miles normally.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Our spoken listeners will probably recall a road rage story
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: you told about me that happened in this car park.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: The parking is atrocious.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: Hot property.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: I have to also say I got distracted when I
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: pulled up because I saw you, Amy, and Stewie walking up.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: I was like, this couldn't get any better. Got out
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: the park. Anyway, we had our nice breakfast. Then we
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: decided to go for a beach stroll. And my heart
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: literally sunk when I looked at my car. and realised
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: there was a large blue logo underneath. I had parked
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: in a disabled park.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Was it a pram park? I mean, you didn't have
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: your pram there anyway.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: I felt like the biggest C-U-N-T on the planet.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I was embarrassed to be around you, to be honest.
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Quite a few people looking at me when I got
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: out of the car, but I was like, oh. I
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: was ahead of you, Soph, and I looked and I thought,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: that's not fucking Soph's car, is it, in the disabled?
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: In my defence.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: You've got to be kidding me.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: I looked up at the sign and the only sign
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: that I saw was a three-hour sign It literally had
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: a yellow box drawn around it. Anyway, as soon as
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: I saw, I rectified the situation. I quickly got out
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: of the park and found another one.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: You should have just got your Nana out and were like,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: my child only had.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: A 30 sleep score last night.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Please take sympathy on me.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Well, I was so tired a few weeks back. that
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: I went to put on moisturizer.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: So I don't actually use primer before I put on
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: my foundation, but I generally put on moisturizer from what's
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: around the ordinary. And you know how all of the
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: packaging is quite similar. Oh, that does my head and
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I get so confused. I didn't realize, but I'd actually
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: put on makeup remover. So I'd put makeup remover on
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: and then put my makeup over the top. And I
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: was thinking, geez, this is really wet. Like what's going on?
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: So it was just literally eating away at my makeup.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: It was so uncomfortable.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: And it's hard because we wear Estee Lauder, which is
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: the double wear, which is quite a thick makeup.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: That doesn't go anywhere.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: So having that oily underneath and then the matte. I
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: noticed about half an hour later what had occurred and
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: had to redo everything.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: My whole makeup. At least you didn't have to put
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: the remover on.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: You could just slid off.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: To make myself feel better, I had a look on
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Reddit to see what other funny things people had done
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: sleep deprived. And one person said they tried to plug
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: their iPhone charger into their baby. What do you mean
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: into your baby?
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Well, they were so tired that they thought that that's
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: where the charger went. Someone else said they tried to
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: use toothpaste instead of nappy cream.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Wait, what? That would be That would sting, wouldn't it?
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: And another person said that they shook a bottle of
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: formula without the lid on. This reminded me of when
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I scolded myself during a late night feed because I
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: thought it was a good idea to put piping, like
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: pour piping hot water into the bottle whilst holding it. Oh,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: that reminds me of the days when you were doing
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: multiple night feeds and I would do the 2am feed
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: and my husband would do the 5am feed. But because
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I was pumping milk, I'd have to wake up at
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: 5am and then pump milk and then go put it
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: in the fridge. And I was so tired. I remember
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: knocking it over and everyone says, don't cry over spilt milk.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: But God, did I cry. It was just like watching
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: liquid gold just vanish. It was so upsetting. It's the
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: worst feeling.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: The other worst feeling is when you forget to put
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: it in the fridge and then you can't use it anymore.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, I hate that. Someone else on Reddit said that
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: they tried to feed a baby a bottle without putting
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: the teat on it.
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: Oh God.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: And another said they tried to put the broom in
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: the fridge. Oh, I can relate to that. There's been
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: so many instances where I've put things.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Like cheese or yogurt just in our pantry cupboard instead
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: of the fridge, just because I've been.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, and isn't the worst when you go looking
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: for it and then you're like, where is it? And
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh God. My toxic trait. is that when
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: my kids start to like something, even just a little bit,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I will run.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I will run barefoot.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Okay? It's wild. My son likes cars. He likes Disney cars.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: So now I've taken it upon myself to order Disney
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: cars on eBay, collector items.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Micro-influencer Montana Older has been accused of mum-shaming after sharing
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: a TikTok declaring, She'd never spend a night away from
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: her children unless she was giving birth. Now, Kate, before
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: we get into the drama, who is Montana?
