Latest / Sober Readings / A Turning Point
Transcript
- Scott Hayes: Welcome to Sober Readings, everyone. Today is Saturday, the 11th of July. Happy birthday to my brother and my sister. My name is Scott, I'm your host, and let's begin today's episode with the Serenity Prayer. God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Today's reading from Daily Reflections, a turning point. A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted rather than as something we must have. That's a line from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page seventy-five. Either the AA way of life becomes one of joy, or I return to the darkness and despair of alcoholism. Joy comes to me when my attitude concerning God and humility turns to one of desire rather than of burden. The darkness in my life changes to radiant light when I arrive at the realization that being truthful and honest in dealing with my inventory results in my life being filled with serenity, freedom, and joy. Trust in my higher power deepens, and the flush of gratitude spreads through my being. I am convinced that being humble is being truthful and honest and dealing with myself and God. It is then that humility is something I really want, rather than being something I must have. Today's reading from 24 hours. AA Thought for the Day. We in Alcoholics Anonymous do not try to charter the path for the human soul or try to lay out a blueprint of the working of faith as one might plan a charity drive. We do tell the newcomer that we have renewed our faith in a higher power. In the telling, our faith is further renewed. We believe that faith is always close at hand, waiting for those who will listen to the heartbeat of the Spirit. We believe there is a force for good in the universe and that if we link up with this force, we are carried onward to a new life. Am I in this stream of goodness? The meditation for the day. God will protect you from the forces of evil if you will rely on him. You can face all things through the power of God which strengthens you. Once God has set on you his stamp and seal of ownership, all his strength will serve and protect you. Remember that you are a child of the Father. Realize that the Father's help is always ready and available to all his children, so that they can face anything. God will do all that is necessary for your spiritual well being if you will let him live his way. And today's prayer for the day. I pray that I may rely on God as I go through this day. I pray that I may feel deeply secure no matter what happens to me. Today's meditation from Touchstone. In playing and perhaps only in playing, the child or adult is free to be creative. That's a quote from D Winnicott. There are so many activities called play that have not really been playful. Organized sports for youth that consumed some of us are called play. The partying, which was connected with some of our addictions, is called play. Reckless and dangerous driving is called play. In recovery, some of us become intensely focused on doing what's right, and we need a deeper understanding to take the spiritual leap into creative play. This leap takes a willingness to let go. Maybe we remember hurtful things happening when our guard was down. Creative play involves trusting that every activity doesn't need a worthy goal, doesn't need to be planned out. Pleasure, humor, lightness, and aimless passing of time are forms of openness to the Spirit of God. It is experimenting, exploring, setting aside our ordered and planned approach to most of life. And accepting that what comes out will be alright. God, help me see the possibilities for play in the moments of this day. And for today's final reading, I'm gonna read a short story from Forming True Partnerships How AA members use the program to improve relationships. And this is an AA Grapevine publication. So we're going to chapter three, which is Dating and Romance. And this one is titled Prime Dating Material with a question mark. And it was written in February of two thousand and eight. When I got sober, one of the first things I heard in AA was that I had stopped maturing when I started drinking. If this was true, I was a 15-year-old in a 37-year-old body, and it meant that, along with other difficulties of new sobriety, I had to experience being a teenager again, but this time without alcohol. I started drinking in order to set myself at ease socially, first at high school dances, then at parties, then at bars and nightclubs. And finally at home, alone. I probably never had a relationship with a girl that didn't start and end with booze and drugs. Sober sex was not on my agenda. I spent the next 22 years as a wannabe musician, paying my bills by way of illegal business ventures. I never dated. I either had toxic relationships or cruise the night spots like a predator, looking for the combination of the perfect high. And that stunning, successful, articulate woman who was going to change my world. My standards inevitably got lower as the evening got closer to last call. So when I finally got to Alcoholics Anonymous, completely wrecked, broke, scared, in trouble with the law, unemployable, and alone, I didn't have much faith in a shining future. The party was over, and I didn't have a