Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #684 Routine... What Routine?

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#684 Routine... What Routine? · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers now, Okay. School
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  Speaker 1: is heading back next week for Queensland, is a week
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  Speaker 1: later for everybody else around Australia. And today on the
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  Speaker 1: Happy Families Podcast, a quick chat during our summer series
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  Speaker 1: about routine, Getting the routine right. What we're supposed to
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  Speaker 1: do in terms of getting things prepared? Are we ready
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  Speaker 1: for this now? If your kids are going to school
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  Speaker 1: for the first time, whether it's prep or kindie or reception,
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  Speaker 1: or whether they're starting a high school or just school
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  Speaker 1: is a new thing. We're going to talk about that
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  Speaker 1: on Monday, but for today, just getting the routine right?
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  Speaker 1: What routine? My name is doctor Justin COLSONA here with Kylie,
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  Speaker 1: my wife and mum to our six children. We've been
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  Speaker 1: through this a few times, Kylie, I think we're going
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  Speaker 1: to be okay. But let's use the wisdom that we've
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  Speaker 1: accrued over the last twenty ish years of sending children
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  Speaker 1: to school. Can you believe we've actually had kids going
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  Speaker 1: to for pretty much the last twenty years now and
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  Speaker 1: we've still got another ten years of it to go.
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  Speaker 1: We've still got ten more years.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, it's supposed to be a hopeful statement.
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  Speaker 1: So our youngest is going into grade three next week. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: so nine or ten years including this year. Ten years
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  Speaker 1: to go take a breathe. Okay, So routine. I know
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  Speaker 1: a lot of people are saying, what routine? Do I
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  Speaker 1: really have to worry about this? Surely we can just
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  Speaker 1: wake up on the first day of school and the
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  Speaker 1: kids will know what to do and we're just going
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  Speaker 1: to make it happen. What's your response to that?
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  Speaker 2: This reminds me so much of the things that I
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  Speaker 2: learned in Atomic Habits by James Clear. I've pushed against
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  Speaker 2: routine for so much of our married lives. You really
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  Speaker 2: really struggled, you have, and yet our lives and I
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  Speaker 2: know it, our lives function so much better when there
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  Speaker 2: is a routine.
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  Speaker 1: Speaking of which, you and I need to have a
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  Speaker 1: really good conversation this weekend about getting our routine dialed in,
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  Speaker 1: because I've been trying for about a month now to
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  Speaker 1: have this conversation with you, and you're still resisting it,
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  Speaker 1: even though you're saying what you're saying on the podcast routine.
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  Speaker 1: So let's do it now. Let's do it now. If
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  Speaker 1: we were to put together the ideal routine, what would
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  Speaker 1: what would you say that we need to dial in.
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  Speaker 1: What are the things that matter most in terms of
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  Speaker 1: bringing the family on board and getting the routine right
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  Speaker 1: for day one?
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  Speaker 2: Well, it doesn't start on day one. That's the first thing.
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  Speaker 2: If we want things to actually work well, then we
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  Speaker 2: actually need to start that process, probably a week before.
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  Speaker 2: Getting the kids up at the right time, putting them
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  Speaker 2: to bed at the right time, and getting them their
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  Speaker 2: rhythm back. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I know, and I'm looking at you and going, I
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  Speaker 1: don't know if they really need a full week of it,
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  Speaker 1: But the idea is we've got to start to think
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  Speaker 1: about it and get things back on track. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: if the kids need to be in bed normally by
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  Speaker 1: I don't know, let's say eight pm or seven thirty pm,
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  Speaker 1: and they're currently eight thirty nine o'clock, we do need
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  Speaker 1: to start to wind it back. We've got to start
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  Speaker 1: to take those steps. But I think that's the getting
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  Speaker 1: up in the morning that matters most.
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  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, totally.
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  Speaker 1: Of course, any parent with children under children out of
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  Speaker 1: the age of let's say ten or eleven, that's not
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  Speaker 1: a problem. The kids are up because little kids get up,
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  Speaker 1: They're like, a, ready, let's do this. So what else
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  Speaker 1: do we need to do when it comes to getting
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  Speaker 1: the routine right? And the reason I'm asking you, I
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  Speaker 1: know that I've written chapters in books about this, but
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  Speaker 1: I'm asking you because you're the one that does at
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  Speaker 1: a practical level in our home more than me, or
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  Speaker 1: at least you have done over the years. Firstly, but
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  Speaker 1: secondly because when it comes to routine, this is really
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  Speaker 1: your your domain, this is your thing.
