Latest / Networking Unleashed: Building Profitable Connections / Networking Unleashed: S1E16 An Interview with Scott Harvey and Michael A Forman

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Networking Unleashed: S1E16 An Interview with Scott Harvey and Michael A Forman · Networking Unleashed: Building Profitable Connections

• 0:00
  Hello, and welcome to Networking Unleashed, Building Profitable Connections.
• 0:24
  Welcome to the show, folks.
• 0:25
  I'm your host, Michael Forman, and you're listening to the podcast where networking
• 0:30
  is more than just awkward handshakes and bad coffee.
• 0:35
  It's an art and a talent.
• 0:38
  But here's the twist.
• 0:40
  It's an art and a talent you can actually learn.
• 0:43
  Yes, even if you're the person hiding in the corner at every event pretending to check
• 0:50
  emails.
• 0:52
  Unleashing isn't just a nice skill to have.
• 0:55
  It's a game changer.
• 0:57
  And when you get good at it, you'll wonder why you didn't start sooner.
• 1:02
  More connections, more opportunities, more profits.
• 1:07
  It's like unlocking a cheat code for life.
• 1:11
  So whether you're the life of the party or the let me just stay at home and text type,
• 1:17
  we've got something for you.
• 1:19
  Stick around, let's turn those awkward, small talk moments into big wins.
• 1:25
  Now I've got a guest here today who has really quite an extensive background.
• 1:32
  He was in law enforcement for 20 years as a hostage negotiator, no less.
• 1:38
  But that was really just the beginning.
• 1:40
  He wrote a book and he has so much more to give us, to show us, to tell us that I wouldn't
• 1:47
  do it justice by introducing him that way.
• 1:51
  So Scott, if you would, first of all, welcome to the show.
• 1:55
  Thank you so much.
• 1:56
  I'm excited to have this conversation.
• 1:58
  Good, that's great.
• 1:59
  So Scott, why don't you tell us a little bit about your background?
• 2:04
  So yeah, my background, as you mentioned, I was in law enforcement for 20 years.
• 2:07
  I've been married, more importantly, been married about 28 years now.
• 2:10
  So that's the main thing.
• 2:11
  To the same woman, so that's really saying something.
• 2:13
  I got involved in law enforcement fairly early on, that's what I went to college for.
• 2:17
  And when I got into law enforcement, I was only in for a couple of years before I figured
• 2:21
  out I was in a downstream problem.
• 2:23
  I was collecting all the problems that were downstream and I got tired of being in the
• 2:28
  cleanup business.
• 2:29
  So very early on in my career, I started fighting my way upstream to see what we could do to
• 2:33
  prevent some of these crimes, to educate people to make better choices.
• 2:38
  So that got me involved in things like the DARE program.
• 2:40
  I was teaching fifth and seventh graders just basically good decision making practices.
• 2:45
  I got trained as a hostage negotiator very early on.
• 2:48
  I became trained as a public information officer.
• 2:50
  So I'm talking to the media, relaying information to the public, keeping them informed as to
• 2:55
  what's going on, teaching our citizens police academy.
• 3:00
  All of this to say, it wasn't very long into my career before I figured out I was communicating
• 3:04
  for a living.
• 3:05
  I was wearing a police uniform, but even when it came to a physical altercation, Michael,
• 3:11
  I was the guy that would talk myself out of that fight, talk the person out of fighting
• 3:15
  me.
• 3:16
  I can take you to the ground.
• 3:18
  I would rather not, right?
• 3:19
  I would just rather talk you into a better solution for you and me.
• 3:23
  So it became very clear that I was communicating for a living.
• 3:27
  I'm the middle of three boys.
• 3:28
  So as the middle child, I'm the peacekeeper, the negotiator, all of that stuff just kind
• 3:32
  of came naturally to me.
• 3:34
  And I knew I could retire at 43 years old because I became a police officer at 23.
• 3:40
  And at the time it was a 20 year hazardous duty retirement.
• 3:44
  It's now 25, but I knew at 43, I had two girls that one was graduating college or graduating
• 3:50
  high school when I retired or when I was eligible to retire.
• 3:54
  And the second one was five years behind her.
• 3:56
  So I knew retirement and collecting a public pension was not my gig.
• 4:00
  I knew that about halfway through my career.
• 4:03
  So with about eight years left, I started speaking professionally and it kind of came
• 4:08
  up because I was attending conferences anyways and knew the conference organizers and one
• 4:12
  of them two months out said, Hey, we had somebody cancel for a breakout session.