clue how to live a regular life. I wound up living at my parents' house. I got a crummy job, a nice little two hundred dollar newcomers car, and I went to meetings. My teeth were bad and soon my clothes didn't fit. I carried 30 pounds of AA cookies and donuts around my waist. Boy was I ever prime dating material. At one year sober, I got involved in what I now affectionately call Big Book Boot Camp in a church in Ocean Park, California. We were on fire, sharing about doing the work, writing massive inventories. And learning to carry the message. Meanwhile, I had dabbed a bit in sober dating. I was shy, awkward, and not very interested in anyone who would have me. Then it happened. I found her. I was delirious, totally in over my head, and ready to move in with her at the drop of a hat. After two dates and two weeks, she told me that she was back with her boyfriend. I was crushed. Didn't she know what she was missing? How could she have led me on this way? What did he have that I didn't have? Besides a real job and a high-end sports car. Fortunately, people in AA con consoled me and consistently redirected my attention to my primary purpose. They told me that romance would happen in God's time, not necessarily in my time. They told me that I couldn't expect to be made whole by another person, that the steps and the spiritual awakening would resolve my problems. I listened to them and surrendered my desire to be in a relationship. I launched into steps with renewed vigor and felt a new freedom, as I was no longer on the prowl when I went to the meetings. A few months went by. One night I was at a local speaker meeting, minding my own business and joining the group with no other expectation than to be present for an evening of sobriety. When the meeting ended, I joined the line to thank the speaker, as I had been taught. A woman I hadn't seen before was in line in front of me. She was tall, attractive, and well dressed. After she thanked the speaker, she hung around and we wound up introducing ourselves. I didn't plan this, but after exchanging names, I found myself asking, Do you work the steps? Now there's a lame pickup line if I ever heard one. But she cheerfully answered, Yes. We went for coffee soon after, then met at some other local meetings, and finally went on a date. I spent way more than I could afford, but we laughed and joked and had such a good time together that it was worth it. Over the next few weeks I had to compete with a few others who were interested in her. She was new in town. Once again I experienced discomfort, but what she did was none of my business, so I kept my mouth shut. Meanwhile, I brought her to my big book meeting in Ocean Park and she committed to retaking the steps at three years sober. Thank God my sponsor in that group cared enough about me to make sure I didn't skip the sex inventory. After answering the questions in the middle of page sixty nine, where had I been selfish and dishonest? Where was I at fault, etc, I asked myself, what should I have done instead? The answers were the opposite of what I had typically done. Where I had been dishonest, tell the truth. Where I had been selfish, be giving. Where I had been inconsiderate, be thoughtful. From this I was able to mold an ideal, as the book says. It was helpful to write it out in a couple of paragraphs. This provided me with a template for future conduct that I could always refer to and ask for the power to live up to. I am grateful that the opportunity to contribute on this theme came up in Grapevine. Whenever I speak in front of large groups telling my AA story, I've been forced to stop each time I reach the part about meeting the woman in line to thank the speaker. I become overwhelmed with gratitude. I have to wave my hands around and hold back tears until I'm able to use my voice again. It's nineteen years later we're married and have two beautiful children who have never seen us drink or use abusive language toward each other. I have been miraculously relieved of my old behaviors and attitudes regarding relationships with women. And have been truly blessed to have experienced the closeness, finally, that I had always searched for. That was written by Dan H in Oceanside, California. And that story is such a great reminder to me that God has a plan for my life. And as long as I don't try to force my will on everything, things tend to work out pretty good. And so that's it for today's episode of Sober Readings. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, do me a big favor and hit that like button and also the subscribe button so you don't miss the next episode. Also, if you'd like to be a guest reader on the show, I'd love to have you. Just send me an email at soberreadingswithscmail.com. Or there's another way to get a hold of me, and that is to go to my website, soberreadings.com, and fill out that short form. And while you're there at the website, if you'd like to drop a dollar in the virtual donation basket, just click the donate button. So again, thank you so much for listening. Stay sober, keep reading, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other, and remember just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day, and as my friend Larry says, best day ever.