Latest / Becoming Irresistible / Season 2, Episode 23: Turn Jealousy into Your Irresistibility Superpower

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Season 2, Episode 23: Turn Jealousy into Your Irresistibility Superpower · Becoming Irresistible

• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Becoming Irresistible.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jay.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about something that I think is quite overlooked, and I want to stop and dwell on it for a minute.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, we do spend a lot of time thinking about this, but not in the way I think we should.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this topic is about jealousy.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: All of us have experienced jealousy at some point in our life.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And what I'm offering here is that maybe the next time you're jealous of somebody, don't just try to talk yourself out of it.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think actually what you're doing is throwing away really useful information.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of us have been taught that jealousy is bad and it's something we're not supposed to feel.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we're supposed to remind ourselves in that moment to be grateful.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're supposed to stop comparing ourselves to other people and just tell yourself that everybody has their own journey.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And all of those things are really well-intentioned.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: But what if before we actually got rid of jealousy, we started to look at it a little differently?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, have you ever pondered why it's there?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I know what you're gonna say.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's there because I want what they have.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I want their life, I want their clothes, I want their car, I want their boyfriend, I want their girlfriend, I want their life.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I want things to be as easy for me as it is for them.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want all the things they have that I don't have.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and we already know why the jealousy is there because somebody is living the life that you would love to be living.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what our whole podcast, this whole concept of my irresistible life is about.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's really about learning how to gear your life towards one where you don't really want to be anyone but yourself.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I'm talking about when I say, why is it here?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Not just that you're thinking, oh, I want what they have.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's surface-level understanding.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's worth looking further into because sometimes jealousy points directly towards something that you want, but you haven't yet admitted to yourself that you want.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the very last time you felt jealous of somebody, and I'm not talking about some enormous life-altering jealousy.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: It can be something even tiny.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe someone you know got a promotion, or maybe somebody bought a beautiful house, or maybe someone's child got into their perfect school, right?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you see somebody on Instagram who's traveling and getting paid to do it, right?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe someone you know suddenly looks incredible.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And GLP one or not, you wish that could be you.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe somebody else you know launched a business, wrote a book, got married, had a baby, won an award, or got invited somewhere that you wanted to be invited, and you feel that little feeling, that feeling that you know so well.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then you try to correct yourself.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, I'm happy for them.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe those two feelings can actually exist at the same time.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you can genuinely be happy that something wonderful happened to another person and still feel something uncomfortable inside yourself.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of immediately trying to become a better person and getting rid of the jealousy, I want you to become curious about it.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Let's let's dig deeper about it.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: What exactly are you jealous of?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I know you we said, you know, I want what they have, but what exactly about what they have do you want?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: If they bought a new house, is it that they are now a grown-up and are doing the things that you believe a person should be doing at this point in their life?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it because they have their own space and they have a freedom to do things the way they like to do them?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it because you feel they've reached a certain financial level in their life that you haven't gotten to yet?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: What exactly is it that you're jealous of?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get really specific.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And let's not judge ourselves for being jealous.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, if somebody loses a loved one, do we judge them for feeling sad or crying or grieving?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: No, those are all valid feelings.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So do we have to judge ourselves for being jealous?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, but let's harness it and use it in a way that's productive for us.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Grieving is a very productive emotion and allows us to process something tragic.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: It allows us to move forward in life when it seems impossible.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And jealousy can serve purposes too.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of sitting there thinking, why am I such a jealous person?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get more specific.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get information from that feeling.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: What exactly is it that you're jealous of?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: What exactly do you want?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Dissect that jealousy.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: What about that particular thing is making you jealous?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I really feel like nowadays because it it's so unacceptable to feel jealous that we push it off the first second we feel it.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: If your friend gets a promotion, is it that you're jealous because you want their job?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, maybe you do, maybe you don't, maybe you don't want their job at all.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe what really is bothering you is that people are recognizing that person as successful and they haven't recognized you.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you want the huge race that gives you more financial freedom.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe it's that they get to call the the shots and make decisions.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas you're still subject to other people making the decisions for you.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe what you're really jealous of is the autonomy.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe this one, which can be very common in a lot of situations, maybe what you're jealous of is that they were chosen.