Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #186 How do you like them apples!?

Transcript

#186 How do you like them apples!? · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You did a photo dumb on Sunday? Are you Internet
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: eighteen photos? And you're not eighteen?
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: My plan has worked perfectly off.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: You're pretending like you did that on purpose?
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: I did. I was like, do you know why I
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: pretended like I did on There's a picture of Laura
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: in there and not you.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Just for once, just take a photo of it.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: I got to keep you guessing.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Just take a photo I can give me in the shadows.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: I've got a special folder for you with your shirt of.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to two dating dads.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I am Addie J and I.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: it is.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: The bad and the relatable.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: And one thing is for sure.
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: We don't give advice. No, we're talking about parenting. I
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: wreckon quickly before we get into housekeeping. I have hit
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: peak level.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Dad, talk to me. There's a couple of things, big breath.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: There's a couple of things.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Sucked the shirt off my back.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: Yes, there's certain things synonymous with being a dad, and
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: one of them is the sneeze.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Yep ow let me just can I just say I
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: absolutely love a sneeze. Stop myself from sex, isn't it?
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: If I get a good one, a good couple in
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: a row.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Good if you're if your nasals swollen afterwards, that is
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: a fucking good sneeze.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Anyway, let me set the scene. This morning.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: It was today, and I was like, I wasn't expecting
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: this today.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: I wasn't expecting a sneeze. But I'm out Stick with me.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I'm out on.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: The balcony hanging the washing out. What a guy seven
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: am this morning? And it came at me.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Hard and fast.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's good.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: And it was so loud and so click. The neighborhood
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: dogs started to bark, and I at first I thought
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: it was like they all set each other off off
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: the back of the You know when one dog barks
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: in your neighborhood and my dog's in there inside looking
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: at me, going, that's my fucking job.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: What do you think you're doing?
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: Literally, they went off, and April wasn't home, She's already
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: on the way to work, and I just had no
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: one to gloat to.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: So I've been holding that in all day.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: And it's what two o'clock in the afternoon, and I've
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: been holding that to brag to you about my elite
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: level dad.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: In Carl, I was like, really.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: That's the next goal, that's the next level.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I'm jealous, thank you, you'll get there. I actually want
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: to sneeze right now.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: I don't have.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I wish I could. I wish I could, just like
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: on demand.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: It's and it just echoed through the neighborhood.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: Oh it was absolutely And the neighbors are like, fucking
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: hell yeah, They're like, how old is that guy?
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: He's thirty, he's so advanced.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: Wow, my nose hasn't even gotten big like an old
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: man yet, you know how get bigger getting there?
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Shut up, I'm housekeeping ash, Yes, what do we got?
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Poppy? Poppy loves being in the carrier, absolutely loves it.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Not huge, doesn't like the prem at the moment, doesn't
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: really like going in the only at nighttime, the little
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: side bassin.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I want to be rested up against breast as well.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Man. Yeah, don't we all sometimes wis She's with me.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: She's like a seconds so bony, spiky shaved hair. Loves
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: it in the carrier. And at the moment, I'm just
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: clocking up miles, dude, I'm just my step count is
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: through the roof. I put stories up.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: The other day.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: The most I've HiT's like fifteen and a half thousand
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: steps in a day.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: Just being around the house, just like literally just up.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: And down, pacing dude up and down this hallway, up
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: the stairs, down the stairs. She just loves a little bit.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Of a nose like squats.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I haven't got onto the squats just yet.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: My quads were massive, when I was like, a, is
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: that how you got them so big?
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: That's at the pistons. Yeah, you should make these babies.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Put kids to sleep well.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I put a call out and said, is anyone hitting
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: like twenty thousand a day? And we do have someone here,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Sarah Facebook group twenty thousand a day, Rebecca twenty six thousand.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: What what's the high step? Can't you reckon? You've had
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: him one day?
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'd love to find out. I was
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: a little bit a little bit disheartened when all the
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: like the professionals started coming out and being like their
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: amateur numbers.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when I'm.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Working a twelve hour shift saving lives in a hospital
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: wards son, I was like, they're there, true.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Heroes, your highest What do you any real doctors reach
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: out about that?
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Not yet? Now the rural doctors very quiet, actually rural
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: doctor's working on a farm. They'd be hit like fifty thousand.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Now they'd be like patients, come to me.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Shout out to all the rural medical staff of this country.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Backbone of this the heroes slash slash bets.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: They're the same thing, same thing, same qualification, your high
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: step out. I used to work in a factory another job.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Of course you fucking did.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it was it was a really dated way
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: of doing things.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: We did.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: What were you housing in the wear fah surfboard fins?
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: Sure, mate, I would be thirty five thousand steps a day,
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: five days a week.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Is that when you were with Jacked? Was that your
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: incidental cardio? We are you quite skinny?
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: Nah?