• 4:16
  Do you have anything you can talk about?
• 4:18
  I said, sure, I can talk about bullying because I was in the day or classroom.
• 4:21
  This was a hot topic in 2010 when this request came through and she's like, that'd be great
• 4:26
  if you could do a bullying session.
• 4:27
  So I did that to about 20 people.
• 4:31
  All those 20 people over half of them came up to me afterwards and said, would you come
• 4:34
  train our staff?
• 4:36
  Because these were school principals, school resource officers, superintendents.
• 4:39
  I said, sure, you'll have to pay my gas.
• 4:42
  Like I didn't know how this speaking thing worked.
• 4:44
  Like maybe feed me lunch and I'll come.
• 4:46
  And so I did that.
• 4:48
  And then those staffs were like, Hey, would you come and train our students?
• 4:50
  I'd never done a student assembly before, but I'm like, sure, I can do this.
• 4:54
  I've been doing dare classes already.
• 4:56
  So I knew what connected with them.
• 4:58
  And so I started doing school assemblies in 2010 and I was eligible to retire in 2018.
• 5:04
  By that time I was doing about 90% school assemblies, about 10% adult learners in the
• 5:09
  education world.
• 5:11
  Then when I retired, I started transitioning more towards corporate speaking.
• 5:15
  And that's where the hostile negotiator stuff really started to play in because what frustrated
• 5:20
  me Michael is that corporations today, when there's an issue or a problem, they tend to
• 5:25
  shut down communication.
• 5:27
  Because they're so afraid of saying the wrong thing.
• 5:30
  And then my point is from a law enforcement standpoint, if we shut down communication,
• 5:34
  the public thinks we're hiding something.
• 5:36
  And it's no different in the business world.
• 5:38
  If you shut down communication, that feels like you don't care almost every time.
• 5:44
  And so I started putting together corporate presentation saying you are going to have
• 5:47
  a crisis every day.
• 5:50
  If you shut down communication, your people will start becoming suspicious.
• 5:53
  They'll start looking for a new job and your clients and customers will start wondering
• 5:58
  why they're not being informed about minor issues along the way when they would adjust
• 6:02
  to those if they would just be informed.
• 6:04
  So that's what I do today.
• 6:06
  Mostly corporate speaking, I still do school assemblies.
• 6:08
  That's the heavy bat.
• 6:09
  I tell corporate people all the time, if I can keep a thousand middle schoolers attention
• 6:13
  while they sit on bleachers in the gym for an hour, your boardroom does not scare me.
• 6:17
  And so mostly corporate today, school assemblies, if they ask, I just don't mark it to those.
• 6:23
  I'm older than I've ever been and less relevant to the average teenager than I've ever been.
• 6:28
  But still to me, that's the heavy bat.
• 6:31
  And that'll always have a special place in my heart.
• 6:34
  That's great.
• 6:37
  What you're really saying to me is communication is really the key.
• 6:43
  It's the main component of negotiating, whether it's hostages or not.
• 6:49
  It's negotiating between two elements, two people, two corporations, whatever.
• 6:55
  But communication is key.
• 6:59
  And listen, I've been married 37 years to the same woman.
• 7:04
  I am the middle child of two brothers.
• 7:08
  So I feel exactly, I put nine years as a police officer in the Air Force.
• 7:13
  So I really feel a kinship to what you are saying.
• 7:18
  You know, so how do you communicate with, well, let's just start with the average person.
• 7:26
  Okay.
• 7:27
  So instead of going to the corporate environment, how would you, if you see a problem, a something
• 7:35
  stirring up, a fight basically ready to happen, how would you step in and alleviate that problem?
• 7:45
  Yeah, I think especially for this upcoming generation, which I'm a big fan of, but honestly,
• 7:52
  I'll be honest, I get a lot of corporations that hire me to come in and train their new
• 7:55
  staff because they want me to come in and tell them you actually have to have conversations
• 8:01
  with people.
• 8:02
  You can't email text your way through business today.
• 8:04
  Like you have to have a conversation face to face is what we prefer.
• 8:09
  But voice to voice is second place to that.
• 8:11
  And they don't want to make a phone call.
• 8:13
  Is to get back to your point, this upcoming generation, which my kids are a part of, they've
• 8:18
  been trained to bump up against awkward and then run the other way.
• 8:22
  And they're afraid to have awkward conversations.
• 8:25
  If you feel like conflict coming on, like you said, it feels like it's easier to ignore
• 8:30
  it.
