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You've Got Decisions: SubDom Dilemma · Decisions, Decisions

0:01
Speaker 1: If you would like to have us answer your questions.
0:04
Speaker 1: If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
0:07
Speaker 1: a terrible throatfle guess what.
0:11
Speaker 2: You've got decisions. You've got the decision.
0:19
Speaker 1: And I do too.
0:22
Speaker 2: Okay, that was I think one logo on the you
0:26
Speaker 2: Google litt Snap Clip Pop. Welcome, y'all. It's hump day,
0:30
Speaker 2: it's you got decisions. It's another day of y'all asking
0:34
Speaker 2: us for advice. Although we are not credentialed or degreed
0:38
Speaker 2: or expert at none of this ship, we just lived
0:42
Speaker 2: a little bit of life. It can help y'all along
0:44
Speaker 2: the way of making better decisions after your horrible decisions.
0:51
Speaker 2: If you have a letter or need some advice from us,
0:54
Speaker 2: email us Decisions Pod at gmail dot com. Now this
1:01
Speaker 2: week the letter comes in from a gentleman weezy helping
1:07
Speaker 2: a man out now and this man sent photos, so
1:14
Speaker 2: I know exactly who the hell you are. All Right,
1:18
Speaker 2: you ready because this is getting into BDSM babe, let's
1:22
Speaker 2: do it, hey, ladies, help. I'm a dom in a
1:28
Speaker 2: DS relationship, so dom sub relationship these days, that's not
1:34
Speaker 2: such a big deal. What is unique is that my
1:38
Speaker 2: submissive of almost three years is my wife's best friend
1:43
Speaker 2: of over twenty years my wife of over thirty years. Okay,
1:52
Speaker 2: he is in a dom sub relationship, but that relationship
1:58
Speaker 2: his submissive that he's had for almost three years is
2:04
Speaker 2: his wife's best.
2:05
Speaker 1: Friend of over twenty years. Oh godam so he is.
2:10
Speaker 2: He has a wife and his sub is his wife's
2:13
Speaker 2: best friend. Let's get my wife of over thirty years
2:17
Speaker 2: and I have gradually over the years dabbled in BDSM,
2:22
Speaker 2: getting serious about it. In the last five years or so,
2:25
Speaker 2: we've actually professionally performed and instructed others a few times.
2:30
Speaker 2: The thing is, though we are both doms.
2:34
Speaker 1: Okay, now I see what's happening.
2:37
Speaker 2: It all started when we joined a rope slash BDSM
2:41
Speaker 2: slash dungeon space in Detroit. Her BFF came along and
2:46
Speaker 2: I discovered she was submissive, and at the time we
2:50
Speaker 2: went to the space we were just cordial. The wife
2:53
Speaker 2: suggested you two should have a scene. We were both reluctant,
2:58
Speaker 2: but decided to give it a go. Instant chemistry. After
3:03
Speaker 2: a few more trips to the space and a few
3:05
Speaker 2: more scenes, I asked the wife if she was okay
3:08
Speaker 2: with me asking her BFF to be my submissive, she said.
3:14
Speaker 2: She said the thought had crossed her mind, and she
3:17
Speaker 2: thinks it's a good idea, So I asked, she said, yes,
3:20
Speaker 2: and here we are lots of scenes and every BDSM
3:23
Speaker 2: activity you can think of. Later, we've done fireplay, I
3:27
Speaker 2: wonder why no.
3:28
Speaker 1: Like throuple talk. Okay, but we're not at the end yet.
3:31
Speaker 2: Nevermind fireplay, water play, electra play, section play, et cetera,
3:36
Speaker 2: et cetera. Later, we've all been to Heto together and
3:41
Speaker 2: the first year we all hung played together and had
3:45
Speaker 2: a couple threesomes. They had played a couple times one
3:49
Speaker 2: on one in the past, but after the first trip,
3:52
Speaker 2: the wife said she was uncomfortable having sex with her
3:55
Speaker 2: BFF these days because she's more of a sister now.