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: That was the peak of my alcoholism, trying to walk
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: it off every day. No, it was in the middle
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: of COVID.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we should like have a moment
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: about reflecting on.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: My peak alcoholism. Yeah, I'm actually twenty one. No, it
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: was during COVID, in between real jobs. Best job I
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: ever had other than this one, of course safe.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: But yeah.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: I used to go up and back, up and back
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: all day.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: And it was like we get home and I was
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: wrecked and then I really were, but I wasn't counting,
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: that wasn't actively counting them.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: But it was like check your heart thing on your phone,
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: you know that heart act.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: And I was like shit.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: After five days, I was like I don't even know
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: the mask for the marathon. Literally, I was like, no,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: when I'm going to bed at like five thirty in
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: the afternoon, you.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Can't put the fact that you're like bounce your kids
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: around to growing your pistons. It was the FCS warehouse
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: that was the foundation of the pistols.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: No, that was after Oscar, but before Macy. I wouldn't have.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: Been able to do those steps without Oscar. So I
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: would like to thank my child. Yeah, sleepless nights and
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: massive What do what.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Do you go at the moment?
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Cordzilla?
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: What do you go at the moment?
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: What's your step count today? And I've been sitting in
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: this chair since I got here yesterday. Where you at yesterday?
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: You reckond not march.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be honest, look a little looxie steps fella,
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: what was yesterday six thousand, eight thousand?
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Pathetic?
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's pretty bad. Do you know what's the least
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: amount of I know that too, go on, I was
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: in Santorini. Fifty steps not even kidding. That is not
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: even a joke. I could if I could go back
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: in time, surely I could find that that.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Must have been one hell of a hangover.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: What may it was? The steps were from the bed
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: to the pool back to the bed. That's it.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Wow, Wow, you're amount of extremes. I know I've got
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: a note here. You said put this in there. Is
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: it a party or not?
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: Yes, okay, I do have something to run by you.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: It's about birthday parties. Okay, kid's birthday parties in particular.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: I'm quite new to the kids' birthday party game, as
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: we know on this podcast.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for anyone who's joining us recently, Ash would hijack
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: other kids' birthday parties. He would like bolt on his
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: kids to that birthday party, which meant he didn't have
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: to organize anything.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: It was the best, especially when I could get their
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: name in this.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: It's all like a virus of the kid's birthday world.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I like lock on to a host birthday.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: I'm thinking about just having more kids so I could
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: do it again. Because it was it was a thrill,
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: That's what it was. I felt like I was can't
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: be illegal?
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Is it trespassing?
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: Well there was a bit of a debate, okay, and
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: obviously it was Macy's birthday last week?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Sorry?
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: What?
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah? What do you know that you knew that?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Did I?
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: Well, I know your kid's birthday? Do you think you know?
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Mine birthday last week? Yeah? Four years old?
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: She is? Did you post about it?
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: Yes? Sorry, don't even apologize.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: I fine, I'm used to being this disappointed. No, anyway,
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: that's not the point. That's not the point, because she'll
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: have another birthday next year and you can make up
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: for it.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Then you'll forget. So it's like, what do you do?
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: What do you do for your kids? Do you have
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: a party or do you not have a party?
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: And the problem here was I gave Macy the options,
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: which is, do you want to have a little party
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: or do you want to do something like go to
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: the zoo or whatever. But that's not the problem. The
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: problem is how you communicate that to your to their
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: friend's parents. So this is where the confusion comes in. Okay,
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: Now I said to my friends who are who have kids,
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: We're going to go to the zoo.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Okay for Macy's birthday. Would you like to come along?
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: That's not a party, that's a birthday party. No, it's not.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: This is a birthday party. Hey, Macy's having a party. Here.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Come. You're invited to a party purely based on the
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: fact that it is around her birthday. Automatically, by default,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: it then qualifies as a birthday because it's an activity
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: outside of the house.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: Okay, but let me ask you this.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: Right if I say I don't use the word party,
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: so that doesn't go to no, no, no, no, no,
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: you're missing the point here.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: So Oscar doesn't go.
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: To school that time with me, because you know what,
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: this is what happened right for another party, which wasn't
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: a party. It was where going to this place? It
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: just happens to be around the time. If everyone wants
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: to come, they can. If not, it's fine, we understand.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Did you have a set time?
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: No, no set time.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: So what you just said, like I'll be at the zoo,
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: come find any of the gorillas.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: No, we just we just said to select people, this
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: is we're gonna do this.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: You surely must have said we'll be there at ten o'clock.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the time was No, it was like where
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: on the way. Boom, that was it? Where on the way?
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Don't really getting that text anyway? You're away? I think
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: you were somewhere anyway.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: But this is my this is my this is my problem,
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: right because there's a couple of different options with kids parties.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: The drop and go yeah, okay, the non drop and go.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Who pays for it?
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: That's a big question.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: This is where I'm at, right, the who pays for
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: it question? Yes, you in the pink.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: What's the ticket to the zoo cost fifty bucks.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: Something like that?
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, that's a lot, right, Yeah, okay, you were
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: trying to not put it under the banner of a
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: party so you didn't have to pay for it.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, Mine was fine. It was another one,
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: another incident from another parent.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Well, were they like, as gonna try and you're gonna
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: get these tickets or so?
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: What happened was right, they said, Hey, to the friend group,
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: we're going to be doing this for Ex's birthday. Yep, Okay,
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: if anyone wants to come, you are more than welcome
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: to join us.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: But what happened was, and this is my point, the
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: kids got hold of this all of a sudden they're
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: at school talking about this person's party, which in their class.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: Obviously all these kids weren't invited because it was just
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: a monkst It's not a party, right, So what happened
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: was the kids are talking about parties and now kids
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: and parents are upset because their kid wasn't invited, when
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: originally it was just the friend group that was told
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: what they're doing for the day and if they were
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: would love to join, they are more than welcome.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: It's an invite to a hangout.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: Do you think I may just retract my earliest statement.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Do you think to qualify for a party it needs
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: to have two key ingredients a birthday cake and a party.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: Bag and an invite, an actual invite?
