Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / The Importance of Going No Contact

Transcript

The Importance of Going No Contact · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
• 0:03
  Today we're talking about the importance of going no contact
• 0:09
  with a narcissistic person, with a toxic person.
• 0:12
  No, absolutely no contact, zero contact.
• 0:15
  Y'all. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:17
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:19
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:40
  Welcome back folks. Hey, I'll be bouncing behind the
• 0:42
  scenes to the theme music and whatnot there to the
• 0:45
  introduction music and whatnot, y'all.
• 0:48
  Happy new year, happy new year, happy new you.
• 0:53
  Welcome to the welcome to the 2025.
• 0:56
  Leaving that toxic person behind, ain't we?
• 0:58
  This is the year we leave them behind.
• 1:00
  Right before we hop deep into today's episode, y'all you don't
• 1:03
  know. Still got my courses, still my
• 1:05
  support group, still do my one-on-one coaching right now at
• 1:08
  mentalillness.net right here at the bottom of the screen.
• 1:12
  You know, I have a mirrored view, so y'all might not get the
• 1:15
  same view, but yeah, y'all, the importance of going no contact
• 1:21
  with the manipulator, with an abuser, with a narcissistic
• 1:24
  person, with a toxic person, regardless of who that person is
• 1:28
  and what role that they play in your life.
• 1:30
  Y'all, I think so many people get tied up and twisted up.
• 1:33
  Just think I'm talking about intimate relationships like your
• 1:36
  partner, your spouse, right? Boyfriend, Grossman, Grossman,
• 1:39
  boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, that type of stuff
• 1:42
  situation like that. Your spouse, your significant
• 1:45
  other, right? Your insignificant other, right?
• 1:49
  No, it's just not those relationships.
• 1:51
  This could be your parent, this could be your friend, your
• 1:53
  bestie, your BFF, you know, your childhood friends or whoever it
• 1:57
  is in your life in this situation, your cousin, right?
• 2:01
  Your cousin who just can't stop competing with you for some
• 2:03
  reason like hey, cuz like that we, we family.
• 2:05
  Why are you doing this? You know what I'm saying?
• 2:09
  Regardless of whoever it is, it would not the importance of
• 2:14
  going no contact with that person is extremely important.
• 2:17
  I think a lot of people will understand it as well, how
• 2:19
  important it is, right? Narcissistic people got like,
• 2:22
  no, no contact helps you heal. It's it's it's the fastest, most
• 2:26
  effective way to help you heal, right?
• 2:29
  It's kind of like whatever your belief system is, some people
• 2:31
  believe that vaccines and, you know, antibiotics and things
• 2:35
  like that are the best way to heal and protect yourself
• 2:37
  against, you know, diseases and infectious diseases and what
• 2:40
  not, right? And other people might disagree.
• 2:41
  Will Lee, I have to disagree with you on that one.
• 2:45
  Herbal medicine or just prayer helps.
• 2:48
  Whatever you whatever you feel like is a shortcut.
• 2:50
  That's what no contact is. No contact is the is the is the
• 2:54
  best way, the most effective way to rid yourself or to help you
• 2:58
  heal from a narcissistic person, toxic person, whatever role that
• 3:02
  they serve, Right? It's just yeah, it just flat out
• 3:04
  is right. It's important because it's to
• 3:08
  me, it's it's very difficult, if not impossible to fully heal in
• 3:15
  the same same exact environment that made you sick.
• 3:19
  It's damn near impossible to to fully heal in the same, in same
• 3:24
  space that made you, they made you heal.
• 3:26
  You see what I'm saying? Like, how can you heal talking
• 3:29
  to somebody every single day, right?
• 3:31
  This is what I talk about in my support group, the mental
• 3:33
  healers. I talk about this a lot.
• 3:34
  I say, hey, look, y'all need to get to the point where you
• 3:37
  blocked them and go no contact because it's damn near yeah.
• 3:39
  Even though you might get good at predicting their behaviors
• 3:42
  really is, I know exactly what they're going to do.
• 3:44
  It's hard to just move past this person that you're still talking
• 3:48
  to, that you're still communicating with.
• 3:50
  And ask yourself, first rant of the year.
