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Why you ended up with a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  What is going on beautiful people.
• 0:02
  What was another episode of the narcissist code?
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  I'm your favorite self aware narcissist.
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  Mr. Lee Hammock better known as mental illness across all social
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  media platforms. This is the first time I see in
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  my face. I hear my voice.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and it is my platform
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  on social media to raise awareness for NPD get more
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  people into therapy and also validate the victims survivors
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  and thrivers of state disorder. Said toxic people said toxic
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  traits. Today's episode we're going to
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  be answering the question why did I end up with a narcissist?
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  How did I end up with a narcissist?
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  How do I end up with multiple narcissists?
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  Why do I keep picking these toxic people?
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  Why? Why?
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  Why? Why?
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  Why So not Why I not not I not I personally have I been with been
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  with narcissistic women. Yes.
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  But this episode is about yo, why do you you, not me.
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  This is the question you ask yourself.
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  Why did I end up with a narcissist?
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  So yeah y'all. So if y'all don't know who Matt
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  Pfeiffer is. Matt Pfeiffer Coaching is a
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  content creator on YouTube. TikTok Facebook.
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  I'm gonna tag, I'm gonna put his his ad in the caption or
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  whatnot. But he said something
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  transformative. I'm I'm gonna play what he said
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  on TikTok and I'm gonna just go into it real quick.
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  He said this right here. We're attracted and attached to
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  people who recreate the emotional experiences that we
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  had as children. We are attracted to and attached
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  to people who recreate the emotional experiences we had as
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  children. We are attracted to and attached
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  to the people who recreate the emotional experiences we did we
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  had as children. And there's Matt, there's Matt
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  right there. Y'all like you said, goodness
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  gracious. They were so powerful.
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  Y'all because think about it, he.
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  He also said that there is a common misconception that men
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  end up with women like their mothers and women end up with
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  men like their fathers. What if the father isn't around?
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  What if the mother isn't around? What if they're absent Parent.
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  You see what I'm saying? How do you end up with somebody
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  like your father if you don't know who your father is?
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  How do you end up with somebody like your mother if you don't
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  know who your mother is? You see, you see those dynamics
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  right there. You are attracted to or attached
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  to people who recreate the emotional experiences as you, as
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  you get, as your parent did, as your caretaker did.
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  Not necessarily. Your parent, your caretaker with
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  both parents on the round, your grandma and grandpa, your
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  aunties and uncles, your foster parents, whoever that whoever
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  that parental figure is. So you could end up a man could
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  end up with somebody that reminds them of their father.
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  You see what I'm saying? A woman could end up with
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  somebody who reminds them of their mother.
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  It's the emotional experiences that you are attached to.
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  It's the emotional experiences that you are attracted to.
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  You see what I'm saying? The parent who did this or the
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  parent who raised you or do you that you were mostly mostly
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  around. If they were toxic, you might be
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  attracted to toxic. A little toxicity.
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  You see what I'm saying? You know, that's where emotional
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  maturity plays a big role in this.
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  Emotional intelligence plays a huge role in your dating life or
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  it should play a huge role in your dating life.
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  Because if you have a, if you had a toxic, manipulative parent
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  that you are always seeking gratification from, that you're
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  trying to get validation from and you didn't get that, you
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  might like, say you never got that.
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  You might be searching it out as an adult and your partner in
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  your relationship partners. So if you had a mother, if
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  you're a woman. If you're a man, you had a
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  mother that you could never make happy no matter what you did you
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  make no, but you have like you could never make her happy.
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  You two would never validate you.
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  She would never be there for you.
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  And she like there was nothing you could do.
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  There was nothing. Nothing was ever good enough for
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  this person. You might attract that in a like
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  I say in a in a woman or a man. And then partner, who have you
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  attracted to? Like I said, we're all we're all
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  inclusive over here. Whoever you are attracted to,
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  that's who you as long as they like.
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  Say, if they remind you of your toxic parent or your emotional
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  experiences as a child, you might be attracted to that
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  person. You might be attached to that
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  person. You said you might be drawn to
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  that toxic person if they remind you.
