Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 410. Navigating Life’s Big Questions: Breaking Through Creative Blocks and Imposter Syndrome

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410. Navigating Life’s Big Questions: Breaking Through Creative Blocks and Imposter Syndrome · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:13
Speaker 1: All right, welcome everyone, Welcome to the episode of Today.
0:17
Speaker 1: So in this episode, I am answering your deepest, darkest,
0:25
Speaker 1: most intense questions about your life. I'm giving you my
0:28
Speaker 1: opinion on what it is that you should do. As
0:32
Speaker 1: often as possible, I try and give you kind of
0:34
Speaker 1: tough love, because I get that when people come to
0:36
Speaker 1: me with a question, they've already gone around it a
0:39
Speaker 1: thousand times. They've thought about all the pros, all the
0:41
Speaker 1: cons and then they're like, all right, I still can't
0:43
Speaker 1: come to a conclusion. So I'm going to send in
0:45
Speaker 1: a question. So whenever possible, I do try and give
0:47
Speaker 1: you just a straight up answer as to what I
0:50
Speaker 1: would do. But keep in mind, this is just what
0:53
Speaker 1: I would do if I were you. A lot of
0:55
Speaker 1: the time when I answer these questions, there's so many
0:57
Speaker 1: gaps missing in the information that you're sending me, So
1:01
Speaker 1: I try and give you as accurate a piece of
1:05
Speaker 1: advice as I can. So these ones that I'm answering
1:08
Speaker 1: today are all emailed through. We've got four to get through.
1:12
Speaker 1: I try and alternate between email and voice message ones.
1:15
Speaker 1: All right, let's get straight into it. Hi, Alexis. Congratulations.
1:20
Speaker 1: By the way, on the pregnancy. That's so exciting. Thank you.
1:23
Speaker 1: I've been listening for a while and like everyone who
1:25
Speaker 1: writes in says, your pod has helped me a lot,
1:28
Speaker 1: especially when I've needed to refocus or needed a distraction. Basically,
1:32
Speaker 1: I'm going to go straight into it. How do you
1:34
Speaker 1: reprogram your subconscious thoughts? Basically, me and my ex are
1:39
Speaker 1: still in contact for a number of reasons, but I
1:42
Speaker 1: always think about him either he's doing, either what he's
1:45
Speaker 1: doing or why we haven't texted in a period of time,
1:48
Speaker 1: or literally something else about him. This almost feels like
1:51
Speaker 1: a subconscious thought process, and I hate it, to say
1:55
Speaker 1: the least. I do enough things in my day that
1:57
Speaker 1: could be thinking that I could be thinking about instead,
2:00
Speaker 1: but I always revert back and catch myself thinking about him.
2:03
Speaker 1: If I'm being honest, It's quite frustrating for a number
2:06
Speaker 1: of reasons, especially because I don't think he thinks this
2:09
Speaker 1: much about me, and I don't want to be thinking
2:11
Speaker 1: about him this much anymore. Also, it's not very gold
2:14
Speaker 1: boss slash independent woman. I don't know how to change it.
2:20
Speaker 1: I've tried refocusing my thoughts when I'm aware i'm thinking
2:24
Speaker 1: of him, but I feel nothing really works. How do
2:27
Speaker 1: you suggest changing what feels like a subconscious thought pattern?
2:30
Speaker 1: Any and all help will be greatly appreciated. Lots of love. Okay,
2:36
Speaker 1: So firstly, in a way, yeah, it's kind of subconscious processing.
2:42
Speaker 1: It's kind of not you obviously still like him if
2:47
Speaker 1: you're feeling this way, and that's not really a subconscious process.
2:50
Speaker 1: That's a strong emotion that you have towards someone. Because
2:53
Speaker 1: when someone's in your life, even if they're in your
2:56
Speaker 1: life every single day and you just don't romantically feel
3:00
Speaker 1: that way about them anymore, it doesn't really bother you, right,
3:04
Speaker 1: they're not consuming your thoughts. You know, there's obviously there's
3:08
Speaker 1: something there that you still need to unravel to see
3:13
Speaker 1: how you can move past these feelings towards him. Because
3:17
Speaker 1: if you had no feelings towards him whatsoever, unless he
3:20
Speaker 1: was a horrible person and you were trying to heal
3:23
Speaker 1: from the pain and the trauma that he had caused you,
3:25
Speaker 1: which it doesn't seem like that's the case from what
3:28
Speaker 1: you've said, because that you know, that can consume a
3:31
Speaker 1: lot of your thoughts if you've gone through a very
3:33
Speaker 1: traumatic thing. But apart from that, if you've separated from
3:36
Speaker 1: someone and you are like, I'm so glad we've separated.
3:39
Speaker 1: It was the right thing. Whether they did it or
3:41
Speaker 1: I did it. I'm over this person completely. They're not
3:43
Speaker 1: really consuming your thoughts, okay. So, And the reason for
3:47
Speaker 1: that is because it's in a way, it's like, Okay,
3:49
Speaker 1: I've outgrown it. I've outgrown it. My mind is somewhere else.
3:52
Speaker 1: I'm not into them anymore. The reason why it's consuming
3:55
Speaker 1: your thoughts so much is because there is unfinished emotions there.
4:00
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying unfinished business that he needs to
4:03
Speaker 1: do anything, because that's not the case. You're responsible for
4:05
Speaker 1: your feelings and your emotions and your thoughts, and this
4:07
Speaker 1: is something that you need to work on for you.
4:09
Speaker 1: But you've also got to ask yourself, what am I
4:11
Speaker 1: feeling here? What do I need from this man? Am
4:16
Speaker 1: I needing emotional support? Am I leaning on him for validation?