• 3:52
  Y'all feel the first rant coming up.
• 3:53
  Ask yourself, what's the point? What's the point of talking to
• 3:56
  this person? Did you know it's not going to
• 3:58
  get any better? Your parent, your partner,
• 4:01
  whoever the fuck they are. What's the point now?
• 4:04
  This is what this is what, like you have to get to yourself
• 4:06
  right here? What's the point?
• 4:08
  You know, it's like you're lying to yourself sometimes, just like
• 4:10
  I will. Maybe they will get better.
• 4:12
  Maybe if I talk to them, they'll just leave me alone on their
• 4:14
  own. Why would they leave you alone
• 4:16
  on their own? If they continuously talk to
• 4:19
  you, have access to you, and they get some type of validation
• 4:21
  from you, why would they leave you alone?
• 4:25
  Why would they just leave you alone?
• 4:27
  If I, if I as a narcissist, if I'm if my existence is
• 4:31
  predicated upon me getting narcissistic supply from other
• 4:35
  people, including you, and getting validation from external
• 4:38
  sources including you, why would I leave you alone?
• 4:41
  If even if I'm getting a little bit, if my gas tank is on E
• 4:45
  $5.00 with gas still work. I don't give a damn what the gas
• 4:48
  prices are right? If my gas tank is on E, $5 still
• 4:50
  work. What I like now, what I enjoy in
• 4:53
  full, A full tank of narcissistic supply or gas.
• 4:56
  Yes, but $5 will do. Happy New year even though I
• 5:02
  treated you horribly. You respond regardless of how
• 5:04
  you respond. Thanks. $5.00 of gas.
• 5:08
  I need 5 on pump me. I need $5.00 of gas on pump me
• 5:12
  out there. I'm going to take the gas tank,
• 5:15
  the little the gas pump and just put it in my neck or my ear
• 5:19
  right here or just suck on it. There's a weirdo suck on that
• 5:21
  thing the hawk 2 or the gas pump right?
• 5:25
  That's what it goes to right there.
• 5:26
  Y'all ask yourself what's the point?
• 5:29
  It's important to hear. Is you staying in contact with
• 5:32
  them more important than your own healing?
• 5:35
  Willie, I don't want to seem like a selfish person.
• 5:36
  You're not. If anything, you're being
• 5:38
  selfish with for to yourself. Is your healing not important?
• 5:43
  Is your growth not important? I don't know.
• 5:46
  People just like, well, no contact has to be forever.
• 5:48
  To me, you go no, most people go no contact with the goal of it
• 5:51
  being forever. Sometimes I say it just
• 5:54
  sometimes it's just to get things under control because
• 5:56
  sometimes you can't go fully no contact, right?
• 5:59
  The court system said you got to talk to this bastard, right?
• 6:02
  The court system says you got to meet up with this bastard every
• 6:05
  every other weekend or whatever the situation may be, right?
• 6:08
  You got to see them every every few days to exchange the kids.
• 6:11
  You got to chat with them a little bit, right?
• 6:13
  So it's hard to go no contact fully.
• 6:15
  So some people don't have the goal of going fully no contact
• 6:17
  right now. They do they they, they go no
• 6:19
  contact for a little while to help mitigate it, to help just
• 6:22
  lower it in a little bit to bring it down.
• 6:24
  Yeah, to turn down the volume a little bit, a smidge, a smidge,
• 6:28
  even a smidge is better than 0. So I tell people, that's what I
• 6:33
  tell people, take the no contact, go take it for a spin,
• 6:36
  take it for a ride, y'all, before we keep going on, y'all,
• 6:40
  if you haven't hit that subscribe button, y'all hit that
• 6:42
  subscribe button. We, we, we tuning in, we
• 6:45
  watching, we listening, we getting the information.
• 6:47
  Just hit the subscribe button. It don't cost you a thing.
• 6:49
  Your love don't. Your love don't cost a thing
• 6:51
  right here anyways, y'all, you got to be willing to.
• 6:56
  Yeah, believe no contact is hard.
• 6:57
  Yeah, it is. I'm not trying to make it seem
• 6:59
  like it's easy, but staying in this relationship is hard.
• 7:02
  Talking to this bastard is hard. All of it's hard.
