Latest / Iridescent: The Grief Podcast / Lessons on grief from the leaves
Transcript
- Courtney Trethric: There is something to it leaning into the lessons of the trees during autumn. I feel like every year, when think about this, it somehow becomes even more true. And I'm saying this, if this is your first autumn without your darling one, or your tenth, that there is validity in your pain. And there's plenty of ways to comfort ourselves that honor the seasons at the same time. I feel like the dedication to living in tune with the cycles of nature is something that inspires us to move as the trees do, to let go when they do, to blossom when they do, and to go with the flow of things. You don't see trees anxious about letting their leaves fall. They're just out there doing the thing. They're not waiting for the right time. They're not trying to compete with the other trees or trying to make it so it looks the best or it's happening at the best time or it's happening at the best time of day or the best time of year. It literally just happens. And they are, there's no resistance to doing it. So if the the trees aren't anxious, why? Why are we so anxious to let go of things that aren't serving us anymore? To let go of versions of ourselves that maybe we have some guilt about. Maybe we have guilt about how we handled a situation, or maybe we would do it differently next time. Okay, so then we'll do it differently next time. The next time all of our leaves are here. We'll know what to do. We'll know that hey, I want to start blossoming at this time. Hey, I really want this to happen. It's a And there's nothing outright wrong with struggling with the cues that Mother Nature is sending us to signal a change in seasons. It's when we ignore it, nor me push through, power through something so brute, and whatever else we call it when we need to charge forward with reckless abandon. What happens to our bodies when we forget we cannot accomplish everything with brute force, including our grief? It's the whole, and I talk about this all the time. It's the trying to get through as fast as we can, trying to do it with the most efficiency, trying to quote unquote get back to normal. The trees in autumn are not worried about getting back to quote uncormal quote uncle. The trees in autumn are not worried about getting back to quote unquote normal. This is normal. The change is normal. The letting go is normal. The Dying back during winter, normal, blossoming during spring, normal. It's all been happening this whole time and it's going to continue happening. So why is this so why is this so tough for so many of us, myself included? Especially when winter comes rolling around and things like seasonal depression kick in, it's because we're not taking stock. Of what we have right now and making these little changes to make it so we're not just trying to act in crisis. That way it's not full-blown winter. We haven't been outside for weeks, and we're like, dang, I really haven't been moving my body, and I feel like I'm really stiff and I'm really cold. When instead during autumn, we could have been walking or doing some light stretching every day, and we already have it in. our mindset and we already have it on our bones and our routine that this is just what we do getting ourselves ready for winter. That way when it happens, it's already here and it's not really a a crisis management. It's just how how we how we move, how we are. And I I see this year after year with clients is the burnout that comes mid-December from not listening to the nudge to slow down to rest. And a practice of receiving. It happens all the time, especially during year-ahead readings. And that'll be January, February, around then. Folks are so burnt out. And it's it's overwhelming when you're that burnt out. And not to say that working in the season before always helps us cure everything that's gonna come up. I'm not saying that. But there's a way to be more holistic about things, how if we know a season is approaching, that we just approach it with a little bit more care when we think about what we might need, we think about even something like clothes. Do I need a pack of sweater? Do I need to wear layers? Do I need to bring a scarf? We're thinking about our future. We're caring about ourselves in a way that is preparing. And the same thing could be said about grief, y'all. Especially anticipatory grief, caring about ourselves is not just ignoring that that winter isn't coming. Do you see what I mean? It's going, okay, winter's coming. I should be splitting wood. I should be checking the insulation in the crawl space. I should be making sure that we have food in case of a snowstorm. And not just like winter's here, snowstorm's here. Holy shit, what am I gonna it see, it's totally different. Preparation is so much easier than fixing a crisis. And this is like deep shit, y'all. This isn't just winter blues. This is grief. This is relationships. This is self-care. Even look at something like the common cold. Like let's bring it like this is something that all of us experience. Cause not all of us experience death or dying or grief yet or seasonal depression. But let's talk about the cold. How much easier and how much better does it feel to be able to prevent it? So you're washing your hands, you're taking your elderberry, you're a firesider girly. You're taking care of yourself, you're resting. Instead of having a full-blown cold, trying to keep up with everything, trying to do all your daily tasks, and you can't take time off of work and you're you're already at zero and you are just floundering. We've all been there. We've all thought we could power through a cold and we can't. How much easier is that than when it to take care of it before, then let it overtake you, and then you are just crumbling. That grief, that overwhelm, stagnation, burnout, they are all so similar to catching a cold. There are signs that you need to recalibrate. And and sometimes we're just really not listening to them. Are you waiting until your body has no choice but to kick it in a park, whether you wanted to or not? Or are you listening to the little pings? Are you noticing that you're really tired, that maybe you need to rest more, that maybe you need more baths, maybe you need warm, nourishing foods. Maybe you just need to drink more water. Or are you ignoring all of that until it's your body literally pressing the SOS button? And then you're like, how did this happen? I did never got a sign. And then like meanwhile, flashback, it's like all these signs of. You really needed to rest. So living in sync with the seasons, it sounds nice and easy and natural when you first approach it. But it's when you really start exploring, waiting, watching, that you start to see these patterns. I've been here for four years now, and every year I learn something new from the trees. And I remember my first year, I was so excited for winter, and I had no idea that winter would be so Tough mentally And welcoming in autumn into our lives, like as a season as a whole, to really embody that season, it can make letting go come more naturally. It's these small, mostly tiny little ships that eventually add up. It's letting one leaf fall