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Will I will question the invite that's not essential the
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: kid the kids. It's the kids that fucking snitch and
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: get you into trouble.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: This is what's what happened, right, And it got kind
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: of got back to people like for example, the zoo okay,
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: was not going to be paid for by the parents
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: of the kid, because it was just we're going if
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: you want to come.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: But that caused the problem because the kids were calling
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: it a party. So that has been let leave.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: You don't use that tep in front of me.
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: This is what I'm saying to the parents of the
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: world out there, don't use the P word because.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: You're going to get us all in trouble.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: So now after the fat the poor kids going back
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: to school, to other people going you had a party?
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: Do you not like me? And then the parents been like,
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: who's paying for this? And then also, if I'm paying for.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: A party, it's not a drop and go situation because
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: I've fit the bill. If you're paying for the ticket
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: for your kid to come, that's a drop and go
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: because you've paid for the service of me watching your kids.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: That's up for debate. That a minefield for people who
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: don't yet have kids, and maybe listening. This is the
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: type of dilemma that keeps us up at nighttime. This
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: is this is the kind of stuff you've got to
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: try and tack it.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: It needs to be a rule book.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: A rule book, emmanual, somewhere.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: There has to be something, because I feel that everyone
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: who has small kids, they yap, all.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: Right, they talk a lot.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: They yap because they kept talking about someone's party, someone's party,
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, it wasn't a party telling the other kid.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: But what is important to remember, though, is that I
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: wish Macie a very happy belated birth.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: I'll let her know because you are her favorite.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: I wish I knew that story was going to be
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: as long as well.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: Sorry, sorry I was.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: I argue, no, no, it's great, it's great. I just
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: like I've just I've been thrown out of housekeeping?
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: Are we out of it?
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Thanks?
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: So?
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: But we're back in because just really quickly, you told
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: me you got a horse tattoo.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: I did. Yeah, it's a horse's cock.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: No, is it on your back?
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I want to see the horse tattoo. Fucking massive horse.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: So it was going to be I turned up on
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: the mic, big guy, come on.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Sorry sorry.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: I turned up to my tattoo appointment, and I'm very
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: much like there's a lot of trust there with him.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: I've been going to him for like eight years, and
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: I'm like, whatever you do, man. And I got there
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: and he was like, this is what I've got planned
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: my pony.
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: It was three horses my whole lower back. And I
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: was like, I don't know about that. I was like,
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: I'm not prepared for that. I love it, but I'm
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: not prepared.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: I love the energy, but I am not prepared to
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: sit through that agonizing pain.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: How about we got with one horse.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Three black stallions.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: It was I'm saying the bottom of that eagle to
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: my butt crack with wreath around it. It was a beautiful,
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: beautiful drawing beautiful, but it was it wasn't it was
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: too big, so we went with a small horse.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: But anyway, it looks beautiful. Thank you. Just the outline,
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: just really quickly.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: We mentioned there was a seal show that you went
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: to at the zoo. Stephen Seelberg produced it. Because it
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: was very dramatized. There was a mode of music that
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: was like the betting track for this scene. I don't
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: have the name, and I'm so sorry if you submitted this,
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I screenshot it and I screenshot out your name says
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I used to be a marine keeper at Taronga and
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: this is gold. I've told my mates about your request
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: for a future seal name. Also, yes, to build a
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: home makes us all depressed. That was the song that
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: was playing. Unsurprisingly, some guy from Nider. Now, if anyone
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: doesn't know what Nider is, it's like the most esteemed
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: college university to study acting in Australia. They came someone
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: came from Nider and they helped direct the whole thing.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Years ago. He was dot dot dot interesting anyway, point
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: being you guys are hilarious. Thank you. Was in the
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: semi marine keeper friend and hopefully one day we'll proudly
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: be able to claim naming rights.
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: If there is not, there needs to be a seal
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: at Taronga Zoo called STEVENS. Silberg just saying, ah, very good, Matt.
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: You know me and I'm a stickler for breaking news.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: We love it.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: And for social media stats.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Now, oh my god, you send like twelve a day
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: to me at the moment and I love it. It's
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: a lot.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: My algo is just nothing but status.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: Know that we anyway what we got with, like, I
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: don't know what you are? What's your stat of the week?
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: Now? There has been an extensive study.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Okay using heated cart seats is likely to raise scrotal temperature,
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: which may contribute to lower sperm quality.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: Or fertility risk. Wow, okay, I would like to know
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: one thing. Yep, how did they conduct that?
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: It's it's wild, isn't it. How did they Who was
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: getting the funding for this type of research?
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: But it's very important. I feel like it's more of
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: a like it doesn't get cold enough. I've never once
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: used heated car seats delightful. Well yeah, but now it
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: doesn't doesn't matter for me. Now you had to persect me. Absolutely,
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: But for any expecting fathers trying to be a father,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: trying to start a family, lay off the car seat heater.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: But but this is the thing right to me? Does
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: cold not do the same thing?