• 8:31
  It feels like I don't want to offend anybody.
• 8:33
  I don't want to have to take a side.
• 8:34
  This is going to be awkward.
• 8:36
  And I tell people at a time, we are paid to have awkward conversations if you're in leadership.
• 8:40
  That's your job.
• 8:42
  Your job is to call them in individually and say, I feel like there's a beef going on.
• 8:48
  I even tell them my spidey sense is tingling.
• 8:51
  And the best way to diffuse awkward conversations is to call it awkward from the beginning.
• 8:56
  Bring them into your office.
• 8:57
  Say this is probably going to be awkward.
• 8:59
  I don't want it to be awkward.
• 9:00
  I want you to be awesome.
• 9:01
  And in order to do that, we've got to work through these issues.
• 9:04
  I feel like there's a tension going on with you and coworker B. In my way off base, if
• 9:09
  I am correct me, but I feel like something's going on.
• 9:12
  And if you continue down this path, it's going to affect your ability to succeed at this
• 9:17
  company.
• 9:18
  And your success is important to me.
• 9:20
  So what can I do to help?
• 9:22
  Give them permission to be awkward in the beginning.
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  Call it out awkward.
• 9:27
  This is probably going to be awkward, but I want to have this conversation because I
• 9:30
  want us both to be better at the end of it.
• 9:34
  So let's just say there's been a lot of research on what you're talking about.
• 9:42
  And the Gen Z period is really what's come into play because those are the new employees.
• 9:52
  And I just read a research paper that said after a thousand employers, what a thousand
• 10:00
  employers said was that they're having a problem keeping their Gen Z employees because of lack
• 10:11
  of professionalism, lack of motivation.
• 10:15
  All they want to do is talk on Zoom or their cell phone.
• 10:20
  And the whole idea of what I do because I too go into schools and I tell them about
• 10:28
  not working communication, but in a different sense.
• 10:32
  So I say, what about distractions?
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  What's your number one distraction?
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  And of course, it's easy.
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  It's the cell phone.
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  So if you take the cell phone out and you talk to them, eye communication, eye contact,
• 10:48
  having that confidence, keeping your body straight, all of that is so intricate into
• 10:54
  the way that they.
• 10:58
  But okay, so let's say you're you're communicating, but I'm going to I'm going to take you out
• 11:07
  of the corporate environment and the school environment.
• 11:11
  And I'm just going to put you in a professional networking environment.
• 11:15
  Yes.
• 11:16
  Okay.
• 11:17
  Not like your wedding.
• 11:18
  Yep.
• 11:19
  I've met that incredible person, but give me give me some key elements to the art of
• 11:27
  communication with networking.
• 11:31
  So I tell people all the time, people freak out about small talk and they worry and I've
• 11:34
  had people hire me because they're like, I'm not good at small talk.
• 11:37
  I'm like, you are good at small talk.
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  You just don't realize it, right?
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  Networking small talk is whoever asks the most questions wins, right?
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  So people know that networking is a little bit awkward.
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  That's inherent in it, but the way you make somebody feel at ease in an awkward situation
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  is you ask them easy questions.
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  You know, tell me about you, you know, an easy one is what do you do, which to me is almost
• 12:01
  cliche.
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  That's played out.
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  One of my favorite ones, networking wise, what's the best thing that happened in the
• 12:06
  last year?
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  Cause that may be business.
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  That may be personal.
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  And if they share, well, my daughter got married this year.
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  That's incredible.
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  My daughter got married a couple of years ago.
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  Tell me about that and you just continue asking about that.
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  And then you might work into it, what they do and that kind of stuff through the course
• 12:23
  of this conversation, but ask them easy questions and then ask the follow up question to that.
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  You know, when they answer that question, ask the next question, even if you never get
• 12:34
  a chance to talk about you, when they leave that conversation, they're going to feel really
• 12:40
  highly about you because that guy was a good conversationalist.
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  He was a good listener.
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  She asked great questions, whatever it is, they're going to remember you because you
• 12:51
  put them at ease because you allowed them to talk about something they're an expert
• 12:54
  in, which is themselves.
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  You didn't ask anything else from them except to tell me about you.
• 13:01
  And then they will often reciprocate when they're done kind of talking about them.
• 13:06
  They're like, what's your story?
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  Tell me about you.
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  And then that's your chance to share.
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  If they don't ask, it's still a win.
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  And then the big follow up to me, the way I win networking is I'll get a business card,
• 13:17
  contact information, something from them at the end.
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  And then I'm the first to email them.