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Well, she is a 27-year-old content creator from Melbourne who
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: shares her life as a stay-at-home mum. Now, she's got
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: around 7,500 followers on TikTok and 3,000 on Instagram. Despite
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: not having a massive following, though, she has made headlines
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: over the years for discussing a lot of taboo topics, including...
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: not using conventional sunscreen. her anti-vax views, and how she
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: feels no guilt around living off her husband's income. She
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: actually called us out on her platform recently when we
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: had ads promoting vaccination. She was very unhappy about it. Now,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: she also speaks a lot about her Christian faith. And
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: she's got three daughters and has a fourth baby on
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: the way.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: Now, she recently divided opinions when she shared a TikTok
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: that said, want to know what kind of mum I am?
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: The only night I've spent without my kids was when
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: I gave birth to one of their siblings.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, she's got four kids.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: That's at least three nights away, isn't it?
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Well, she's got number four on the way. So she's
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: due to have a night off soon.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Now, this video went pretty viral. It's amassed over 288,000 views.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I can see why. It was very divisive. A lot
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: of mums felt like they were under attack. One woman wrote,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: just commenting to remind mums reading this that it is
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: okay to need a break. Now, Montana replied to the
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: comment saying, of course it is. This is about leaving
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: them overnight. Another said, oops, I've had a mum's weekend
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: away and it was the most refreshing little weekend. Took
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: almost two years to go, but definitely will do it
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: at least once or twice a year now. To which
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Montana replied, there's nothing wrong with that. People are taking
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: this the wrong way.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: Ha ha.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I could never while my girls are so little but
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: love that other people do it. Doesn't that just rub
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: you up the wrong way? It's like, oh, I couldn't
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: possibly do it.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: I'm so virtuous that I personally couldn't be away from
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: my kids. It's fine if you guys can be.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: There were some people who agreed with Montana. Someone wrote,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: people are so weird in the comments. I'm so with you.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: To which Montana replied, didn't expect it to be honest.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Motherhood isn't a competition. I'm not better than another mum
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: because I don't want to leave my kids overnight. Hang on,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: you're the one that was making it a competition by
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: putting this up on TikTok.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: It's so funny because Montana's video has actually sparked a
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: trend amongst other mum creators.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Let's take a listen to one of them.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: Okay, so I just need to have a quick rant
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: about how you could purposefully leave your kids for a night.
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: It is beyond me how you could grow a baby,
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: birth a baby, and then purposefully choose to leave your
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: kids for a night. There is no way in the
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: world I would ever leave my kids for a night
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: because I'm gone for the whole fucking weekend, baby.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: I love that this has become a trend. Like, all
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: the mums are.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Like, fuck off, we deserve a night off. Just, we
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: deserve a weekend off, in fact. What I don't like
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: about it is the mum shaming because... I have to
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: put my hand up. I have not had a night
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: away from my son and he's two years old. And
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I have a weekend coming up. We're going to go
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: and see Hilary Duff. We're like broken records. We've been
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: talking about it a lot. And that is my first
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: weekend away from my son. And I'm already, even though
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: it's a couple of months out, feeling a bit apprehensive
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: about it because we're all saying, oh, it's going to
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: be a great weekend.