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  You hear people say this all the time.
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  Y'all, why did you stay in this toxic relationship when once you
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  knew it was toxic? Why can nobody shake you loose?
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  Why can nobody grab you by the shoulders and shake you?
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  And just like, what the hell are you doing here?
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  You know why? Why can't people tell you this?
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  Why can't people do this? Why can't people do that?
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  Why? You see what I'm saying?
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  There's a very unique space and a very unique dynamic.
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  It plays a huge role in that, in the, in that right there.
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  Why? You know, And because it feels
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  like home. That's what people say.
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  It feels like home. It felt like home.
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  It continues to feel like home. This reminds me of my this
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  reminds me of my childhood home. No matter how toxic it gets, it
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  still reminds me of my childhood upbringing.
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  It reminds me of my upbringing. But you know, my mom used to do
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  this. My dad used to do, My dad used
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  to do this. My grandma, my grandpa, my aunt,
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  my uncle, my caretaker, whoever there is used to treat me like
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  this. So it's hard to break that bond.
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  So in in turn, if you could not make your mom happy, you might
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  be trying to make your husband happy.
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  You might, you might just exhaust yourself, exhaust
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  yourself trying to make your husband happy, trying to make
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  your wife happy. Whoever it is trying to, You're
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  trying to get favourability or some type of appreciation or
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  validation from your job. You know, you have to, yeah.
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  This is something you have to unpack it with a therapist to
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  understand, to heal some of these emotional wounds, that
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  lack of validation and lack of love that you might have
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  received as a child. A lot of times.
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  Y'all you're Yeah, this is not just for narcissist.
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  A lot of people's inner child is living vicariously through their
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  adult version, the inner, the inner child version of you.
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  They never got this. They never got set up.
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  They never got appreciated by a parent.
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  They never got, you know, just the parent never smiled at you.
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  They never hugged you, never cared for you, but never care
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  for you. Well, some of them didn't care.
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  Never told you, never told you that they loved you, never
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  validated your emotional experience, never did anything
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  good for you. Your inner child could be
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  seeking it out and trying to get that approval from your partner.
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  Now you have to, in order to heal the adult, you have to heal
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  the inner child. Y'all you have to If you're not
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  willing to deal with your inner child, you're going to keep
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  getting in toxic relationships. You're going to keep choosing
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  toxic relationships over healthy ones, even if a healthy
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  alternative is presented to you like them.
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  This is a healthy person. This person is emotionally
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  mature. They're emotionally intelligent.
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  They're emotionally intelligent. They're, you know, they're here
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  for me. They're there for me.
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  They're doing all this good stuff for me.
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  They love me. They care about me.
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  They're they're they are just objectly here, you know?
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  But then somebody, a toxic person, comes around and treats
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  you horribly. You go to the toxic person.
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  If this happens, y'all you see what I'm saying?
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  It happens so much. And that's why you hear so many
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  people. Just like, how did you end up
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  with that? Like you left that for that you
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  left them for them. What do you do?
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  What do you have going on? You can't explain it.
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  You can't explain the feeling. It just feels like home.
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  I don't know what I'm doing. You you get super frustrated.
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  Your adult version is super frustrating and so is your inner
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  child version. They're like it is just a it's
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  just a huge imbalance in your mental and physical health.
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  A lot of times in these spaces it does become that y'all.
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  It does absolutely become that it.
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  It is very uniquely just, you know, it's not toxic, but the
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  relationship is toxic. But it becomes very difficult to
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  get out of these relationships until you deal and deal with
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  what you had going on as a child.
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  And I know therapy isn't always an option for everybody, but
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  inner child work is possible. You can Google it.
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  Inner child work, inner child worksheets, you know what I'm
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  saying? Things to help you with.
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  There's a lot of free resources on Google.
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  Y'all there, there are. You know, they are they.
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  Are they going to be as good as in person therapy?
