Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #598 Holiday Hot Seat - Amanda Keller

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#598 Holiday Hot Seat - Amanda Keller · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: wants answers.
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  Speaker 3: Now, Good Day. This is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder
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  Speaker 3: of Happy Families dot com dot a you dades six,
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  Speaker 3: daughter's husband to one wife and the parenting expert and
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  Speaker 3: co host on Chann Leine's Parental Guidance. Also the host
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  Speaker 3: of this podcast, that Happy Families Podcast. Thank you so
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: much for listening and allowing me into your life to
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: hopefully be useful in making your family happier. Right now,
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  Speaker 3: school holidays in Queensland, which means that I'm doing my
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  Speaker 3: best to spend as much time in the sunshine with
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  Speaker 3: Kylie and the girls as i can so each day
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  Speaker 3: during the Queensland school holidays, I'm going to be featuring
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  Speaker 3: on the podcast. Some of my favorite podcast guests from
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  Speaker 3: twenty twenty two were doing Lightning Round question and answer format.
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  Speaker 3: Today's guest is somebody who's going to be appearing as
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  Speaker 3: a special special interviewee on the upcoming Happy Family's Hot
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  Speaker 3: Mess Summit. If your family is a bit of a
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  Speaker 3: hot mess, and let's face it, we all are from
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  Speaker 3: time to time, you are going to love this summit.
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  Speaker 3: It's incredible. All the details are at Happy Families dot com,
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  Speaker 3: dot you and on our Facebook page. Please check it out.
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  Speaker 3: Our summits are literally world class and everybody loves what
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  Speaker 3: we've been doing in them. And today's guest is I
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  Speaker 3: think one of the standouts in our upcoming summit. Her
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  Speaker 3: name is the one and only Amanda keller A Madda.
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  Speaker 3: Thanks for joining me on the Happy Families Lightning Round.
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  Speaker 1: Thrilled to be here.
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  Speaker 3: Tell us how many kids you have in how old
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  Speaker 3: they are, Amanda, I have two sons.
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  Speaker 1: Liam is twenty one and Jack is nineteen.
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  Speaker 3: Now a well publicized story that you had these kids
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  Speaker 3: through IVF and it was a very very long process
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  Speaker 3: for you. Do you have a favorite child.
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  Speaker 2: I don't have a favorite child, and if I did,
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  Speaker 2: it probably would wax and weigh and change from day
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  Speaker 2: to day. Liam is very much like my husband. He's
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  Speaker 2: I think, quite linear, clear thinking, droll and dry in
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  Speaker 2: his humor. Jack is probably more like me and up
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  Speaker 2: and down and hilarious, and so I kind of give
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  Speaker 2: in to him. Liam is wanting of nothing. Jack is
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  Speaker 2: wanting of everything. And I remember growing up and never
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  Speaker 2: getting what I wanted so often I'll give in to Jack.
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  Speaker 3: I love your insight that he's like you because you're hilarious.
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  Speaker 3: I love that you own that. That's great. Who do
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  Speaker 3: you love the most? I didn't even think I said that.
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  Speaker 1: That's terrible.
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  Speaker 3: I picked it up. Who you love the most? Your partner,
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  Speaker 3: Harley or your kids?
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  Speaker 2: Different kinds of love probably if a train was coming
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  Speaker 2: out aside, grab the kids. Don't tell Harley.
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  Speaker 3: I love it all right now. This is obviously a
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  Speaker 3: tougher question because of your fertility journey. Ideal number of
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  Speaker 3: kids though, I think two.
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  Speaker 2: I think three means a bigger car. I think two,
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  Speaker 2: and you know, harder holidays, all that kind of stuff.
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  Speaker 1: I think too.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, two is convenient, that's for sure. How do
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  Speaker 3: you rate yourself as a parent, Amanda? Give yourself a
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  Speaker 3: score out of ten.
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  Speaker 1: Overall, I'd say I'd be a seven.
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  Speaker 3: What's something great that your parents did that you've tried
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  Speaker 3: to continue in your parenting.