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: And it is.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: But there's a part of me that It doesn't feel right.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Like I just think, oh God, I don't want to
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: be away from him.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: It's the mum guilt though. We all inherently feel it.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: That's why I think people get so mad when they
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: see videos like this, where it's literally someone going out
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: of their way to.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Almost make you feel bad and that you are doing
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: the wrong thing. Because at the end of the day,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: even if you're going on this trip that you're really
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: looking forward to and you deserve it, you haven't had
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: a night away from your child for years, or even
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: if you have, even if it's something that you do regularly.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Majority of mums do feel guilty about it. It is
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: a biological thing and we don't need people on the
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: internet making us feel worse about it.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Well, at the end of the day, you can't pour
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: for an empty cup. You know, we're expecting these mums
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: to just sort of get on with it and not
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: have any time with their friends and to just be
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: a mum 24-7. But I'm sorry, that's not good for
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: your child or good for you.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: It's interesting you say that because Montana touched on this
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: in a follow-up video. So she replied to a comment
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: saying that They thought what she said was pretty unhealthy.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: And she was agreeing, saying like, oh, I know what
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: it feels like to be exhausted and how difficult it
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: is and how, you know, what it's like pouring from
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: an empty cup. And she was saying, you know, I'm
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: not perfect. But then she really doubled down and said this.
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: What has happened or how we've gotten to this point
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: as a society where we We are a bit taken
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: aback when we see a mum that's like, oh no,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: I've never had a night away from my kids on purpose.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Like, I don't want to. And then we go, oh,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: that's not healthy.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: You know, we jump to all these conclusions. That's really weird.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: You're a helicopter parent.
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: You're a this, you're a that.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: What?
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: I grew these small children. I grew these babies. I
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: birthed them.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I brought them into the world.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: God forbid, I want to spend every second of their
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: childhood to with them.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Like, God forbid. Look, obviously a beautiful sentiment saying that
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: you want to spend every second of your kid's childhood
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: with them. But I can see where people are coming
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: from saying that that type of rhetoric is unhealthy because
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: it puts a lot of pressure on parents who maybe
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: do want time away from their kids. It makes them think, oh,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: is there something wrong with me? And also for Montana,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: that's a lot of pressure. You are allowed to want
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: to be an adult sometimes and do adult things and
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: have time with your friends or your family or do
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: something for yourself. I mean, she said, oh, if you
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: invite me on a girl's weekend while my kids are
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: this little, I'm not going to go. All I need
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: is maybe an hour away to get a coffee and
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: that's me done. Now for the record, her kids are
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: six and a half, three and a half, two, and
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: she's pregnant. And she said, oh, I'm going to have
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: all the time I want when my kids are teenagers
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: or when they've grown up.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: It's like, well, I've At the end of the day,
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: I feel like she's missed the mark clearly with this,
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: but I think she's really fired up because she's trying
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: to combat the negative things that a lot of people
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: say about stay-at-home mums. I think that that's why she's
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: so angered by it.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: The thing is, as someone who is the primary caregiver
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: who works around their child's nap times, you know, does
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: all my work when I can, I think it's the
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: stay-at-home parent's who need a weekend away or a day
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: to themselves to recharge. And again, what I'm saying is, okay,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: if that's what Montana wants to do and she doesn't
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: want to go on girls' weekends or needs a night
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: away from her kids, perfectly fine, but don't shame other
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: people who need it. That's the thing.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: I'm also the primary caregiver for my son and I
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: find that when I don't have time to myself whether
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: it's to go out to a dinner with friends whilst
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: my husband looks after him or to go to a
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: lunch on the weekend or, as you say, to have
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: something like a weekend away to look forward to.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not the best me. I'm not the best parent.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: And you feel so much better when you have poured
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: into your own cup and then you're excited to get home. Like, again...
