Latest / Mostly Together / Colette Baron-Reid: You're Not Out of Time

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Colette Baron-Reid: You're Not Out of Time · Mostly Together

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What I love about your podcast is what you call it.
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You're like, we're mostly together.
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And what we talk about here, some of it might be shit.
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I mean, my guest today is Colette Baron Reid.
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She's a bestselling author, oracle expert, spiritual teacher,
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artist and musician whose life has been shaped by recovery,
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reinvention and learning to trust the path.
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She never planned for.
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We are always changing.
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We're always growing.
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There's no such thing as perfection.
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Thank you again so much.
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I really appreciate it.
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And I'm so excited because I felt I did feel this draw to message you to come on.
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And it's so funny.
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As you know, I'm looking more
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into what you're going through right now with, you know, releasing your album.
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Congratulations. It's beautiful.
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Yeah. Thank you.
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It's like this reinvention.
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It feels like you're kind of going through returning back to music.
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And the whole reason why I started this podcast is about,
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you know, kind of realigning and I call it
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like, returning home to myself, like really seeing that.
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Yeah, that's exactly what I did.
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And that's exactly why we're here.
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I love it, it's exactly what I'm doing and exactly something for us to talk about
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in common. Yes, absolutely.
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It's funny how there are those parts of us that lay dormant for so long.
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And then I look back in my personal experience going, well,
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I guess that wasn't the right time to do that.
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And then the universe sometimes hands you something unexpectedly,
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and then it's like, all right, we're ready to rock.
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Let's do this. Now is the time.
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Did you feel like that, too?
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So here's what I love about best conversation.
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So if you had told me in my 20s that I would be 68 years old
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when I released the best music of my career, I would have shot myself.
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I would be like, no.
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So, yeah, you know, there's so much was my first oracle.
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Most people know me as a person who I've created 19 Oracle decks.
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I was at one time.
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I was the number one Oracle creator.
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And so most people know me for the intuitive work.
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I just did a, you know, event for mediumship, right?
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I had a TV show as a medium.
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So a lot of people don't know my history, but music was
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the only thing I ever wanted to do since I was a little kid.
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I music was my first oracle.
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It's the it's the thing that made me felt, seen and witnessed.
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And though in those days there was no streaming.
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I mean, we also didn't have cell phones.
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I mean, I was born in 1958, so you got to figure, you know,
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I was, you know, the 70s music was what I that's why I mean, my music
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is very reminiscent of the 60s and 70s because that's my, my heart music.
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But, you know,
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we would sit in the basement with our friends and, and where we were
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too awkward to talk about the things that were deep and meaningful.
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We could when we had a song that we felt in common that we shared.
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Yeah. For me, it's this.
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Oh, for me, it's that.
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And so music was my North Star.
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It was everything I wanted.
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My parents wanted me to be a lawyer.
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And then, of course,
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I have this other weirdo gift that that was like, oh, what is that?
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You know, and that was and, you know, that was for.
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No, that was not happening.
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So I pursued music very interestingly enough, with a lot of attachment.
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And I did every year.
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And so I've been I should mention this to this is really important
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because I've been sober now 40 years and seven months. Wow.
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So when I got Stover, because I had a I had a problem with drugs and alcohol
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in my late teens.
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Well, actually most of my life since I was 12.
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But when I hit bottom after a series of very traumatic events
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which led me to, I think really led me to the hard
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core addiction, but I was very lucky I got a second chance.
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I ended up in a 12 step program and went back to music
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because music again, I was clean and sober and I wanted the same.
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I wanted to give other people the same experience that I had
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listening to, you know, the people I listened to.
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So that's when I, you know, I started doing all these vision boards
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because I had been introduced to that after I got sober, because people know me.
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Also because I do a vision board challenge.
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I have 60,000 people every year, you know, that come to this thing.
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So, you know, I was doing it all the way.
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I teach people not to now, which was with great attachment
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and great fixation and and of course, everything failed.
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But it didn't because I changed.
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I had to go through life. I had life experiences.
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And, you know, hindsight again is is the 2020 looking backwards, going, wow.
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Yeah.
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You know, I had to learn that I when I surrendered
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and said, guy will be done through me, thy will be done.
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Because I really devoted myself to spiritual path.
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Then and still I'm on the same one, still same one.
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But and then PS I want a record deal.
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But what I got instead
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was the opportunity to do readings, which was so easy for me.
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And I'm like, okay, well, I don't really do this.
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I'm really a singer.
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Don't come back next year.
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I told people that for six years
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and my career, and I was like, oh, this is a career to be career.
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It's just something I do to make money while I'm waiting for that record deal.
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Right. So that was weird.
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I had given everything up.
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And then of course, in giving it all up, it came to me.
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So instead I thought, oh, forget music, it's not going to happen.
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Every record deal I almost signed fell through.
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Whatever.
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So I just like, screw it, I'm not doing this anymore.
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So I instead recorded a new age album.
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At the time, there wasn't any 24 track, actually was 48
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track with Mars Lazar, who was a platinum selling new age artist.
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And we did Journey Through the Chakras,
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and it went to number one in Canada and became like a thing.
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And and the head of Virgin Records
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heard it and was using it and as a meditation tool.
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And the weirdest series of synchronicities brought me to EMI music
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that then offered me a record deal when I gave everything up.
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And I'm like going, really?