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  I email them that day, usually before the event is up.
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  And I will say, Michael, it was so good to meet you at XYZ event.
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  I loved hearing about your daughter's wedding.
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  If I can ever do anything for you, let me know.
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  Because when they do email me back, that reminds me what we talked about.
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  You know, it's a hack that tells me, this is a person.
• 13:42
  I met at this event and we talked about this thing and we automatically have a report and
• 13:47
  move forward.
• 13:49
  You just named about four things that I talk about with meeting, networking, communicating
• 13:58
  with people.
• 13:59
  The first thing I say is when you, after you are networking and you speak with somebody
• 14:04
  that you're interested in either them becoming a client or not, you let them talk about themselves.
• 14:12
  And I have a little system.
• 14:14
  It's called form, F-O-R-M, family, occupation, recreation, and a message.
• 14:21
  You kind of have all that going as they're talking about themselves.
• 14:25
  And you're right.
• 14:26
  Because when they talk about themselves, you're building up that level of trust and that barrier
• 14:34
  is coming down.
• 14:35
  And that's such a good, positive thing.
• 14:38
  And you know what?
• 14:39
  You say, before you even say what you do for a living, you say, you know what?
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  I like what you do.
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  I like how you do it.
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  How can I make you more successful?
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  How can I be a good referral source for you?
• 14:55
  It usually blows them away, but he'll give it to you.
• 14:59
  And that business card that you get, you're right.
• 15:02
  But you're on the back of the card.
• 15:04
  You write the date, the name of the function, and the item that you spoke about.
• 15:10
  Because when you do that follow-up, yes, you can put that card away and you'll have that
• 15:15
  information in the email, but you'll have it right there.
• 15:19
  Yeah.
• 15:20
  Yeah.
• 15:21
  It's huge.
• 15:22
  It's really, it comes in handy, but it's very important that you remember all of these
• 15:30
  things that you have to do.
• 15:31
  And after a while, it's not like you're going to have to think about doing it because it
• 15:36
  will just come naturally.
• 15:38
  Right.
• 15:39
  Right.
• 15:40
  And as a negotiator, Michael, and I saw a couple of your videos and I know you talk
• 15:43
  about this, my number one job as a negotiator was to build rapport.
• 15:47
  I need you to think, I need you to know that I care about you.
• 15:51
  I know that you, I need you to know that I'm here for your best interest because as a negotiator,
• 15:56
  I want you to come out safe and I want everybody that's inside with you to come out safe.
• 16:00
  And I want the bad things to stop once we start communicating.
• 16:04
  I want decisions to get better.
• 16:06
  I want situations inside to improve.
• 16:08
  I want to walk you through this so that nothing else bad happens.
• 16:11
  Right.
• 16:12
  And I have to build rapport.
• 16:13
  That's my job.
• 16:15
  And today in business, it's no different because we do business with people we like,
• 16:18
  no, and trust.
• 16:20
  And the best way to get people to like, no, and trust you is to make them feel comfortable,
• 16:23
  make them feel like you understand their problems.
• 16:26
  Sometimes I'll ask them, how's that going for you when they talk about work?
• 16:29
  How's that going for you?
• 16:30
  What is the issue you're having at work today?
• 16:33
  And whether or not I can solve that problem, I know somebody who can.
• 16:37
  Like you know what?
• 16:38
  I don't speak about that finances.
• 16:40
  Like I don't speak about finances, but I know a guy who does, who's an expert in this,
• 16:44
  who's helped people like you, let me connect you.
• 16:46
  And then I send an email connecting the two, say you two are awesome.
• 16:50
  Go be awesome together.
• 16:51
  And I'm still somebody that's helpful to them.
• 16:54
  So we've got to build rapport with people.
• 16:56
  Otherwise they won't do business with us.
• 16:58
  Absolutely.
• 16:59
  And that rapport building is so important.
• 17:03
  Now you sometimes have 30 seconds to build it.
• 17:08
  Sometimes you have three minutes, 10 minutes, a half an hour.
• 17:11
  You don't know, but the best you can be, first of all, is yourself.
• 17:17
  Be present, be yourself, and a lot of it will fall down.
• 17:21
  But let me ask you a question.
• 17:24
  What mistakes has happened to you and how did you overcome those mistakes?
• 17:34
  I think the first mistake and my worst, I will admit this right now, confessional right
• 17:39
  here on your podcast, names do not store very well in my head.
• 17:44
  I am not good with names.
• 17:46
  People tell me their name at the beginning of the conversation.