3:59
Speaker 2: Second trip together, last Labor Day weekend at Hito, we
4:03
Speaker 2: had no threesomes, but a couple of extremely hot scenes
4:06
Speaker 2: with my sub including a flogging in the grotto on
4:10
Speaker 2: the nude side with my water flogger in front of
4:12
Speaker 2: an audience. That trip, I noticed a change in my
4:15
Speaker 2: wife's attitude and total vibe. Ooho, not the performance. Heading
4:22
Speaker 2: into this year, the wife asked me, do you have
4:26
Speaker 2: to do BDSM shit? This trip. Now, my sub and
4:31
Speaker 2: I have a weekly scene here in Detroit, but outside
4:35
Speaker 2: of that, all other interactions are as my wife's best friend.
4:41
Speaker 2: My wife has stated that she wants our trip this
4:43
Speaker 2: year to be like before the DS dynamics started, just
4:47
Speaker 2: me and her. She's let me play at heto in
4:50
Speaker 2: the past, but that dynamic, she feels takes away from
4:54
Speaker 2: her wife status. From my vantage point, she's the wife
5:00
Speaker 2: and her BFF is the sub.
5:02
Speaker 1: Come and it's been twenty years, he said.
5:04
Speaker 2: Completely different relationships. No no, no, he's only been with
5:08
Speaker 2: the sub three years and yes, with his wife for
5:10
Speaker 2: over a certain No.
5:11
Speaker 1: No, no, sorry, sorry, but the three years is a
5:13
Speaker 1: long time to allow something to go on to start
5:15
Speaker 1: to feel away.
5:16
Speaker 2: But okay, yeah, my vantage point, she's the wife and
5:21
Speaker 2: her BFF is the sub, Completely different relationships. As much
5:25
Speaker 2: as I would love to all play together, I understand
5:27
Speaker 2: and respect the note threesome rule, but I am a
5:30
Speaker 2: dom and you and you cannot turn that on and off. Also,
5:35
Speaker 2: she's my sub and her at hto just doing what
5:39
Speaker 2: the fuck ever without my permission is also ridiculous. The
5:43
Speaker 2: trip is fast approaching and I need advice or at
5:47
Speaker 2: least y'all take on this side. Note, I've been listening
5:51
Speaker 2: to horrible decisions for years and fan the fuck out
5:54
Speaker 2: last year when I met Mandy at Hito with Choco Bliss.
6:00
Speaker 2: I do because I'm not gonna put the other details
6:02
Speaker 2: he added in here. Thanks in advance for taking the
6:05
Speaker 2: time to read all of this, he's said. Remember when
6:07
Speaker 2: I started a thing he did not that wasn't this,
6:10
Speaker 2: But I'm not even gonna say it. But yeah, he
6:14
Speaker 2: included picks for reference, so I know exactly who he is. Okay,
6:18
Speaker 2: So his dilemma overall, he is in a dom sub
6:24
Speaker 2: relationship for three years with his wife's best friend. The
6:29
Speaker 2: wife is no longer comfortable with joining in, but now
6:34
Speaker 2: also for this next trip to Hito, just wants it
6:38
Speaker 2: to be a him and her doesn't want BDSM, and
6:42
Speaker 2: he now feels like he has to be away from
6:46
Speaker 2: his sub who is also going on this trip. What
6:50
Speaker 2: advice do we have and all things? I guess I
6:52
Speaker 2: could start here. Luckily it is June. You do have
7:00
Speaker 2: two months to me. When you're in these ethically non
7:05
Speaker 2: monogamous relationships, people are allowed to feel a way.
7:09
Speaker 1: That's the first off.
7:11
Speaker 2: So you saying that you're not going to be able
7:13
Speaker 2: to give your sub permission is ridiculous, and you can't
7:16
Speaker 2: believe she doesn't want her there. I think that not
7:21
Speaker 2: only do you and your wife need to sit and
7:24
Speaker 2: reach a point of understanding her feeling a way about
7:30
Speaker 2: this dynamic with the sub, I think you need to
7:34
Speaker 2: explain it. You saying from your advantage point, she's the
7:38
Speaker 2: wife and your BFF is the sub. I think knowing
7:42
Speaker 2: that your wife is a dom you also have to
7:45
Speaker 2: understand that you do now hold a relationship with another
7:51
Speaker 2: woman that has status. Yes, it's not a ring, but
7:57
Speaker 2: that woman holds a status that now you also will
8:00
Speaker 2: want of value and respect and create memories with on
8:03
Speaker 2: a trip that y'all are shared at. I think you're
8:06
Speaker 2: also discrediting or maybe ignoring your wife being able to
8:13
Speaker 2: say that she's uncomfortable.
