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02 - Nightmare Tales by Helena Petrovna Blavatsky · Nightmare Tales

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Speaker 1: Section one of Nightmare Tales by Helena P. P. Blavatsky.
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Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Read by
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Speaker 1: Ben Tucker, A Bewitched Life, as narrated by A quill Pin,
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Speaker 1: Part one introduction. It was a dark, chilly night in
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Speaker 1: September eighteen eighty four. A heavy gloom had descended over
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Speaker 1: the streets of a a small town on the Rhine,
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Speaker 1: and was hanging like a black funeral pall over the
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Speaker 1: dull factory burg. The greater number of its inhabitants, wearied
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Speaker 1: by their long day's work, had hours before retired to
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Speaker 1: stretch their tired limbs and lay their aching heads upon
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Speaker 1: their pillows. All was quiet in the large house, All
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Speaker 1: was quiet in the deserted streets. I too, was lying
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Speaker 1: in my bed alas not one of rest, but of
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Speaker 1: pain and sickness, to which I had been confined for
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Speaker 1: some days. So still was everything in the house that,
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Speaker 1: as Longfellow has it, its stillness siemed almost audible. I
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Speaker 1: could plainly hear the murmur of the blood as it
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Speaker 1: rushed through my aching body, producing that monotonous singing so
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Speaker 1: familiar to one who lends a watchful ear to silence.
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Speaker 1: I listened to it until, in my nervous imagination it
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Speaker 1: had grown into the sound of a distant cataract, the
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Speaker 1: fall of mighty waters. When, suddenly changing its character, the
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Speaker 1: ever growing singing merged into other and far more welcome sounds.
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Speaker 1: It was the low and at first scarce, audible whisper
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Speaker 1: of a human voice. It approached and gradually strengthening, seemed
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Speaker 1: to speak in my very ear. Thus sounds of voice
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Speaker 1: speaking across a blue quiescent lake in one of those
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Speaker 1: wondrously acoustic gorges of the snow capped mountains, where the
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Speaker 1: air is so pure that a word pronounced half a
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Speaker 1: mile off seems almost at the elbow. Yes, it was
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Speaker 1: the voice of one whom to know is to reverence
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Speaker 1: of one, to me, owing to many mystical associations, most
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Speaker 1: dear and holy, A voice familiar for long years than
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Speaker 1: ever welcome, doubly so in hours of mental or physical suffering,
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Speaker 1: for it always brings with it a ray of hope
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Speaker 1: and consolation courage. It whispered in gentle, mellow tones, Think
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Speaker 1: of the days passed by you, in sweet associations, of
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Speaker 1: the great lessons received of nature's truths of the many
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Speaker 1: errors of men concerning these truths, and try to add
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Speaker 1: to them the experience of a night in this city.
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Speaker 1: Let the narrative of a strange life that will interest
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Speaker 1: you help to shorten the hours of suffering. Give your attention.
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Speaker 1: Look yonder before you. Yonder meant the clear, large windows
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Speaker 1: of an empty house on the other side of the
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Speaker 1: narrow street of the German town. They faced my own
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Speaker 1: in almost a straight line across the street, and my
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Speaker 1: bed faced the windows of my sleeping room. Obedient to
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Speaker 1: the suggestion, I directed my gaze toward them, and what
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Speaker 1: I saw made me, for the time being, forget the
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Speaker 1: agony of the pain that racked my swollen arm and
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Speaker 1: rheumatical body. Over the windows was creeping amist, a dense, heavy,
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Speaker 1: serpentine whitish mist that looked like the huge shadow of
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Speaker 1: a gigantic boa. Slowly uncoiling its body, gradually, it disappeared
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Speaker 1: to leave a lustrous light, soft and silvery, as though
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Speaker 1: the window panes behind reflected a thousand moonbeams a tropical
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Speaker 1: starlit sky. First from outside, then from within the empty rooms. Next,
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Speaker 1: I saw the mist elongating itself and throwing as it
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Speaker 1: were a ferrybridge across the street from the bewitched windows
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Speaker 1: to my own balcony, nay, to my very own bed.
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Speaker 1: As I continued gazing, the wall and windows and the
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Speaker 1: opposite house itself suddenly vanished. The space occupied by the
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Speaker 1: empty rooms had changed into the interior of another smaller room,
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Speaker 1: and what I knew to be a Swiss chalet into
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Speaker 1: a study whose old, dark walls were covered from floor
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Speaker 1: to ceiling with book shells, on which were many antiquated folios,
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Speaker 1: as well as works of a more recent date. In
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Speaker 1: the center stood a large old fashioned table littered over
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Speaker 1: with manuscripts and writing materials. Before it, quilpin in hand,
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Speaker 1: sat an old man, a grim looking skeleton like personage,
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Speaker 1: with a face so thin, so pale, yellow and emaciated,
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Speaker 1: that the light of the solitary little student's lamp was
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Speaker 1: reflected in two shining spots on his high cheek bones,
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Speaker 1: as though they were carved out of ivory. As I
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Speaker 1: tried to get a better view of him by slowly
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Speaker 1: raising myself upon my pillows, the whole vision, chalet and
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Speaker 1: study desk, books and scribe seemed to flicker and move.
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Speaker 1: Once set in motion. They approached nearer and nearer, until
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Speaker 1: gliding noiselessly along the fleecy bridge of clouds across the street.
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Speaker 1: They floated through the closed windows into my room, and
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Speaker 1: finally seemed to settle beside my bed. Listen to what
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Speaker 1: he thinks and is going to write, said in soothing tones,
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Speaker 1: the same familiar, far off and yet near voice. Thus
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Speaker 1: you will hear a narrative, the telling of which may
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Speaker 1: help to shorten the long sleepless hours, and even make
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Speaker 1: you forget for a while your pain. Try, it added,
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Speaker 1: using the well known rosicrucion and cabalistic formula. I tried
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Speaker 1: doing as I was bid. I centered all my attention
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Speaker 1: on the solitary, laborious figure that I saw before me,
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Speaker 1: but which did not see me. At first, the noise
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Speaker 1: of the quill pen with which the old man was
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Speaker 1: writing suggested to my mind nothing more than a low,
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Speaker 1: whispered murmur of a nondescript nature. Then gradually my ear
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Speaker 1: caught the indistinct words of a faint and distant voice,
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Speaker 1: and I thought the figure before me, bending over its manuscript,
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Speaker 1: was reading its tale aloud instead of writing it. But
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Speaker 1: I soon found out my error for casting my gaze
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Speaker 1: at the old scribe's face, I saw at a glance
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Speaker 1: that his lips were compressed and motionless, and the voice
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Speaker 1: too thin and shrill to be his voice. Stranger Still,
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Speaker 1: at every word traced by the feeble aged hand, I
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Speaker 1: noticed a light flashing from under his pen, a bright
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Speaker 1: colored spark that became instantaneously a sound, or what is
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Speaker 1: the same thing? It seemed to do so to my
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Speaker 1: inner perceptions, it was indeed the small voice of the
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Speaker 1: quill that I heard, Though scribe and pen were at
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Speaker 1: the same time, perchance hundreds of miles away from Germany.