4:21
Speaker 1: What is it that I'm going to for him and
4:24
Speaker 1: I'm getting from him? And therefore I keep going back
4:28
Speaker 1: because even if it's an X, a lot of the time,
4:31
Speaker 1: if we're still in contact with an X, we get
4:33
Speaker 1: something from our interactions with them. Even if you have
4:36
Speaker 1: to interact let's say you work together, or you have
4:39
Speaker 1: children or whatever. Let's say there are reasons that you
4:41
Speaker 1: cannot cut them out, that's fine. But if you are like, oh,
4:45
Speaker 1: I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop thinking
4:47
Speaker 1: about them. They haven't texted long enough, it's because you
4:49
Speaker 1: get something from it when they message you. Okay, So
4:53
Speaker 1: that's the first thing. Number one, You've got to identify
4:55
Speaker 1: what is it that I'm still feeling or what is
4:56
Speaker 1: it that I'm telling myself that I still need from
4:59
Speaker 1: this person. Then once you identify what those things are,
5:03
Speaker 1: then you're able to really try and break down. Okay,
5:06
Speaker 1: am I able to get this need somewhere else? For example,
5:09
Speaker 1: if it's validation, Yeah, you say, I always thinking about him,
5:13
Speaker 1: either what he's doing, or why we haven't texted in
5:15
Speaker 1: a period of time, or literally something else about him.
5:18
Speaker 1: So you get something when he contacts you, because it
5:22
Speaker 1: makes you feel bad when it's been a period of
5:24
Speaker 1: time and he hasn't messaged you. So even though you've
5:26
Speaker 1: got to be in contact with them, you need to
5:29
Speaker 1: minimize that contact even further because obviously you're not messaging
5:33
Speaker 1: on a need to message basis, because then you wouldn't
5:37
Speaker 1: be wondering or why hasn't he texted me? If the
5:41
Speaker 1: only time you contacted each other was for out of need?
5:44
Speaker 1: So number one, bring it back to need and be
5:48
Speaker 1: very ruthless and be very strict. Okay, because you shouldn't
5:53
Speaker 1: be sitting there wondering why your ex hasn't texted you.
5:56
Speaker 1: There should be one very clear reason why they text
5:59
Speaker 1: you and no other reason. Okay. And I'm saying this
6:02
Speaker 1: because you're not over him. If things will find and
6:04
Speaker 1: you were over him, I wouldn't care how often you
6:05
Speaker 1: text each other. But you're not over the guy and
6:07
Speaker 1: you want to get over him. Okay, So this is
6:08
Speaker 1: what we're talking about. The next thing you want to
6:12
Speaker 1: ask yourself is have I done the proper things to
6:14
Speaker 1: actually move on? Are you still hoping that he will
6:18
Speaker 1: come back to you? Because hope is a weak dog
6:21
Speaker 1: when it comes to your ex. Okay, If you are
6:25
Speaker 1: hoping that things will eventually turn around, then the way
6:29
Speaker 1: you approach him and your thoughts towards him are going
6:32
Speaker 1: to be very, very very different than if you've closed
6:35
Speaker 1: that chapter in your mind. Very different. So this isn't
6:38
Speaker 1: subconscious programming that's forcing you to think about your ex
6:41
Speaker 1: when you go through an emotional breakup, your mind doesn't
6:45
Speaker 1: just keep you thinking about the X for no reason.
6:47
Speaker 1: Even though you're thrilled that you guys are over, that's
6:49
Speaker 1: not what's happening. You are in love with this man,
6:52
Speaker 1: or you just can't get over this man even though
6:54
Speaker 1: you no, you're still the feelings for the guy. It's obvious.
6:57
Speaker 1: So you got to ask yourself, have I really closed
7:01
Speaker 1: the chapter in my head about this relationship? Because unless
7:05
Speaker 1: you can say this is never going to work, whether
7:09
Speaker 1: it whether I like it or not, it is dead
7:11
Speaker 1: in the water. It is done. I need to get
7:14
Speaker 1: rid of hope. Then you cannot grieve. There's two things,
7:18
Speaker 1: two major things that hold people back from grieving a relationship.
7:21
Speaker 1: Number one, hope, that's the number one. Hoping that they're
7:25
Speaker 1: going to change their mind. Or if I say the
7:27
Speaker 1: right thing, or if I look pretty enough when I'm
7:28
Speaker 1: around them, if I'm funny enough, or if I remind
7:30
Speaker 1: them of a really good time, they're going to turn
7:32
Speaker 1: around and say, I made a mistake. I want to
7:33
Speaker 1: be back with you. Number one is hope. Number two,
7:36
Speaker 1: it's too much proximity to this person. So you need
7:39
Speaker 1: to work on both those things. Number one, kill hope.
7:41
Speaker 1: It's done. It's fucking finished. It is over. Okay, what
7:45
Speaker 1: can you do to solidify that information in your head?
7:51
Speaker 1: What evidence can you look for to confirm that it's over.
7:55
Speaker 1: Don't do the other way around, because we're really good
7:57
Speaker 1: at doing the other way around. Oh, they added an
7:59
Speaker 1: emoji at the and if that fucking text, so they
8:02
Speaker 1: must feel different about me today versus yesterday. We're really
8:05
Speaker 1: good at convincing us as We'll look for evidence when
8:08
Speaker 1: it's like a barren desert and will still find evidence
8:11
Speaker 1: that will prove that there's hope. Do the opposite. I
8:15
Speaker 1: want you to find evidence that there is no hope.
8:17
Speaker 1: Number one and number two, you need to limit your
8:20
Speaker 1: contact with this man even further. When you do those
8:24
Speaker 1: two things. And every time you catch yourself thinking, oh,
8:26
Speaker 1: but he hasn't, remind yourself of three reasons why it's
8:29
Speaker 1: dead in the water, because I've you know, based on
8:33
Speaker 1: their behavior, can see that they've actually moved on. Because
8:35
Speaker 1: if someone really loved me, if we actually really loved
8:37
Speaker 1: each other, this is not how it would play out
8:39
Speaker 1: because of whatever. Just come up with a few reasons.