8:14
Speaker 1: Wait wait, wait quick, real quick on building memories on
8:18
Speaker 1: a trip, because.
8:20
Speaker 2: I have them already, have their trip booked. Okay, Now
8:23
Speaker 2: the wife is saying she doesn't want him to do
8:26
Speaker 2: anything BDSM. She just wants it to be a husband
8:28
Speaker 2: and wife trip. But it's a it's heito, it's a okay.
8:33
Speaker 1: So yeah, I agree with you with everything, but that part.
8:37
Speaker 1: I do think he's kind of tossing her feelings a
8:39
Speaker 1: little bit, and it's weird. I don't know if he's
8:42
Speaker 1: trying to build memories with this bitch.
8:44
Speaker 2: It's not memories, it's the fact that the three of
8:45
Speaker 2: them went, like, booked this trip together, and now the
8:49
Speaker 2: wife is saying, I don't want you to do BDSM things,
8:53
Speaker 2: which means I'm not here for you to do the
8:55
Speaker 2: daddy dom shit. I don't want you to be with
8:57
Speaker 2: your sub. I just wanted to be wife and husband. Yeah,
9:00
Speaker 2: to me, that works if you're going to Puerto Rico.
9:04
Speaker 2: I think that's a little difficult to do on a
9:06
Speaker 2: trip that literally invites BDSM and nominogamy. I also think
9:13
Speaker 2: this baby needs to be squared away before that goddamn trip.
9:19
Speaker 2: Don't bring your relationship dramas or unsettled feelings to this trip,
9:26
Speaker 2: because it's going to magnify them. This has to be
9:30
Speaker 2: a sit down with you and the wife, you and
9:32
Speaker 2: the sub, and you the sub and the wife together.
9:35
Speaker 2: You guys need to be on the same page before
9:37
Speaker 2: this trip.
9:38
Speaker 1: Hmm. Okay, I got some thoughts.
9:47
Speaker 2: Yep.
9:50
Speaker 1: Agree with most of what you said, except for the Hey,
9:53
Speaker 1: you can't make that hut like, well, I mean, you
9:55
Speaker 1: didn't really say it like that, but it's like, this
9:56
Speaker 1: is not the trip to say you wanted to beat
9:58
Speaker 1: his husband and wife. I actually, I think it can be.
10:01
Speaker 1: I have a couple that I know that just went
10:03
Speaker 1: to Heto for the first time that are monogamous and
10:05
Speaker 1: were monogamous. They just explored their own sexuality in this
10:09
Speaker 1: sexual place. I feel like an easy way to describe
10:12
Speaker 1: that for most people who have never been to Heto
10:14
Speaker 1: is going to a strip club and enjoying each other's
10:16
Speaker 1: energy in a space of sexual energy. I think it's
10:19
Speaker 1: okay for her to desire that, And I think where
10:23
Speaker 1: my main issue comes.
10:25
Speaker 2: Maybe because.
10:27
Speaker 1: I'm having safe experiences right now where both of us
10:31
Speaker 1: say stop when we want so listening to this is
10:36
Speaker 1: almost triggering for me. Actually, I had a lot of
10:39
Speaker 1: moments in previous relationships where men would make me feel
10:43
Speaker 1: like when I needed a break or needed time or
10:45
Speaker 1: had a boundary, that I was confusing them and they
10:49
Speaker 1: would say things to me as though like I was
10:51
Speaker 1: kind of fucking up the vibe instead of just prioritize me.
10:57
Speaker 1: I can't pinpoint something because it has happened this year
11:00
Speaker 1: maybe last year, where I was like, yeah, this is
11:04
Speaker 1: a no, and maybe it was something that was going
11:07
Speaker 1: to happen, maybe it was something in the future, and
11:09
Speaker 1: I was like, well, what do I say? And it
11:10
Speaker 1: was like, I don't give a fuck what you said,
11:11
Speaker 1: but I don't want it to happen. And we literally
11:16
Speaker 1: never had another conversation about it after, and vice versa.