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Speaker 1: Such things will happen occasionally, especially at night, beneath whose
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Speaker 1: starry shade, as Byron tells us, we learn the language
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Speaker 1: of another world. However it may be, the words uttered
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Speaker 1: by the quill remained in my memory for days after,
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Speaker 1: nor had I any great difficulty in retaining them. For
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Speaker 1: when I sat down to record the story, I found it,
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Speaker 1: as usual, indelibly impressed on the astral tablets before my
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Speaker 1: inner eye. Thus I had but to copy it and
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Speaker 1: so give it as I received it. I fell to
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Speaker 1: learn the name of the unknown nocturnal writer. Nevertheless, though
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Speaker 1: the reader may prefer to regard the whole story as
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Speaker 1: one made up for the occasion a dream. Perhaps still
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Speaker 1: its incidents will, I hope, prove none the less interesting
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Speaker 1: one the stranger's story. My birthplace is a small mountain hamlet,
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Speaker 1: a cluster of Swiss cottages, hidden deep in a sunny nook,
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Speaker 1: between two tumbled down glaciers and a peak covered with
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Speaker 1: eternal snows thither. Thirty seven years ago, I returned, crippled
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Speaker 1: mentally and physically, to die. If death would only have
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Speaker 1: me the pure invigorating air of my birthplace decided otherwise.
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Speaker 1: I am still alive, perhaps for the purpose of giving
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Speaker 1: evidence to facts I have kept profoundly secret from all,
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Speaker 1: a tale of horror I would rather hide than reveal.
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Speaker 1: The reason for this unwillingness on my part is due
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Speaker 1: to my early education and to subsequent events that gave
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Speaker 1: the lie to my most cherished prejudices. Some people might
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Speaker 1: be inclined to regard these events as providential. I, however,
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Speaker 1: believe in no providence, and yet unable to attribute them
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Speaker 1: to mere chance, I connect them as the ceaseless evolution
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Speaker 1: of effects engendered by certain direct causes, with one primary
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Speaker 1: and fundamental cause from which ensued all that followed a
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Speaker 1: feeble old man, am I now? Yet physical weakness has
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Speaker 1: in no way impaired my mental faculties. I remember the
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Speaker 1: smallest details of that terrible cause which engendered such fatal results.
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Speaker 1: It is these which furnish me with an additional proof
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Speaker 1: of the actual existence of one whom I fain would regard.
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Speaker 1: Oh that I could do so as a creature born
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Speaker 1: of my fancy, the evanescent production of a feverish, horrid dream, Oh,
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Speaker 1: that terrible mild and all forgiving, that saintly and respected being.
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Speaker 1: It was that paragon of all the virtues who embittered
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Speaker 1: my whole existence. It is he who, pushing me violently
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Speaker 1: out of the monotonous but secure groove of daily life,
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Speaker 1: was the first to force upon me the certitude of
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Speaker 1: life hereafter, thus adding an additional horror to one already
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Speaker 1: great enough. With a view to a clearer comprehension of
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Speaker 1: the situation, I must interrupt these recollections with a few
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Speaker 1: words about myself. Oh, how if I could, would I
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Speaker 1: obliterate that hated self? Born in Switzerland of French parents
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Speaker 1: who centered the whole world wisdom and the literary trinity
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Speaker 1: of Voltaire. J. J. Rousseau and d Holbach, and educated
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Speaker 1: in a German university. I grew up a thorough materialist,
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Speaker 1: a confirmed atheist. I could never have even pictured to
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Speaker 1: myself any beings, least of all a being above or
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Speaker 1: even outside visible nature as distinguished from her. Hence I
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Speaker 1: regarded everything that could not be brought under the strictest
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Speaker 1: analysis of the physical senses as a mere chimera a soul.
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Speaker 1: I argued, even supposing man has one, must be material,
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Speaker 1: according to Origins definition incorporeous. The epithet he gave to
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Speaker 1: his God signifies a substance only more subtle than that
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Speaker 1: of physical bodies, of which at best we can form
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Speaker 1: no definite idea. How then, can that of which our
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Speaker 1: senses cannot enable us to obtain any clear knowledge? How
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Speaker 1: can that make itself visible or produce any tangible manifestations? Accordingly,
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Speaker 1: I received the tales of nascent spiritualism with a feeling
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Speaker 1: of utter contempt, and regarded the overtures made by certain
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Speaker 1: priests with derision, often akin to anger. And indeed the
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Speaker 1: latter feeling has never entirely abandoned me. Pascal, in the
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Speaker 1: eighth act of his Thoughts, confesses to a most complete
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Speaker 1: incertitude upon the existence of God. Throughout my life, I
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Speaker 1: too professed a complete certitude as to the non existence
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Speaker 1: of any such extra cosmic being, and repeated with that
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Speaker 1: great thinker the memorable words in which he tells us,
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Speaker 1: I have examined if this God of whom all the
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Speaker 1: world speaks might not have left some marks of himself.
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Speaker 1: I look everywhere, and everywhere I see nothing but obscurity.
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Speaker 1: Nature offers me nothing that may not be a matter
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Speaker 1: of doubt and inquietude. Nor have I found to this
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Speaker 1: day anything that might unsettle me. In precisely similar and
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Speaker 1: even stronger feelings. I have never believed, nor shall I
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Speaker 1: ever believe, in a supreme being. But at the potentialities
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Speaker 1: of man, proclaimed far and wide in the East, powers
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Speaker 1: so developed in some persons as to make them virtually gods.
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Speaker 1: At them, I laugh no more. My whole broken life
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Speaker 1: is a protest against such negation. I believe in such phenomena,
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Speaker 1: and I curse them whenever they come, and by whatsoever
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Speaker 1: means generated. On the death of my parents, owing to
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Speaker 1: an unfortunate law suit, I lost the great part of
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Speaker 1: my fortune, and resolved for the sake of those I
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Speaker 1: loved best, rather than for my own to make another
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Speaker 1: for myself. My elder sister, whom I adored, had married
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Speaker 1: a poor man. I accepted the offer of a rich
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Speaker 1: Hamburg firm and sailed for Japan as its junior partner.