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: But I thought warming up the testicles would have been beneficial.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Well, you warm up before sport.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought cold just in there, we're.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Do test forg get out there. I thought it was
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: fitting for it's a parenting podcast. If you hear that,
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: what else you got for me?
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Okay? I I had I had something really odd. Experienced
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: the beach. Hard to describe what it felt like. But
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: on Thursday recently, beautiful day, sun was out, weather, it
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: was warm. I'm with Lola. Get down to the beach
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: and in Bondi in the north end there's a little
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: kiddie's pool.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: I'm familiar.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: It's concrete pool. It's like at its deepest, it's like
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: knee deep. It's a good one for the kids. Also
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: it's all concrete, so Lola hates sand. She loves it.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I'm hanging out with Lola. We're having a great time
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: on a Thursday. It's not too busy on a Thursday
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: as well. I had my shirt off. I had the
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: shirt of but you know, weekends heaving shoulder and shoulder. Thursday,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: the crowds are light on and I'm playing with Lola
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: and I'm kind of throwing it in the air and
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: we're having a great time. And I noticed as a
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: guy standing at one end of the kiddie pool, and
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: he's got this camera, pretty solid looking camera, like he
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: knows what he's doing, like he's like a photographer. Well
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: said thank you, and I kind of look over in
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: the corner of my eye and he's pointing the camera
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: towards us, and I was like, ah, it's kind of weird,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: and didn't I thought maybe hate Maybe it's just like,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't know, he's taking photos or something.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: It's some graffiti there. Maybe he's taking photos of that.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: But you know, tried not to.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Were you in a budget smuggler, man? I was in
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: my budget photo.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: But then then I was like, you know, playing with
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Lola again, and I was throwing her up in the air,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: and then as I kind of threw up in the
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: air like he just likes and I look over and
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: again he's pointing the camera towards us, and I was like, nah,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: fuck this, like this is not on. You can't it's
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: a and you.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: Have been aggressive lately.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: And he doesn't have any kid, and not if there's
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: anything wrong with people being in the Kidi Pool area
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: with no kids, but I just thought it was a
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: little bit strange that he's standing there, an older man,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: much older, no child, big camera in hand, taking photos
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: pointing it at my child. Yeah, And I was like, nah,
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: so walk over. I'm like, mate, what do you think
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: you're doing? And he goes, what do you mean? And
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I was like, you can't be taking photos of the
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: kids in here, and he's like, well, I wasn't. And
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: I was like, I saw your pointing the camera. Okay,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: he took photo. He goes, no, I didn't look turn
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: his camera around. He put it on kind of like
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: you can see what he took a photo of. Now,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: I'm not a photographer myself, but I know how to
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: handle a camera. So he showed me the screen to
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: show that it was a photo of like the sky
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: at the horizon, and I grabbed his camera and I
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: scrolled through the photos looking for the evidence. Gosh, no,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: it's all just photos of the sky the horizon, and
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: how did you There's nothing of this one, nothing with
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: my daughter. And I was thinking to myself, I've caught
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: a pedophile.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: And he wasn't even hiding him.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: He's got if he's got a tiny camera and he's
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: like like you know in those old spy movies and
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: they're like.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Of the documents. He's like.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I thought I was. I was about to like thinking
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: to myself, I could I can claim that I've removed
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: a dangerous pedophile from the kiddie.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Pool area, hidden in plain sight.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: But he's just taking photos of the.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: How many people have you confronted them?
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Late? A couple easier. I'm becoming protective back at up
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: a little and I was like, lo, we gotta get
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: out of here, and she's like, what do you mean,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Like we're gone on the beach. She's like, why this
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: is fun here? I was like, we gotta go.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: Oh man, I can see the confusion there.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: But when you were like, he's got a big camera
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: and he's taking photos directly.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: He looks suspect.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: He's not even trying to hide it.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: It's like usually that's like it was a brazen pedophile.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: They try and hide it, and it's like, do you
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: know what, maybe if I make it so obvious, I
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: will be hiding it anyway.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Anyway, No good on you.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: For first of all, anyone wondering the kiddy pool is
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: a safe area.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: The kiddie pool is safe.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: It's kind of sexy that you attacked him like that.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: Don't encourage me talking about sexy. I have accidentally aroused
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: my wife. Go on, and I never knew this was
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: going to happen. Let me sit scened on this one.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Can I just say you and April have a very
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: healthy sex life.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: Currently don't Chin said sorry, so thank you, but it continues.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: This one's a bit of a weird one.
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: Actually, we're in the car, all of us, mom, dad,
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: me being dad, Mum being April, and then my two kids,
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: and we had one apple, a whole apple in the
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: half and Oscar said can I have the apple please?
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: And makes You said can I have the apple please?
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: Now the problem here is there's one apple. Matt, thank
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: you so well aware what I did whilst I was
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: I was behind the wheel, but we were pulled over
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: to the side.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: No knife to cut this apple in half. I ripped
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: the apple into two. Oh wow, right in front of
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: my wife, just a display of.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Like pure strength.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: And she let out a, oh, I have an apple.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I was going to ask, but I didn't want to
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: put you on the spot.
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: I'm going to say it could have been a fluke
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: because I haven't tried this since I don't know.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: I'm sweaty now. You made me nervous.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, what's your technique technique? Because like you've just.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, whoa, I've done it?