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you want to feel chosen.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: All of these are very different desires.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why jealousy can be so interesting if we give ourselves the opportunity to sit in it for a moment and really look at what information it's providing.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because the person you're jealous of and the thing you want are not necessarily the same thing.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: That person may simply have exposed this underlying issue for you, and you didn't even know it was there until you saw somebody else have it.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine you're scrolling to Instagram and somebody you know is in Italy, beautiful hotel, beautiful clothes, amazing dinner, and they're standing somewhere overlooking the Mediterranean, looking like they have absolutely no problems, and you think, God, I wish I had their life.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Do you?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you do, but maybe you don't want their life at all.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you don't even want to travel that much.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe what you're really looking at is the spontaneity because your life has become so predictable.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: You're stuck in work and home and responsibilities, and that picture wakes something up in you that you miss adventure because you don't then need that life.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: What you need is more adventure in your life.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Are you starting to follow?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Are you starting to follow how jealousy can be a useful tool to point us in the direction of what we decide to do in our lives?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there's something I think we get wrong with desire in general.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: We identify the object and we just stop.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I want the house, I want the relationship, I want the body, I want the job, right?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath almost every object is an expectation.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: We think that having that thing is gonna make us feel something.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: If we have the money or the house, we're gonna feel safe.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: If we have the followers, we're gonna feel free and important.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: If we have the body, we're gonna feel desired.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So ask, what do I think having what they have would give to me?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that second question can completely change how you look at jealousy.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe a friend of yours is getting married and you conclude, I want to get married.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe what hits you when you look at them isn't actually the wedding or even marriage.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just that somebody stood in front of everyone and said, I'm choosing this person.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: And what you're really longing for is the experience of being chosen.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's important because otherwise we can spend years chasing the wrong solution to a specific desire that we want.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to the really uncomfortable question.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Once you've figured out what you actually want, consider.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want the actual cost?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because jealousy has an interesting feature.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: It tends to show us the result or the reward without showing us what it actually took to get there.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: You see somebody with an incredible body.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Would you like that body?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: But would you like their training schedule, their 5 a.m.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: workouts, and that they skip every dessert?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: We don't really know the cost.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes would we want the cost?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sometimes.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes absolutely not.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can see a celebrity, a famous musician, and think, I want to be famous like that.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Everywhere I go, people recognize me and want my autograph.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to eat at the best restaurants, and I can afford anything I want.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: But what is the cost of that?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: That they have to keep tour dates, sometimes performing on their birthdays or on holidays are important where they can't spend time with their family?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes not being able to take a sick day because instead of missing a day at work and and having to make up their work, they would have to refund 50,000 people their concert tickets.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe sometimes if they are sick, they can't take time to rest because they have to perform.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe if they wanted just to go somewhere and not have to be all dressed up and take time to dress up, they wouldn't be able to do it because it would hurt their image.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: So are those things that you would really want?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a lot of you in the beginning would have said, Yeah, of course I want that fame, I want that celebrity.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: But after thinking about these things, how many of you actually want it?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's a high cost, and some people will still say yes, but a lot of us, when we think about the cost, we don't always really want what they have.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Also, imagine that people are hanging on your every word because you're that important.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: But also remember that they're hanging on your every word, looking for ways to misinterpret them.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So everything that we see has a cost to it.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we can't fully understand it when we're standing outside of it.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: But we can consider the costs and what it really might be like when we feel jealousy.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when you do say, I'm willing to pay the price for that, that's really powerful information because sometimes you can discover this is what I really want.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, what you're jealous of isn't always the whole picture.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody got a promotion, maybe the part you want is autonomy, right?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Not that you actually want that job and that raise and recognition.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe all you want is the freedom to call the shots.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really powerful because that's something that you can actually act on.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And there's something else.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: You may want the reward for what they have, but you may not want to do it the way somebody else did.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you envy someone who built a huge company, but you don't want to work 80 hours a week.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the conclusion doesn't have to be, well, then I guess I don't want success.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the question becomes: is there another path to the thing that I actually want?