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But as soon as they found out how old I was, like, the potential manager
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dumped me and, you know, like, oh, you're what?
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And like, they thought it was 27 or 28.
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And then I said, well, I'm actually 40 then.
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That was funny because the first day an R guy loved me, the second guy
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that came in basically told me to my face, there is no career for you.
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You're too old.
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So like, we're wasting our money on you.
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I would have never signed you because I came in through the presidents.
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Yeah. Oh yeah, that was that. But that was then.
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So this is when you're 40 and it's it's so ironic because now
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it seems like this is around the age that everyone things get a little shook up.
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Now, you know what I mean.
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Shake it up.
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And people are doing those huge career and life pivots
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and things are coming to them going,
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why did I just waste all this time of my life, you know, doing the 9 to 5
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or following the blueprint that, you know, I thought I was supposed to do?
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And I feel like, you know, because I'm almost 40.
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So you're speaking to me right now, like where you're at, you know,
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where you drop everything, and then that's when things really start to come.
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You're like, whoa, what's happening on right?
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And that came right.
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Just like your podcast, just like all the new things that you're doing right now.
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Right.
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And you're speaking to women, but the women you're speaking to
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are also my age because there is no expiry date on us.
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Somebody slapped that on our heads. Right.
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And but back then the music industry was very different.
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So I.
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And it's not like I went to do something that was not mine,
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like, hey, house came calling and I went,
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and I've had the most extraordinary life I have.
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I have nothing but good things to say about the
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and I've had obviously I've had some pain,
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I made mistakes, I've done these things, but I've had a life that is hard.
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I work hard, though.
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I mean, I've worked very hard.
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I create things, but I was given here as a path in the universe went,
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hey, you got to choose, like we're giving you this.
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And I never did anything to pursue the intuitive path, ever.
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I never even get it a business card.
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It was like, I don't really do this.
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So when the music came and then I experienced that, I'm like,
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but the one thing I did leave with, because I my first album I did
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with Tori Amos, producer Eric Ross, who,
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you know, was known for her work early on with her first two albums
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and then went on to work with Chris Isaac and some really big, big names.
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But Eric did my first album with me
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and we stayed really close friends and I just went, okay, fine.
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I knew I would drink if I stayed in the business.
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Also, I wasn't mature enough at the time
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to understand that the art was my priority,
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that the creative creativity was a gift from the universe or from God.
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You know, use whatever language
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you want the goddess, the the creator of the universe, you know?
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And I got caught in the business of music, which is you have to write a hit,
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you have to do something for this marketplace, and I can't, and I couldn't.
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So here's the rift, which was so interesting.
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So I then have gone on, as you know, to and to work with people, my, my, my,
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my best people that I work with are people in transition, women in transition.
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All the work that I've done with Oracle School
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and the intuitive, you know, coach certification,
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all the things that I created is about the question,
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who who do I need to become to have the life that I say I want?
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And so of course, I have to do this work too.
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And I started getting antsy about music again.
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And I'm like, I need to express myself.
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And and also because I think the world I am a very how to put this.
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I don't pander to polarization.
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I don't pander to that.
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I don't pander to controversy.
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I'm not interested in it.
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I don't use my platform,
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which is not that big to espouse anything.
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Like my rooms are filled with people who vote differently.
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But so I say like, hang that at the door.
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We never talk about that in here.
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What we want to talk about, what do we have in common?
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And I'm telling you, amazing social experiment because everybody
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kind of finds that they want the same thing I love that.
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No, I love that we should do that for everything.
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Right.
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And find out where is our humanity in all of this?
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Right. Where is our humanity?
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So but again, I stay out of the whole politics.
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But my point is that I am not vocal
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about a lot of the things that personally really impact me.
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And I got to a place where I needed to say something and I could.
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And but words are fail me because we live in this digitized, quick,
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quick soundbite universe and a soundbite is not going to express
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all the feelings I have about the things.
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So the only way I can do that is through music.
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Or you're creating oracles.
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And I took a break from oracle creation for a couple of years,
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so I knew that the only way I could express this part of me
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is through music, because I find that the lyric of a song is
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is not just the song, it's the tension between the notes and I.
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It's the it's it's what it's the evocative quality of what's between the lines.
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Right?
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Not necessarily what's just spoken in words.
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And so that's why oracles were so great for me to write.
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Because and to create because it's like songwriting,
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you know, you have to kind of go, how does it impact me?
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Where does this land in my body?
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So yeah, so at six, so at 68 years old,
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I went and recorded this album in eight days.
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I recorded a ten song album.
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I actually have 11 songs now. Wow.
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And my friend Troy Carter, who I will, he says I can use his name.
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Who was Lady Gaga's manager?
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He managed John Legend and Charlie Puth and all these people.
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Anyway, I called him up, I sent him the music and then I wanted to throw up.
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Then I'm like, what have I done?
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Oh my, he's going to tell me, what, are you crazy?
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You're a 68 year old. I'm doing this.
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And the next day you said to me,
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this is really good, you really need to go do this, you know?
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And then it turned out he's like,
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he changed his whole career to help independent artists now.
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So that was kind of interesting, too.
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I'm like, you know, he loves you should be taking.
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And he goes, this is really good. I said, you don't think I'm too old?
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He goes, no, everybody's listening to this kind of music now.
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And they're listening to older artists.
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And what happened back then, 22 years ago, was the last time I did a music project.