11:19
Speaker 1: With me, he has drawn a boundary with me with
11:22
Speaker 1: interactions I have with people where he's like, I don't
11:24
Speaker 1: fucking like this, and I caught myself even being like,
11:28
Speaker 1: but x y Z, that's the thing. If we're going
11:31
Speaker 1: to do this and we're gonna all respect each other,
11:34
Speaker 1: we can't make the other person feel like they're inconveniencing
11:38
Speaker 1: us when they choose to draw up a boundary or
11:41
Speaker 1: say no to something. Your wife may not have the
11:44
Speaker 1: answers on why the BDSM makes her uncomfortable or what
11:47
Speaker 1: about her watching it or knowing about it in public
11:52
Speaker 1: makes it an intimacy thing. She's allowed to want to
11:55
Speaker 1: just experience you, and that to me is well within
11:58
Speaker 1: what we all do within nonminal So I think there
12:01
Speaker 1: needs to be a little bit of checking you got
12:03
Speaker 1: to do with yourself on why you feel so old
12:06
Speaker 1: that it's also a close friend. She's a generous enough
12:11
Speaker 1: person to have allowed you to, you know what I mean,
12:14
Speaker 1: enter in that relationship dynamic, and I truly feel like
12:19
Speaker 1: you're doing a little too much. But I don't know
12:21
Speaker 1: how you feel about that. I also know you know him, so.
12:24
Speaker 2: I don't know. Let's be very clear, I don't know
12:26
Speaker 2: him like that. Seeing the picture, I remember his face.
12:29
Speaker 2: I don't know him like that.
12:30
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, let me just clear that up.
12:33
Speaker 2: Don't know him like that. But I do think that
12:36
Speaker 2: she needs to have a conversation with her best friend.
12:39
Speaker 2: There's something about the relationship with the sub and DOM
12:46
Speaker 2: that is clearly rubbing her a way of some sort.
12:51
Speaker 2: Now knowing that both of y'all are doms, I'll be
12:54
Speaker 2: honest with you. When I entered that couple last year,
12:59
Speaker 2: she I know how to problem seeing her DOM partner sub.
13:03
Speaker 2: For me, I think when you introduce BDSM, there's elements
13:09
Speaker 2: of confusion, there's elements of uncomfort uncomfortability, and I'm gonna
13:15
Speaker 2: draw a wild hear me out. This is a wild parallel,
13:21
Speaker 2: but it could be very similarly. Imagine a partner. Imagine
13:28
Speaker 2: a marriage where the wife allows her partner to have
13:35
Speaker 2: a relationship with a trans woman. There's an element of
13:42
Speaker 2: I can't please my partner the same way, and even
13:45
Speaker 2: though I'm allowing of it, over time, there's an insecurity
13:50
Speaker 2: that becomes the form because you're getting something from this
13:53
Speaker 2: person that I can't give you your wife being a
13:56
Speaker 2: dom like me, I don't even want to be what
14:00
Speaker 2: a straight down. I need a switch. I need a
14:02
Speaker 2: man that can sub.
14:03
Speaker 1: So you know, her woman to fucking do it every
14:05
Speaker 1: single like, let's stop acting like niggas's animals and bitches
14:07
Speaker 1: of animals. You don't need to peg every fucking we
14:10
Speaker 1: peg every mondy, it's not that.
14:12
Speaker 2: But you have to understand.
14:12
Speaker 1: You see all the time.
14:14
Speaker 2: That's fine, okay, So then yeah, but it's not that
14:16
Speaker 2: he's in a relationship with this woman now he said
14:19
Speaker 2: they do scenes every week. This is someone he's with
14:21
Speaker 2: that he can't just discard like this isn't a fetish.
14:24
Speaker 2: He's in a relationship with this sub and they've been
14:26
Speaker 2: in a relationship for three years. So imagine when you
14:29
Speaker 2: had your throuble with with scissors and beard Bay. If
14:32
Speaker 2: y'all had a yearly trip that one year they said,
14:36
Speaker 2: we see this hierarchical thing. We don't want you to
14:38
Speaker 2: go on this trip anymore because we just want to
14:40
Speaker 2: do it ourselves.
14:43
Speaker 1: Can I be honest, I'm not saying this because I'm
14:47
Speaker 1: in a relationship. I want you to know my own thoughts.
14:50
Speaker 2: You paid for it already, this is this is a
14:52
Speaker 2: pay trip they've already.