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Speaker 1: For several years. My business went on successfully. I got
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Speaker 1: into the confidence of many influential Japanese, through whose protection
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Speaker 1: I was enabled to travel and transact business in many localities, which,
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Speaker 1: in those days especially were not easily accessible to foreigners.
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Speaker 1: Indifferent to every religion, I became interested in the philosophy
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Speaker 1: of Buddhism, the only religious system I thought worthy of
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Speaker 1: being called philosophical. Thus, in my moments of leisure, I
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Speaker 1: visited the most remarkable temples of Japan, the most important
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Speaker 1: and curious of the ninety six Buddhist monasteries of Kioto
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Speaker 1: I have examined in turn de Buttsu with its gigantic bell,
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Speaker 1: Zionine and a reno, Yaserro, Kai Messu, Higadzi, hung Wansi,
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Speaker 1: and many other famous temples. Several years passed away, and
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Speaker 1: during that whole period I was not cured of my skepticism,
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Speaker 1: nor did I ever contemplate having my opinions on the
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Speaker 1: subject altered. I derided the pretensions of the Japanese bonzes
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Speaker 1: and ascetics as I had those of Christian priests and
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Speaker 1: European spiritualists. I could not believe in the acquisition of
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Speaker 1: powers unknown to and never studied by men of science.
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Speaker 1: Hence I scoffed at all such ideas. The superstitious and
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Speaker 1: atrabilious Buddhist teaching us to shun the pleasures of life,
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Speaker 1: to put to rout one's passions, to render ones self
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Speaker 1: insensible alike to happiness and suffering in order to acquire
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Speaker 1: such chimerical powers seemed supremely ridiculous in my eyes. On
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Speaker 1: a day forever memorable to me, a fatal day, I
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Speaker 1: made the acquaintance of a venerable and or bonds a
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Speaker 1: Japanese priest named Tamura Haidieri. I met him at the
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Speaker 1: foot of the Golden kwan On, and from that moment
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Speaker 1: he became my best and most trusted friend. Notwithstanding my
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Speaker 1: great and genuine regard for him. However, whenever a good
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Speaker 1: opportunity was offered, I never failed to mock his religious convictions,
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Speaker 1: thereby very often hurting his feelings. But my old friend
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Speaker 1: was as meek and forgiving as any true Buddhist's heart
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Speaker 1: might desire. He never resented my impatient sarcasms, even when
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Speaker 1: they were, to say the least of equivocal propriety, and
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Speaker 1: generally limited his replies to the weight and sea kind
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Speaker 1: of protest. Nor could he be brought to seriously believe
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Speaker 1: in the sincerity of my denial of the existence of
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Speaker 1: any God or God's The full meaning of the terms
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Speaker 1: atheism and skepticism was beyond the comprehension of his otherwise
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Speaker 1: extremely intellectual and acute mind. Like certain reverential Christians, he
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Speaker 1: seemed incapable of realizing that any man of sense should
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Speaker 1: prefer the wise conclusions arrived at by phalas sophy in
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Speaker 1: modern science to a ridiculous belief in an invisible world
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Speaker 1: full of gods and spirits, genns and demons. Man is
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Speaker 1: a spiritual being, he insisted, who returns to Earth more
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Speaker 1: than once, and is rewarded or punished in the between times.
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Speaker 1: The proposition that man has nothing else but a heap
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Speaker 1: of organized dust was beyond him. Like Jeremy Collier, he
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Speaker 1: refused to admit that he was no better than a
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Speaker 1: stocking machine, a speaking head without a soul in it,
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Speaker 1: whose thoughts are all bound by the laws of motion.
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Speaker 1: For he argued, if my actions were, as you say,
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Speaker 1: prescribed beforehand, and I had no more liberty or free
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Speaker 1: will to change the course of my action than the
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Speaker 1: running waters of the river, yonder than the glorious doctrine
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Speaker 1: of karma, of merit and demerit would be a foolishness. Indeed,
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Speaker 1: thus the whole of my hyper metaphysical friends ontology rested
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Speaker 1: on the shaky superstructure of metempsychosis, of a fancied just
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Speaker 1: law of retribution, and other such equally absurd dreams. We cannot,
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Speaker 1: said he paradoxically, one day hope to live hereafter in
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Speaker 1: the full enjoyment of our consciousness, unless we have built
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Speaker 1: for it beforehand a firm and solid foundation of spirituality. Nay, laugh,
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Speaker 1: not friend of no faith, he meekly pleaded. But rather
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Speaker 1: think and reflect on this, One who has never taught
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Speaker 1: himself to live in spirit during his conscious and responsible
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Speaker 1: life on earth can hardly hope to enjoy a sentient
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Speaker 1: existence after death. When deprived of his body, he is
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Speaker 1: limited to that spirit alone. What can you mean by
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Speaker 1: life in spirit? I inquired life on a spiritual plane,
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Speaker 1: that which the Buddhists call toshita davaloca paradise. Man can
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Speaker 1: create such a blissful existence for himself between two births
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Speaker 1: by the gradual transference on to that plain of all
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Speaker 1: the facties which, during his sojourn on earth manifest through
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Speaker 1: his organic body and as you call it, animal brain.
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Speaker 1: How absurd and how can man do this? Contemplation and
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Speaker 1: a strong desire to assimilate the blessed gods will enable
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Speaker 1: him to do so. And if man refuses this intellectual
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Speaker 1: occupation by which you mean, I suppose the fixing of
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Speaker 1: the eyes on the tip of his nose, what becomes
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Speaker 1: of him after the death of his body was my
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Speaker 1: mocking question. He will be dealt with according to the
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Speaker 1: prevailing state of his consciousness, of which there are many grades.
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Speaker 1: At best, immediate rebirth, at worst the state of ADRICI
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Speaker 1: a mental hell. Yet one need not be an ascetic
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Speaker 1: to assimilate spiritual life, which will extend to thee hereafter
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Speaker 1: all that is required is to try and approach spirit.
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Speaker 1: How So, even when disbelieving in it, I rejoined. Even
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Speaker 1: so one may disbelieve and yet harbor in one's nature
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Speaker 1: room for doubt, however small that room may be. And
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Speaker 1: thus try one day, were it but for one moment,
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Speaker 1: to open the door of the inner Temple, and this
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Speaker 1: will prove sufficient for the purpose. You are very decidedly
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Speaker 1: poetical and paradoxical, boot Reverend Sir, Will you kindly explain
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Speaker 1: to me a little more of the mystery there is none?
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Speaker 1: Still I am willing suppose for a moment that some
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Speaker 1: unknown temple to which you have never been before, and
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Speaker 1: the existence of which you think you have reasons to deny,
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Speaker 1: is the spiritual plane of which I am speaking. Some
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Speaker 1: one takes you by the hand and leads you toward
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Speaker 1: its entrance. Curiosity makes you open its door and look within.