8:41
Speaker 1: And every time you think, oh, maybe they cancel it out.
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Speaker 1: No it's dead, No, it's done. Okay. And then once
8:48
Speaker 1: you come to terms with the fact that it's done,
8:50
Speaker 1: you will start grieving it and your emotions towards him
8:53
Speaker 1: will start to change. It might not be easy, but
8:56
Speaker 1: they will start to shift. Okay. Hopefully that helped you
9:01
Speaker 1: get into like a more empowered headspace around this, because
9:04
Speaker 1: it's not you know, you can always change your program in.
9:07
Speaker 1: I think it's more that you're in love with him.
9:09
Speaker 1: It's not just a subconscious program in when you don't
9:11
Speaker 1: have feelings for him anymore. Okay. Next one. Hi alexis
9:16
Speaker 1: longtime listener of the pod, been using the phrase bond
9:19
Speaker 1: fucking voyage since twenty twenty. I love that and a
9:22
Speaker 1: huge fan of everything that you do. My question is
9:25
Speaker 1: about self diagnosed tendency of being a good idea fairy
9:29
Speaker 1: that struggles to actually execute my goals. I'm a scientist
9:33
Speaker 1: by training, but would actually consider myself to be super creative.
9:36
Speaker 1: I often find myself daydreaming about lots of other side
9:39
Speaker 1: hustles slash projects that I could do e. Geographic design, photography, painting,
9:43
Speaker 1: et cetera. As soon as I think of a new pet, activity.
9:46
Speaker 1: It totally lights me up inside. I'm suddenly super energized
9:50
Speaker 1: about the idea of taking on a new skill or hobby,
9:53
Speaker 1: and I love drawing up the plans, buying the gear
9:55
Speaker 1: slash equipment, and organizing everything in my mind. But that's
10:00
Speaker 1: when the fun is over for me. Once I actually
10:03
Speaker 1: start doing the thing, I either get bored very quickly
10:07
Speaker 1: or I don't stick with it long enough to ever
10:09
Speaker 1: turn it into anything. It's not that I can't execute
10:11
Speaker 1: anything in my life. I'm good at my job, trained
10:14
Speaker 1: for slash run half marathons, and I've applied and gotten
10:18
Speaker 1: into law school. It's just that I can't seem to
10:20
Speaker 1: execute anything that doesn't have a strict, non negotiable deadline
10:25
Speaker 1: or major consequences. Do you have any tips to help
10:28
Speaker 1: me focus more and get some momentum behind these other projects?
10:31
Speaker 1: Much love from Washington, DC. Okay, very good question, because
10:37
Speaker 1: I resonate with you on that big time. I feel
10:42
Speaker 1: very much the same. That's exactly what you described is
10:46
Speaker 1: what I go through regularly, so very aligned with that.
10:52
Speaker 1: I consider myself very like sciencey and whatever. But then
10:55
Speaker 1: I've got this creative side to me, and then when
10:56
Speaker 1: I think about an idea. I get so excited about
10:59
Speaker 1: it that I kind of almost imagine, like can't I
11:04
Speaker 1: kind of get ahead of myself, imagining like what I
11:06
Speaker 1: could be doing with this hobby or this activity or whatever.
11:08
Speaker 1: I start visualizing all but then either give it time
11:13
Speaker 1: off or like you said, like start you know, getting everything,
11:16
Speaker 1: and then when it actually comes to the crunch of
11:19
Speaker 1: doing that thing, there's certain things that are going to
11:21
Speaker 1: turn you off doing it. One of the things that
11:23
Speaker 1: is a turn off is the fact that you realize
11:26
Speaker 1: when you start is that you are quite a novice. Okay,
11:31
Speaker 1: you are very much a beginner, and it's not as
11:34
Speaker 1: exciting as you thought it would be at the beginning.
11:38
Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, it's good, but you know, it's
11:42
Speaker 1: not that exciting. The other thing is that you know
11:45
Speaker 1: the time and effort to get to where you want
11:47
Speaker 1: to be on a skill level, even if it's just
11:49
Speaker 1: a hobby, it requires a lot of stamina, It requires
11:52
Speaker 1: a lot of consistency. So that's another hard thing for
11:54
Speaker 1: you to be like hitting. What I would recommend that
11:58
Speaker 1: you do is I would okay, number one, stick to
12:03
Speaker 1: one thing at a time for now. When something becomes
12:07
Speaker 1: a solidified hobby in the sense that I enjoy it.
12:11
Speaker 1: I'm semi good at it, So now I can actually
12:13
Speaker 1: enjoy the work that I do, and I can enjoy
12:15
Speaker 1: the output because at the beginning, the output's pretty shit
12:18
Speaker 1: for the most part. But you know, when you have
12:21
Speaker 1: one thing to focus on, you allow yourself to get
12:23
Speaker 1: better and better, and that's where the momentum picks up.
12:25
Speaker 1: That's where the excitement picks up. That's where you're like,
12:27
Speaker 1: oh my god, yes, I could see this through. I
12:29
Speaker 1: could actually see this as a long term part of
12:31
Speaker 1: like my lifestyle. So that's one thing. Once things are
12:37
Speaker 1: more solidified, then you can start adding new hobbies on
12:40
Speaker 1: because it's like, okay, I've made this concrete. If you
12:43
Speaker 1: switch from one hobby to another hobby, back to another,
12:45
Speaker 1: back to another, then you're gonna look at everything and
12:48
Speaker 1: be like, wow, I've bought all this shit, I've got
12:50
Speaker 1: all this stuff around me, and I just can't see
12:52
Speaker 1: anything through. And then you get this idea about yourself
12:55
Speaker 1: that you can't see things through, and then you start
12:58
Speaker 1: putting yourself down and then you're less likely to want
13:00
Speaker 1: to go and do those things because you don't feel
13:02
Speaker 1: creativef you're not excited. So one thing at a time
13:04
Speaker 1: until you get good enough that it starts to be
13:07
Speaker 1: more exciting. The second thing is that I want you
13:09
Speaker 1: to have kind of in your week. I want you
13:12
Speaker 1: to schedule a bit of time of how can I
13:15
Speaker 1: actually make this something that is what's the word I'm
13:21
Speaker 1: trying to think of. Consistency is not the word it
13:24
Speaker 1: will come to me, but basically something that I can
13:27
Speaker 1: see through on a regular basis. It's realistic for me.