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  Speaker 2: My mother and I used to laugh at it, and
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  Speaker 2: I used to sort of sneer at it. Mum always
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  Speaker 2: would say, get your piece of paper in the world's
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  Speaker 2: your oyster because she missed out on a university education
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  Speaker 2: and so academic things mattered a lot to her. I
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  Speaker 2: was pushed to study hard at Carlingford High School, my
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  Speaker 2: local public high school, and I did study hard. And
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  Speaker 2: I think I've in a way pushed my children. If
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  Speaker 2: I had a child that wasn't reading, or a child
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  Speaker 2: that didn't do their homework, I'd really struggle with that.
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  Speaker 2: So I think I've taken my mum's love of apostrophes
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  Speaker 2: and punctuation and love of education and try I think
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  Speaker 2: subconsciously or maybe consciously, instilled that in them.
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  Speaker 3: Got a fun question for you, who's the better parent?
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  Speaker 3: You are?
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  Speaker 2: Harley High and I tag team with our parenting. I
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  Speaker 2: was thinking the other day. I was asking him something
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  Speaker 2: about that. I said, do you think I'm too I shouldn't.
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  Speaker 1: Be doing this or this?
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  Speaker 2: I thought, how hard it is for single parents who
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  Speaker 2: don't have anyone to bounce that stuff off. That's really
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  Speaker 2: that would be very hard because I can't tell whether
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  Speaker 2: I'm being too hard or too indulgent or whatever it is.
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  Speaker 2: I have no gauge on that. So he's much more
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  Speaker 2: pragmatic than I am, and he's much more just getting
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  Speaker 2: on with it than I am. I'm sort of full
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  Speaker 2: of bustering at the word, around the details and around
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  Speaker 2: the fluffy bits, whereas he's pretty straightforward. So between the
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  Speaker 2: two of us, Yin and Yang, we make a whole parent.
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  Speaker 3: I love your empathy, and I also love the way
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  Speaker 3: you completely avoided deciding who was better out of you
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  Speaker 3: and Harley ah Me. Okay, what's the hardest thing, Amanda
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  Speaker 3: Keller about being a parent?
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  Speaker 1: I found teaching them to drive one of the hardest things.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, so hard.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, that was terrible, and Harley didn't want to do it,
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  Speaker 2: and I didn't want to do it. But it's made
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  Speaker 2: me a terrible passenger. I used to not care about
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  Speaker 2: being a passenger, and now I'm even in an uber,
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  Speaker 2: I'm jumpy and I'm looking where the curb is. I
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: found that bit really hard. And there's a guy that
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  Speaker 2: a whole lot of my friends were using who would
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  Speaker 2: help them kids get the hours up.
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  Speaker 1: Without you having to do it.
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  Speaker 2: I love the idea of being in a car with
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  Speaker 2: my sons and driving, but when they're learning to drive,
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  Speaker 2: it's not that it's I wasn't calm, I made them stressed.
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  Speaker 1: It was terrible. I think I found that one of
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  Speaker 1: the hardest bits.
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  Speaker 3: I'm a parenting expert. I'm not supposed to get mad
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  Speaker 3: at my kids. I'm supposed to know how to do
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  Speaker 3: all this sort of stuff. But as I've taught my
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  Speaker 3: kids to drive, I've found that my capacity to be
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  Speaker 3: patient and kind when my life is in danger every
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  Speaker 3: fourteen seconds is almost zero. And I've found things coming
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  Speaker 3: out of my mouth that I just don't I don't
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  Speaker 3: say these things. I especially don't say these things about
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  Speaker 3: all to my children, and sure enough I was doing it.
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  Speaker 3: I love your answer on that question. Thank you.
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  Speaker 2: I think I called out, oh you're friggin idiot, and
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  Speaker 2: my own child.
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  Speaker 3: It wasn't someone out the window. It was the beginningside
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  Speaker 3: the car, Amanda. Now that your kids are of age,
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  Speaker 3: if you could spend an hour with your children at
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  Speaker 3: any age, what age would you choose?
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  Speaker 1: And why is it just an hour?
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  Speaker 3: Do you know what? Yes, but we've had other people
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  Speaker 3: who have extended it for a week, let's say a
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  Speaker 3: period of time.
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  Speaker 2: I think only because I'm in the hormonal drop zone
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  Speaker 2: of my children leaving home.
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  Speaker 1: I love.