14:54
Speaker 1: I'm sorry right over here, you nurture your central relationship
14:59
Speaker 1: respect As someone that has also dated someone in an
15:03
Speaker 1: open dynamic where I wasn't their primary I know that
15:07
Speaker 1: things can happen like are we serious here? Who is
15:12
Speaker 1: prioritizing and why do we need to prioritize the second
15:16
Speaker 1: party as in this hurt feelings mode if the main
15:20
Speaker 1: person that has allowed this, there also is a tight
15:23
Speaker 1: knit friendship dynamic within all of them. And this is
15:26
Speaker 1: a great debate too, because I had a conversation and
15:30
Speaker 1: I was actually gonna make this and we listen to judge,
15:31
Speaker 1: I will make it quick and try to make this
15:33
Speaker 1: thirty seconds. One of my homegirls is dating a guy
15:35
Speaker 1: that's an open relationship and basically he told her like, hey,
15:38
Speaker 1: my wife doesn't really fuck with when we do like
15:41
Speaker 1: the movies and shit like bars and going out to
15:45
Speaker 1: the club is cool, but Sean really liked that movie
15:47
Speaker 1: hanging out like that's just too much for her, and
15:52
Speaker 1: she's like, this is so ridiculous, So now I gotta
15:54
Speaker 1: go by myself. And I'm like, bro, it's his wife.
15:57
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, but I And that's where
16:00
Speaker 2: then they don't need to be a non monogamy. I
16:02
Speaker 2: think that it's completely I think that it's disrespectful to
16:06
Speaker 2: feel like the second party can just be discarded or
16:10
Speaker 2: discarded let me finish, I do it is if you can,
16:12
Speaker 2: just if your wife can say we no longer can
16:15
Speaker 2: do movies, then y'all are on the same page with
16:17
Speaker 2: what your boundaries are within non monogamy. Like for me,
16:21
Speaker 2: I don't want my partner going on dates with someone.
16:23
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna let him start taking a bitch on
16:25
Speaker 2: dates and then remove that from someone who enjoys doing
16:28
Speaker 2: that with him. If we're allowed to be difference between
16:33
Speaker 2: polly and open okay, right now, separate relationships. As a man,
16:39
Speaker 2: I actually respect that he's like, I can't just not
16:42
Speaker 2: be with my sub on this trip, who was already
16:44
Speaker 2: a part of this trip and give my wife dictatorship
16:48
Speaker 2: over what I do with this other relationship. Like, that's
16:51
Speaker 2: why I said all of them need to come together. Bro,
16:54
Speaker 2: a second person shouldn't be able to be just discarded.
16:56
Speaker 2: And that's why never discarded. It is a discard if
17:01
Speaker 2: at any point the other woman can come in and
17:04
Speaker 2: tell you.
17:05
Speaker 1: Can in the funk out if you think I'm gonna
17:07
Speaker 1: have a nigga that tells me, hey, uh no, not happening.
17:12
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this with someone else. You're not my
17:13
Speaker 1: man anymore.
17:14
Speaker 2: No, but scared thing that removes the maturity of a
17:19
Speaker 2: conversation that should be had. You're open, I'm talking Polly,
17:26
Speaker 2: you do, but your your your fiance cannot just go
17:30
Speaker 2: and start another whole relationship. Wait can your fiance? I
17:33
Speaker 2: have a girl fiance.
17:35
Speaker 1: I gotta put the mark for cut.
17:36
Speaker 2: No, why you just admitted it last week? Bro, we're
17:38
Speaker 2: on Andy.
17:39
Speaker 1: This is the episode for this week.
17:41
Speaker 2: No, it's not. This is the I have a problems.
17:44
Speaker 1: It's fine, I know, just the one that we put
17:46
Speaker 1: last week. Because I talked about fiance.
17:48
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have the you got decisions schedule pulled up.
17:52
Speaker 2: There's already a schedule. There's already an episode scheduled for
17:56
Speaker 2: next week already, the team already has it. The episod
18:00
Speaker 2: we just recorded comes out on the seventeenth, This compact ahead.
18:03
Speaker 1: I'm just put in the cut mark, go ahead.