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That's not now, right? Doesn't apply.
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Wow. I
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have chills with you saying that because you know
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the fact, like, again, the synchronicity, the timing, right, of everything.
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You know, even how he's working with independent artists
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now, and also the fact that you had that visceral reaction,
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like you wanted to be sick after I take that whenever I am so fearful
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about something, that's always my sign, like I'm I'm doing the right thing.
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Like, my favorite quote is if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough.
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So when I'm always like, complacent and not scared,
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that's when I'm like in my little content box
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and I don't want to color outside the lines.
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But when I'm scared and fearful, like I know that that's like
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when I need to go for it
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and you went for it and in eight days to me, can't even believe it.
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I worked with the brothers Corin,
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so we were part of the Transformational Leadership Council and we got
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we met
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each other on stage where we just, like we all got on stage to sing something
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and we happened to be near each other and we were like, we sound good together.
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Second, so they had a program called The Songwriters Journey
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and I, and it was really about reclaiming your artist.
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And I was really having a depression, but also too, because I had to break through.
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I had to be able.
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I kept asking myself, am I being really honest?
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And as soon as I got to Ojai, where the studio is, oh, beautiful.
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I could not
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for the life of me.
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I got there and I was blank.
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I was completely empty.
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And I got on my knees and I prayed and went, oh my God.
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And I bawled my eyes out.
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I said, I can't, I can't, I, and I can't access what we did.
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So I literally decided on the spot.
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We're not doing anything that we did.
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We're going to start from scratch. So I got there, tour guys.
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I said, okay, all this stuff, we did know we're coming.
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We're doing everything now. I got some ideas in the cab coming in.
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We're going to do this.
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Now I'm no I am no stranger to a recording studio.
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I'm no stranger to songwriting or writing.
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And they were amazing.
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We're like, okay, so we wrote right, Raise Your Eyes Up,
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which is really a hymn, and the raising your eyes up is not a God in heaven.
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It is really raising our eyes
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up to the better part of humanity that we could be better, you know,
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and not to be didactic, but there is there you will hear the pain in all my songs.
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You will hear it because it is about, you know,
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coming back to ourselves and looking at the world
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through the lens of honesty and like and, and
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and not trying to bypass anything the most healing experience.
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Anyway. So we did the four songs.
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Then I went home and I called them back and I said, I'm coming back to
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do the next four. And they were like, oh, right.
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So but they were like, well, we don't have anything
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prepared and went, no, we don't and we won't till I get there.
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Wow. So for days, four days, ten songs.
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And so the, the this was all done on the fly.
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So is this intuition coming in for you?
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Was this.
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Yeah.
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This is it was directing you how you were going to do this.
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And it seems like you went in and you had a plan,
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and then it went blank, and then you followed.
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The intuition followed spirit.
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I got to be honest. I followed what?
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And we all agree.
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We received the music. And it does feel like that.
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You don't you don't write the song.
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You channel it like it comes to you.
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Just like for me, it's like with Oracle cards I don't come up with.
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I don't generate it from my intellect.
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I tune into it and it comes to me.
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So we all, as the three of us, like me and Tori and Isaac,
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I wrote the melody and lyrics, although I will, I will say that Isaac
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came up with two really important lines and one and one on one and another song.
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So I give credit where credit is due, but the stuff wouldn't have been written
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if it wasn't for the three of us in a room.
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The frequencies of three of us doesn't matter who did what, we did it.
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And I've never sung like this. How so?
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What's the difference?
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I wasn't singing for an audience, you know.
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I was telling a story so I could hear that story, and I was.
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I was sharing, I was feeling it.
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I wasn't singing it.
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It was a very different experience for me.
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You'll hear some of that off key, some things too, but
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which we wanted to keep because I hate AI music that I will about.
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I'm very opinionated, but some of the stuff I.
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But I did feel like this was the most honest thing I've ever done.
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And it's not for everybody.
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It's not going to be for everybody.
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It's very distinctly reminiscent
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of 60s and 70s music.
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It's just it sounds very like kind of like if Tori Amos,
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a Joni Mitchell and I don't know,
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somebody else said another name of somebody had a baby, it would be me.
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I love that.
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They said of Kate Bush, Joni Mitchell
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and one other person, a Sarah Brightman, had a baby.
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Yeah.
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So I'm like, oh, that's so funny.
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But it is cost me a fortune to do.
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But I am so happy that, like I said to my husband,
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it was our 20th wedding anniversary.
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I said, can I spend this money on this album?
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So we didn't go to Europe on our for our 20th.
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It went to this instead we so our my wedding
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anniversary plans went to the album and I'm so glad.
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But that's okay.
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We have to fill our cup.
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You know, when we feel
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that there's something speaking to us really strongly, obviously, you know,
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and it's so awesome that you listen to that
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because I feel like there are so many people.
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We are handed these gifts.
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They're innate. I should say.
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The gifts are innate, but were handed these opportunities
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and these roads to take.
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And the big question is, are you going to take them?
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You know, because if you don't, well, life would look a lot different, right?
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So you're like choosing to take this route and, and you could like
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the I think the thing is, is
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that there's no guarantee or certainty that you're going to be successful.
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Like, I was successful, that I did it.
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And the fact that I did it at my age, because I really this part of my career
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really is about supporting people to move
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past their glass ceilings and take the expiry date off your face.
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Right.
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You know, especially women, postmenopausal women.
