Latest / Salish Wolf / #16 Janne Robinson on Truth as Medicine, Seeking Simplicity, and the Journey of this Moment

Transcript

#16 Janne Robinson on Truth as Medicine, Seeking Simplicity, and the Journey of this Moment · Salish Wolf

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  I got into the relationship. I was like, this is great, but
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  my world didn't change and when I made half a million dollars,
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  it was great. But my world didn't change.
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  We're into this illusion. That something will bring us
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  peace or contentment or joy. And we often attached
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  contentment and feeling good and joy as a destination point that
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  we will arrive to after we get the relationship or we complete
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  the healing. And for me, it's like well how
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  do I step into feeling good and work on feeling good right now
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  because there is no final. Destination.
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  Welcome to Sailors. Wolf a podcast, bringing you
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  inspirational stories of extraordinary Endeavors.
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  I am your host Todd Howard. Just south of my Vancouver
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  Island home as a tiny archipelago on which for nearly
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  a decade. Lived the most astonishing
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  animal, a lone wolf takea as he would be named survived and
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  thrived and an environment where likely no wolf had ever set
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  foot. In the process, he captured the
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  hearts of the community and showed us even the most unlikely
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  as possible. His story is not dissimilar to
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  those of the individuals interviewed on this podcast.
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  At some point, they each had to turn to their inner Lone, Wolf
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  from there, they were able to lead.
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  And Inspire my intention is to share their Journeys to help you
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  discover your own inner greatness and peace.
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  This podcast is brought to you by Anchor Point Expeditions,
• 1:33
  where I provide life-changing personal leadership, Retreats
• 1:35
  for men coaching and other valuable personal growth
• 1:39
  resources. Visit Anchor Point,
• 1:41
  expeditions.com to see where your journey could take you.
• 1:48
  It is always a pleasure connecting with Jana Robinson, a
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  personal development, coach writer Surfer mentor and much
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  more. This is Jana second time on
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  Salish wolf and in her raw vulnerable style.
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  She again delivers a powerful message of Truth and connection
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  Jana takes us inside her Mega project of the year, a year-long
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  immersive program called your truth, is your medicine, which
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  is comprised of her life's learnings, and includes more
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  than 20 teachers, of Who have served as yanis, mentors
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  teachers, and Inspirations. She also completes for us, the
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  storybook journey of seeking and finding her father.
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  And the relationship that she is still creating with him on the
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  tail, end of what has been one of her busiest.
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  Professional years Jana is now focusing on embracing Simplicity
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  and life something that many of us can understand.
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  But very few actually do in her courageous heart centered style,
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  she reveals personal struggles that have Monster along the way
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  and shares how those challenges have been some of her greatest.
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  Teachers Jana is a published author of poetry and plans to
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  release two more Publications in 2021.
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  Her authenticity has emerged as a powerful tool that has helped
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  her guide. Countless individuals with her
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  coaching Retreats and now courses, learn more about her
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  work and opportunities for your personal growth on her website.
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  Jana Robinson.com, if you enjoyed episode 4 of Salish wolf
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  with Jana Robinson. I'm confident That her truth
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  Journey will greatly inspire you.
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  I hope you enjoy. Jana, welcome back to Salish
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  wolf. So glad to be here, it's good to
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  reconnect with you. I know you've had so much going
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  on in your life and we kind of left our last episode with a bit
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  of a cliffhanger to as you were telling the story of
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  reconciliation with your father and we got halfway through that.
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  So I think we can maybe dive back into that story and then
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  talk about some of the other amazing things that are going on
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  in your life. You're in California right now.
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  Is that right? What's it like there?
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  So we just we just came out of the smoke last week.
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  We had a week of smoke but I can only imagine what it's like.
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  They're both environmentally and politically is I'm sure other
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  areas as well. Yeah, the fires are been rather
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  up north where I am I'm down by San Diego so but yeah, they are
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  quality in. Oakland area within quizzes bad,
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  if not as worse as Vancouver for about a week and actually went
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  into Palm Springs for a week and there was a fire from your Palm
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  Springs and I was like, there's nothing even to catch fire up
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  there. The least thing that I needed to
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  worry about. So we have been, okay, I think
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  there's a few days. Their quality here was not
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  great, but we have not been directly touched by it.
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  As deeply as the rest of California and I know as Canada
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  and its I know that there's been an increase in the fires which
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  is to do with global warming because I'm, I've only been here
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  for three years and every year it's been horrific like the
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  amount of damage and loss of it's just like I'm like how is
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  this even possible that people would build homes in a place
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  that would catch on fire this much?
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  That's my understanding. It's just been getting worse and
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  worse each year. And it's not always been like
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  this. So, yeah, I went to your dating,
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  a series of firefighters. So, I heard some of the stories
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  before, like they're always like, it's firefighters season
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  working 80-hour weeks, drinking like Folgers, coffee and shitty
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  coffee. Just pedal to the metal.
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  So, yeah. So I have a direct line of
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  access to some of that, and some of the stories.
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  And yeah, tons of compassion and love going out to the whole
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  country. Canada as well with with that
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  that's happening. Amongst everything else.
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  Let's just catch on fire. You got other things going on.
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  Yeah, I like last last week, I looked at the fire map along the
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  west coast and I was just blown away.
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  I was kind of oblivious until that moment I was like why is it
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  so Smoky? How bad can this be and pulled
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  up the fire map and it was like whoa like it's the whole Coast
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  is an inferno and oddly enough PC hasn't had it this year.
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  year, this has been probably our best fire year and Six plus
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  years. So that's because Canada is The
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  Golden Child of the countries and God in the universe were
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  like will spare them. We ask that that happens.
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  Well, spare time, they're doing slightly better in many ways.
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  What is going on there, too? Because politically last time we
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  talked, you told the story of a surfer being arrested on the
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  beach with a swarm of helicopters that were true.
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  Tracking him because the, the ocean was closed because it has
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  stopped. Yeah.
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  So politically I can't vote because I'm Canadian.
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  So as far as being deeply involved, my awareness and
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  presence has not been there. There are a lot of pro-trump,
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  voting booths everywhere that I have been noticing and giving
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  the finger to subtly, not outwardly.
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  But I My opinion on the politics, in My Hope in the
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  realm of politics. And we think we might have
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  talked about this. A little bit of our last call as
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  well as that. I just, I think that all wounds
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  around and I mean, we're in the middle of a, what do you want to
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  call it? What should we call it shit
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  storm? Yeah, well, I think we're in
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  like a revolution of sorts and there's so much social rights.
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  And Justice and equality. And before all this was
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  happening, Trump was triggering other wounds that have been here
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  for centuries. And so, I think that scabbing
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  the wounds creates a lot of noise and rage but it's also
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  giving people the opportunity to feel which we need to heal.
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  And so my hope is you know we also don't know what's coming.
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  People are like the world is going to end.
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  I'm like or there's like a black indigenous queer president on
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  the way who's going to be awesome and I have needed to go
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  through Trump to get there and so, yeah, I am politically
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  hoping that we do not repeat with Trump and also have no
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  expectation of that because you know, who knows?
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  My think also with covid the whole voting thing and not
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  people not wanting to go in and person is different.
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  There's a lot of people that are you know there's encouraging to
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  vote online which is really Important but yeah, it kind of
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  feels like the world is a lot of mess right now.
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  It feels like was like, there's just volcanoes going off
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  everywhere and we're just kind of holding fragments of it and
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  it's just like we're in the snow globe and we're just getting
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  sugar around, and it's just like a little blurry and as sitting
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  on the beach with a friend yesterday, and she's like, I'm
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  so sad this week like, I'm just so sad.
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  I just keep crying all the time. Like I just feel like the world
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  is literally going to end. And she looked at me and she was
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  like, did you have help? And I was like, yeah, of course.
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  I have hope. No, I am an idealist but like I
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  absolutely have hope. And so I think about, I mean, on
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  a low-key level, I think all of us have been in a relationship
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  where we've gone through a breakup and just been absolutely
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  devastated lying on the ground thinking the world was never
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  going to like, get better. And there would never be anybody
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  else out there that we could love.
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  And we're going to close our hearts forever, and we got very
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  dramatic about it and and then we came through it and we're no
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  longer very new. Ships and there was someone
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  better and there is something on the other side of it.
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  So I think that we're going through grief, which is huge
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  emotion or think of what's happening.
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  And again, there's a lot of levels here but like I think
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  there's a lot of grief being felt.
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  And yeah, my hope, my hope there.
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  Is that on the other end of all the feeling and the actual
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  burning, and the anger burning. And all the things happening in
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  our world right now that That we're going to have to come out
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  somewhere and I'm an idealist and I'm rather positive.
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  So for me it's like why would there not be something better on
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  the other side? Yeah and through all of this you
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  have been seeking your own truth and helping others to find
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  theirs when we talked last. You were in the process of
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  creating a truth is your medicine program.
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  Now, I know that has materialized and it's happening.
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  Can you talk a bit about what? Spent the last six months
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  creating and how that's come together.
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  Yeah, I would also say that people often will say like how
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  did that painting? Take you.
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  And there's like a story. Someone else's painter and she
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  says, 73 years because I they have just launched a program
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  with a course. But I'll tell you every 31 years
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  of my life, I open learning everything that gets to go into
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  not just the courses of the worksheets, but every second of
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  anything that I interact with. So for 31 years, Ears.
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  I've getting prepared to launch this program and tell us about
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  the last 31. Yes, yeah.
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  Yeah, so it was really beautiful.
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  I work for the brilliant, brilliant Wiz of a strategist
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  and I mean I'm I didn't use ads growing like growing my audience
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  and working with people either and we we had 5,000 people join
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  this 10 day free beta experience.
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  Some people at 600, 500 people ended up in the program, but
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  where I want to start with saying is I had the great
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  privilege. Of Hosting this amazing free 10
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  day experience in. I think it was June or July July
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  at a time where people were like quarantined in their houses.
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  And I got to talk about vices and agreement and integrity and
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  honoring the truth of who we are.
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  And what is, it's interesting because like, ironically, this
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  is probably the best time to launch a program on honoring the
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  truth of who we are, because we're being forced to reinvent.
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  We're being followed We're being fired from our jobs that some of
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  us didn't love, but we did for money.
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  And as a life coach, she will have clung to those jobs as
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  safety and now they're gone. And I'm like, perfect.
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  You hated the job and now we get to actually do the work because
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  you need, we need to reinvent. Like there's someone was saying
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  there's like the woman that I know works for a tech company
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  and there's been like thousands of applications a week because
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  we're all in this reinvention and Recreation.
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  So to hold this 10-day experience, I did like three I
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  filmed a course live in front of 5,000 people.
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  There was over a thousand people.
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  I don't pressure on that credible.
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  I'll, I love it. I stress so much, but then when
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  I get in to see, I just like, I love being on a stage and I love
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  my love jamming and I love the pressure of it and I had so much
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  fun and we were the calls went for like four hours that were
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  meant to be two hours and did three days of teaching
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  curriculum with like slides and like, you know, I made them
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  funny. I like had slides of our pain
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  bodies and all kinds of stuff and then that was beautiful.
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  And then I also did a three days of life coaching, which was
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  Abraham Hicks tile, where I just pulled somebody forward was like
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  no video context, nope, image of them, just a name, pulling
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  someone forward turning on their video and coaching them.