• 7:04
  Which hard are you going to choose one of these hearts gets
• 7:07
  better? The longer you know contact, the
• 7:09
  better you typically feel, right?
• 7:11
  And now I say typically because it it varies.
• 7:14
  You might feel better the next day, you might feel better the
• 7:16
  next month, but sooner or later you're going to feel better,
• 7:19
  right? But if you keep talking to them,
• 7:21
  you're never going to feel better.
• 7:24
  You keep watching them and going paint shopping, you're never
• 7:26
  going to feel better. What's paint shopping, Lee?
• 7:27
  Paint shopping is unnecessarily looking at their social media,
• 7:30
  unnecessarily contacting their friends and family,
• 7:32
  unnecessarily looking at their their their new supplies, social
• 7:35
  media stuff. That's paint shopping.
• 7:37
  I know that I know you're look, I know it's 2025 and this is the
• 7:41
  best. This might be the best, one of
• 7:42
  the best shopping days of the year because things are new year
• 7:45
  discounts, right? You don't there's no discount on
• 7:48
  paint shopping. This shit going to hurt none.
• 7:50
  The no, no matter what, it's going to hurt regardless, right?
• 7:53
  It's going to hurt regardless what, what year it's in, right?
• 7:56
  What, what, what, what time of the year it is.
• 7:58
  So it's just like you have to choose you.
• 8:01
  It's OK to choose you. That's what I'm saying.
• 8:02
  No contact is the power. No contact.
• 8:04
  It's so important because it's you finally picking you.
• 8:07
  You suffered enough, you giving them enough.
• 8:10
  You've you sacrificed enough. What more do they need from you?
• 8:15
  What more can you give? What more about you didn't
• 8:17
  change every little bit about yourself, Your appearance, your
• 8:20
  weight, your heart, your damn, your height, your, your likes,
• 8:23
  your dislikes, your, your tonality, your vernacular,
• 8:26
  yours, your location, your friends, your family, your job.
• 8:29
  You can change every fucking thing in your life.
• 8:32
  How? What else can you change?
• 8:35
  What more can you give? When are you going to decide?
• 8:39
  Just like, OK, Dad, I'm done. It's important to pick you.
• 8:44
  Then I said the power, the importance of no contact right
• 8:47
  now is extremely important to be able to pick you right now.
• 8:51
  How much more are you willing to sacrifice, right?
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  Think about it right now, you didn't change, literally change
• 8:58
  everything about yourself for this person.
• 9:01
  What have you got to show for? I know people say, well, I got
• 9:04
  my beautiful kids. Yeah.
• 9:05
  Yeah, you have. Yeah, that's great.
• 9:07
  But the beautiful kids are still in this toxic ass situation.
• 9:10
  Your beautiful kids are still Privy to this abusive situation.
• 9:13
  You see what I'm saying? It's just like you have like you
• 9:16
  have a choice to make in 2025. Right now, the choice is
• 9:20
  evident. You either.
• 9:21
  Is it you? It's OK to pick you.
• 9:23
  Really. I don't.
• 9:23
  I feel guilty about leaving. Of course you do.
• 9:25
  There's false guilt. They want you to feel bad for
• 9:28
  leaving me. They want you to feel bad for
• 9:30
  leaving. They want you to feel bad for
• 9:31
  exposing it. They want they want the.
• 9:32
  Yeah, narcissistic people. Toxic people are experts at
• 9:37
  victimhood and playing the victim.
• 9:39
  You left can't believe you. I came home and the house was
• 9:42
  empty. You didn't tell me you were
• 9:43
  leaving. They didn't beat your ass, they
• 9:45
  didn't cuss at you, you didn't cry y'all they didn't they
• 9:48
  didn't did every single thing to you didn't cheated on you, lied
• 9:50
  to you, got pregnant by somebody else, got somebody else
• 9:53
  pregnant. Like tell somebody else they
• 9:55
  love him then they did. They didn't stole from you.
• 9:57
  They didn't they they didn't did everything.
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  They didn't smear campaign. You didn't did every single
• 10:01
  thing to you. But when you finally decide to
• 10:03
  leave now they're sad. I can't believe you didn't talk
• 10:05
  to me about this. Fuck them.
