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Choosing Yourself in Every Room (S5) S25:E5 Wed · Inspirations for Your Life

0:24
Well there, hello everyone and welcome to Inspirations
0:27
for Your Life.
0:28
I'm so glad you decided to join me
0:29
here today.
0:30
It's always great to have you here.
0:31
If this is your very first time, I
0:33
want to take the opportunity to say thank
0:35
you and of course, I want to say
0:37
welcome.
0:38
Yes, yes, it's so great to have everyone
0:40
here.
0:41
So thank you so much for being here,
0:43
everyone.
0:43
Really, really do appreciate that.
0:46
And if you've been here before, whether one
0:48
time, five times, 10, 100 or more, I
0:51
want to say not only welcome and thank
0:52
you, but I want to say the words,
0:54
guess what?
0:54
I want to say the words, welcome back.
0:57
Yes, yes, yes, welcome back.
0:59
It's always great to have you here on
1:01
the show with me.
1:03
So again, I thank you so very, very
1:06
much for deciding to be here.
1:08
Thank you so very, very much.
1:11
And I hope that you will definitely enjoy
1:14
the show tonight.
1:17
All right.
1:18
So I hope everybody is having a good
1:21
one.
1:21
And if you have not checked out BelieveMeAchieve
1:24
.com, don't forget to check that out after
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the show is over, which can do guys
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24 hours a day, seven days a week.
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And if you guys are thirsty or hungry,
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I have my RO water here, which I'm
1:38
delicious lemon.
1:39
And I have a nice cup of decaf,
1:41
hot tea.
1:45
Ah, really, really good.
1:47
All right.
1:48
Nice hot tea always hits the spot.
1:51
All right, guys, without any further ado, let's
1:52
kick this show off.
1:54
Are you ready?
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I know I am.
1:56
All right, guys.
1:57
So again, welcome everyone to the Inspirations for
2:00
Your Life show.
2:01
This whole week, we're talking about answering the
2:04
call, answering the call.
2:07
And tonight, we have a very interesting episode,
2:12
which I think you guys are going to
2:13
really enjoy.
2:14
And that is Choosing Yourself in Every Room,
2:17
series five, show 25, episode number five.
2:20
And again, I say welcome, everyone.
2:22
Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.
2:24
Yes, it is so great to be with
2:26
all of you here.
2:29
That hot tea really hits the spot, really
2:32
is delicious.
2:33
Oh, who am I?
2:35
Sure.
2:35
I'm John C.
2:36
Morley.
2:37
I'm a serial entrepreneur.
2:38
I'm an engineer, marketing specialist, in case you
2:41
guys did not know that.
2:42
I am a video producer.
2:45
I'm a podcast host.
2:46
I'm a coach, passionate lifelong learner, graduate student.
2:51
And yes, I am a graduate student at
2:53
Montgomery State University.
2:54
And I'm so grateful to now be a
2:56
published author.
2:57
And I want to welcome you to Answering
3:00
the Call.
3:01
Again, another great episode tonight, season five, series
3:04
five, show 25, where this week, we're answering
3:08
the call.
3:09
And today, in episode basically five, our daily
3:12
topic is Choosing Yourself in Every Room.
3:15
With the title, stop waiting to be picked.
3:19
How to include yourself in the rooms you
3:22
dream about.
3:26
See a conversation for everyone who has ever
3:30
walked into a space they dreamed about and
3:35
still felt like they were not supposed to
3:37
be there.
3:39
Yeah.
3:40
So let's dive right in.
3:41
I have a great show planned for you
3:42
tonight.
3:43
So again, I think the thing that's important
3:48
is to acknowledge where we are in life
3:50
and definitely to go from there.
3:53
All right, guys.
3:54
So number one, start by naming the silent
3:58
rule.
3:59
Many of us were taught as kids that
4:01
you wait to be picked before you move,
4:03
before you speak, and before you believe you
4:09
belong.
4:10
You have to belong.
