Latest / Carmedy / Episode 19.5 - One Liner Sadness

Transcript

Episode 19.5 - One Liner Sadness · Carmedy

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's up everybody?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Carmody Podcast, where comedy meets your or slash my commute.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Dave Thompson.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode 19.5.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, I'm driving on the freeway.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: You guys can probably hear that.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going back from San Diego.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: As promised, I'm filming an episode and I'm freaking pissed off! I'm pissed off, ladies and gentlemen.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Freaking mad.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Just gonna get it out on the pod.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm freaking mad.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I did one liner madness, which is a show where it's 64 comics competing against each other in a one-liner competition.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And the audience votes, not judges, allegedly, the audience votes who had the funniest one-liner joke.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Seems simple, right?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But there was people doing fifteen-line jokes.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: One-liner madness defines a one-liner as up to, it doesn't have to be, up to three sentences, a setup into a punchline.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: That is it.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: That is it.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And there was people doing 10 to 15 line jokes with multiple punchlines, and nobody was saying anything about it.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, what?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I went up there and I did my one-liner, which was two sentences and a very strong punchline.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I did not beat somebody who had a ten line or like eight, nine, ten line joke with four punchlines.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I I could not beat that.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or when I when I say that, I should say punchline and then multiple tags.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I should say.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I couldn't beat somebody breaking the rules egregiously, and then I was looking to the judges because I'm like, clearly we're not gonna let that slide.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right! I didn't wait here for three hours to go up to lose to somebody breaking the rules, right?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Did I?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I did, ladies and gentlemen.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I I did lose to a full bit.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Someone's full bit.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Someone's full.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, by the way, oh, they describe one-liner madness as original material.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like not stuff you just find all over Reddit or or you find on YouTube.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: I lost to a uh bank security question joke.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because you cannot find those anywhere.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: A bank security question joke is what I lost to.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, uh I feel good, you know?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I feel good.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: My life decisions uh I feel great.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yeah, really happy that I spent hours of my life driving over a hundred miles to come out to a show where I followed the rules and then lost to somebody who didn't, and then now I'm just sad.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm just now I'm just sad.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then by the way, when he was in the second round, this guy did a four-line, not even a three-line, a four-line joke without a punchline, and didn't get a single laugh.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, well, thank god this guy's gonna go win! And then he immediately lost.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I was like, cool, that was just the biggest waste of my time.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, because in my mind I was thinking, is this guy's freaking insane?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Is he God's gift of comedy?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: He's just an absolute legend?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm about to lose to a legend and then he just lost.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, not even not even a little bit of a fight.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: He just you just you just rolled over.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: He just sniped out of a tower.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let me put it in perspective for some gamers out there, since his last joke was about video games.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: I it's like we're playing a shooting video game, and then he just sniped me when I was on a killing spree, and then just left the game and threw his Xbox out the window.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, his only goal was to snipe me, and then and then that was it.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: He ran out of gas.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Yeah, I'm I'm good.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't need to play games anymore.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to snipe one person with an unoriginal joke that shouldn't have been allowed at this competition.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's I just wanted to snipe one person.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um but you know what?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just not likable because I get mad.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I get mad.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just giving you raw emotion, I get mad.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And look, he might be listening to this.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, sir, if you are listening to this, this is nothing personal against you.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Your joke was funny, but it was not allowed.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's just what it is.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: You they are not going to post your joke and be like, this is a great one-liner.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's not a one-liner.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's I'm sorry.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's just what it is.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh but yeah.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: So that's how I'm doing.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just giving it to you with with honesty.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just giving it, I'm just getting that's what I do on Carmody.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Should I be afraid to say something?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Am I gonna call out your name or say you suck?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not even gonna make a post.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna post and be like, oh freaking one liner madness sucks.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: No, you know what?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: The the creators of of OneLiner, uh, Emily Winter, I'm a huge fan of hers.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Extremely funny person.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: She wasn't here today, someone else was running it today.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Her husband, her husband was running it today, not her.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm a huge fan of of hers, and um I I don't have anything bad to say about her.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I just I know this was a bad call.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just have to deal with the bad calls, and the way that I'm dealing with it is by talking it out.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be okay.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish One Liner Madness and that comic that beat me, I wish them the best.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I hope they ride off in the sunset together now that they've crushed my dreams and went off and just and just made out.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, how was your guys' weekend?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Man, my weekend was amazing.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I got to spend my weekend around some uh amazing comic friends of mine.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, got to to spend the night out by the beach, which was super cool, and and hang out with some of my friends, and I got to do some shows, and that was awesome, and it it was a great experience.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I headlined Quantum Brewing Friday night, which was really cool.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I was blessed to be able to do that.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, was very excited to do it, and it's one of those things where I just I saw people just bombing.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's I'll I'll just I don't give a frick.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I saw people bombing their cheekies off.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean uber bombing.