Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #66| How to FINALLY Feel Empowered and Break Free From Overwhelm by Holding Boundaries and Not People Pleasing

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#66| How to FINALLY Feel Empowered and Break Free From Overwhelm by Holding Boundaries and Not People Pleasing · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

• 0:00
  Courtney: Probably about a month in, I had this moment where I saw myself separating thought from emotion.
• 0:13
  Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
• 0:20
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
• 0:25
  Michelle Gauthier: On this show we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
• 0:37
  Michelle Gauthier: Hey friend, thanks for joining today.
• 0:41
  Michelle Gauthier: Today we have a great interview for you.
• 0:44
  Michelle Gauthier: It is my former client, Courtney, and she started off feeling like she was so overwhelmed that she could just cry at the drop of a hat, and in this episode she's going to tell you how she went from feeling totally overwhelmed to finding calm and balance in her life.
• 1:01
  Michelle Gauthier: One thing she mentioned that I thought was really interesting is that she tried several methods to reduce her own stress and none of it worked.
• 1:08
  Michelle Gauthier: So when I say she's going to teach you through her experience what actually worked, you know it's tried and true and proven because she tried a bunch of things.
• 1:16
  Michelle Gauthier: So today you're going to hear about how she does manage her overwhelm, and a lot of that has to do with changing your mindset, and she's going to tell you exactly what that means.
• 1:27
  Michelle Gauthier: She is going to give tips for not just creating boundaries but holding boundaries, which is the harder part of boundaries, and how she did that.
• 1:37
  Michelle Gauthier: She sort of took a step-by-step approach.
• 1:39
  Michelle Gauthier: So she's going to tell you about that.
• 1:41
  Michelle Gauthier: And then why sharing struggles with other like-minded women was the catalyst for change for her.
• 1:48
  Michelle Gauthier: So I think you're going to really enjoy this interview.
• 1:51
  Michelle Gauthier: I also wanted to let you know that, starting today and only for this week, so the week of July 8th, group coaching, which is the coaching that Courtney did, is open for registration.
• 2:04
  Michelle Gauthier: It's only open for one week for registration and it starts in August.
• 2:09
  Michelle Gauthier: The first step to do if you are interested in joining group coaching is to click on the link in the show notes and set up 15 minutes to talk to me.
• 2:18
  Michelle Gauthier: That way we can have a conversation, I can make sure that I answer any questions that you might have and we can make sure that group coaching is a great fit for you.
• 2:26
  Michelle Gauthier: So click on the link and set up some time with me so you can learn more.
• 2:32
  Michelle Gauthier: Now let's hear what Courtney has to say.
• 2:33
  Michelle Gauthier: Courtney, thank you so much for joining us today.
• 2:37
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for having me.
• 2:39
  Michelle Gauthier: Happy to be here, absolutely.
• 2:41
  Michelle Gauthier: SO I want to start off just by asking you about group coaching in general.
• 2:47
  Michelle Gauthier: I want to know two things, really: had you ever done something like that before?
• 2:51
  Michelle Gauthier: Were you like a group coaching veteran or was this your first time?
• 2:54
  Michelle Gauthier: And also, why did you decide to join?
• 2:58
  Courtney: Great question.
• 2:59
  Courtney: I am not a group coaching veteran but was excited to try it and before I decided to join I was hitting the point of constant state of overwhelm.
• 3:12
  Courtney: Right, it was on the hamster wheel, as they like to say, where you just keep going and you say like, okay, I just have to get through this week or finish this project and I'll be good.
• 3:21
  Courtney: But my brain was never turning off and as much as I told myself it was normal because I'm a mom of young kids and I have this demanding job.
• 3:33
  Courtney: My friends were telling me you know, you need to lower the stress in your life, you need more self-care.
• 3:38
  Courtney: It wasn't for lack of trying.
• 3:40
  Courtney: I tried things, they just weren't sticking.
• 3:42
  Courtney: And so I say that the universe brought me to you because towards the end of last year I just was feeling at a bit of a loss; not my normal self, just having a harder time managing it all.
• 3:54
  Courtney: And one of my dear friends at the same time told me about your group coaching and that I should check it out.
• 4:01
  Courtney: And so for me, feeling kind of what I was feeling, which was just not my normal self, knowing I needed a change, and the idea of like learning with other like-minded people, like I was all in.