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  And that was really, really fun. And I, I actually had one of the
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  most beautiful experiences as a facilitator in front of 1,000
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  people. And it pushed my edges so much
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  and broke me open in the most beautiful way.
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  The whole thing was such a gift. It was such a gift for the
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  abundance of people that showed up for that.
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  It was free for those 10 days that for me I grew so much and
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  my capacity to hold and have over a thousand people on the
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  call live. And yeah I had the most amazing
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  experience with this. It was a it was a man that
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  wanted to be pulled forward to be coached and he he make me
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  talk a little bit about this and me working with some men, but he
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  had commented in the Facebook group as well around being raped
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  when he was 16 by his Christian basketball coach and he's like
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  in his 50s. And I had this little piece of
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  resistance show up at first because I've worked with some
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  women through sexual assault. But I haven't worked with a ton
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  of men and there was 1,000 people on the call and there was
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  a part of me that got like, you know, nervous as I was saying
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  you and maybe I don't know if you have those experiences of
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  edges, but it was an edge pushing thing.
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  It can be, it can be nerve-wracking with only the
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  person you're coaching on the. Yeah.
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  Yeah. And so this this guy came
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  forward and I have I told him forward at first, I kind of
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  said, no. Like I was like, you know, EMDR
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  is grape Lola and then I got another 28 of hit, it was like
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  bring him forward and I was like, okay.
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  And so I pull them forward and I have never had somebody so
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  willing to do their work. Hmm.
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  It was the most. So you know, sometimes when we
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  coach, it takes our energy, if somebody's not willing to do the
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  work, I think that's when it gets Draven is when someone's
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  holding on to suffering or they're unwilling.
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  And when somebody is willing to do their work, that kind of
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  coaching gives me energy that like lights me up, and he was,
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  he was so willing and we did these redo visualizations and
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  had. He had the opportunity to do a
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  redo of the moment that the coach came to the Or and, you
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  know, said, hey, like no, you can't come into the house and
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  all of these little moments and it was incredible.
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  He moved. He was like had a lot of energy
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  and his stomach and then it moved to his throat and we did
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  like screaming and releasing and he cried and for it to be
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  witnessed for a man. Also at that age, to be so
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  willing to move and touch his work.
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  I loved that because I don't like to say it but sometimes it
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  feels like there's more women that I work with and I want more
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  men to be doing their work and to be connecting to their
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  healing and said their hearts. And yeah.
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  It was really, really, really, really, really beautiful.
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  And I was so energized and lit up and the whole experience like
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  there was just everything that I would have wanted happened in
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  this little 10-day bubble and then I opened the doors to this
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  program and in like three days, The 92 people signed up.
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  And so then I've been on the other side of that operationally
• 17:29
  trying to figure it out because it was like a whole Tech
• 17:31
  customer service. You know, stuff that that showed
• 17:34
  up, that I've definitely had my hands and in holding space for
• 17:40
  as, as well as which we were just talking about to, before we
• 17:42
  started the recording. There's always that side and
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  it's been amazing. So we did a six-week immersion
• 17:48
  coaching to start. So, we did those group coaching
• 17:51
  calls the same kind of style, where I'm Owing people forward,
• 17:55
  as people moved through the digital course, called your
• 17:57
  truth is your medicine and we just ended that I think a week
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  or two weeks ago and now we're starting our teachers of Truth
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  calls. So we just had Mark Groves on
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  and you're also one of them and I'm so excited.
• 18:11
  I have like 20. I think it's almost 24:22 of my
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  own like mentors and teachers coming in to teach.
• 18:17
  So Mark did a workshop on boundaries and it was awesome.
• 18:22
  And I just feel like But so beautiful.
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  What's a beautiful for me about having these teachers of Truth
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  calls as everybody that bringing in has a certain level of
• 18:32
  Consciousness? And I feel like when we talked
• 18:35
  with certain people that are at a level of awareness, it's
• 18:38
  almost like for me, I feel myself shoot into the
• 18:40
  atmosphere. It's almost like I'm on a
• 18:42
  different planet. I feel more clear.
• 18:43
  I feel energized. I'm like very excited and it's
• 18:47
  almost like getting a really good caffeine Buzz because
• 18:50
  you're just you know what I'm talking about.
• 18:52
  I know what you're talking. Can I get it done?
• 18:54
  I get it from the podcast, even. Yeah, I had a call with Jeff
• 18:57
  Brown. Who's one of he's written a
• 18:59
  bunch of one book, called grounded spirituality.
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  And he's one of the teachers of Truth as well.
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  And I talked with him, I'm just somet in every way that I like
• 19:07
  Zoop into another universe. And so, it was really cool on
• 19:10
  the call yesterday as I'd been bogged down with some op stuff,
• 19:13
  and then all of us on the call and Mark zoomed out somewhere,
• 19:17
  and just gotta like, be on this beautiful spacious aware
• 19:22
  connected planet. For an hour, 75 minutes.
• 19:26
  And so it's so cool that I get to do that over and over again
• 19:30
  with different teachers and people because the world's
• 19:32
  feeling pretty heavy and bogged down right now.
• 19:34
  And so being able to blast off into these little beautiful
• 19:39
  Pockets has been or the was really beautiful.
• 19:43
  So yeah, there's a lot there. I'm very excited.
• 19:47
  You should be and what an incredible accomplishment just
• 19:50
  getting to this point and getting 5,000 people.
• 19:53
  And then getting to And percent of those to commit to.
• 19:55
  This program is the program full now.
• 19:57
  Are you still taking people on board?
• 19:59
  I was going to at one point, open the doors but I feel like I
• 20:03
  feel like I want to just take it's my first time doing it and
• 20:07
  yes and it originally was going to be an 8 week program and then
• 20:10
  because of the state of the world and you wanting to have
• 20:12
  all these teachers of Truth calls I couldn't do all of that
• 20:15
  in eight weeks. So this is going to be a year
• 20:16
  experience and I'm kind of it's like a the first run of it so I
• 20:21
  want to fine-tune any pickups and Things and get feedback and
• 20:25
  then so, yeah, I'm going to close it and I'm going to
• 20:29
  relaunch, once everybody's gone through it.
• 20:31
  And I have like feedback and didn't feel integral to like the
• 20:38
  relaunch and bring a bunch of new people in before I knew how
• 20:41
  effective it was, it's supporting people that are in
• 20:44
  it. So, yeah, how did this concept
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  come to fruition of bringing together all of these teachers
• 20:52
  and mentors that you've worked with?
• 20:54
  Into this program. Yeah.
• 20:57
  So at the height of covid. Really?
• 20:59
  When it got super intense and like the beginning of March, I
• 21:04
  started to why I felt like I had to hold a deeper space and I've
• 21:07
  ever held because everybody around me was in fear, and all
• 21:10
  of my clients were in fear, and I wasn't allowed to go into
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  overwhelm. I had to stay grounded to
• 21:16
  support people. And I also admit that felt like,
• 21:20
  people just needed to be held 10 times more than they I had and I
• 21:24
  wanted more hands. And so I had these women's
• 21:26
  groups that at the time that I was coaching with there was two
• 21:29
  groups of 10 women and I started to bring in breathwork
• 21:32
  facilitators and Kundalini teachers and I was paying these
• 21:35
  guests facilitators to come in and to hold space because I was
• 21:38
  like, fuck. We need so much support right
• 21:40
  now. And then I was sitting on being
• 21:44
  like this is like a seven-day challenge with my mentors or
• 21:47
  like what, how am I going to bring?
• 21:49
  Because I wanted to bring them to my audience and I was like
• 21:51
  how do I bring these people? To my audience.
• 21:55
  And that was when I was working on the launch of this course,
• 21:59
  and then it kind of morphed into this.
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  Like, I'll bring them into this and they'll be coaching and kind
• 22:05
  of like burst into. So it came up because I feel
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  right now we know the world needs to be supported more than
• 22:13
  it ever has. And I am enough to support those
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  in my ring but like why the fuck not bring like you and gay
• 22:20
  Hendricks and Susie, but he's into like sprinkles in Magic on
• 22:23
  people and remind Them, that living in our truth is a huge
• 22:26
  gift when the world is feeling pretty dreary.
• 22:30
  Yeah, well, and I'm so grateful that you've done it.
• 22:33
  I'm honored to be part of the program.
• 22:35
  Thank you for inviting me into it.
• 22:37
  I'm excited for whenever my part takes place, which I think will
• 22:41
  be next year and I know it's going to be an incredible
• 22:44
  experience for everyone. So to you, I'm just so I'm so
• 22:50
  happy that you've been able to pull this together and to offer
• 22:53
  this to the world. Along the way.
• 22:56
  What have you learned about yourself?
• 22:59
  Because I know that anytime we take on something of this
• 23:02
  magnitude there's learning opportunities.
• 23:06
  Yeah, to save lives and save it be transparent but I'm only ever
• 23:10
  transparent. I what I've been really looking
• 23:15
  at and leaning into is I think that we all have this on some
• 23:21
  level. It's probably pretty
• 23:22
  unconscious, but there's There was this deep piece of me that
• 23:28
  I've been identifying identified in romantic relationships and
• 23:31
  now, in business that is around like survival and fear.
• 23:35
  So, like there was like a fear piece around.
• 23:39
  Like, I remember going to the beta and there's like so much
• 23:42
  value in everything. Like I mean, it is so fucking
• 23:46
  valuable, like it's just like insanely valuable and being so
• 23:51
  afraid that it wasn't going to be enough and it was like this
• 23:53
  free experience and then we died Burn to that.
• 23:55
  And it's like, why are we afraid of things not being enough?
• 23:59
  Why do we perfect or try and control or overcompensate?
• 24:03
  Even the idea of adding 24 teachers of truth.
• 24:06
  It's amazing that I did that but this program is amazing, as it
• 24:09
  is with just. The course if it was just the
• 24:12
  course that would be enough and so it's like well why why at all
• 24:16
  of these things? And I think that when I really
• 24:18
  mean into it and I've been doing some work around this as well
• 24:23
  with like my childhood, you know, I grew up with a single
• 24:26
  mom that was on welfare and I've been really exploring and
• 24:31
  leaning into as well. Like that there was a part of me
• 24:35
  that has completely around my needs not being met and I was
• 24:38
  born black and blue like not breathing with my umbilical cord
• 24:42
  around my neck and didn't open my mouth fully to breastfeed.
• 24:46
  So like as a child, I wanted been leading into is like, this
• 24:50
  theme of survival and like Not a lot of my needs were met and in
• 24:55
  some ways and, you know, be that through birth or through my
• 25:00
  mouth not opening or, you know, my mom just being a single mom,
• 25:03
  trying to make things happen at exploring, how our defense
• 25:08
  mechanisms play out in the the themes of perfectionism
• 25:12
  controlling trying to like overcompensate over give and
• 25:19
  I've been leaning a lot into that with my therapist.