at a time. We're warding off stagnation that organically comes with winter. And it's accepting that we need more rest. It's watching there be less and less light in the sky at night and going, okay, maybe I need to go to bed earlier. What a what a concept. So if you're someone who is struggling, especially now in the season of autumn with grief, overwhelm, stagnation, or you know that it's coming, you're like, hey, I'm kind of feeling these little red flags. I am, or even an orange flag, doesn't have to be a red flag. Feeling these little orange flags. What can I do about it? The quickest and most noticeable change to start with is welcoming in warm. and nourishing foods. And I know you're probably thinking, what does warmth have to do with grief? I am so glad you asked. Because grief makes everything in your body stop. Everything comes to a screeching halt. Rest becomes elusive. Meals are hard to stomach. Movement does not have priority. Everything scrutins require warmth to a degree. Digestion needs warmth. Movement needs warmth. And when you're grieving, everything is cold. Everything stops moving. It literally feels like just the coldness and the the heartbreak overtakes almost everything. And a body without warmth is undernourished. It's damp. It's stagnant. It's dry. It's it's more than just our lips and noses getting chapped after crying for hours. So really easy ways are miso soup. You can get those even those instant soups. they're like powdered. a lot of them are freeze-dried and stuff. We're talking stews, we're talking purees. Y'all make this so easy. Do not make this time of year anything difficult to get through. There's no point in doing that. Literally, just make it easy. And each routine, each constitution, each person is going to need different things. Certain folks are gonna thrive with organic bone broths. And other folks have histamine reactions. It's something so, so, so, so personal. That's why I love using natal charts to be able to see what each person needs in the lens of medical astrology is because someone that already has a lot of coldness and stagnation is really gonna need extra support during winter. Hi, hello, it's me. I have an Aquarius stellium and I I struggle in winter. My body's already a cold body and everything really comes to a screeching halt. There's also herbs that are probably already in your kitchen, y'all. Remember, we're making this easy. You do not have to go out, buy a bunch of things. I really encourage you to not fall into the trap of thinking that you need the new shiny thing, the new shiny herb. See something that everybody's talking about and go and buy it. Because you're underutilizing your spice cabinet. You don't need to make this really hard. You probably already have herbs like ginger, cayenne, red pepper flakes, curry, cinnamon. It you already have those. Even if you have a pumpkin spice, like one of the pre-made spices, try adding that to your coffee. If food is like already too hard, try some miso soup with some added ginger powder. If you're waking up really cold, put a little cinnamon in your coffee. Like make it Make it so easy. And we're not like talking of like an actual herbal protocol or like you don't have to make it big. If you want to, you can. If you want to have an actual protocol to follow, I encourage you to either reach out or investigate one for yourself. But we're moving one leaf at a time and seeing how the body responds. Do you see the leaves shaking off the tree all at once? No. We're being mindful. We're doing little things at a time. And we're we're being so cognizant of how our body feels. We want to make sure that we're doing things in moderation. We want to make sure that we're not adding a bunch of cayenne and chili pepper to food and then being like, well, why do I feel so bad? It's little bits here and there. And remembering that our warming herbal allies can help us really root down into a more grounded and stable winter. And they can help us remember that our bodies are actually connected to ourselves. I feel like a lot of the times in fall, it's so easy to forget that. that we're just kind of rushing around and doing there's so much travel and there's so much just flighty energy. And sometimes we just need that warmth to kind of go inward. So don't just save, you know, herbal remedies or lifestyle shifts for right when you need them. Let it be something that you're slowly building on. That you're not just only practicing these sorts of shifts right when you need them. Think about what you need before the crisis. Think about what you need before that snowstorm. Don't wait until the last minute. Make it something easy. Make it little tiny shifts. Because there's so much that's waiting for you if you just let go. I feel like sometimes we just need to hear that excuse to that we will be supported and held and we let go. And guess what? If you let go of the wrong thing this season, you'll have an opportunity next season. If you go, dang, I really Really wasted all those time reading this book series that I hated, okay, then we never have to read it ever again. But just get curious about what your body's calling out for. And if you're someone who is approaching this autumn and winter with a lot of grief, that is okay. But know that you can let certain things go. Ideas, beliefs, feelings about yourself, your situation, and you can let little pieces of them go. It can be this branch of memories or regrets or grief or guilt and just one leaf at a time you can let it go. So I hope that helps. Get underneath a tree and just start watching those leaves fall and just visualize it. every time you see a leaf fall, ask yourself what you need to be letting go of too. Because there is just something so magical about listening to the medicine that the trees have to give us. So I encourage you to get underneath the tree, bring a journal, or don't. And just watch, see what happens. Get curious. See what, see what your body is calling for and listen to it. So if you have any questions about inviting more warmth to your body. I have herbal consultations on my website. I also have firesiders that are available to ship. I make them with all organic, locally made honey and herbs and different onions and peppers. they're like a special variety of North Carolina peppers that I use. it's a lot of fun. It's a labor of love and it's something that has kept my family very healthy throughout the season. So I'm very appreciative to that kind of remedy and I love sharing it with people because Until you have a good firesider in your household, you don't know how impactful they are. And then everyone's scrambling for it. And then when you're out, it is like an that's the crisis is being out. So if you're someone that's looking for a gift or a little bit of a boost for yourself, those are on my website, they're ready ship. And then, like I said, let's have a conversation about herbs. If you're someone who feels like they need a little more guidance, they maybe need a protocol, they need someone to check in, help them do research, look for contraindications. That's what I'm here for. So Be kind to yourself, welcome in this change of autumn, and we'll talk soon. I'll see you next week.