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  Speaker 2: I have mixed emotions when I see little toddlers at
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  Speaker 2: the beach with their parents, and the toddler reaches up
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  Speaker 2: to hold mum's hand and they're running around with their
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  Speaker 2: little baby voices and they sit on your lap.
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  Speaker 1: I miss that. I just miss it. I think probably
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  Speaker 1: one day of that would be great.
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  Speaker 2: And then one day maybe at ten and eight, where
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  Speaker 2: they're funny and it's easy and you go, oh, we're
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  Speaker 2: in the drop zone. I think ten and eight of
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  Speaker 2: the drop zone. That was brilliant, but it was recently
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  Speaker 2: went to Hamilton Island for holiday and my brother came
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  Speaker 2: over and he took my sons for a beer and
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  Speaker 2: I thought, how great that they're at an age now
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  Speaker 2: where they can be seen as adults. That was a
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  Speaker 2: wonderful thing. And I like us all sitting down around
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  Speaker 2: a table. Now. I'll do anything. I'll book a holiday
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  Speaker 2: to get us away where they know no one else
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  Speaker 2: and the four of us have to sit and have breakfast,
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  Speaker 2: lunch and dinner together. Is my dream. I'll go to
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  Speaker 2: Iraq for a holiday if I get to do that.
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  Speaker 2: So a snippet of them being babies, a snippet of
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  Speaker 2: those charming, hilarious years eight and ten, and a snippet
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  Speaker 2: of now, and if that could make up one day,
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  Speaker 2: that would be my dream.
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  Speaker 3: Well, it's certainly cheating that. I love your answer. What's
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  Speaker 3: the ultimate joy for you as a parent?
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  Speaker 2: For many years, I didn't think anyone would call me mum,
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  Speaker 2: and I still think that, even though they're nineteen and
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  Speaker 2: twenty one. I still sometimes think. I can hear a
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  Speaker 2: key in the door, and I play this game with
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  Speaker 2: myself and I think the person who comes through here
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  Speaker 2: is my child. And I'm still blown away by it.
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  Speaker 2: I'm still blown away by it. So that's something amazing
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  Speaker 2: that I'll never get over.
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  Speaker 3: Well, you got me, you got me weeping? Well done.
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  Speaker 3: What's that thing, Amanda that your parents always said that
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  Speaker 3: you swore you would never say, but it keeps popping
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  Speaker 3: out of your mouth.
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  Speaker 2: Oh there's a few of those, you know. It's not
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  Speaker 2: even a phrase. It's just when I'd go to do
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  Speaker 2: something and Mom would say have you thought about this?
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  Speaker 2: And I'd say, no, I don't want to do that,
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  Speaker 2: or you know, even if it's something as simple as
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  Speaker 2: take a card again, no, God, you might be a
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  Speaker 2: bit cold.
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  Speaker 1: No, I'm not going to do that. You're sure you
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  Speaker 1: won't be cold. And I hated it when Mum did it.
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  Speaker 2: I do it all the time, and even now when
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  Speaker 2: I speak to them if there's something about applying for
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  Speaker 2: a course or something the form they have to fill out.
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  Speaker 2: At the end of every conversation, I almost I have
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: to stitch my mouth closed so I don't nag them
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  Speaker 2: because I hated it happening to me, and I try
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  Speaker 2: so hard not to be that person, but I can't
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  Speaker 2: help myself.
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  Speaker 3: What's the boys favorite thing to do with you?
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  Speaker 1: I obviously favorite thing, but we're at our best.
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  Speaker 2: I think when we're all sitting around a table having
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: a meal, and it's best if it's in a restaurant
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  Speaker 2: so no one can leave and no one can be
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  Speaker 2: on their phones.
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  Speaker 1: Or do any of that.
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  Speaker 2: Where captive if we had to go into witness protection
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  Speaker 2: or something, I'd be quite happy locked in. So that's
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  Speaker 2: my favorite thing to do with them. Theirs to do
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  Speaker 2: with me is maybe when we're sitting around watching a
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  Speaker 2: football match on the telly something like that, or we're
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: watching them play football.
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  Speaker 1: That's where we're at our best.
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  Speaker 2: I think my.
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  Speaker 3: Mum's vision of heaven is all six of her kids
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  Speaker 3: sitting around the dining table sharing a meal, just like
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  Speaker 3: you described.