13:30
Speaker 1: It's not like, oh my god, when i have a
13:32
Speaker 1: whole weekend off, then I'm finally going to start learning
13:34
Speaker 1: how to sew, or when I have this schedule it
13:37
Speaker 1: into your week. It's got to be something that's measurable.
13:39
Speaker 1: You've got to say I want to dedicate start off
13:41
Speaker 1: with two hours a week. Whether it's in one block
13:43
Speaker 1: or whether you break it up into four half hour blocks,
13:45
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Okay, but you say I'm going to
13:47
Speaker 1: dedicate two hours a week to this thing, don't overdo it.
13:50
Speaker 1: That's a big mistake. If you overdo it and you
13:54
Speaker 1: go all in, then you're going to be like, get that,
13:57
Speaker 1: get that fucking hobby away from me. I'm saturated. I've
14:01
Speaker 1: saturated myself. I'm not even good at it. I'm over it.
14:06
Speaker 1: I've failed more times than I've succeeded over that week
14:08
Speaker 1: and working on that fucking thing and now I'm done, okay.
14:12
Speaker 1: So instead, you want to give yourself enough time where
14:15
Speaker 1: it's still fun and novel and exciting. But then it's
14:19
Speaker 1: like all right, times up. Then you're thinking about the
14:22
Speaker 1: next time. You're like, but that actually was you know
14:24
Speaker 1: that could be fun, maybe I could work, And then
14:26
Speaker 1: you're looking forward to the next half hour session. So
14:29
Speaker 1: those are the two things that I would suggest. Number one,
14:30
Speaker 1: pick one thing at a time, and number two, try
14:33
Speaker 1: and schedule things that you can do and make it
14:36
Speaker 1: consistent because for me, one thing that probably the only
14:41
Speaker 1: hobby in my life that I've ever really been consistent with,
14:45
Speaker 1: and I dropped the ball when I moved to Europe
14:48
Speaker 1: and I've never been consistent again with it, and it
14:49
Speaker 1: makes me quite sad, and I still talk about starting
14:52
Speaker 1: it again. Is sewing right. I loved it. It was
14:54
Speaker 1: what pulled like pulled me. It was like one of
14:57
Speaker 1: it was my therapy during my hardest year. I absolutely
15:00
Speaker 1: loved it, and I was very consistent at it, and
15:03
Speaker 1: it got to a point where I was seeing progress
15:05
Speaker 1: and it was amazing. Okay. And the reason why I
15:07
Speaker 1: think I did so well with that is because I
15:10
Speaker 1: had stuck to one hobby. Okay, it was one hobby.
15:14
Speaker 1: It was, and there was many many different parts to
15:17
Speaker 1: it that I could include. If I was doing way
15:19
Speaker 1: too many hobbies while I was a novice, I would
15:22
Speaker 1: have tuned out of probably all of them at the
15:24
Speaker 1: same time. I hope that helps because I think it's
15:28
Speaker 1: really exciting to have all these ideas. I'm exactly the
15:31
Speaker 1: same as you, and you get way ahead of yourself
15:33
Speaker 1: and you only imagine the good parts of the hobby.
15:36
Speaker 1: You don't imagine the boring parts, or the difficult parts,
15:38
Speaker 1: or the like the non event parts, and then when
15:41
Speaker 1: you experience the reality of it, it's a bit of
15:43
Speaker 1: like a shock. It's like, oh, this isn't what I
15:45
Speaker 1: romanticized it to be, but it will be better than
15:48
Speaker 1: what you imagined if you can actually stick it out
15:50
Speaker 1: so less is more one thing at a time. But
15:53
Speaker 1: when you were reading that out, I'm like, it's like
15:55
Speaker 1: you are talking about me. Next one, Hi, Alexis I'm
16:20
Speaker 1: in my late twenties and after spending five years working
16:23
Speaker 1: a pretty high stressed job as a biologist. I'm making
16:25
Speaker 1: a big switch and starting at a really intense law school.
16:29
Speaker 1: I am so glad that I waited until this age
16:31
Speaker 1: to return to law school because I'm so much more confident,
16:35
Speaker 1: self assured, and measured than I was in my early twenties.
16:38
Speaker 1: But I am a bit nervous to dust off my
16:40
Speaker 1: student skills after several years in the nine to five life.
16:44
Speaker 1: In particular, I feel like my attention span is so
16:47
Speaker 1: much shorter than it was when I would spend hours
16:49
Speaker 1: in the library drawing chemical reactions or memorizing proteins or whatever.
