Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #833 Teenage Dirtbag

Transcript

#833 Teenage Dirtbag · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, No, I do need to come clean in the
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: podcast and let you know that even though oh I
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: was yeah, I am going to share a couple of
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: dumb stories about my teenage years. I was the teenage
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: boy that you really hoped that you wouldn't have.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: and dad.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: So we don't normally start our Happy Families podcast with
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: a sing along, but I've got a feeling.
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  Speaker 3: I'm just a teen age dad back feeback.
• 0:39
  Speaker 4: This is teenage do bag by wadness.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: And I don't know if we're allowed to play it
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: or not, but guess what we just did. We just
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: did And tonight on the I was gonna say on
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: a Happy Family podcast, this is the Happy Family's podcast
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: tonight as a freebie, a free webinar. Because our Happy
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Families and members do so much to support the work
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: that we're doing, We're doing a free webinar about.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: Raising I don't know. I don't want to offend anyone.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: I don't want you to think that you have to
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: have a teenage dirt bag kid to come to the
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: webinar if you're raising teens and every now and again
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: you think, oh my goodness, what am I doing here.
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  Speaker 2: It's a bit of a flashback to the nineties as well,
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: because I was a teenager through the late eighties early nineties,
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  Speaker 2: and we're flashing back. So it's going to be so
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  Speaker 2: much fun. If you have not been on our Facebook
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: page or been getting our newsletters, this is your last
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: chance to get on board with this thing. All the
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: details are on our Facebook page or at happy families
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: dot com dot are you teenage dirt Bag Free webinar tonight?
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: Going back to the nineties, man, it's the nineties. It's
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  Speaker 4: hammer time.
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  Speaker 2: We've got to tap into our own empathy about what
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  Speaker 2: we were like when we were teenagers so that we
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  Speaker 2: can remember how we're supposed to, what we wanted, so
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  Speaker 2: that we can be that for our teenagers, because they
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  Speaker 2: need us to be awesome, because being a teenager is confusing.
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  Speaker 4: It's hard. It's hard, but I love the way you
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  Speaker 4: belted that out. By the way that was power.
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  Speaker 2: I felt like I needed to adjust your levels and
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  Speaker 2: pull them right back. I hope that we didn't distort
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  Speaker 2: anyone's speakers.
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  Speaker 3: Well, with teenagers. There is so much to talk about.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: You could delve into learning to drive, friends, time management, alcohol,
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  Speaker 3: letting go, learning to let go, sex, education, discipline, what
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  Speaker 3: do they do after school? Like where are we going
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  Speaker 3: with it?
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  Speaker 2: Just their ability to organize themselves, like seriously. So in
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: tonight's webinar, it's a short one, it's about thirty minutes,
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: and we could talk about all that sort of stuff.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to pick on three things in the
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: webinar tonight. I'll be talking about attitudes and emotions, because
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: you know how they have such big attitudes and they
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: also have such big emotions.
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  Speaker 4: Talk about that. We're also going to talk.
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  Speaker 2: About motivation, like how do you actually help your kids
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  Speaker 2: to have some level of motivation, especially for the stuff
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: that you know is important that they don't think is important.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking of school and the dumb things. We're going
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: to talk about that as well, because the reality is
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  Speaker 2: that there is a group of teenagers who love to
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  Speaker 2: engage in risky behavior. They do dumb things, not always
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  Speaker 2: super risky, like the time when I tried to drink
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  Speaker 2: four liters of milk in an hour with a bunch
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  Speaker 2: of my friends. That was a dumb thing. That was
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  Speaker 2: a risky behavior, so I did.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Didn't see a reel the other day, a real we're
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  Speaker 3: a teenage girl. It was a girl.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: You know how you're supposed to be able to put
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: like a mentos into a bottle of coke.
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  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and apparently it goes on fuzzy or something. Yeah, Well,
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  Speaker 4: she dropped.
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  Speaker 3: It in and then put it in her mouth and
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  Speaker 3: it literally came out her nose.
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  Speaker 4: Insane.
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  Speaker 3: The whole time, I'm thinking.
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  Speaker 2: Why, oh I was. I was going to say, do
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: you want to do that this weekend? But I guess
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  Speaker 2: you don't. That'd be a fun date. We could do
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  Speaker 2: that for date night. Let's take photos videos.
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  Speaker 3: Why do our teenagers' brains take them there?
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  Speaker 2: One major reason reward, The promise of reward overrides any
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  Speaker 2: risks that are in the environment. Our teenagers, many of them,
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  Speaker 2: are so wired for reward that they just have to
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  Speaker 2: do that thing because of the promise of how good
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  Speaker 2: it's going to be. They're going to be socially accepted,
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  Speaker 2: They're going to look like the big man or the
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  Speaker 2: awesome girl.
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  Speaker 4: They're going to the awesome girl.
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  Speaker 3: With foam literally coming out her nostrils.
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  Speaker 2: Do you know how much cultural cachet you get from that,
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  Speaker 2: the social capital that comes from that. I mean, it's massive.