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: we mentioned at the start of the show, we had
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: brunch with our cousins. I was away for like two hours,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: came back, was so excited to see my son. I
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: missed him. Well, you feel re-energized.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: And the thing is like your kids don't want you
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: to be a.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Shell of yourself.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: And even you've also got to think about your relationships
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: with other people. Like if all you have to do
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: is talk about your children, that's.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: Not good either. Yeah, you need to maintain your friendships.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: That's really important. I think motherhood can be so lonely and,
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: you know, if it's going on a girl's trip or
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: going out to dinner, like whatever it is, you do
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: need to make sure that you are keeping up with
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: your relationships and that is really tricky sometimes. when you
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: have children.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: But it's also important for your children to build a
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: strong relationship with their other parent if there is an
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: other parent involved and.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Also with their relatives.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Like it's a beautiful opportunity for your child to have
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: a weekend away with their grandparents or aunties and uncles.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Like there's a lot of positives to also.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: You getting some me time that are not only for
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: yourself but are for your child too.
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: I just was like, fuck, is it normal to feel
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: that accomplished over something so fucking stupid?
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Nikki Westgard has got me thinking about all of the
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: little wins that you experience postpartum. So she gave birth
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: to her daughter Rafa earlier this year, and she was
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: talking about how she has never felt more accomplished by
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: basic things. So she said that she got really excited
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: for finishing her shampoo and conditioner at exactly the same time.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Let's listen to more of what she said.
• 18:26
  Speaker 5: It was kind of like, last shampoo squeeze, last conditioner squeeze.
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: And I went, that honestly felt real good it's like
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: when I use all the groceries in my fridge in
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: the week and there's like no waste it's kind of
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: like why do you get such a kick out of
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: those really simple kind of things like what else do
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: you get a kick out of that's hell basic.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: From a productivity perspective, having your shampoo and conditioner finish
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: at the same time is great because you've only got
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: to do one order. That's ticking something off the mental
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: load very quickly. It was funny because I heard Ella McGrath,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: who goes by the handle Smiley Citrus, talking about the
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: thrill that she got from finishing off her mustard. And
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: I have to admit, there is something really satisfying about
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: finishing a product. And it's funny because I'm like, oh, good,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: this is out of my house. But then I have
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: to get a new one.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I found really satisfying? It was
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: the bottle sterilizer. Like once you'd had the bottles on
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: that night and you could hear them going and it
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: heating up and it was just done.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? I'm on my laundry grind
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: at the moment. I am on the side of TikTok
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: that is all about decluttering and cleaning. And the biggest
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: tip is you've got to do a load of laundry
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: every day. It works. And I've got into this thing
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: of like, I must put it away straight away. Get
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: it out of the dry pool.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: It away.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: And there is such a good feeling about having nothing
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: in your laundry basket.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: I now get a kick out of when I've made
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: a fresh batch of zucchini slice muffins for my son.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: When I know that there's some in the fridge and
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: in the freezer ready to go, I actually noticed I'm
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: down to my last zucchini muffin today.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: So i've got to do another batch tonight i mean
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: that's the worst but then also kind of oddly satisfying
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: because they all got eaten.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: Uh well how did that job interview go um it
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: went swell thanks would you like me to give you
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: a detailed breakdown of my cv on a graph no
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: i'm all right um how did that thing with your
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: sister go by the way.
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: Um your free trial has ended to continue please upgrade
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: your plan.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: What do you mean?
