Latest / Miss Understood with Rachel Uchitel / Nikole Mitchell: Former Church Pastor Turned Queer Stripper & Successful Adult Content Creator

Transcript

Nikole Mitchell: Former Church Pastor Turned Queer Stripper & Successful Adult Content Creator · Miss Understood with Rachel Uchitel

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  Speaker 1: That's B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash P-O-D. Start your journey to
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  Speaker 1: real conversations in a new language today. my guest today
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: has a story that was way too intriguing to ignore
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: she found her happiness later in life by leaving what
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: she knew to live out her truth this former pastor
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: left her leadership position in her church came out as
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: queer and became a stripper she also went from dead
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: broke to making seven figures and now teaches classes on
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: everything from sex ed to entrepreneurship welcome today nicole mitchell
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: hi rachel thank you so much for having me on
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Of course, I couldn't not have you on. I've been
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: stalking you for a while. I think your story is
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: unbelievable and needs to be told to people that like
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: are not living in their purpose and their happiness. I
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: think it's so important. So before we kind of get
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: into who you are now, what you're doing, talk to
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: me about where you came from, your childhood, your upbringing.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: What was your childhood like?
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was raised in a very conservative religious home.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I was raised evangelical. And very quickly picked up on
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: the messaging that was more caught than taught that girls
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: aspire to be mothers and wives and men aspire to
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: be leaders and have careers and thought that that was
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: the way it was meant to be. So I spent
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: the first 30 years of my life dedicated to that script,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: being a good girl, eventually a good wife, and then
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: going on to be a good mother and found that
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: in fulfilling the script that was passed down to me
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: in my childhood wasn't all that it was cracked up
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: to be. Wow.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: So were your parents really religious when you were little?
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: How did they get you into that whole path?
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Yes, they were raised religious and they were very dedicated.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: And so I grew up in the church. I was
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: at the church three times a week. It's where all
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: my friends were. It's where all my parents' friends were
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: and very close knit. It's the air I breathed. It
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: was the water I swam in. It was my entire
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: world for most of my life.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: And what was your first like foray into your sexual experience,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: your first boyfriends? Like, how did that go?
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: So I've always been super sexual and I have all
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: these memories from my childhood where like, you know, I
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: was little, like maybe five, six or seven when I
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: was caught touching myself and I was shamed for it.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: And I quickly learned like, oh, this must be bad.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I must keep this a secret. I remember in middle
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: school confessing to my girlfriends that I wanted to be
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: a stripper when I grew up thinking, Everyone wants to
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: be a stripper. And the looks they gave on their
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: faces were like, oh, this is also something I'm supposed
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: to keep a secret. So all these desires were there.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: And then in high school, I would joke that as
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: one big hormone with two little feet running around, like
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: I craved sex, but I was also terrified of it
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: because I was taught if I had sex, I would
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: lose all my value. Bad things would happen. I'd probably
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: get pregnant and I get STIs. And so I just
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: live this weird duality of like, I want it so bad.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: And yet I'm so terrified to go have it.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Right, right. So how old were you when you met
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: your husband?
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: I was in my early 20s. I was actually living
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: in South Korea, working at a Christian international school as
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: a high school teacher. And he was out there teaching
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: at Korean schools. And we met and I felt like
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: when I met him, I was like, I have finally
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: arrived because I've been taught my whole life that my
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: pinnacle was to find a man of God and marry
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: him and settle down.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: So was he the first guy you ever had sex
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: with or had you been sexually active?
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: So I had sex in high school. It was all
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: just so bad and lame, I think, which is probably normal,
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: but it was even more bad and lame because I
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: felt so much guilt over it that I would never
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: advocate for myself. I never used protection because to use
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: protection was to premeditate. You were planning on sinning. That's
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: even more worse than the sin. It was like the
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: double combo. So my full fit accidentally happens. at least
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: I can say I didn't plan on it, you know?
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: And so like, it was just bad through and through
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: and carried so much guilt and shame about my future marriage,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: my future husband, my value as a woman. And yet
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: it was still something I craved. Right.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: So you went to Bible college, you were accepted into seminary.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: What was the lesson that they taught you? What did
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: they teach you about LGBTQ, about marriage, about all that stuff?
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Again, I just drank the Kool-Aid. I believed everything
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: they told me and I aspired to become everything they
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: told me I was meant to be, which was a
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: good wife and mother. So in Bible college, even there though,
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: at this very conservative Bible college that my male professors
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: of a Bible all noticed this leadership skill I had.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: And they're the ones who encouraged me to go to seminary,
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: which I wanted. I love learning. I'm kind of a
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: nerd and I love speaking and I love impacting people's
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: lives but I even knew by like by applying to
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: seminary I would only ever be able to teach Sunday
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: school because as a woman I'm not allowed to teach
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: men and so there was like this sadness in the
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: midst of my excitement like oh yes I'm finally being
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: recognized for my skill and I'm so sad that I
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: can use it only in such a small niche way
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: and not at the scale that I wanted to and they.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: They obviously family was a big part of what they
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: taught and being with just one man and being heterosexual, right?