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  Speaker 2: And this is why boys jump off the roof into
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  Speaker 2: the pool, for example, because everyone's like, no way, you're
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  Speaker 2: so brave, that's right, So they get the reward. And
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  Speaker 2: here's the interesting thing. They're capable of identifying the risk.
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  Speaker 2: If you were to sit down with them in the
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  Speaker 2: cold light of day and say, hey, look at how
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  Speaker 2: high the roof is, look at where the pool is.
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  Speaker 2: Tell me what are the chances, how likely is it,
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  Speaker 2: how smart is it, they can tell you all the
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  Speaker 2: reasons why it's safe.
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  Speaker 3: They also think they're invincible. It's never going to happen
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  Speaker 3: to them.
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  Speaker 4: That's part of it, but not exactly.
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  Speaker 2: They in the cold light of day, they will recognize
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  Speaker 2: that there could be risks and they will acknowledge, but
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  Speaker 2: there's so much wrapped up in saying no once those
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  Speaker 2: emotions are hot. Perfect example of this is the morning
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  Speaker 2: that I was driving out to Terical Point because there
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: was a five to six meter swell. So I'm growing
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: up on the New South Wales central coast. I'm a
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  Speaker 2: mad keen surfer. I've got my driver's license. All of
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: the boys and I we've been watching the swell. We
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: knew the surf was going to be huge, and we
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  Speaker 2: teeter it up. Everyone stayed at my house that night
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  Speaker 2: because I was the closest to the beach. I was
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  Speaker 2: only about a ten minute drive to the beach, and
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  Speaker 2: that morning we were up at first light, in fact
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: before first light, driving to the beach. And as we
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  Speaker 2: came around the roundabout on the corner of Ocean View
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  Speaker 2: Drive and Terrrigle Drive, you can see across Terrygle Lagoon
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  Speaker 2: to the Skillion to Terrigle Point the haven. And I
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  Speaker 2: just saw this in normal I was in the front car.
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  Speaker 2: I was driving the front car with two mates and
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  Speaker 2: in the car behind we had another three.
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  Speaker 4: Of us surfboards on the roof. Saw this wave come through.
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  Speaker 2: It's about a killing me, to kill me and a half
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  Speaker 2: away from where we are to where the waves are breaking,
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  Speaker 2: And it was without question, the biggest wave I had
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  Speaker 2: ever seen in my life to that date, live in person.
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  Speaker 2: And I thought in my heart, I'm going to die today.
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  Speaker 3: But you still went out, didn't you.
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  Speaker 2: Well before we even talked about going out. As soon
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  Speaker 2: as I saw that wave, and had that feeling in
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  Speaker 2: my heart that today was the day I dreamed. I
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: wound down the window and I went whooho, and I
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  Speaker 2: had my fist pumping out the window, and I'm screaming
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  Speaker 2: in the car, and the two guys next to me
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  Speaker 2: are also going whooo.
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  Speaker 4: This is gonna be awesome.
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  Speaker 2: And we drove up the hill and throw Terry gull
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  Speaker 2: and around the corner to the haven, and we got
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  Speaker 2: out of the car and I was waiting for one
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  Speaker 2: of the six of us to say, guys, it's actually
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  Speaker 2: really big. Why don't we just watch today? But as
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  Speaker 2: if anyone was going to say that, because the reward,
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  Speaker 2: the promise of what it looks like, if you can
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  Speaker 2: say I was at terryble point that day, it's just
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  Speaker 2: too great.
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  Speaker 4: We didn't back out.
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  Speaker 2: And the research actually shows that when your friends are
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: involved in it, you're even more likely to keep on
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  Speaker 2: pushing ahead in spite of everything in your body that
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  Speaker 2: is saying no, don't do it.
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  Speaker 1: Now.
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  Speaker 2: If I sat down and had a conversation with you
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  Speaker 2: or with my dad and we were looking at the surf,
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  Speaker 2: I would have come to the conclusion pretty quickly this
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  Speaker 2: is a bad idea. This is a day where people
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  Speaker 2: who were inexperienced and young and not that strong. This
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  Speaker 2: is one of those days where they could very well drown,
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  Speaker 2: but there was the momentum. And how do you say
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  Speaker 2: no when five of your mates are all in?
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  Speaker 3: Are you going to actually share with parents how they
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  Speaker 3: get their kids to get to a point where they
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  Speaker 3: can say.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm going to do my very best.
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  Speaker 2: Certainly that's the intention, because we want our kids to
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  Speaker 2: not take those risks.
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  Speaker 3: There's this notion of being courageous. Yes, like if this
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  Speaker 3: is a stupid thing to do, stand up, don't go
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  Speaker 3: down that road.
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  Speaker 4: It's really tricky.