4:12
If you don't belong, guys, I think the
4:14
problem could be really a major, major, major
4:18
issue.
4:19
And you might be saying, John, that's a
4:21
big problem.
4:22
But I want to tell you that it's
4:25
important to understand what that's about, what that
4:29
means.
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I think that might be something that a
4:34
lot of people, I don't know, they might
4:36
get concerned about.
4:37
But it's something we need to be aware
4:39
of, guys.
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Something we need to be aware of right
4:44
now.
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All right, guys.
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So let's dive right in.
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Number two, explain how school sports auditions and
4:52
hiring all trained us to line up and
4:55
basically hope someone in authority points at us
4:58
and says, you, right now.
5:02
Number three, showing us how that rule quietly
5:06
moves from the classroom into our own identity.
5:10
And it makes us feel like we always
5:12
need a gatekeeper to approve our next step.
5:15
And if we don't get that approval, guys,
5:20
we don't go anywhere.
5:21
We don't do anything.
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Number four, connect that training to imposter syndrome
5:29
and explain that imposter thoughts often come from
5:35
outsourcing our worth to whoever is in the
5:39
room.
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Number five, I describe how imposter syndrome sounds
5:44
in real life with thoughts like, I am
5:47
the least qualified here, or I slipped in
5:49
by accident.
5:51
Number six, I point out that those thoughts
5:54
all assume someone else is the judge of
5:57
whether we belong, which keeps us small and
6:02
silent.
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I think that can hurt some people because,
6:05
you know, when you feel small or you
6:06
feel silent, you don't think you can do
6:08
anything.
6:08
But that's not true.
6:10
It's your thoughts that are doing this to
6:12
you.
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Number seven, define choosing yourself as taking back
6:17
the role of deciding you belong instead of
6:20
waiting for other people to stamp your permission
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slip.
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You don't need that.
6:29
Number eight, contrast living like a contestant who
6:35
waits to be discovered with living like a
6:40
contributor who shows up to serve no matter
6:43
who is watching.
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That's the important thing.
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You don't do it for an audience.
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You do it because of you.
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That's a really key step, guys.
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Number nine, I challenge each and every one
6:58
of you.
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The first lie, that if you are really
7:04
good people, you'll magically find the you without
7:11
ever raising your hand.
7:14
It's an alignment that happens with our mind
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and with our body.
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And I think that's a very important step
7:20
of life.
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Number 10, explaining that staying invisible does not
7:26
make you humble.
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It just makes you hard to help and
7:30
hard to support.
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And when we think about support, that confuses
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a lot of people because they don't think
7:37
they belong.
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And that causes a whole problem, right?
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A whole problem that maybe you weren't aware
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of.
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And that problem comes down to a lot
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of things.
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A lot of things, guys.
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A lot of things.
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These are important things to know.
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Number 11, I tackle the second lie that
8:06
promoting your work or stepping forward is always
8:09
arrogant and selfish.
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It's not.
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Number 12, I draw the line between arrogance,
8:17
which says I am better than everyone, and
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healthy, visibly, which stays, and says that I
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am willing to serve and willing to be
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seen doing it.
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It's a commitment.
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It's a feeling of life.
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But it's something many people don't realize.
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They don't understand.
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I think that's a big problem for a
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lot of people.
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They don't understand why that's going to happen
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or why that's going to make a difference.
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Why or maybe even how.
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Number 13, I address the third lie that
8:59
if a room does not pick you, it
9:01
means you're not enough and never will be.
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Number 14, I reframe rejection as information about
9:10
timing, fit, and alignment, not a final sentence
9:14
on your values as a human being.
9:17
Number 15, I give listeners a simple three
9:21
-sentence script to use quietly when they walk
9:24
into any room, starting with, I know why
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I'm here.
9:31
Number 16, I add the second sentence, I
9:34
know what I bring to this room.
9:38
Whether that is experience, questions, perspective, or energy.
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Number 17, I add the third sentence for
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you.
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I choose myself whether anyone here notices me
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or not so their presence does not depend
9:51
on constant praise.