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: I'm assuming I don't go to church.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're lucky. Yes. Where I was
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: raised in a very homophobic culture and it never resonated
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: with me. I'm just a very loving person. So even
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: though I was taught that quote unquote gays being wrong,
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: I've always just loved everyone. And I was first exposed
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: to queer people when I was in high school. It
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: was my ninth school by my ninth grade. We moved
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: a lot growing up. And it was my first public
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: exposure to openly queer people. And they were my favorite.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: They were the most loving, the most fun, the most inclusive.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I remember begging to be gay because they represented who
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be. And so I saw firsthand that
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: what I was taught about them was not real, that
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: they're wrong and horrible and evil. And so- Even though
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: my head knew what my church taught, my heart knew
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: that it wasn't ultimately true.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: And when did you get to a point that you
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: started to question your own sexuality?
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: The signs were always there. Like looking back, I like,
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: I grieve the childhood I could have had. I grieve
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: the experiences I could have had, but I didn't fully...
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: I realized that until 2016, I was in my early mid.
• 7:51
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• 8:03
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• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Early 30s and it hit me and like, oh, all
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: that attraction to women, all that attraction to queer people
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: wasn't just because I'm a loving person. It's like, I'm
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: not straight. And that terrified me because my whole identity
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: was wrapped around being straight. I have to be straight
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: because I'm married to a man. I had three kids
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: with him at that point, you know, fulfilling my biblical duties.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: And now I'm like, if I don't even know my
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: own sexuality, what else do I think I know that
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: I'm completely wrong on? And that was the catalyst where
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: I began to question everything in my life.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: And you use the word queer. Can you explain to
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: people that are listening the difference between being lesbian or
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: being bisexual and queer, just so we all get that straight?
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: Totally.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: And I love that you asked that, Rachel, because queer
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: does mean different for every person. And so when I
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: first realized my queerness, I didn't know what I was.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: I just knew I wasn't straight. So I'm like, am
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: I bi?
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: Am I gay?
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: I don't even know. And over time, I realized like
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: the term that I most identify with is pansexual. Because
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: I am attracted to all kinds of genders. I'm attracted
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: to all kinds of orientations. Bisexual also applies. The reason
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: I don't use it as much is that people tend
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: to assume like, oh, you're into femme women and masculine men.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: I'm into all of that. And also the opposite. I
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: love femme men and I love masculine women. I love
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: trans people. So I typically use queer just because it's
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: more inclusive. And then it causes that lean in moment. Like,
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: what do you mean by that? And I can find
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: and explain what that means for me. Yeah.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: And pansexual, just to really get into the details, is
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: that specifically that you can be attracted to men or women,
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: but it's based on the personality and the person you're
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: falling in love with, right?
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Pan just means across. Okay. So it's across the spectrum.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: So all kinds, different genders and different orientations. We are typically,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like, we're the most open. We love all the humans.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: So you find someone who you just love who they
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: are regardless of their sex yeah and i'm.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: And i'm personally attracted to whatever genitals you have i'm
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: just like give it to me i will about it to.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: You Oh my gosh. That's so funny.
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: So you mentioned how you had three kids now at
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: this point, did you send them to church? They must've
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: been heavily involved at some point in that lifestyle.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: Yes. All their friends were from church, right? Like I
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: was raising them the way I was raised and I
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: was getting more and more involved in the leadership of
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: my church. I finally found a church in my late
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: twenties that taught equality between the genders, radical concept, you know,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: and I was like so excited that women were considered equals.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: And so they They started seeing my speaking ability and
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: I started speaking more at my church and my kids
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: were super involved. So eventually when I walked away from
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: it all, that was one of the biggest things I
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: had guilt with for about up to two years. Like,
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: did I make the right decision? Are my kids going
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: to resent me someday that I took them from their friends,
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: that I took them from their community? What if I'm wrong?
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: What if all this is real and true and I'm
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: completely defaulting and messed up? But that was part of
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: the journey of me coming home to myself and finding
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: what was actually true for me and wasn't just fear-based.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: But did they express that they really liked it? I mean,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: I know when I was little, my mom forced me
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: to go to church and it had the opposite effect
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: that when I got to be able to not even
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: make my own decisions, I'm not talking about when I'm 18,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: but when I was like 9, 10, 11, I resented
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: going to church and I never wanted to go. I
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: always fought it. I didn't like being there. And now
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: to this day, it affects how I feel about it.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: I only will go on holidays. I mean, I love
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: the idea of it, but being there was so forced
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: on me that it was hard to maintain.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. I think my kids were a little too young.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: They loved it. They were two, four, and seven when
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: I left, when I took them out of it. So
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: young enough to still want it and miss it. And
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: for me to feel bad about it, I think if
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: they had been a little bit older like you, I'm like,
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: I hate going. I would have felt relieved. but I
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: felt guilt about it because they loved it so much.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: So tell people, let's establish a picture here of where
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: you were at when you had this turning point. I mean,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: you had, you were in a position of leadership in
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: your church, right? Like tell us who, what kind of
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: a person you were before you turned.
