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What is a COVERT Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, Beautiful people.
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  Today we're talking about covert narcissist.
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  I get a lot of people asking me about covert narcissist, so
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  we're going to tackle it today. If you're new here, My name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Yes, y'all the covert
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  narcissist. I get a lot of people that ask
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  me that tell me that I leave. A lot of people talk about the
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  malignant narcissist, the overt narcissist, the narcissist that
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  are easy to spot like the narcissist, the like you.
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  Like if somebody were to tell you that this person is a
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  narcissist, you would believe it because that person's
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  personality is is unique. Needless to say, their
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  personality is very unique and works that way.
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  So covert narcissist, the people tend to, I'll say this, Covert
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  narcissist and overt narcissist both have the same goals.
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  They just seek to achieve those goals differently.
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  That's the big difference right there.
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  Covert Narcissist and Overt narcissist.
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  Literally have the same like this.
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  The gold goals, I mean is control.
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  They won't control. They want power they want, you
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  know they won't supply. But they just have different
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  ways and different techniques about going and getting that
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  supply going and getting that validation going and getting
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  that type of stuff right there. They just have different ways
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  about going and getting it. The same goals, just different
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  ways of going to get it. And yes, you can go from being a
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  covert narcissist to being an overt Malayan narcissist.
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  Y'all. Some people can transition.
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  It's kind of like, you know, like kind of like chameleons.
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  Like, you know how chameleons can change colors?
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  Narcissists can change types sometimes, depending on
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  depending on their environment and how safe they feel.
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  Just like a little chameleon. If this narcissist, if this
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  little narc chameleon is feeling, you know, scary and
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  everybody around them is red, they're going to be red.
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  They want to blend in. Covert narcissists or
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  communities, they want to blend in a little bit more.
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  Like I said, I have a very malignant, narcissistic friend.
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  I haven't seen him in a while, but very malignant, narcissistic
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  friend like me and him had had conversations about this like,
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  I'm more covert, he's more malignant and overt.
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  Like, you know, he's, you know, he's a narcissist.
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  There's like not a shadow of a doubt that he's a narcissist.
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  Like, you wouldn't just be like, no, he's not a narcissist.
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  No, you would just out you you you would you would absolutely
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  agree that he he he is indeed a narcissist.
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  No ifs, ands buts or about it and whatnot.
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  But so we're going to just tackle what is a covert
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  narcissist Y'all. So covert narcissists sometimes
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  are referred to as vulnerable narcissists, like the quiet
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  narcissistic people, people that lead, like very different public
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  and private lives. That's one of the, like the one
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  of the biggest things that happens with covert,
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  narcissistic people. They are very they lead like
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  their lives, they live out in public and the life they live
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  behind the scenes could be completely different.
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  You know what I mean? Their their lives don't match
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  up. The reputation is going to be
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  good. But that's, like I said again,
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  y'all the same can be true about overt narcissist, you know, but
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  cohort narcissist. They might have a reputation for
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  being quiet, diminutive, shy, meek out in public, but at home
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  you don't think that they're shy and meek.
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  They might be passive aggressive, they might be shy
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  and meek at home, but out of the public like you see them out of
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  public and they're just walking around their shoulders, slushed
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  like a turtle, Like a little turtle with his head in the
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  shell, like barely sticking out at home.
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  That turtleneck, that little narcissistic turtleneck is out
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  and showing. You can see all the little veins
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  in the narcissist like little in the neck of a narcissist, right,
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  Because they come out of that turtle shell at home.
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  Home is the safe place for covert narcissist.
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  You know, home is a safe place for covert narcissist.
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  Another thing you're going to see about covert narcissist is
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  just like overt narcissist, they tend to blame shift.
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  They tend to blame other people, and they tend to blame and shame
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  other people. They tend to blame other people
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  and deflect and divert the shame from themselves onto others.
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  Like if I'm feeling ashamed of a certain situation, of a certain
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  way, I'm going to put it on to somebody else.
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  I need to shake free of the shame.
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  I need to put the shame on somebody else.
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  You know, they blame the shame. Just like overt narcissist,
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  covert, narcissistic people also tend to be very sensitive,
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  highly sensitive to criticism. Overt narcissistic people tend
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  to. If you criticize them, they tend
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  to snap back at you. You know what I mean?
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  Not all the time, but they tend to snap back at you.
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  They tend to get loud moistures or whatever with you.
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  Covert narcissists are going to snap back at you.
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  But they might do it in a different way.
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  A covert narcissist might do it, like I said, might do it in a
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  very quiet, meek way. They'll just like they're
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  passive aggressive, like you embarrass them in public or
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  whatever. They passive aggressive insults.