• 4:14
  Courtney: It was an easy, easy decision.
• 4:17
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh, good, good, I'm glad it came exactly at the right time.
• 4:20
  Michelle Gauthier: Maybe you saying this is making it exactly the right time for someone else, too, you never know because I feel like, as you're describing what your life felt like before, there are many people who are listening who are shaking their heads, like, yes, I know how that feels and I know how it feels too, from being in that position where you try these different things and it feels like they might work for a while, like I'd try to get super organized or get caught up on all my email or something like that, and I'd feel good for like 10 minutes, and then I'd wake up the next day and be like, oh, that all went to crap.
• 4:48
  Michelle Gauthier: Now I've got to start over again and have the same feeling.
• 4:51
  Michelle Gauthier: So I feel like that is - everyone listening will probably understand that for sure.
• 4:57
  Michelle Gauthier: So you mentioned that you wanted to learn alongside other women.
• 5:01
  Michelle Gauthier: I find it very empowering to be among other women, but something that I notice a lot when I have one-on-one clients, so not group coaching clients, is that they always feel like they're the only one with this problem.
• 5:14
  Michelle Gauthier: So were you pleasantly surprised to see that people were feeling I mean, it wasn't the exact same with other people in the group, but were you pleasantly surprised to find out that you were not alone?
• 5:26
  Courtney: Absolutely! And pleasantly surprised to see how much in common we all had or how much we were able to all help each other, when, at face value, you probably wouldn't have thought that, right?
• 5:37
  Courtney: We live in different areas, we're in a different chapter of our lives, a lot of us, right, but we still, in my opinion, were able to gain and help each other.
• 5:47
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, which I thought was so awesome.
• 5:47
  Michelle Gauthier: It's just kind of the magic that happens when the group all gets together, which I love.
• 5:51
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, great.
• 5:52
  Michelle Gauthier: So now at this point, let's just imagine you've gotten started on group coaching.
• 5:56
  Michelle Gauthier: You've kind of met some of the other women.
• 5:58
  Michelle Gauthier: Do you remember how long it took until you started feeling better?
• 6:02
  Michelle Gauthier: Not like all the way, oh, I feel amazing now, but just like a little bit of relief from how you had been feeling.
• 6:15
  Courtney: I would say like a month into it.
• 6:15
  Courtney: I mean, the overwhelm was real, I still had a big mountain to climb, but probably about a month in I had this moment where I saw myself separating like thought from emotion.
• 6:25
  Courtney: So I remember early on in one of our sessions we talked about me being like up to my eyeballs in emotion because the stress or the overwhelm was like at such this kind of sad or defeated state.
• 6:38
  Courtney: Those tears, for me right, they were like readily available.
• 6:42
  Michelle Gauthier: Such a good way to say it, right behind your eyes for any moment when they could come out.
• 6:49
  Courtney: Yes, exactly.
• 6:49
  Courtney: I remember you did a session on I'm trying to remember the exact name, but it's like why feelings matter and also it talks about the thought model, right?
• 6:59
  Courtney: And I sat down with myself that day and I'm like, what is that feeling behind the stress or the overwhelm?
• 7:06
  Courtney: And I then changed that thought of you know, I'm overwhelmed, I'm exhausted, there's no way I can do this, to I'm choosing this, like I'm choosing to be a mom, I'm choosing to be a leader and I'm good at it, right, because there's that radical responsibility
• 7:22
  Courtney: part in there too.
• 7:23
  Courtney: It kind of was all coming together.
• 7:29
  Courtney: And that felt real to me, that felt authentic.
• 7:30
  Courtney: And then it shifted from that overwhelmed feeling to just feeling more empowered and being your own skin.
• 7:35
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yeah, that's so awesome and I think it's so important to note, too, that really, the only thing that changed was the way that you were thinking about it, like your job didn't get less stressful, or being a mom didn't get less stressful, i t was just the way that you were thinking about it enabled you to feel empowered, which is so awesome, and sometimes I think when I talk about well, we'll use mindfulness to change your overwhelm, people are like what are you talking about?