• 25:22
  It's like a couple of my therapists like gay Hendricks
• 25:25
  and Larry leaves in my like pattern breaking therapist EMDR
• 25:31
  because I noticed it show up in the beta launch and then the
• 25:35
  wildest thing happened, I launched this successful program
• 25:39
  and we made like five hundred thousand dollars and you know
• 25:42
  it's like a very abundant beautiful time and there was
• 25:46
  this weird part of me that went into a fierce State around the
• 25:50
  money that I had to look at of like Thinking again, this like
• 25:54
  survival piece of like it's going to go away or and in
• 25:56
  reality a lot of that goes away immediately to taxes which you
• 25:59
  probably know it's like there's a large piece that goes but for
• 26:04
  me I've been really leaning at and on a really, really personal
• 26:08
  level. What has showed up for me to
• 26:10
  learn from has been why we show up insecure about our products
• 26:17
  and offerings. Like I think that part of why
• 26:19
  sometimes we Worry and go into it for me.
• 26:23
  It's like control and perfect. And something is is often at
• 26:27
  110% and I'm like still worried about it as I think that so many
• 26:30
  of us have had experiences where it's almost like in a as a kids
• 26:38
  As kids. It's like if it's not perfect
• 26:40
  it'll get rejected if it gets rejected.
• 26:41
  I won't have love. Or you know if this happens this
• 26:44
  will happen and like there's a total fear story around it.
• 26:49
  If I'm eloquently describing it because I'm still in the
• 26:51
  processing stages of it. But yeah it's been really
• 26:56
  beautiful to look at the fact that I would have been enough
• 27:01
  for the beta. The product was like the whole
• 27:05
  experience in the beta was incredible.
• 27:07
  And there was insecure. It is around that that didn't
• 27:09
  really deserve to live there. And the course is amazing.
• 27:13
  And the program is amazing, and it's great to bring in 2040,
• 27:17
  chours of truth, but there still would have been a ton of value
• 27:19
  in that and leaning into like huh.
• 27:22
  Interesting like the psychology behind some of those choices and
• 27:26
  and it's been a very expansive and beautiful to through to also
• 27:30
  financially be supported in a time where in our world right
• 27:33
  now it's like doesn't feel like there's a lot of money and it's
• 27:36
  like there's a lot. Of gifts and expansion and
• 27:41
  abundance and gratitude on that front.
• 27:45
  And it was so interesting. Amidst, amidst all of that to be
• 27:48
  hit with it. Almost was the perfect place for
• 27:53
  me to witness this like survival piece.
• 27:55
  It was like, why am I feeling survival?
• 27:58
  I've half a million dollars. Why is that happening in my
• 28:00
  body? Why am I worried that?
• 28:01
  People aren't going to like the things and it's like, why does
• 28:05
  everything need to be perfect? It's the first time I'm running.
• 28:08
  It's not going to be perfect. I'm going to learn from it and I
• 28:10
  think that we're afraid that if we fuck anything up and it's not
• 28:14
  perfectly, won't get love and I also think that yeah it's been a
• 28:19
  beautiful opportunity for me to look at why there is a drum of
• 28:24
  survival. That is so deep and unconscious
• 28:27
  and really is like from Total childhood and to be able to
• 28:31
  witness that showing up in my life and to be able to like
• 28:35
  learn from it and trace it back. Yeah, I want to touch a bit upon
• 28:41
  what you said earlier about. He started to talk about your
• 28:46
  therapist and various therapists with various things.
• 28:50
  You have this amazing ability to leverage the resources around
• 28:55
  you which in a large part is the people around you, the people in
• 28:58
  your life and you don't seem to be afraid to connect with people
• 29:02
  for support and for Up, whereas in, I think, for many people and
• 29:07
  probably Society in general, there's a bit of a stigma around
• 29:11
  needing or having therapists, or counselors or psychologists or
• 29:15
  psychiatrists. How has your journey and
• 29:22
  accepting that assistance and accepting that guidance?
• 29:26
  How was that impacted your personal growth and development?
• 29:33
  We should all have therapists. I think that having coaches,
• 29:37
  and, and space holders is huge. And I am a very, very largely
• 29:44
  experiential learner and so I love to learn from people.
• 29:47
  I love to learn from conversation, and from
• 29:49
  experience, and from interactions.
• 29:51
  So I, you know, it's like we're so worried about fucking our
• 29:56
  kids up and I always say the best of the best of children end
• 29:59
  up in therapy. The best of us do end up in
• 30:02
  therapy because it gives us a better understanding of
• 30:04
  ourselves and one another and we're basically here to connect
• 30:08
  and to belong. So just saying that the best of
• 30:13
  us end up in therapy. That's not because we've been
• 30:18
  inherently damaged as much as we are.
• 30:22
  Seeking that assistance? Is that what you were referring
• 30:24
  to that? We're reaching out for help.
• 30:26
  And we're actually being proactive and aligning it.
• 30:29
  Yeah, I heard enough. A podcast with Boyd vardy who's
• 30:33
  a friend of mine. He was having going for a walk
• 30:35
  with a friend of his. And on the walk, his friend said
• 30:39
  to Boyd, I'm going to therapy a little bit later today.
• 30:43
  And Boyd said owes, you know, is everything, okay?
• 30:47
  And his friend turned to him and said, yeah we need my wife, go
• 30:51
  to therapy every week so that it is.
• 30:53
  Okay. Yeah, a rather than like, let's
• 30:56
  go to therapy because we're broken, right?
• 30:58
  Let's do the work consistently so that, you know, I think that
• 31:03
  it's, it would be, I don't work with, like, five people because
• 31:09
  also, I believe that I'm broken, it was anything.
• 31:11
  And in fact, I often talk to my therapist and I feel like I'll
• 31:13
  be like, I think I'm 96% there and they're like, yeah, you've
• 31:16
  done a lot of work and life and it's more.
• 31:22
  So it's how I like to learn and I don't know about you but I'm
• 31:27
  like I love to seek to understand.
• 31:30
  I love to seek to understand if I get triggered or if something
• 31:34
  shows up or I get disappointed. I loved understand if it's just
• 31:38
  from the moment or if it's a pattern and What I can hold
• 31:42
  space for Within Myself versus what conversations need to
• 31:45
  happen with other people in my life for this world.
• 31:48
  And I think at that responsibility over our self and
• 31:51
  our mental health, and who we are, is vital to living in a
• 31:56
  world full of Harmony. So, yeah, we should all be in
• 32:00
  therapy. Yeah, and I think there's this
• 32:03
  great value to in the rise of coaching personal growth
• 32:08
  coaching and having mentors, because I think there's less
• 32:10
  stigma around. That finding a coach or finding
• 32:13
  mentors to help guide you and I when the mint when men come to
• 32:18
  me for coaching, it's in essence.
• 32:22
  It is a form of therapy but I'm not their therapist.
• 32:27
  I'm kind of a advocate for their own personal growth and I'm
• 32:31
  helping them to see things in a different perspective perhaps
• 32:34
  but invariably they know they know what their truth is, they
• 32:38
  just sometimes get a bit lost and and Knowing that truth.
• 32:43
  I also had a ton of participants to start personal development.
• 32:46
  I don't know what your journey was, but I thought at first was
• 32:49
  like, personal developments for depressed people like why would
• 32:53
  I ever go to? That was literally the first
• 32:55
  thing that I said to my mom said, hey, I think you really
• 32:57
  love this three-day seminar. It was like, why the fuck would
• 32:59
  I go to that? I'm not depressed.
• 33:01
  Right. That was how I first entered
• 33:04
  into personal development. Yeah.
• 33:08
  I that's a good good thought. I'm not really sure where the
• 33:12
  journey Began for me. Of course I studied some
• 33:15
  listeners know I study Chinese medicine and the daoist
• 33:18
  philosophies that are behind that.
• 33:19
  So there was always this part of me that was drawn towards holism
• 33:24
  and a deeper connection, but I don't think I started to put
• 33:29
  myself within that web, so to speak until various crises
• 33:35
  happen. And for me, it was, it was
• 33:37
  personal relationship, namely my marriage and, and trying to
• 33:42
  figure out, ER, out how to better show up in that space
• 33:44
  because I wasn't at some point in time.
• 33:47
  And yeah, it was it was I don't think I was reluctant to do it
• 33:53
  as much as I never considered it.
• 33:56
  I never really considered that there are alternatives to just
• 33:59
  going to like a psychologist for for counseling, but once I
• 34:05
  started to someone recommended that both my wife and I go on a,
• 34:11
  an intensive. And it was a four-day intensive
• 34:14
  and it was life-changing absolutely life-changing.
• 34:16
  And it was about forgetting about all the external factors
• 34:21
  and looking internally and figuring out how I can better
• 34:26
  navigate my world regardless of what's going on on the outside.
• 34:29
  And for me that was a major Watershed event because it gave
• 34:34
  me something that Joshua Hathaway and I just discussed
• 34:38
  the other week. It gave me 100% personal Me.
• 34:43
  And so I could stop looking to others or at other things to
• 34:48
  help fulfill me. And I could find that from
• 34:50
  within which means I could stop looking to others to solve my
• 34:54
  problems or to disappear and take away problems because if
• 34:59
  I'm taking 100% accountability, that's all within me.
• 35:02
  That ability is entirely within me.
• 35:07
  So beautiful, as a question for you, please, that's what I love
• 35:10
  about our podcast. So accountability is one of my
• 35:15
  core values. I'd love to know more of yours
• 35:17
  as well, but I find that our strengths become our weaknesses
• 35:21
  when they're turned up too loud, and I sometimes have in my hyper
• 35:27
  accountability and I found this actually my last relationship
• 35:31
  when it gets, turned up too loud, I try and take
• 35:35
  accountability or problem solving.
• 35:37
  Are trying to figure out or fix things that just aren't mine.
• 35:40
  Like, it's like it actually isn't mine.
• 35:42
  Take accountability over there, sometimes people that show up in
• 35:45
  our lives that are showing up in a way where it's like, it's not
• 35:47
  about us. Doing our mirror inner child
• 35:49
  work like somebody can just be out of integrity and it's not
• 35:53
  about figuring out how we're showing up but just the truth is
• 35:56
  like, hey, you're out of Integrity with your agreement.
• 35:58
  Do you have a lying there or how are you at at what I think in
• 36:03
  that there is accountability being taken and exploring the
• 36:07
  Ation and realizing that, perhaps this person is not
• 36:10
  healthy for me to be around at this time.
• 36:12
  And for putting that boundary there for making that
• 36:16
  distinction, that that's not healthy.
• 36:19
  I'm going to be on this side and I think that, Of course, if
• 36:24
  someone to use a very radical example, if you're walking down
• 36:28
  the street and a stranger comes up and hits you in the face,
• 36:33
  it's pretty hard to take accountability for that.
• 36:35
  I think you have just been victimized.
• 36:37
  You are a victim of of hatred or of someone doing a hurtful Act.
• 36:43
  But at that once that moment passes where you have been
• 36:47
  victimized and is now your choice, how you want to move
• 36:51
  forward and you can move forward with hate.
• 36:54
  You can move forward with a Vengeance towards the person who
• 36:57
  did it. You can move forward with
• 37:00
  lamenting about all the times. Things like this have happened
• 37:03
  in your life or you can go forward on a more positive
• 37:07
  perspective. Taking 100% accountability for
• 37:09
  the fact that I was perhaps in a in a knot Safe part of town at
• 37:14
  that moment and I made that choice to be there.
• 37:18
  And now, that this has happened, I can make the choice, whether
• 37:23
  or not I want to move on and even forgive.
• 37:29
  And another thing that Joshua Hathaway and I spoke about, and
• 37:33
  this was in our first podcast together.