16:53
Speaker 1: I would love to know what your advice, what advice
16:56
Speaker 1: you would give to somebody who is returning to school
16:58
Speaker 1: after a big gap, both in terms of how to study, focus, learn,
17:02
Speaker 1: as well as how to preserve sanity mental slash physical
17:05
Speaker 1: health and have a bit of fun too. Thank you
17:07
Speaker 1: so much. Okay, So, I actually think it's going to
17:10
Speaker 1: be easier than you give yourself credit for, And the
17:13
Speaker 1: reason for that is you've got to look at the
17:14
Speaker 1: environment that you're putting yourself in. Okay, if you were
17:18
Speaker 1: to try and do all of this on your own
17:20
Speaker 1: and just start studying at home out of the blue,
17:23
Speaker 1: and you know, with no deadlines and whatever, it will
17:26
Speaker 1: be hard. But when you take yourself out of the
17:29
Speaker 1: nine to five environment to return to a study environment,
17:33
Speaker 1: you are ideally going to the university. For me, I
17:36
Speaker 1: think contact hours. Shit's all over study from home any
17:40
Speaker 1: day of the week. So I'm hoping that you're doing
17:42
Speaker 1: contact hours because it makes it so much easier. I
17:44
Speaker 1: don't care what anyone says. You're physically there. Your environment
17:48
Speaker 1: is changing, the people around you is changing. You've got
17:50
Speaker 1: this collective effervescence of people around you that are doing
17:53
Speaker 1: what you are doing, and that is learning, expanding their minds,
17:58
Speaker 1: consuming knowledge to translate that knowledge into something. And even
18:02
Speaker 1: if people are studying something completely different, I found that
18:04
Speaker 1: when I would study at the university, I would be
18:07
Speaker 1: so much more on the zone than when I'd be
18:09
Speaker 1: studying at home, without a doubt. It's like you pick
18:11
Speaker 1: up on the energy. So number one, you've got that,
18:14
Speaker 1: you've got the fact that you are changing your environment completely.
18:17
Speaker 1: Number two, I would imagine that you're quite interested in
18:21
Speaker 1: what you're studying, because if you've gone through gone from
18:24
Speaker 1: this career in biology and now you're going to law.
18:27
Speaker 1: This is not oh, I felt like I had to
18:29
Speaker 1: do it. You literally or had agree you are going
18:31
Speaker 1: to be interested. So now just some basic, basic piece
18:35
Speaker 1: of advice when it comes to studying. Number one is
18:39
Speaker 1: change your location around when you study. So if it's
18:41
Speaker 1: at the university, maybe work a little bit of time
18:43
Speaker 1: at the cafe and then move after two hours or
18:45
Speaker 1: an hour and a half whatever, move into the library
18:48
Speaker 1: and then move to another building or whatever. I used
18:50
Speaker 1: to do that all the time at Union, and I'd
18:52
Speaker 1: end up studying at maybe three different locations around the campus.
18:56
Speaker 1: I found that really really helpful. If you're not on
18:59
Speaker 1: campus that day, then maybe do a bit of study
19:01
Speaker 1: at home and then take it to a cafe, go
19:04
Speaker 1: somewhere else and study. Changing your environment when you study
19:07
Speaker 1: is proven to make you retain information better. And there's
19:11
Speaker 1: many reasons for that. But they say that if you're
19:13
Speaker 1: too comfortable, like lying in bed and studying, the belief
19:16
Speaker 1: around that is that you're almost too relaxed, you're not
19:20
Speaker 1: alert enough. However, if you take yourself to I'm using
19:23
Speaker 1: cafe as an example because that's the very common one,
19:25
Speaker 1: then without realizing it, you're on slightly high alert. There's
19:29
Speaker 1: distractions going around, but nothing crazy annoying. It's not a
19:32
Speaker 1: siren or like a water dropping next to you. It's
19:34
Speaker 1: just ambient noise. But that's enough to kind of I'm
19:37
Speaker 1: a little bit more alert. And given that I'm a
19:39
Speaker 1: little bit more alert, that alertness is actually helping me
19:42
Speaker 1: study and consolidate information, remember things. It's gonna help with
19:47
Speaker 1: my recall and all of that. Okay, So definitely changing
19:50
Speaker 1: your location around that's huge, and do it multiple times
19:52
Speaker 1: a day if you're dedicating a whole day to studying
19:55
Speaker 1: multiple times a day. Also, you want to make sure
19:57
Speaker 1: that you are doing like you are. You want to
20:02
Speaker 1: do power hours of power over long marathon stretches. And
20:07
Speaker 1: what I mean by that is we make the mistake
20:11
Speaker 1: in sitting down and thinking, I'm just going to try
20:14
Speaker 1: and like finish this essay today. And so you sit
20:18
Speaker 1: down and you're slogging it out and you've given yourself
20:20
Speaker 1: the task of finishing the essay for the day, but
20:22
Speaker 1: it's like an eight hour day and before you know,
20:25
Speaker 1: you've probably done two hours worth of work stretched out
20:27
Speaker 1: over eight hours. Because it's like there's no like the
20:30
Speaker 1: end is not near it's such a stretched out day.
20:33
Speaker 1: It's very true that you will fill up your time
20:40
Speaker 1: with what you need to do. So for example, if
20:42
Speaker 1: you've got three tasks and you give yoursel eight hours,
20:45
Speaker 1: it's going to take you eight hours to do it.
20:46
Speaker 1: If you've got twenty tasks and you give yourself eight hours,
20:49
Speaker 1: it will take you eight hours to do it. What
20:50
Speaker 1: I mean by that is, instead, when it comes to studying,
20:55
Speaker 1: what I would recommend is you break up even within
20:57
Speaker 1: the same subject. But for example, say with the one
20:59
Speaker 1: subject you're like, I've got to get references for this essay.
21:02
Speaker 1: I also need to review this certain paper. I also
21:05
Speaker 1: need to brainstorm what this other thing that I've got
21:08
Speaker 1: to write is going to look like. That's already three
21:10
Speaker 1: categories within the same subject, and I want to dedicate
21:13
Speaker 1: let's say what two two and a half hours, I
21:15
Speaker 1: do forty five minutes on each category, and it's my
21:17
Speaker 1: hour of power or my you know, time blocking hour
21:20
Speaker 1: of power. Set the fucking time for forty five minutes.
21:24
Speaker 1: Do not look at your phone. Your phone should be
21:26
Speaker 1: upside down and not in arm's length. Okay, if you're
21:30
Speaker 1: at a cafe, your phone should be in your bag.
