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Certain Personal Matters - Of Blades and Bladery · The H. G. Wells Library

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  Speaker 1: Chapter twelve of Certain Personal Matters. This is a LibriVox recording.
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  Speaker 1: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
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  Speaker 1: information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording
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  Speaker 1: by Greg Giardano, Certain Personal Matters by H. G. Wells,
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  Speaker 1: Chapter twelve of Blades and Bladtery. The blade is not
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  Speaker 1: so much a culture as a temperament and bladery. If
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  Speaker 1: the thing may have the name a code of sentiments
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  Speaker 1: rather than the ritual. It is the rocal Coast school
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  Speaker 1: of behavior, the flamboyant gentleman, the gargoyle life. The blade
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  Speaker 1: is the tribute in the sad since pays to vice.
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  Speaker 1: He may look like a devil and belong to a church,
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  Speaker 1: and the clothing of the blade, being symbolic, is a
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  Speaker 1: very important part of him. It must show not only
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  Speaker 1: a certain tastiness, but also decision in the accent, courage
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  Speaker 1: in the pattern, and a dudly hardihood of outline. A
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  Speaker 1: blade must needs take the color of his social standing.
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  Speaker 1: But all blades have the same essential qualities, and all
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  Speaker 1: blades have this quality that they despise and condemn other
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  Speaker 1: blades from the top downward. But where the bottommost blade comes.
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  Speaker 1: No man can tell a well bred blade, though he
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  Speaker 1: be a duke, tends to wear his hat tilted a
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  Speaker 1: little over the right eyebrow, and a piece of hair
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  Speaker 1: is pulled coquettishly down just below the brim. His collar
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  Speaker 1: is high, and a very large bow is worn slightly askewed.
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  Speaker 1: This may be either cream colored or deep blue with
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  Speaker 1: spots of white, or it may be red or buff,
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  Speaker 1: but not green because of badinage. The blade of the
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  Speaker 1: middle class displays a fine gold watch chain, and his
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  Speaker 1: jacket and vest may be of a rough black cloth
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  Speaker 1: or blue serge. The trousering may be of a suit
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  Speaker 1: with the jacket or tasteful, and the shoes must be long.
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  Speaker 1: The bedding man adorned is a perfect blade. There is
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  Speaker 1: often a large and ornamental stick, which is invariably carried
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  Speaker 1: head downwards. And note that the born blade instinctively avoids
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  Speaker 1: any narrowness of pose. In walking, he thrusts out his shoulders, elbows,
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  Speaker 1: and knees, and it is rather the thing to dominate
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  Speaker 1: a sphere of influence. Beyond this by swinging his stick
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  Speaker 1: at first, the beginner will find his weapon a little
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  Speaker 1: apt to slip from the hand and cause inconvenience to
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  Speaker 1: the general public. But he must not mind that after
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  Speaker 1: a few such misadventures he will acquire dexterity. All blades
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  Speaker 1: smoke publicly, at least To smoke a white Meershaum in
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  Speaker 1: the streets, however, is very inferior form. The proper smoking
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  Speaker 1: is a briar. And remember, it is not smart to
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  Speaker 1: have a new pipe. So soon as he buys it,
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  Speaker 1: the blade takes his pipe home, puts on the glowing
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  Speaker 1: fire to burn the rim, scrapes us away, burns it again,
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  Speaker 1: and so on, until it looks a sullen desperado of
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  Speaker 1: a pipe, a pipe with a wild past. Sometimes he
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  Speaker 1: cannot smoke a pipe. In this case he may, for
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  Speaker 1: his stomach's sake, smoke a cigarette. And besides, there is
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  Speaker 1: something cynical about a cigarette for the very young blade.
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  Speaker 1: There are certain makes of cigarette that burn well. They
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  Speaker 1: are mixed with niter, and these may be smoked by
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  Speaker 1: holding them in the left hand and idly swinging them
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  Speaker 1: to and fro in the air. If it were not
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  Speaker 1: for the public want of charity, I would recommend a
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  Speaker 1: well known brand. A blade may always escape a cigar
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  Speaker 1: by feigning a fastidious taste. None of your cabana's is
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  Speaker 1: rather good style. The blade, it must be understood, especially
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  Speaker 1: by the blade's friends, spends his time in a whirl
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  Speaker 1: of dissipation. That is the symbolism of the emphatic obliquity
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  Speaker 1: of the costume. First, he drinks the blade at harrow,
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  Speaker 1: according to a reliable authority, drinks cherry, brandy and even champagne.