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  No, maybe not. But I say anything is better
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  than nothing sometimes. A lot of times, you know, a lot
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  of times something is better than nothing.
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  The reason, the reason I say a lot of times is not all the
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  time, because if you're doing the wrong thing, you can lead
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  you down the wrong path. You know what I mean?
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  If you're a grown person doing coloring books, you know, trying
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  to heal your inner child, you know what I'm saying?
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  I'm like, that might have been a bad example right there.
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  It probably was a bad example. If your inner child needs to
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  color a scary picture, color it in a damn picture.
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  You don't mean no. Ignore me on that part right
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  there. Ignore Lee on that part right
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  there. You'll lead on the hills.
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  I've been coloring. I had a coloring book for years.
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  You know what I mean? I had a coloring book for years.
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  Lee, you're wrong on that one. Lee, How dare you?
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  You know what I'm saying? A lot of people say that right
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  there in that space. So if I tell people, what if
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  once you are, if you're dealing with a narcissist, you're trying
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  to heal from this person. You're trying to get away from
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  this person. You might have to deal with your
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  inner childhood wounds before you can release this person.
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  You might have, even if your parent is not around anymore, or
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  your grandparent, or whoever raised you a caretaker, if
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  they're not around anymore, you still need to heal that wound,
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  you know. Or you might keep going back to
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  this toxic ass person that is treating you horribly.
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  That is a very that is a very that is a that is a distinct
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  possibility that they will, that this will continue to happen
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  over and over and over again. Because again, they'll ask
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  yourself, why would it stop? Why would it get better?
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  Why? And this is not me trying to be
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  mean y'all. Why would it get better, the
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  toxicity you like. I'm going to throw some more
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  love into this. I'm going to throw some more
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  character this. I'm going to throw some more
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  affection into this. And it very rarely ever works
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  out of your position. Y'all.
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  It just very rarely does, you know, very rarely does this work
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  out for anybody. That's why I want to help so
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  many people heal and grow that it is insane, like, but you have
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  to heal and grow. You have to heal the inner child
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  so he can turn into an inner adult.
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  So you can be, you can coalesce and you can live.
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  You can live a better life because as long as you're going
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  to keep picking the toxic people until you heal those wounds.
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  There's people I talk to all the time and I'm doing my Zoom, my
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  101's, my group coach and stuff that they keep this.
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  They're not. They don't just have one toxic
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  relationship, they have multiple.
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  And that's so defeating because the thing about it's not, it's
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  not getting into a tax relationship all the time, It's
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  staying in it. That becomes a huge issue
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  because so many people stay in them when they know it's not
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  right for them. They stay inside of the
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  toxicity, even though even though they know they need to
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  get out of it, you know they stay within it.
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  And that hurts a lot of people and a lot of people.
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  Like I said, it hurts a lot of people and it it makes a lot of
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  people waste a lot of time, waste a lot of big could we
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  could waste a big chunk of your time when you know you should
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  leave. But something is in you fighting
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  to stay because it feels safe. It feels like home, even though
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  it's not safe, even though it's not home.
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  It feels like it's always feelings, you know, it's always
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  the feelings, but you have to heal that.
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  Y'all. And so I'm going to cut this
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  thing short. Y'all because I have to hop on a
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  one-on-one here in a second. Shout out to Matt Pfeiffer
• 10:53
  coaching. I'm going to put his tag in the
• 10:54
  in the description so y'all can check him out on all platforms
• 10:57
  or whatnot. Make sure y'all subscribe to me
• 10:59
  if you haven't. Why are you watching this far?
• 11:00
  If you're not subscribe, you know, just come on let's help
• 11:02
  all people. Anyway y'all like and subscribe
• 11:04
  for more Mental illness is out please.
• 11:07
  Thanks for making me to the end of my video.
• 11:08
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• 11:10
  out joining the channel memberships for behind the
• 11:12
  scenes perks, priority responses to the comments and a few other
• 11:15
  things. Link in the description every
• 11:17
  single video I do. Thank you so much.