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  Speaker 2: We've also got to take into account things like what
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  Speaker 2: it is to be masculine, what it is to be feminine,
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  Speaker 2: what society expects of us. I mean, you could say
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: the same thing about war, and yet there is something
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: about it where, whether you like it or not, there
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: are some people who are driven drawn into those kinds
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  Speaker 2: of situations because of what they get to say about
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: themselves and what others get to say about them because
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  Speaker 2: of their courage. And how grateful are we that there
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  Speaker 2: are people who have been so courageous over the years
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  Speaker 2: and have given so much for us to live in
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  Speaker 2: the country and to live the lives that we live today. Anyway,
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  Speaker 2: that's a tangent. What matters most is that we're to
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: talk about kids in their motivation. We're going to talk
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: about kids and they're not so healthy choices, and we're
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: going to talk about kids and the big emotions that
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: they have. Our teenage is what's going on?
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: Teenage?
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Do it Bag. It's all happening tonight and it's free now.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: I do need to come clean in the podcast and
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: let you know that even though oh I was, I
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: am going to share a couple of dumb stories about
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: my teenage years. I was the teenage boy that you
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: really hoped that you wouldn't have. But we're doing it
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: as a free webinar because I want everyone to know
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: about it. We've got a teenage kid summit coming up.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: The summit is called the Smells Like Teen Spirit Summit.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: Remember Nirvana Smells Like Teen Spirit nineties flashback again And
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: in a couple of weeks time, we're doing I think
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: one of the most inb No, in fact, I don't
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: think I know the most incredible happy family summit that
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: we have ever done. It may be our last one.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: The smells like teen spirit. Summitt have listened to who
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: we've got. We've got the incredible Julie Lithcott Haymes. She's
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: that Stanford missions officer who wrote the New York Times
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: bestseller How to Raise an Adult. She's going to be
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: joining us. Incredible speaker and so much fabulous knowledge. We're
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: going to be talking to literally the world's most expert
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: adolescent researcher. There is nobody on the planet who has
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: a higher reputation than Professor Lawrence Steinberg. If you have
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: a look behind you on the bookshelf there, you can
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: see the green book laying on top, Lawrence Steinberg Adolescence.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: That is the literally the book. That is the textbook.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: I was about to say, it looks like a textbook.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: It looks heavy, Judy. He has literally written the world's
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: best textbook for university on adolescence. Laurence Steinberg's going to
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: be joining us talking all about.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: How do you do this? How do you how do
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: you find these people and actually convince them to talk
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: to you?
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: Do you know how I do it?
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: I reach out to people who care so much about
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: what they write about and talk about, and I give
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: them an opportunity to talk to me about it, because
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: this is what this is what I live for, and
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: this is what they live for. And when you meet
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: somebody who just wants to talk to you about that
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: thing that matters so much, you say yes.
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: And they're incredible people.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: So we've got Julie Liffcott Haymes, We've got Professor Lawrence Steinberg.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: I've got doctor Bettina Honan. She wrote a book called
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Understanding the Teenage Brain. And we're going to talk specifically
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: with her about the complications related with neurodiversity in teenagers
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: so ADHD and autism in particular.
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: We're going to be speaking with Professor Gene Twangy.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: She's the one who wrote the book I Jen She
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: was the one who wrote that article called have Smartphones
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: Destroyed a Generation? She's one of the world's leaders when
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: it comes to what is going on with teens and
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: social media. Leonard Sachs he wrote a book called Boys Adrift,
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: So he's going to talk about the decline of boys
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: and young men and what we can do to help
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: out boys. Oh, Rebecca Sparrow talk about teen friendships.
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: We're going to be speaking with Josh Shipp. He's the
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: number one youth speaker in the United States. We've also
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: got Karen Young. She's great from Hey Sigmund talking all
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: about helping your team with anxiety Amy Morn Thirteen Things
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Strong Kids Do. She's written a whole lot of books
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: all about that. Like this lineup. I hope I haven't
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: forgotten anyone. I probably have, but this lineup is phenomenal,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: world class, absolutely the very.
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: Best that you can get.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: And they're joining me for the Smells Like Teen Spirits Summit.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to talk any more about that now
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: that happens at the end of the webinar tonight, the
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: free webinar Teenage dir It Bag. Even if you don't
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: want to come to the summit, come to the free webinar.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: It's going to be so great. Thirty forty minutes of
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: high quality content about what we can do to help
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: our teens to thrive and flourish.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Eight pm this evening.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: All the details on our Facebook page at Happy Families
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: dot com dot A.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: You well, I'm just putting it out there. You're not
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: having dinner until you come home. That way I can
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: ensure that you'll only be thirty minutes.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. There's no way, man, I'm going
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: to be thirty. Yeares it's a free webinar. It's supposed
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: to be thirty. You can bet your boots it's going
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: to be longer.
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: That's all I'm saying. Dinner might be cold, might be
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: The Happy.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: Family's podcast, by the Way, is produced by Justin Rowlin
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer and
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: tonight please join me eight pm free webinar apm astrayan
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Eastern Standard time that is teenage do it bag. If
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: you can't make it, we will provide you with a
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: link to watch your replay. But this is one you
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: want to be at because I'm going to be answering questions.
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: It's just going to be such a great webinar. Can't
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: wait to see it.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Then,