• 37:34
  I asked him his opinion on healing and can there be healing
• 37:38
  without forgiveness and his response was basically not
• 37:42
  completely Only you can't completely be whole and healed
• 37:46
  without forgiving and forgiveness.
• 37:51
  I think so often. We we hold this as something
• 37:56
  that in order to forgive someone, we need something from
• 38:01
  them. We need them to express their
• 38:03
  remorse. We need them to get down on
• 38:06
  their hands and knees and grovel, and beg for our
• 38:08
  forgiveness. But what that is doing, is that
• 38:11
  is trapping us in a State where we are needing something from
• 38:16
  somebody else in order to push down that burden and move
• 38:20
  forward. Forgiveness is not freeing the
• 38:24
  person you're forgiving. It's freeing yourself.
• 38:27
  It's freeing yourself of that weight and so as hard as it may
• 38:32
  be to do that, to find the ability to forgive something for
• 38:37
  a wrongdoing. If we're taking 100%
• 38:40
  accountability, I have to be honest with ourselves and
• 38:44
  realizing that that is our choice.
• 38:47
  We can set this burden down and move on by freeing ourselves
• 38:51
  from it through forgiveness. Yes, I don't know if that
• 38:58
  address. I don't even remember this.
• 39:02
  Can we go a little Vortex tangents?
• 39:04
  I am not angry with you and I feel the same way about
• 39:06
  forgiveness. I think that accountability is
• 39:10
  healthy, but sometimes I think I've just, I personally will
• 39:14
  blur the line of trying to take on more than what is mine.
• 39:18
  Definitely not, definitely, don't really, I don't think
• 39:21
  that, I fall much into the being not accountable, I think that I
• 39:25
  Mesh the other way. But no, I agree with everything
• 39:29
  and I look at accountability as something that is liberating.
• 39:32
  It puts us completely in control of our own destiny because I'm
• 39:37
  not seeking any sort of external validation.
• 39:40
  If I'm being 100% accountable. Accountable, I am, I'm only
• 39:44
  looking within for the answers and solutions, and I realized
• 39:48
  that if I'm unhappy because something happened, that's
• 39:53
  beyond my control. So, I can stay in that unhappy
• 39:56
  State, I can bring others into it and commiserate with them or
• 40:01
  I can take full accountability and realize that, okay.
• 40:04
  I actually have a choice here I have a choice to move out of
• 40:09
  this miserable State into a happy State.
• 40:11
  It's not necessarily as it's hardly ever as simple as that.
• 40:15
  Just a snap of a finger. And I go for miserable too
• 40:17
  happy, but in taking that accountability, there's that
• 40:21
  freedom in that power to know that is actually within my
• 40:25
  ability to do that. Yes, yes.
• 40:29
  Huge I think well, I mean it's one of my biggest core value so
• 40:33
  I yeah, I walk through the world with Accountability and
• 40:37
  integrity kind of at the top of my list pretty closely with
• 40:41
  responsibilities as well. What's the difference in
• 40:44
  responsibility and accountability for you?
• 40:47
  Good question. Actually to know the exact
• 40:49
  different as I was saying that I was like responsibility.
• 40:53
  They're pretty similar but accountability feels like self
• 40:56
  and on some level responsibility feels like others.
• 40:59
  It's how my service to others kind of categorizing it right
• 41:02
  now. But I don't know if that's
• 41:03
  actually what the I love looking at the exact definitions of
• 41:06
  words. Sometimes we use them.
• 41:07
  But it's like, what is the exact?
• 41:10
  But yeah. My, it's also what it means to
• 41:13
  means to you. And means to me.
• 41:15
  Yeah. Like you're clear on it then
• 41:18
  accountability feels more self-related like, yeah, and
• 41:22
  integrity. Tegrity and permanent expansion,
• 41:26
  and transparency and Grace or some of my biggest.
• 41:31
  Mmm, very good janabu. Done core value.
• 41:33
  Work at live. I've done it on my own, I didn't
• 41:37
  call it core value work, but the name of my coaching, a my
• 41:42
  Retreats his Anchor Point, and that's actually a archery term
• 41:47
  because I love doing archery. And one of my Retreats as we go
• 41:50
  into the Wilderness and Powell River that your Familiar with on
• 41:54
  the coast and we build Bo's English longbows, out of out of
• 41:57
  you would and in doing that, I developed this concept of Anchor
• 42:03
  Point. Because the Anchor Point is the
• 42:05
  point. Typically on the face where when
• 42:08
  you're shooting, when you're, when you're drawing your bow,
• 42:11
  the the hand that is on. The string will come back
• 42:14
  somewhere on your face and the Anchor Point is a specific point
• 42:17
  where it rests and for me, the tip of my middle finger comes to
• 42:21
  the corner of my mouth so that basically My Anchor Point
• 42:24
  physically and what that Anchor Point does is it provides
• 42:27
  consistency in your shooting. It just takes away, one more
• 42:31
  variable of change. If every time I draw the bow
• 42:34
  string, it comes to a different spot on my face or on my
• 42:36
  shoulder that my shots are going to be wildly inconsistent.
• 42:40
  So the Anchor Point is what helps guide me to the Target,
• 42:46
  which metaphorically is my mission, or my personal truth.
• 42:50
  And so what I've what I kind of created with that Anchor Point
• 42:54
  is a metaphor that and each of us going through our lives.
• 42:59
  If we have our own set of anchor points, then it will help us
• 43:04
  always stay on track with our truth or with our mission.
• 43:09
  I find that in personal development work.
• 43:11
  A lot of the stuff that I've done is very very much based on
• 43:17
  being finding your mission. I'm being true to your mission
• 43:21
  which the Some I did that. I was like well that's a really
• 43:26
  big bite to tear off because a lot of people come into the work
• 43:32
  being so far on the opposite end of the spectrum of being on
• 43:37
  their emission and being on path with following that mission,
• 43:40
  some people are just just surviving, they're coming to the
• 43:44
  personal development work because they've had various
• 43:46
  crises because they're down on the absolute bottom.
• 43:49
  They don't know where else to go, they're depressed.
• 43:51
  They're miserable various things or They're just really dying for
• 43:55
  Change. And so in a weekend, to figure
• 43:59
  out how to go from that to this other end of the spectrum, the
• 44:04
  Zenith of finding your mission and staying true to your
• 44:06
  mission. I just found that.
• 44:07
  That was that was, that was a bit overzealous, in my opinion.
• 44:11
  And so the anchor points to me are so in a lot of my Retreats
• 44:17
  men come up with her anchor points, because it is basically
• 44:20
  our core values. And if we're following those
• 44:22
  core values, It doesn't matter what our mission is.
• 44:25
  It doesn't even know if we necessarily are completely aware
• 44:29
  of what our mission is. If we're following our core
• 44:31
  values, and if we are keeping those anchor points, then at
• 44:34
  least, we're going to be on the right path.
• 44:37
  We may not hit the target. Every time we may not always hit
• 44:39
  that mission, but we're going to be on the right path and so yes.
• 44:44
  Sorry that's a very light. It's realize you asked me about
• 44:47
  my core values that. Yeah.
• 44:51
  So I do and I have a mine were mine.
• 44:53
  When I created them were quite a bit different than probably some
• 44:57
  of the typical language use like the first of my core values was
• 45:01
  shut up. Still is And wait, we need more
• 45:06
  context. Yes, and I've got to give a
• 45:08
  context, it's a very loaded meaning, but to me, shut up,
• 45:15
  there's many things, what it means to listen, more talk, less
• 45:18
  listen, more. It really helps and
• 45:21
  communication to be a better listener.
• 45:25
  And actually hear what people are saying to you and from a,
• 45:31
  from a position strictly of Masculine feminine polarity.
• 45:37
  The masculine is typically the silent grounded Mountain.
• 45:43
  Whereas the feminine is often more, more talkative, and more
• 45:46
  flowing and more moving. And for me, as I started to go
• 45:50
  into this personal work, I know, I knew that I needed to work
• 45:54
  more on that masculine energy and being able to hold my space
• 45:58
  and part of doing that was shutting up.
• 46:02
  And I do this a lot with with the men who I'm coaching.
• 46:06
  And for example, and this is, this is a real example.
• 46:11
  Of one of the people I'm coaching is going through and of
• 46:16
  a relationship or break up. And in the early stages of that,
• 46:20
  he was inclined to tell his ex-partner about all the things
• 46:25
  that he was going through because they still had to keep
• 46:28
  their lives together for various reasons.
• 46:31
  And part of what I explained to him was Core values of shut up
• 46:36
  and the benefit in doing that. And it's had huge implications
• 46:40
  positive, implications for him because he stopped going to his
• 46:43
  ex-partner to open up in a moat, everything that was going on in
• 46:47
  his life. And he started to use men, or
• 46:51
  his coach or friends, who would be in a better place to support
• 46:55
  him because before he was looking for validation from her,
• 47:01
  whereas, when he turns and he, and he is able to emerge, It to
• 47:04
  me his coach, he's not doing it for personal validation.
• 47:08
  He's doing it for personal growth.
• 47:11
  You feel like shut up could just be present.
• 47:15
  Yeah, it is changed for me to. It is changed for me, from when
• 47:20
  it started. When I first developed that, it
• 47:23
  was a pretty extreme. And a lot of that was grounded
• 47:28
  in my personal relationship and my marriage.
• 47:30
  And what I needed to do in that situation.
• 47:33
  And so, shut up was a pretty Dream end of it but I need that
• 47:36
  sometimes. I need that extreme something
• 47:39
  too. to basically, Kind of edge within me that the need for that
• 47:48
  and if it was something like oh that's listen better to be a
• 47:51
  little bit quieter, there's not enough Clarity there for me as
• 47:56
  there is with shut the fuck up but you still feel safe to
• 48:01
  express and like everything you have to say is worthy of being
• 48:04
  spoken. Yes.
• 48:06
  But there are containers and their proper containers for it.
• 48:09
  And what part of that for me was learning that some containers
• 48:13
  are not healthy The containers are healthy and it was just
• 48:17
  figuring out where that was as opposed to, this would never be
• 48:21
  my style, but we've ever had those experiences where you're
• 48:24
  standing in line at a grocery store and the person in front of
• 48:27
  you opens up and starts to tell you about their life experience.
• 48:32
  I don't necessarily think that's the healthiest place to do that.
• 48:36
  I think that person needs support.
• 48:39
  I talked about that with the talks about with Mark yesterday
• 48:41
  on the column that boundaries and vulnerability and sharing.
• 48:45
  I struggle with that line a little bit because I feel like
• 48:47
  vulnerabilities one of my superpowers and so Discerning
• 48:51
  with like what am I ready to talk about?
• 48:53
  Even? Yes to that question.
• 48:54
  I started to dive into the what I was learning.
• 48:56
  I was like this is too soon to talk about it.
• 48:59
  It's an important piece to learn of like What is sacred and what
• 49:04
  is for us or what is to be in the confined container of like
• 49:08
  just a therapist and timing timing of sharing?
• 49:12
  And yeah there's there's a lot of yes here at you're saying
• 49:17
  entirely and agree. Yeah.
• 49:20
  I don't know if you want to hear any other core values, but
• 49:22
  that's that's it, I do. I think I have seven Stillness
• 49:26
  is one of them which is more again a nod to that masculine
• 49:29
  side of things, just being very still and calm and kind of
• 49:33
  grounded in my actions. Accountability of course is one
• 49:36
  of them but they have been powerful for me.