18:05
Speaker 2: There shouldn't need only this needs to be cut down
18:07
Speaker 2: like it's already out. What I'm saying is, if you
18:13
Speaker 2: allow your partner to have a girlfriend, and they're allowed
18:16
Speaker 2: to have a relationship, three years into the relationship, you
18:22
Speaker 2: coming and saying, yeah, I don't want you to take
18:24
Speaker 2: that bitch out on movies anymore. But they've been doing
18:26
Speaker 2: movie dates and they do it every week now for
18:29
Speaker 2: the last couple of years, which is what he said.
18:31
Speaker 1: Wait, what is the thing that she doesn't want? She
18:34
Speaker 1: doesn't want him to do it.
18:35
Speaker 2: I don't want him to be with her at all
18:37
Speaker 2: on this trip, but she's the trip is planned for
18:39
Speaker 2: the three of them to go together, and they went
18:41
Speaker 2: the three of them last year together.
18:43
Speaker 1: Okay, hold on. She never said he couldn't have scenes
18:46
Speaker 1: with her. She never said he had to stop seeing her.
18:48
Speaker 1: She has a thing about a public display of them and.
18:53
Speaker 2: Sex at this ship. Let me reread it. She literally
18:56
Speaker 2: said she does not wal on, do you have to
19:01
Speaker 2: do that? Yes, the BDSM on this trip, which is
19:03
Speaker 2: also the dynamic because he says, Wow, my sub gets
19:07
Speaker 2: to do whatever the fuck they want and I don't
19:10
Speaker 2: have any any say or permission. That's ridiculous. She doesn't
19:13
Speaker 2: want him to be in this domb sub relationship on
19:16
Speaker 2: this trip at all. That is not a crazy thing, too.
19:19
Speaker 1: Ro your boyfriend, right, your boyfriend started out push back
19:24
Speaker 1: on you about a woman you were comfortable with, hierarchical
19:28
Speaker 1: you are his wife. Let's just say you are your
19:30
Speaker 1: boyfriends live and partner. Whatever.
19:31
Speaker 2: We know.
19:31
Speaker 1: You don't want me like you know what I'm saying.
19:33
Speaker 1: Why is it that after twenty years a woman he's
19:36
Speaker 1: been dating for three years, you suddenly make a decision. Hey,
19:39
Speaker 1: no BDSM on this trip. It's making me feel a
19:41
Speaker 1: way he got to push back.
19:42
Speaker 2: On you, Mandy, and be like, no, it's not the pushback.
19:46
Speaker 2: Like I said from the beginning, you and the sub
19:49
Speaker 2: need to have a conversation. You and the wife need
19:51
Speaker 2: to have a conversation. Your wife and her best friend
19:54
Speaker 2: need a conversation, and then the three of you need
19:56
Speaker 2: a conversation together. Because at no point do I think
20:00
Speaker 2: it's fair. Whether it's right or wrong, I don't know.
20:04
Speaker 2: I don't think it's fair that someone can come in
20:07
Speaker 2: and just be like, Okay, I know we are all
20:10
Speaker 2: going and spend this money already together.
20:12
Speaker 1: But now then of being a primary partner, if I
20:15
Speaker 1: can't tell you when I'm uncomfortable, and you say.
20:17
Speaker 2: Time, you're not listening, you're I am listening.
20:21
Speaker 1: Maybe you explained it different way.
20:23
Speaker 2: I literally said, she is allowed to have her feelings,
20:26
Speaker 2: and I think there needs to be a conversation because
20:29
Speaker 2: clearly he is uncomfortable, and I think everyone needs a conversation.
20:33
Speaker 2: We see.
20:34
Speaker 1: Then here's the large joby comfortable.
20:36
Speaker 2: But I think that if it gets to a point
20:37
Speaker 2: where you are now saying this has to be taken away,
20:41
Speaker 2: this has to be taken away, then the whole, the
20:43
Speaker 2: whole relationship needs to close up. And that's it. She
20:47
Speaker 2: asked for one thing.
20:50
Speaker 1: Also, let me try to finish this point and why
20:53
Speaker 1: I'm pushing back on you so much in this particular scenario.