• 17:49
  And while I'm shaking their hand, my brain erases it like an etch a sketch.
• 17:53
  I will say it back to them as an effort to help me, but I just struggle with names.
• 17:58
  And sometimes I have called people by the wrong name.
• 18:02
  I'm also from the South, so it's perfectly acceptable to meet, greet somebody and say,
• 18:06
  hey buddy, how are you?
• 18:07
  Good to see you partner, how are you?
• 18:09
  Because I can't remember their name, right?
• 18:11
  It's not personal.
• 18:12
  I remember our conversation and I remember where we had the conversation.
• 18:17
  Like my brain stores things geographically.
• 18:19
  And so my wife and I have this standard practice that's been in our lives for over 20 years.
• 18:25
  If I don't introduce her to somebody that comes up and talks to me, it's because I don't
• 18:29
  remember their name.
• 18:31
  And so she will step forward and say, hi, I'm Greta.
• 18:34
  And he's like, oh, I'm John.
• 18:35
  I'm like, I'm sorry, John Greta Greta John.
• 18:38
  I learned their name same time she did, right?
• 18:40
  Or I remembered their name.
• 18:42
  So, but you know what?
• 18:44
  If that's what, if that's the worst that happens in the conversation, I talked to hundreds
• 18:48
  of people a week.
• 18:50
  And so do they.
• 18:52
  Missing their name, messing their name up is not a huge deal unless you make it a huge
• 18:57
  deal.
• 18:58
  In any conversation, if you make a mistake, own it.
• 19:02
  If I say, hey John, good to see you.
• 19:03
  And you're like, it's actually Michael.
• 19:05
  Michael, I'm sorry.
• 19:06
  I'll remember that for the next time.
• 19:08
  And we move on.
• 19:09
  You just don't camp there because the longer you camp there and make it awkward and talk
• 19:14
  about the last time you forgot somebody's name and everything, all they'll remember
• 19:18
  is the awkwardness.
• 19:19
  Sincerely apologize and move on.
• 19:21
  Very good.
• 19:22
  That's very good advice.
• 19:25
  I'm glad to see you're using that.
• 19:28
  You have been using that with your wife.
• 19:30
  My wife and I have the same exact thing because I too, I can't remember names for anything.
• 19:38
  She will step forward, introduce and I'll say, oh, that's right.
• 19:41
  I'm sorry.
• 19:42
  You know, Scott, this is April.
• 19:44
  April, this is Scott.
• 19:45
  And so on and so forth.
• 19:48
  How do you stay in contact with your relationships?
• 19:53
  How do you follow up with them?
• 19:55
  So generally I follow up with email.
• 19:57
  I don't love written communication as a standard as the gold standard.
• 20:02
  I prefer face to face.
• 20:04
  I tell people, if you can get in the same room and breathe the same air, that's first
• 20:07
  place.
• 20:08
  Second place is a Zoom video type call, Microsoft team, something like that so that you can
• 20:13
  see facial expressions because so much of our communication is nonverbal.
• 20:17
  Actually, depending upon what studies you read, 93% of it is nonverbal.
• 20:23
  About a third of it is our tone and about half of it is our body language.
• 20:26
  So you need to be somewhere where you can pick up tone.
• 20:29
  That's why I tell these next generation people, at least get on the phone because you can
• 20:34
  communicate compassion through tone.
• 20:37
  You can't do that in an email.
• 20:39
  That being said, I will email people on the follow up when I've met them at an event or
• 20:43
  a conference or something like that.
• 20:44
  I'll email them and then I will give them my email.
• 20:48
  Email me back.
• 20:49
  Here's my cell number.
• 20:50
  If you have a question, you can text me.
• 20:52
  You can call me whatever West way they're comfortable communicating because just because
• 20:57
  I prefer face to face or voice to voice doesn't mean that the Gen Z person I met at the conference
• 21:03
  is ever going to call me on the phone.
• 21:05
  And if they know it's okay to text me, then they can text me.
• 21:09
  Now it's possible that I will say, this is a great question.
• 21:13
  Can we talk on the phone to go through this?
• 21:15
  It's too much for my old thumbs to type.
• 21:17
  And they'll laugh about that.
• 21:18
  Eventually they've met me at a conference.
• 21:20
  They know I'm not a psycho and I can have a conversation and we'll get on the phone and
• 21:24
  have a conversation.
• 21:26
  But when I email follow up, if I don't hear back from them after a couple of weeks, I'll
• 21:30
  send them a second email.