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: So this was in 2016 when I'm like the most
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: active in my church, I'm now preaching and leading and speaking.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: And as I can finally reach this pinnacle that I
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: wanted to like I'm married to a man. We have
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: three babies. My leadership is taken seriously. And I'm just like,
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: I reached it. And yet I was getting really disillusioned
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: with the church because they were, you know, they're homophobic.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: So my queerness was secret. They were censoring me more
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: and more and controlling me more and more because they
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: didn't like that a woman was in power. I think
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: they liked to use me as a token, but not
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: as a real representation and equality in the church. And
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: once I realized that I was wrong, my sexuality, I
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: was like, there's probably a lot more else I'm wrong on.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: And so I was just in this storm of emotion.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Do I stay and pretend like I'm happy for the
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: meager results, which I'm getting, which is very little to
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: no pay at my church and like having to hide
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: my sexuality and pretend like everything's together when everything's split apart?
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Or do I just leave it all, walk away and
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: just discover who am I really underneath it all without
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: the fear, without the censorship, without the strict gender roles
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: that I have to play? Who is Nicole really? And
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: I decided to go for the latter, to walk away
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: and leave and find out my truth.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: So that's so interesting because you're talking about like this
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: job and identity that you had within, you know, people
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: looking at you. But how did that affect your relationship
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: with your husband? Did you start to stray? What happened
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: when you told him about this? Did he have a
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: feeling coming up, you know, with you telling him?
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah what was so interesting back then is um I
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: knew the one person I wasn't afraid to tell was
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: my then husband um because he's always back then he
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: was always my biggest champion and believer and so when
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: I came out to him as queer I was like
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: we were in the kitchen I'm like hey babe I
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: have something interesting to tell you and I'm like nervous
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: he's like yeah what's up and I'm like um I
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: don't think I'm straight. And he's like, Oh, tell me more.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Just this really soft, safe presence. And I start explaining
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: how he's realizing, you know, those feelings I have. And
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: I start crying from scared and like, I'm finding myself
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: and he's like, came and holding his arms. And he's like,
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: I think that's amazing. I think that's natural. I think
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: that's normal. I'm so excited for you. And always advocated
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: for me to like be free and to honor my
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: desires and to go after what I want and And
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: yet I was terrified because I'm like, but what if
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: my desires cost me my marriage? And so I didn't
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: know what to do because I had no intention of
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: leading that marriage. But I also had never discovered the
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: side of myself. And I was trying to figure out
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: how to walk that road.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: So, okay, let me just think about how most men
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: would handle that conversation. They would either be like, great,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: my wife wants to have a threesome and I get
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: to now, you know, fuck other women.
• 15:04
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• 15:35
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of men would probably get threatened
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: and jealous and be like, well, you can't be with
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: anyone else. So was he telling you you could be
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: in an open marriage and you could try things out
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: with women? Like what were you actually doing at that point?
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So at that point, he wanted me to go
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: out and explore, not involve him. He's like, you never
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: got to have those experiences. I would never want like
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: our marriage to hold you back to like go have
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: experiences with women. And I was like terrified because I'm like,
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: what if, I love it. And it makes me want
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: to leave it. I just was so afraid of my
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: own body, my own pleasure, my own wants, my own
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: desire that I was like, no way, no way would
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: I ever jeopardize our marriage over this. Like you, that
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: is crazy. And then I remember like months later, I
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: ended up going to this conference and I made out
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: with several women and it was like amazing. It wasn't like, oh,
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: I'm gay, but it was amazing. And then I came
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: back home and told him and he was triggered, even
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: though he'd been telling me for months to go do it.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: When it came to reality, it's actually really hard for him.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, so then I pushed it
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: all back away again. It's like, I'm not willing to
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: lose our marriage over this and kind of stuffed it
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: back down. Even though it's now publicly out as queer,
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: there really wasn't much I could do about it.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: And how was your sex life with him at the time?
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: If you had asked me back then, I would have
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: bragged it up. I've been taught in the church to
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: always highlight the good, downplay the bad. That's what a
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: good wife does. But in my 12 years with him,
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: I was never given an orgasm and I am very sexual.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: Like I could easily have sex every day. And so
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: to have that long of a period where I'm not
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: given an orgasm and I'm not being prioritized, um, it
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: was not, it was not great. And I, um, I'm
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: sad that I settled for so little for so long.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: But do you think it was because you didn't know
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: any different or like, why do you feel like you
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: settled for so long?