• 10:07
  What else you got to say? What else you need to say?
• 10:12
  What else is to be said? Y'all?
• 10:14
  What else can you say to this person?
• 10:16
  You did. You said you.
• 10:18
  You tried talking to them. They didn't listen.
• 10:21
  They had every opportunity to treat you right and they still
• 10:25
  said no. They still decided to do you
• 10:27
  wrong. Now you want.
• 10:29
  Now you want to leave. Now you want to go no contact.
• 10:31
  Now you want to cut them off. Now they sad.
• 10:33
  They wasn't sad when it was hitting you.
• 10:35
  They wouldn't say when they was cheating on you.
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  They wouldn't say when they was lying to you and gaslighting
• 10:38
  you. They wouldn't say when they was
• 10:38
  manipulating you. So now they're sad that you
• 10:41
  left. No, they're not sad.
• 10:43
  They're mad. It's anger.
• 10:45
  It's mask anger. I'm really upset that you
• 10:48
  decided to leave me for what I really upset.
• 10:51
  You decided to hold me accountable.
• 10:55
  They're upset with you for holding them accountable.
• 10:58
  What sense does that make? Does that make sense to y'all?
• 11:03
  Huh. How are you the bad guy for
• 11:06
  choosing you? You're not the bad guy.
• 11:09
  Realistically, you're not the bad guy.
• 11:10
  In their story, when they tell everybody, I came home and they
• 11:13
  were gone. All the stuff in the house was
• 11:15
  gone. Yeah.
• 11:16
  In their story, you're going to be the villain.
• 11:17
  In that story. In their story, they're they're
• 11:20
  they are the X-Men and you're Magneto, right?
• 11:23
  They are Black Panther. And you are.
• 11:25
  What's the black? What's about to be Jordan's
• 11:27
  role? I forgot what his name was.
• 11:28
  In Black Panther, That's that's your role.
• 11:30
  Killmonger, You're Killmonger. You're the villain, you know
• 11:36
  what I mean? In their in their story, they
• 11:39
  are from District 12 and you are from district where like you,
• 11:44
  you are the commissioner of The Hunger Games.
• 11:46
  Like y'all, they are the victims.
• 11:48
  They're going to be perpetual victims.
• 11:49
  There's not going to change. You're going to be the bad guy
• 11:52
  on that story. That's one thing you have to be
• 11:53
  OK with, but going no contact, you won't hear about it.
• 11:57
  Who cares what they say? They told everybody, they told
• 11:59
  all our mutual friends that I was the bad guy and now my
• 12:02
  mutual friends don't talk to me anymore.
• 12:04
  Then they're not your friends. They didn't come to you and try
• 12:06
  to talk to you and just say hey, we they said this about you.
• 12:09
  They just chose their side. They just believed them Willy
• 12:12
  nilly. Fuck them.
• 12:16
  They're not your friends. You know what I'm saying?
• 12:18
  Sometimes you like when you go no contact, you're going to lose
• 12:21
  stuff. But This is why it's important
• 12:23
  to go no contact because you're going to lose stuff that you're
• 12:25
  going to lose stuff that's not as important as you think it is,
• 12:29
  right? You going to lose dead weight.
• 12:30
  You going to lose hanger owners, hanger owners, you're going to
• 12:33
  lose things that are holding you back.
• 12:35
  Nothing that are you going to lose the things that are
• 12:37
  anchoring you down and weighing you down.
• 12:39
  I suppose this is like going no contact allows you to lift that
• 12:42
  anchor up, cut that rope and just float off.
• 12:45
  It allows you to get out of this sea of toxicity, the sea of this
• 12:49
  sea of abuse, the sea of manipulation, the sea of every
• 12:52
  single thing, the sea of the seat.
• 12:54
  It allows you to set yourself free finally.
• 12:57
  It allows you to heal and grow and be you finally.
• 13:00
  It allows you to just live the life that you want to live
• 13:02
  finally. Otherwise you get what's what's
• 13:06
  on the other side of this them sacrificing yourself, being
• 13:11
  unhappy. You know, I told, I talked to a
• 13:16
  lady, talked to a few people. I said this to a few people in
• 13:19
  the last few days. I said don't let your
• 13:20
  desperation lead you into settling for less.