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you don't want a huge company.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you want just financial independence.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's not that you actually want to travel all the time, it's that you want something new.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: You want a new adventure.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you don't even want fame.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: What you want is impact, right?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: So once you separate the underlying reward from the form it happens to be taking in someone else's life, now you have options.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the part where jealousy stops controlling you and stops being such a bad thing to experience because now you're no longer reacting to somebody else's life.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: You get to start designing yours.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And guess where it started?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: In a moment of jealousy.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now jealousy becomes your secret weapon.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to hurt anybody in the process.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: We have to be careful of though.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Jealousy becomes your secret weapon.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you had this super spy that came in and told you information that's going to really change the course of events in your life.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I make an important distinction here.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that jealousy may not tell you accurate information.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just like your super spy can come in and tell you things that aren't true.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: We can't always trust the information that jealousy is giving us.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: If jealousy is telling you that person is so young they can do things that I can't do anymore, and that you're too old to do something, maybe you have to sit down and assess if that's really true.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: So jealousy, again, is data, data we can use to our advantage.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: But we also have to understand that doesn't mean it's the truth always.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: So often when we get those interpretations of jealousy that are not accurate, it's because it's triggering a threat in us.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to then ask ourselves when jealousy is a desire and when jealousy is a threat.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: And is there a way you can actually distinguish between the two?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: There's a question that might be able to help you do that.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine yourself having what that person has.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Does the jealousy settle down or go away?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Try it.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine someone gets into the program or team, gets on the team that you want to be on.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: And imagine now that you also got in.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: What happens?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: If the jealousy disappears immediately, there's a good chance that the emotion is connected to your own desires, right?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: I want that too.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: But suppose somebody gets praised at work, and you imagine yourself getting exactly the same praise, and somehow you're still bothered that they got it.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now there might be something else going on.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you feel competitive with this particular person.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you believe there's only so much recognition to go around, or maybe that their success feels like some kind of evidence about your value.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe there's actually a relationship dynamic underneath it.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's some different information that requires a different response.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because when jealousy is about desire, it's information we can use to point us toward a goal.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: But when jealousy is more of a threat, that means it could be pointing towards an insecurity, right?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's pointing towards fear.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's pointing towards a relationship you don't feel good about or secure in.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the mistake is treating all of those things as if they're the same.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say you ask the question and you realize you really do want this, great.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now something really interesting happens.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: The person that you're actually jealous of can become your teacher in getting the thing that you actually want.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that really cool?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Think about how different these questions can feel.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like why does she or he get to have that versus what did she or he do that I can learn from?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Or is he or she willing to teach me how to do that?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: What a cool and amazing thing we can learn from jealousy.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Same person, same achievement, but now you can hold a whole different relationship to it.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now instead of seeing somebody that bothers you, you could see somebody who holds the key to what you want.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that means that that person suddenly is someone you can build a relationship with.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can find out what they did, you can ask them to teach you skills, you can find out what the pitfalls were when they were trying to do that.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to copy them and you don't have to become them, you don't even have to like them, right?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's another thing that's really funny.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, think back to your school days.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Did you like all your teachers?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, your teachers don't always have to be people you admire or hold in high regard or esteem or be best friends with.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it happens, but sometimes somebody you can't stand still teaches you something extremely valuable.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if they've created a result that you want, there's information there to be learned.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Take the information and leave the rest.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: There is one trap though I want to talk about.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Once you identify somebody who has what you want, it's very easy to start copying all the visible parts of what they did.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not always useful.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: You see somebody's business explode after they start posting every day, so you think I need to post every day.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe posting every day wasn't the reason their business grew.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they spent 10 years building expertise before you ever noticed them.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe they had relationships that amplified the content.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe their personality and lifestyle fits that strategy and yours doesn't.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: So don't just ask, what did they do?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Ask.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: What was the function of what they did?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: What problem did that behavior solve?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: And what capability did they build?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: What opportunities did it create?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: What other steps did they take that might have created the same opportunity?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because then you can find a version that actually fits you.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get pigeonholed into thinking that what one person does is always the right way or the only way to get what it is you want.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you're not trying to reproduce somebody else's life.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're just trying to extract information about it that can be useful to you building your own.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the point where jealousy becomes more than just data.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: It either becomes a useful tool or it doesn't.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you have information doesn't always make it a useful utility unless you actually apply it.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like any information, knowing it, understanding it still can change absolutely nothing if you don't do anything with it.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: So the question at the end of all of this has to be what am I gonna do with this information?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't have to be dramatic.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to quit your job tomorrow because you're jealous of your friend who loves theirs.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe you spend 30 minutes researching a different field.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Something that gives you that quality, that thing that you found that you're jealous of.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe if you are jealous of the autonomy they got because of their promotion, maybe you look for managerial positions, right?