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: So there's a couple of reasons. So because of my upbringing,
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: I was never taught consent, for example. So in the
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: first five years of my marriage, I didn't even know
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: consent was a thing. I didn't know I was allowed
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: to say no. And because I've been taught as a
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: girl growing up, it is my job to satisfy your man,
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: which makes me so angry now. But I did that.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: So for the first seven years, I never said no,
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: even when I was screaming no inside, because like, I
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: just thought I was taught I couldn't. And so once
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: I learned later that my girlfriends were saying no to
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: their husbands all the time, I was like, what? And
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: I was so mad. How could I not be taught this,
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: that I have agency of my own body and like,
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: And so I started saying no more and more and
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: also trying to be the good wife and trying to
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: honor my body. And it was just kind of a
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: miserable state where I really didn't know how to advocate
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: within a marriage where I was bound to fulfill my
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: husband's needs.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: And when you were going out and meeting these other women,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: was it mainly, you know, physical or like what would
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: happen if you would get feelings for another woman? Did
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: that ever happen?
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: It didn't.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Well, no, I take that back.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Like it didn't, but yeah, there was someone I had
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: a crush on for sure. And we were talking daily
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: and my then husband knew about it and he was
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: kind of triggered, but trying to be supportive. And I
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: was the same way. I was scared, but also trying
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: to be open and like, just, and it was long distance,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: which felt safe for me. Like I'm like, cause nothing
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: can physically happen. I'm trying to feel into these feelings
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: and it only lasted a couple months and we became
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: like friends after that. And it was like all fine.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: But I realized like, maybe there is more going on here.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: maybe there's more out there for me. And the last
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: couple of years of our marriage, I was so sexually
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: starved and so sexually charged at the same time that
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: I swore I was polyamorous. I'm like, I can have
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: relationships with multiple people. And I started reading books about it.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: I started educating my husband on it and he was
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: trying to be open, but it really terrified him. It
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: terrified me, but I was finally getting to a point
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: where I was learning to like advocate for myself for
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: the first time. And like, speak what I want into
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: existence and become educated and learn my options and trying
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: to bring my husband along with it. And then we, we,
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: I feel like when I described my marriage, he was
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: always really liberal. I was really conservative when we met
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: and we were coming together and I thought we were
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: going parallel. We actually did this. I went on to
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: be very open and liberal and he went on to
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: go become very conservative and religious and we flip-flopped.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Right. Right. So ultimately it did not work out and
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: you guys had to get a divorce. And was that
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: after you left the church and all of that behind
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: or was that during that process?
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: No, I left the church in 2017 and then we
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: became one of the pandemic couples. So we got divorced
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: in 2020.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: Got it.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: So now spool back for a second and talk about
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: what steps you actually took to leave that former life
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: behind and start a new one.
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: So one of the things is I like literally preached
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: one Sunday or Saturday and Sunday. We had three services.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: It was a mega church. And then when I walked
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: out that Sunday, I knew I was never coming back.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: And I didn't tell anyone. I was so done. I
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: was so burned. I had been so damaged through the
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: process of working there that I knew they wouldn't care
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: if I told them anyway. So I just walked away
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: and left everything in 2017. And like, just kind of
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: went on this journey of unpacking theology and unpacking sexuality
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: and unpacking the indoctrination I grew up in, like, I
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: was like, I had to leave it all. And so
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: then finally in 2019, I was like, I literally need
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: to like leave. So I was living in Minnesota at
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: this time and we packed up and moved to California.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Cause I'm like, I need a fresh slate where no
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: one knows anything about me and I can be whoever
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: I say I am. And that's what required for me.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I think if I had stayed where I was, it
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: would have been a lot harder because people would have
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: tried to have kept me in that box. I'd always
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: been in, but coming out here where no one knew
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: anything about me was such a chance for fresh air,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: a fresh start. And be really intentional about who I
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: am in front of other people.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Right. So you could start kind of completely a whole
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: new life.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: So what is your actual job now? Or what did
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: you first go into? You're a stripper. You're an OnlyFans creator.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: You're a teacher of this educational stuff with sex ed.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Tell me exactly how you would define yourself.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: So I'm a life coach and an adult content creator.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: So I left everything in 2017. I found out life coach.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Coaching completely changed my life. I hired my first life
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: coach in 2017 to figure out who am I, what
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: am I, and what is my purpose. Started my own
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: life coaching business in 2018 and started helping people and
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: come home to the power and start living their truth.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: And it was so invigorating and intoxicating to like find
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: personal power because in my church I've been taught, you
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: have no power in front of you. You have to
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: rely on your husband, your pastor and God. Don't ever
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: stand on your own two feet. So it's helping my
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: clients stand on their two feet, declare the life they
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: want to live and go after it. And during that
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: time when I.
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: Left her, like what you hear, turn into USL All
• 22:30
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• 22:34
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• 23:01
  Speaker 2: All these sexual desires that I had suppressed my whole
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: life just came raging to the surface. Like, I was
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: starving to express myself sexually. And when I learned about OnlyFans,
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh. There's an actual platform
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: where I, from the comfort of my own home, can
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: post these messages. sexy photos I've taken of myself in
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: the past five years. Like my best friend back then
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: would always take naked photos of me. Like it's always
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: been there. I always hide them on my phone. They
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: weren't even for my husband. They were for me. I
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: love them. I thought they were gorgeous. They were beautiful.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: They're essential. I so badly wanted the world to see them,
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: but Facebook won't let you and Instagram won't let you.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: So I learned about OnlyFans. I was like, this is it.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: This is my, this is my outlet. But it took
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: me about a year to work through my fears. What
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: do I do if my children find out? What do
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: I do when my parents find out? What will this
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: do to my clients? Will my life coaching clients be like,
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I can't take you seriously. I had to work through
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: all of the fear that came with that. And then
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: finally in 2019, I felt really clean and clear about it.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: And I launched it that year.