• 49:39
  Those anchor points have been incredibly powerful and on
• 49:42
  Retreats especially on the boat building Retreat.
• 49:44
  The men will come up with those anchor points and we will speak
• 49:48
  of them will share them. And that way the other man can
• 49:51
  help hold hold each of us accountable towards 0 to those
• 49:54
  anchor points. I love that name of those anchor
• 49:57
  points. I could feel like you're so good
• 49:59
  at storytelling. I can like feel the bow and the
• 50:02
  I'm like yes totally. It's important it's really
• 50:06
  important. I'm so impressed by like hunting
• 50:10
  and any any kind of like very like yeah everything that you
• 50:14
  talk about with your Retreats feel so important and Yeah,
• 50:19
  yeah, well, if I could ever eat a hay bale, I would be so good
• 50:23
  at bringing those down really solid at shooting.
• 50:27
  Hey, bills. I don't know about anything
• 50:29
  moving though. No, you can't do you do.
• 50:34
  Are you plant base or doing me? What's your I've never, I don't
• 50:40
  put a label on it. It does vary.
• 50:43
  So, on our farm, we have chickens a lot.
• 50:47
  Too many probably. We also have goats, my wife
• 50:51
  would never. Let us eat a goat.
• 50:53
  So that's out of the question. Goats are our pets in our lawn
• 50:58
  mowers and our provider of manure.
• 51:01
  But for the chickens, we do have to call some of the herd every
• 51:05
  now and again, and we just Did Sunday.
• 51:09
  I just had to slaughter quite a number of roosters and that's
• 51:14
  very hard to do and it's, it's an experience where every time
• 51:18
  we do it, it certainly puts us in a different state of mind, a
• 51:22
  different state of spirituality, and there's always the reverence
• 51:26
  for the life that I'm about to take.
• 51:28
  And, and then the process of doing it and everything.
• 51:32
  It's because we raised these chickens from Little jiggling.
• 51:36
  We hatch our eggs. And that's part of why we have
• 51:39
  to call the Flock, because we had her own eggs.
• 51:41
  And so we get 50% roosters as opposed to going out and buying
• 51:46
  hence, since we hatch our own, we get a lot of roosters.
• 51:49
  And then we have to have to have to take some of them out of the
• 51:53
  flock. So I do eat those, not often but
• 51:59
  now I have a freezer, that's very much full and so I guess
• 52:03
  it's good. Timing heading into the winter
• 52:05
  season, I'll have, I'll have A lot of chicken soups nourishing
• 52:09
  nourishing soups and that regard chicken noodle soup.
• 52:12
  I guess it's otherwise though, there's not much that I do, eat
• 52:18
  animal wise, if I'm like hunted, or like deer elk or anything.
• 52:24
  I have people who are close to me, who do hunt and so I'm often
• 52:28
  provided with those things, but more.
• 52:31
  So the not lately I'm finding that I'm I'm actually going away
• 52:35
  from Having meat in my diet at all and no, I've never
• 52:40
  personally hunted. It's always been something that
• 52:43
  I was raised by a mom, who would literally hug a bear in the
• 52:49
  wild. If the bear seemed huggable and
• 52:51
  they all, they all seem huggable to her.
• 52:56
  I think I would, I would still be disowned as her son if she
• 52:59
  ever learned that I was hunting anything.
• 53:02
  So I came up and then upbringing where it's just my family did
• 53:05
  not hunt. And it would be a very big
• 53:09
  stretch for me to actually and I'm guess I've gotten close to
• 53:14
  that by killing our chickens, but it would still be a big
• 53:18
  stretch for me to actually shoot something.
• 53:20
  I love the responsibility of you killing your own meat is very
• 53:23
  impressive. I do, I agree with you and I
• 53:28
  think if it, if I felt my body needed it, I would do it.
• 53:32
  I would probably do it. I don't feel my body needs it.
• 53:37
  As a matter of fact, I feel like my Vitality is off the charts
• 53:41
  and I'm 90. Well, I'm really 99%
• 53:46
  plant-based, but it's something where I feel like my nutrition
• 53:51
  is one of the few things that I one of the things I don't have
• 53:55
  to worry about because I live in this beautiful farm and I
• 53:58
  literally just walk out to harvest most of my meals.
• 54:01
  And I don't feel the craving for that.
• 54:05
  Meat base supplement within the meals.
• 54:09
  So beautiful, thank you for sharing that.
• 54:13
  You're welcome. I'm very impressing people
• 54:15
  Hunter. I mean it's like, very except
• 54:17
  I'm sorry to let you down. Do you, do you kill your own
• 54:19
  Brewster's Todd? I touch of a hunt.
• 54:24
  No, it's that. I mean it takes gets I also did
• 54:27
  a medical medium cleanse and was really surprised with how much
• 54:30
  energy I Had like I'm leaning into our Vedic stuff right now,
• 54:35
  so it's less meat based as well. Isn't the medical medium is an
• 54:41
  incredible? Yeah, totally cause I'm I'm like
• 54:44
  vodka and pizza and so like I like cooked veggies and I like
• 54:49
  really don't like salads and like raw vegetables.
• 54:52
  Yeah. So the vodka and me wasn't happy
• 54:55
  on this food but I'm it's been really cool.
• 54:59
  Doing a lot of like lentils and beans and like stews and like
• 55:05
  yams, like a lot of like root vegetables and Earth.
• 55:07
  Vegetables was feeling really good so but yeah no I felt
• 55:11
  amazing after his nine day cleanse like incredible.
• 55:14
  Yeah. Celery juice every morning.
• 55:16
  Yeah, a lot of people in my life or doing some version of his
• 55:21
  recommendations Anthony Williams and it's been very profound for
• 55:26
  many of them last. And we chatted.
• 55:30
  There's, there's no, this isn't a good segue for it.
• 55:32
  But anyway, last time we chatted, you were talking about
• 55:35
  reconciliation and you shared a story about your father and you
• 55:42
  left us hanging at the end of that podcast with a part, two to
• 55:46
  come. And I'm just wondering if you
• 55:48
  want to do that today. If you want to share the second
• 55:51
  half of that story or save that for another time, where did we
• 55:54
  leave off in the story? I was hoping you remembered.
• 55:59
  Had I found him. I know I don't, I know I think
• 56:10
  you just the reconsideration makes me think about the story
• 56:14
  from when I met him on word because it's very largely been a
• 56:17
  journey of forgiveness and, you know, that's been the theme of
• 56:23
  since finding him and processing.
• 56:25
  That's really when therapy started for me.
• 56:28
  I'm gonna take a guess just That memory that you hadn't found him
• 56:33
  yet. I think you the first part of
• 56:35
  that story was you seeking him out and you you doing that work
• 56:41
  to figure out who your dad was and perhaps how you could find
• 56:45
  them but I don't think you would actually met him.
• 56:48
  Yeah, so I can I'm happy to recap.
• 56:52
  I it's a whole book that I want to write and it's a movie script
• 56:57
  as well. But I Love it because I feel
• 57:02
  like so many of us have been estranged or distant from a
• 57:06
  family member and, you know, there's just a lot of the word
• 57:13
  almost feels like, abandonment, even though it was like
• 57:15
  emotional or physical. It's like, there's just so much
• 57:17
  of us had this experience with other parent or another and
• 57:22
  feels largely resident to the whole Human Experience.
• 57:25
  But yeah. So my, my mom and dad met in
• 57:29
  India in Wet and my dad was there in like an Osho ashram and
• 57:37
  they lived in a beach naked like total hippies for a few months
• 57:42
  and their love story. Actually, took place.
• 57:44
  It was only six months total and it was spread out between India,
• 57:49
  Whitehorse Canada, and in Greece.
• 57:54
  And so it was like two months, two months, two months, and it
• 57:58
  was not sure how long it was spread out over.
• 58:01
  But they had a really beautiful worldly, love and I'm almost
• 58:08
  having a little cabin in the Yukon and white horse in Canada,
• 58:12
  and that was like the last little segment.
• 58:13
  So, he flew in from Greece and she picked him up from
• 58:17
  Vancouver, which is where he bought a ticket to which is
• 58:19
  nowhere near the Yukon. She like had to like I think she
• 58:23
  like had to like quit her job. Just got a letter from my dad
• 58:26
  saying that he'd like bought a ticket and he was arriving in to
• 58:28
  come get him and she was like, okay, okay.
• 58:32
  And like loaded up the her vehicle with her Bush dogs and
• 58:37
  dress, the right country anyway, yeah I guess.
• 58:39
  Yeah. And apparently, my dad brought a
• 58:42
  pop Jar full of Olives over the border and like a bunch of food.
• 58:48
  Like of course he did. He sends me home with a suitcase
• 58:51
  of food when I go it's a legal. I brought in all of Oil and like
• 58:55
  all kinds of her ribs and probably definitely illegal.
• 58:58
  But he's always like, in this debate and he like, says people
• 59:01
  like, Greek salt that we gather together you.
• 59:03
  Yeah, you appreciate that. You appreciate them.
• 59:07
  So anyways, Circle back to white horse in the Yukon and so yeah,
• 59:14
  my mom and him kind of fell out of love and they split up.
• 59:19
  He flew home at the end of their six-month journey and then she
• 59:23
  realized she was pregnant. And you know, on some levels
• 59:29
  wanted to pour it on some levels was really afraid.
• 59:31
  My father was going to take me and he was actually with a new
• 59:35
  woman who was pregnant. My mom contacted him.
• 59:39
  So he had this parallel of being with a woman and kind of being
• 59:42
  and my father who like I mean he just got a phone I think, six
• 59:47
  years ago and I got a whole story there, but like technology
• 59:50
  is not his thing. Canada was really far away.
• 59:53
  And so they kind of connected. He knew of my existence and then
• 59:57
  lost track and my mom. Yeah, I went on lived, her life,
• 1:00:04
  and I think we've talked about this as well, she's gay.
• 1:00:07
  And so I think I stayed one other guy after my mom or my dad
• 1:00:12
  and I didn't really feel a conscious need to find him for a
• 1:00:18
  long time. And then I was 20 around 20, or
• 1:00:22
  no, no! I was like 19 and I got some
• 1:00:26
  body work, some muscle testing body work done.
• 1:00:30
  And I remember her pulling up all of these moments in my life,
• 1:00:34
  like being dropped and create Creek and almost dying when I
• 1:00:36
  was little. And like all of these moments
• 1:00:39
  surfaced in the session we were in Calgary and Edmonton at the
• 1:00:42
  time travel to Calgary to see her.
• 1:00:46
  And after the session I remember being like cool but like no big
• 1:00:50
  like huge aha's and and that night Night.
• 1:00:53
  I was laying in bed in a hotel room in Calgary and jolted up
• 1:00:59
  right and did not consciously, bring the words up,
• 1:01:03
  systematically from my body. The words came out of my mouth
• 1:01:05
  saying you know, I want to I want to find my father and I
• 1:01:09
  started to cry and I was like what?
• 1:01:12
  Like processed like fuck. Where did that come from?
• 1:01:16
  And I remember my mom being like okay and I took a few years
• 1:01:21
  still, I didn't start the Or any right away.
• 1:01:23
  It wasn't the first time I'd been aware that was in need and
• 1:01:28
  I had a great childhood being raised by two moms.
