Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / The One With the Dare

Transcript

The One With the Dare · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: You're listening to Episode 67.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I'm finishing up a series this week on redefining resolutions.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: In Episode 64, we discussed what redefining is.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Simply put, we are breaking those resolutions down into attainable steps to achieve the overall resolution.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: In Episode 65, I talked about the dream.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Dreaming or having a dream is our starting point.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: It sits in our brains waiting for us to take action.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: While having the dream is great, it usually doesn't take us anywhere.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Then last week, in episode 66, I talked about the decisions we make and how it affects our path.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: It takes many small decisions to reach our resolution and make that dream into a reality.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Those decisions are the chisel to our path.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Without them, there is no path.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: So if you haven't listened to them, feel free to go back and take a listen.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: But today I want to dare you.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: If you know me well, I love a good dare.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I've done a few in my life, and some were fun and exhilarating and while some were just short of stupid.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: But today I want to talk about daring to try.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Listen.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Today I want to talk about daring to try.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Listen, it will always be a no if you don't ask and you will always wonder if you didn't dare to try.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Anytime we dare to try, we are putting ourselves out there at risk of failure.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Brene Brown, in her book Daring Greatly, says this the courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: It's about the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: When we dare to make decisions for our resolution or dream to become a reality, then we are vulnerable and are allowing ourselves the freedom to not control what happens.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: We are showing up daily making those decisions to meet the goal.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Listen.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: If you haven't read her book Daring Greatly, I will put the link to it in the show notes.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: It's a fabulous read.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Daring to take action means we are getting off the shore, jumping in and letting the current take us.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Let me say this here You've been given gifts and talents, along with dreams and passions.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: What are you doing with them?
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Don't just sit and watch Netflix and be a couch potato.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: You're wasting what God's given to you.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: You see, most often, goals are set, developed, written down and then not carried out.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Why is this?
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Well, because we don't even try.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: It's because many people do not understand how imperative accountability is in attaining a long-term goal.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Remember a couple of episodes ago when I asked you to share your dream or resolution with a friend.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Accountability is such hard work and still harder to allow someone to be that for us.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Think about it.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: When it's just you who knows what you need to do daily, weekly, monthly or even for the year, how easy is it for you to back out?
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: It's so simple not to put in the hard work when no one else is aware of your aspirations.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Just recently, I shared with my accountability group that writing the book was going to happen in 2025.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: It was so hard for me to say that out loud I actually didn't even want to mention it, but they ask and they will keep asking, so I decided to risk it and put it out there.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: You see, it's easy for me to turn on Netflix and watch the next great episode of whatever, to watch sports, because I'm a junkie, or a good movie and do nothing.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I have nothing against those things, I'm just saying.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: But when those short-term goals are continuously missed, it begins to brew feelings of shame and guilt for not hitting the target, of feeling like a failure or of simply not being good enough.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: It leads to major embarrassment, and I don't do well with embarrassment.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Reaching short-term goals alone is how long-term solutions are attained.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Along with that little bit of grit and that huge amount of determination, a trusted friend, mentor or coach will not only carry the pleasures of success with you, but also the pains of shame and guilt.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Please do not fear the honesty and the vulnerability it takes to make the dream and the little diligent decisions along the way happen.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Remember, these decisions are the daily ones that take us one step closer to the result.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: It could be as simple as sending an email asking one question or, for me, writing 750 words daily.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Simple, right, but we are afraid that the answer is no or worse, we think they will think that we're stupid for even asking.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: We don't want to hire a coach because, well frankly, we're not coachable as a coach.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: If you're not coachable, then I don't want to waste my time or yours.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I have had players before.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Think that they know it all.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I once had a doubles team many years ago in tennis and one of them always replied I've got this or I know coach, and then proceeded to not do one thing to change the strategy.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: So I finally concluded I would only coach the partner because the player was coachable and allowed me to share what I was seeing from behind the fence.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: It takes a lot of humility to let someone else show you something different and then to do it.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: None of us have all the answers and I've learned to dare and ask for what I don't know.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Remember all the times I shared that I started, then got discouraged and then just faded into the sunset with my coaching.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Well, back in January of 2023, I dared to join a women's entrepreneur group to hold me accountable for movement.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I was afraid, but I knew this was a dream I wasn't ready to bury.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: So I joined and I can't tell you the changes I've seen since then.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: It was the best money I spent in 2023 and in 2024.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't be listening to this podcast if I hadn't joined that group.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: So let me summarize just for a minute the redefining of resolution in three steps.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: The dream it's okay to dream, but don't let the dream distract you from the daily disciplines it takes to reach your resolution.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: The decision you have to decide to put in the hard work, decide for yourself that you're worth.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Whatever it takes.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: It is a risk and it requires vulnerability to put yourself out there.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself this question what did I decide to do today to get me one step closer to my goal?
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: And then, finally, the dare.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I dare you to speak and verbalize your year-long commitments and goals.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I dare you to be vulnerable with someone and ask for them to hold you daily, weekly or monthly accountable in this area.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: So today's action step is more than a dare than a step, however.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: You can look at it as both.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't ask you to do anything.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: I have it done.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: I recently asked my writing and podcasting coach to help strategize my steps so I can reach my goal of writing this book.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: This week is to simply invest in what you need.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to schedule with a counselor.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Maybe you have a dream and need a coach to help you game plan your strategy for 2025.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're in the midst of your dream and find yourself ill-equipped for a certain skill.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Invest in yourself, sign up to learn the new skill or hire a coach to help you see what you cannot see.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: So, here at the beginning of 2025, here's my motto.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Here at the beginning of 2025, here's my motto.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: And well, frankly, it's always my motto Let fear be the losing opponent.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: If you dare, I would love to hear about your year-long goals and pursuits.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: You can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash, or you can sign up for a free 30-minute discovery call and let's begin the conversation.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: I'm praying that 2025 will be the year you discover your dare, strategize your next steps and see resolutions unfold in victory.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Until next week.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.