• 23:59
  Speaker 5: And I loved it. Wow.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: That's such an amazing story. So the people you were
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: life coaching for, it was not about anything sexual was
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: not that storyline. It was just about how to be
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: a better person, find your purpose, your happiness. And internally
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: you were wanting to do more sexually, but okay. So
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: the only fans is what brought you to that pinnacle.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Now talk to people about only fans. Cause I think,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've talked to a number of different people
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: cause I feel like a lot of people have only
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: fans and so many people are interested in getting started
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: in it, but are so confused by it because number one,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: it deals with content that they don't know that they're
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: ready to put out. They're scared of like this coming
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: undone or this coming out, so to speak. And then also,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: how do you even find people to be watching you?
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's like twofold, right? How did you get
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: your viewers?
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Yes. So OnlyFans, I think the best way to think
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: of it is just like any other social media platform.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: It's just a place for you to make it whatever
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: you want to be. So it could be just equal
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: to you creating a second Instagram account where it is
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: solely just for you to practice taking up space. So
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: whether it's you taking up space sexually, you taking up space,
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: like speaking your truth and not censoring it, like you
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: have to in front of your family and friends or
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: being the professional version of you when everyone just sees
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: you as the goofy version of you. Like it's just
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: another chance or outlet. It's like, who do you want
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: to be? How do you want to be seen? So
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: when I started it, I didn't tell anyone. It's just
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: for me. What does it feel like for me to
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: post sexy photos of myself on this platform? And of
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: course I was scared. I was also kind of excited.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: And I kind of liked that feeling of like I
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: was on the edge of something. And then when people
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: started subscribing and paying me money, I was scared by
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: that too. Cause I'm like, Oh my gosh, what are
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: they going to think? And what are they going to say?
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: And also, Oh, I, I love getting paid for this.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Like this is a win-win. I would post this stuff
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: for free. I love it that much. But if you,
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: if you want to pay me and tip me like, yes, please.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: So it really started for me as a place to
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: just practice taking up space and being seen and, feeling safe,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: being sensual. So I was very mild, very PG, like
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: always wearing lingerie or always having everything covered. I was
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: just practicing. And when people were like, spread your legs
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: and show me, baby. I would be like, thank you
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: so much for asking. I'm not there yet, but if
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: you're willing to stick around, you'll see, you'll join me
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: in my own evolution. And I think that's part of
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: what built a loyal following is like, I didn't come
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: on here. It's like, here it is, eat it. It's like,
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: Hey guys, I'm going to try this. I'm kind of nervous.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: They've seen me unfold and evolve in real time. And
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: that's kind of rare. Like if you go to Pornhub,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: you just get porn, but you don't see a woman's
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: evolution in real time. And it's really authentic. And I
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: think it's part of what makes it so magnetic. So
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: what I eventually did after I started it, I did
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: make a post on social media thing. I'm now doing
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: this thing. I'm excited. I love it. If it offends
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: you and bothers you, please unfriend me and unfollow me now.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: If you're inspired by it and you want to see
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: what the journey is all about, you're welcome to join along.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: But moving forward, this is what I'm doing. And I'm
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: making peace with it. Don't bring your issues to me here.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: And then I got really good at getting media. Because
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: like you said, if you don't get exposure, no one
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: can find you. This is true for OnlyFans. It's true
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: for your business. This is true for finding clients. If
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: people can't find you, they can't pay you. So I've
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: gotten really good at getting press to let people know
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: I'm out here if they would like to follow me
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: on OnlyFans.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: So you said something that was really interesting. You said
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: you were nervous to start because of what your kids
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: might think, your family, your clients. What was the reaction
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: of everybody after you started and kind of it became
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: known you were doing this?
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my family was horrified, right? Like it was like
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: I'd gone off the deep end and lost all sense
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: of direction and lost sense of who I am. And
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: I totally lost and wrong. And It was heartbreaking for them.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: And I understand because of the beliefs they hold. I
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: used to hold those beliefs. I would have fought the
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: same thing 10 years ago. And so I really had
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: to stand on my own two feet and trust that
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: I was making the right decision because there was so
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: much feedback about how I had lost it and I
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: was wrong and I was ruining everything. I was ruining
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: the reputation of Jesus. I was ruining my marriage. I
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: was ruining my kids' futures. My kids were young enough
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: to where they didn't know. They were pretty small then. Um,
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: but I'm, you know, I've gotten a lot of press
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: and there's my stories ever on the internet. My kids
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: are on the internet. So we have lots of conversations
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: about it. They don't know the details, but they know
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: I'm a model. I do lingerie nude shoots and they
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: see my toys and they're just like, that's weird. Like they,
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: it's not like this like horrible thing. It's like, that's weird.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, I used to think that when
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: I was a kid too. And you know, when you
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: get older, you'll learn that adults do adult things and
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: kids do kid things. And this is just for adults.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: And That's fine if you think it's weird. Like, okay.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: It's not the big deal that people thought it would be.