• 13:24
  Don't let being desperate to be in a relationship, don't let
• 13:26
  being desperate, but don't be at the fear of being alone.
• 13:29
  Just like make you ignore your intuition or just make you
• 13:32
  accept the less because you're afraid to be by yourself.
• 13:34
  No, y'all, this is not, this is not life.
• 13:37
  You don't live a life of regret. Well, at least I'm not by
• 13:39
  myself. You've been abused.
• 13:40
  You're sad as hell, You live a life full of regret.
• 13:43
  But at least I'm not by myself now.
• 13:44
  Oh come on now, there are millions, probably billions of
• 13:48
  people out there who are by themselves and extremely happy
• 13:50
  that they choose like, well, at least I'm not getting abused.
• 13:53
  At least I'm not getting beat up and yelled at.
• 13:55
  At least I get the chance to beat me unless I don't have to
• 13:57
  come home and just walk on egg shells.
• 14:00
  It's OK to go no contact. Y'all parents, partners, whoever
• 14:04
  they are believe you only get one mom.
• 14:05
  Yeah, that one mom only gets one version of you and decided to
• 14:09
  treat you horribly and abuse you and make you feel like you owe
• 14:11
  them, owe her for the rest of your life.
• 14:13
  They didn't. They didn't hold themselves
• 14:15
  accountable. They don't care what they put
• 14:16
  you through as a kid. They beat your ass.
• 14:18
  They lied to you to manipulated you.
• 14:19
  They're making you feel guilty for holding them accountable as
• 14:21
  adults. They're gaslighting you about
• 14:24
  your your childhood and what you experienced.
• 14:26
  Yeah. They never take accountability.
• 14:28
  They just keep belittling you. They're they're a massive drain
• 14:31
  on your emotional mental health, your physical health sometimes
• 14:34
  as well. Right.
• 14:37
  You don't owe them anything. You didn't ask to be born.
• 14:39
  I don't know. I don't.
• 14:40
  I don't. I didn't see they didn't.
• 14:41
  I didn't see your request that you put in to be born.
• 14:43
  Like birth me. Please.
• 14:45
  Have me. Please.
• 14:46
  You didn't say that, did you? No, I say no contact is so
• 14:50
  important y'all. It, it just really is.
• 14:51
  Allow you that space to heal and understand who you are and
• 14:55
  absolutely understand what you want and not only that, what you
• 14:58
  deserve why is not why, Why is what you deserve not important.
• 15:02
  It is absolutely important. It's one of the things that that
• 15:04
  truly matters on this planet is what you deserve.
• 15:08
  It is. Go out there and get what you
• 15:10
  deserve y'all and stop allowing these people to try to convince
• 15:12
  you that you deserve less because they said so.
• 15:14
  Fuck what they got to say. I know I cuss a lot a little bit
• 15:17
  more than I'm normally in these videos y'all, but I had to bring
• 15:19
  in the heat for the new. I had to bring the heat in for
• 15:21
  2025. I had to I had to open this year
• 15:23
  up with some heat, with some new with with some new heat with
• 15:26
  some new fire. I'm coming.
• 15:27
  I felt like I got lazy last year with my I feel like my videos
• 15:30
  are kind of the quality was kind of going down because I was
• 15:32
  tired and whatnot. I'm just going to feel good
• 15:34
  right now, but I'm still bringing the heat.
• 15:35
  I'm still bringing the fire anyways y'all, if you haven't
• 15:38
  already hit that subscribe button y'all let's hit 500 K
• 15:42
  them on YouTube or whatever that be crazy let hit by the end of
• 15:44
  this month, which be amazing. I'm super thankful for y'all.
• 15:47
  I'm grateful for you again, my support group, my coaching,
• 15:50
  everything is at mentalillness.net right here.
• 15:52
  And as always, y'all, as always, mental illness is out.
• 15:57
  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 15:58
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 16:01
  Have no idea? If you haven't already, make
• 16:03
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 16:04
  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 16:07
  another video or to browse to another playlist.
• 16:09
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 16:11
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 16:14
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 16:15
  I will see you in the next video.
• 16:17
  Peace.