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: There was a comic that got off stage after like three or four minutes, and he he tried to get out the security exit, and then he he stormed outside, he was sweating, and he told me it was the worst room ever, and that he's never gonna come back, that the audience was absolute dog something, and and that he's never gonna come back.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then I went up there and it was fine.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was fine, it was great, actually, it was great, and I had a great set.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I just I hate and look, I'm gonna speak to you comics right now, okay?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna tell you this too because I've also done it and I didn't realize how important it was.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Look, even if a room is quote unquote crap, put in your best effort.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: You do your time.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because now I know that dude is a quitter, and I will not be booking him on any shows because he is a quitter.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that if an audience turns a certain way, that he is not capable of handling that audience.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: He has not had that in his bag yet, and he is blaming an audience for him not being funny enough.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not cool.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's not the audience's fault that they don't like what he's doing.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's just what it is.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people don't like your stuff, and other times you're just talking nonsense, you know?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, yeah, man.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's crazy.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: You you gotta be down to earth with people.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: You just you could talk about the situation, you know?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Interact with people in a way and and draw them in, do things to draw people in and and and try and have fun and try and entertain them.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's our job.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody's come into the show to try and entertain them, like our our first instinct should just be like, wow, these people freaking suck.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: My my problem is that if I'm standing there watching somebody not even give a full effort, and they're just like, frick these people, I hate these people, but that happens so often, it's like, yeah, I wouldn't want to work with people that do stuff like that.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you never know who's in the room.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: There was a booker in the room.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: There was two bookers in the room.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I take it back, there were three bookers in the room at this show that was not good.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I guarantee you, after those performances, those three bookers weren't looking at everyone being like, Wow, we should really bring these people into our shows.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because you would they weren't even giving full effort.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just that's just a waste of everyone's time.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not gonna give full effort, even if the room is quote, bad, unquote, then just don't even show up.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, actually, like, don't show up at all.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just stay home.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because having that type of behavior that you always think you're in the right and that you could never bomb is like insane.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Don't always blame it on the audience, you know.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it's cringe listening to your stuff back.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I've done it a bunch of times and heard cringe things that make me feel like I'm getting nauseous because I hope that none of my family hears what I said, you know, because it was so cringe or it was so awkward or whatever.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so I I just I just suggest to people just put in your best effort.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because even if the set doesn't go super well, at least you can say, like, hey, I I gave that literally everything I had.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And and that and that's gonna make you feel good.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing that, that's gonna make you feel good.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna make you feel bad, that's gonna that's gonna make you feel good.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe maybe don't listen to me.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just I just freaking suck and I just lose competitions because I freaking suck.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: I freaking suck! Freaking trash.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Frick! I suck.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is a hard one.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is a hard one.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And look, I know, I know what some people are thinking.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I don't do comedy competitions.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I get it! I'm I'm a silver surfer in most stand-up comedy competitions.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Silver surfer meaning that I get second place consistently, I don't ever win.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: And and then sometimes I get bounced out of things like these where I get I get hoed.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: I got hoed!
• 12:29
  unknown: FAAC!
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm always myself and I'm bringing you the raw emotions, okay?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I have a podcast so I can get it out.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, no shade on one liner, it's an amazing show, and I love the creators.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: No shade on the comic.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: He he did probably his best joke or one of his best jokes.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was just un unfortunate how it ended, and it's I just need to accept it.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: My child is dead.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I need to accept.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I treated this maybe, and this is on me.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I treated the show like my baby.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like I for a year I was nurturing these one-liners.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, for a year, since last time I got bounced out round one.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: A year I've been nurturing these one-liners, I have been eliminating words, I've been changing phrasing, I've been doing everything I possibly can to make these one-liners as funny as possible, and they're working.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: They are working when I go to shows, they get serious laughter when I go and I perform and I do them.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: But they were not good enough to be what I was up against.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I just I just have to accept that my baby is dead.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: My baby died.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: My baby was slain.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: My baby was slain, and I'm sad about it.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sad, but I'm gonna be okay.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because God is good.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Hallelujah, Jesus.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: So now I just say a full four-pack of Reese's peanut butter cups, a full size, family size four-pack of Reese's peanut butter cups, and I'm drinking a Mr.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Pib, and that's not good for me, but you know what?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also gonna roll down the windows right now and get some fresh air.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, thank you so much for listening to me, rant.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: I needed this to get this out, and I'm okay now.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: The the weekend overall was very fun.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm blessed to have really cool friends that help me out and let me stay over at their homes and stuff.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, all the Carmedians.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening, and I'm very excited about this next episode.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: This next episode is gonna be episode 20.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's very special.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna get my friend Melissa Name on the pod, and we are gonna talk probably for an hour, but who knows?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Who knows how long we're gonna talk for.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, thank you so much for listening to the Carmedy Podcast and for having my back.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I love you guys.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad that you guys will let me just rant and you listen.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, I love you guys.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, goodbye.