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of kids think their parents are
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: weird no matter what it is, even if it has
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: nothing to do with their story. So my daughter tells
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: me I'm weird all the time anyways, too. So I
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: don't think it matters. So I've seen your social media
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: and people should take a look at it. But explain
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: the difference between what you put out on your social
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: media and your Instagram and then what's different about them,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: what they can pay for. Because the stuff on your
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: social media is a little risky and erotic, right?
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: I love giving like little teasers on my social media,
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: especially Instagram. I love, I love being sexy and I
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: love being sensual. And if I can capture that in
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: a photo or video, I want to share that with
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: the world. But when you subscribe to my OnlyFans, it's,
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: I go, I make explicit content. I make girl, girl content.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: I've made some boy, girl content. I make a lot
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: of solo content. And you also, beyond that, you also
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: get to know more about me and my personal life
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: that you would never know on social media.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: Don't miss a minute of United Soccer League action. The
• 29:57
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• 30:01
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• 30:27
  Speaker 2: I also love this platform. It's not just so I
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: can spread my legs. It's also so I can share
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: my heart. And so my fans know about my kids.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: They know about my dreams. They know about my interviews.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: And they're so supportive. Like, tell me as soon as
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: your episode drops. Like, oh, your kid's birthday's coming up.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: I'm mailing gifts. So my kids get gifts in the
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: mail from my fans. Like, It's very communal and it's
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: so unique because in most adult spaces, it's just for sex.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: It's just for porn. But in my space, like, let's
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: talk about your kids and your kinks. Let's talk about
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: your fears and your fetishes. And that is, I think,
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: so nurturing and fulfilling to their whole person that it
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: just keeps drawing people in.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: So how often do you have to work, quote unquote,
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: put out new content, make videos? Like what, what is
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: the week in the life or day in the life?
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: So I produce a lot of content. I've gotten really good.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: I've been doing this for three and a half years.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: I'm really good on capitalizing on opportunities. My selfies or
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: my tripod stick is with me everywhere I go. And
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: so I post every single day on OnlyFans. I am
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: in the DMs every day on OnlyFans. I sell videos
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: every Tuesday and Friday. I do three live streams every month.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: I sell one-on-one calls. People can do one-on-one Zoom calls
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: with me. And in the beginning, it was overwhelming because
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: you're trying to juggle and you're trying to figure out.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: Now I've done it long enough where I have a
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: system and it feels really easy. I have a lot
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: of time because I can schedule out my posts for
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: the day. So I don't have to be there live.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: I can schedule it when I send out a DM
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: or a video I'm selling online. And then I usually,
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: when I make content, it's usually like one batch. I
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: can make a ton on this day, so I don't
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: have to make any for two weeks. So there's, it
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: provides a lot of time and space freedom in my life.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: And you've openly talked about the fact that at one
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: point in your life, you were basically broke and living
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: off of food stamps. And now you've gone into making
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: over seven figures. How, how do you actually make money
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: doing this?
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, this is one stream of income where a
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: big chunk just comes in subscriptions. Because they have to
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: pay for mine. You can create a free one. I
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: have a subscription-based one. So they have to pay my
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: monthly fee of $ 15. When you buy any of my
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: videos on Tuesday and Friday, whenever you buy my panties,
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: when you book a one-on-one call with me, when I
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: do my live streams, they tip me. I do a
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: monthly campaign. It's like a fun game activity we play
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: that raises money. So they're tipping me during the game.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: There's so many ways you can make money on that platform.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: which I teach inside my OnlyFans training because I get
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: that question a lot. How, Nicole, how do you make
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: money on there? There's so many ways, but it just
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: starts with you starting. If you can just start it,
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: you'll eventually tack on all the ways you can make
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: more money on there.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Right, right. So explain to people what you think is
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: the best, like what are the best pieces of content
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: to put out or what works and what doesn't work?
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: Honestly, it is like, what is authentic to you? I'll
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: have women come to me like, okay, So I have
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: to show my pussy right away, right, Nicole, to make money.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like if that's what
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: you want to do, yes. But that's actually not what
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: you don't want to do.