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  You know they're talking to you, you know they're referring to
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  you, but everybody else doesn't. Nobody else can tell that
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  they're referring to you, but you know it, right?
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  You know, absolutely that they're talking to you.
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  You know that they're being, you know, you know that they're
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  talking to you. You know they're directing
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  everything towards you. You get it, you know it.
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  One thing covert narcissists do with the passive aggressive
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  stuff is they dog whistle a lot. Covert narcissists are very,
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  very good at dog whistles. You don't know what.
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  Sorry, y'all. If you don't know what a dog
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  whistle or an inside trigger is, you you about to learn today,
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  That's when they soup. That's when they sigh covertly.
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  Trigger you. A covert narcissist likes to
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  covertly trigger you by dog whistling.
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  Like using, like triggering you silently, like using buzzwords
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  that only you will understand. Saying a little passive
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  aggressive insults to you that everybody else thinks it's a
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  joke but you know they're not. They're not joking.
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  Like, let's just say this is a simplistic example right here.
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  Y'all. Let's just say they're always
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  ragging you about cleaning the house or something like that.
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  This is super simplistic. It could be money, it could be
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  something else. But let's just say like, this
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  house is dirty as hell. Like you can you God, you you
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  are messy. This is a damn, this house is a
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  damn pigsty you never cleaned up.
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  You got our house dirty as hell, blah blah blah Boo Boo Boo BBB.
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  You got all this stuff going on, right?
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  They're saying this to you in public.
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  So when you I mean they send it to you in private.
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  So the way they covertly trigger you out in public, the way they
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  dog whistle you out in public, y'all go to a friend's house and
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  they're and they make a loud statement each other.
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  Damn, this house is really clean.
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  I love coming. I love coming to a clean house.
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  Don't you, honey? Gotcha.
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  They just covertly triggered you because you know they're
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  insulting you, right? Nobody else might know they're
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  insulting you, but you know that they're insulting you.
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  That's their passive aggressive, like that's how they get you.
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  That's how they shame you. That's how they dog whistle you
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  right there. You know what I mean?
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  Covert narcissists also like to be the center of attention, just
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  in different ways. They like to be the center of
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  attention. They like for all the attention
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  to be on them, right? But they like for it to be in
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  different ways. They like to achieve that
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  attention in different ways. What I mean in different ways, I
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  mean that they like to like. They like to be the center of
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  attention in their room, full of people by standing out a little
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  bit. They might not like the light
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  shine on them like this, but they want the light to shine
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  because of them. The light doesn't necessarily
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  have to shine on them, but it needs to shine because of them.
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  Like the event is an event in their honor, right?
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  The Lee Hammock Memorial Award. Like I'm trying to like no, no,
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  no, don't give me, don't put the camera on me.
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  This is not about me. This is about everybody else.
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  This is about everybody giving back the community.
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  I'm just thankful to be here. They love that right there.
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  They love it because it's pretending to be humble, but
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  it's soaking up attention at the same time.
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  Pretending to be humble. Pretending to be just cool,
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  calmer, collected, but soaking it up.
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  Sucking it up like a damn little toxic sponge, like a little
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  narcissistic sponge. Just soaking up the supply.
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  Soaking up the vulnerability. Soaking it up.
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  Just soaking it up. Soaking it up.
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  Soaking it up, you know, but covert.
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  And this is the thing about covert narcissists that are that
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  tend to be more vulnerable narcissists.
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  They do have like a certain level of empathy.
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  The vulnerable narcissist can display a certain level of
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  empathy toward other people, but it's very self-serving empathy.
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  They feel empathy towards people that are extremely close to
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  them, empathy towards people that directly have effect on
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  them. Not any like they don't have
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  any. They don't have enough to go
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  around, pretty much. They have enough for themselves,
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  but they don't have enough to go around.
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  You know, just enough to use for you, not enough to go around for
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  everybody else. But I got this is all I got.
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  I got 7 quarters. That's all I got.
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  You know, what are you going to do?
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  Yo, you see what I'm saying? But that's how it goes there,
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  right there in this space right there.
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  So you, like I said, you know, if you're dealing with a covert
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  narcissist, you know, like because they don't seem like,
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  they don't seem like narcissistic people and a lot.
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  And that's why I say to people right here, a lot of people
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  don't realize you're dealing with covert narcissists because
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  they don't fit that same loud, outgoing criteria.
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  They don't always have to have the nicest clothes.
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  They don't always have to have the nicest cars.
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  They don't always have to have the nicest things.
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  But sometimes they they do like to shine.
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  But be there's like passive shine.
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  They'll get like a little nice ass watch and that's all they
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  look. Everything be from Goodwill.