• 21:33
  And in that second email, I always say something like, I probably hit your spam folder last
• 21:39
  time.
• 21:40
  I just wanted to follow up and say, it's great meeting you at this conference.
• 21:43
  If I can do anything for you, let me know.
• 21:45
  Now my CRM told me they opened the first email.
• 21:49
  They just didn't reply back because their world got busy and it's not a huge deal.
• 21:52
  But I always give them the out and more times than not, they email me back and they're like,
• 21:57
  you're right.
• 21:58
  It was in my spam folder, which I know is a lie, but it allows them to save face.
• 22:02
  And I'm okay with that because now we have a conversation going.
• 22:05
  I've given them a way to not be embarrassed and continue a conversation that they wanted
• 22:11
  to have.
• 22:12
  They just got busy and couldn't have at the time that I emailed them.
• 22:15
  And then if I don't hear back from them after the second, if I think it's a prospect or
• 22:20
  something like that, I'll send them a third email.
• 22:23
  And I got this from Grant Baldwin, who's a speaker.
• 22:25
  I don't know if you know Grant or not.
• 22:27
  I'm a graduate of the speaker lab.
• 22:29
  Okay.
• 22:30
  So Grant wrote an endorsement for my book.
• 22:31
  He's been on my podcast back when I had one and my favorite email of his is the email that
• 22:36
  says, Hey, I'd love to work with you.
• 22:38
  I don't want to bother you.
• 22:40
  So I'm going to put the ball in your court with this email.
• 22:42
  If I can ever do anything else for you, let me know.
• 22:45
  If they don't get back with me, they're not my person.
• 22:47
  But I tell you the times that somebody has gotten back to me on that third email and
• 22:51
  said, I'm so sorry, life has been crazy.
• 22:55
  Let's schedule a time to meet because they realized this is kind of last chance.
• 22:59
  That's Grant Baldwin's approach, Chris Voss, who's another FBI negotiator.
• 23:03
  He says in his subject line is, have you given up on working with me?
• 23:08
  Which is a great question.
• 23:09
  Because if they have, they can just continue to ghost me and I'll get the message.
• 23:13
  If they haven't, then we like, no, I'm sorry, I've been busy.
• 23:18
  Let's connect.
• 23:19
  Great.
• 23:20
  It's funny to bring up Grant Baldwin because I've spoken to him a few times.
• 23:28
  He actually contacted me because of what I did with his course.
• 23:36
  I went through his course faster than most and I've done a little bit.
• 23:41
  I've done pretty well with it.
• 23:43
  And he's a great person.
• 23:45
  He's a great guy.
• 23:47
  Okay.
• 23:48
  So give me one essential tip.
• 23:56
  You can give to someone looking to improve their networking or sales skills.
• 24:02
  Yeah.
• 24:04
  And it's the same thing when we were looking for a new negotiator to add to the team.
• 24:08
  That was the same quality we were looking for.
• 24:10
  Because we would have officers that would apply and they would say, I can talk anybody
• 24:13
  into anything.
• 24:15
  That's really not what we're looking for because what makes a great negotiator is
• 24:19
  the same thing that makes a good communicator and that's, they're a great listener.
• 24:23
  I have never talked anybody into doing anything.
• 24:26
  My wife, my girls, any hostage, the host, the taker I was talking to, but I have listened
• 24:31
  people into doing what I want them to do.
• 24:35
  Meaning, I'm asking questions and I'm truly listening for what's being said, for what's
• 24:41
  not being said, what makes them mad, what makes them happy.
• 24:46
  Those are the type of things that allow me to formulate a solution to their problem that
• 24:51
  allows them as many wins as possible.
• 24:54
  I know, let's say your kids are a motivating force for you.
• 24:57
  If you become a better communicator, you're going to be able to talk to your kids better
• 25:01
  and that's going to bring that relationship that much closer to where it needs to be.
• 25:06
  They're going to know mom is a great listener.
• 25:09
  Mom asks good questions.
• 25:10
  Dad is always available and he's going to listen when I come to him with the small stuff.
• 25:15
  So it makes it easier to come to him with the big stuff.
• 25:17
  So listening is a superpower today.
• 25:20
  And it is hard.
• 25:21
  I get it.
• 25:22
  We have so many things competing for our attention.
• 25:25
  That's what makes it so magnetic.
• 25:28
  That's what makes it so rare is that people don't do it.