• 8:00
  Michelle Gauthier: That's what I'm talking about is, you know, understanding those tools and being able to really be in charge of how you're thinking about it, and you're not going to probably go from feeling overwhelmed to like fantastic, but you can go from feeling overwhelmed to a little bit empowered or even neutral, which is a better place to be, in my opinion, than feeling overwhelmed.
• 8:19
  Michelle Gauthier: So you just mentioned some of the tools that we use.
• 8:22
  Michelle Gauthier: Was there like one best thing and that could be you know, something somebody said to you or a particular tool?
• 8:30
  Michelle Gauthier: Was there one thing that sticks out as your favorite part?
• 8:34
  Courtney: Yes, the favorite part -
• 8:37
  Courtney: well, you can't not say the people, first of all, like I feel like everyone's going to say the people, so I'll give you another one, but I feel like that's important because a lot of people are nervous about talking about something so vulnerable in front of people, and so I think every single person who joins comes and is a little bit nervous about being in a group and talking in a group, and then at the end everyone says the people are their favorite.
• 9:00
  Courtney: So I think that's really important to say.
• 9:02
  Courtney: I t was a very supportive, caring group of people and they were motivated and I felt very safe and I think everyone did.
• 9:10
  Courtney: I don't think it was just me.
• 9:11
  Courtney: The other part that I really liked because, truthfully, going into it, I was like how the heck am I going to do this with everything else I have going on?
• 9:20
  Courtney: So, as a working mom, I really liked that it was, I call it, like digestible or in bite sizes that I could really handle with the rest of my crazy life.
• 9:30
  Courtney: And it ended up being like my special treat for the week, like what I looked forward to to watch my video or journal in my notebook and get to focus on ways to make like little, bite-sized ways to make my day-to-day life a lot more comfortable.
• 9:45
  Michelle Gauthier: That is awesome.
• 9:46
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that's such great feedback, and I'm so glad to hear that, because in designing the program, I was definitely trying to think of myself when I felt that way and too much would have been just impossible.
• 9:57
  Michelle Gauthier: I feel like, at least for me, when I feel too much, I'm just likely to not do it at all.
• 10:01
  Michelle Gauthier: So every week there are videos that come out and they only get released on that week, so you couldn't even binge it if you wanted to.
• 10:07
  Michelle Gauthier: Not that anyone who joins group coaching has time for that, for binging, no, but you get a new video every week.
• 10:13
  Michelle Gauthier: I think the longest is 20 minutes, usually they're like 10 minutes and then you journal about them in your notebook and then come to group coaching.
• 10:20
  Michelle Gauthier: So I love that.
• 10:22
  Michelle Gauthier: And didn't you have a special time of day too?
• 10:24
  Michelle Gauthier: Like, did you do it on Friday mornings or something?
• 10:26
  Michelle Gauthier: I kind of remember that you had a special time that you'd work on it.
• 10:29
  Courtney: I did.
• 10:30
  Courtney: So I did it on Saturday morning because Friday mornings was our coaching call, but I will tell you I still have both of those times saved for me.
• 10:40
  Courtney: I just do different things.
• 10:44
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh, that's awesome! So you still have that space reserved for doing something for yourself.
• 10:48
  Michelle Gauthier: That's awesome.
• 10:48
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, good, just in general.
• 10:50
  Michelle Gauthier: How does your life feel now compared to before you started coaching?
• 10:55
  Courtney: Right.
• 10:56
  Courtney: So I mean fundamentally nothing's changed, right?
• 10:59
  Courtney: Like my family life's the same, my crazy job's the same, but I do live life a lot calmer and I've carved out time just for me on a regular basis, which has been really important for me.
• 11:10
  Courtney: And I have noticed, believe it or not, I do less work, less effort, and I'm achieving the same results.
• 11:19
  Courtney: And it took a lot for me to say that out loud, Michelle, because it just sounds insane to me, but that is my truth and that's not to say I'm still not overwhelmed or stressed sometimes, but it's shorter time periods and less impactful on my emotional well-being or my day-to-day.
• 11:38
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yeah, that's so awesome.
• 11:41
  Michelle Gauthier: I absolutely love that, because that's another thing that people would be like wait, so I do less work but still get the same results and feel better.