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: No.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: My fans are very protective of me throughout my whole journey.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: Like when I was trying new things, they'd always say,
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: don't rush. Move at your pace. We're fine. We're waiting.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: Like we'll never pressure you. And I love that. And
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: then when I would try these new things, they would
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: just celebrate me. Like, how do you feel? Do you
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: think you'll keep doing that? Do you think you won't
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: keep doing that? Like so genuinely inspiring. caring about my
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: feelings about it all. That's what makes it so magnetic.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: I'm not just like, here guys, take it. I can
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: get honestly a little shocked. Like, whoa, that's not you.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: Why are you doing that, Nicole? So if you can
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: be authentic about what your boundaries are and you have
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: to be really honest, like don't be wishy-washy. They actually
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: admire you more when you walk in your boundaries than
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: when you try to pretend like you'll do more than
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: you actually will. They actually respect that because now they
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: know what to expect. They can see you when you
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: start growing past that edge and then they get to
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: celebrate you in that growth. Right.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: So I've been on your website and you teach actual
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: classes or have workshops, right? Talk a little bit about
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: what you do there and what your message is in
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: general through your teaching.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, through all this, I'm still a life coach. And I,
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: you know, I was afraid of losing clients, losing business.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: And now people hire me mostly because I have an
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: OnlyFans and because I've gone from food stamps to seven figures.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: So like, how do I be seen and feel safe
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: in my body? And how do I make a shit
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: ton of money? That's what people hire me for. So
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: I have like my signature money program, which is become
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: a money magnet. I have absolute confidence masterclass, which is like,
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: how do you have confidence? How do you show up
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: in your truth, in your power, in your body, in
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: your sensuality when the whole world is telling you to
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: shrink and be quiet? I have a sexy and free program,
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: which is my signature embodiment program. What's it like to
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: live in a body and feel safe in it, feel
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: sexy with it and to express in a way that
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: feels amazing and you feel safe. So I have over
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: a dozen courses and I'm currently teaching a parenting course.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: Like people are asking, how do you raise kids? How
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: do you talk about sex? How do you talk to
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: them about your work? How do you help them handle bullying?
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: How do you raise kids to like be good with money?
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: And so that's now what I'm currently teaching and I
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: love it.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: So you, I saw that you have a sex ed
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: live stream every month. And at one point, like one
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: month was about deep throating. The other month was about
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: sex clubs. So talk to me about that for a second.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: Cause when I saw that, I was like, Wait a minute.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: How does she teach about deep throating to all these people?
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: Give us some tips on that.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: Yes. So inside of my only fans, and this is
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: why I love it. It's so holistic. It's not just
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: like porn. It's like, I actually want to educate and
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: I want to connect and I want us to learn together.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: So I, every month I host a sex ed live
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: stream on there and I pick a topic that typically
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: something that I'm currently learning or going through. So again,
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: so authentic. And they're like, tell us more. So I've
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: gone to some sex clubs recently. So my one was
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: like all about sex clubs. And here's what I've learned.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: And here's my tips. And here's what I didn't like.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: And like, they just eat it up because a lot
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: of these people haven't themselves given, give themselves permission to
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: try these things. Deep throating. So I'm like, I find
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: it super hot when you can, when, when I watch
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: a woman deep throat online, I'm like, oh my God,
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: that is goals for me. I can do that. I
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: want to do that. So I started researching it. I
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: took a deep throating class. Online, I'm like watching these videos.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: I'm like practicing at home with my toys and like
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: I'm practicing on people. And it's just like, oh my God,
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: I love this. And so I bring this conversation and
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: people like, like you said, tell me more. But it
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: all starts from like honoring your desires. I don't deep
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: throat because I'm a woman. I'm supposed to.
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: Ew.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: I deep throat because it turns me on. So I
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: only do what lights me up. So that like grosses
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: you out and you have no interest. Don't do it.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: Like just honor where you're at. Glean the information that's
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: going to help you tune in on doing it well,
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: doing it safely, doing it consensually. And you'll have a
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: pretty amazing experience with it.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: What consequences have come with this choice that you've made?
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: I love that question, Rachel. I've lost all three of
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: my best friends. I've lost my entire family. Have probably
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: been my biggest losses. and cried many, many tears over it.
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: I don't regret it. It was worth it. Like if
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: me being me costs people who love me, then I
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: don't know if like, if that's real love, if you
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: can only love me when I'm who you need me
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: to be and not who I actually am. I don't
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: know if I want that love in my life, even
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: though I grief their apps, I grieve their absence. I
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: miss them Um, starting over in your mid thirties with
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: people who don't know anything about you is beautiful, but
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: also like, there's no history there. There's no, like, who
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: can I call with this little thing? Oh, wait, I
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: can't call that friend. Um, so I've had to start
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: over and find new friends and it's really slow, especially
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: here in Orange County. Um, it's very conservative here. And
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: so people love me. And then when they find out
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: what I do, um, good chunk of them ghost me.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: And as a very sensitive and loving person, that's really
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: hard for me. So that's definitely some of the flip
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: side of the work that I do.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: And what's been the best thing about changing your life?