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People that are looking for constant praise are
9:56
always going to be disappointed.
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I think that's an important one that many
10:09
people, they don't realize it.
10:12
They don't realize what that means or why
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that means something, right?
10:19
And that why could be something important, right?
10:28
That why could be something important.
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And that's key, guys.
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That's really key for the success of your
10:35
life.
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Number 18, I show how many of us
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keep auditioning in rooms.
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We're already in by constantly wondering, did they
10:45
like me?
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Instead of, how can I help?
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I think sometimes we're already in, but we
10:50
keep trying to find a way that says
10:52
we're out.
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Why do people do that?
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It's absolutely confidence.
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And that confidence can change who you are.
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That's important.
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It's really important.
11:22
Very important.
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I think a lot of people don't understand
11:35
truth.
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A lot of people don't realize, again, that
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you don't need that pat on the back
11:41
to be able to go forward.
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It's nice, but you don't need it.
11:45
You can pat yourself on your own back,
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on your own terms, right?
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I think that's one that many people, again,
11:53
they miss that.
11:55
They miss what that is.
11:57
They miss why that is.
12:00
And so that's what I want to share
12:02
with you guys is that whole concept.
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Number 19, I invite listeners to shift from
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auditioning to contributing by focusing on adding one
12:13
honest thing to the space instead of performing
12:16
for approval.
12:20
That's not hard, but that takes conscious effort,
12:22
doesn't it?
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It's not something you can just copy what
12:25
the Joneses are doing.
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Number 20, I offer a quick in the
12:30
moment process for imposter spikes.
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Name the thought as an imposter moment instead
12:38
of a fact, instead of a fact.
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Number 21, I ask them all to check
12:44
the evidence by asking, am I unqualified or
12:47
simply uncomfortable?
12:48
Because I'm growing beyond my comfort zone.
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I think when we grow beyond our comfort
12:54
zone, the first one, like, oh my gosh,
12:55
is this the right way?
12:56
Are you sure I'm supposed to be here?
12:58
Right?
12:59
That can be, that could be a huge
13:01
thing for a lot of people.
13:03
Like, why am I here?
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Why am I responding this particular way?
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And I think that's something that, again, a
13:09
lot of people don't understand.
13:14
Maybe you're saying to me, John, you know,
13:16
I don't get how this works.
13:21
So I'm just going to do what I
13:23
want.
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Maybe.
13:28
Maybe you won't.
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But the truth of the matter is, are
13:34
you growing?
13:37
Are you regressing?
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Or are you staying the same?
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Are you?
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I mean, that's really the biggest question I
13:49
have for everyone here.
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Are you growing?
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If you're not growing, you should be.
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You should be growing.
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Because that matters the most.
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That matters the most.
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More than anything.
14:17
And that could be something that is crazy.
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Right?
14:25
Crazy because of where things are.
14:29
Of, you know, where they're going.
14:33
Why they're going a certain way.
14:37
Right?
14:38
I think those are very important things to
14:42
note.
14:44
But it comes down to who we are
14:47
and who we believe we are.
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Number 22, guys, I encourage people to take
14:52
one small action anyway.
14:55
Like asking a question.
14:57
Sharing an idea or introducing themselves to one
15:01
person in the room.
15:02
You know, I know that this is scary.
15:04
I know that this is complicated for some
15:06
people.
15:06
Because why, guys?
15:08
You're going to feel uncomfortable.
15:10
You've got to practice getting comfortable, as you
15:12
all know, being uncomfortable.
15:14
That's the key.
15:16
And I said this time in and time
15:18
again, you've got to practice getting comfortable, being
15:20
uncomfortable.
15:22
If you cannot do that, how are you
15:25
ever going to grow?
15:28
How are you ever going to grow?
15:30
How are you going to change where you
15:32
are right now?
15:33
Everything is a perspective, isn't it?
15:40
It's a perspective that changes where people are.
15:46
And that's a very crazy thing, isn't it?