• 25:31
  When my kids were growing up and we would go to a restaurant or a store or something and
• 25:35
  there was somebody just a few years older than them working there who did not communicate
• 25:40
  well, didn't make eye contact, mumbled, that kind of stuff.
• 25:43
  When they would walk away, I'd look at my daughters, I'd say, see where the bar is.
• 25:47
  You just have to be better than that, right, which meant when they were little and they
• 25:52
  wanted to change their order in a restaurant, they would ask me, dad, can you ask them if
• 25:56
  I can add this?
• 25:57
  No, but you can.
• 25:59
  That's your job.
• 26:00
  You have a want.
• 26:01
  It's a legitimate want.
• 26:02
  You need to ask for it.
• 26:04
  And they didn't want like they pushed back, but in order to get them to communicate on
• 26:08
  the level they need to communicate to be successful, we had to teach them to be not afraid to speak
• 26:13
  up appropriately, but also more importantly to listen to what's being said and what's
• 26:18
  not being said.
• 26:19
  I just said that because listening is such an important part of communication that many
• 26:25
  people just overlook it.
• 26:28
  They think about the next thing that they want to say and they're not responding to
• 26:34
  what is said to them.
• 26:36
  So listening is so and what's more important than listening that pause after listening
• 26:43
  because that tells the other person, yeah, they were listening to everything that I was
• 26:49
  saying.
• 26:50
  Yeah.
• 26:51
  So, so, so bring all this full circle.
• 26:53
  Just give me your favorite marketing or networking or communication tactic.
• 26:59
  Your favorite one.
• 27:02
  Yeah.
• 27:03
  Yeah.
• 27:04
  I think that's great.
• 27:05
  So, you're talking to somebody, they give you an answer and in order to make sure you
• 27:10
  understand what they're saying, I paraphrase back to people.
• 27:14
  Active listening is gold today.
• 27:16
  Like if you want to perhaps study anything, one thing that's going to improve your communication
• 27:20
  study active listening.
• 27:22
  So you're paraphrasing back to them.
• 27:24
  You're asking this is what I heard you say is that correct.
• 27:27
  And that allows them to one, know you heard them and two allows that if they're an external
• 27:31
  processor like me, they might say, that's not what I meant to say at all.
• 27:35
  What I meant to say is this and now we're getting into the root of the problem.
• 27:40
  And so in order to do that, we have to ask open ended questions.
• 27:44
  One of my favorite open ended question is why, but why is one of those double edged
• 27:49
  swords because it can make people feel defensive.
• 27:52
  When you look at somebody and say, why did you say that they will automatically get their
• 27:56
  guard up because they feel like they have to defend themselves.
• 28:00
  And so what I do is I tell people something like, I like that answer.
• 28:05
  Tell me how you got there.
• 28:07
  Why did you share that at this time?
• 28:09
  Like validate the answer, make it okay for them to share.
• 28:13
  Because when I say, I really like that answer, I've never heard that answer before.
• 28:17
  It makes them feel unique and special.
• 28:19
  And now they're more willing to say, this is why I got there because in my past, this
• 28:25
  has been an issue for me and now it's not.
• 28:28
  And this is why I said what I said.
• 28:30
  So it validates their, their opinion because it's valid.
• 28:35
  And then it allows them to push deeper into the why question because the longer you can
• 28:40
  keep somebody talking, the more likely you can solve their problem.
• 28:45
  Now today, when I tell executives that they push back, they're like, I don't have the
• 28:49
  time to have these type of conversations.
• 28:52
  Okay.
• 28:53
  Then make time in your future calendar for these problems to reoccur.
• 28:59
  You could either make a little bit of time today or you could make time next week and
• 29:03
  the week after and the week after because you didn't address it today.
• 29:07
  Right?
• 29:08
  Take the time, ask the questions, push for the higher level thinking stuff.
• 29:12
  Tell me why you said that.
• 29:13
  I like that answer.
• 29:14
  Tell me why.
• 29:16
  Ask open ended questions to get to the root of the problem today.
• 29:19
  And the chances of you having to solve that problem with this person again are almost zero.
• 29:24
  It's great.
• 29:26
  All right.
• 29:27
  Scott, last question.
• 29:28
  Yeah.
• 29:29
  Give me one takeaway that my audience can use today or tomorrow.
• 29:36
  One takeaway.
• 29:39
  One takeaway is find a way to surprise and delight.
• 29:43
  We talked about this before we came on.
• 29:44
  I don't care to share this story.
• 29:46
  I met a guy at a wedding that I went to a friend of mine.