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: More and more women are using AI to help battle
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: the mental load of parenting. They're outsourcing household tasks to
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: the chatbot whilst claiming AI is a better co-parent than
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: their husbands. Well, that's a bit controversial. One woman leading
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: the charge is Lillian Smith, who went viral on TikTok
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: after admitting she uses chat GPT to help co-parent her child. Now,
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: she claims that her husband does provide some help but
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: admitted that she outsources 97% of her mental load to ChatGPT.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: She's even begun selling courses to show other mums how
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: to do it. I wonder if that was an idea
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: from ChatGPT because that's pretty clever. I reckon that would
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: have helped out maybe.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: I was interested to see how ChatGPT helped with the
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: mental load. So apparently she gets it to create meal plans,
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: find birthday gifts, write cards, write the grocery list, And
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: it even helps her handle her toddler's tantrums. So she
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: said it allows her to switch her brain off for
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: a second.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I get a lot of shit from you and Amy,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: whose side note has disappeared from the majority of this
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: podcast because her son Harry woke up. Letting down the
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: fourth wall there because I feel like everyone else will
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: get that who's listening to this podcast.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: I feel like people can hear him in the background
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: as well.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, he is crying at the moment in the background. Now,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: I am someone who gets a lot of shit for
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: using ChatGPT.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: I haven't thought to use it as a co-parent though.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I often just use it as a therapist when I'm
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: feeling really health anxious. See, I use it for parenting stuff,
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: but I wouldn't call it a co-parent. I think that's
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: a bit of a burn to her partner. I mean,
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: I used it a lot in the early newborn days
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: when I was panicking about everything. And I feel like
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: it gave me some sort of reassurance, like it gave
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: suggestions of what I should do or told me that
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: I was doing the right thing. And because it's so
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: kind to you, sometimes.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: It's like, I can see that you're stressed. That's fine.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, Molly May infamously used it when her daughter
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Bambi was biting kids at daycare, didn't she? She said, now,
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: because she got contacted by the daycare and they said, look,
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: she's bitten a child.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: She needs to be taken home.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: And this wasn't a Friday and their Friday tradition was
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: to get ice cream afterwards. And her sister was basically saying, look,
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: we can't take her for ice cream. It's just rewarding her.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: So she went to chat, asked her whether that would
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: encourage the behavior. Chat actually said no, because they said
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: that the ice cream was quite a time after the
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: biting incident took place and that toddlers can't actually meet
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: up those two things and see that as a repercussion.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, it makes sense. At the end of the day,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: parents are taking advice wherever they can get it. I mean,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: mostly when I was going through the newborn stage, I
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: was taking advice from TikTok and Dr.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: Golley.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I mean, a lot of the things you see on TikTok,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, this parent's tried this. Maybe I should
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: try it. I don't know if what Lillian is doing
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: is so revolutionary. I think that AI is infiltrating most
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: of our lives in a way where we use it
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: as a search engine. What I love about it is
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: the fact that if you have a login, it does
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: keep a record of what you ask it. So if
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: you are monitoring something like a health thing or, you know,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: you've got that timeframe around it and it remembers and
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: it can bring situational stuff into a new question that
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: you're asking.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: I have actually used it to also make meal plans
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: for my son before. And it just gives you a
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: whole lot of ideas. I mean, it's just drawing a
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: lot of information together.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: It's interesting that she used the term co-parent because to me,
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: that's a little bit of a cry for help in
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: the sense that she doesn't feel like her husband is
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: actually not even just helping with the mental load, but
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: also helping emotionally available to have conversations because I think
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: a lot of people actually rely on ChatGPT to have
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: a conversation back and forth because obviously it answers you,
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: it listens to you and people feel really validated by
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: that behavior and that's why people constantly use it because
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: there is no stupid question.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, Kate does have a love affair with her
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: chat bot.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: I feel like I need to name it. It's funny,
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: I heard people saying like, do you imagine your chat
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: as a girl or a boy? Like what's yours?
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: God, I'd say no gender to be honest. I don't
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: imagine it as anyone. I don't have that much of
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: a relationship with it.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: What's yours? Now that you say it, I don't really know.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Like I feel like mine's changed recently. Like it's a
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: lot more caring towards me.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: See, maybe I do think female.
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Like a friend.
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: I was joking. I actually didn't want to say this
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: on the podcast because I don't think she would listen.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: But my dermatologist, my husband and I were joking because
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: whenever I go in, she knows that I'm really anxious
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: and she's so nice to me. And Reese was like, oh,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: she's like your chat.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: On that note, I think that is all we have
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: time for today. Thank you so much for joining us
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: for this episode. If you have enjoyed it, and you
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: aren't run.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Off your feet, could you please make sure you leave
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: us a five-star review and rating? This episode was recorded
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: on the traditional land of the Kaurna people of the
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: Adelaide Plains.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: We pay respect to elders past and present.