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: Wow, just like that. Wow. I didn't think you're going
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: to do it. Who taught you this? No one.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I just went for it.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: It's very good, is it? Did you make that much
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: mess in the car?
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: It was a clean snap and it was so perfect
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: that she let out this noise I haven't heard of.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Was like, and like, what did Macie say?
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: They were very impressed.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: It's the equivalent of killing a bear with your hands
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: and nothing else.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: That's what I did. Anyway, I was shocked that it
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: got to go on. Actually, I'm not shocked at all.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Really, My fingers. I don't thing I could do.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: I strictly only get apples out now like that at home,
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: kids like, can I have an apple?
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I reckon, you could do it with the
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: pumpkin as well.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: I reckon, we should figure out what I can't.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: Use knives anymore. You're just in the kitchen ripping things
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: in half with your hands.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, thing strength. She's a lucky.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Anyway.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: I just thought I let you know that, all right.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Well, look, in contrast to that incredible display of masculinity,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: I've had a moment where I never felt more emasculated.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Than used a lot of energy.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: And you need to refuel.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Bring in the rest of the apple.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I go to your house and your bedroom is just
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: like apple cores scattered all over the floor. A very
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: simple task has really gotten me.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: Oh god.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: You know, we had the fridge. The fridge that we
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: used to have in this house was one that like
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: extra hundred bucks. The guy said, hey, extra unbars, the
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: fridge is yours. You can keep it, very very old fridge.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: And after being in this house for a couple of years,
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: that fridge in particular has finally carved it. I noticed.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: So we got a new fridge, and Laura gave me
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: one strict instruction for that fridge because she loves chilled water,
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: and she goes, whatever fridge you it has to have
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: a connection point for a water dispenser. And I was like, cool,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: got it. Got the fridge very hard as well to
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: find a fridge that fits within the I see you
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: looking over there.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: It's one of life's things where you like, I wanted
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: new fridge. Got to make sure it fits in this
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: hole in my house.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: You don't want it to be too small in the
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: fridge cavity. Anyway, I finally found one that was like
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: close enough, had a water dispenser, and I was like Laura.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: And also because she's breastfeeding, she loves whenever she breastfeeds
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: the last yeah, they get very tisty. She loves the
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: cold water, loves the cold water.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: Maybe she should see me crack an apple. Good things
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: shod know you when I did that.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: And also she requested that it have a nice dispenser,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: just very strict criteria. So I finally get the fridge.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I order it. It's on back order. It's like Laura,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: I got two weeks to wait for the fridge. The
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: fridge arrives set up as included in the delivery. Love
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: that and the guy goes your hose point it doesn't connect. God,
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: he was like, this is this is the connection point
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: and it's too small for I don't know the terms.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: That's what she said. Matt's holding up a golden attachment
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: that looks like the end of it.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Don't make me sound rich. Matt's holding a diamond encrusted
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: it's it's made out of seafood.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: Marnara.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: This is the old one. Oh yeah, old connection point
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: for the water tap. This one's silver, right, that's the size,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: that's the diameter. As the poor person, it's too small,
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: I see. Yeah. He goes go to Bunnings asking for
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: that one. There the gold little head in the larger
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: size of the old one that connected up. Because if
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: you imagine, like you know, where you connect the hose
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: to like the tap outside, that's essentially what I'm trying
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: to do, connect up a water tap. Okay, yeah, I'm
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: just this is how much I'm shrugging to describe. And
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: this is this is someone who's been talking about this
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: and learning about this for a couple of weeks. Now,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: go to Bunnings the guys like what the fuck are
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: you talking about? And I was like, I me have
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: this and this. I'm like okay, man, and he's like,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: what are you talking about? I fucking have no idea.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: And I was like help me and he's like I
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: overgoing to Aisle sixteen and trying to figure it out.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck, go there. I can't find it. So
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I go to a plumbing store. It's like called plumbing.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Cod's all the plumbers go.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: They should know.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: I go there, Okay, they sell nothing but plumbing gear,
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: all right, And I go in there with my two
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: little bits.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: When you were walking in, they were like, here we go.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: And then Laura is also like, I'm so fasty. That's
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: been tricking nothing but it's awful. Just clean auter room temperature, please.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: And I was like, don't worry, honey, Tomorrow, I'm gonna
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: go the plumbing store. I'm gonna sort this out. I
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: go in there. No one's in the store, which is great.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: I go to the guy behind the desk and I'm like,
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: hey man, I've got a problem. I'm trying to connect
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: this guy into this guy and he's like, what format
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: was for the fridge? For the water dispensing. He's okay,
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: and then as I'm trying to explain, a plumber comes
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: in behind me, steel cat boots, khaki shorts, covered in dirt,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, look, give him my shoulder and I'm like, fuck,
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: it's embarrassing someone I've got. And he's like, oh, you've
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: you've got. You're trying to find a nip for the
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: for the threadhead and I was like, oh fuck, oh
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: my god.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: They're like, they're like, you're trying to find the black
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: and white paint.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: A long wait. So then he gave me this. Oh well,
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: gave me the nip head.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, all right, now we're talking.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, you know the same size?