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Right? I know you're you're not there, right.
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But you're think of Perry.
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Change to like women in their 40s where you are right now
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and you're entering into this really important part of your life.
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That's called the midlife, right?
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4045 life.
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That's what's considered the midlife.
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And this is a time for you to get serious about
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who you want to be when you grow up.
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But then we are taught in our society,
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look at anti-aging, you know, get your facelift.
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I may I'm not saying I'm not going to ever have one.
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I might maybe when I'm 70, I don't know, right?
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I don't maybe not. I'm 68 and I look pretty good.
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Yeah you do. I was going to say
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not even the point.
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It's like we are taught that aging, we get discarded, we get invisible
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if we don't have the male gaze and we're not sexually attractive
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or whatever, then we're just thrown away or put in a our culture,
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a Western culture like North America, we throw them in a, you know.
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Throw them in the bin or like now you're retired.
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What is retired mean?
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Oh, you don't have you don't really get to do it.
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And that'll just be your hobby.
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And I'm like,
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no, I'm I want to show
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women you get to do this like and men to like.
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You are not out of state.
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Right.
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This is the productive rich and in your like your group to your your age
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group two.
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Same thing like it's learning because most of the time
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you're going to be an empty nester.
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Now, I don't know because women are having babies later.
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But like a lot of the times, your 40s is when,
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okay, the kids have gone to college, now you get your like ish, right?
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Maybe a bit.
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But it's like, well, what if you've spent your whole life
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only working for other people, looking after people now what about you?
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And it's a it can be a time of real crisis and it's destigmatize that whole aging.
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And I think that mindset that people subscribe to, or our parents
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or grandparents, great grandparents
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have subscribed to, it's like they've written their themselves off,
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you know what I mean?
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And they've just they're like, okay. Yeah.
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You know what? I'm noticing?
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We are so complicit with the so so you see, now I'm getting opinionated.
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It's like all of a sudden I'm like, I'm,
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I'm going to talk about.
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Right. Yeah.
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So it's not just about oracles.
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It's but it is because it's like you're your own oracle.
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You have your own wisdom inside you.
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Like we have agreed.
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We have acquiesce to a society that we have been conditioned
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to believe that there are certain rules, regulations, etc.
21:33
and, and women have the hardest.
21:35
And you know why women have the hardest
21:37
time to because women are trained to go after each other.
21:41
Women are trained to see that there is scarcity in the world.
21:46
I don't care what anybody says.
21:47
I see it online.
21:48
It's the women that go after the other women.
21:50
We need to we need to get together.
21:53
Yeah. You know, and port each other's rise.
21:56
You know, sometimes it's too successful.
21:59
While there must be something wrong. She must have took it from somebody else.
22:01
She must have done something. She must have, you know, like,
22:05
it's like it's because we are trained in scarcity.
22:08
It's not because we think, oh my God, there's not going to be enough for me.
22:12
There's not going to be enough.
22:14
You know, if they do that, then how did they do that? Right.
22:17
It's like they had to seek something.
22:19
And I think that has to go.
22:22
The comparison trap.
22:23
Yeah. There is room for every single one of us.
22:26
What I'm trying to say is, is that if you are called,
22:29
that means there's space for you to create that calling.
22:32
And. Right.
22:33
The universe is going to either say no, yes or not yet.
22:37
Right.
22:38
And you know, if you are wanting something
22:43
because you think it's going to be good
22:45
because you think it looks popular, likely that's empty,
22:50
not going to have much soul behind it, and you are not going to be fulfilled
22:54
if you are called to something and you're scared shitless about that
22:59
and you know, and you're like, oh, what if I do this and like, then what?
23:03
You know, and but you go do it anyway,
23:05
you're going to be fulfilled and we'll have more to give others.
23:09
So it's not just a self-centered choice.
23:12
It's not self selfish to do this.
23:15
When you feel more at peace with your own self,
23:19
you have more to offer other people.
23:21
You have more to give other people.
23:23
You aren't looking at scarcity because you're not.
23:24
You're fulfilled.
23:25
You're not looking at what you didn't get.
23:27
You're not looking at what you didn't do.
23:30
You're not angry that somebody else did it and you didn't do it.
23:34
It's different. Right? It's very, very different.
23:36
So how do you get around the comparison trap that you were speaking of?
23:40
Well, sometimes I do it, sometimes I do it and it feels really dirty and gross.
23:47
So and I do still work 12 step I still like I do, you know, surrender it to God.
23:53
I'll do a drawing.
23:54
You know, my art of manifesting will draw it out of me, and I'll feel
23:57
really sad for the little thank you for the little girl in me.
24:01
That belief not enough.
24:04
Oh, that's pretty powerful.
24:06
The little girl in you that believes that there's not enough. So,
24:10
like going back to when you were younger, believing that there's not enough.
24:14
And like, speaking to her, just knowing that that part of me is active.
24:19
Right.
24:19
So I was raised by a woman who was traumatized in World War two.
24:24
My both my parents came from after World War two.
24:26
Never told us about the war.
24:29
Not I didn't find out until I was in my mid 20s that my mother believed she.
24:33
Her father who came to rescue her in Berlin.
24:38
He was from France, he was from Paris and was picked up by SS officers at the door
24:43
and put in a concentration camp where he died,
24:46
you know, was Jewish.
24:49
You know, she hid the fact a or anything about her life.