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  Everything be, you know, everything might be from
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  Goodwill. Everything might be from
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  something like, you know, from Walmart or something.
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  The dollar store, they got shirts and clothes from the
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  dollar store, but they got a Rolex on something very
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  expensive. Something that you would notice
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  but it just makes them seem like they're humble.
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  It's fake humbleness. It is absolutely fake humbleness
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  right there, you mean. But if you if you comment on
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  their lack of style, their lack, their lack of looks, they will
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  take that as criticism. Like I said earlier, covert
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  narcissists are vulnerable as hell, and they're super
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  sensitive to criticism. But covert narcissists have
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  their problems very well. Like, they don't.
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  They don't necessarily. I'm not saying that they don't
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  rage out on you, but a lot of covert narcissists use the
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  satellite treatment rather than rage.
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  Can you do both? Yes, but a lot of covert
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  narcissists have that passive aggressive silence as opposed to
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  their active, aggressive, narcissistic rage.
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  You know, you know, they they they have that, they have it,
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  but they just, they they hold it in, you know, they just do the
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  silent treatment. They'll ignore you, they'll
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  ghost you, They'll pretend you know they'll Stonewall you.
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  That's what they call it, Stonewall.
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  Just pretending like you don't exist, like your needs don't
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  matter. But like like I said in the
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  beginning, their goals are still the same.
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  They still want control. They still want power.
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  They still want validity. They still want validation.
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  They still want supply in some way, shape or form.
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  They still want the same thing. They just go about getting them
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  differently. This is how it goes all the
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  time. They still have the they still
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  want the admiration, but they just go about and get it in
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  different ways. Like I say, they they direct
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  your attention to the watch by wearing everything else.
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  They look bummy. I can see y'all see y'all.
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  If y'all want to see a cobra narcissist, they transitions to
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  an overt narcissist in real life.
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  Cut them out. One of my workshops this
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  upcoming year I'm working about a new website.
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  It's going to have an events tab or I'm going to be doing like in
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  person events all across the United States and different
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  countries and stuff like that as well.
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  So it's coming up that's coming up here, y'all gonna see y'all
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  gonna see it right there. Y'all.
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  But I was just telling you they'll appear to be super shy
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  and bashful, appear to be super insecure, but most narcissists
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  are insecure. Cover narcissists just cover it
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  up differently by being shy and bashful.
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  But over narcissists covered up by just they cover their
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  insecurities with with gold and diamonds and luxury and stuff
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  like that. They try to, you know, you can
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  be a broke, bummy, overt narcissist, malignant
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  narcissist, Y'all. But that's one of the thing
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  about dealing with a covert narcissist as well.
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  Y'all. They can absolutely be extremely
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  jealous, envious people. All narcissists have this
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  jealousy streak. But covert narcissist?
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  Boy, I'm just it's something in them that you know that is this
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  wild, the wild jealous streak where they feel like they need
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  to put you down in order to pick themselves up.
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  And again y'all that's where they they come in at.
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  They just put they feel the need to put you down, make you feel
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  guilty to pick themselves up. They also like to play the
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  victim. They like to self victimize
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  themselves. They like to literally self
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  victimized. Self deprecating language runs
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  kind of rampant with covert narcissists.
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  What I mean by self deprecating language, they'll say things
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  like I'm just never good enough for you.
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  I'm just a harmful person. I'm just a terrible man.
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  I'm just a awful woman. I'm a terrible mother, horrible
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  father, you know I'm not good enough for you.
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  They'll say self deprecating things like this in order to get
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  you to feel bad for them to drop the charges so to speak on them.
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  It might not be actual charges with the Police Department, it
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  might be charges within the marriage charges within the
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  relationship dynamic, you know what I mean?
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  Covert narcissist keep doing this type of stuff like that.
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  Y'all. But what I also also say about
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  this right here, y'all covert narcissist.
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  You know they have. They can have, you know, big
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  friend groups when they like being the shy, cool, calm,
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  collective person. But you know, just like me, a
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  lot of covert narcissists battle with super high anxiety and also
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  depression. It's kind of like the a
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  cocktail, the cocktail right there in that space, right
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  there, you know? Do you remember?
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  I do know I can do other videos about covert narcissists, y'all
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  and how to deal with them and stuff like that.
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  But y'all know, I like to keep these videos short and sweet to
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  the point, whatnot. Thank y'all for tuning in and
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  making it this far. I truly appreciate every single
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  one of y'all. If you haven't already, like and
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  subscribe to the channel, go and subscribe to the channel.
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  Thank you so much. Mental illness is up.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness rock star and I appreciate you for
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  being here. If you haven't already.
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  Make sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
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  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
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  on Amazon so check that out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.