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  Speaker 2: So one of the best things that we ever did,
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  Speaker 2: and I as we're talking, I actually think we need
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  Speaker 2: to go back to it was actually creating a lunch menu, yes,
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  Speaker 2: because we have so many children, yeah, who have different
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  Speaker 2: likes and dislikes, and often what will happen is I
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  Speaker 2: make the lunches and someone comes home and goes, Mum,
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  Speaker 2: you remember, I like my sandwiches cut like this, or
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  Speaker 2: you know, I like the skins left on my orange
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  Speaker 2: is not taken off, or whatever it is. So creating
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  Speaker 2: a lunch menu where they literally just with a whiteboard marker,
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  Speaker 2: I laminated them and then with a whitebooll marker, they
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  Speaker 2: just literally ticked the thing that they wanted in their
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  Speaker 2: lunch box. Each day meant that I could do a
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  Speaker 2: really quick, methodical check of that and pack everybody's lunches
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  Speaker 2: without any stress or fatigue from trying to remember who's
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  Speaker 2: the one who likes there.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just the cognitive load. So let me wind
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  Speaker 1: this back just to Smidge and walk through my steps
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  Speaker 1: to a magic morning. So number one, your morning starts
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  Speaker 1: the night before, and I reckon as you get ready
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  Speaker 1: for the new school year, just remembering that one thing
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  Speaker 1: the night before school, get the uniforms out, get the
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  Speaker 1: shoes out, get the socks out, and make sure the
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  Speaker 1: school bag's ready, get the lunch box out, get things
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  Speaker 1: organized the night before. And the second part of that
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  Speaker 1: is create a breakfast and lunch menu, just like you're
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  Speaker 1: having those cheap motels on the side of the highway,
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  Speaker 1: and you tick and flick and then you leave it
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  Speaker 1: out and they bring your food the next morning. That
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  Speaker 1: kind of thing makes such a difference because you don't
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  Speaker 1: have to do the decision making in the moment when
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  Speaker 1: everyone's tired and a little bit flustered and not quite
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  Speaker 1: ready to get themselves out the door for school.
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  Speaker 2: Well, what we find often we've got a couple of
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  Speaker 2: kids who really strug to eat breakfast. It's not something
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  Speaker 2: that they want to do, and so when you ask
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  Speaker 2: them what they want in the morning time for breakfast,
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  Speaker 2: they don't have an answer for you because it's not
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  Speaker 2: high on their priority list. So getting them to do
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  Speaker 2: it the night before means that they make a commitment
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  Speaker 2: at that point that that's what they want, and then
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  Speaker 2: they don't have the decision fatigue in the morning to
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  Speaker 2: make choices about something that's not important to.
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  Speaker 1: Them because it's painful at that moment. So morning begins
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  Speaker 1: to night before. Get everything organized. Number two. Have a
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  Speaker 1: lunch menu and a breakfast menu that can be ticked
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  Speaker 1: and flipped the night before, so that when you walk
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  Speaker 1: into the kitchen the next day, you already know like
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  Speaker 1: you've actually got your battle plan. It's already sorted, I reckon.
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  Speaker 1: The next best thing to do, as well, is to
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  Speaker 1: get the kids up ten minutes early and get them
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  Speaker 1: up softly and gently with a hard and to squeeze
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  Speaker 1: and a little bit of love, a little bit of connection,
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  Speaker 1: and then as they go through their morning, instead of
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  Speaker 1: doing it all for them, depending on their age, get
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  Speaker 1: them either doing it with you or get them doing
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  Speaker 1: it with your gentle guidance, So, hey, what's next on
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  Speaker 1: your list? Stead of telling them what to do, ask
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  Speaker 1: them what's next? And I think that that's probably the
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  Speaker 1: best advice that I can give when it comes to
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  Speaker 1: getting your routine right for the start of the new
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  Speaker 1: school year.
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  Speaker 2: Brilliant advice, thank you. Unless you're at home on your
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  Speaker 2: own trying to do everything and trying to remind the kids.
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  Speaker 2: So if that's you, like it has been me for
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  Speaker 2: so many years, even having a checklist chart for your
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  Speaker 2: kids so that they know the system what needs to
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  Speaker 2: happen in what order, means that you don't have again
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  Speaker 2: the cognitive load of having to try and remember what's
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  Speaker 2: so literally the conversation is what's next on your list? Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: And that's the question, what's next? And do you need
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  Speaker 1: any help? Because it's about connection and guidance. It's not
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  Speaker 1: about correction and direction and telling them what to do.
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  Speaker 1: And I reckon also keep the TV off, Like everything
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  Speaker 1: stops once the TV's on, or once screens are on.
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  Speaker 1: Just keep screens away from your mornings. It's going to
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  Speaker 1: mess up your routine. We hope that there's some news
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  Speaker 1: ideas there. If you would like more information, you can
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  Speaker 1: visit us at Happy Families dot com dot au the
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  Speaker 1: Happy Families Summer series. Well, that's it. That's a wrap.
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  Speaker 1: We're back to regular podcasts as of Monday. We'll see
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  Speaker 1: you then,