24:54
She came to Canada, made up a whole new life for herself,
24:56
and she believed she was Jewish and took us to church every Sunday.
25:01
Right.
25:01
So there was a fear that if you were yourself.
25:05
Oh, and she married.
25:06
She told me she married my dad for security, even though she did love him.
25:09
He was 20 years her senior and she built a life in Canada.
25:15
And her idea was, you know, money, property, prestige
25:18
was going to keep you safe, you know, and there's not enough,
25:21
you know, you got to have to work really hard and go for it.
25:24
And because there's not enough, because there's not enough.
25:29
Right?
25:29
And if there isn't, then you better hold on to that. Right.
25:32
So there's a lot of unlearning.
25:33
Unlearn a lot of things.
25:35
So there is a part of me that I got conditioned like anybody else,
25:40
like, oh, maybe I am like, oh my God, look at all the lines in my face.
25:42
Oh my God.
25:43
Then I'm like, no, it'll love those lines in some days.
25:47
You know, I see a friend who's done a ton of work on herself
25:50
or whatever, and I look and I go, should I do that?
25:53
Like, I'm not?
25:55
Listen, I'm no, I'm, I'm no saint because I haven't done it yet.
25:59
But I guess the thing is, is that I want to have the motive to do
26:01
it is not because I'm afraid of being invisible.
26:03
I want to do it because I think it might make me look better for me.
26:07
For you?
26:07
Exactly. Yes, yes. That's important.
26:10
Like, how do you handle it?
26:11
Right when you feel that's that thing?
26:13
I mean, honestly, I always would ignore those comments,
26:17
you know, even though sometimes I'd be like,
26:18
what the heck, you know, especially the women.
26:20
It wasn't the men.
26:21
It was more the women that would work.
26:24
Yeah, it would bother me so much.
26:26
And, you know, when I was working on the news, I was very much myself and
26:30
like just my own personality and didn't necessarily fit the mold.
26:35
I would say of like your typical broadcaster, I would sing on air.
26:37
I would, you know, just kind of do whatever comes to me within reason.
26:41
Obviously, you know, if there's a horrible story,
26:43
then I, you know, I wrote it in but real it in.
26:47
But but I feel like I was doing a disservice to other people
26:52
if I was not being my authentic self and bringing that forward.
26:56
I think by more of us returning home to ourselves,
27:01
you know, even by you putting out your album.
27:04
Yes, there's hope and you're also leading by example
27:07
and showing other people if you're doing it for yourself.
27:10
Number one, I say that that's a win, right?
27:12
I mean, I'm doing this podcast and if there are people that don't like it
27:15
or, you know, or why is she doing it or, you know, I even have some people
27:19
who I thought would support it and then never ask about it.
27:23
And I'm like, that's okay, I'm doing this for me.
27:25
I just feel like we need more light workers out there doing
27:28
what matters to us.
27:29
And I feel like if there's more of that, maybe by osmosis,
27:33
that'll kind of trickle and spread around and people will be happier.
27:38
Agree, I totally agree.
27:40
And I also think too, that, you know,
27:43
I have really been
27:45
very, very aware of the fact that I share information, I share,
27:51
and I teach what I know, but I also
27:55
do not want to be on anybody's pedestal.
27:59
I am a fallible
28:01
being that doesn't have all the answers, and I'm very clear about that.
28:05
This is what I do have.
28:06
And if you want what I have right, and you're interested.
28:10
But I always tell people, take what you like and leave the rest.
28:13
You know, if you need to outgrow a teacher, let yourself do that.
28:18
Like, we don't have to burn down the castle
28:20
because we decided we wanted to go to another castle, right?
28:23
Exactly like go.
28:26
It's like to like to share and to go do like we're.
28:31
I'm training teachers in the art of manifesting right now.
28:34
We're in our second group where me and Anna Denning,
28:37
my partner that I did the book with, we're having the time of Our lives.
28:40
We have such great, but we're telling them, go make this yours.
28:44
Right? Like go make this yours.
28:46
We're not.
28:46
We want you to go make this your own.
28:49
Like go.
28:49
Do we do this, this outline to do this work.
28:54
Now go help other people with this.
28:56
The way you've been helped by it, understand works.
28:58
And we are having the best time because it's, you know, gone are the days.
29:04
I guess in the beginning, I thought this was the way it had to be.
29:08
Like, I thought maybe this was the way.
29:10
And now I realize there's so many ways, there are so many ways, and I have a way.
29:17
Right.
29:18
So it's also easier for me to really feel just very good
29:23
as long as I stay in my integrity, stay in my authenticity,
29:26
and when I change to talk about it with transparency.
29:30
Right, okay, this is what's happening.
29:32
And here's what I'm learning from it.
29:34
And then it kind of gives permission to everybody to be part of the story
29:38
as opposed to a top down kind of thing, you know,
29:41
like because yeah, changing
29:44
even in teacher student relations and stuff, I think it's,
29:49
you know, I'm giving away information and go make it into your own.
29:52
And I think that it's also because it's my age.
29:54
I think, too, it's like I'm in the mentor phase, right.
29:57
Comes with wisdom in the years. Yeah, definitely.
30:00
I also before we go, I did want to really touch on
30:04
because you are so vocal about, you know, the recovery and 12 step.
30:08
And I feel like now more than ever, I just feel like that mental health
30:13
is just like suffering so badly right now.