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  Speaker 1: Other blades consume whiskey and soda. The less costly kind
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  Speaker 1: of blade does it on being. And here the beginner
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  Speaker 1: is often at a loss. Let us say he has
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  Speaker 1: looked up the street and down, ascertained that there are
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  Speaker 1: no aunts in the air, and then plunged into his
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  Speaker 1: first public house. How shall he ask for his liquor?
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  Speaker 1: I will take a glass of ale, if you please.
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  Speaker 1: Miss seems tame for a blade. It may be useful
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  Speaker 1: to know a more suitable formula. Just at present, we
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  Speaker 1: may assure the blade neophyte, it is all the rage
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  Speaker 1: to ask for to have swipes. Ducky, go in boldly,
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  Speaker 1: bang down your money as loudly as possible, and shout
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  Speaker 1: that out at the top of your voice. If it
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  Speaker 1: is a barman, though you better not say ducky the
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  Speaker 1: slang will, we can assure him prove extremely effective. Then
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  Speaker 1: the blade gambols. But over the gambling of the blade,
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  Speaker 1: it is well to draw a veil, a partially translucent
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  Speaker 1: and coquettish veil, through which we can see the thing
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  Speaker 1: dimly and enhanced in its enormity. You must patronize the turf,
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  Speaker 1: of course, and have money on horses, or you are
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  Speaker 1: no blade at all, but a mere stick. The harrow
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  Speaker 1: blade has his book on all the big races in
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  Speaker 1: the calendar. In the great and noble game of nap
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  Speaker 1: are not blades. Its worshippers wherever the sun shines and
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  Speaker 1: a pack of cards is obtainable, back are at too
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  Speaker 1: many A glorious blade is lost his whole term's pocket
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  Speaker 1: money at a single sitting at that noble game. And
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  Speaker 1: the conversation of the blade must always be brilliant in
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  Speaker 1: the extreme, like the flashing of steel in the sunlight.
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  Speaker 1: It is usually cynical and worldly, sometimes horrible enough to
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  Speaker 1: make a governess shudder, but always epigrammatic. Epigrams and neat
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  Speaker 1: comparisons are much easier to make than is vulgarly supposed.
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  Speaker 1: Schoolmasters hang about the crops of knowledge, like dead crows
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  Speaker 1: about a field. Examples and warnings to greedy souls. Marriage
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  Speaker 1: is the beginning of philosophy. In the end is do
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  Speaker 1: not marry. All women are constant, but some discover mistakes.
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  Speaker 1: One is generally repentant when one is found out, and
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  Speaker 1: remorseful when one can't do it again. A little practice,
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  Speaker 1: and this kind of thing may be ground out almost
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  Speaker 1: without thinking. Occasionally, in your conversation with ladies, you may
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  Speaker 1: let an oath slip. Better not let your aunt hear
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  Speaker 1: you apologize humbly at once, of course, but it will
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  Speaker 1: give them a glimpse of the Lord's splendor of your
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  Speaker 1: private life. And that brings us to the essential thing
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  Speaker 1: of the blad's life, the eternal feminine. Pity them. Be
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  Speaker 1: a little sorry for them. The poor souls cannot be
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  Speaker 1: blades must even sit and palpitate while the blade flashes.
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  Speaker 1: The accomplished blade goes through life looking unspeakable wickedness at
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  Speaker 1: everything feminine. He meets old and young, rich and poor,
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  Speaker 1: one with another, he reeks with intrigue. Every blade has
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  Speaker 1: his secrets and mysteries. In this matter, remorse even for
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  Speaker 1: crimes you do not know. All that his handsome face
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  Speaker 1: may hide, but he does not know. He may have
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  Speaker 1: sat on peers and talked to shop girls, kissed housemaids,
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  Speaker 1: taken bar maids to music halls, conversed with painted wickedness
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  Speaker 1: in public places. Nothing is too much for him. And
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  Speaker 1: oh the reckless protestations of love he has made, the
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  Speaker 1: broken promises, the broken hearts. Yet men must be blades,
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  Speaker 1: the women may weep, and every blade must take his
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  Speaker 1: bar maid to a music hall at least once, even
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  Speaker 1: if she be tallered himself. Until then his manhood is
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  Speaker 1: not assured. Just one hint in conclusion, a blade who
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  Speaker 1: collects stamps, or keeps tame rabbits, or eats sweets orange
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  Speaker 1: desert apples in the streets, or calls names publicly after
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  Speaker 1: his friends is no blade at all, but a boy still,
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  Speaker 1: So with our blessing, he swaggers on his way and
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  Speaker 1: is gone a dawn juan as fresh as spring, a
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  Speaker 1: rose bud desperado. May he never come upon just cause
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  Speaker 1: for repentance and of Chapter twelve. Recording by Greg Giardano, Newport, Ritchie, Florida,