• 1:01:30
  And it was interesting is interesting to have my body,
• 1:01:35
  pulled it out in this Muscle Therapy is really cool and I
• 1:01:40
  started when I was around 21, that's one of the first things I
• 1:01:44
  did was read my mom's journal and her diary from when she was
• 1:01:47
  younger and was like, a detective just following Clues.
• 1:01:51
  And the first thing I did was mailed, bunch of letters.
• 1:01:54
  I found all these names and addresses and cut out pictures.
• 1:01:58
  And a lot of those were returned because like failed the to be
• 1:02:05
  delivered and I actually found out a couple of years ago that
• 1:02:08
  my father's fathers and my grandfather had received the
• 1:02:12
  letter. He passed away and she like
• 1:02:14
  found me on Facebook or something and she was like did
• 1:02:16
  you find your dad? Because I was cleaning out my
• 1:02:19
  grandfather's house and found this letter from you.
• 1:02:22
  So That's cool. I guess my grand dad knew about
• 1:02:24
  me for a minute. I never met him old-fashioned
• 1:02:29
  like had writing letters. Sue does that anymore, right?
• 1:02:33
  It's so cool that you were able to do that.
• 1:02:35
  Yes, so that didn't quite work. So then my next detective move
• 1:02:39
  was well, my father had been really good friends with his
• 1:02:44
  family, who owned a Taverna called a gap that you see in
• 1:02:46
  Crete, Greece and my mom had stayed there in there, two
• 1:02:49
  months, love stint in Greece. And so I was like, well, What if
• 1:02:53
  that restaurant is still open and they know where he is.
• 1:02:55
  So I called the Greek directory. My father's name is Niko's
• 1:03:00
  varieties and in Greece, everybody has the same name.
• 1:03:03
  So everybody is named Niko's varieties but I got a bunch of
• 1:03:06
  Niko's varieties and creep and I also asked for a dappy opposed
• 1:03:11
  to Lucky which is the name of the woman who ran the restaurant
• 1:03:14
  and the directory person was like, well there's no Agape
• 1:03:17
  opposed to Lucky but there's Maria postal lucky and I'm like,
• 1:03:22
  okay, I'll take it. At this point, everybody's Maria
• 1:03:24
  opposed to Lucky. And I'm like sure.
• 1:03:27
  And so I called this Maria post a Lockheed and it actually ended
• 1:03:32
  up being the sister of Agape. They were related and I got on
• 1:03:38
  the phone with a gappy and I she didn't speak very good English
• 1:03:43
  and I started to account and share the story.
• 1:03:46
  But the thing was, is that I kept calling my dad soon der,
• 1:03:50
  and that was his said, yes. And me that he got Not when he
• 1:03:53
  was, you know, a follower of Osho and they didn't know him as
• 1:03:57
  Sundar. They knew him this Niko's.
• 1:03:58
  I'm so on this call. I'm talking and talking and
• 1:04:02
  talking and calling him sooner. She's no idea what I'm talking
• 1:04:04
  about. And finally, out of nowhere
• 1:04:06
  unconsciously. I was like Nico's and then she
• 1:04:08
  was like, oh my God. Cause you can just like, oh no,
• 1:04:14
  like we haven't seen him in like 21 years.
• 1:04:18
  Like we haven't seen him since your mom came here with him.
• 1:04:22
  Like we hope he's not dead and I remember getting off the call
• 1:04:27
  just being like fuck. What if he's dead?
• 1:04:29
  What if I find it? But if I don't like what if I do
• 1:04:32
  find him and he's dead and I called my grandmother and she's
• 1:04:35
  English and she was like, cool cut the go make a cup of tea pet
• 1:04:39
  like Like T, goes with tears and to this day whenever I'm sad, I
• 1:04:42
  immediately go and make tea. So that worked, it's good value
• 1:04:46
  system. I encourage that for anybody
• 1:04:48
  else, if you want some comfort, it's much healthier than
• 1:04:50
  alcohol. And I, and then, from that
• 1:04:56
  moment, I had a bit of a discouragement.
• 1:04:58
  If anyone's tried to find a family member, there's often a
• 1:05:01
  roller coaster and I got derailed, and then I ended up
• 1:05:05
  getting put in touch with a gap. He had a daughter, Maria,
• 1:05:08
  obviously, and We had like met my mom.
• 1:05:11
  Remember my mom and she spoke? Excellent English?
• 1:05:13
  And so, I got on the phone with Maria, her daughter and I gave
• 1:05:17
  her my list of Niko's varieties from the directory and she
• 1:05:19
  called all of them and interrogated them thoroughly.
• 1:05:23
  And none of them were my father, and at the end of it, she said,
• 1:05:26
  well, you know, you're half Greek.
• 1:05:28
  So like your father was our family.
• 1:05:30
  You are a family, come here, like whether you find him or
• 1:05:32
  not, this is your country come. And I was like, okay, it's a
• 1:05:38
  nice ate up a shit, ton of money, and I was like, I'm going
• 1:05:40
  to go to Greece anyway, it was serving at the time and
• 1:05:42
  bartending and traveling the world.
• 1:05:46
  When my for a trip alone to a few countries.
• 1:05:49
  So I wanted to get my feet wet as a Solo Traveler went to like
• 1:05:52
  Peru and a couple other places and continued searching.
• 1:05:57
  And my next try was I have it's 25 degrees at 5 degrees of
• 1:06:01
  separation. Thank you, 6.
• 1:06:06
  I don't know. All right.
• 1:06:07
  So there's a, my mom was Kevin Bacon, right?
• 1:06:09
  I don't even know. My mom, my mom was on a Dragon
• 1:06:14
  Boat Racing team in Edmonton it's like a Long Boat, lots of
• 1:06:19
  people in it, you know it is okay.
• 1:06:21
  And there was a woman on that Dragon Boat Racing team who had
• 1:06:24
  a friend in Athens just so this is the beautiful needle in a
• 1:06:28
  haystack like how the fuck was this the link.
• 1:06:31
  And so she's like well I'm going to hook you up with this woman
• 1:06:35
  in Athens that you have a contact in Athens and I'm like,
• 1:06:38
  great and so I remembered it was a the timing of this I don't
• 1:06:42
  believe in people are like what a coincidence.
• 1:06:46
  I'm like no that shit is fate and manifested and chosen and
• 1:06:49
  intentional and on purpose. Yeah.
• 1:06:51
  So this morning, I have been talking with my mom about Osho
• 1:06:56
  and all of the contradiction around his spiritual centers and
• 1:06:59
  how he was actually putting money towards like guns and all
• 1:07:02
  of this stuff that showed up about him later.
• 1:07:04
  And I were having a big long talk, and then I got out of this
• 1:07:09
  conversation. Station with her about Osho,
• 1:07:11
  went into the computer room and got on our like home computer
• 1:07:17
  and this woman from Athens was on Facebook.
• 1:07:21
  I was like hello. So we're talking and she's like,
• 1:07:24
  okay so like what's your next clue?
• 1:07:26
  And I'm like well my dad was in the military.
• 1:07:29
  His mom passed away in June of 1990 from cancer and or maybe it
• 1:07:34
  was like it was before June Isis when I was born.
• 1:07:37
  So it was like there was a date when she had passed away and
• 1:07:39
  then He had also, his dad had been a dentist.
• 1:07:42
  I was like, we could look up death records.
• 1:07:45
  We could look up military records and she stopped me and
• 1:07:49
  said, oh wait, Hannah like you, keep calling him soon.
• 1:07:53
  Der over and over again, sooner likewise to endure.
• 1:07:57
  And I was like, oh, it's just like kids as in.
• 1:08:02
  Yes. I mean, with the same from Osho
• 1:08:04
  and she's like well what? If he's still religious Why
• 1:08:07
  don't until she looked up? And she googled this link for
• 1:08:09
  Osho meditation, centers in Greece and like pulled up.
• 1:08:14
  I don't even know. There was like 15 of them and I
• 1:08:18
  was like, oh, fuck it. And just like wrote this big
• 1:08:21
  email being like, hey, my name is Jana.
• 1:08:23
  I'm looking for my father and you know, he was partook in the
• 1:08:27
  Goa ashram in India and 1990 and his sanyasa name is sooner.
• 1:08:32
  It has Greek name is Nicholas varieties and my mother's Miss
• 1:08:37
  Louisa and coming to Greece, I would really love to to meet
• 1:08:40
  him. I send this email out.
• 1:08:42
  I'm like it's like emailing National Geographic or
• 1:08:47
  something. Like I'm not really expecting a
• 1:08:49
  response and I get an email back a few days later from this woman
• 1:08:54
  and she's like hey like I was so touched by your email and I've
• 1:08:59
  managed to track down a friend of your father's.
• 1:09:03
  He lives in Athens and she's track.
• 1:09:06
  Down your father. This is his cell phone number.
• 1:09:12
  I've got goosebumps. And I didn't taught, I didn't
• 1:09:17
  even hesitate, and this is definitely like, reflective of
• 1:09:20
  my Hunger to understand and to learn, and to know.
• 1:09:22
  And that, like, I literally just, like, picked up the phone
• 1:09:26
  and like, just like call them when he had been, they had
• 1:09:31
  called him first to say. Hey, your daughter's found us.
• 1:09:34
  And, you know, do you want to be in contact with her?
• 1:09:36
  Can we get for your information and okay, he took, he told me he
• 1:09:39
  went to this Lake and he was just pacing around it.
• 1:09:43
  Going through a toll roller coaster of Regret and guilt and
• 1:09:46
  joy, and all the things and he remembers perfectly when I
• 1:09:49
  called. Yeah.
• 1:09:51
  It's basically just like what's the first thing you said to him?
• 1:09:56
  Hey my name is Jana. I'm Louise's daughter.
• 1:10:01
  Okay. What's the first found thing?
• 1:10:03
  You said it wasn't a very profound conversation.
• 1:10:06
  I think I was largely in shock, you know.
• 1:10:08
  I yeah. He said, like he doesn't speak
• 1:10:10
  very good English and he was like, you know, I hear you're
• 1:10:13
  coming to Greece, it's like yeah.
• 1:10:15
  Yeah. And he's like, you know, I don't
• 1:10:16
  have much, I've built a house with my hands, there's no
• 1:10:19
  electricity but like you're welcome to stay with me and and
• 1:10:24
  I think it was like a couple of minutes.
• 1:10:25
  And then the next day he called the house film where I was but
• 1:10:30
  Mom and she answered the phone, so I got woken up to yes.
• 1:10:35
  Ooh, yes. Ooh, and they hadn't talked
• 1:10:37
  since wow, then he was like, you have three.
• 1:10:40
  Siblings smells like Mamma Mia. So that I yes, three
• 1:10:46
  half-siblings as well. So it was like a whole journey
• 1:10:51
  man, and his story. Yeah, so that's the book.
• 1:10:56
  I'm going to be working on and movie script, is there?
• 1:10:59
  It's a very visual piece for me. Hmm.
• 1:11:02
  And of course, that was probably really only the beginning of the
• 1:11:08
  experience with your father. How have you been impacted by
• 1:11:13
  that repatriation with him? It's been such a journey.
• 1:11:17
  I like didn't know that I had a pain body or wound until I went
• 1:11:21
  there. Like I literally had been that
• 1:11:23
  was my personal development start work.