15:52
And I say it's crazy because of one
15:55
thing.
15:56
Because of the fact that you have made
15:59
a difference.
16:03
A difference not just for you.
16:05
A difference for other people.
16:10
And maybe you're going to say to me,
16:11
John, I've been there, done that.
16:14
Okay.
16:15
So you've been there and you've done that.
16:16
But my question is, why are you repeating
16:18
the same thing over and over again that's
16:20
not working?
16:21
And I think the reason you're doing that,
16:23
I'm going to tell you, is one reason.
16:26
Okay.
16:26
It's because you are stuck in a belief
16:31
zone.
16:32
I'm not saying you can't change it, because
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you can.
16:39
If you change your belief zone, you can
16:43
change who you are.
16:52
Think about it for a second.
16:53
If you change your belief zone, you could
16:54
change who you are literally, I don't say
16:58
overnight, but relatively quickly.
17:02
So the question I have for you is,
17:05
why are you continuing down that same pathway?
17:11
Is it because it feels comfortable?
17:14
Is it because it's easy?
17:17
Is it because maybe you feel this is
17:21
where you need to go?
17:24
I don't know.
17:26
You tell me what's the reason.
17:31
Comes down to a lot, doesn't it?
17:35
Comes down to truth, comes down to integrity.
17:45
And maybe you're going to say, that's not
17:47
me.
17:52
Maybe you're going to say that I don't
17:56
get it.
17:56
I don't understand.
17:58
And it's not that you don't understand.
18:00
It's the fact that you don't want to
18:01
apply yourself.
18:03
It's the fact that you're looking for it
18:05
to be warm or cold or comfy.
18:08
And you don't like that it's uncomfortable.
18:12
That's what you don't like.
18:13
You don't like that it is uncomfortable.
18:15
And by being uncomfortable, that's a problem.
18:18
That is a very, very big problem.
18:27
It's a big, big problem.
18:30
A problem that is for everyone.
18:47
What does that mean to you?
18:51
It means a lot.
18:57
What does it mean for you?
19:01
It means that you have the ability.
19:05
You have the ability, ladies and gentlemen.
19:08
You have that ability right now.
19:11
But some of you are stuck in, well,
19:17
your own pathway, your own pathway.
19:28
Why?
19:31
Because you are.
19:38
That can be a very interesting thing.
19:57
What does that mean?
20:02
It means that something is crazy, but you
20:06
can make a difference, right?
20:12
Maybe you're saying to me, John, this doesn't
20:14
make sense to me.
20:18
I'm just saying maybe.
20:20
Does it have to mean that?
20:22
No.
20:24
It doesn't have to mean that, but it
20:29
should, right?
20:31
Or it could.
20:34
Number 23.
20:36
I talk about including yourself before the perfect
20:40
invitation arrives.
20:42
Knocking on doors you respect instead of waiting
20:45
to be discovered behind the scenes.
20:48
I think a lot of people get upset
20:50
because they're not found, right?
20:57
I think that's an important piece.
21:08
That's an important thing, guys.
21:13
It's a very important thing that many people,
21:16
again, do not, do not realize.
21:22
And the reason they don't realize it is
21:24
because their perception is not in alignment with
21:28
it.
21:29
That's the real truth.
21:30
Number 24.
21:32
I suggest practical moves like volunteering for projects,
21:35
joining conversations, sending the first message, or submitting
21:39
the application you keep saying, I'm going to
21:43
save it for later.
21:44
I'm too busy to do this now.
21:47
Okay.
21:50
How does it work?
21:54
I think it works by you understanding where
21:58
you're going.
22:01
I think that's how it works the best,
22:04
right?
22:06
It means a lot, doesn't it?
22:09
Number 25, guys.
22:11
I invite listeners to identify one specific room
22:14
they secretly dream about, whether that is a
22:17
stage, a company, a table, or even a
22:21
community.
22:23
Focus on it.
22:25
Number 26.
22:27
Helping you see that the biggest barrier is
22:30
often permission and that a lot of them
22:33
have been waiting for that room to choose
22:35
them instead of choosing themselves first.