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Speaker 1: By this simple act, by entering it for one second,
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Speaker 1: you have established an everlasting connection between your consciousness and
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Speaker 1: the temple. You cannot deny its existence any longer nor
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Speaker 1: obliterate the fact of your having entered it. And according
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Speaker 1: to the character and the variety of your work within
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Speaker 1: its holy precints, so will you live in it after
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Speaker 1: your consciousness is severed from its dwelling of flesh. What
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Speaker 1: do you mean, and what is my after death consciousness?
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Speaker 1: If such a thing exists to do with the Temple,
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Speaker 1: it has everything to do with it. Solemnly rejoined the
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Speaker 1: old man, there can be no self consciousness after death
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Speaker 1: outside the Temple of Spirit. That which you will have
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Speaker 1: done within its plane will alone survive. All the rest
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Speaker 1: is false and an illusion. It is doomed to perish
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Speaker 1: in the ocean of Maya. Amused at the idea of
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Speaker 1: living outside one's body, I urged on my old friend
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Speaker 1: to tell me more. Mistaking my meaning, the venerable man
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Speaker 1: willingly consented. Tamora Haidieri belonged to the Great Temple of Zionine,
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Speaker 1: a Buddhist monastery famous not only in all Japan, but
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Speaker 1: also throughout Tibet and China. No other is so venerated Kyoto.
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Speaker 1: Its monks belong to the sect of Zenodou and are
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Speaker 1: considered as the most learned among the many erudite fraternities.
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Speaker 1: They are moreover, closely connected and allied with the Yamabushi,
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Speaker 1: the ascetics or hermits who follow the doctrines of Laosi.
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Speaker 1: No wonder that at the slightest provocation on my part,
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Speaker 1: the priest flew into the highest metaphysics, hoping thereby to
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Speaker 1: cure me of my infidelity. No use repeating here the
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Speaker 1: long rigmarole of the most hopelessly involved and incomprehensible of
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Speaker 1: all doctrines. According to his ideas, we have to train
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Speaker 1: ourselves for the spirituality in another world. As for gymnastics,
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Speaker 1: carrying on the analogy between the temple and the spiritual plane,
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Speaker 1: he tried to illustrate his idea. He had himself worked
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Speaker 1: in the Temple of Spirit two thirds of his life,
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Speaker 1: and given several hours daily to contemplation. Thus he knew
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Speaker 1: that after he had laid aside his mortal casket a
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Speaker 1: mere illusion, he explained, he would, in his spiritual consciousnes
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Speaker 1: live over again every feeling of ennobling joy and divine
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Speaker 1: bliss he had ever had, or ought to have had,
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Speaker 1: only a hundredfold intensified. His work on the spirit plane
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Speaker 1: had been considerable, he said, and he hoped therefore that
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Speaker 1: the wages of the laborer would prove proportionate. But suppose
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Speaker 1: the laborer, as in the example you have just brought forward,
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Speaker 1: in my case, should have no more than opened the
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Speaker 1: temple door out of mere curiosity, had only peeped into
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Speaker 1: the sanctuary, never to set his foot therein again. What then, then,
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Speaker 1: he answered, you would have only this short minute to
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Speaker 1: record in your future self consciousness, and no more. Our
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Speaker 1: life hereafter records and repeats, but the impressions and feelings
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Speaker 1: we have had in our spiritual experiences, and nothing else. Thus, if,
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Speaker 1: instead of reverence at the moment of entering the abode
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Speaker 1: of spirit, you had been harboring in your heart anger, jealousy,
21:57
Speaker 1: or grief, then your future spiritual life would be a
22:01
Speaker 1: sad one. In truth, there would be nothing to record
22:04
Speaker 1: save the opening of a door in a fit of
22:06
Speaker 1: bad temper. How then could it be repeated? I insisted,
22:11
Speaker 1: highly amused. What do you suppose I would be doing
22:14
Speaker 1: before incarnating again? In that case, he said, speaking slowly
22:20
Speaker 1: and weighing every word. In that case, you would have,
22:24
Speaker 1: I fear, only to open and shut the temple door
22:29
Speaker 1: over and over again, during a period, which, however short,
22:34
Speaker 1: would seem to you an eternity. This kind of after
22:38
Speaker 1: death occupation appeared to me at that time so grotesque
22:42
Speaker 1: in its sublime absurdity, that I was seized with an
22:45
Speaker 1: almost inextinguishable fit of laughter. My venerable friend looked considerably
22:50
Speaker 1: dismayed at such a result. Of his metaphysical instruction. He
22:54
Speaker 1: had evidently not expected such hilarity. However, he said nothing,
22:58
Speaker 1: but only sighed and gazed at me with increased benevolence
23:01
Speaker 1: and pity shining in small black eyes. Pray, excuse my laughter,
23:06
Speaker 1: I apologized. But really, now, you cannot seriously mean to
23:10
Speaker 1: tell me that the spiritual state you advocate and so
23:13
Speaker 1: firmly believe in consists only in aping certain things we
23:16
Speaker 1: do in life. Nay, nay, not aping, but only intensifying
23:21
Speaker 1: their repetition, filling the gaps that were unjustly left unfilled
23:26
Speaker 1: during life, in the fruition of our acts and deeds,
23:30
Speaker 1: and of everything performed on the spiritual plane of the
23:33
Speaker 1: one real state. What I said was an illustration, and
23:37
Speaker 1: no doubt for you, who seem entirely ignorant of the
23:40
Speaker 1: mysteries of sole vision, not a very intelligible one. It
23:44
Speaker 1: is myself who am to be blamed. What I sought
23:47
Speaker 1: to impress upon you was that as the spiritual state
23:50
Speaker 1: of our consciousness, liberated from its body, is but the
23:54
Speaker 1: fruition of every spiritual act performed during life. Where an
23:58
Speaker 1: act had been barren, there could be no results expected
24:01
Speaker 1: save the repetition of that act itself. This is all
24:06
Speaker 1: I pray, you may be spared such fruitless deeds and
24:09
Speaker 1: finally may to see certain truths. And, passing through the
24:13
Speaker 1: usual Japanese courtesies of taking leave, the excellent man departed
24:18
Speaker 1: alas alas had I but known at the time what
24:21
Speaker 1: I have learnt since how little would I have laughed
24:24
Speaker 1: and how much more would I have learned? But as
24:27
Speaker 1: the matter stood, the more personal affection and respect I
24:30
Speaker 1: felt for him, the less could I become reconciled to
24:33
Speaker 1: his wild ideas about an after life, and especially as
24:37
Speaker 1: to the acquisition by some men of supernatural powers. I
24:41
Speaker 1: felt particularly disgusted with his reverence for the Yamabushi, the
24:45
Speaker 1: allies of every Buddhist sect in the land. Their claims
24:49
Speaker 1: to the miraculous were simply odious to my notions. To
24:52
Speaker 1: hear every Jap I knew at Kyoto, even to my
24:55
Speaker 1: own partner, the shrewdest of all the business men I'd
24:58
Speaker 1: come across in the East. Mentioning these followers of l'aosay
25:01
Speaker 1: with downcast eyes, reverently folded hands and affirmations of their
25:06
Speaker 1: possessing great and wonderful gifts was more than I was
25:09
Speaker 1: prepared to patiently tolerate in those days. And who were they,
25:13
Speaker 1: after all, these great magicians, with their ridiculous pretensions to
25:17
Speaker 1: super mundane knowledge, These holy beggars, who, as I then thought,
25:21
Speaker 1: purposely dwelled in the recesses of unfrequented mountains and on
25:25
Speaker 1: unapproachable craggy steeps, so as the better to afford no
25:28
Speaker 1: chance to curious intruders of finding them out and watching
25:31
Speaker 1: them in their own dens, simply impudent fortune tellers, Japanese
25:36
Speaker 1: gypsies who sell charms and talismans, and no better. In
25:40
Speaker 1: answer to those who sought to assure me that though
25:42
Speaker 1: the Yamabushi lead a mysterious life, admitting none of the
25:45
Speaker 1: profane to their secrets, they still do accept pupils, however
25:49
Speaker 1: difficult it is for one to become their disciple, and
25:52
Speaker 1: that thus they have living witnesses to the great purity
25:55
Speaker 1: and sanctity of their lives. In answer to such affirmations,
25:58
Speaker 1: I oppose the longest negation, and stood firmly by it.