30:16
Not like it never.
30:17
You know, there I just feel like you're hearing more.
30:21
When you were getting sober
30:22
the first time, you had to let one identity die before another could emerge.
30:27
How was that? How was wrestling that?
30:30
You know, so
30:31
sobriety is not is not about stopping drinking and stopping taking drugs.
30:36
Sobriety is about who you become.
30:39
Peeling the layers of crap off
30:42
that you identified yourself with the concept of being a victim.
30:47
Even if, like I have, I have every reason to have that label, right?
30:51
I mean, I was most definitely victimized in a very violent way,
30:56
more than once, like, especially when I was 19, 20, 21.
31:02
And then, you know, we're pretty sure I was molested
31:05
by a babysitter next, but whatever.
31:09
Doesn't matter.
31:09
The point is, is that I had a lot of stories
31:11
I believed about myself that gave me, in some way, carte blanche
31:15
to behave in such a way.
31:17
And it was no, I needed to.
31:19
It was like about ego deflation.
31:21
It was about my identity needed to change.
31:24
And the only way it could change is to heal those parts of me.
31:26
And it took many, many years. It did not take overnight.
31:29
It was an instant.
31:30
And just because I stopped taking drugs and drinking does not,
31:33
did not mean that I was the same right away.
31:35
It took a long time and I'm still doing the work and I'm still in, you know, I,
31:40
I go through phases where I'm in therapy and then I get out of therapy.
31:43
I'm in therapy again.
31:44
Now, as I move to this next layer of my life, I've just now dealt
31:48
with all the deep mother wound.
31:50
This album is a lot about that too.
31:52
There's a whole song about her in the album, out of nowhere
31:56
and understanding that I see her now as a person, I feel she understands me.
32:02
She died 30 years ago.
32:03
But like, so working through all these ways
32:06
in which we operate in the world, you know, it is
32:10
it is shadow work without being self so self-centered
32:15
that the shadow is where you go and it makes you special and different.
32:18
Like, you know, sometimes people can co-opt these words
32:21
like trauma and shadow and authentic, and then they make it into a meme.
32:26
You know, this is it's in full work.
32:29
It's painful work to say, yes, I was a victim.
32:32
So am I going to be an identity as the victim, or am I going to
32:36
know that I could I could be victorious over the identity
32:41
that I believed myself to have as a result, like I felt I was dirty,
32:46
I couldn't have kids as a result of something that happened to me.
32:50
You know, there was like a lot of things that that were very traumatic and,
32:56
you know, basically made me want to set my self on fire, you know what I mean?
33:00
It was like it was so being sober
33:03
and being in recovery means that I had to have outside help.
33:08
I had to be willing to go to any lengths to heal,
33:13
so that I did not become a blight on society, right?
33:17
That I was contributing in any way that I could instead of taking away.
33:22
And it wouldn't be perfect.
33:24
And I have caught a long my way
33:27
through the world making loads of mistakes and doing that.
33:31
I call it the spiritual cha cha, which is ten steps forward,
33:34
five step back, two more steps back, following your face.
33:37
Get up to ten more forward
33:40
you know
33:42
and just not expect perfection.
33:43
But don't quit. Don't.
33:47
And and like I, my whole life has now,
33:52
I realized that life for me is a is a gift.
33:56
I got a second chance.
33:58
Sobriety for me is a second chance that I could screw that up at any day.
34:01
Because alcoholism is a disease.
34:03
It doesn't leave you and it tells you things.
34:06
If you stop being vigilant that, oh, you could have a drink.
34:10
You haven't had 1 in 40 years, that means you're not an alcoholic.
34:12
And then off I go and I'll kill myself. Right? So.
34:15
And for from depression I have ADHD.
34:18
I have all of these things, right?
34:20
You name it I can click, click click click click. Well why is that?
34:22
Is there a name for that?
34:23
Now that weird thing that I am, right.
34:26
It's like it is.
34:27
It's almost like we believe the labels in a way, right?
34:30
Yeah.
34:30
You know,
34:31
I have no problem calling myself an alcoholic and an addict today,
34:33
even though I haven't picked up a drink or a drug in over 40 years.
34:36
Because I have that and I dare not ever forget that.
34:40
So I have some people say, well, don't you?
34:42
You shouldn't be saying that.
34:44
That you're affirming that you're that I went.
34:46
Yeah, yeah.
34:47
Well, if I start affirming that I'm fine and I start
34:50
drinking in front of you, you wait and see what happens, right?
34:53
Right.
34:55
So I want
34:58
I don't want to be a better person just to virtue signal.
35:02
Right. I'm allergic to virtue signaling.
35:04
I want to be the better person so I can leave
35:08
whatever tiny patch I stood on a little bit better than I got there.
35:13
If I could just just a little bit better, then I'm doing what I'm here to do.
35:18
If I can serve with whatever skill or talent that the universe gave me,
35:21
then I'm doing the best that I can.
35:23
Yes, I did the album for me, but it also enabled me to come full circle.
35:28
All the things that I am that could maybe touch people
35:32
and it won't touch everybody, but it already is.
35:35
I'm getting letters from people to say I don't feel alone listening to your music.
35:38
Oh my God. La la la.
35:40
I always wanted if I, if one person wrote me the most beautiful letter.
35:44
And if that never happened again, I.
35:46
That was worse.
35:47
It made it. Oh, yeah. No.