• 1:11:25
  Like really started like I had no idea, I was angry.
• 1:11:28
  I had no idea. I was heard, I had no idea, I
• 1:11:30
  felt abandoned and then I it was like, kind of like what our
• 1:11:34
  world is doing right now. Then I came back, it was like
• 1:11:38
  three and a personal development course sounds, great, mom, where
• 1:11:41
  do I sign up? I'm so mad.
• 1:11:45
  And and yeah, and that's kind of where I first started to to dive
• 1:11:52
  in and, you know, spend a journey.
• 1:11:55
  The first couple visits were hard and I don't feel like my
• 1:11:58
  dad felt connected. He shared later that he didn't
• 1:12:01
  feel super connected. We didn't feel super connected,
• 1:12:02
  it's like he's meeting a stranger when you're in adults
• 1:12:05
  but the last few times that we visited in the last few years
• 1:12:10
  and then going more frequently and there is a connection and
• 1:12:14
  it's Keys taking pride and showing up and being father and
• 1:12:19
  to the point of him wanting to spend so much time that I'm
• 1:12:21
  like, I need some space is too much as he's so.
• 1:12:26
  So there and it has been a beautiful gift to walk and the
• 1:12:33
  theme I think is absolutely forgiveness.
• 1:12:36
  Forgiveness of him. Forgiveness of That mean that
• 1:12:41
  the men that I chose that were traveling on.
• 1:12:44
  Look, we always look for the loves that we didn't receive
• 1:12:46
  from our parents, it's missing and yeah hands of the world.
• 1:12:50
  So all those avoidant and unavailable men that I crucified
• 1:12:54
  there was a whole journey around.
• 1:12:56
  Like oh you know, and and it continues to be a journey.
• 1:13:00
  Still a journey largely. Yeah.
• 1:13:05
  Yeah. And how do you find your choices
• 1:13:11
  and relationships have changed as you've healed through this
• 1:13:16
  question and I while you're thinking about it, I'm just
• 1:13:22
  looking for the book on my shelf here, but is this part of the
• 1:13:27
  work of Getting the love that you want.
• 1:13:32
  By horrible Hendrix, and Helen Helen Hunt.
• 1:13:36
  Are you familiar with that now? I feel like I should be.
• 1:13:38
  Wow. Okay, horrible Hendrix, and
• 1:13:40
  Helen Hunt's wrote getting the love you want, which is based on
• 1:13:43
  their theory of Imago, which is Imago means image.
• 1:13:49
  And in this Theory we seek soulmates or Partners who are in
• 1:13:54
  the image of our caregivers. But in particular it's in what
• 1:13:59
  we did not receive from our caregivers Basically, we're
• 1:14:03
  seeking people who are going to perpetuate the, the
• 1:14:08
  insecurities, the, on fulfillments, the unmet needs
• 1:14:11
  because we still have an unfinished narrative from our
• 1:14:16
  caregivers. And so, for example, if you grow
• 1:14:19
  up without a father, which is certainly the epitome of
• 1:14:23
  absence, then you might seek men who are very absent and your
• 1:14:27
  relationship. Maybe their firefighters who go
• 1:14:30
  away for six months at a time to fight fire.
• 1:14:32
  Fires or maybe they're just emotionally option and it's
• 1:14:35
  really hard to connect with them.
• 1:14:39
  Incredible work. And so from that also comes with
• 1:14:42
  a have is Imago communication, which is very similar to
• 1:14:45
  nonviolent communication, but it is a way of taking 100%
• 1:14:49
  accountability for our own shit during our communication, with
• 1:14:54
  our partners. Rather than saying when you did
• 1:14:57
  this, it made me feel We spend that and say when you do this, I
• 1:15:03
  feel this as it's our, our choice to feel that as it is, no
• 1:15:08
  one is making you feel it. Incredible.
• 1:15:10
  Work that they do and they're still coaching and leading
• 1:15:15
  Retreats for couples and it's an amazing work.
• 1:15:19
  But that is basically what I think you were referring to and
• 1:15:23
  seeking Partners who are a continuation of this unfinished
• 1:15:27
  narrative. And as we heal, Theoretically
• 1:15:32
  and our partners will help us do that.
• 1:15:36
  That's why we actually are. It's not a coincidence that
• 1:15:38
  we're ending up with these Partners.
• 1:15:39
  We're actually seeking these Partners to heal and it's most
• 1:15:43
  often unconsciously, but as we do heal, and maybe that's
• 1:15:47
  because we meet our father and do work to heal that
• 1:15:50
  relationship, or maybe it is in a relationship triggers, come
• 1:15:55
  up, someone does personal exploration and realizes that
• 1:16:00
  That oh shit. This is my baggage.
• 1:16:02
  And so as that part is healed, then that relationship will
• 1:16:07
  transform. That relationship may even end.
• 1:16:10
  Because someone may realize that oh yeah, I no longer need you or
• 1:16:14
  both Partners may end up transforming and what was their.
• 1:16:18
  Their biggest weakness, might not become one of their biggest
• 1:16:20
  strengths anyway. I was a long.
• 1:16:24
  No, no, it's tentatively to. I love Marshall rosenberg's work
• 1:16:28
  and I am Planted and it's, I get ultimate accountability.
• 1:16:34
  When I witnessed this, I felt this, the story I created, this
• 1:16:37
  is what I need. It's like so beautiful and clear
• 1:16:40
  and accountable, and yeah, yeah, so my original question is, how
• 1:16:44
  has this healing Journey with your father impacted your
• 1:16:49
  personal relationships? I'm currently still I mean there
• 1:16:52
  was definitely a transition the last few years like I've had a
• 1:16:56
  lot of there's definitely been a shift.
• 1:16:59
  I'm still not in a loving. Being committed Partnerships was
• 1:17:01
  a part of me that feels like, it's not totally healed, you
• 1:17:05
  know? But then we're never totally
• 1:17:06
  healed were we can heal parts of but I have I definitely noticed
• 1:17:11
  a turn of from men from a few years ago to a lot of men
• 1:17:17
  showing up who are incredibly available secure and wanted to
• 1:17:20
  like commit to me and be my life partner and move here from Spain
• 1:17:24
  and cook me. Lentils, and take care of.
• 1:17:25
  Like, it was like, I did choose, like I said, was a huge, like,
• 1:17:28
  swish of like Men who were available and who really wanted
• 1:17:33
  to participate and be committed. And I, I'm currently unpacking a
• 1:17:37
  bit of that because my last relationship was, it was
• 1:17:44
  surprising to me how it started and ended and obviously looking
• 1:17:47
  back and you're like maybe wasn't so surprising but I will
• 1:17:52
  say that it feels like there's a link there where there's still a
• 1:17:55
  theme of disappointment was been in my life for sure.
• 1:17:58
  That's just a little theme is often feel Disappointed and and
• 1:18:02
  not met is there. So there has been an upgrade I
• 1:18:05
  think in the men that I'm attracting but they're still
• 1:18:08
  just those little piece. I was just talking with Larry
• 1:18:11
  about that. I was like where he's done so
• 1:18:12
  much work when I hear if it's and he's like I know baby we're
• 1:18:15
  96%. There is fuck.
• 1:18:17
  Where's the other four percent? Since which I'm hoping is going
• 1:18:24
  to be that 4%. But when you, when you say a
• 1:18:26
  disappointment, can you put a fine?
• 1:18:29
  Okay. No, not great.
• 1:18:30
  So halfway through quarantine, everything got intense, anyone
• 1:18:36
  who's listening to? Those, if you've been in a
• 1:18:37
  relationship or partnership, I think that relationships got
• 1:18:39
  intense, but my partner basically, just had a moment
• 1:18:44
  where I was like, I don't know who I am.
• 1:18:46
  I need to figure out all my stuff.
• 1:18:47
  I don't know what's important to me.
• 1:18:49
  I need to like, go have some space and like, questioned.
• 1:18:53
  All of these non-negotiables iGrill men on the first date
• 1:18:56
  about certain things that are non-negotiable for me.
• 1:18:58
  And he was like, I got a question all of those.
• 1:19:00
  So it Like the whole foundation and grounding was like that we
• 1:19:03
  had and I actually had the opportunity to do something
• 1:19:08
  really cool. Which was I hate the gray.
• 1:19:12
  I hate the uncomfortable if a man throws great at me.
• 1:19:15
  I usually run away faster than I can and I'll compartmentalize it
• 1:19:18
  myself. I'll make a black hole May quite
• 1:19:20
  a piece out and doesn't feel safe.
• 1:19:23
  And so I allowed I for the first time in my life, chose willingly
• 1:19:31
  because I could have ended the relationship shows to hold space
• 1:19:35
  for that gray. And said, okay, so go be with go
• 1:19:42
  be with the uncertainty, go be with yourself, the take the
• 1:19:44
  space, but take the time and that was one of the biggest
• 1:19:48
  Gifts of that relationship was like, okay, I stayed in the gray
• 1:19:52
  and I learned to create a relationship with mystery
• 1:19:54
  because for me mystery has never been safe with men.
• 1:19:57
  And so, to be with mystery and to be in that there's really
• 1:20:02
  beautiful and was like a really great experience.
• 1:20:04
  And the at the end of it, The relationship did not work out
• 1:20:08
  and from a really clear place, I always like to do more but all
• 1:20:12
  the things that you want anymore are realizations.
• 1:20:15
  But but it provided for you and it's really everything is
• 1:20:20
  working out. Even, even the pieces that are
• 1:20:22
  reoccurring, all of them have gifts inside of them.
• 1:20:26
  And I have definitely noticed a huge shift in the men that are
• 1:20:31
  showing up. I was still say, there was a
• 1:20:33
  little piece of my pattern that is playing out that I'm working
• 1:20:35
  on. so, the mystery could be related to The mystery of your
• 1:20:42
  father for all those years. And so that gray area right now
• 1:20:47
  is something where you're still struggling to find comfort in
• 1:20:50
  because of and I'm just projecting this potential fear
• 1:20:54
  Rising hypothesizing. But that's that's really really
• 1:20:59
  cool that on this time. You were able to sit with that
• 1:21:01
  into to hold space for that. Yeah well the first reaction was
• 1:21:06
  like it's over and then I yeah. Thought about it for a few hours
• 1:21:09
  looks like wait I Just because you're unclear, doesn't mean I
• 1:21:13
  need to be unclear. I can be stronger than that.
• 1:21:15
  So yeah, it's been, it's beautiful.
• 1:21:19
  But I also have realized a huge piece of connecting with.
• 1:21:22
  My work has been the realization that even when we get the
• 1:21:26
  relationship or we make half a million dollars, we have this
• 1:21:29
  illusion meant that something will be on the other side of
• 1:21:31
  that, and when I got into the relationship, I was like, this
• 1:21:34
  is great, but like my world didn't change and when I made
• 1:21:37
  half a million dollars, it was great, but my world didn't
• 1:21:40
  change. JH.
• 1:21:41
  And so what I'm actually working out right now is not Love or
• 1:21:45
  Money or any of the things I'm working on right now is we often
• 1:21:49
  attached contentment and feeling good and joy as a destination
• 1:21:54
  point that we will arrive to after we get the relationship
• 1:21:58
  where we complete the healing of the father, whatever it is the
• 1:22:01
  peace. And for me, it's like well how
• 1:22:03
  do I step into feeling good and work on feeling good right now.
