Latest / Women at Work: Career, Leadership & Modern Work / The Emotional Labor Tax on Women at Work
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to talk about something today that a lot of women I know recognise instantly, but it rarely gets called what it is: the emotional labor tax. Luna: Emotional labor tax — I like that framing. You mean the extra mental and emotional work women do at work, the stuff that's expected but not rewarded? Lucas: Exactly. And I want to ground this in something concrete. A 2024 study from the University of California tracked time use in mixed-gender product teams. They found that women spent roughly twenty percent more of their work hours on emotional labor than their male teammates. That's an entire afternoon per week. Lucas: And here's the kicker — that time wasn't spent on core job tasks. It was spent managing team morale, mediating disagreements, anticipating what the boss needed before they asked. Work that is essential to team function but invisible on a performance review. Luna: Right, and this is one of those patterns that once you see it, you see it everywhere. Let's talk about the product manager example you mentioned — what was her specific experience? Lucas: She was on a team of eight, five men and three women. Every week, she'd find herself organising the team happy hour, checking in on a junior designer who seemed stressed, smoothing over a conflict between engineering and marketing. Meanwhile, her male colleagues were booking time on their calendars for deep work on the roadmap. By the end of the quarter, they had shipped two major features. She had shipped zero. Luna: And I bet nobody thanked her for the happy hour or the conflict resolution. It's just expected. So she's doing this invisible work, and it's actually hurting her output metrics. Lucas: That's the tax. It's not just that emotional labor takes time. It's that the time it takes comes directly out of the visible, promotable work. And because the labor is invisible, managers don't see why her output is lower. Luna: I want to ask you about something — and this is a personal note. You know, we keep this podcast ad-free because we want these conversations to be accessible without any sponsor pressure. And if listeners find value in digging into these career dynamics, supporting us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo is a simple way to keep that going. Lucas: Yeah, I appreciate that. It means we can talk about something like emotional labor without having to tie it to a product or a service. So back to the study — what did they propose as a solution? Lucas: They recommended that teams explicitly track emotional labor as part of the workload. Make it visible on a task board or in sprint planning. That way it can be redistributed, not just dumped on whoever is most socially attuned. Luna: That makes sense. But I think there's a deeper problem too. Even if you make it visible, there's a cultural assumption that women are naturally better at it. So the work keeps getting assigned informally. Lucas: Right. The study called that the 'skill attribution bias.' When a woman mediates a conflict, people think she's just being nice. When a man does it, he's being strategic. So the same behavior is coded as a skill for one gender and a personality trait for the other. Luna: And that has real consequences. If it's a skill, you can be promoted for it. If it's a personality trait, you're just expected to do it. Lucas: Let me give you another number. The same study found that when teams formally recognised emotional labor in performance reviews, women were thirty-five percent more likely to be satisfied with their career progression. It's not just about fairness — it's about retention. Luna: So what would that look like in practice? A manager saying, 'I see you spent three hours this week mediating between departments. That's valuable. Let's talk about how to share that load.'? Lucas: Exactly. And then actually rotating who does the team morale check-ins. Making it a formal role, like being the retrospective facilitator. The problem isn't that emotional labor is bad — it's that it's unequally distributed and unrewarded. Luna: You know, I think there's also a generational angle. Younger workers, both men and women, seem more aware of this. They talk about it openly. Maybe the next wave of managers will handle it differently. Lucas: I hope so. But in the meantime, the tax is real. And it's one of those quiet career blockers that doesn't show up in the data until you look at time diaries or exit interviews. Luna: What about the personal side? If a woman is listening and she recognises herself in the product manager story, what can she do? Lucas: I'd start by tracking it for a week. Just note every time you do something that's about managing someone else's emotions or team harmony. Then bring that log to a one-on-one. Say, 'Here's what I'm spending time on. How do we value this against the roadmap work?' Luna: That's a concrete step. And it forces the conversation. Because right now, that work is just getting done, silently. Lucas: Right. And I think managers need to hear it too — if you have a team, look at who is doing the emotional labor. Is it always the same person? And if that person is a woman, ask yourself if you're taking it for granted. Luna: There's also a risk of individualizing a systemic problem. It's not just one woman's responsibility to start tracking — the team and the organization need to build structures that share the load. Lucas: Totally. But the individual log can be a catalyst. Once you have the data, you can push for structural change. The study showed that teams that did this reduced the gender gap in emotional labor by half within three months. Luna: That's a promising number. Half in three months — that's not forever. So it's not a fixed trait we're dealing with, it's just a habit that can be broken. Lucas: Exactly. And I think that's the hopeful takeaway. Emotional labor is work. It can be measured, shared, and credited. We just have to stop pretending it doesn't exist. Luna: Or that it's just 'being nice.' So for our listeners — if you're the one always smoothing things over, start a log. If you're a manager, start noticing. And if you're both, maybe have a conversation about redistribution. Lucas: And we'll keep talking about these dynamics because they shape careers in ways we don't always see. Thanks for being here, everyone. Luna: Yeah, thanks for listening. And if you want to support the show, you know where to find us.