• 29:48
  She was getting married actually a mastermind client of mine was getting married and I came
• 29:52
  to the wedding two and a half hours from my house.
• 29:54
  My wife went with me and we didn't know anybody, but I've never met a stranger.
• 29:58
  So like I'm excited for this event.
• 30:00
  My wife is more introverted than I am.
• 30:02
  And so she can function in extroverted world, but it takes a lot of energy.
• 30:06
  It gives me energy.
• 30:07
  So we sit down at this table not knowing anybody.
• 30:09
  I talk to the guy next to me.
• 30:11
  He's drinking a bourbon like I am.
• 30:12
  I'm from Kentucky.
• 30:13
  I have to ask about that.
• 30:14
  It's state law.
• 30:16
  And so, you know, we talked about bourbon for 20 minutes.
• 30:18
  We talked about business for an hour.
• 30:20
  It was an incredible conversation from a guy I never met before.
• 30:23
  A week later when I get home, a week later on my porch is a package from this guy who
• 30:28
  I've never met.
• 30:29
  And I open it up and it's a $50 bottle of bourbon with a note in it that says, during
• 30:34
  our conversation, you mentioned you wanted to try this type of bourbon.
• 30:38
  I had a couple of bottles.
• 30:39
  This one's on me.
• 30:40
  Enjoy.
• 30:42
  And I told my wife, I said, that's such a baller move because it was something very
• 30:46
  personal, very specific in our conversation that he picked up on, made a note of, went
• 30:52
  to the bride, got my home address and sent me a bottle of bourbon, which is illegal,
• 30:57
  by the way, but people do it all the time, right?
• 30:59
  It's olive oil.
• 31:00
  He shipped me olive oil, I should say, for the FBI people listening.
• 31:03
  The postmasters.
• 31:04
  They just ship it through the post office.
• 31:06
  Anywho, it made me realize there's so much I can do in these conversations with people
• 31:10
  to plus the experience.
• 31:13
  To after we talk, instead of sending them an email, send them something that we talked
• 31:17
  about.
• 31:18
  Even if that's something as simple as a box of bourbon chocolates because I'm from Kentucky
• 31:22
  and that's something they'll remember from me.
• 31:24
  And that cost me six bucks to send that to them.
• 31:28
  And I'm like, that's just something that if this guy asked me to come and speak at his
• 31:32
  organization today, you better believe I'm going to do everything I can to get there.
• 31:36
  And it's not about the $50 bottle of bourbon.
• 31:39
  It's about the fact that we talked about this particular kind within an hour and a half
• 31:44
  conversation.
• 31:46
  He made a mental note when out of his way to ship me something.
• 31:50
  To me, that's next level networking right there.
• 31:53
  And I've never experienced anything like it.
• 31:55
  And it's my new standard.
• 31:57
  Absolutely.
• 31:58
  Fantastic.
• 31:59
  Scott, if somebody wants to get hold of you, whether they wanted your services, they wanted
• 32:05
  to consult with you or just talk to you, how would they do it?
• 32:10
  So they can go to my website, speakingofharvey.com, or they can email me directly.
• 32:15
  It's just scott at speakingofharvey.com.
• 32:17
  And I reply back personally to all of my emails.
• 32:20
  I have an assistant that helps with some other things, but you email me, you get me.
• 32:24
  And you can ask questions.
• 32:26
  We can talk about, we can set up a free consultation call to see what I can do for you or your
• 32:30
  organization.
• 32:32
  And if at the end of that call, it doesn't make sense.
• 32:34
  We're still friends and I have a new network somewhere.
• 32:37
  That's fantastic.
• 32:38
  Scott, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today.
• 32:43
  Thank you for having me.
• 32:44
  Well, that's a wrap, folks.
• 32:47
  A huge thank you to our special guests for sharing such incredible insights today.
• 32:53
  And of course, a big shout out to you, our amazing listeners for tuning in and spending
• 32:59
  your time with us.
• 33:00
  Remember, networking isn't about being perfect.
• 33:04
  It's about being present.
• 33:06
  So take what you've learned today, get out there, and make some meaningful connections.
• 33:11
  If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review and share
• 33:16
  it with someone who could use a little networking inspiration.
• 33:20
  Let's keep the conversation going.
• 33:23
  You can find me on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or my website, MichaelAForman.com.
• 33:29
  Remember, until next time, keep practicing, keep connecting, and keep building those relationships.
• 33:37
  This is Michael A. Foreman, signing off, take care, and happy networking.
• 33:42
  Last.
• 33:43
  Day.