35:50
Sometimes it just takes that one person, you know what I mean?
35:52
To touch you and kind of that, like, little signal right from the universe
35:56
or whatever source that like, oh, okay, I'm on the right path.
36:00
Like, I feel like I get those little breadcrumbs
36:02
to when I'm starting to feel like,
36:03
oh my gosh, you know, and then you're like, okay.
36:06
Oh, I did.
36:08
Exactly.
36:09
We know when when we are feeling
36:13
that we are doing something valuable.
36:16
It's not that's not just for ourselves.
36:18
Like it's like when we're receiving something we know it's not just hours.
36:22
Like we really believe, like, this music is not my music.
36:25
It's our it's everybody's now.
36:27
Oracle cards were always other people's.
36:30
They were through me for others. Right.
36:32
They were always going to be a system other people used. But.
36:36
And whether they're popular or not isn't the point.
36:39
The point is, is that that I got to be used in service to a power
36:45
greater than me.
36:47
And I got to stand back and go, cool, like my art.
36:51
Yeah, I'm an artist now, and I, I, I had not done
36:54
art for years and then went full tilt into art again.
36:58
And I saw my paintings and you know, and but I do it.
37:02
These are prayer paintings. I paint prayers.
37:05
So it's like, you know, so I don't know how to put it.
37:09
It's but you just know that you're not taking up space just for the sake of it.
37:14
I don't do anything.
37:16
The money I don't do.
37:18
I could be a lot more successful, but I don't really enjoy social media, you know?
37:23
So, like, I could be out there
37:25
doing all kinds of videos and I really don't enjoy it.
37:27
So it's like, I don't feel like jumping
37:30
into the global conversation is helpful, right?
37:34
It's not.
37:34
That's our solution is so I don't I don't I don't participate
37:39
because I have nothing to add like I value of that.
37:44
My question is could I be part of a solution or
37:49
and then can I change my mind?
37:50
That's the other thing.
37:50
Because sometimes you think
37:51
it's one solution and you realize, oh, I may have been wrong.
37:55
Oh okay.
37:56
So I'm going to stand that, I'm going to learn something
37:59
and I'm going to change my mind and I have to be able to, otherwise I won't grow.
38:03
Was intuition something that you discovered after
38:06
getting sober, or was it something that you could finally here,
38:09
like once the noise kind of quieted around you?
38:12
I always had this.
38:14
I always had this, but it was like it.
38:18
No, but it was like, not healthy. Right?
38:21
So when you are, when you have the again.
38:24
So here's the thing. Every one of us is intuitive.
38:26
So I'm going to say more.
38:27
But you know, accessing consciousness and information in this because
38:32
if everything is consciousness then information is not that hard to touch.
38:36
Touch. Right.
38:36
But if I'm not, if I am not a healthy person,
38:40
then I'm going to be a dirty filter through which this comes, right?
38:44
I'm so.
38:45
So it became clear when I got clean and sober.
38:50
Mediumship only really showed up for me kicking and screaming.
38:55
I'm not a medium when I didn't want to be one,
38:58
when it was like oh my god, what is this on stage with?
39:01
Hey, that was funny. I told him, no, no, no, I don't do I don't do that.
39:03
So I don't do that. So don't worry, I won't do that.
39:05
I'm like, good, you don't have to do that.
39:07
We have enough of them.
39:08
And I'm like, oh, I right on a cruise.
39:11
So I was, I was there was all of us authors and I got on stage
39:15
and it was the craziest stuff.
39:16
I saw some guy walk by and I was able to describe them.
39:20
And then this woman's husband and who had died, and he told me
39:24
his name, and the boat was named that it was like all this crazy stuff.
39:28
And then I was like, Holy shit.
39:29
And my husband had never seen me do that.
39:31
So afterwards I got off the stage, I looked at him, and you're not
39:33
gonna leave me, are you?
39:37
You? And then I had to write the president of hey, House high.
39:40
You know, I said I didn't talk to dead people.
39:42
Well, I do, I actually do.
39:46
And all the times
39:47
when I was doing independent readings and I would know things about people
39:50
who passed away, I was just saying, like, I'm just really good at this.
39:53
This is not really a dead person.
39:55
Now I look back going like, wow, so I just wouldn't own it.
39:59
So a lot now I'm just whatever, use me, use me
40:03
as thou wilt and so be it.
40:07
But our society is changing dramatically.
40:10
I'm very sad about a lot
40:12
of the things that I see, and I think sometimes you have like,
40:15
I knew you couldn't get sober, so you hit bottom.
40:17
And I think our our global sobriety is going to come when we hit bottom.
40:23
And we're pretty freaking close.
40:25
And and we have and it's like, I think our time right now
40:30
should be spent dreaming about what's possible instead of
40:34
wringing our hands about the things we don't have any control over.
40:36
But what do we have?
40:38
And I have to remember that.
40:40
And I don't have the answers.
40:42
I don't have the answers. I have opinions, right?
40:45
But I also
40:46
know our humanity is at stake right now.
40:49
Everywhere in our humanity is not separate from this planet we stand on.
40:53
And I am and I like I said, I have never been an activist.
40:57
It's not my nature.
40:58
I'm a nurture person.
41:00
I'm the person who has the sanctuary at the side of the road
41:03
that everybody gets to come.
41:06
If your weapons at the door.
41:08
Come on in.