• 1:22:07
  Before I have the Rockstar admit that I'm looking for.
• 1:22:11
  Yeah. For, I have the, you know, all
• 1:22:13
  of the things the problems that were we were talking about a bit
• 1:22:16
  or things are trying to solve and those things it's like, how
• 1:22:19
  do we get into a state of feeling good right now and be in
• 1:22:21
  that Vortex and space to move through this world with so that
• 1:22:24
  when we arrive because there is no Final Destination and it's
• 1:22:28
  like, you know, there's just you make half a million dollars and
• 1:22:31
  then you're hit with all kinds of other stuff.
• 1:22:33
  It's like it's not like we were under disillusionment that
• 1:22:37
  something will bring us peace or contentment or joy.
• 1:22:39
  And I think that One of the biggest things I've been leaning
• 1:22:43
  into is like, how do I just focus on feeling good right now
• 1:22:48
  and what we attract or more in that space?
• 1:22:53
  Yeah, well, I think that goes back to what we were talking
• 1:22:56
  about with taking that radical accountability and understanding
• 1:23:01
  that it's nothing external that we're going to ever find that is
• 1:23:05
  going to put us there. It's got to come from within and
• 1:23:10
  it's always right there. But the hardest journey is
• 1:23:13
  figuring out how to be in how to be in that moment.
• 1:23:17
  And as Joshua Hathaway said, on our most recent interview, I
• 1:23:21
  think he said the the hardest Journey or the longest journey
• 1:23:25
  is the journey back to this moment.
• 1:23:28
  We get so caught up and meeting all these deadlines and we put
• 1:23:32
  responsibilities on ourselves and things that we feel that we
• 1:23:37
  need to do and it is so easy to lose.
• 1:23:41
  Lose track of up the journey. This moment totally.
• 1:23:48
  And that's it. Yeah, continuously but we
• 1:23:51
  struggle so much of that is probably like a defense
• 1:23:53
  mechanism with our brains trying to control the future
• 1:23:56
  constantly, right? I don't know other things to
• 1:24:02
  unpack. But yeah, what now is unfolding
• 1:24:07
  for you, as this as this course, that you've created this
• 1:24:12
  beautiful program is taking shape, it's happening.
• 1:24:15
  It's going to be for the next year or so, what does it
• 1:24:17
  September to August of next year?
• 1:24:22
  Is that your primary focus during this next year you've got
• 1:24:24
  some other things too, that your yeah.
• 1:24:27
  I'm I'm not excited about creation right now, I'm excited
• 1:24:30
  about Simplicity, honoring things with presents.
• 1:24:34
  So for that, yes, I'm focusing on this program.
• 1:24:37
  I'm focusing, I just closed down, and I went on one practice
• 1:24:41
  and, and getting really deserting.
• 1:24:45
  I'm like, you know, Affiliates being an affiliate really want
• 1:24:48
  to do that that much. Like, there's a lot of, like
• 1:24:50
  pieces, Is that I'm leaning into it like how to have an elegantly
• 1:24:53
  simple business and so that really looks like this program
• 1:24:58
  and I have to self publish books that are ready to go.
• 1:25:00
  So I'll probably launch those at some point in the next year, but
• 1:25:03
  it's going to be a low-key like Digital Book.
• 1:25:07
  Launch with like a big Zoom room with a bunch of people and maybe
• 1:25:10
  some ads and nothing intense. So yeah, those are my main focal
• 1:25:16
  points and just fine-tuning the internal, it's about creating
• 1:25:21
  sure and support and finding the right team and the right pieces
• 1:25:24
  and then also supporting deeply. But I'm already holding.
• 1:25:27
  I don't feel a flurry to create anything right now.
• 1:25:31
  And what is the medicine that you found in your truth?
• 1:25:35
  During this experience are, what is what are, what is coming up
• 1:25:39
  coming up? Perhaps, you haven't even fully
• 1:25:42
  realized it yet, but kind of it does feel like there has been
• 1:25:49
  touching on parts of it, but there is There is a gift to
• 1:25:54
  presence and I noticed as a Creator, like literally in the
• 1:25:58
  last month, I've been like close down these five aspects of my
• 1:26:01
  business, like don't need that. Don't want that.
• 1:26:03
  Don't want that. It's like discernment around
• 1:26:07
  life, force and energy and is Simplicity country that you're
• 1:26:12
  coming too. Yeah, like, you know, my my had
• 1:26:15
  a meeting with, like, my CP and my bookkeeper and there were
• 1:26:18
  like, so, what are you going to like, do another launch?
• 1:26:19
  I was like not for a long time. You know, it's like not about
• 1:26:23
  constant creation, creation, creation launching.
• 1:26:27
  There's a piece here for me. It feels like around presence,
• 1:26:31
  honoring things with presents, honoring, the people in the
• 1:26:34
  program honoring this first round and experience with people
• 1:26:38
  and also finding that internal team of people who are
• 1:26:42
  supporting me that support me as deeply as I support this world
• 1:26:46
  because I'm deeply looking for people that are high in
• 1:26:48
  Integrity to hold space. For the mechanics of my
• 1:26:53
  business. So I'm in an open heart surgery
• 1:26:56
  of my business right now as well, which is a focal point.
• 1:27:00
  If you get a chance, I would love for you to, at least listen
• 1:27:04
  to my friend, Crystal black Gifford on a previous episode
• 1:27:08
  that I did with her. And she's an incredible leader,
• 1:27:11
  and powerful woman, who's doing a lot of things, very similar to
• 1:27:15
  you. She's leading hundreds and
• 1:27:16
  hundreds of women, and she's, as we talked in our episode, she's
• 1:27:21
  going through this Falling apart right now and what she is,
• 1:27:25
  letting go of all expectations, letting go of all pressures that
• 1:27:28
  are upon ourselves and upon her. And she's only saying yes to
• 1:27:32
  those things that are a full. Yes, but it's really hard for
• 1:27:36
  her to step out of that. Go, go, go drive, because she's
• 1:27:39
  always created and now she's going through this phase of just
• 1:27:45
  Pulling back and waiting until something feels 100% right and
• 1:27:50
  it's been very transformative for her and it's it reminds me
• 1:27:56
  you speaking of your journey for more Simplicity and reminds me
• 1:28:00
  very much of the conversation that we had to check it out.
• 1:28:06
  Yeah it's a huge piece. It's like how do we do less be
• 1:28:10
  more present? Give more of ourselves to the
• 1:28:11
  things that are in Arizona genius.
• 1:28:15
  So important. Well, I really greatly value.
• 1:28:22
  These moments that you, and I get to sit down and chat and,
• 1:28:26
  and your friendship. I had to reschedule on you very
• 1:28:29
  last minute only a week ago and you reached out to me to offer,
• 1:28:33
  any sort of support you could give her what I was going
• 1:28:36
  through at that point. And I really appreciate that you
• 1:28:39
  hear your compassion and sincerity or incredible.
• 1:28:44
  So, thank you for being part of my life, being a friend and for
• 1:28:50
  coming on and sharing some of your amazing experiences and
• 1:28:54
  life lessons. Thank you for your presence.
• 1:28:59
  I have such resonance with who you are and, you know, we don't
• 1:29:03
  want to be friends with everybody that we do business
• 1:29:04
  with, but like I genuinely, okay, come live on your property
• 1:29:08
  and come come, hang out, and I really value everything you're
• 1:29:14
  doing in the world. I need to do to teachers of
• 1:29:16
  Truth talks because I feel like you have so much to speak in to
• 1:29:19
  say let's see how the first one and then you can invite me
• 1:29:24
  anyway. No I already know from this
• 1:29:26
  video will be great but yeah and now I really appreciate all of
• 1:29:30
  the value. You create in your existence and
• 1:29:34
  all that you touch and I love these conversations to thank you
• 1:29:37
  for, thank you for having me on. And yeah it's just a pleasure to
• 1:29:42
  be here. Great, where Can people find out
• 1:29:46
  more about you and your program before we go?
• 1:29:49
  There's just a wait list right now, but if I go to my website,
• 1:29:53
  there's information on me and they can put their email on the
• 1:29:55
  wait list for once. I because it's always a
• 1:29:58
  reinvention, I'm nothing will nothing will be the same that I
• 1:30:01
  do ever. There will be a reinvention of
• 1:30:04
  this. So there's a wait list to be
• 1:30:05
  notified of there will be a different version of it so okay.
• 1:30:11
  Yeah and that's your name and there's also.
• 1:30:14
  Yes there's your truth. Your medicine.com is the wait
• 1:30:16
  list and then Jana Robinson, J A&E, Robinson english.com.
• 1:30:24
  Wait, that's not English in the domain.
• 1:30:28
  I'll put it in the show notes. Yeah and yeah, that's right.
• 1:30:36
  Yeah, well, congratulations on pulling 31 years of experience
• 1:30:41
  and life lessons together and a beautiful Owing to the world and
• 1:30:46
  I'm so happy that people are taking taking advantage of that
• 1:30:50
  to help with their own personal growth.
• 1:30:52
  So thank you. I'm so excited for your talk.
• 1:30:58
  Got to be continued. Yeah, I look forward to
• 1:31:01
  connecting with you again. So thank you Anna.
• 1:31:03
  Thank you. Thanks for listening to Salish,
• 1:31:12
  wolf brought to you by Anchor Point expeditions to learn more
• 1:31:16
  about Jana Robinson's work. Visit her website at Jana
• 1:31:20
  Robinson.com that is Jana spelled ja NN e.
• 1:31:26
  Al though her your truth is your medicine immersion is now closed
• 1:31:30
  for registration. You can be added to the wait
• 1:31:32
  list by going to. Your truth is your medicine.
• 1:31:35
  Dot-com, please check out Anchor Point Expeditions.com for more
• 1:31:40
  information on, my Men's Leadership, Retreats and
• 1:31:43
  personal development coaching. My next Retreat, is a bow
• 1:31:46
  building Retreat on November 25th through 29th and Powell
• 1:31:50
  River BC where I will lead six men on a life-changing inner
• 1:31:54
  exploration while we carve our own English longbows.
• 1:31:58
  Only two spots remain. So please sign up soon or
• 1:32:02
  connect with me so we can discuss how this opportunity.
• 1:32:05
  Could impact you. This show is produced by me,
• 1:32:08
  Todd Howard, on Vancouver Island, music was written and
• 1:32:11
  performed by Jason cows at the darcys special.
• 1:32:14
  Thanks to Pacific Rim college for their ongoing contribution
• 1:32:17
  to the show. / episodes on Holistic Health & Wellness.
• 1:32:21
  Please tune in to my other podcast, Pacific Rim College
• 1:32:24
  radio at Pacific Rim college.com.
• 1:32:28
  If you enjoyed this podcast, please give it a five star
• 1:32:31
  rating on, whatever podcast app you are using and share it with
• 1:32:34
  your friends. And family.
• 1:32:36
  Stay tuned for my upcoming doc. Cast takea Chronicles,
• 1:32:39
  featuring. The inspirational story of the
• 1:32:41
  lone wolf that mesmerised the city of Victoria by taking up
• 1:32:45
  residence on a tiny island off. The city's Coastline there,
• 1:32:49
  takea thrived showing us even the most unlikely is possible.
• 1:32:54
  You have been listening to Salish wolf.
• 1:32:57
  I am Todd Howard signing off.