20:58
Speaker 1: If we're not going to honor with makes people comfortable
21:01
Speaker 1: and uncomfortable, that to me is the most fucked up
21:05
Speaker 1: part of this. Why do I need how dare I
21:09
Speaker 1: in a polyamorous relationship with a central partner and a
21:13
Speaker 1: secondary partner, tell someone we used to do it all
21:17
Speaker 1: the time, and now it's an issue, Like I didn't
21:20
Speaker 1: say that. Wait, that is really truly what the pushback
21:25
Speaker 1: then means if you're a primary partner, that's allowger partner
21:29
Speaker 1: to have a dynamic that at any point in time
21:31
Speaker 1: you can feel uncomfortable with. She didn't say they couldn't
21:34
Speaker 1: do it. She set it for a specific scenario. At then,
21:37
Speaker 1: what point do we even give a fuck? I feel
21:39
Speaker 1: like then the primary partner is discarded because the sub
21:43
Speaker 1: is so exciting and shiny and new. I actually think
21:45
Speaker 1: it's really fucked up to then tell someone just to
21:48
Speaker 1: deal with it over a kink, over a kink specific thing.
21:53
Speaker 1: She didn't say, don't speak to her none of this shit,
21:55
Speaker 1: or not stop fucking with the bitch that's my friend.
21:58
Speaker 1: It was such a kink specific thing, and like, this
22:01
Speaker 1: is why we have to stop being So there's a
22:07
Speaker 1: kink forward priority that sometimes our conversations take in terms
22:12
Speaker 1: of non monogamy, for example, a trans conversation allowing your
22:15
Speaker 1: partner to have relationships with trans women because you know
22:18
Speaker 1: you can't give them that allowing them to fuck with
22:20
Speaker 1: someone that maybe will peg them if you won't at
22:23
Speaker 1: any point in time just because someone has a kink,
22:25
Speaker 1: it's not their identity. And we should also be respectful
22:28
Speaker 1: and loving and loyal. And I actually think that's super wrong.
22:32
Speaker 1: There's a lot of things that I haven't been down
22:33
Speaker 1: to do in prior relationships, and if someone prioritizes a
22:36
Speaker 1: kink over me, then who the fuck am I? Am?
22:38
Speaker 1: I even a fucking person. I actually think this is
22:40
Speaker 1: so much less about the sub and the third person
22:42
Speaker 1: in the discarding more than it is about respect between
22:46
Speaker 1: a central relationship. How fucking dare you be the nigga
22:50
Speaker 1: after twenty years to tell me I can't dictate when
22:53
Speaker 1: I can handle or want something? Why are we even
22:56
Speaker 1: all doing this non monogamy shit. If I can't get
22:59
Speaker 1: a baseline of being able to tell you I'm uncomfortable,
23:02
Speaker 1: I'm not uncomfortable.
23:03
Speaker 2: She literally said, I understand and respect the no threesome role.
23:06
Speaker 2: They've agreed to know threesomes. They are going to a
23:09
Speaker 2: kink resort, so I get what you're saying.
23:12
Speaker 1: They're going to a nudity resort where people fuck.
23:14
Speaker 2: This is not obedience. I get that, but just so
23:16
Speaker 2: you know, how he identifies and how I guess the
23:19
Speaker 2: wife does is as doms because he is addressing here,
23:22
Speaker 2: I'm a dom and you can't turn that on and off.
23:25
Speaker 2: So if based on what you're saying, then y'all need
23:28
Speaker 2: to have a different conversation around how you prioritize kinks
23:31
Speaker 2: in this marriage, how you prioritize non monogamy and the
23:35
Speaker 2: other relationships that you guys have and there to me,
23:39
Speaker 2: I just as someone who left feeling as though the
23:43
Speaker 2: girlfriend could throw me away whenever she wanted to, whenever
23:45
Speaker 2: her feelings to me, if you're gonna be what do
23:48
Speaker 2: you mean I left? I addressed it. I said I
23:52
Speaker 2: left the couple because, oh, the white didn't like the
23:55
Speaker 2: relationship that I was building. I don't want to feel
23:57
Speaker 2: like at any point I can be discard. My feelings
24:01
Speaker 2: matter too, And if I'm entering a dynamic clearly as
24:04
Speaker 2: a secondary because there can only be one wife in
24:07
Speaker 2: the in the Western hemisphere, in the United States of America,
24:11
Speaker 2: I also would like to feel safe with a relationship
24:14
Speaker 2: that I'm building and if she if this one is
24:17
Speaker 2: built over three years, Yeah, we all need to sit
24:20
Speaker 2: and have a goddamn conversation and we all need to
24:23
Speaker 2: be on the same page before taking this trip or
24:26
Speaker 2: call the trip off altogether. That's I can agree with that.