41:09
You know, everybody's just in here, right?
41:12
And we're good.
41:13
Yeah, that is my that's my role.
41:15
But I will say this, that if we don't dream about the
41:19
what's possible will acquiesce and just sit around
41:23
like apathetic idiots and then let the crap continue.
41:26
That's not in the best interests of everybody.
41:29
And and so we do need to have a voice wherever it says.
41:34
For me, social media is not the place for my voice.
41:37
For that.
41:38
It's where I vote, it's where I where I'm going
41:41
to show up and do something personally.
41:44
Go take my energy.
41:46
Because just shouting isn't the way.
41:48
You know what?
41:49
You can't actually make the change.
41:51
But the dreamers are important now.
41:53
Like what could the world look like?
41:55
And you know what the way the world could look like
41:58
is if you are listening to your calling, that's how the world could look like you.
42:02
People like you who are out there doing this
42:04
because you feel called to it and you're happy.
42:06
People like me, who have many years of experience in this world.
42:11
I'm not, you know, I'm I'm so there's I'm not up for any bullshit,
42:16
you know, but I can offer what I can and nothing more than that, right?
42:20
But I have to if you have something.
42:23
Is this new eclipse coming up?
42:25
I don't know when you're airing this, but 12th of August, I'm actually
42:29
releasing a new single that's going to be a bonus for this
42:32
album called Truth Begins that I did with Eric Ross.
42:35
But you know, it is about that
42:38
asking us where have we surrendered our power?
42:41
What does power actually look like? Who has it?
42:44
What does it mean?
42:45
How do we share it?
42:47
And what could the world look like? Right?
42:50
You know, because we have to be in this together, right?
42:54
Like we have be able to hear each other and somehow come to.
42:58
Can we we've all these threads together to make something beautiful.
43:03
What I love about your podcast is what you call it, right?
43:06
It's mostly together.
43:08
That's what I love you.
43:10
You're like, not saying I have the answer.
43:12
You're like, we're mostly together.
43:13
And what we talk about here, some of it might be shit.
43:16
I mean, like
43:19
girls talking about shit.
43:23
But honestly, go along.
43:26
Yeah.
43:26
And, you know, it's so funny because being in the news for so long,
43:29
you're pressed for time.
43:31
You're just skimming the surface with all these stories.
43:33
And I feel like when I created this, I wanted to go beyond the surface.
43:39
You know, we know everyone's resume.
43:41
You know, anyone can look you up right now and see the like, you know,
43:44
the amazing lists of everything that you've done, the,
43:47
you know, everything that you're known for.
43:49
And I think that when we have these real conversations,
43:53
it really we get to see the real person, you know what I mean?
43:56
Like it's that's what matters.
44:01
And I believe and you know what?
44:02
Right now, let me say this right now, we need more real this out there.
44:07
And that's what is why I started going back out to do live
44:11
in person events because so people can we can see each other.
44:14
It's not just on screens.
44:16
Oh, I love this.
44:16
I love this format because otherwise people wouldn't find you.
44:19
Well, so my last question
44:21
that I was going to ask you, and it's so funny that you brought up, was
44:24
what mostly together means to you, Colette Baron read that
44:28
mostly together means this, that we are always changing.
44:33
We're always growing.
44:35
There's no such thing as perfection.
44:37
And the curated self is not the self that counts anymore.
44:42
I, you know, it's that messy, moving, learning,
44:47
snotty self
44:50
that cries, that gets mad, that changes their mind, that learns that
44:54
that's the mostly together self and that's I'm just mostly together.
44:58
I'll be honest, we all are. Mostly not
45:01
some days, mostly not together, some days mostly together.
45:04
It's like a gamble.
45:05
You surprise yourself, right?
45:07
Oh, thank you so much, Colette.
45:10
I really appreciate again your time and all of this insight.
45:14
It was beautiful. It was wonderful.
45:16
And oh, where can people find you and learn more about your album?
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So you can just go to my website, Colette Baron
45:25
and there's lots of stuff you can read about me there.
45:27
You see my art of manifesting all the events I have coming up, Italy,
45:31
blah blah blah, my mastermind.
45:33
But if you want to listen to my album for free and to see
45:36
if you like it, you can go to Call That
45:40
Camp.
45:40
It's not on Spotify and Apple by design, and if you like it
45:46
and you want to keep it, I have a community in there.
45:50
You join it, I talk to people in there.
45:52
We get to know who our fans are.
45:53
So I call it the Sacred Listening Sanctuary.
45:57
And I love your single Becoming Free.
45:59
By the way, the first song, the first one.
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Yeah, I really that spoke to me probably just like where I'm at right now.
46:05
So thank you. It's great.
46:07
And that's the first sign of the album. Thank you so much.
46:10
Again, Colette, talk to you soon and congratulations again.
46:14
All right, that wraps up another episode of Mostly Together.
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Thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it.
46:20
I hope something in today's conversation stayed with you.
46:23
Remember, new episodes come out every week, so hit subscribe wherever
46:27
you're listening and you can also watch the full episode on YouTube.
46:31
Our channel is at Mostly Together pod, and that's
46:35
actually the same handle where you can find us on Instagram and Facebook.
46:38
Lots of content there and you can go on our website mostly together.
46:42
We have a complete
46:43
backlog of all the episodes, so make sure to check all of that out.
46:48
Take what you need, leave the rest and I'll see you next week.