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yep.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Fucking hell though, mate, will that not go in? Now? Well,
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: think about these heads, Okay, these brass connectors. You need
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: to have a rubber ring, an oh ring.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: To make it seal it up. Take the one out
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: of there.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: It doesn't come out. You can't. Metal on metal doesn't
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: make a seal. So I I connected up, water goes everywhere.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: Laura is like, you actually did it and it didn't work.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: There's no seal.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: No o ring. So I've been watching videos about fucking
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: O rings now, and I've got to go back to
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: the plumbing store. I've been back there three times.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: The saga, this is a saga. Here's a look here.
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: I tell you right now, you could get an O
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: ring for that pretty quickly, you know I can. Is
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: this a handyman podcast? It's like help Matt out everything.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: It's like, I've got to go back in there and
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: tail between your legs.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: But I now, I've been watching videos and O rings
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: and also plumber's tape as well. I'm pretty much a plumber.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: You are not far off it. Let's upset the plumb
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: as well. We're at it.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: You're not far off being a plumber. They should have
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: and I'm going to throw them under the bus a
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: little bit here.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: He should have given me the O ring and the
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: plumber's tape.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: They should have he's not listening. You better go in
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: before this comes out.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Like why he fucking set me up?
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he set me up.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: He sold me this.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: They know what they're doing on me.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: The brass connecting nip.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: We used to mess with people all the time when
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: they come into the timberyard asking technical questions.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: That's what they've done here. They've messed with you.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: He was also just he knew what I wanted, and
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: he was like, I don't know what you mean.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: They're messing with you.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: He's fucking with me. Absolutely, he played me like a fiddle.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: So did you just give up and buy a water jug?
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Because I saw.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Went came. I got a water jug and off and
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I was like, why I've been trying to fix this
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: for two weeks now, that's taken way too long. I'd
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: slept properly at night, and I'm tossing and turning a.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Bit about the ring.
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: What you should do is buy a pack of O rings.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: Then you'll always have them. Think about that the next
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: fridge or next plumbing problem.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: You're like, don't worry, BABEA.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Is like, what are you watching? Fucking watching an instructional
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: video on O rings and how they make a direct
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: seal when connecting water systems.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: Fuck, what's your algorithm? Like? Now?
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Weird? Oh my god?
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: Do you wouldn't need me to go over there with
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: an apple and show you how strong we are?
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Please?
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we come as a package tale. This is how
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: strong we are.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Bloody trades, ah, God, making us regular dads feel like
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: we're pathetic.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: I always think they're better than us. It's time for
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: a festive segment.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: That's right, Christmas Fails.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: Each week we ask the good listeners of this podcast,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: the Dodors, to send in their worst, most memorable Christmas fails.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: And it's all thanks to Aldi.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what's this guy here? By the way, what are
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: the little shortbreads?
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Have one go on? It's Christmas? Aldi? Good different?
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Now shall we bloody delicious?
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: You can start with this top one here that looks good.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: I'm going to have one while you're reading this. I'm
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: going one with the chocolate feet.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: They are good, They're unbelievable.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: Are they different? Good? Different? Some would say, shut up.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: This is from Abby, and she says, my family and
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: I used to go away six hours up the North
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: coast with another family at Christmas every time of the year. Lovely,
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: that is nice.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: That's a little tradition. That's what that is.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: I'd call it.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: Wait for it to fail.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: My dad had the task of packing the Christmas presents
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: for us to open on Christmas Day. Okay, see where
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: this is going. Christmas morning rolls around, my brothers and
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I see the other kids open their presents. Dot dot
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: dot Oh none for us, sad music. My god, Dad forgot,
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: didn't he? Oh dad? Mom told us that Santah couldn't
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: find where we were staying, so left them at home
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: for us. Very nice, save Mom. A few years later,
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: my parents divorce. I'm I'm so sorry, Oh my god,
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: don't tell me the reason was.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: Don't tell me.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: The reason was she never got over the Christmas that
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: was not.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, my face is hot.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: I'm both I both feel sorry for them.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: And then the divorce really made.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, that really hit me. And so the
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: parents got a divorce and the truth came out and
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: we never went away for Christmas ever.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: Again that we did ask for that sort of staff.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: It's great that we can laugh about the trauma. But
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: I hope that Abby's laughing.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: I'd be laughing.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: I hope you didn't send that with tears in her
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: eyes and the.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: Sad music still playing, and we're like, ah, wow, that's
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: a classic man move.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: That one I reckon. All right, man, I've got one
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: for you please. This one's from Shannon. Thank you Shannon.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: When we first moved into our new house, my husband
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: was beyond excited to see how festive the neighborhood was
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: getting in October. Wow, okay, we'll say it's late October.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Keen to join in on the fun.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: We headed straight to the hardware store and came home
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: with an entire kit and kaboodle lights, decorations, the works.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Love that.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: A few days later we proudly switched everything on, flashing gingerbread.
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: Man with waving arms and all, only to realize the
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: rest of the neighborhood wasn't celebrating Christmas at all.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: They were celebrating Duwali, the Indian festival of lights.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: So while everyone else had elegant strings of gold lights,
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: we had our over the top Christmas display twinkling away.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: Front and center. To this day, I still give him
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: grief about our Dwali gingerbread extravaganza. Now I have just
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: a follow up from that, really quickly from Shannon. She
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: messaged me, which is a great story, and she went
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: on to say, he's going to kill me if this
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: gets on the podcast. His name is Jay. Make sure
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: you say his actual name, Jay.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: She said.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: This is going back a few years ago, but I've
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: never let him forget it. I love that. Good on you,
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: Jay for having a crack at it.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: From Holiday, I mean October. He's like, Wow, this neighborhood,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: they're keen. It's from I Come on, what's he gonna do?