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to book a month in Europe just because somebody's vacation made you realize you're so bored.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you just put one interesting new activity on your calendar this weekend, and it doesn't even have to be something that costs money.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: You can just go have a picnic somewhere.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to start a company because somebody else made you realize you want more financial freedom.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you just start putting aside a tiny bit of money every week.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: That gives you more flexibility and choices.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, the action just has to move in the direction of that information that you've obtained.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, the jealousy just stays trapped as a comparison with you and that other person.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when jealousy becomes miserable.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: You repeatedly showing yourself something you want and doing nothing to move towards it will make you miserable.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I want you to try: a jealousy experiment.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: The next time jealousy shows up, don't immediately suppress it, but don't feed it.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, jealousy already has enough passion behind it.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to start building a case for why the other person doesn't deserve what they have or diminish their achievement so you can feel better.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just stop and ask yourself, what exactly am I jealous of?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then what do I think having it would give to me?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, is that actually what I want?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if it is, then ask, do I want the costs that come with it?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: If the answer is no, ask yourself, is there another way to create the underlying thing that I want?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: But if the answer is yes, and you realize I do want this and I'm willing to work for it and pay the cost, then there's one more question you can ask.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: What can I learn from the person who activated this feeling in me?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And all of that to lead to what is one thing I can start doing now?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Not someday and not when your life becomes easier, but something you can actually do.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, jealousy doesn't have to make you smaller.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: There is a version of jealousy that makes us smaller when we watch somebody else succeed and somehow turn their success into evidence that we're failing when we resent them and when we criticize them and when we explain away what they've accomplished, or turn the whole thing inward and start criticizing ourselves.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: But there's another version of jealousy that can really empower us when somebody else's life can reveal something about yours, when their success can expose a desire that you've been ignoring, when their freedom can show you where you feel trapped in your life, and when their courage can show you where you've been afraid.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: And none of that requires you to become them, requires you to pay attention to what happened inside when you saw them.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the big takeaway from this.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't to become somebody who never feels jealous.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's not really particularly useful because we all know it's gonna happen.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is to become somebody who knows what to do with that jealousy when it appears.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of I shouldn't feel this, try.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Why did that affect me?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: What is it touching in me?
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: What does it represent?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something here I want?
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something that I'm afraid of?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something here that I've been pretending doesn't matter to me when it does?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: And is there something I can do about it?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because that person you're jealous of isn't standing in your way.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they're just standing a few steps ahead of you, accidentally, accidentally showing you where you want to go.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's what your jealousy is telling you, then don't waste it.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: So take that tool into your toolbox full of principles of irresistibility.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: We teach in all the episodes of podcasts and in our online programs.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: I love teaching these things because I really believe that everybody should live their own irresistible life.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it would fix so many problems in our world.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think it would lead to happier people, kinder people, healthier people, and a much greater world to live in.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: So please share with anyone you feel could benefit from this, and I can't wait to see you back in our next episode of Becoming Irresistible.