26:03
Speaker 1: I insulted both masters and pupils, classing them under the
26:07
Speaker 1: same category of fools, when not knaves, And I went
26:10
Speaker 1: so far as to include in this number the Sintos
26:13
Speaker 1: now Scantoism or sinceu faith in the gods and in
26:17
Speaker 1: the way to the gods, that is, belief in the
26:20
Speaker 1: communication between these creatures and men, is a kind of
26:23
Speaker 1: worship of nature's spirits than which nothing can be more
26:26
Speaker 1: miserably absurd. And by placing the Sintos among the fools
26:29
Speaker 1: and knaves of other sect, I gained many enemies. For
26:32
Speaker 1: the Sinto Kanuzi spiritual teachers are looked upon as the
26:36
Speaker 1: highest in the upper classes of society, the mikado himself
26:39
Speaker 1: being at the head of their hierarchy, and the members
26:41
Speaker 1: of the sect belonging to the most cultured and educated
26:44
Speaker 1: men in Japan. These Kenuzi of the Sinto form no
26:49
Speaker 1: caste or class apart, nor do they pass any ort
26:51
Speaker 1: nation at any rate, none known to outsiders, and as
26:55
Speaker 1: they claim publicity, no special privilege or powers, even their
26:58
Speaker 1: dress being in no way eyes different from that of
27:01
Speaker 1: the laity, but are simply in the world's opinion professors
27:04
Speaker 1: and students of occult and spiritual sciences. I very often
27:09
Speaker 1: came in contact with them without in the least suspecting
27:12
Speaker 1: that I was in the presence of such personages two
27:17
Speaker 1: the mysterious Visitor. Years passed, and as time went by,
27:22
Speaker 1: my ineradicable skepticism grew stronger and waxed fiercer every day.
27:27
Speaker 1: I have already mentioned an elder and much beloved sister,
27:31
Speaker 1: my only surviving relative. She had married and had lately
27:35
Speaker 1: gone to live at Nuremberg. I regarded her with feelings
27:38
Speaker 1: more filial than fraternal, and her children were as dear
27:41
Speaker 1: to me as might have been my own at the
27:43
Speaker 1: time of the great catastrophe that in the course of
27:45
Speaker 1: a few days, had made my father lose his large
27:48
Speaker 1: fortune and my mother break her heart. She it was
27:52
Speaker 1: that sweet big sister of mine who had made herself
27:55
Speaker 1: of her own accord, the guardian angel of our ruined family.
27:59
Speaker 1: Out of her great life love for me, her younger brother,
28:01
Speaker 1: for whom she attempted to replace the professors that could
28:04
Speaker 1: no longer be afforded, she had renounced her own happiness.
28:08
Speaker 1: She sacrificed herself in the man she loved by indefinitely
28:11
Speaker 1: postponing their marriage in order to help our father, and
28:14
Speaker 1: chiefly myself, by her undivided devotion. And oh how I
28:19
Speaker 1: loved and reverenced her time, but strengthening this earliest family affection.