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: But honkah, all right, this one, it's anonymous awkward Christmas
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: story for you. Thank you very much, he says, here,
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: please keep anonymous. Christmas got awkward with my recently divorced uncle.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: Oh god, it's always the uncle.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: If his name's Alan Rickman, imagine.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: Being the uncle and being like, fuck, now I'm divorced,
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: and now I've got to become an alcoholic.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: And go to Christmas and be creepy. It's just part
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: of it.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: So the recently divorced uncle came to Christmas with his
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: new girlfriend. Oh god, who was brother's ex wife? Is
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: this Jerry Springer? Oh my god? Actually ended up getting
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: married and made every Christmas gathering so awkward. So my
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: cousin's uncle is now his stepdad and his mom is
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: also his auntie. Oh my god. If only there were
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: cameras to capture everyone's face that day. There are millions
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: of people in this world. Why pick a relative's ex
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: partner to be your new.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: Partner and take him to Christmas? Oh god, I just
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: off the back of that real quick.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: We had an awkward, not similar situation, but a situation
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: kind of like that.
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: That's just jogged my memory. My auntie, she will remain nameless.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: She brought her new boyfriend to Christmas once and he
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: was a bikey full blind And what happened was they
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: turned up on the motorbike. No pretty much looked like
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: Danny and Sandy from Greece. But he's covered in tats,
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: missing a few teeth, and it was just like.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: It's Christmas, we don't discriminate. Everyone's welcome.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: He was a statement piece.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: Anyway, he got really pissed, try to fight you, fell
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: asleep on the couch and that was that.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: And that's why I love Christmas because it brings people together.
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: It just brings everyone together.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: A huge thanks to those three stunning stories. Also thanks
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: to Aldi for making this segment possible. Remember Ash, go on,
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: it's Christmas, treat yourself, have another bikie.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: Thank you Audi.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: Good different And if you've got an awkward uncle recently divorced, divorced,
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: we want to hear from you. No, you've got any
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: Christmas fails, chaos fails, drama, This one a lot of
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: drama in.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: This a little bit of Christmas drama. I love a
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: bit of gossip Christmas any affairs, Senator, Yeah, you.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: Can email us, you can DMUs, you do whatever you
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: like at two Doting Dad's Instagram, TikTok wherever, or hello
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: at two Doting dads dot com.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: I can't wait for what we get next week.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: I know they're getting better.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: Ash. We have a couple of questions here, and this
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: is one, which is it's been sitting in the comment
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: section of a video that I posted a couple of
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: weeks ago. It was when I had the letter from
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: Marley and I referred to Marley as being my best friend.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: Now a lady has written on that video that you
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: cannot be best friends with your child.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: Well that's going to upset my child, isn't it.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: And I thought to myself, Hang on a second, is
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: it a case of I'm not actually best friends with
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: my children? And I think I am. I'm just throwing
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: that term out like it's willy nilly.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Is it for them or is it for you?
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: Though that term I would say, I like. I genuinely
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: I thought about it, and I honestly believe two things. Firstly,
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: I think I am best friends with my children. I
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: hang out with them more than anybody else in this world.
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: Somewhat offended, but okay, yep, well I didn't even.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: Get invited to your bloody non party zoo trips, so
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: you forgot. Since that happened, you've been off the.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Best friend list for the last forty minutes.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: And I do think you can be best friends with
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: someone and still pull them into line and discipline them,
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: even though there is.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: Like a you do pull me into line and discipline
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: me all the time?
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah? Because I love you?
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: Thank you? Look, I agree with I love you, thank you.
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: I love you too.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I do agree with you beg for it.
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I wanted to do the same more than once.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: That's why you're like the fucking plum guy. What are
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: you trying to say? What are you trying to say?
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: You love me?
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure this guy.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: I would say that. We always say in my house
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: that we're all best friends.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: Why not?
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: I love that kids love that?
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: Are they trying to say, and I'm trying to dissect
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: this here. Are they trying to say you can't be
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: best friends? Because how can you be a disciplinary figure
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: and also be a best friend? And I think that
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: I think it's a fair argument to have that, but
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: there has got to be an outcoming, is it isn't?
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: There are many times when I'm playing with my kids
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: where it's a sharp change of gears. My girls love
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: to wrestle, they love it, but every now and then
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: they'll like kick me in the head, and I've.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: Got to quickly go take you back.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: Listen, we don't kick each other, and you have to
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: like quickly. You're the disciplinarian, you be that figure. Then
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: you go back into playing. And it's the role of
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: the parent that I think you can be. In one breath,
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: you're telling them how to behave, and the next you're
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: on their level playing with them.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: Friends fired, right, But also, let's say this. If your
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: kid asks you, daddy, am I your best friend? No
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: one on earth is saying no.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I hope not.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: You would mate, I tell you right.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: Now, we're very close, billy, but I wouldn't say best friends.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you are right, I wouldn't go that far.