22:38
And I think when we can't choose for
22:40
ourself, then we get stuck because we're waiting
22:45
for someone else, but that someone else never
22:48
comes to choose us.
22:51
And it diminishes our ego.
22:56
It diminishes our confidence, right?
23:00
That's an important thing to understand.
23:05
Number 27.
23:06
I challenge people to shift their posture from
23:10
beggar to peer in progress.
23:14
Walking toward those rooms with respect, but not
23:18
with desperation.
23:19
I think too many times when people network,
23:21
you can smell the blood of desperation on
23:23
them.
23:24
And you're afraid to be near them because
23:27
they appear too desperate.
23:31
That's an important one.
23:33
Number 28.
23:35
I give three concrete ways to choose people's
23:41
selves this week.
23:43
Speaking about their work with clarity.
23:47
Prepare like someone who belongs and follow up
23:50
like someone who is serious, not someone who's
23:53
just kicking some tires, right?
23:56
Number 29.
23:57
I remind people that choosing yourself does not
24:00
mean ignoring others.
24:02
What does it mean?
24:03
It means you are less threatened and more
24:06
able to celebrate other people while standing in
24:10
your own value.
24:13
Everyone in this world has value.
24:18
You do.
24:19
You may not know you do, but you
24:20
have value.
24:22
And if you don't know you have value,
24:24
then that could be the thing that's keeping
24:26
you from becoming a success.
24:30
Everybody has value.
24:35
Everyone has value.
24:37
Everyone.
24:42
And that everyone is something that I think
24:45
a lot of people don't realize that everyone
24:48
has a value.
24:50
Number 30.
24:52
I tie everything back to the weekly theme
24:54
here of answering the call by naming this
24:58
as the call to belong on purpose.
25:02
You have to do this intentionally, guys.
25:06
Stop waiting to be picked and start choosing
25:09
yourself in every room.
25:12
As you do that, you'll realize one thing,
25:16
that I'm valuable.
25:18
Not only am I valuable, people want me.
25:21
And suddenly, you become the greatest thing, not
25:27
because of the things you do, but because
25:30
of the belief and value you exert.
25:33
That's a key, guys.
25:34
That's a key.
25:36
And you might be saying, John, I don't
25:38
believe this.
25:39
Well, you could say you don't believe it.
25:41
Right?
25:41
You could say that.
25:43
But is it the key?
25:44
Is it the strategy?
25:59
I think sometimes we get discouraged on the
26:04
way because we're not where we want to
26:05
be.
26:07
And not being where we want to be,
26:09
I think, can cause, it can cause a
26:12
big problem for us.
26:13
Why?
26:15
Well, because people don't necessarily understand that.
26:19
They understand that they have the power.
26:23
As I get ready to close today out,
26:25
I want to remind you that your life
26:27
is not an endless audition.
26:30
And you were not put here to spend
26:34
your days hoping someone in every room decides
26:40
that you finally count.
26:41
Because you see, guys, that doesn't matter.
26:45
What matters is your belief.
26:50
And I invite you, ladies and gentlemen, to
26:54
answer the call by deciding to choose yourself,
26:58
appearing like you belong, contributing like you actually
27:05
matter, and walking into the rooms you dream
27:10
about as a peer in progress, not as
27:16
an accident.
27:18
And I think when we succumb to this
27:21
realization, our potential becomes limited, less, limitless.
27:29
Our belief is a hurdle.
27:34
So if we can get rid of our,
27:36
change our belief, we can change our outcome.
27:40
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John C.
27:43
Morley.
27:44
And I thank you so much for choosing
27:46
to join me on Answering the Call and
27:49
inviting you to follow and subscribe so you
27:52
do not miss the next episode where we
27:54
continue to build a life that is aligned
27:57
with who you truly are.
28:00
Check out BelieveMeAchieve.com for more of my
28:02
amazing, inspiring creations.
28:03
Be well, everyone.