21:32
Speaker 1: So you can't just automatically subconsciously reach for it because
21:36
Speaker 1: it's anpulsive habit that we all have. So then once
21:41
Speaker 1: you've done that, you should be able to hear the
21:42
Speaker 1: alarm go off. After forty five minutes. You've just powered through. Okay,
21:48
Speaker 1: you have. You're more likely to get more references done
21:51
Speaker 1: because you're not switching focus, you're not trying to do
21:53
Speaker 1: too many things at once, and then once that timer
21:55
Speaker 1: goes off, you're done. You were done with referencing for
21:59
Speaker 1: that block. Next, I'm moving on to the next thing,
22:01
Speaker 1: not before a break. I'm gonna give myself ten minutes.
22:04
Speaker 1: I'm gonna google sewing because that's what i was talking
22:07
Speaker 1: about just before. I'm gonna look up whatever. But just
22:09
Speaker 1: ten minutes and then I move onto a different task.
22:12
Speaker 1: I'm refreshed. I've had my break, and I'm going into
22:15
Speaker 1: a new task. So I'm gonna be a lot more
22:17
Speaker 1: excited and more refreshed. If I've got a full day,
22:20
Speaker 1: then I can take I do the three things, take
22:21
Speaker 1: along a break, and then I can return back to
22:23
Speaker 1: the referencing or whatever. But time blocking switching tasks, but
22:27
Speaker 1: after you block the tasks, so not within the hour,
22:30
Speaker 1: do not do that. But once you're like, I'm done
22:32
Speaker 1: referencing now I can move on. So your head is
22:36
Speaker 1: only dealing with one thing at a time. We do
22:39
Speaker 1: not multitask. You cannot multitask on high focus tasks, and
22:45
Speaker 1: studying is one of those high focus tasks. The only
22:48
Speaker 1: thing you can multitask on is low focus tasks like
22:51
Speaker 1: talking and driving. Okay, so hopefully that helped. Also, I
22:57
Speaker 1: think that study sessions with friends can be really good
23:01
Speaker 1: if they aligned with how you study. So if that
23:04
Speaker 1: friend is always talking to you and distracting and whatever,
23:07
Speaker 1: but you like studying with them because then you can
23:09
Speaker 1: go get a coffee, is no. The answer is absolutely
23:11
Speaker 1: fucking no, thank you very much. But if you can
23:14
Speaker 1: time block with this person and they adhe to your
23:16
Speaker 1: strict rules, but then you can get a coffee after
23:19
Speaker 1: two hours, then that's very motivating. You're actually more likely
23:22
Speaker 1: to get something done. Having a little trait or a
23:25
Speaker 1: prize at the end will motivate you to do more. Okay, okay,
23:30
Speaker 1: last word for the episode. This is imposter syndrome. I
23:36
Speaker 1: love the DYFM potty and I can't wait to see
23:38
Speaker 1: you live in Perth in May. I can't wait. Perth
23:41
Speaker 1: is going to blow up. It's the biggest show in
23:43
Speaker 1: all of Australia. So excited. I'm writing in today because
23:47
Speaker 1: I'm having major imposter syndrome, which is not like me
23:50
Speaker 1: at all. I'm twenty seven. In a couple of weeks
23:52
Speaker 1: for reference, I've spent the last fifteen plus months studying
23:55
Speaker 1: for an emergency response role, which has cost me more
23:58
Speaker 1: than thirteen grand out of pocket expenses, and I'm starting
24:01
Speaker 1: to doubt my ability of being good enough for this
24:04
Speaker 1: role as there are more experienced people than me. I'm
24:07
Speaker 1: usually a very confident person when it comes to study
24:10
Speaker 1: and learning, which I usually love, but the final parts
24:13
Speaker 1: of my study fire and rescue have been difficult for
24:16
Speaker 1: me physically more than anything, but also mentally. I can't
24:19
Speaker 1: help but think that there are more experienced people out there,
24:22
Speaker 1: more suited for this role. Also a big factor is
24:25
Speaker 1: I have noticed nine out of ten people putting their
24:27
Speaker 1: unsolicited opinion about how difficult it can be an experience
24:31
Speaker 1: you need to be for this role. Would appreciate any
24:34
Speaker 1: advice you have. Also, I would like to add I've
24:38
Speaker 1: never had a supportive family. They've always been the first
24:41
Speaker 1: to tell me I couldn't or shouldn't do something. I've
24:44
Speaker 1: never let that stop me, but I just thought it
24:45
Speaker 1: was important to add. Okay, so firstly, let's quickly address
24:49
Speaker 1: the family, and then I'll address where your head is
24:52
Speaker 1: at with this. Okay, when it comes to family with
24:55
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome and all of that, I look at something
24:59
Speaker 1: as you are not entitled to know what I'm doing
25:04
Speaker 1: with my life, and I decide, based on your behavior,
25:07
Speaker 1: based on anyone's behavior, how much I choose to share.
25:10
Speaker 1: So if someone I don't care who the fuck they are,
25:12
Speaker 1: I don't care if they birthed you out of their
25:14
Speaker 1: vaginal canal. Okay, if somebody is making me feel like
25:18
Speaker 1: shit every time I'm trying to share something about my
25:22
Speaker 1: life or what I'm doing, then I just share less
25:26
Speaker 1: and less and less and less and less and less.