• 11:50
  Michelle Gauthier: It happens all the time in my coaching, but it sounds so crazy until you actually do it, and everyone who seems to be attracted to my coaching and the things that I teach are usually like A-plus overachievers - takes one to know one, I think - and so the idea of doing anything less than A-plus work usually feels really painful.
• 12:11
  Michelle Gauthier: But we find out that there is a sweet spot where we can feel calm and still be doing that good, solid work that we feel proud of.
• 12:19
  Michelle Gauthier: So that is great, that's awesome.
• 12:21
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, now I want to ask you the two questions that I ask every guest on this show.
• 12:25
  Michelle Gauthier: The first one is what is something that you do or can do to make yourself feel less overwhelmed?
• 12:32
  Courtney: Yeah, okay.
• 12:33
  Courtney: So if I have the time my go-to is to get outside, get that fresh air, get your body moving, take a walk in nature.
• 12:40
  Courtney: But I work remote, I'm on Zoom a lot, I'm a mom, so that doesn't happen that often for me.
• 12:46
  Courtney: So my go-to, like on the day-to-day, what really helps me, is my vision board.
• 12:52
  Courtney: So early on in group coaching we did a vision board - my first one, by the way - and it's digital, so I have it saved as the background on my computer screen.
• 13:02
  Courtney: So if I'm having a discomfort or like a hard moment or just like finish a Zoom and I want to like jump out the window, I just look at my vision board and so like ground me and remind me like what's important, how do I want to feel, how do I want to live my life.
• 13:18
  Michelle Gauthier: That is fantastic.
• 13:20
  Michelle Gauthier: While we're on that topic, were you nervous about making a vision board in the first place, or was that exciting to you?
• 13:25
  Courtney: So nervous, no, so nervous.
• 13:27
  Courtney: We all were going to share them, and I'd never done it before.
• 13:32
  Courtney: So, of course, I'm like I don't know if it's going to be, and I only have like five or six things on it and it was fun, though.
• 13:37
  Courtney: Then I kind of got into it.
• 13:37
  Courtney: I'm like, ooh, this one makes me feel really calm, this one's really like joyful, I don't know.
• 13:42
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, I think a lot of people have the perception that you have to be -
• 13:46
  Michelle Gauthier: well, maybe the old ones where you'd get a magazine and cut out all the stuff, like it has to be beautiful or whatever.
• 13:51
  Michelle Gauthier: But I feel like the instructions we have where you can just digitally find things that kind of make you feel inspired and you're proving it over and over again.
• 13:59
  Michelle Gauthier: That's such a great idea to use it.
• 14:01
  Michelle Gauthier: As you're talking, I'm looking over at my vision board.
• 14:03
  Michelle Gauthier: I have mine printed out but it's over on my wall and I do the same - look at it several times a day just to remind myself, like this is where I'm going.
• 14:11
  Michelle Gauthier: Or in a lot of cases and you probably found this in coaching too you put together this vision board and you're like wow, I actually have a lot of these things already.
• 14:21
  Michelle Gauthier: Like there are some things that I want, but I have a lot.
• 14:22
  Michelle Gauthier: Like, for example, you have your two kids, you live somewhere where you can be outside, you have all these things that are already there or almost there, and I think that's a really good feeling too.
• 14:33
  Michelle Gauthier: And then my second question for you is what's something you consistently do to save time or do less?
• 14:41
  Courtney: The do less part is the part that really resonates with me.
• 14:45
  Courtney: So one thing that I do to do less for myself and my family actually is I don't plan out our whole weekend, so I'll have like one thing planned for the weekend, or if there's an sporting event, I won't do anything else that day, because it's really important for us to kind of have that white space to do what we want to do, or that last minute invite to go get ice cream with friends, or it's a really sunny day so let's go to the beach.
• 15:08
  Courtney: Like having the ability to kind of do that makes a difference for us and if we feel like doing nothing, we do nothing.
• 15:16
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, oh my gosh, and that's like that Sunday night feeling, when you've had a jam-packed weekend where you plan every minute of it, is just the worst.
• 15:25
  Michelle Gauthier: I just came back from out of town and I spent the whole day Sunday because I was busy all weekend, but when I got home I was ordering the groceries and blah, blah, blah and I ended up just feeling stressed on Sunday and I thought I do not usually feel like this because I don't pack this much into a weekend.