24:30
Speaker 1: I just think her concern is in a discard because
24:37
Speaker 1: to me, then the issue lies with us doing things
24:41
Speaker 1: we're uncomfortable with. And I'm a big believer in firm firm,
24:45
Speaker 1: firm believer that people need to voice out what makes
24:48
Speaker 1: them comfortable. In dynamics, this is also her friend.
24:52
Speaker 2: Right, this is why they need to talk too. I said,
24:54
Speaker 2: there needs to be a conversation, but I don't think that,
24:57
Speaker 2: mind you, he respected the note threesome rule there no
25:00
Speaker 2: longer playing together.
25:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I get it.
25:03
Speaker 2: Now, this girl's coming on this trip and as a
25:06
Speaker 2: couple and as friends were discarding her to just now.
25:09
Speaker 1: Be there maybe with you in that word literally, is
25:11
Speaker 1: she just no bdsm scenes.
25:13
Speaker 2: I would feel that way if I had a trip
25:16
Speaker 2: planned with a husband and wife and I've been in
25:18
Speaker 2: a relationship with a husband and two months before the trip,
25:22
Speaker 2: the wife is like.
25:23
Speaker 1: You working, Like it's too Nymandy. They still are seeing
25:26
Speaker 1: each other every week, it's just not doing it in Jamaica, Like,
25:29
Speaker 1: is it that serious. Are we that fucking horny and
25:32
Speaker 1: hungry to just I have to be a sub in
25:34
Speaker 1: a Jamaica trip, Like.
25:35
Speaker 2: Damn, well you have two ways to go. I don't
25:39
Speaker 2: think we came to Uh, this was actually a very
25:43
Speaker 2: good one because I disagree. I think we're missing each
25:47
Speaker 2: other on what we're saying.
25:48
Speaker 1: But I've been I'm getting it.
25:50
Speaker 2: I've been the second, I've been the unicorn, and so
25:53
Speaker 2: for me, if I were to start a relationship, I
25:56
Speaker 2: would hope that I'm building a relationship that doesn't just
25:59
Speaker 2: get to be toyed with by the third person at time, respecting,
26:04
Speaker 2: I don't really think this is Toyd. And then to
26:07
Speaker 2: that point, we also everybody's boundaries, you know what I'm saying.
26:13
Speaker 2: We just have to really think about how men I
26:15
Speaker 2: don't notice nigga and don't really care men take advantage
26:18
Speaker 2: of boundaries with women so frequently, you know what I'm saying.
26:21
Speaker 1: So if I'm just fucking asking for something from you
26:24
Speaker 1: in public or on a trip, just figure it out.
26:27
Speaker 1: This was actually really good. I want us to make it.
26:30
Speaker 2: I don't know what they click it's gonna be?
26:32
Speaker 1: Is this?
26:32
Speaker 2: But uh oh not sorry, I clicked a Patreon thing. Anyways,
26:39
Speaker 2: hopefully you know what y'all in the Patreon community comm
26:45
Speaker 2: drop in the comments. Would love to hear He hopefully
26:49
Speaker 2: is the patron and can read y'all's advice on this.
26:53
Speaker 2: Oh hey, bop being in comments, baby, would love for
26:56
Speaker 2: y'all to drop your advice. Weezy and I are split here,
27:00
Speaker 2: not sure what he should do again. All I said
27:02
Speaker 2: is everyone needs to have a conversation and be on
27:04
Speaker 2: the same trip. He don't know how to do nothing
27:06
Speaker 2: but not beat her ass up with a leak. They
27:08
Speaker 2: all need to have conversations individually and together, and if
27:11
Speaker 2: they're not on the same page, I think the trip
27:14
Speaker 2: should be canceled. Otherwise it's going to make this more
27:17
Speaker 2: complicated when you get back home. Agreed. That's all I'm
27:21
Speaker 2: gonna say. Good luck, hope that you figure it out.
27:26
Speaker 2: If you have a question, please submit it over to
27:31
Speaker 2: us Decisions pod at gmail dot com. Thank y'all so much,
27:38
Speaker 2: and we gonna holler babem