28:24
Speaker 1: They who maintained that no atheist as such can be
28:27
Speaker 1: a true friend, an affectionate relative, or a loyal subject utter,
28:32
Speaker 1: whether consciously or unconsciously, the greatest calumny and lie. To
28:37
Speaker 1: say that a materialist grows hard hearted as he grows older,
28:41
Speaker 1: that he cannot love as a believer does, is simply
28:43
Speaker 1: the greatest fallacy. There may be such exceptional cases, it
28:48
Speaker 1: is true, but these are found only occasionally in men
28:51
Speaker 1: who are even more selfish than they are skeptical or
28:55
Speaker 1: vulgarly worldly. But when a man who is kindly disposed
28:59
Speaker 1: in his nature for no selfish motives, but because of
29:04
Speaker 1: reason and love of truth, becomes what is called atheistical,
29:08
Speaker 1: he is only strengthened in his family affections and in
29:11
Speaker 1: his sympathies with his fellow men. All his emotions, all
29:15
Speaker 1: the ardent aspirations towards the unseen and unreachable, all the
29:19
Speaker 1: love which he would otherwise have uselessly bestowed on a
29:22
Speaker 1: suppositional heaven and its God, become now centered with tenfold
29:27
Speaker 1: force upon his loved ones and mankind. Indeed, the atheist's
29:31
Speaker 1: heart alone can know what secret tides of still enjoyment
29:35
Speaker 1: flow when brother's love. It was such holy fraternal love
29:40
Speaker 1: that led me also to sacrifice my comfort and personal
29:43
Speaker 1: welfare to secure her happiness, the felicity of her, who
29:47
Speaker 1: had been more than a mother to me. I was
29:49
Speaker 1: a mere youth when I left home for Hamburg. There,
29:52
Speaker 1: working with all the desperate earnestness of a man who
29:55
Speaker 1: has but one noble object in view to relieve suffering
29:58
Speaker 1: and help those whom he I very soon secured the
30:02
Speaker 1: confidence of my employers, who raised me in consequence to
30:06
Speaker 1: the high post of trust I always enjoyed. My first
30:11
Speaker 1: real pleasure and reward in life was to see my
30:13
Speaker 1: sister married to the man she had sacrificed for my sake,
30:17
Speaker 1: and to help them in their struggle for existence. So
30:20
Speaker 1: purifying and unselfish was this affection of mine for her,
30:23
Speaker 1: that when it came to be shared among her children,
30:26
Speaker 1: instead of losing an intensity by such division, it seemed
30:30
Speaker 1: to only grow the stronger born with the potentiality of
30:33
Speaker 1: the warmest family affection. In me. The devotion for my
30:38
Speaker 1: sister was so great that the thought of burning that
30:41
Speaker 1: sacred fire of love before any idol save that of
30:44
Speaker 1: herself and family never entered my head. This was the
30:48
Speaker 1: only church I recognized, the only church wherein I worshiped
30:53
Speaker 1: at the altar of holy family affection. In fact, this
30:57
Speaker 1: large family of eleven persons, including her husband, was the
31:01
Speaker 1: only tie that attached me to Europe. Twice during a
31:04
Speaker 1: period of nine years, had I crossed the ocean with
31:06
Speaker 1: the sole object of seeing and pressing these dear ones
31:10
Speaker 1: to my heart. I had no other business in the West,
31:13
Speaker 1: and having performed this pleasant duty, I returned each time
31:16
Speaker 1: to Japan to work and toil for them. For their sake,
31:19
Speaker 1: I remained a bachelor, that the wealth I might acquire
31:22
Speaker 1: should go undivided to them alone. We had always corresponded
31:27
Speaker 1: as regularly as the long transit of the then very
31:30
Speaker 1: irregular service of the mail boats would permit. But suddenly
31:33
Speaker 1: there came a break in my letters from home. For
31:36
Speaker 1: nearly a year I received no intelligence, and day by
31:39
Speaker 1: day I became more restless, more apprehensive of some great misfortune.
31:44
Speaker 1: Vainly I looked for a letter, a simple message, and
31:47
Speaker 1: my efforts to account for so unusual a silence were fruitless.
31:51
Speaker 1: Friend said to me one day, to Mura Hidieri, my
31:55
Speaker 1: only confidant friend, consult a holy yamabushi, and you will
31:59
Speaker 1: fill at rest. Of course, the offer was rejected with
32:02
Speaker 1: as much moderation as I could command under the provocation.
32:06
Speaker 1: But as steamer after steamer came in without a word
32:09
Speaker 1: of news, I felt a despair which daily increased in
32:13
Speaker 1: depth and fixity. This finally degenerated into an irrepressible craving,
32:20
Speaker 1: a morbid desire to learn the worst as I then thought.
32:25
Speaker 1: I struggled hard with the feeling, but it had the
32:27
Speaker 1: best of me only a few months before. A complete
32:30
Speaker 1: master of myself, I now became an abject slave to fear.
32:35
Speaker 1: A fatalist of the school of de Holbach, I who
32:38
Speaker 1: had always regarded belief in the system of necessity as
32:42
Speaker 1: being the only promoter of philosophical happiness and as having
32:46
Speaker 1: the most advantageous influence over human weaknesses, I felt a
32:50
Speaker 1: craving for something akin to fortune telling. I gone so
32:54
Speaker 1: far as to forget the first principle of my doctrine,
32:57
Speaker 1: the only one calculated to calm our sorrows to inspire
33:01
Speaker 1: us with a useful submission, namely, a rational resignation to
33:04
Speaker 1: the decrees of blind destiny. With which foolish sensibility causes
33:09
Speaker 1: us so often to be overwhelmed, the doctrine that all
33:13
Speaker 1: is necessary. Yes. Forgetting this, I was drawn into a shameful,
33:17
Speaker 1: superstitious longing, a stupid, disgraceful desire to learn, if not
33:22
Speaker 1: futurity at any rate, that which was taking place at
33:25
Speaker 1: the other side of the globe. My conduct seemed utterly modified.
33:30
Speaker 1: My temperament and aspirations wholly changed, and like a weak,
33:34
Speaker 1: nervous girl, I caught myself straining my mind to the
33:37
Speaker 1: very verge of lunacy, in an attempt to look, as
33:40
Speaker 1: I had been told one could sometimes do, beyond the oceans,
33:43
Speaker 1: and learn at last the real cause of this long,
33:47
Speaker 1: inexplicable silence. One evening at sunset, my old friend, the
33:52
Speaker 1: venerable Bonds to Morah, appeared on the veranda of my
33:56
Speaker 1: low wooden house. I had not visited him for many days,
33:59
Speaker 1: and he had come to know how I was. I
34:01
Speaker 1: took the opportunity to once more sneer it, one whom
34:04
Speaker 1: in reality I regarded with most affectionate respect, with a
34:08
Speaker 1: quivocal taste for which I repented. Almost before the words
34:11
Speaker 1: had been pronounced, I inquired of him, why he had
34:13
Speaker 1: taken the trouble to walk all that distance when he
34:16
Speaker 1: might have learned anything he liked about me by simply
34:19
Speaker 1: interrogating a yamabushi. He seemed a little hurt at first,
34:22
Speaker 1: but after keenly scrutinizing my dejected face, he mildly remarked
34:26
Speaker 1: that he could only insist upon what he advised before.
34:29
Speaker 1: Only one of that holy order could give me consolation
34:32
Speaker 1: in my present state. From that instant, an insane desire
34:36
Speaker 1: possessed me to challenge him to prove his assertions. I defied.