25:28
Speaker 1: And whose fault is that? Your fucking fault, not my fault,
25:32
Speaker 1: Your fault, all right. I don't even have to tell
25:34
Speaker 1: you that I'm sharing less. I don't have to tell
25:36
Speaker 1: you because if one day you're like, oh my god,
25:38
Speaker 1: I just realized that you were doing this. You never
25:40
Speaker 1: told me that you were doing this. I said, I
25:42
Speaker 1: didn't bother telling you. Why why didn't you bother telling me? Well,
25:45
Speaker 1: because you always shut down every single idea. So I thought,
25:48
Speaker 1: maybe you can just fit realize that I'm doing it
25:50
Speaker 1: once you see that I've done it, instead of me
25:51
Speaker 1: telling you beforehand, and then have you give you the
25:54
Speaker 1: opportunity to shut down the idea. That's how I would
25:57
Speaker 1: manage that. So I don't care if it's like I'm
26:00
Speaker 1: changing careers. I'm not telling someone. If I know that
26:04
Speaker 1: someone's not going to support me and someone's gonna put
26:06
Speaker 1: me down, you don't get to know too bad, So
26:10
Speaker 1: sad you are not me. We're all in our individuals
26:13
Speaker 1: doing our own thing. If you want to go put
26:14
Speaker 1: yourself down when you're doing something, bear my guest. I'm
26:17
Speaker 1: not going to stop you. If being miserable makes you happy,
26:20
Speaker 1: be miserable. But I'm not interested. Okay, So less is more.
26:23
Speaker 1: You do not have to share things. I don't care
26:25
Speaker 1: how close they are with you. You don't have to
26:27
Speaker 1: share jack shit with absolutely anybody. They can see it
26:31
Speaker 1: through your actions. And then try and shut down the idea.
26:34
Speaker 1: I've already done it, cunt, try and shut it down.
26:36
Speaker 1: It's done, all right. So that's the first one, the
26:40
Speaker 1: next one, and you can apply this to anyone, friends, whatever,
26:44
Speaker 1: And the beauty of it is they will ask why
26:47
Speaker 1: didn't you tell me earlier? And then you can open
26:49
Speaker 1: up the fucking dance floor and say, well, dot dot dot,
26:52
Speaker 1: this is why I didn't tell you, And then if
26:54
Speaker 1: they deny it, say really, because based on our interactions
26:58
Speaker 1: in the past, I was just using your track record
27:02
Speaker 1: to predict how this conversation was going to go, and
27:04
Speaker 1: I wasn't in the mood. Wasn't in the mood, so
27:06
Speaker 1: I didn't want to tell you now with what you're saying,
27:10
Speaker 1: I want you to with imposter syndrome. The way imposter
27:14
Speaker 1: syndrome works is basically, you're telling yourself you're not good enough.
27:19
Speaker 1: There's someone who's more qualified for the role. There's people
27:21
Speaker 1: that are going to be better for the role. So
27:23
Speaker 1: that's basically ultimately what imposter syndrome is. But I also
27:27
Speaker 1: want you to look at it in a different way.
27:29
Speaker 1: I want you to be a bit more critical with
27:31
Speaker 1: your thinking and say, like, for example, the people that
27:36
Speaker 1: are more experienced at the role were not experienced at
27:42
Speaker 1: some point in their life. Right, You just have to
27:46
Speaker 1: have a burning desire to get to that stage. You
27:49
Speaker 1: wouldn't have gotten in if you were not capable of
27:54
Speaker 1: getting further in that career path. You wouldn't have gotten
27:56
Speaker 1: into the course. You wouldn't be doing what you're doing
27:58
Speaker 1: if there was no fucking chance that you'd be able
28:01
Speaker 1: to do it. So, my sister's a firefighter, and she was,
28:07
Speaker 1: you know, die hard wanted to be a firefighter, right.
28:09
Speaker 1: She had tried for the fieries and not gotten in
28:12
Speaker 1: a couple of times, I think twice, and then so
28:15
Speaker 1: she went, I got life experience whatever, and I think
28:17
Speaker 1: before she was thirty late twenties, she then tried again
28:20
Speaker 1: for the fires and then ended up getting in. And
28:22
Speaker 1: she was always saying, I want to get into special rescue.
28:24
Speaker 1: That's what I want to do. I'm going to get
28:26
Speaker 1: into the firefighters. I'm going to work my way up.
28:27
Speaker 1: I want to get into special rescue. And she entered
28:30
Speaker 1: it knowing very well that she was a novice at
28:34
Speaker 1: the start. But being a novice is like you, it's
28:39
Speaker 1: almost you can make it a game, you can make
28:42
Speaker 1: it like well, these people got to where they are
28:44
Speaker 1: they weren't born that way. They didn't learn this in
28:47
Speaker 1: primary school. They obviously as an adult at some point
28:50
Speaker 1: in their life, they had to acquire these skills from
28:54
Speaker 1: novice to expert. I am them. I am that. Don't
28:59
Speaker 1: look at people think, oh my god, but you're all
29:02
Speaker 1: in the same fucking situation. You all were a novice
29:05
Speaker 1: and you all got good. My sister, she starts off,
29:07
Speaker 1: obviously a novice. Has she ever done fire and rescue before? No? Okay,
29:12
Speaker 1: So she gets in, but she's very hungry. Okay, so
29:16
Speaker 1: you need to turn this attitude around into hunger. So
29:19
Speaker 1: she was very hungry. And apparently it takes something like
29:24
Speaker 1: up to two or three years to be a qualified
29:26
Speaker 1: fire fighters. You become your firefighter, then you gotta work
29:29
Speaker 1: through it. Don't quote me on this because I might
29:30
Speaker 1: not be getting it exactly right. But then you've gotta
29:32
Speaker 1: be a qualified firefighter. You've got to tick off all
29:34
Speaker 1: these modules of things that you've got to do. And
29:36
Speaker 1: in her station, she would work with people that are like, oh, fuck,
29:38
Speaker 1: you're way more You're way more ahead of me because
29:40
Speaker 1: you've ticked off way more modules than I have. And
29:42
Speaker 1: Stephanie is kind of like, well, what else are you
29:44
Speaker 1: gonna do with your time? Let's fucking go and let's
29:46
Speaker 1: do it. She's encouraging all the other people that are
29:48
Speaker 1: at her level to like, let's learn, let's do this.
29:51
Speaker 1: Can we practice this outside? Can we be doing this
29:53
Speaker 1: module here? Can we be doing so? It's just hunger, hunger, hunger, hunger, hunger.