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. I'm so happy. Rachel, I'm so happy
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: to live life on my terms, to know who I am,
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: to know what I want. to be good at it.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: Like I've become such a savvy business woman, little Nicole
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: who couldn't rub $ 2 together, who've been taught her entire
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: life to depend on a man as a single mother
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: of three providing for her family in California, crushing it,
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: loving it, public about it, shameless about it, that you
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: can't put a price tag on. And that has been
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: worth the entire journey.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: I think it's such a universal theme that people live
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: in their past and are stuck in the guilt or
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: stuck in the shame for whatever they're going through. It's
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: such a good lesson that if you find your purpose
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: and your path, you can kind of get out of that.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: And as long as you own it and are happy
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: with it, like you can shed all of that fear
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: and judgment and, you know, and you can find your
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: new friends too, I'm assuming.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: A hundred percent. Yes.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: And what is your dating life like now? Have you
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: fallen in love with anybody?
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So after I got divorced, I went through what
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: I call my slept phase. I just was like so hungry.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: I just fucked everyone. I'm like, I just need, I
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: just need the feeling of being well fucked and fucked often.
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: And like just went after it. And I actively was
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: trying to find women actually to add women on my date.
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: Like I'm open to them in the dating apps, but
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: it's funny. It's like when you come out later in life,
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: you kind of hit through a second puberty. So boys
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: or men, I'm like, I'm so good. I know what
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: I'm doing. I know how to land any guy. But
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: as soon as a woman would cite him into my DMs,
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: I'm like, ah, ah, what do I, what do I say?
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: What do I do? What if I like scare her away?
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: And like, and I could not land a woman to
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: save my life. I could score all the men. And
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: it took me about two, over two years after getting
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: divorced before I finally found my groove. And I feel
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: really confident with women. And I'm like, come here, honey,
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: let me ravish you. And it was amazing. It was
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: so healing to just like, honor my desires on my timeline.
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: I didn't have to run it by anyone. I didn't
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: have to get it approved by anyone. It's like, you
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: want this, Nicole?
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: Go. You don't want this, Nicole? Don't. Stop. Like, that's
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: what I want for every human. And especially for those
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: of us who come out as queer later in life
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: to have the chance to discover and explore and experiment
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: without the rules and the balance that have been put
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: on us our whole lives.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: What is your thought now about God?
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: I think there's probably some entity out there, whether it's God,
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: it's loving intelligence. It's my highest and best self. I
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: do feel like I co-create with something and I love it.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: I love the mystery, but I don't hold to it
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: too tightly. After realizing I used to have all these
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: beliefs I still thought about, and now I don't think
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: any of them are true. I hold all my new
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: beliefs pretty loosely and it feels good.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: If you weren't doing this job, what do you think
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: you would be doing?
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: I would be an actress in Hollywood. I've always wanted
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: to be a star and be on the big screen.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: And even when I first moved here three years ago,
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: I was taking acting classes at a Hollywood coach. But
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: then when my story went viral, I realized I don't
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: think I want to star as somebody else. I think
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: I like being the star of my own life. And
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: so then I really poured it into myself and stopped
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: my acting classes. But if I wasn't being the star
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: of my own story, I would definitely be on the
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: big screen.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: That makes so much sense, though, because you are doing
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: the same kind of thing, making your own content, being
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: a star in your story. I love that. So tell
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: people where they can find you if they want to
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: sign up for a class. Share all the links right now.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can find all my links on my website, NicoleMitchell.com.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: My name's Sulta K-N-I-K-O-L-E. You can check out all my
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: digital courses on the Life Coach. You can check out
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: my social media. You can check out my OnlyFans. You'll
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: see that you can work with me one-on-one. Lots of
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: ways to connect, and I'm happy to connect.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: And do you read all your DMs if people are
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: messaging you or do you read the comments?
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: I do. So I run all my social media. It's
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: a little insane. I'm at a point where I should
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: have someone do it, but I'm so protective of my people.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: So I'm in my DMs every day on social media.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: I do have a few Instagram accounts. You're just going
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: to use my main account, which is my biggest one.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: I'm in there every day, checking the comments, checking the DMs.
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: I'm in my email inbox. It might take me a
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: few days to get back to you, but I will
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: always respond.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: And my last question is, where do you see yourself
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: in five years? Is there something on your bucket list
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: you really want to attain or do?
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: Yes. So I'm in the process of building my global empire. Rachel,
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: I'm taking over the world. So like what I want
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: to have in the future, it's like, I want to
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: have a lingerie line. I want a sex toy line.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: I want my own TV show. I want my own
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: fashion line. Like I am just getting started. And I
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: even wrote about this on social media last week where
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: I said, I can stop right now and just maintain
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: what I'm doing and live a really comfortable life. But
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: I am designed for so much more. And this is
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: just me cracking the tip of the iceberg. And I
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: cannot wait to see what the future holds.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: Well, your story is so inspiring. I wish you the
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: best of luck. I will make sure I check in
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: and go on the journey with you. And I hope
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: everyone else does too. Thank you so much, Nicole.
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Rachel. Thank you.
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: They think you're done for the day, but they don't
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: know about the drawer. The drawer. Just the one square
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: before bed.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: Or two, you know.
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: Nobody's watching.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: You deserve a treat.
• 44:34
  Speaker 4: With eight flavours to choose from, you can choose the
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: flavour you favour with Cadbury Dairy Milk.