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  Speaker 1: I often I'm away. I'm going to cry again.
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  Speaker 2: I've got a couple of friends who've had some cancer
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  Speaker 2: battles and they had to do a vision board. And
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  Speaker 2: a friend her children, they were same age as mine.
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  Speaker 2: They are probably only five and six at the time.
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  Speaker 2: Her vision board was watching her boys play rugby and
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  Speaker 2: every she's fine now, but every match I'd stand next
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  Speaker 2: to her watching the game, and I think, no one
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  Speaker 2: here knows what this means to any We all have
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  Speaker 2: our own story of what we think as we're watching
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  Speaker 2: that game and what it means to us and those
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  Speaker 2: you know sitting around the table watching them play football.
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  Speaker 2: The detail of life is small. The big dreams aren't big,
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  Speaker 2: they're small. The carrots we need to dangle for ourselves
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  Speaker 2: are small. And that's where the richness of life is.
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  Speaker 2: It's in the detail. It's you know, that's the stuff.
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  Speaker 3: And thatt it three questions and then this lightning round
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  Speaker 3: wraps up Number one. What are you most looking forward
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  Speaker 3: to as a parent.
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  Speaker 2: The words that want to come out that will come
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  Speaker 2: out are you know, healthy, smart, empathetic. But I just
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  Speaker 2: want that door to open and these fabulous sons walk in.
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  Speaker 2: That's all I want is these fabulous boys that I'm
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: proud of, who love me and I love them and
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  Speaker 2: that's all I require of them.
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  Speaker 3: I love talking to you. I love talking to you.
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  Speaker 1: Made me cry a lot today justin it's not fair.
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  Speaker 3: If you could go back to you as a young mum. Well,
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  Speaker 3: I know you've said you weren't such a young mum
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  Speaker 3: because the IVF thing took so long, but.
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  Speaker 1: One hundred and fifty eight years old, you were.
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  Speaker 3: Still an inexperienced mum. If you could go back to
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: you being so inexperienced and having one of those tough moments,
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: what advice now would you give yourself and hope that
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: you would listen to.
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  Speaker 1: Don't be scared. You're not going to break them.
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  Speaker 2: Sure they may fall down the stairs on your watch,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: but you're not going to break them. And it's going
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: to be okay. You can't stuff this up. You're not
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: going to stuff this up. Don't fear it. Law work
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  Speaker 2: out okay, because I think that's what I felt, that
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: how responsible I was to not stuff them up. But
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: we're all going to stuff them up in some way.
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  Speaker 2: And that's the joy of life. That's why as we're talking,
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: you know, you talk about this with your friends, your family,
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  Speaker 2: how crazy families are. How can you not have that
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: in your own family, Amanda.
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  Speaker 3: Final question, what's been your biggest win as a mum?
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: I don't even know how to answer that. I think
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: my biggest win there was an article recently in the
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Women's Weekly where both my sons gave quotes because you
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: don't know how they perceive you, and I know that
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: I'm loved and I know that they love their family,
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: but they both said such lovely things that when you
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: see it written down, you think, oh, I have done
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: a good job. Who knew that that would have to
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: become from the Women's Weekly. Sometimes you need to see
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: it in a different context. And seeing the written words
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: that they'd taken the time to answer for a journalist
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: and to say those lovely things, it just absolutely meant
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: the world to me.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: This has been such a beautiful lightning round, Amanda. Thank
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: you for making our day loved.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Thank you really.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: Enjoying these lightning rounds. Thank you so much for joining
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: me on the Happy Families Podcast. More great interviews tomorrow.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: In the meantime, I hope you continue to enjoy a
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: break from the school routine. We're going to be back
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: into the final run home at the end of year.
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: From Tuesday, October four. As always, the Happy Families podcast
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: is produced by Justin Rouland from Bridge Media. We so
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: appreciate the great work that Justin does and Craig Bruce,
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: the brain's behind the operation, our executive producer. Thank you, Craig.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: If you want more information about making your family happier,
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: or about the upcoming Happy Families Hot Mess Summit, which
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: I know I've said it before and I don't want
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: to sound like I'm overselling it, but it literally is
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: going to be the best summit that we have ever done.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: Visit us at happy Families dot com, dot you, or
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: check out our Facebook page Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families