29:57
Speaker 1: She's been in the brigade for years now. She's now
30:00
Speaker 1: exactly what she said she was going to do. She
30:02
Speaker 1: is now in Special Rescue Lives and Breads that fucking
30:06
Speaker 1: loves that. I need to get her back on the podcast.
30:08
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is that if she had that
30:11
Speaker 1: attitude when she first started as an absolute novice of like, oh,
30:15
Speaker 1: but people are going to be better than me, and
30:16
Speaker 1: I want to get into this specific thing. But people.
30:18
Speaker 1: She started off straight away telling telling her bosses this
30:22
Speaker 1: is where I want to be, this is where I
30:24
Speaker 1: want to get to. I'm gonna take all the help
30:26
Speaker 1: that I can get, but this is where I want
30:27
Speaker 1: to get to. And what happens people help her, Oh
30:30
Speaker 1: you want to learn this, Maybe you should talk to
30:32
Speaker 1: this person. Oh you want to be doing that, Maybe
30:33
Speaker 1: connect with this person. You've got to be very bold
30:37
Speaker 1: with people that are relevant. I'm not talking about your
30:40
Speaker 1: family that shuts you down. When you're within the industry,
30:42
Speaker 1: you talk to people, you network, you are hungry. Imposter
30:46
Speaker 1: syndrome is the biggest waste of time, because why not?
30:50
Speaker 1: Why not you? It's your fucking time, you put in
30:53
Speaker 1: the effort. Why should you feel like an impostor? You
30:57
Speaker 1: are doing the same path that everyone else has done
30:59
Speaker 1: to get to work. You want to be what about
31:01
Speaker 1: this is a fraud? You've got to change that and
31:06
Speaker 1: think there is no reason that someone should be in
31:09
Speaker 1: my position more so than me unless I'm not qualified
31:12
Speaker 1: for the position, in which case I can learn to
31:14
Speaker 1: be right. But if I'm entering the field and they've
31:18
Speaker 1: accepted me into the course and I'm going through the
31:20
Speaker 1: steps that everyone else is going to be going through,
31:22
Speaker 1: then why the fuck am I telling myself that I'm
31:25
Speaker 1: an impostor everyone else has been here. You need to
31:30
Speaker 1: shut down that idea. You need to say, I'm going
31:32
Speaker 1: to turn this and I'm going to be hungry. Every
31:35
Speaker 1: time I feel like an impost say how can I
31:36
Speaker 1: be hungry? How can I be hungrier? Who can I
31:39
Speaker 1: learn from? Who can I get advice from the people
31:41
Speaker 1: that I feel on my competition? What can I learn
31:43
Speaker 1: from them. Can I talk to them? Can I see
31:46
Speaker 1: what they did in their training? That's going to turn
31:49
Speaker 1: everything around, because then you're going to realize, wait a minute,
31:52
Speaker 1: I have resources flying at me left, right, and center.
31:55
Speaker 1: I just need to be ready to grab it. I've
31:58
Speaker 1: got to be willing to do the work. I've got
32:01
Speaker 1: to be hungry, I've got to be you know, okay
32:04
Speaker 1: with the fact that I might have to put in
32:06
Speaker 1: a lot more work now and maybe not as much later.
32:09
Speaker 1: But if you're prepared to do all of these things,
32:11
Speaker 1: there's no room to be an imposter. Trust me, you're
32:14
Speaker 1: not gonna have time to feel like an impost because
32:16
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm fucking doing the work. I'm here because
32:18
Speaker 1: I've earned my place, and I feel like everyone who
32:23
Speaker 1: puts in the effort, even if you like stumble and
32:25
Speaker 1: fail and it doesn't go well and whatever. If you're
32:27
Speaker 1: putting in the effort, if you want it enough, if
32:30
Speaker 1: you're talking to the right people, you're putting yourself out there.
32:32
Speaker 1: You don't have time. You owe yourself more than to
32:35
Speaker 1: feel like an impostor. Because the amount of clowns clowns
32:42
Speaker 1: that have gotten so far because of delusion, makes you
32:46
Speaker 1: think I need a bit of that delusion, have to
32:48
Speaker 1: think about it because there are so many counts out
32:51
Speaker 1: there who are in positions that they should not be
32:53
Speaker 1: in because they never had imposter syndrome. They never checked
32:56
Speaker 1: themselves and like, lucky for them, then they're just like
32:59
Speaker 1: they're delusion got them so far because they just, you know,
33:03
Speaker 1: meandered their way into these roles and you're like, how
33:05
Speaker 1: the fuck did this person get this role when I
33:07
Speaker 1: could literally run rings around this person because they don't
33:09
Speaker 1: feel like an impost. They're not in their own way,
33:12
Speaker 1: and you could be annoyed at them or you could
33:14
Speaker 1: be impressed by them or whatever, but you got to
33:15
Speaker 1: think I need to take a lead little bit of that,
33:19
Speaker 1: but mainly effort networking and hunger and realizing that all
33:24
Speaker 1: of us started off as an overs every single one
33:26
Speaker 1: of us started off as an overus. Okay, So hopefully
33:30
Speaker 1: that's changed your opinion about yourself and where you're headed,
33:33
Speaker 1: and I will see you in path. I'm so excited
33:36
Speaker 1: about that. Guys. That is all for the episode of today.
33:41
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for tuning in. If you want
33:44
Speaker 1: to send in your head noise, the head noise that's
33:47
Speaker 1: going on in your head. Just email info at dyfmpod
33:51
Speaker 1: dot com and that's all. I'll see you back here
33:54
Speaker 1: on the couch next week. As always, remember be can't
33:58
Speaker 1: to yourself, be can't to your brain. Don't take ship
34:00
Speaker 1: from anyone, and especially don't take ship from yourself. Don't
34:02
Speaker 1: care