34:40
Speaker 1: I said to him any and every one of his
34:43
Speaker 1: alleged magicians to tell me the name of the person
34:45
Speaker 1: I was thinking of and what he was doing at
34:47
Speaker 1: that moment. He quietly answered that my desire could be
34:50
Speaker 1: easily satisfied. There was a yamabushi two doors from me,
34:54
Speaker 1: visiting a sick shinto. He would fetch him if I
34:57
Speaker 1: only said the word. I said it, and from the
35:00
Speaker 1: moment of its utterance, my doom was sealed. How shall
35:04
Speaker 1: I find words to describe the scene that followed? Twenty
35:07
Speaker 1: minutes after the desire had been so incautiously expressed, an
35:11
Speaker 1: old Japanese uncommonly tall and majestic, for one of that race, pale,
35:16
Speaker 1: thin and emaciated, was standing before me. There Where I
35:20
Speaker 1: had expected to find servile obsequiousness, I only discerned an
35:24
Speaker 1: air of calm and dignified composure, the attitude of one
35:29
Speaker 1: who knows his moral superiority, and therefore scorns to notice
35:32
Speaker 1: the mistakes of those who failed to recognize it. To
35:35
Speaker 1: the somewhat irreverent and mocking questions which I put to him,
35:39
Speaker 1: one after another with feverish eagerness, he made no reply,
35:43
Speaker 1: but gazed on me in silence, as a physician would
35:45
Speaker 1: look at a delirious patient. From the moment he fixed
35:49
Speaker 1: his eyes on mine, I felt, or shall I say, saw,
35:53
Speaker 1: as though it were a sharp ray of light, a thin,
35:55
Speaker 1: silvery thread, shoot out from the intensely black and narrow
35:58
Speaker 1: eyes so deeply sunk in the yellow old face. It
36:02
Speaker 1: seemed to penetrate into my brain and heart like an arrow,
36:05
Speaker 1: and set to work to dig out therefrom every thought
36:08
Speaker 1: and feeling. Yes, I both saw and felt it, and
36:12
Speaker 1: very soon the double sensation became intolerable. To break the spell,
36:16
Speaker 1: I defied him to tell me what he had found
36:18
Speaker 1: in my thoughts. Calmly came the correct answer, extreme anxiety
36:23
Speaker 1: for a female relative, her husband and children, who were
36:26
Speaker 1: inhabiting a house, the correct description of which he gave
36:28
Speaker 1: as though he knew it as well as myself. I
36:31
Speaker 1: turned a suspicious eye upon my friend the Bonds, to
36:34
Speaker 1: whose indiscretions I thought I was indebted for the quick reply, Remembering, however,
36:38
Speaker 1: that Tamora could know nothing of the appearance of my
36:40
Speaker 1: sister's house, that the Japanese are perverbly truthful, and as
36:44
Speaker 1: friends faithful to death. I felt ashamed of my suspicion.
36:49
Speaker 1: To atone for it before my own conscience, I asked
36:52
Speaker 1: the hermit whether he could tell me anything of the
36:54
Speaker 1: present state of that beloved sister of mine. The foreigner
36:59
Speaker 1: was the reply. Would never believe in the words or
37:02
Speaker 1: trust to the knowledge of any person but himself. Were
37:05
Speaker 1: the Yamabushi to tell him, the impression would wear out
37:08
Speaker 1: hardly a few hours later, and the inquirer find himself
37:11
Speaker 1: as miserable as before. There was but one means, and
37:15
Speaker 1: that was to make the foreigner myself see with his
37:18
Speaker 1: own eyes and thus learn the truth for himself. Was
37:22
Speaker 1: the inquirer ready to be placed by a Yamabushi, a
37:25
Speaker 1: stranger to him. In the required state. I had heard
37:28
Speaker 1: in Europe of mesmeriz so nambules and pretenders to clairvoyance,
37:33
Speaker 1: and having no faith in them, I had therefore nothing
37:35
Speaker 1: against the process itself. Even in the midst of my
37:38
Speaker 1: never ceasing mental agony, I could not help smiling at
37:41
Speaker 1: the ridiculous nature of the operation I was willingly submitting to. Nevertheless,
37:47
Speaker 1: I silently bowed consent three psychic magic. The old Yamabushi
37:56
Speaker 1: lost no time. He looked at the setting sun, and,
37:58
Speaker 1: finding probably the Lord Tinzio Daizoh, the spirit who darts
38:03
Speaker 1: his rays, propitious for the coming ceremony, he speedily drew
38:07
Speaker 1: out a little bundle. It contained a small lacquered box,
38:10
Speaker 1: a piece of vegetable paper made from the bark of
38:12
Speaker 1: the mulberry tree, and a pen with which he traced
38:15
Speaker 1: upon the paper a few sentences in the Naiden character,
38:18
Speaker 1: a peculiar style of written language used only for religious
38:21
Speaker 1: and mystical purposes. Having finished, he exhibited from under his
38:27
Speaker 1: clothes a small round mirror of steel of extraordinary brilliancy, and,
38:31
Speaker 1: placing it before my eyes, asked me to look into it.
38:35
Speaker 1: I had not only heard before of these mirrors, which
38:38
Speaker 1: are frequently used in the temples, but I had often
38:40
Speaker 1: seen them. It is claimed that, under the direction and
38:43
Speaker 1: will of instructed priests, there appeared in them the dyes,
38:46
Speaker 1: in the great spirits, who notified the inquiring devotees of
38:50
Speaker 1: their fate. I first imagined that his intention was to
38:53
Speaker 1: evoke such a spirit who would answer my queries. What happened, however,
38:57
Speaker 1: was something of quite a different character. No sooner had I, not,
39:02
Speaker 1: without a last pang of mental squeamishness, produced by a
39:06
Speaker 1: deep sense of my own absurd position, touched the mirror,
39:10
Speaker 1: that I suddenly felt a strange sensation in the arm
39:13
Speaker 1: of the hand that held it. For a brief moment,
39:16
Speaker 1: I forgot to sit in the seat of this scorner,
39:19
Speaker 1: and failed to look at the matter from a ludicrous
39:21
Speaker 1: point of view. Was it fear that suddenly clutched my
39:24
Speaker 1: brain for an instant, paralyzing its activity, That fear, when
39:30
Speaker 1: the heart longs to know what it is death to hear. No,
39:35
Speaker 1: for I still had consciousness enough left to go on
39:38
Speaker 1: persuading myself that nothing would come out of an experiment
39:41
Speaker 1: in the nature of which no sane man could ever believe.