• 15:42
  Michelle Gauthier: I think that's such a smart way to do it and probably saves a lot of I mean, based on your kids' ages saves a lot of like meltdowns and you know, overscheduled kids always tend to lose it at some point.
• 15:54
  Courtney: Great and our mom and not being able to see them very much during the week because of working.
• 15:58
  Courtney: Then I got you know that quality time together.
• 16:00
  Courtney: That's important and makes a difference.
• 16:02
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 16:04
  Michelle Gauthier: My favorite quality time is when we're actually not doing anything special, like when we're all just kind of hanging out at the house doing whatever.
• 16:10
  Michelle Gauthier: I love that, okay.
• 16:12
  Michelle Gauthier: Wonderful.
• 16:12
  Michelle Gauthier: Is there anything that I have not asked you that you want to share or tell us?
• 16:18
  Courtney: I have one thing to share, which is one of the most important things I learned, I think, from the session was that setting boundaries is not about setting boundaries.
• 16:27
  Courtney: It's actually about enforcing them, and that was the hardest thing I learned, but one of the most beneficial.
• 16:33
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yes.
• 16:34
  Michelle Gauthier: What did you find hard about it?
• 16:36
  Courtney: I learned a lot.
• 16:36
  Courtney: So what's important to me in life is to be that reliable person for my team, for my family, and that means I was making myself pretty much available 24-7.
• 16:46
  Courtney: And I think all of us know that it's not - you know, it's not - it gets less and less sustainable as your family grows and your career grows.
• 16:53
  Courtney: So I was trying to set a boundary around that and I think it was baby steps, right, and the first one was limit emails at night and on the weekend, and when I was doing this, I was still checking email and I wasn't interacting.
• 17:07
  Courtney: So I thought, oh, I'm doing my boundary.
• 17:10
  Courtney: Yeah, no, like my brain is still turned on if you're checking your email.
• 17:14
  Courtney: What's really enforcing that boundary is just to not check your email at all and let go of whatever you're worried about if you don't check your email.
• 17:22
  Courtney: So that was hard for me.
• 17:24
  Michelle Gauthier: Absolutely, I think writing down the boundary is the easiest part, and then there's like, the doing it.
• 17:30
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, that makes so much sense.
• 17:31
  Michelle Gauthier: I do think, though, you've made a really good middle step by checking it but not answering, and you realize, oh, that doesn't actually make me feel better, like that's not getting me to where I wanted to be.
• 17:42
  Michelle Gauthier: So I think that's a good like first step to a boundary.
• 17:46
  Michelle Gauthier: Do you still hold that boundary now?
• 17:49
  Michelle Gauthier: Absolutely, it's a game changer.
• 17:51
  Michelle Gauthier: I keep saying game changer, but it is, yeah.
• 17:53
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 17:54
  Michelle Gauthier: I think, too, that it gets to be a habit that we're not even evaluating.
• 17:58
  Michelle Gauthier: Do I want to do this anymore?
• 17:59
  Michelle Gauthier: And we just do it?
• 18:00
  Michelle Gauthier: And when you stop doing it, then it becomes a habit in the other direction, like I just don't check my emails on the weekend, it's just fine, yeah, yeah, that's awesome.
• 18:10
  Michelle Gauthier: Well, thank you so much for being here.
• 18:12
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm so glad that you were willing to come on and tell us about your experience.
• 18:17
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much, of course.
• 18:19
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you, okay.
• 18:26
  Michelle Gauthier: So, as you heard today, Courtney had an amazing experience and has changed her life from feeling completely overwhelming to being completely manageable.
• 18:30
  Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes she feels calm, sometimes she still gets overwhelmed, but when she does, she knows exactly what to do with it.
• 18:37
  Michelle Gauthier: If you want to feel like that, I want to remind you that this is exactly what we do in The Good Life Group Coaching, and it is open starting today and only for this week for registration.
• 18:48
  Michelle Gauthier: The link is at the very top of the show notes for you to set up a 15-minute no-pressure session to talk to me to see if group coaching is right for you.
• 18:57
  Michelle Gauthier: If you want to get these kind of results, click on the link and set up a time with me today.
• 19:01
  Michelle Gauthier: Have a great week.
• 19:02
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 19:10
  Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.
• 19:14
  Michelle Gauthier: com.
• 19:16
  Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.