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: Look, your mother says you're all right, so I guess
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: we'll blame whatever desperate.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: But like this guy, why are you so needy, Susan?
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: This guy whose four year old fucking lose off. But
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: that's what I mean.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: Like that comment is real simple. Okay.
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: So if you were to take that comment as gospel, right,
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: and you went and go, Okay, I'm going to put
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: that into practice.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: And then you go to Marley and go, guess what, Marley,
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: You're not my best friend? How do you think that
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: would make Marley feel? That's not right?
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: And even can I just say one thing, Let's say
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: Heaven forbid that we're wrong.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: Let's let's just allow people to live that dream. If
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: you want to be best friends of your kid, go
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: for people are saying I'm best friends with my kid,
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: in what world does saying well, not, that's not true
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: because technically you're not actually best friends because of this reason,
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: How is that going to benefit anyone?
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: If you honestly believe that Marley is better friend and
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: the answer to this question is that she's your best.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: Friend, there is there is bright Wicks, very very good,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: very simple, very good, very simple to thank you.
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: I have a question for you, Matt. But it does
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: come with a warning for the parents who are listening
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: to this right now, happy to be in the car
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: with their children, there are.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: Many parents who do you listen to do doting dads
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: with the kids in the car.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: That level is swearing. Whoop, sorry about that.
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: You're all my best friends. We are talking about the
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: man in red real quick. So turn it down, come
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: back to it later or if whatever. Anyway, good flag,
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: This is from Hayley from the Facebook group, which is thriving.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: I would say it's overgrowing.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: We're gonna have to call some Does Santa buy the
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: big presence? He doesn't really buy anything.
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: Does Santa buy the big presence for your kids and
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: you get all the other little ones or vice versa.
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: And just as an example here Amy also in the
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: Facebook group.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: Well, she would have to be to see it and
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: respond to it.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: We don't let Santa take the credit for the big
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: expensive stuff.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good question. This is the first year
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to pay really close attention to writing
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: on the little cards on gift saying who's it from?
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: Is it from Nana? Is it from Mom? Is it
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: from Dad? Is it from Santa? Because Marley is a
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: bit like she's asking for things and she's like, but
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: I'm asking for someone that's in the store, so obviously
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: that wasn't made by the Elves and Santa, right, they
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: make a life for like that's sometimes I've said that
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: they can replicate. They replicate what's in the toy store.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: The trademark issues, but they replicate.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: But I'm not sure. I don't have the answer to
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: this question. How do you do it?
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: I group it all in with Santa, really, because my
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: kids don't respect me all my money. Man. I had
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: that loaded up real quick, didn't I. Anyway, Yeah, I look,
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: I always say if I really want to find out
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: what they want to.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: Like yesterday I said to Oscar, I was like, hey,
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: big guy, if Santa was to get you hypothetically.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: Hypothetically and I can't guarantee it and adjustable basketball hoop
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: so that we could play, would you be into this?
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: Would you be into that? And if it came a
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: little bit early, because I want to get on get
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: on with it now.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: And he was a basketball let's play.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's already been No, he was like, he was like, oh,
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: you ask him real nasales. I want one of those.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: So I'm just sticking with the overarch.
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: The over arch that he there's no I'm getting a
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: little stuff because I get him stuff all the time.
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: I got him leg up yesterday and it's like, well
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: if if I can just say it's the one guy, and.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: It just avoids any confusion because if he's like who
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: gave it to me? I'm like, what does it sound
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: the card? He's like Santa, but it's in your handwriting,
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: like he's.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Good, very bloody good kid. Well, Marley's even starting to
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: question the sunders that are dressed up, like is that yeah?
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: That? Do you know?
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: There's the Telstra you can call Santa? Yeah? Yeah, and
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: obviously all Ai and it's the same message. She's like,
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: I want to call him again. And she's like, that's
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: so weird. We just had the exact same conversation that
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: we just had before, and I'm like, we let's get
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: the out.
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: We should go to a different PNEs.
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: This was playing enough and I've said it before with
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: this whole sound little bit of apple coming up, that
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: was an apple burd It was delightful.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: Looking to the right, there's like twelve discarded apples that
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: are going brown. What does Ash want? Just apples?
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Just bits of apples handwritten? What I will say about
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: the whole Big Man in Red is that. I don't
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: like the encouragement of a breaking enter. It's like a
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: reverse breaking enter because he's breaking in to give you
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: give your ship.
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: It's very confused, so they're going to be real confused
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: when someone actually breaks and enters and takes something.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: But if people feel strongly, please jump in the Facebook
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: group give us your thoughts.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. Yeah, Ash, we better get out
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: of it Brown, you know what that means.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: It's done to go.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: Eat it.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed this episode, please send it to a
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: friend anyone out there. You know, we we honestly love
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: getting new listeners and we think people would find it
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: funny if you would also give us a review, a
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: few comments, a couple of stars, Spotify or app a podcast,
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: that'd be great. Ash the social media.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: TikTok Instagram Facebook group, which again Thrippy.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: People still don't know the full episodes are on YouTube,
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: but they are. We host about it every single You.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: Want to see me just break apples for an hour straight.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: We're welcome. Actually, there we go.
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: There's going to be influx of pregnancies off the back
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: of these episodes. The mums go, who, yeah, there's all
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: pregnant Moms and You Best Friends.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads. Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: peoples today.
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.