39:45
Speaker 1: What was it then that crept across my brain like
39:47
Speaker 1: a living thing of ice, producing therein a sensation of horror,
39:51
Speaker 1: and then clutched at my heart as if a deadly
39:53
Speaker 1: serpent had fastened its veins into it. With a convulsive
39:57
Speaker 1: jerk of the hand, I dropped thee. I blushed to
40:00
Speaker 1: write the adjective magic mirror, and could not force myself
40:04
Speaker 1: to pick it up from the settee on which I
40:06
Speaker 1: was reclining. For one short moment there was a terrible
40:09
Speaker 1: struggle between some undefined and to me utterly inexplicable longing
40:14
Speaker 1: to look into the depths of the polished surface of
40:16
Speaker 1: the mirror, and my pride, the ferocity of which nothing
40:19
Speaker 1: seemed capable of taming. It was finally so tamed, however,
40:23
Speaker 1: its revolt, being conquered by its own defiant intensity. There
40:27
Speaker 1: was an opened novel lying on a lacquered table near
40:30
Speaker 1: the settee, and as my eyes happened to fall upon
40:32
Speaker 1: its pages, I read the words the veil which covers
40:35
Speaker 1: futurity is woven by the hand of mercy. This was
40:39
Speaker 1: enough that same pride, which had hitherto held me back
40:42
Speaker 1: from what I regarded as a degrading, superstitious experiment caused
40:47
Speaker 1: me to challenge my fate. I picked up the ominously
40:50
Speaker 1: shining disk and prepared to look into it. While I
40:54
Speaker 1: was examining the mirror, the Yamabushi hastily spoke a few
40:58
Speaker 1: words to the Bonds to Mura, at which I threw
41:00
Speaker 1: a furtive and suspicious glance at both. I was wrong
41:03
Speaker 1: once more. The Holy Man desires me to put you
41:07
Speaker 1: a question and give you at the same time a warning,
41:11
Speaker 1: remarked the bonds. If you are willing to see for
41:14
Speaker 1: yourself now, you will have under the penalty of seeing
41:18
Speaker 1: for ever in the hereafter all that is taking place
41:21
Speaker 1: at whatever distance, and that against your will or inclination,
41:25
Speaker 1: to submit to a regular course of purification after you
41:29
Speaker 1: have learnt what you want through the mirror. What is
41:33
Speaker 1: this course and what have I to promise? I asked defiantly.
41:37
Speaker 1: It is for your own good. You must promise him
41:40
Speaker 1: to submit to the process, lest for the rest of
41:43
Speaker 1: his life he should have to hold himself responsible before
41:46
Speaker 1: his own conscience for having made an irresponsible seer of you.
41:51
Speaker 1: Will you do so? Friend? There will be time enough
41:55
Speaker 1: to think of it if I see anything, I sneeringly replied,
41:59
Speaker 1: adding under my breath something I doubt a good deal.
42:01
Speaker 1: So far, well you are warned, friend, The consequences will
42:06
Speaker 1: now remain with yourself. I glanced at the clock and
42:11
Speaker 1: made a gesture of impatience, which was remarked and understood
42:14
Speaker 1: by the Yamabushi. It was just seven minutes after five
42:19
Speaker 1: to find well in your mind what you would see
42:22
Speaker 1: and learn, said the conjuror, placing the mirror and paper
42:26
Speaker 1: in my hands and instructing me how to use them.
42:29
Speaker 1: His instructions were received by me with more impatience than gratitude,
42:33
Speaker 1: and for one short instant I hesitated again. Nevertheless, I replied,
42:37
Speaker 1: while fixing the mirror, I desire but one thing, to
42:40
Speaker 1: learn the reason or reasons why my sister has so
42:43
Speaker 1: suddenly ceased writing to me. Had I pronounced these words
42:48
Speaker 1: in reality and in the hearing of the two witnesses,
42:51
Speaker 1: or had I only thought them to this day, I
42:54
Speaker 1: cannot decide the point. I now remember but one thing distinctly.
42:58
Speaker 1: While I sat gazing in the mirror, the yamabushi kept
43:00
Speaker 1: gazing at me. But whether this process lasted half a
43:04
Speaker 1: second or three hours. I have never since been able
43:07
Speaker 1: to settle in my mind with any degree of satisfaction.
43:11
Speaker 1: I can recall every detail of the scene up to
43:13
Speaker 1: that moment when I took up the mirror with the
43:15
Speaker 1: left hand holding the paper inscribed with the mystic characters
43:19
Speaker 1: between the thumb and finger of the right, when all
43:21
Speaker 1: of a sudden I seemed to quite lose consciousness of
43:24
Speaker 1: the surrounding objects. The passage from the active waking state
43:29
Speaker 1: to one that I could compare with nothing I had
43:31
Speaker 1: ever experienced before was so rapid that while my eyes
43:35
Speaker 1: had ceased to perceive external objects and had completely lost
43:39
Speaker 1: sight of the bonds, the yamabushi, and even of my room,
43:43
Speaker 1: I could nevertheless distinctly see the whole of my head
43:46
Speaker 1: and my back as I sat leaning forward with the
43:48
Speaker 1: mirror in my hand. Then came a strong sensation of
43:52
Speaker 1: an involuntary rush forward, of snapping off, so to say,
43:57
Speaker 1: from my place I had almost said, from my body.
44:02
Speaker 1: And then, while every one of my other senses had
44:05
Speaker 1: become totally paralyzed, my eyes, as I thought, unexpectedly caught
44:09
Speaker 1: a clearer and far more vivid glimpse than they had
44:12
Speaker 1: ever had in reality, of my sister's new house at Nuremberg,
44:15
Speaker 1: which I had never visited and knew only from a sketch,
44:18
Speaker 1: and other scenery with which I had never been very familiar.
44:23
Speaker 1: Together with this, and while feeling in my brain what
44:25
Speaker 1: seemed like flashes of a departing consciousness. Dying persons must
44:29
Speaker 1: feel so, no doubt, the very last vague thought, so
44:32
Speaker 1: weak as to have been hardly perceptible, was that I
44:34
Speaker 1: must look very, very ridiculous. This feeling, for such it was,
44:40
Speaker 1: rather than a thought, was interrupted, suddenly extinguished, so to say,
44:45
Speaker 1: by a clear mental vision. I cannot characterize it otherwise
44:48
Speaker 1: of myself, of that which I regarded as new to
44:52
Speaker 1: be my body, lying with ashy cheeks on the settee,
44:55
Speaker 1: dead to all intents and purposes, but still staring with
44:58
Speaker 1: the cold and glassy eyes of a corpse into the mirror,
45:02
Speaker 1: bending over it with his two emaciated hands, cutting the
45:05
Speaker 1: air in every direction. Over its white face stood the
45:09
Speaker 1: tall figure of the Amabushi, for whom I felt at
45:11
Speaker 1: that instant an inextinguishable murderous hatred. As I was going
45:16
Speaker 1: and thought to pounce upon the vile charlatan my corpse,
45:20
Speaker 1: the two old men. The room itself and every object
45:23
Speaker 1: in it trembled and danced in a reddish, glowing light,
45:27
Speaker 1: and seemed to flow rapidly away from me. A few
45:30
Speaker 1: more grotesque, distorted shadows before my sight, and with at
45:35
Speaker 1: last a feeling of terror and a supreme effort to
45:38
Speaker 1: realize who then was I? Now? Since I was not
45:41
Speaker 1: that corpse, A great veil of darkness fell over me
45:45
Speaker 1: like a funeral pall, and every thought in me was dead.
45:51
Speaker 1: End of Section one,